Kavya Janani U.'s Blog, page 13

My Bumpy Journey – Fifth Month (February)

So, what am I calling this month? Well, let me name it as Movement Month. The explanation for this name will be given later. So February dawned with much gala. I felt immensely happy that I had yet another month of leave, albeit being a LOP (loss of pay) one. Though I loved staying at home and doing some reading and writing, I felt that I should do something more productive to keep myself busy throughout the day. I started scouring Upwork for potential writing jobs by the end of January. And, as luck would have it, I was contacted by a client who wanted me to write for his travel website (check tamilnaduvacation.com). The work was easy, as it involved interpreting YouTube videos and writing them as blog posts. I was back in the pavilion and I loved every bit of the writing work.

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Meanwhile, there were talks going on in my home regarding my baby shower function. Auspicious days in March were being looked at. Amidst all this, I was enjoying my days by doing my content writing, reading books (Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern, The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield and Accident by Danielle Steel), eating different kinds of food and watching movies in my laptop. What’s more? I decided to self-publish my science-fiction short story Somewhere In A Song via Kindle Direct Publishing. I began working with my friend-cum-editor Dhivya Balaji, without whom the story would have been nothing. Her edits and suggestions were phenomenal for the good reviews that the story received later. I went through many revisions and drafts before I finalized on the perfect one that would endear readers. Since it was a genre that I hadn’t previously attempted, I was also afraid that my story would turn out to be a damp-squib. But I kept praying Sai Baba that it should go down well with the readers.

I also wrote a children’s short story for a contest in Juggernaut writing platform. Named as Larry And The Shining Stone, the story revolved around a boy Larry who discovers a meteorite in his garden and goes on a journey to the world of Alezandra. It got pretty good reviews from my near and dear ones. I have decided to expand the story and publish it as a picture book for my daughter. I am gonna gift it to her on her first birthday.

My Bumpy Journey – Fourth Month (January)

Yes, yes, yes! I have given birth to a cute li’l princess on July 18th. I have never been this happier before. Since I did not get labour pain naturally, I was induced and gave birth to a healthy baby girl after two hours of bearing strong contractions. Well, that’s a different story altogether. I will cover that experience in my tenth month post. Right now, I am enjoying motherhood. Of course, with sleepless nights and irregular meal times.

My Bumpy Journey – Third Month (December) – Part 2

“Once you have seen and heard its tiny heartbeats, you can never unsee or unhear them. Once you have fallen in love with the tiny ball of life, you can never unlove it. You would strive hard to keep it safe, sound, happy and healthy. Even if something unfortunate is going to happen to it, it will always hold a special place in your heart. Such is the intensity of this true love.”

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Read the part 1 here: Third Month (December) Part 1

I am gonna address the unpleasant incident that gave this month the title of Almost Apocalyptic Month. After the Christmas weekend, I returned to work and had to face more pressure. I continued my prayers to Sai Baba to grant me a break. Midnight of December 26th, I woke up with unusual bouts of cough. The coughing continued throughout the night. I was also distressed that something untoward might happen to my baby due to my endless coughs. My sleep was disturbed and I decided to take an off the next day. The entire day was dotted with my sneezes and coughs. I was not supposed to take any antibiotics. So, I just gargled my throat with salt water (three to four times) and gulped a cough syrup which was at home. As a result, my coughs subsided towards bed time. But I just couldn’t bring myself to sleep. I tossed and turned and tried to find a comfortable position, but sleep evaded me. Around 3 AM, I couldn’t bear the insomnia and I started crying. I said to my husband, “How will I go to work tomorrow, if I don’t sleep? I have already taken an off. I should not miss work tomorrow.”

He pacified me by telling that I can sleep the next day and that he would speak to my branch manager. After much consoling, he plugged the earphones on to my ears and made me listen to FM radio. Since it was the wee hours of morning, there were melodious songs playing in it. I was gradually lulled to sleep. After a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep, I woke up, drank milk and slept again. Then I woke up for breakfast and slept again. The entire day I was so sluggish and slept at odd hours. Well, the next day I was up earlier than usual and got ready to go to work with a renewed zing. The day passed by peacefully, since it was the end of the month and there was not much work.

However, something strange happened in the evening. My lower abdomen felt heavy and I conveyed this to my mom. She was to leave to Bangalore for a get-together with her friends. When I told her of my condition, she got dead scared and replied that she would stay back. I firmly told her that she cannot miss her enjoyment just because of my condition. She admonished me and went ahead to unpack all her things. I cajoled her much and finally made her agree. My husband and I left for my grandparents’ home to stay overnight, while my mom went ahead to catch the train.

The next day (December 30th), I hired an Uber cab and went to work. Even as I travelled in the car, I felt uneasy. A queasy feeling climbed over me and many unpleasant things started bothering my mind. Though I engaged myself in work, I felt so lousy the entire day. Come 4 PM, I had this sudden pain in my pelvic region. It was like a gaseous pain and it was really unbearable. I told my colleague that I would be back in a minute. Then I went to the spare room, sat on a chair and began crying. I even mentally scolded myself that that pain was nothing compared to the labour pain which I would have in July 2018 (by the way, my due date is on July 18th). After a few minutes, I went back to my seat and began counting the deposited cash in my cash drawer (I should close all the cash transactions after 4 PM). And that’s when I felt a sudden gush of liquid out of my vagina. I knew it wasn’t the normal discharge which I would have. I rushed to the restroom and checked my pubic area by rubbing my fingers. To my horror, there was blood! What the hell! I was bleeding. How can I bleed when I was pregnant?

Tears streamed down from my eyes immediately. I went back to my place, conveyed the news to my colleague and asked her advice. Another female colleague from the Wealth Management department of my branch handed me a sanitary pad. I sobbed non-stop, as I used the pad and returned to my place. The imminent fear of losing my unborn baby was writ upon my face. My colleague consoled me by telling that bleeding during pregnancy is normal and that I shouldn’t panic. She helped me in finishing my work soon. Then I called up my husband and grandparents and told them that I would go to the hospital straightaway. I didn’t want to burden my mom with the news, as she would panic too much and her entire get-together would get spoiled. So I kept mum and boarded the cab to go to the hospital. The CIS-Bureau staff of my branch accompanied me. She was a kind lady, who kept assuaging me that nothing untoward can happen. But nothing went into my ears. I just kept chanting ‘Sai Ram, Sai Ram’. I was also hampered by the thought of how I would handle myself if I lose my unborn baby.

My Bumpy Journey – Third Month (December) – Part 1

“Once you have seen and heard its tiny heartbeats, you can never unsee or unhear them. Once you have fallen in love with the tiny ball of life, you can never unlove it. You would strive hard to keep it safe, sound, happy and healthy. Even if something unfortunate is going to happen to it, it will always hold a special place in your heart. Such is the intensity of this true love.”

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I would call this month as the Almost Apocalyptic Month. Wait, that particular incident would be addressed only in Part 2 of this month. Let me begin with December 1st. I decided to take an off on that day. No, I wasn’t feeling lethargic. I didn’t have morning sickness too. In fact, I didn’t  have morning sickness or much vomiting throughout my pregnancy. I just needed a break on that day. My workload was increasing day by day and I thought I could do with a break. Besides, December 2nd was Milad-un-Nabi and so I had an extended weekend to enjoy. Friday and Saturday passed by as usual. On December 3rd, my husband and I decided to host a pre-anniversary lunch for our family. We headed to Zaitoon restaurant for a scrumptious lunch consisting of various non-vegetarian dishes.

Well, even during the first trimester, I didn’t restrict myself from eating my favourites (except chicken). So, I gorged on some delectable dishes and finished with a delicious brownie cake. The next day was our first wedding anniversary, but we had to zoom off to our respective workplaces. I distributed sweets to my colleague and my branch manager. Since it was a Monday, there were many customers visiting our branch and I was engaged with loads of work the entire day. Anyhow, we cut a huge rainbow fresh-cream cake in the evening and celebrated our special day.

My Bumpy Journey – Second Month (November)

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Yes, I am answering the million-dollar question of whether I conceived or not. I did conceive successfully, but where was the definite proof? I had to wait till November 8th, to check whether I would miss my period. The days leading up to that date were nail-biting enough. Even my colleague from my workplace was excited to know whether I had any good news in store or whether I had to repeat the cycle all over. [image error] Well, thankfully, I missed my period. But, but, I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes high. Though I had a perfect cycle, my period can make a late appearance too. So, I patiently waited for four more days and did a home pregnancy test on November 11th. Tada! My hands trembled with joy when I saw the bright two red lines on the kit.

Immediately I rushed to my mom and husband and broke the news. Woohoo! Joyful smiles all over. Since it was a second Saturday and I had an off, I called up my colleague (she is a 59 year-old woman) and conveyed the news to her. Then my mom called up my dad, grandparents, in-laws and other near and dear ones. I had a sloppy smile pasted on my face the whole day. It was an all-new feeling. To have a budding life growing inside you. I shared my excitement with my best friend Balakarthiga – the only woman from my friends circle to know the happy secret. And, what more? I met her the very next day for lunch in Anjappar (a popular non-vegetarian Chettinad restaurant). She was accompanied by her sweet brother Sibi and another friend Janani. We had a rollicking time and Bala lovingly guided me on what I should choose and eat. Since I should not have chicken, I ended up gorging on fish fingers and mutton biryani. We then visited a nearby church and finished our outing with some delicious coffee in CCD. Then, Bala carefully sent me home in a Uber cab, since I was not supposed to travel in bumpy share autos or buses.

My Bumpy Journey – First Month (October)

Well, well, well, I am going to come under lots of societal scrutiny for writing this series. Unwanted folks from god-knows-where will come knocking at my door to tell that revealing details about my pregnancy will bring negative energy into my oh-so positive life and I should delete these posts immediately (blah, blah, blah). But, eff them all, I am GONNA do this. My pen (keyboard in this instance), my words, my wish and my choice. You can have your shitty old-fashioned opinions to yourself. Or you can gossip about me among yourselves and have fun. But don’t advise me on what I should write and what I should not.

I have been planning to write this memoir from time immemorial. I just didn’t feel motivated to begin putting words to paper. Now I feel so inspired to start this. Maybe it’s the sudden burst of energy which every pregnant woman would feel just a few days before labour. Well, I have only 8 days to go for my due date and I am earnestly praying for the baby to come out.

Yes, embrace your past

Someone asked me, “You seem to be thinking always. What do you think about? The future? Or the past?”

Well, let me tell you something interesting. While most people tell that it is important to think about the future and they actually revel in some useful thinking about the future and making plans for a great livelihood, I would tell that it is also important to think about the past. The past has already happened, while the future is uncertain.

The past is filled with nostalgic memories that make me feel good at times of sadness in the present.

The past has taught some valuable lessons with which I can live the present the right way.

The past contains some depressing moments which have shattered me and yet encouraged me to move ahead.

The past gives me some great ideas for the stories I write in the present.

The past is the bittersweet era of all the beautiful things that the present does not hold.

The past consists of songs that serve as my lifeline, while the songs of the present make no sense.

The past has taught me to differentiate between good and toxic relationships.

Sometimes, when the present feels troublesome, the past provides solace to me.

People can easily say to let go of the past. But how can you really let it go? A good past invokes feelings of happiness and positivity. A bad past teaches you to correct your present. Let your past go only if it is traumatic. Let it go, if it eats away your present and carries vibes of affecting your future. Till then, embrace your past, however good or bad it might be. Speak of it proudly. I am not telling you to hang on to it and spoil your present. Instead, imbibe the lessons and cherish the memories of the past. Never forget something that has moulded you into your present version.

What do you think about this view, dear readers? Let me know your views in the comments.

This made me happy today!

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When I wrote these words for the first time, I didn’t know that they would have an impact on many people. All around the world, I mean. And I was also not aware that many people have been using these words for their photos and other posts. Today, a simple Facebook and Google search threw up a plethora of results, where these words of mine have been used as a caption for many photos. Some were kind enough to give credit to me and some were impolite enough to tweak the quote and use it without giving due credit. Though I felt a tad disappointed to know that people have been using the quote without crediting it, I felt relieved after seeing that the first result was from Goodreads (they have officially credited the quote under my name).

Anyhow, I am happy that my words were really loved by people. I am also contented that these words would stay immortal for centuries to come. Well, I had first submitted this quote to The Scribbled Stories and they officially published it on their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages. Here are the links: Facebook and Instagram

I will share more of my quotes, poems and prose in the upcoming blog posts. Stay tuned!

Love,

Kavya Janani. U

 

Moon Song #7

Yayyyy! A moon poem after a longggg time.

On taking daily decisions

Okay, so this is not about the decisions that you must take jointly – as a family or as a group of friends. This is all about the decisions that you and only you must take on a daily basis. Like, what am I going to eat for dinner? What should I wear for that function? Is it necessary for me to attend that party? Should I follow that home remedy for this flu? Should I eat that dish, even though I despise it? Should I attend this call and talk to this person right now? These are some of the daily questions to which you must take decisions. When I tell that you must take decisions, it means that only you have a say in them.

If you don’t want to eat something, then don’t. If you don’t want to wear that dress for that function, then don’t. If you don’t want to follow that particular home remedy suggested by so and so person, then don’t. If you feel that you don’t want to attend that party, then don’t. Take strong decisions and stick to them. You might think why I should emphasize on taking these simple decisions. You might also say that you are already taking those decisions by yourself and that I need not preach you on that. But there comes a time in your life when you might feel that you can tweak your decisions. This is when you allow someone you love / respect have a say in these small decisions. It might be your parent or your spouse or your best friend.

Sometimes, the person whom you love can manipulate your decisions in the name of love. They would tell you what to do and what not to do. They would demand you to wear that particular dress for that function or follow that particular home remedy for your flu. When you resist their suggestions, they would turn angry and argue with you. They think that they have the authority to impose their suggestions on you and that you’d follow them out of love and respect. However, this should not be the case. You can appreciate their suggestions, but don’t let go of your identity. Take these daily decisions on your own and follow them staunchly. Politely tell the other person that this is who you are and this is what you like to do. If they truly love you and respect you, they would surely accept your decisions. Never lose your independency at any cost.

If you are going to give in to their choices or decisions, then you are going to lose your ability to think on your own and decide what is good for you. Don’t let that happen to you. Stick to your daily decisions and allow your loved ones to take their own decisions. You can suggest whatever you want, but let them take the final call. The same applies to vice-versa. Forced choices will make you unhappy in the long run. Lead your life smoothly by being strong and determined in your daily decisions.

Love,

Kavya Janani. U