Alastair Macartney's Blog, page 6

What a Bottle of Champagne Can Teach You: Ponderings From My First Wedding Anniversary

What a Bottle of Champagne Can Teach You: Ponderings From My First Wedding Anniversary

Today my husband and I are celebrating our second first wedding anniversary. No, we have not split and then remarried, as the first sentence may imply. Rather we had the extreme pleasure of rejoicing in the start of our married life twice, with two very different, but equally incredible weddings. To mark the occasion we have opened a bottle of champagne saved from the wedding, and perhaps it’s the bubbly, but my mind has wondered onto some very deep lessons this particular bottle has taught me.

Our Champagne Story

My husband is a BASE jumper. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this rather niche sport, in simple terms BASE jumpers are seemingly mad individuals who choose to jump off of perfectly good Buildings, Antennas, Spans (or bridges) and Earth objects such as mountains. Wearing parachutes of course, well at least if they plan to ever repeat the activity. My husband’s participation in this thrilling sport quite often means we load up the back of our station wagon and road-trip it from our home in London through to various jumping sites in Europe.

On a trip last year we made a pit stop in Epernay, or the home of champagne in France. Our goal was to taste varieties of champagne in the local champagne houses, and choose one for our wedding which was planned for later that year. We started with the big names. We toured the never ending cellars of Moet and Chandon, and were whisked away to a world of luxury in their opulent tasting rooms. As delicious as their grand cru, or highest quality of champagne, offerings were, the experience was formulaic. The tour was offered in 10 different languages, shared with over 20 people, and ending in a souvenir shop.

We decided, after a couple of days of the same experience repeated, to venture out of the city centre. To leave behind the ancient and established champagne houses, in search of an authentic experience. On a long bike ride through the rolling hills covered in vineyards we happened upon a small champagne house. Domi-Moreau was ran by a husband and wife, who had inherited the champagne house. The wife lead us to a small private tasting room, where she offered us many glasses. Each was described with such detail and eloquence, despite speaking only broken English, that the personal pride she took in her product could not be denied. Her husband then, not speaking a word of English, was able to use a map to communicate to us how we could take our bikes and tour the family estate and vineyards.

The champagne was exquisite. The experience was unique and fresh, like putting on a new garment rather than a hand-me-down, worn and tattered from all those who had already had it. Like many of the other houses we had visited, only grand cru was on offer, but unlike the other stuffy cellars, this one came with a beautifully charming and original experience. So naturally we filled the back of the car with bottles.

Our Love Story

In choosing our champagne we championed originality, and there is no one more original than my husband. I did not know one man could be the combination of so many contradictions and imperfections, and yet, as a whole be so simply perfect. A man who hears a Belinda Carlisle song on the radio and announces “That’s my jam” while turning the volume knob onto high, a man who meditates twice everyday, a man who chooses to jump off of cliffs for fun. He has found happiness, his path in life, by being true to himself, and being an individual.

In our life together, our love story, we have strived for authenticity as well. By finding a best friend and partner who also believes that we should not “live the same year 75 times and call it a life”(- Robin Sharma), I feel supported in my efforts to be my own person, and create a life that suits our shared dreams. For our honeymoon we opted for backpacking through Thailand for over a month, rather than the package-deal and luxury of a resort. We celebrate our anniversary today by having a picnic on the lake, rather than an expensive meal in a posh restaurant. We make our own rules for love, life, and happiness, and we do it together.

Champagne is Very Educational

The Domi-Moreau Champagne house could make changes, perhaps invest in advertisement, and become the next big thing, available on supermarket shelves everywhere. However, the husband and wife have a simple and fulfilling life of their own design. Bigger is not always better, success is not only marked by dollar signs and following the crowd just leads you to a crowded place.

The post What a Bottle of Champagne Can Teach You: Ponderings From My First Wedding Anniversary appeared first on Perfect Madness.

10 Things To Do On Black Friday And Cyber Monday Rather Than Camp Outside Best Buy

10 Things To Do On Black Friday And Cyber Monday Rather Than Camp Outside Best Buy

I like camping. There’s a sense of adventure with it. There’s also a time and place for it. Camping outside a store, hours or days in advance isn’t the time or the place. Particularly when there are far better things to be doing.

For those that studied a little bit of economics it’s about opportunity cost. I won’t bore you with the detail but essentially it means that by camping outside Best Buy when you could be doing something else, the cost to you is the value of the opportunity that you just missed.

That’s the key part – the opportunity that you just missed. You’re not getting the benefit, the value, of what you could otherwise have been doing. In this modern day, if some of these bargains are really what you want, why not allocate 30 minutes of your time to an online shopping spree and save the important time to get maximum benefit from more valuable things in your life.

Here are 10 beneficial and more valuable things you could be doing:

1. Be Thankful.

Extend the Thanksgiving celebrations from Thursday all the way through the weekend. Millions of people will be doing it. Are they wrong? Sure, I talk a lot about escaping the confines of conformity but sometimes the majority are right. We don’t need to be unconventional for the sake of it. Embrace these relationships and enjoy them.

2. Be Mad.

Embrace your wild side. Do something different. Gather up your family and friends, be honest with them and take them on your journey. Maybe it’s escaping into the foothills on mountain bikes, bungee jumping or dying your hair blue. Share your madness. You might be surprised – your family and friends might not find it all quite as mad as you think.

3. Reach For The Stars.

Take this opportunity, while surrounded by family and friends, to reach for the stars. I talk about this in my new book. Gather their support. Brainstorm with them. Define your dream, however impossible it might be, and start your plan to make your impossible possible.

4. Reflect.

Take this time to reflect. What’s going on in your life? What’s right? What’s wrong? How’s your journey going, are the right people next to you? As you surround yourself with family and friends take this time to harness their love, support and honesty as you ground yourself in where you’ve come from and redefine where you’re going. You’re spending Thanksgiving with them because you care about them and they care about you – let them help you as you reflect and plan your future.

5. Volunteer.

Instead of embracing consumerism, embrace giving. Many of us donate money to charity but not so many donate something that is often far more valuable – our time. Maybe you can head to a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter. Maybe it’s helping your elderly neighbour. Donate. You’ll be helping someone and it’ll make you feel good in the process – a win for all involved.

6. Turkey Pot Pie.

You’ve probably got left over turkey. There’s no point in wasting it. Turkey pot pie is a great solution. But don’t do it solo. Get a few people involved. Make it an activity. Bond.

7. Go Skydiving.

I would say that, I’m a skydiver. If you are too, then you get this. You understand the camaraderie on the dropzone. It’s far more than just the thrill of leaping from a plane. The people there are your friends, even if you only just met them. It’s a community. If you haven’t jumped before then head on down. Take your family and friends. It’s a crazy, insane and intense experience. Don’t look back in years to come wishing you’d done it. Commit, then celebrate.

8. Post Thanksgiving Hiking.

You’ve sat down, eaten a lot, drunk a lot – probably even more than that. Celebrations on Thanksgiving are normally pretty awesome but can be a touch gluttonous too. A lot of calories can be consumed. Get out and about. Go on a hike. Family and friends can all join in. It can be a challenging hike, an easy hike – whatever works for you.

9. Be A Tourist.

If family and friends have travelled to you, take them around town. Show them your area. If you’re the tourists then get out and experience something new. Seen it all before? Really? So many of us don’t see the sights of our own City. Read more about it and how to do it in Elyse’s recent blog post here.

10. Is It Christmas Yet?

Some of you will be completely in the festive mood. Some of you will wondering why we’re talking about Christmas already. Why not embrace it? Use the time with family and friends to do something together and to get ready for your next holiday. Get the Christmas tree up. Start decorating. Finish this holiday looking forward to the next one. Having your next break in sight will make any stress created at work a little easier to manage.

Family And Friends

Stores are opening earlier and earlier in the mad rush to get consumers (you and me) to spend their money. Some are starting their deals on Thanksgiving. Would you really rather be spending this time rushing around a store or with your family and friends? Life, as we know it, is finite. Those physical goods aren’t quite so important as the relationships with the people that are close to you.

Bonus

Here’s a bonus number 11:

11. Perfect Madness.

Escape the confines of conformity, make the impossible possible and redefine the road to success in your life. My book, which launched this week, will steer you on this journey. Both the ebook and paperback version have a Thanksgiving special discount on Amazon which runs until the end of this month. The ebook is only $0.99/£0.77. It contains 38 life lessons across 7 chapters that will help steer you on your journey. Pick it up directly from Amazon.

Main photo by David Haines

The post 10 Things To Do On Black Friday And Cyber Monday Rather Than Camp Outside Best Buy appeared first on Perfect Madness.

“It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy”

“It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy” -Author unknown

This Thursday we will all sit down at our dining room tables and celebrate the best of the American holidays; Thanksgiving. I am not too fussed over which Native American tribe broke bread with the pilgrims, or what was on the first Thanksgiving table, I am however, absolutely in love with the true meaning of the holiday and it’s all in the name.

My Family’s Thanksgiving Traditions

My mother had a motto when it came to celebrating Turkey day “No one is left out.” Whether it was a neighbour who didn’t have any family or friends to celebrate with or co-workers who couldn’t make it home for the holidays, my mother always extended the invitation to our table.

Growing up, we didn’t have much. More than once I did my homework by the light of the apartment building hallway, when our electricity bill couldn’t be paid. Regardless of our modest life, my mother instilled in my brother and I a powerful message, what we had we would be thankful for and we would share it with others.

I went to vet school an ocean away from my relatives, and my friends in London became my new family; a family of friends. When it came to Thanksgiving our potluck celebrations, crowded around in our tiny student accommodation kitchen, embodied the essence of the holiday. No frills, no fancy china and silverware, just good food, even better people, and a room overflowing with love. We started a tradition of going around the table and one by one stating aloud what we were thankful for before we started in our feast.

The Power of Three Weeks

The experts say, that it takes 21 days to form a habit. That if you power through and make a point to perform the habit you wish to instil in your life everyday for three weeks, it will become second nature. Every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep I bring to mind three gratitudes. Three things I am thankful for in my life. They can be as profound as; I am thankful for the love of my husband, my soulmate, my best friend, and the person who helps me be the best me I can be. Or they can be as simple as; I am thankful for the extra hour of sleep my baby let me have this morning. Either way, the effect is the same.

“It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy” -Author unknown

By making a point to focus on all the good already present in our lives we cultivate positivity and increase our happiness. The best part is; the elements in your life that make you happy are already there, you don’t need to radically change anything, you merely need to focus and be grateful for what you already have.

One Step Further; Seeing the Good in the Bad

The next step in living a life more focused on gratitude is to try to see the positive in every situation. Over dinner my husband and I play a little game called “best, worst, and tomorrow.” The object of the game is basically to promote conversation at the dinner table, and to share about our days. You share the best and worst part of your days and what you are looking forward to tomorrow. But rather than start a negativity spiral, in which we simply complain about the worst part of our days, we try to find a lesson that can be learned, or some aspect of the situation which was beneficial. For instance, the other day a woman helping me with a return at the customer services department at a store was very rude and difficult to interact with. Rather than shoot negativity back at her, I took the opportunity to challenge my use of the ‘killing them with kindness’ approach. Also, later at the dinner table I reflected on how I would use her poor people skills as a lesson to myself, that even if I am having a bad day, I should avoid taking it out on other people, then where does the negativity end? It would become like a infectious disease we spread from person to person, until the whole world is sick with “meanness.”

Yet another example is when my husband and drove the 14 hours last Spring from our home in London seeking the sun, a relaxing holiday and some BASE jumping in Lake Garda, Italy, only to discover upon arrival that the whole region was plagued by snowstorms. It was easy to focus on the negatives in this situation, believe me, but if you look hard enough, and train your mind to do so, you can see the positives even in a seemingly ruined holiday. The lake was so very peaceful, and nearly empty, and the intensity of the weather created dramatic scenes on the deserted beaches, usually filled with sunbathers. We enjoyed some of the best hiking and lakeside strolls we have ever had there.

Cultivate Gratitude Over the Holidays

Starting with Thanksgiving this Thursday lets all make a pact to cultivate the gratitude in our lives. Start your own 21 day challenge (download our free Toolkit for help with this), and reflect on what you are thankful for when the sun rises and the sun sets and try to find the good in even the worst of situations.

Thanksgiving Special

We’ve just published our first book on Amazon and we’re offering a Thanksgiving Special of only $0.99/£0.77. We’d love it if you could download the book or purchase the print version – it would help us out and we know it’s full of real value that you will really love too – click here to see it on Amazon and to read more.

If you have a spare few seconds then we’d also love it if you could leave a review on Amazon too and help others to find the book.

The post “It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy” appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Why We Are Not Born To Conform

Conforming

Conforming is normal. It’s what we’re meant to do. It’s certainly what the government wants us to do. If we can conform we’re predictable, we’re manageable. Large scale coordination and organization is more simplified. It makes life easy.

But is life meant to be easy? Do you even want life to be easy? Sure, in some ways, easy is a great attribute – there’s no point in making something harder than it needs to be. But easy often translates to boring, to mundane. Easy often lacks challenge and purpose.

The Culture Of Conformity

Over time we’ve developed a culture of conformity. Most of us have been raised amongst it. It’s become normal for us to want to conform and to seek comfort in doing so. Our culture has developed to encompass this.

Culture is a good thing. It defines our societal way of life. But, inside our western civilisation, we’ve ingrained an associated requirement of over conformity. It’s become abnormal not to hold down a job that involves a dreaded commute, a life sat in a cubicle pounding away on a keyboard, serving a master that doesn’t have our best interests at heart and finishing a week at work tired and unfulfilled. Is this really how you want to spend your life?

Humans weren’t designed for this. We weren’t destined for unfulfilling lives. We were made to evolve, to use our brains, to create, to disrupt, to defy convention and to take a leap.

Evolution

We’re designed to evolve. Conforming is the antithesis of evolution. If you’re happy sat around with a traditional, uneventful life then by all means conform. If you want to really do something, to challenge, avenge, inspire, achieve, defy impossible then conformity needs to be imprisoned in the fire of hell.

Of course, in our modern world that conventionally rewards and encourages conformity, there are times where you will need to lose the conformity battle to win the comformity war. To interact and live in a modern civilised society we all need to conform to some sort of rules. It’s not necessarily these that I talk about defying – I’m not trying to incite an anarchic uprising. It’s more the culture that we inflict upon ourselves. The culture that, over time, we’ve engrained and adopted. By conforming without question to the societal norms that our lifestyles are predicated upon, we are becoming our own worst enemies – lambs to the slaughter, lemmings quite happy to walk off the edge of a cliff.

If we didn’t evolve we’d still be cavemen, the industrial revolution would never have happened, horseback would be our primary mode of transport, slavery would still exist and women wouldn’t have a vote. Evolution is hardwired in our DNA yet we choose to ignore it for an easy life of conformity.

The Future

The current stability and security that conforming to an unhappy vocational life is soon to be upended. Evolution will be forced on many of us. The security of that low paid and overworked job that you despise but cling to is disappearing. Jobs are going, zero hours contracts are on the rise, more and more work is being outsourced. The corporate world continues to be downsized.

If you’re one of those people sat in a job that could be done by someone else, consider your own evolution now. What do you want to do? You certainly have a skill – that’s why someone is paying you right now. Start evolving and understand how you can use it as a freelancer or within your own business. Be the person that your company outsources too, not the one that they fire.

Choose To Evolve

Live a life that you choose to define. Do you want to grow? Do you want to evolve? Moving forward, dominating and gaining momentum. Evolution doesn’t stop. You can choose to be one of those that define its journey or one that is eventually swept up on someone else’s coat tail.

Next time your doing something that you always do, next time you’re conforming because that’s what, over time, you’ve learned to do, ask yourself if it’s what you really want. Perhaps conforming is for you. Perhaps you want to leave the evolution to someone else, to let them pursue life’s challenges, take risks, make the impossible possible. But make that choice consciously so that, in years to come when you’re sat in your rocking chair telling your grandchildren stories, you’re telling them stories that you’re proud of, not of opportunities that you failed to explore.

Main photo by Scott Barron.

The post Why We Are Not Born To Conform appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Five Unconventional Ways to Stay Connected to Your Partner

Making Your Most Important Relationship a Priority

With less and less free time available in life, nurturing the bond between yourself and your partner has become more difficult then ever. On the flipside, with the daily pressures of balancing career, kids, chores, errands, and everything else, a strong foundation of love and support from your partner has never been more crucial to promoting enduring happiness.

I want to suggest 5 simple and unconventional ways you can continue to invest in the most important relationship in your life. My husband and I have employed all five, and are constantly trying to discover new ways we can spend time together, bond on a deeper level, and continue to grow as individuals and partners in life. Nothing in this journey is static, in fact the only thing that is guaranteed to be constant is the presence of change. Embrace this ideal, and help your relationship to evolve in healthy ways over the years.

Five Unconventional Ways to Stay Connected with Your Partner
(1) Cook a new recipe

I know there will be a ton of you out there already shaking your heads. Like me, you believe the kitchen is your domain. You can do everything in that sacred room, faster and better than your partner. I am not going to deny this is possibly true, because I know its absolutely true in my house. At first, attempts at having my husband join me in the kitchen were a disaster. I easily became aggravated with his tedious and slow efforts, and often preferred to just take over whatever task he was doing. Then we tried one simple step change that made all the difference; we chose a new recipe. A recipe that neither of us had cooked before, and therefore I could not be a “pro” at preparing it. In addition, we made my husband the Head Chef, meaning, he was in charge of reading and understanding the recipe, and delegating tasks to me, his Sous-Chef. Harmony reigns in the kitchen once again, and now we are so relaxed and laugh through the entire process.

(2) Read the same book

This may at first seem a difficult task to accomplish logistically, but I am by no means suggesting you make time to sit and read sonnets aloud to one another. As romantic as they may be every once in a blue moon, or in a romantic comedy, its impractical for everyday life. Instead I suggest, you decide together a new novel or non-fiction book that interests you both, or perhaps take it in turns to suggest a new book, and read over the same period of time. Hubby might read on his daily subway commute, while you prefer the audio file while you are on your morning jog. What you are doing is creating a shared experience, even when apart. You are both escaping into the same world created in the text, or learning the same knowledge the non-fiction expert is providing. As well as the benefit of the shared experience, there is the ability to discuss in your own mini- book club. Rather than popping on netflix on a Friday night after the little ones are in bed, grab your copies of the book, a glass of wine, and dissect together.

(3) Start a new hobby

In the honeymoon phase of a relationship everything you did together was exciting because it was new and your romance was new. As the years pass us by, however, the butterflies seem to have escaped our tummies, and we can easily settle into a routine. You start to chose the same “go-to” activities you have always done together. There is not anything you can do to make your relationship new, but why not engage in some new activities? In fact, treat the comfort and trust the shared years have provided as a gift. There is little you would feel nervous or scared to do in front of your partner, and this opens up the possibility for a whole new range of activity options. New hobbies my husband and I have started just this year together include origami, meditation, and pregnancy yoga. Not every new hobby will be a keeper, but that is part of the fun of exploring!

(4) Exercise together

We all love the endorphin boost a good run in the park, or a hot yoga session provides, and it is difficult enough to make time for ourselves in our hectic schedules. Once a week I challenge you to plan with your partner a shared exercise experience. Those endorphins will boost both your moods, and you will associate the time spent together, with the happy warm feelings inside. No way you can both make it to the local yoga studio at the same time, purchase a yoga DVD and practice at home. He hates running? How about a long hike or walk instead? One of you might be better at a given exercise, or generally more in shape at the moment, but do not let this stop you. Instead, agree to find a compromise level of difficulty where you are both comfortable. When you are willing to make the effort to engage in healthy habits together, you help establish a pattern of self investment within your relationship. Happy individuals, make for happy couples.

(5) Kitchen Disco Disco

My husband is a goofball, through and through. That childish ability to have fun in all situations that we somehow lose from the age of about 14, never left my husband. It can be very easy to try and get tasks done as fast as possible in our busy lives, rather than taking the time to try to make them enjoyable. My husband started the “Kitchen Disco Disco” tradition, in an attempt to put a smile on my exhausted face after a gruelling 12 hour shift at the hospital. He grabbed me and our dogs and dragged us into the kitchen where he had been cooking dinner and listening to music, he flipped the light switch over and over and started to dance around with us. I can tell you I had only one desire after a day like that, and it was to collapse on the sofa, but rather then turn him down, I engaged and moved around. Before long a huge smile was on my face, and my mood was completely lifted. Now everyday we meet at home after our days apart, we take a couple of minutes to Disco Disco in the kitchen. It might sound crazy, because like my husband, it is, but give it a go, and see if you can help yourself from having a good time!

What are your Unique Ways to Stay Connected?

This world is one giant community of people, all with inspiring ideas. So please share yours below! What ways do you are your partner engage, and stay connected?

The post Five Unconventional Ways to Stay Connected to Your Partner appeared first on Perfect Madness.

How Meditation Can Change Your Life

I was a sceptic. After all, meditation is something for hippies. It’s certainly not conventional. But my eyes have been opened and, despite the scepticism, I’m converted. I now strive to meditate twice a day and see constructive benefits in my life. If you’re not a meditator and are getting ready to skip to the next web page or procrastinate with some more social media browsing I urge you to reconsider. Take just a few minutes to read this post and consider how the benefits can be applied directly to your life.

What Is Meditation?

There are all different kinds of mediation and many definitions. I’m not going to try and provide a text book answer – there isn’t just one – but more my experience of what meditation is. In our increasingly chaotic lives and diminishing attention spans we often struggle to be mindful and present – I certainly do. My mind bounces around, thinking, pondering, day dreaming, distracted. And while I’m procrastinating in this way I’m not being present, enjoying the now, the moment that I’m living right then. Meditation helps ground me. It brings me back to that state and guides me to an induced state of consciousness.

Whether we’re talking about mindfulness, about meditation or about the different forms and combinations of the two isn’t important. What’s important is what works for you, grounds you and provides temporary respite from the chaos of everyday life.

Why You Should Meditate?

If grounding yourself and being present isn’t enough then just consider some of the health benefits. Almost without exception there is science backing the argument that meditation helps with stress, anxiety, sleep, depression, chronic pain, headaches, migraines, asthma, addiction, cardiac health, self esteem, confidence, creativity, memory and concentration, energy levels, relaxation and even an improved immune system.

It sounds too good to be true. Again, the sceptic in me didn’t believe the marketing hype that claimed all these wonderful health benefits. But then I googled some of it and found thousands of scientific papers in support (just try doing a google scholar search like this one if you want to read more on it).

But There’s Nothing Wrong With Me

But what if you don’t suffer from any of these ailments? Is there much point? Or perhaps you should ask yourself if there’s much point in self improvement. If you don’t have anything that needs fixing then perhaps you’re a step ahead of the curve. Meditation isn’t only for those that have something wrong with them but for those that continually seek self improvement, self actualisation and the ability to reach your full potential.

Meditation can even make you more productive. Mahatma Gandhi believed in the power of meditation when he told his aides:

“I have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.”

Famous Meditators

Contrary to what I thought, there are some incredible people that use meditation as part of their daily routine. They might be athletes, artists or business people – people who understand that meditation is a tool that will help them to be at the top of their game. Consider people like Sir Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey, Richard Gere, Madonna, David and Victoria Beckham, Sir Paul McCartney, Rupert Murdoch, Martin Scorsese, Kobe Bryant, Tony Schwartz, Tim Ferriss, Ray Dalio, Bill Ford, Arianna Huffington, Jennifer Anniston, Robert Stiller, Sheryl Crow, Jerry Seinfeld, Julie Weiss, Howard Stern, Barry Zito and countless others.

Tim Ferriss, on his podcast, asks his guests if they meditate as part of their daily routine. Almost without exception they all do some form of mediation. Tony Robbins was the exception but, when he talks about his daily routine, there are aspects that sound remarkably close to a mindfulness practice.

The military is even understanding the benefits. In the UK the Defence Academy has been running mindfulness training and in the US, there have been a series of studies done with Marines using meditation practices.

How To Start

If you want to give meditation a go, you need to work out what might work for you. I practice Vedic meditation twice a day for twenty minutes each tiem. No matter how busy we are, we can probably all find the time to incorporate this.

My meditation teacher was Will Williams. He’s based in London but runs courses overseas as well. Even if you’re not going to learn with Will he has a comprehensive website that explains much more about Vedic meditation. It’s a simple technique that involves repeating a mantra to yourself internally and can be practised almost anywhere – I’ve meditated on a train, a bus and next to a crying baby.

If you don’t want to jump right in then try something even shorter. The The 5-Minute Meditator has some quick and easy techniques you can use. There are also countless places on the internet that provide free guided meditations or mindfulness techniques (try here and here and here for example).

What Have You Got To Lose?

I’ve only been practising mediation for a few months now. I started as a sceptic and I’m now a convert. I truly believe it adds value to my life. I’m calmer, more compassionate and sincere, have deeper clarity of thought and I’m more relaxed. I expect to see further benefits as I become more proficient.

Try it. It’s worked for me. What have you got to lose?

Main photo by Sebastien Wiertz

The post How Meditation Can Change Your Life appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Why I Will Never Stop Living Life Like A Tourist

I moved from Southern California to London, in pursuit of a vet degree, and the experience of living abroad. That was over 7 years ago, and I still live everyday like I just stepped off the plane. I still live everyday excited by the world around me, eager to embrace new experiences, and appreciate the wonder in the seemingly mundane. How? Because I still live everyday like I am a tourist.

I spent the first few months in London with my camera strap perpetually around my neck. How could I not? For a Californian, the sense of history was not only intriguing but, overwhelming, unfathomable. The country seemed to have a surplus of ancient buildings, and I was especially shocked to see churches which in the States would be roped off and have an entry fee charge, being converted into trendy loft apartments.

For the first time I saw seasons. Just like in the movies, the leaves changed colours and the temperatures dropped below a degree that made flip flops un-acceptable all year round. And there was the snow. I am not sure you have truly lived until you have seen the streets of London covered in snow. The city apparently didn’t use any time within its vast history to learn how to cope with white fluffy stuff, and everything shuts down. A hush falls upon one of the busiest cities in the world.

Why Be A Tourist

After a few years, I knew my zest for taking in the London sites would wane. But I decided I was addicted. I loved living life like a tourist, and here is why.

Every Day is Exciting. We never have as heightened a sense of adventure as when we travel somewhere new. A whole new world to explore; alleyways to get lost down, and countryside to marvel at. Adventure opens our eyes, and takes us out of our routine. Adventure allows us to be free to seek out pleasure and excitement. The more we can increase the presence of this pillar in our life the happier and more satisfied we will be.
See the World with an Open Mind. When we are traveling we make a point to embrace the unknown. We make it our mission to try every new cuisine, to dare to engage in every cultural experience we can. Through opening our minds, and our bellies, to the new, we are growing as individuals. We are learning from the world around us, learning about it, learning about other people in it, and learning more about ourselves. We are widening our horizons.
Appreciate the Wonder in the Seemingly Mundane. I am obsessed with pictures. On every trip I take a few hundred at least. But not just of famous landmarks and stunning landscapes, but often of a unique tea pot at a restaurant, or a market stall selling all shape, size, and colour of produce. Only when traveling do we look at the ordinary around us and see how extraordinary it is.

Let’s All Live Like A Tourist

My challenge for myself, and for all of you, is to harness the enlightening affect of being a tourist. To take how traveling transforms our view of the world around us, and apply it to the world right around you everyday.

Take pictures of everything. Make a point of it. While out walking the dogs, or on your commute into work, think that you will find 3 things that are beautiful, and photograph them. I guarantee even if its just a Tuesday, you have done that walk 4 times already that week, and its a bit gloomy out, if you decide to find beauty, you will.
Make a list of all the restaurants in your neighbourhood, then try them all! When you arrive, ask the waiter what he recommends, what their best dish is. They may not all end up being a regular stop for you on a Saturday night, but they will all be a new experience and a step out of your routine.
Take an active approach to how you spend your weekends. Of course, Netflix and the couch are very welcoming, especially as winter approaches. But rather than waste the weekend watching fictional characters live-out thrilling lives, do a bit of research into what thrills can be found in your reality. Explore the Farmer’s market down the block, buy tickets to the local theatre, or have a picnic in the park and people watch.

I am sure you will find, just as I have, that once you start to live life like a tourist, its addicting. You won’t be able to get enough of the adventure, new experiences and beauty the world has to offer.

The post Why I Will Never Stop Living Life Like A Tourist appeared first on Perfect Madness.

How to Remember on Veterans Day and Remembrance Day

Veterans Day and Remembrance Day are almost upon us. This year is particularly special as it marks the Centenary of the Great War. But, of course, the sacrifice of any Serviceman, past or present, should be honoured and remembered. But how do we best do this?

Remembering can be difficult. As time goes on, those that are out of sight can also be out of mind. And to remember can bring sadness not joy. What these men and women have made possible is something we must celebrate. Their sacrifice must never be forgotten. Failing to live our lives, failing to use the freedom that they gave so much for, would be to dishonour them.

Live On

The UK’s leading military charity, The Royal British Legion, recognises this. They have recently rebranded and use the strap line:

LIVE ON – To the memory of the fallen and the future of the living.

Last year, on the 99th anniversary of World War One I travelled to Kansas City, Missouri, to see the Official World War One Museum and Liberty Memorial. To commemorate the anniversary, living on, I BASE jumped from the top of the memorial, with a Poppy emblazoned on my canopy, before presenting a Stars and Stripes flag to a Vietnam Veteran and watched as he then raised it up the flag pole in front of the memorial. It was a truly incredible and humbling experience. You can see the video of the jump below or click here to see some of the action on Fox News.

How to use your freedom?

Of course we must remember in the traditional sense, pausing wherever we are and whatever we are doing for a two minute silence . But as well as remembering we must honour.

You need to use your freedom, living a true and honest life. A life that you have chosen, not one that somebody else has chosen for you. Here are four ways you can do that:

Escape the confines of conformity. Do you live in a 9 to 5 job, work in an open plan office or cubicle? Do you cram into the tube, underground, subway car or get stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on your daily commute to and from work? Do you do this because you enjoy it? Or do you do this because it’s expected of you, because that’s what everyone does, right? But what do you really want? What makes you happy? What makes you tick? Step out from behind that cover of conformity, escape the confines and convention and live your life for you. Create a future that you want to create not one that many of us follow in the misguided reality of conformation of perceived societal norms. Escape these confines and live a life in the freedom that you define.
Step outside of your own comfort zone. Go on. Leap from a plane or climb a mountain – that’s what we mean when people tell you to step outside of your comfort zone. But that’s not necessarily true. We’re all different. We all work in different ways. For some, leaping from a plane of climbing a mountain is exactly what is meant by stepping outside of your comfort zone. But that comfort zone is yours. It’s your own comfort zone. One that you define and you can choose to own. Mountain climbing and skydiving just might not be your cup of tea. And, besides, stepping outside of your own comfort zone doesn’t have to be a mammoth activity. It can be something small like speaking to a passer-by in the street. Spice things up. Live a little. It’s your comfort zone. It’s yours to choose to step outside of. Do it your way, perhaps just a little bit at a time, and enjoy doing so.
Do something new. It can be easy to get stuck in a routine. Each day starts to resemble the last. Groundhog day starts to set in and we get comfortable with the normal and the mundane. Before we know it the days have turned into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. We then look back on our life and, often too late, realise that we missed out on what could have been something a bit more. Don’t let that happen. Take control. Step up to the plate and prevent the sameness and mundane routine from happening. Change can be difficult. There’s no need to be radical if it’s not how you roll. Just make some small changes like ordering a pumpkin spice latte instead of your regular americano. Force a little bit of change into your life and smile at the thought of it.
Live as if today is your last. I’m not talking about going all out crazy, shredding the most outrageous party and taking the most extreme risks. I’m saying live a little. Don’t hold back or put things off. As stated above, do something new, step outside of your own comfort zone and escape the confines of conformity. But do it. Actually do it. Don’t plan to do it tomorrow or next week. Pick something, just one thing and then go do it. Live it today. Make memories, create dreams. Don’t put off what you could do today. Make a start.

Remember why so many gave their today for our tomorrow. Honour them by using your freedom, don’t live your life wasting it. Live on.

Toolkit

If you liked this post then be sure to download our free Perfect Madness Toolkit by clicking the button below. It’s designed to help you use your freedom and escape the confines of conformity.

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Title photo shows a Poppy, symbolising remembrance and is kindly donated by John Bishop.

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Lessons Learned From One Month Of Having My Own Family

Today my son is one month old and over these 30 days of his life I have changed over 300 poopy diapers, I have had a small fraction of the 240 hours of sleep most others enjoyed, and yet, somehow, I have never been happier.  I have never felt a love so perfect, as when I look into his blue eyes.

In fact, my heart is overflowing with love these days, and sure, a lot of these happy mushy feelings probably come from the love hormone oxytocin racing through my bloodstream in unparalleled volumes following every breastfeed, but its more than that.  Its also more than the love I feel for the small human who has entered into my life.

For starters, there is a new appreciation for my husband, for the man who started this family with me.  For the man who held my hand through 24 gruelling hours of labour, and managed to rally me in the final moments of trying to push this kid out by exclaiming “I can see him!  I can see our son, and he has hair!”

I have also found that nothing brings a family closer, than the addition to its ranks of a tiny new member.  The bonds between relatives near and far have been strengthened, deepened, and revitalised, over the shared celebrations of my son’s birth.

The learning curve in parenting is steep.  My cerebral cortex has been hard at work over the last 30 days, learning, mostly through trial and error, more lessons than I can count. From how to tactically avoid getting peed on at every diaper change to how to tackle the intricate workings of the stroller/car seat docking system.  But more importantly I have learned some critical life lessons, with a more universal appeal.

Enjoy the Now

This moment right now, is unlike any other you will ever experience in this lifetime, it is one of a kind.  Savour it.  Revel in it.  Your children will never be this small again, your parents will never be this young and healthy again, enjoy them, enjoy the now.  Easier said than done, right?

Instead, we spend the vast majority of our time looking ahead.  Focusing on the next goal, the next benchmark.  Over the past month, my son has doubled in size, he has learned to use his little hands, and hold up his little head.  He is developing at rapid speed, and if I blink I will miss it.  I remind myself everyday, not to look ahead, not to dream of the days when he sleeps through the night or says his first words, but instead to plant myself in this moment.  To fully appreciate how small he is, and like all moments in life, how fleeting, how truly magically unique this one is.

By living lives which are entirely goal oriented, the magic of moments passes us by.  During my last visit to California my two year old niece was deep into potty training.  An incredibly tedious process, and I found the every 30 minute bathroom breaks particularly annoying during our trip to the San Diego Zoo.  I caught myself thinking, I cannot wait until this is over, as I kneeled down beside the tenth toilet we had visited at the zoo, in fact we had seen more porcelain than animals at that stage.  Then she looked at me, hands outstretched for help down, and exclaimed “I did it”  with a grin from ear to ear.  We then did a happy dance there in the bathroom stall together, and ran out to tell her Uncle Alty all about her triumph.

Every moment is stunning, if we choose to see the beauty in it.  If we are determined to bask in life’s simple pleasures, even poo can be spectacular.

We Take Our Family For Granted

Exhausted from the battle of childbirth, laying in the hospital bed in the early hours of the morning while a drip pumped into my arm, I watched my husband and my newborn son snore away; and in this moment I started to fully fathom my parent’s love.  Awake in the middle of the night, every night, just to feed my little guy, this love has become even clearer.  Cleaning explosive poos that manage to seep through diapers, two layers of clothing, and all the bedding, its pretty dang clear; a parents love is immeasurable.

Yet, how many times have I avoided retuning my mom’s phone call in the last year?  How many times have I flagged an email from my brother, to reply to later, only to ultimately leave it unanswered?  We take our family for granted.  Subconsciously, we assume, they have always been there, so they always will.  Sadly, these most important of relationships, are the ones most neglected, even the ones most abused.  Who do we show our worst sides to?  Not our friends, but our family.  We live with the belief that family bonds can take a beating, family bonds can wait for their turn for nurturing.

Family; Your First, Your Last, Your Everything

Our family is our first set of allies on this planet.  They are the foundation of all that we are.  We need to make them a priority.  We need to remember that we cannot live up to our true potential without a helping hand, and family are there, willing, waiting, and eager to provide it.

Return your mom’s phone calls, reply to those emails.  When you are holding your baby, or at your kid’s soccer game, don’t pretend to be in the moment, actually embed yourself in that reality.  Put away the distraction of your phone, your kindle, or your laptop, choose the light in their faces over the light of a screen.

Invest in your family, nurture your relationships and treasure all of your moments, not only because your parents have clearly invested in you, but selfishly because its a good investment!  It will pay back in immeasurable rewards for years and years to come.

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Dare To Dream On Halloween

Halloween is hands down, by far, my favourite holiday. Always has been and always will be. The streets of Smalltown, USA where I grew-up were absolutely lined with every type of miniature ghoul, monster, horror film creature, princess, and mythical being you could imagine. Magic filled the slightly cooler Autumn air, like a thick fog lingering above a swamp, true to the genre that dominated the TV screen in the month of October. As I said, it was only slightly cooler, and the leaves on the trees didn’t offer the same drastic array of vivid color changes other parts of the world experienced. This is Southern California I am talking about after all, seasons don’t really exist, they are just a game we play. But the faux cobwebs, carved Jack-o-lanterns, and delighted squeals of children were enough to set the spooky scene.

You took those few steps toward each front door full of excitement, joining a smaller group of children who had collected with the same pillowcase, or plastic pumpkin bucket, and the same goal in mind; candy. Its easy to see through Pavlovian conditioning alone how Halloween can become cemented as every kid’s favourite day of the year.

But my love for All Hallow’s Eve was about more than the Snickers bars and Hocus Pocus on repeat on the Disney Channel. It was an escape. It was the opportunity every single year to ask myself, what do I want to be? Then without judgement, you could transform yourself into anything your heart desired. There was no choice too outrageous, no costume too over the top.

As the years passed, Halloween in my 20s became more about how to drink lots with my college friends, and create a slutty version of childhood favourites; the slutty witch, the slutty vampire, the slutty nurse, the slutty black cat, etc. Much like the restrictions being placed on female adult Halloween costumes, in our adult lives we have lost the nerve to ask the same questions we so confidently did as children. What do I want to be? What version of myself will bring me the greatest sense of pleasure, happiness, excitement?

My challenge for us all this year is to take back that childhood right. To dare to dream. To allow ourselves to be bizarre 365 days a year. Let’s stop viewing “being like everyone else”, being “normal” as an accomplishment, and rather as a failure. We each have an intricately unique set of experiences that we have collected like postcards in our back pocket as we traversed life’s landscape. We each have innately different motivations and desires, that drive us. Find your inner child, and place yourself back into the early Octobers of your childhood. Its time to embrace our own weirdness, to ask ourselves what do I want to be, and to go out and be that person, no matter who it scares!

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