Alastair Macartney's Blog, page 5

Adventures in Exercising: Family Yoga

Adventures in Exercising: Family Yoga

For our Perfect Madness Balance month of January I have decided to focus on exercise.  I don’t want to engage in the resolutions of old, but instead I want to change my entire approach to physical fitness.  I want to discard the days of body punishing and box ticking.  I want to indulge in exercise.  I want it to be a gift I give myself.

In order for this mind shift to occur, I need to first find exercises I take pleasure in doing, so each week I will try a new form of exercise and report back my experiences, including a rating from 1-5, with 5 being the best experience possible.

This Week: Family Yoga

My husband and I have long been avid “stop, drop, and yoga-ers”, taking our mats with us on most trips we take, or using a soft sand beach as our studio.  But late last year we were delivered a beautiful baby boy, and let me tell you, having a baby is a real game changer.  In the most wonderful of ways, becoming a family, changes everything, even the way you exercise.  Finding a solid hour when both my husband and I are home, energetic enough, and the baby is asleep, to have a yoga session is pretty impossible.  But where there is a will there is a way.

What is it:

I am sure we have all heard of Mommy and Me yoga, a gentle form of yoga you can participate in with your baby.  Family yoga on the other hand, is our own creation, and in simple terms it’s tag teaming Mommy and Me yoga.  We discovered this form of yoga by accident when we tried to share the Mommy and Me yoga experience, and naturally started doing familiar yoga poses and exercises during our breaks without the little munchkin.

Benefits:

Exercise for the whole family
Fun for the whole family
The incomparable mind and body reconnection only regular yoga practice provides
Time to connect with your baby or child while also investing in your own fitness
Aiding in your child’s development and fitness
Even more relaxing and a release than regular yoga sessions because of the singing and dancing components

Drawbacks:

Only works if you have children, or you borrow some, a niece or nephew works just as good as your own offspring
Can be difficult to co-ordinate everyone’s moods and schedules
Does not feel quite as good as a body work out for Mommy/Daddy as grown-up yoga
Have to be comfortable being goofy and childish

Rating:

2/5. This is a rather low rating overall, but more so because it is not an exercise I would engage in everyday, rather than it not being enjoyable.  We love our yoga sessions with our little man, but the difficulty in catching us all in the right mood or time of day, makes it logistically difficult to have sessions regularly.  In addition, you don’t feel that nice slight fatigue or muscle exertion you would with other forms of exercise.  Therefore, I have concluded that family yoga is a fantastic once a week/ bimonthly form of exercise.

Stay tuned

Next week I am going on a geo-caching adventure!

Main photo by DD.

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Beating The Roller Coaster Ride Of Life

Beating The Roller Coaster Ride Of Life

This is the time when our Facebook feed is full of people commenting on the ups and downs of their last year. They’re telling us about the highs and lows. Roller coaster rides feature a lot. Your friends, including the ones that you’ve never met but have somehow become Facebook friends with, are summarising their last year. Perhaps you enjoy them. Perhaps you’ve seen enough of them by now. This post isn’t another one.

Sharing

If truth be told, I’m guilty. I nearly posted one. I’m pretty sure I did a year ago. It’s no bad thing. Sharing is a good thing.

I’d like to think that your close friends and family know all about it already. They shared the highs with you and they were there with you through the lows, helping you get back on your feet. Of course, there are the others that aren’t quite so close that probably knew nothing about any of them, particularly the lows – we don’t tend to broadcast the lows as much as the highs.

Facebook Positivity

Certainly, for me, I have a tendency to fill my Facebook feed with the good and the positive. I like to use my Facebook feed as a positivity amplification rather than a negativity downward spiral. Perhaps selfishly, I don’t like to read statuses where people talk about their bad day, their frustrations, the fact that the postman was late or that the tax man sent them a summons. I want to read about the fun, the interesting. I want my family and friends to be having fun and I try and fill my feed in a similar vein.

Perhaps it’s feeding my ego. Perhaps it’s because, deep down, I want to be liked – I think we all do. Perhaps I want people to think I’m cool, that I do fun stuff and have an exciting life. Many of my Facebook friends, the ones that I’ve met and the ones that I haven’t, probably think that’s all true for me.

Mostly, it is.

The Lows

But then there are the lows. We all have them. Some more than others. I don’t tend to share mine. So most people think that my life keeps ticking at this high-octane adrenaline-fuelled level of heightened insanity. At times it certainly has. But, this year, there have been times that it certainly hasn’t been at that level – something that I’m currently battling with. That’s OK though. That’s how life rolls. We just need to recognise that, deal with it and get back on top.

The Lessons

Here’s what I’ve learned:

The Lows. They happen. Some are worse than others. Everyone will go through them. You’ll beat it. You have before and you will again. But, in that moment, that moment of the lowest part of that low, all you can see is the present – that tragic part of the low. Know now as you read this, as you’re outside of that rut, that it’s ok to feel that. That it won’t last forever. That you’ve been out of it before and you’ll be out of it again.
Beating That Low. Sometimes, you just break out of it. Sometimes you need to do something to get out. Sometimes someone else needs to help you out. Sometimes it’s a combination of all of these. There are techniques to help. Here’s what I’ve learned to do:

Work out what it is that’s keeping you down. Perhaps you’ve lost your job, your relationship is on the rocks, your life is in a crisis point. It’s normally something big. Define the problem.
Break it down. Dwelling on that daunting dissapointment isn’t going to help anyone, especially you. So break it down into more manageable chunks. Can you update your CV, do a job search online or swallow your pride and apologise? Make the problem manageable.
Take action. By working out the smaller chunks, at least the first one, and then taking action, you’ll feel better. You’re taking responsibility, not necessarily for the reason you’re in that rut in the first place, but for being involved in the process to get yourself out. Make it happen. Don’t dwell on whose fault it is that you’re there in the first place. Do something to get yourself out, no matter how small that task might be. Take action.
Build. Now you’ve taken a step towards getting yourself out, build on it. What’s the next one? What action are you going to take? Take that responsibility and build on it.
Reward yourself. After each action you’ve taken, reward yourself. Re-educate yourself that there are pleasures in life. Prove to yourself that you can be rewarded, that there are smaller highs that you can provide to yourself. It might be 5 minutes out to check Facebook for roller coaster updates or a bite of chocolate. But each reward will not only encourage you to take more action but add that exponential power to pull you back up.
Don’t overdo it. As you start back up on your journey, the speed of your ascent can be slow. It can be fast. Whichever it is, don’t overdo it. We often don’t realise we’re taking on too much until we’ve actually taken on too much. Don’t overdo it. There’s no rush to get back on that horse, only to fall off. Take a steady pace so you can stay up there in the longer term.


Riding That High. As you’ve eased back up there, you need to maintain your level. For some, this is easy. For others, it’s harder. Either way, if you want to stay there, it will take some work. Like walking, it takes some effort. As you get good at it you do this naturally – we don’t think about moving our legs when we walk as we’ve learned to do this sub-consciously. Staying up requires you to plan, to calculate your risks and mitigate them accordingly. That way, when the jolt happens, you’re prepared for it, you’ve already accepted it and you have a plan in place to deal with it. Any fall down you might now have is only a slight trip in comparison.

Beating The Roller Coaster Ride Of Life

The roller coaster will still happen. Some of us are more prone to drama than others. Start this year with your plan to ride the peaks of the waves, bouncing from phenomenal maverick to phenomenal maverick or from the top of the kiddies roller coaster to the top of the next kiddies role coaster, whichever one lines your path in life.

Beat that low, take action and then ride that high. Despite how the dice of life is rolled, where you finally end up is a direct result of the choices you make – decide to make the right choices, decide to take control and decide to be back on top.

Main photo by Lotus Carroll.

Disclaimer: Clearly I’m no Doctor and have no medical training in this field. If you’re depressed and struggling to get back on top of your game then you should seek professional help. However, if your life problems are less severe then you might want to consider the lessons above that I have applied in my life.

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Being Selfish to be Selfless – New Life Resolutions

Being Selfish to be Selfless – New Life Resolutions

As January approaches, and the glimmer of the New Year is nearly upon us, the thought of resolutions and fresh starts are on my mind.  My husband and I have decided to devote the entire first month of 2015 to creating more balance in our lives, and we want to share the journey with everyone who follows Perfect Madness.  Balance is one of our four pillars to living a life outside the confines of conformity, and it focuses on Happiness, Health, Spirituality and Fitness.  The start of a New Year is the ideal time to focus on creating more balance in our lives, ensuring our minds and bodies live in harmonious symbiosis by engaging in daily activities that promote health and induce smiles.  So stay tuned for upcoming posts, and if you feel truly inspired check out the Perfect Madness Toolkit which is a free guide to living a whole year in the Perfect Madness frame of mind.

Self Investment

The other day my dear husband watched our 3 month old son for me while I went for my first run in over a year without the little munchkin either in my tummy, or sleeping soundly in his jogging stroller.  It was amazing.  The great outdoors, the sun shining, the cool winter air on my face, and the endorphins flowing through my blood.  But you know what else was incredible about the experience?  Having 40 minutes all to myself, and using that time to invest in my own health.  Is it selfish to say I enjoyed having that time away from my baby, and even more so to say I need that time?  Perhaps it is, but if so, everyone in my life, including myself, benefits from my selfishness.  I came back a healthier and happier person, and if I give myself the gift of self investment on a regular basis I will continue to be a happier and healthier person, and therefore, a better mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.

New Years Resolutions Worth Making – New Life Resolutions

On December 31st it’s very tempting to make the same old resolutions I have for the last 30 years; especially with the mommy tummy still present, but instead of a year of better living, and more realistically a month, I am going to make New Life Resolutions.  I am going to focus on self investment, and promoting balance between my mind and my body.  Here is how I will transform the traditionally self-hating resolutions of old, into self-loving and healthy lifestyle changes;

I will lose 10 lbs —–> I will love the body I have now, and focus on being the best me I can be by eating healthy, and engaging in exercise I enjoy regularly.

I will go on a serious diet for all of 2015 —>  I will eat foods which enrich my body, and cut out all the processed empty calories.

I will hit the gym every day—> I will find exercises which make me happy while I do them, and not punish my body with activities I hate doing, in hopes of correcting body issues I may have.

There are also a few more resolutions I plan on making, which ultimately will transform me into a more well rounded and happier person; for example I want to learn Spanish and travel to a new country. I want to take the time to focus on me, and let that positivity effervesce to those important people in my life.  The year 2015 will be amazing, and I will be amazing in it!

Main photo by Jonathan Cohen.

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The Wonder Of Christmas

The Wonder Of Christmas

Christmas, for me, was a time of pilgrimage.  I couldn’t wait. I would count down the days. I would go on an adventure pilgrimage.

This pilgrimage didn’t include family. Christmas was a time of escape, not of bonding and sharing, not of the gratitude towards my family. No. I was too young to be tied down to all that. Life was too short. The world was full of adventures and I wanted to have them all.

The Family

For many years my adventure pilgrimage was to Florida. I would go for a month with a small group of people that I would teach to skydive. We’d go to Skydive DeLand – a mecca for skydiving set between Orlando and Daytona Beach. We’d skydive hard and enjoy the local sights on the odd day off. We’d make friends.

Each year I’d return. The friends I’d made would become better friends. I’d make new ones too. The skydivers became a family. Our backgrounds, our jobs, our ages, our ethnicity didn’t matter. We had a common bond – we jumped out of planes. Those that have done it will understand. Those of you that haven’t won’t quite understand – that’s ok though, the point is we bonded, we had something in common that no-one could take from us. We really did become family to each other.

The Wonder

It’s only now, in my older (late 30s), arguable slightly wiser, arguably more mature (although I still think I’m Peter Pan) family orientated life with an awesome 12 week old baby, that I look back and wonder.

I wonder if what I did was right. I wonder if I used my time correctly. I wonder if I went on the right adventures. I wonder what else I missed.

There is no doubt – I had an amazing time in those years. I really did join an amazing family. I had adventures that many people will spend their life time dreaming about. But what did I miss?

The Opportunity Cost

Opportunity cost is a micro-economic term first used by an Austrian economist, Friedrich von Wieser, 100 years ago. Essentially it’s the principle that the opportunity cost of a choice is the value of the best alternative that is forgone. The cost of my adventures to Florida each Christmas time was the cost of the opportunity that I missed out on.

I wonder what I should have done. I wonder what my next best opportunity was.

Of course, I could have gone on many other adventures but there’s one that I missed more. One adventure that I can’t replay in the same way.

My Family

I missed out on the family Christmas. Sure, I was with my skydiving family. But I wasn’t with my family. I wasn’t with my mother. I wasn’t with my father. I wasn’t with other close family members.

Missing out for the odd year, here or there, is fine. But missing out on multiple occasions makes me wonder. Now, as a new father, I wonder more.

There will be a time when my son will be fully grown and departing on his adventures. I’ll encourage him and smile and hope he has an amazing time, learning so many life lessons that you can really only fully learn by experiencing life yourself, making your own mistakes. But I’ll wish he was at home with my wife and I.

Taking For Granted

My family, the family that has done so much for me over the years, the ones that have been there at a drop of a hat, unquestioning, even when I am in the wrong, never once begrudged my travels. They never once moaned that I went away, experiencing life in the way that I chose to experience it. Escaping the confines of Christmas conformity.

But I wonder if I didn’t need to jump quite so far out on a limb. I wonder if I could have spent time celebrating a traditional family Christmas AND time with my skydiving family. Of course, I wouldn’t have had quite as long with the skydiving family but I would have been able to spend time with my close family, the ones that are always, always there for me.

I wonder, as I look back at life with the fresh eyes of a new father, if I was too selfish. I wonder, looking back through these eyes, if I needed to give back, to share. It was never asked of me, it was never expected. Yet, as slowly I develop an ounce of empathy and, selfishly, consider what life as a father will look like for me, I wonder if I should have done more.

This Christmas

If life ever takes a horrible turn and you need someone, unquestioningly to have your back, to be there for you, at any time of the day or night, who would it be? Family are the ones that are there. Maybe, just maybe you should invest that little bit of time with them now. And maybe, you might actually enjoy it. The years will fly and these opportunities will disappear, opportunities that you can never get back.

I have one request this Christmas, one call to action: don’t take your family for granted – ask yourself what you can do for them.

Main photo by Michael Li.

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The Best Gifts Aren’t Under the Tree

The Best Gifts Aren’t Under the Tree

As I look over at my infant son dressed in his silly Christmas jumper, my heart swells with joy. There are two reasons for this overwhelming amount of happiness; the first that I love that for now he lacks both the verbal capabilities and fine motor skills to protest to the ridiculous holiday outfits I force upon him, and the second that I am celebrating my first Christmas with a family of my own. I have never been happier than I am at this very moment. I want to share a short but simple message with everyone this holiday season, a reminder of what is truly most important in this life, and you can’t put a price tag on it.

The Best Gifts are the People Around the Tree

Whether you are celebrating with your family, your family of friends, or just a quiet holiday with your partner, these are the people who bring the magic to this time of year. Our allies in life are our greatest asset. A glass of mulled wine would not taste as sweet if they were not there sipping one beside you. It is easy to enjoy the company of our loved ones now at the best of times, but we must remember their support, and cherish their presence all year round, above any presents wrapped-up with bows and printed paper.

The Best Gifts are the Memories Made Around the Tree

I have a new saying I repeat to myself a few times a day “these are the best days of my life”. My son will never be this small again, and we will never be so young and so healthy as we are in this moment. You never realise you are living the good ole days, until that time has come and gone. This holiday season I am going to embed myself in the present and absorb the perfect imperfection of every moment. I am going to make the most of all the extra family time, and rather than complain about driving around to see all the relatives, or having a full house if you are hosting, I will be thankful that I have so many opportunities to make memories with these special people in my life.

The Best Gift is the Gratitude Felt Around the Tree

Above all else I will be thankful this holiday season. I am blessed with the best gifts; family, friends, and the opportunity to enjoy them both. The joy I will experience because of these gifts will not go unnoticed, and unappreciated. So I am sending out a special thank you to everyone in my life, near and far. Thank you for being one of my allies, and thank you for the memories we have made this year and in past years. I am wishing you all the best gifts the season can bring, and the wisdom to be grateful for them over anything that can be bought in a store.

Merry Christmas.

Main photo by Alan Cleaver.

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Top 5 Life Lessons From The Wright Brothers

Top 5 Life Lessons From The Wright Brothers

Exactly 111 years ago it happened. Well, almost exactly. 111 years ago yesterday.

The impossible was made possible. Adversity was conquered. Where many others had failed, these brothers achieved. Human flight became reality. 111 years ago Wilbur and Orville Wright made the first controlled, powered human flight.

Of course, this claim is disputed and it is possible that someone, somewhere else, may have beaten them to it. But the Wright Brothers are the ones that are known for it. Honestly, it doesn’t matter if they were first or not. The reality is they did it. They achieved.

Human flight has been a passion of mine from the time I developed head control as a baby and was able to look up at the sky. It’s taken me on an incredible journey, one that I describe in my TEDx talks at the Houses of Parliament and in Kansas City.

Here are my top 5 life lessons inspired from the Wright Brothers.

1. True Pioneers

Pioneers are generally people that are the first to use, to apply, to explore. The true pioneers are the ones that dare. Perhaps Wilbur and Orville were the first to achieve here. Perhaps they weren’t. But, as far as they were concerned, they were breaking new ground.

The true pioneers push forward. Despite the efforts of others, the true pioneers stay focussed on their goals. If you want to be a pioneer you must accept that failure is a high probability along your journey to ultimate success. Know that impossible must be first defied, then defeated.

2. Defy Convention

In 1903 convention was certainly not to fly. Why would you want to? Humans weren’t born to fly. Those that dared to defy this human flight convention and to pioneer its advancement, knew that an increase in engine power was more important than the development of a reliable system of pilot control. The Wright Brothers flipped this on it’s head, defied the convention of other experts and focussed on the pilot control system.

Defying convention isn’t just about societal convention. Taking advice and listening to peers is an important process. But defining and following your own path, in your own way, defying the convention that others lay down, while not without its own risks, is part of the integrity of the journey that you define.

3. Overnight Success

Achieving something great, defying, pioneering can be a life changing experience. These guys were incredible pioneers. Their seemingly overnight success wasn’t overnight – it took years to plan, research and develop with many failures along the way. They poured their hearts and souls into it.

Modern day societal convention has increased the demands for instant gratification and reduced attention spans. Overnight successes are unusual and there are exceedingly few that occur without huge amounts of hard graft. Seemingly overnight successes normally take years of work and dedication. Follow through on your dreams, don’t abandon them. Commit and achieve.

4. It’s Never Over

111 years ago, the Wright Brothers made history. But they didn’t rest on their laurels. There was so much more to achieve and develop. Sure, that day when human flight became reality they must have celebrated, but they went straight back to work. There was so much more to do. Orville Wright was born into the horse-and-buggy era and died at the dawn of supersonic flight.

You’re only as good as last thing you did. Your journey in life will continue no matter how many successes and failures you have. Your best chances of success are by building on other successes. Use these strengths to persevere. It’s never over.

5. Be Mad

In my new book, Perfect Madness, I quote Albert Einstein:

“For an idea that first does not seem insane, there is no hope”.

The Wright Brothers had a crazy, insane, mad idea. Human flight was their dream. They dedicated their lives to it. Many thought they were mad.

But sometimes the best idea is the idea that everyone else thought was crazy. The one that they all say no to. Sometimes the very best idea is the craziest one of all. Have the courage to listen to others, respect their advice and opinion but then make up your own mind. Commit. Make it happen. Be prepared to be mad; it’s perfect madness after all.

My new book has many more life lessons and I’d love it if you picked up a copy on Amazon. Once you’ve read it, leaving an honest review on Amazon would also be really fantastic and will help others to find it.

Main image by Tom Wigley.

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5 Free Date Ideas

5 Free Date Ideas

With the holidays swiftly approaching we are all watching every penny, and scrambling around checking off our christmas lists, attending a different holiday party every weekend, decorating the house, and preparing for out of town guests. This festive time of year is truly magical, but with so much more on our plates, both literally and figuratively, it can be easy to put the most important relationship in our lives on the back burner. Here are some easy, free, and fun date ideas, to ensure you are your spouse/partner set aside some time for just the two of you without breaking the Christmas budget.

Origami Night

The mental health benefits of origami are numerous, but above all I love the practice in mindfulness it brings. In this day and age, using the google machine you can find detailed instructions online, complete with video tutorials, all for no cost. Make yourselves cozy at home with a bottle of wine and start folding some paper together.

Geocaching Adventure

One of the greatest new apps which can turn you and your partner into modern day explorers! Visit www.geocaching.com/play for all the details, but essentially you download the free app, and start navigating to hidden treasures near you, and once found you can trade nicnacs that other adventurers have left behind, and sign the log book. You can also track all the geocaches you have completed on the app!

Picnic in the Park

Make a few of your favourite sandwiches at home, and maybe even toss in a few mince pies and leftover mulled wine in a thermos and set-off to your local park. Its astounding how much easier conversation flows with the simple act of changing-up the scenery. If you have kiddies try to choose a park with a play area that will keep them entertained so you can have quality time, or choose to go out when the baby is napping.

Cruise for Christmas Lights

Make a playlist of your favourite holiday tunes and hop into the car ready for a light seeking adventure. Take turns guessing what parts of your neighbourhood will have the best lights, and explore adjourning areas as well. Make sure to act like Christmas light experts and rank the top 5 houses. Share about Christmas memories from your childhood, and traditions you hold dear.

Countryside Walk

It may be a bit chilly out, but frozen ground underfoot rather than thick mud makes walking in the countryside even easier. Thick frosts, and if you are lucky, fluffy snow, create the perfect backdrop for romance. Outdoors and away from the distractions of home and screens, you will be able to connect and share with the benefit of both being fully engaged in the conversation and present in the moment. Couples that exercise together, also benefit from investing in their individual health and health of their relationship at the same time.

Main photo by Guian Bolisay.

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8 Things Happy People Do Differently

8 Things Happy People Do Differently

Wouldn’t it be great to be happy all the time? I’d love to get rid of those dark moments. With so many people suffering from anxiety, stress, depressed moods and more, we need to find natural solutions.

Over the last few years, as I’ve gone about my life, I’ve wondered what happy people do differently. This list isn’t conclusive, it’s not backed by any scientific data, it’s what my gut tells me in the pursuit of happiness as a student of life.

#1 Absolute Forgiveness

Happy people forgive. They move forward. Storing up bitterness, anger and resentment chips away at your happiness stockpile. Elyse recently posted about how happy people are thankful, but they also forgive. Holding on to issues inevitably causes rumination and removes the possibility of total peace and completeness. Sometimes you might feel you’re not ready to forgive, that the anger still burns deep. But, the more you can ease into that forgiveness and move forward, setting the issue aside and forgiving, the more you can move on with your life and smile.

#2 Comparison Abstention

Happy people don’t compare. They don’t look at someone skinny and decide that they’re too fat. They don’t look at someone with an expensive car and decide that they’re too poor. They don’t look at people that they believe they’re ‘better’ than and feel a sense of superiority. They look at people for who they are and they look at themselves in the same way. Happy people have made their own choices along the way and are content with them. Happy people don’t just stay away from comparison, they have no need for it in their life.

#3 Total Empathy

Happy people are empathetic. They can relate. They understand. Happy people know that we can’t all be at our happiest 100% of the time. When they are there for others, when they empathise, they provide that very much needed support. In doing so, a multitude of endorphins are released as they help others, making them feel happier. And in doing so, they learn.

#4 Self-Improvement

Happy people seek self improvement. Happy people learn. They use the Knowledge Protocol – something I outline in my book but essentially it’s knowing how much you don’t know. They have a thirst for knowledge, a thirst for self-improvement. They want to be better. When they learn, they challenge themselves, they find out more about themselves and they create new adventures.

#5 Choose Yourself

Happy people choose themselves. Just like the title of James Altucher’s bestselling book, Choose Yourself, happy people make their own choices and choose to do so. They choose to make the choices that they want to make. They choose to do what they want to do. This isn’t selfish, this is honest. They’re honest with themselves. Happy people build themselves up by choosing themselves and, in doing so, add value back to others.

#6 Letting Go

Happy people let go. In a similar vein to forgiveness, they let go of their baggage and they move on. They don’t hold on but let the stress slide off their shoulders as they move forward. While happy people strive for self-improvement, they leave their baggage at the front door and enjoy the moment.

#7 Being Present

Happy people are present. Happy people saviour the moment. They know that the past is the past and the future is the future. Sure, they need to spend time considering both, but they also treasure the very moment that they are in, inhaling the smells that surround them, gazing at the beauty in front of them, hearing the birds chirping, tasting the exquisite cuisine and feeling the textures with their finger tips. They use all their senses to the full and experience what it is truly like to live in the moment.

#8 Care For Yourself

Happy people care about themselves. They know that they need to stay fit. That’s mentally fit and physically fit. #4 was about self-improvement – working on the mental game. There are many more avenues to take towards that. And there’s also the physical side. Happy people know that staying fit is important – exercise raises your happiness levels – but they go a step further in looking after themselves. Happy people see their doctor and get medical check ups. They recognise that what they eat is the fuel that they’re putting into their body – they don’t expect to get results if they don’t fuel their body correctly. Happy people take care of themselves.

You

What makes you happy? What’s not on this list that you find makes you happy?

If you liked this post we’d love it if you shared it with your friends.

Main image by Farrukh.

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When Failure is Not an Option: 10 Things Only Parents Can Do

When Failure is Not an Option: 10 Things Only Parents Can Do

My husband and I have had the indescribable pleasure of becoming parents to our son Finn Thomas 10 weeks ago. Driving home from our first Christmas party attended as a family last night, Finn started to get fussy, as babies do, and I instinctively sang him his favourite made-up songs, while by husband reached his arm back to hold his hand. Sigh of relief, baby soothed. In that one moment we felt like old pros. Like we had been in the parenting game for years. As they say when you have children; if you feel like an awesome parent, give it a few hours.

Parenting is all about its highs and lows, its triumphs and what may seem like failures at the time. But failure is not an option. You cannot return the baby if it leaks too much, or makes too much noise.

Completely Clueless About Babies

I may feel at ease holding my 2 month old son now, with his delicate frame of 11 pounds, his tiny fingers and toes. But in all honesty, when he was delivered into my arms 10 weeks ago, he was the first newborn I had ever held. Confession; I didn’t like babies. I was not the lady to swoon over every small human that came my way, and countdown the days until I would have my own. It wasn’t until my niece came into my life 3 years ago, that I realised what endless joy children bring into our lives. So when my husband and I decided to have a little munchkin of our own, we knew the learning curve would be steep. We didn’t have years of practice babysitting for friends and family.

10 Things Only Parents Can Do

There are skills we all learn as new parents that you can only master when you have to meet the demands of an infant all day and all night for months straight. In combination they make you a Mommy or a Daddy, but in isolation, they can be just sort of bizarre and comical.

1. Being able to drink your cup of coffee/tea cold

2. Make that cup of coffee/tea with one hand

3. Fold laundry with one hand

4. Do basically anything with one hand

5. Smile back wholeheartedly at the little face that has woken you up at 3am every night since they were born

6. Make-up song lyrics on the spot using your environment, and invariably the word poo, partly because it rhymes with everything, and well, partly because there is so much poo in your life

7. How to clean projectile poo or spit-up from your hair while laughing at the comedy in the situation.

8. Eat a meal or take a shower in under 5 minutes, while also doing number 6

9. Speak baby cooing sounds fluently

10. Give everything in your being to making another person contented, healthy, and above all else happy

Failure is Not an Option

So how to you face a challenge when failure is not an option? When you have no prior experience to help guide you?

Prepare: we did the same before a big exam in school, and yes babies are infinitely more complicated than calculus, but the same approach applies to any new challenge. Read every book you can, enrol in courses on the topic, study the subject as thoroughly as you can both before and during the challenge.

Recruit Allies: more likely than not, others have faced the same challenge before you. Do not let pride interfere with seeking help and guidance from those who have it. Admit you’re a novice, there is no shame in this, there is, however, shame in being too prideful to ask for a helping hand.

Trial and Error: I literally tried a million and one ways to get my little monkey to smile for the first time, and in the end, it was simply looking at me smiling while I spoke to him that got me the first one. All of my attempts, from silly faces, to wiggling every toy we have in the house in his face, were not failures, they were just attempts at success. More often than not we will not succeed on our first go, but it’s not classified as failure until you give-up, throw-in the towel, and call it quits.

Trust Your Instincts: who knew that two adults with absolutely no experience with babies, actually have parenting instincts? No matter how foreign a situation may at first seem, we all have instincts, derived from previous life experiences, which are seemingly unrelated. When Finn refused to go back to sleep in the early days, one night my intuition told me to lay my hand on his chest while I rocked him. I knew that my touch, that simple reassurance that I was there, that he was not facing this alone, had helped soothe my dog and cat patients when my job title was not Mommy, but veterinarian.

When we face a new challenge in life, our greatest fear is failure. My two months of parenting, have taught me that if you take away that fear immediately, by accepting failure is not an option, you can relax into the task at hand. There will be bumps along the way, and you will have to learn, grow and adjust, but ultimately you will feel the warm glow of success in your heart. For a few hours anyway.

Main photo by stockmonkeys.com

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Plan To Be Surprised!

Plan To Be Surprised!

Many of us get stuck on our path in life. What do we want to do? Where do we want to go? What should our vocation be? What career should we embark on?

So many questions. And they’re important questions. The decisions we make have the potential to be life changing. Life changing in 2 ways:

Right Decision. Make the right decision now and we’re set up for life in a career stream that keeps us focussed, that we’re passionate about and provides the job security and financial stability now and in the future. Making a decision that incorporates these factors is, in our mind, absolutely essential.
Wrong Decision. Making the wrong decision now removes the possibility of having a career stream that keeps us focussed, is mundane and does not have job security or, perhaps worse, lacks financial stability in the future. The impact is huge. We cannot make the wrong decision.

If we get it right, life falls in to place. We walk away happy and content – success is within our grasp.

If we get it wrong, we’re condemned to a life of ‘what-ifs’. To wondering what could have been. A life of chasing our own tail and looking over our shoulder. A life of never quite feeling content.

The Third Solution

Is there an alternative? Is there room for error? How do we choose correctly? Perhaps things aren’t quite so black and white. Perhaps there’s a third answer, a third solution.

My book, Perfect Madness, discusses escaping the black and white in the first chapter. In this instance, the pressure on making the correct decision needs to be removed. And it’s actually quite simple – there is no right decision.

The Right Decision

The real answer is, for many, you’ll never know if you made the right decision or what that right decision is. That might make you feel a little anxious. You may have been thinking that I had a magic solution for you. An alternative to the life changing decision of choosing the red or the blue pill. There’s always an alternative to the red or blue pill but you need to choose something – that’s the third solution.

While you might never know, you need to consider all the facts, take advice and then commit. In making a decision, there isn’t a wrong decision. You need to choose one of the paths presented to you and go for it. You need to come up with a plan. Then pick that plan up, put it in gear and drive it hard. Go for it. Commit.

The Size Of The Goal

The decision doesn’t need to a big decision either. Small, short goals are acceptable too. You don’t need to to commit to a lifetime in the Army or to become a brain surgeon. Instead, try signing up as a Reservist or taking a medical course.

What If The Right Decision Is The Wrong Decision?

But what if the choice you made is the wrong decision? What then?

Again, it’s simple. I said earlier that there is no wrong decision. I lied. There is a wrong decision. A wrong decision that will lead to failure.

The wrong decision is a lack of decision. And this is so easily done. It’s so easy to procrastinate over which path you should follow. The implications of your decision are potentially high. As a result, defeating the procrastination and committing is probably the biggest battle that you face here.

But How Will You Know You’ve Made The Right Decision?

Once you’ve committed to be decisive, committed to drawing a line in the sand, to taking that step forward, you need to make sure you decide correctly. The reality is, if you want to dissect the details of your decision, your choice, if you want to collect data and statistically analyse your decision, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

The right decision is in making a decision. It’s your best guess. But it’s not really a guess. You’ve got all your years of experience behind you. You might not think you’re fully qualified to make a potentially life changing decision but, trust me, you are. Your brain has stored a huge amount of data over your life time. It’s going to pull all this together and provide you with the tools, the ability of an artist, to interpret it and make you choose a path that you’re aligned to. If you stray away from your gut, that’s when you’ll make the wrong decision. Make the decision for you – the one that’s right for you, not for someone else.

The Reality Of Choosing Your Path

The reality of all this, if you plot out your future life and/or vocational path, is that, in all likelihood, you won’t arrive at your destination as planned. Some of you will get there sooner, some later. But, the vast majority won’t get there at all.

Why? Plans change. As we proceed along out personal journey in life, life jumps out at us. We have experiences, there are unforeseen events that happen along the way. Some good, some not quite so good. We adjust our plan. Sometimes we do this consciously, sometimes subconsciously – that’s not important. The important part is that we know that our plan will adjust – and that’s ok.

Plan To Be Surprised

As you struggle and procrastinate with your decision of which path to choose, know that your journey along the path is unlikely to look as you planned. For the most part, as you meander off the track, the changes will be for the better. Many of these changes you will foresee along the way. Many of these changes will be a surprise. That’s what makes life so exciting.

There is one criteria for all this to happen. You have to make a decision. You have to be on a path and have a plan for your journey. If you don’t have a plan, the plan can’t change. It doesn’t have to be detailed, it doesn’t have to be written down, it doesn’t have to be a lifetime dream, it doesn’t have to be large, but you need to have a plan. You need to have a path to travel along in order to have a journey.

Make your decision. Develop a plan. Start your journey.

The plan will change. So plan to be surprised – you have an exciting journey ahead.

Main photo by Tetsumo.

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