Betty Adams's Blog, page 35
February 28, 2022
Humans are Weird - Illicit Substances
Humans are Weird – Illicit Substances
“This is a very serious matter,” First Mother said, her frill drooping with exhaustion.
First Father clicked softly to her as he gently rubbed the salve into the soft tissue of her frill.
“I am just glad that it is a question of gross physical harm and not involuntary slaughter,” she went on. “If I had to deal with that I would just run right back to my Second Father and hide under his arbor.”
“I don’t think you are allowed to do that once you are a Mother yourself,” her mate pointed out gently.
“I’m bigger than you, you can’t stop me,” First Mother pointed out with a dispassionate click.
First Father clicked in amusement as he worked the salve into her.
“Why the humans insist on poisoning themselves into higher energy levels in the first place is beyond what I can weave,” First Mother went on. “However the insist that their access to the toxin not be infringed.”
“Strange,” First Father muttered as he put the lid back on the slave and set it to the side.
“It is regulated at the concentrations the human was using at the time the accident happened,” she said.
“Then how did it do so much damage to First Taxonomist?” First Father asked.
“Apparently the human had been experiencing sever diminishing returns with the over the counter concentrations,” First Mother said. “He is First Mechanic to his unit and has been working may hours past his sunset on the latest systems upgrade. Therefore he found a way to concentrate his toxin intake by brewing the dehydrated bean from directly in the sealed liquid form.”
She stretched her long arms, flexing her membranes as she did. The flashed red in the afternoon light and First Father found his mind wandering from what she was saying and pulled himself up abruptly.
“-are going to have trouble with the gathering,” she was saying.
“Is the central hive of the Gathering that unreasonable?” First Father asked.
First Mother clicked in annoyance as she settled down onto their couch.
“As far as I can gather,” she said. “The central hive of this Gathering doesn’t exist. You know they have no proper hives. They just deal with each other as they encounter each other. They only formed their pseudo-hives to deal with outsiders.”
“I think I remember the First Instructor saying something about that in Second Cousin’s civics lesson,” First Father admitted with a sheepish tilt to his antenna as he snuggled into his mate’s side. “I really don’t have much of a line on interplanetary politics.”
“Well imagine that Touches the Bedrock is both an orphan, and doesn’t care that he is,” she explained with an exasperated flare of her neck frill.
“So he has no one to argue for him now that his intelligence is threatened?” First Father demanded.
“That about ties it together,” First Mother said. “So we have a mammal so determined to complete a goal that he illegally concentrated a toxin to the point that it gave him cardiac arrhythmia, which caused him to spill said toxin on a micro-rhyzal based lifeform accidentally who is now experiencing severe mental incapacitation from the spill.”
“Did we know before hand that the toxin was dangerous to the Gathering?” First Father asked.
“Not exactly,” First Mother said. “This substance, caffeine, is produced in various cultivated plants specifically to kill fungal based lifeforms, but as far as I can research no Gathering has ever been exposed to it before.”
“The judgment will be difficult,” First Father murmured as they began to enter torpor together.
“At least the human was repentant,” First Mother said as she cuddled against him, “he promised to never brew coffee with energy drinks again.”
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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February 27, 2022
How To Write A Dragon - Tui Sutherland Wings of Fire With Emily of Snake Discovery
How To Write A Dragon - Tui Sutherland Wings of Fire With Emily of Snake Discovery
Youtube - https://youtu.be/7kNgxuGGjQs
Rumble - https://rumble.com/vw10x8-how-to-write-a-dragon-tui-sutherland-wings-of-fire-with-emily-of-snake-disc.html
Bit Chute - https://www.bitchute.com/video/4fVvVLDVmfdA/
#WingsofFire #Reptiles #SnakeDiscovery #snek #GlitchTechs
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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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February 21, 2022
Humans are Weird - Bump
Humans are Weird – Bump“Thank you for the reassurance,” Cuddlesround said in a hollow tone.
The Undulate reached out an appendage absently and patted the inspector’s elbow. The rest of his appendages were writhing in on themselves in a display of guilt and distress that one didn’t need to be an expert in xeno-kenesethetics to interpret. It turned out that ‘writhing’ was a pretty universal experience.
“Really,” Medical Inspector Gregory murmured gently, reaching out to stroke the Undulate, “it would have been difficult for a human doctor to diagnose the trouble when the patient was actively hiding it.”
“But that is the flow!” Cuddlesround burst out, remembering to put sounds of stress in his voices this time. “My species are hardly strangers to the idea of working through injuries! Even to the point of self harm. That is why the inspection of our fellows is so important to us!”
Cuddlesround cut off and just writhes in the bottom of the small depression full of room temperature water that formed his desk space and Gregory fought the urge to look away. Every psyche briefing he had stated that Undulates did not do, “giving them privacy”. Finally the chief researcher for the expedition gathered enough self control to continue speaking.
“I know I can’t be held responsible for failing to diagnose an alien injury,” Cuddlesround admitted, adding resignation to his voice. “Despite being a biologist I know very little about mammalian biology, save where you make such excellent hosts for symbiotes, so much free space in you, why I bet you could host multiple eukaryotic species at once! There is, in particular a worm-ah but I see I am distressing you. We must stay in the main stream of the conversation, of course.”
Gregory didn’t think his face had given away the cringing horror at the turn the conversation had taken. It must have been his pheromones he mused as Cuddlesround went on.
“My current is this,” Cuddlesround was saying. “Internal injuries are so odd, difficult to diagnose when your tissues are properly orders, impossible to diagnose when they are separated into discrete ‘organs’. I know I could never have hopped to tell that Human Friend Michael had sustained damage to…”
Cuddlesround drifted off and lifted up his longest appendage to Medical Inspector Gregory. Gregory caught his drift and glanced down at his notes.
“The connective tissue, called ligaments, anchoring certain muscle groups to his pelvis,” Medical Inspector Gregory supplied.
“To his ligaments,” Cuddlesround said, “from simply slipping in the mud. In fact, though I witnessed the fall that caused the damage, I did not recognize that such a fall, one he even maintained control over could damage his tissues.”
Cuddlesround contracted tightly and then visibly forced himself to flex out and relax in a decent approximation of a sigh for a species with no lungs.
“No,” Cuddlesround said in a glum tone, “I could not have diagnosed him, but he was in pain for months before the damage accumulated to the point he could no longer walk without visible pain.”
Cuddlesround stopped talking here and Medical Inspector Gregory realized after a long pause that the Undulate had finished his thought and was waiting for a reply.
“Then what do you feel so guilty about?” Medical Inspector Gregory asked. “Ranger Michael slipped on the mud, sprained his butt, and didn’t tell anyone. That is hardly your responsibility.”
“Oh but it is!” Cuddlesround insisted. “I failed to set the flow of our group down the proper currents! If I had Human Friend Michael would have let us know about his injury soon enough to treat it properly.”
Medical Inspector Gregory couldn’t help letting out a skeptical noise at that and apparently Cuddlesround had enough experience with humans to translate it.
“What do you find issue with in my statement Medical Inspector Gregory?” Cuddlesround asked.
“I sincerely doubt that you could have done anything that would make it more likely for a human to have reported an injury,” Gregory said. “From the sound of this,” he held up the report. “The pain was only sporadic at first. I doubt that Ranger Michael was deliberately hiding anything from you. More likely he just genuinely didn’t consider it an issue at first, and there is only so much you can do before you start violating human privacy boundaries.”
Cuddlesround gave a skeptical sound of his own and Gregory smiled ruefully down at the Undulate.
“Look,” Gregory said. “From our perspective this is a matter of Ranger Michael’s training. However if you would like I can offer you and the other undulates on base information on how to coax injury information out of humans in casual conversation without passing those boundaries.”
“Yes!” Cuddlesround exclaimed, lifting his leading end out of the water entirely. “Teach us that.”
“Well,” Gregory said with a nod, “I have a whole class on it but the main idea is tit-for-tat.”
“You mean I would have to offer up an injury of my own?” Cuddlesround asked.
“You get the basic idea,” Gregory said hastily, the image of the earnest Undulate deliberately spraining something in the interest of cross-species communication popping into his head, “but it is a story of an injury you need to offer up, and the more of you telling stories the more likely the human is to offer up a story of their own.”
“That’s a natural flow,” the Undulate observed.
“Yeah,” Gregory said with a laugh, “even before I specialized in the medical field it seemed like every conversation I had with my friends ended up turning to what traumatic injuries we had gotten. You just have to remember to direct the conversation to current injuries without making it obvious.”
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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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February 20, 2022
Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 56 Review & Analysis Full Spoilers
Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 56 Review & Analysis Full Spoilers- Your Body! Gib It To Me! Kaiju NO. 10
https://youtu.be/TVbgBTgrJBw
#ShonenJump #Manga #KN10 #HoshinaSoshiro #KN8
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
February 15, 2022
Humans are Weird - Not Anymore
Humans are Weird – Not AnymoreA frigid and bitter wind was ripping down the slate gray rocks of the mountain side as the second wing fought it way up to the observation outpost. The Wing Commander felt his comm buzz an alert and hesitated a moment. His own stamina was more than adequate to make it at least half a flight further, but he glanced back at his wing. The older members were gritting their teeth, their lips tight with strain. The younger members, including his small Wingsecond, were flapping twice as fast as was strictly necessary to stay aloft in the wind. Even if he wasn’t cold the younger ones with their lower masses would be. He got his Wingsecond’s attention with a few chirps. It worried him that it took more than one, Seventh Trill must be colder and less responsive than he thought, but once he had the Wingsecond’s attention it was a matter of seconds to direct the flight down into the lee of a boulder.
“How is everyone staying aloft?” he asked.
There was a chorus of grunts and snarls from the old heads and a general chittering about the cold from the younger members of the flight. The Wing Commander resisted the urge to chew his winghooks while he pondered their options.
“Sir?” a particularly gregarious young comms technician piped up. “Isn’t there a human base just over that ridge there?”
It was less than a rhetorical question. The entire flight knew that the humans kept their main alpine-aquatic research station in that valley and every ear perked up at the obviously popular suggestion. The image of the bulky but lightweight coats the humans wore, the ones with copious amounts of space between the insulating layers and the massive heat-well of the mammals’ trunk for a Winged to crawl into was a soaring idea. The Wing Commander heaved a sigh as he prepared to shoot it down.
“Yes,” he said, “in fact I read in their reports just this morning that they are going to spend the entire day out in the water doing surveys.”
Nearly half of the flight drooped in disappointment at that and the Wing Commander saw the murmurs radiate out as those who knew described the skin-tight insulation the humans wore, and how even the humans’ massive heat-well would run dry under the constant flow of the thermal conductive water. However he himself perked up as he recalled the rest of the report.
“We should head in that direction anyway,” he said. “Observing the Range of Radiation just sent in a report that the compost heap the humans prepared for him at the summer solstice is finally fully functional.”
The murmuring took on a slightly elevated tone. The moist heat of a compost pile was not exactly the same as sharing a fellow mammal’s warmth, but it was far better than huddling in the lee of a boulder trying to wring enough heat out of chemical heating packs. They took off again and drew into a tight formation to face the gusts as they went over the crest of the ridge. Only a few of the smallest were blown off course but they were back in formation as they dropped down into the valley and heard the distant roaring of the rapids that tingled their sensory horns. The Wing Commander knew that technically Observing the Range of Radiation began at the edge of the scrubby gray groundcover, but he was also aware that the massive Gathering either couldn’t, or didn’t choose to, speak to anyone until the small shrubs began. Either way what they needed was heat so the Wing Commander led them straight to a small hanging valley tucked up on a south facing slope. They flew in and came to a hover above a large mound, and waited.
“Greetings Sleeping Leaves,” a deep resounding voice set the detritus on top of the mound dancing.
“Greetings Observing the Range of Radiation,” the Wing Commander returned. “May we share your warmth on this windy day.”
“My own warmth is very deep today,” Observing the Range of Radiation stated. “Perhaps you would prefer the new pile the humans’ so thoughtfully built for me.”
The Wing Commander shot a look at the steaming pile of leaves and detritus and gave a quick nod to his wing. In a flicker they had darted over and burrowed into the mass. The Wing Commander and a large old diplomat lingered a few beats longer.
“Thank you,” the Wing Commander said.
“I am pleased to be of aid,” Observing the Range of Radiation said. “I am pleased to that you came at this angle.”
“He means the time of day,” the old diplomat translated at the Wing Commander’s blank look.
The Wing Commander chirped with interest.
“What is happening?” he asked politely, he guessed solar flares, it usually was solar flare patterns with Observing the Range of Radiation.
“The humans will be testing the new transportation equipment on the great scattering today,” the slow voice said.
Of course anything that involved the humans was more interesting than otherwise but the Wing Commander wasn’t quite sure what about it sent a chill along his sensory horns, that is until the muttering of the diplomat suddenly broke into a shocked squawk.
“The great scattering!” the diplomat yelped out. “That set of class seven rapids! Their order of the water craft-”
“By the mother tree!” the Wing Commander snarled. “Where? When-”
He cut himself off and flicked a winghook at the diplomat to silence him. The Wing Commander took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. Observing the Range of Radiation was humming in perplexity at them.
“Where are the humans?” the Wing Commander asked, forcing himself to speak slowly.
“You would understand the data they sent us far better than I would,” Observing the Range of Radiation stated, “but they told me to watch for them at this angle of sun from my new pile.”
“Thank you!” the Wing Commander said and darted over to the pile with the diplomat following him.
He burrowed into the warmth and called for the medic and the range finder.
“Are you okay sir?” the medic asked with concern.
“What’s the best view of the class seven rapids we can get from this pile?” the Wing Commander demanded of the range finder.
The range finder blinked in surprise and pointed a winghook.
“Anywhere in the top quarter of the south side of the pile offers a wonderful view of them,” he said. “That’s where most of the wing is positioned. It’s also the warmest side at the moment.”
The Wing Commander darted out of the warm pile and flew around to position himself. He scanned the river that ran down the valley upstream of the rapids. The diplomat was spreading the explanation to the rest of the wing. It was only moments later when someone whistled out that they had spotted the humans.
Each of the humans was encased from neck to waist in the skintight thermal insulation, but this looked different, thicker than usual. Their heads were encased in full helmets that looked more appropriate to deep space than a fully habitable planet. Their lower halves were folded into the watercraft they called kayaks and the gripped the water-wings they called paddles in their hands.
“Hold,” the Wing Commander ordered to the several flight members he could hear preparing to take off. “We couldn’t get down there fast enough to do anything if this goes wrong. It will be best to get warm and be ready to report anything to the main human base.”
There was a muttering of horror as the humans raced faster and faster towards the rapids and then they were among the rocks. The kayaks and the humans in them were tossed into the air, thrown against boulders with force that made every winged wince, and repeatedly submerged under water. The class seven rapids were long, but the humans eventually came out the other end landed their craft on the bank. A sigh of relief ran through the wing as the watched the humans get out of the craft and stretch on the bank they began to discuss what had possessed the normally staid researchers to take such a risk. This was interrupted by a chime from the communications unit the young comm officer was carrying.
“Isn’t that their signal?” the old diplomat demanded, gesturing at the humans far below on the bank of the river.
“It is,” the comm officer said with a confused wrinkling of his nose. “They must have a portable datanode with them. They updated the geo-database. Those,” he indicated the rapids are now class six rapids?”
“Do they give an explanation?” The Wing Commander asked.
“They only added, due to technological advancements,” the comm officer said, staring down at the bright yellow figures below them.
The wing watched the humans climb back into their kayaks and take off further down the river.
A massive sigh ran through them as they hunkered back down into the warmth of the pile.
“The humans are always worth watching are they not.” the soft voice of the Gathering asked.
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
February 8, 2022
Humans are Weird - Screams
Humans are Weird – Screams“Yes,” Third Flap said, slicking back the fur between his sensory horns, “we are quite pleased with how well the humans have integrated into our base.”
“There has been no issues with the necessary exclusion?” Prince Trill asked.
The two of them were flapping around the main pillars of the base, enjoying the afternoon thermals and Third Flap had decided to give the visiting monarch an impromptu tour of the colony’s facilities. The scraggly things that mimicked trees were nothing to inspire the same awe as the deep forests back home, but the sturdy buildings carved into the arid landscape had its own sort of beauty.
“Not the slightest,” Third Flap said with a contented smile. “First of all the humans understand on a very visceral level that they are far too large to fit into the old, pre-contact infrastructure second we have been making every effort to involve them virtually. There is a virtual tour available for their three-dimensional imaging system that not only allows them to explore every section of the base one of us can reach, but integrates the live security feeds where that is practicable.”
Third Flap paused in his description and gave a chuckle.
“It has even come in practical on some very unexpected levels,” he said. “A class five vial of hazardous material was misplaced and the humans used the virtual system to help us find it.”
“Ah yes,” Prince Trill said with a slow nod, “I read that report. The system they developed using the cleaning drones was quite innovative. I meant to ask you for a personal telling of the story.”
“I would be more than pleased to!” Third Flap agreed. “The humor alone makes it worth the telling.”
“A colony threatening virus was almost lost,” Prince Trill observed in a dry tone, “and you mention the humor first?”
“Almost!” Third Flap announced with a cheerful chitter of his teeth. “Wonderful word that. Well, as the humans say-”
From the massive window they were passing came an agonized groan that vibrated them to their horntips and Third Flap, paused waiting for the sound to cease before finishing.
“-no one bled, no one died, time to move on!”
He was several flaps past the window before he realized that Prince Trill had darted to the frame and was scratching at the control panel. Third Flap circled around and landed beside the visiting prince. He wondered how loudly it was permissible to clear your throat at royalty not currently in the canopy.
“Prince Trill,” Third Flap inquired. “Why are you using your override codes to open a random office window?”
“Are you deaf?” Prince Trill demanded, shooting him a frantic look.
“I am not,” Third Flap said slowly, trying to project calm without seeming condesending.
“Didn’t you hear that scream?” Prince Trill demanded as the window slowly began to glide open.
Third Flap wrinkled his nose in confusion.
“I heard a groan,” he said.
The prince gaped at him a moment in confusion before shaking his head and gesturing into the office building.
“We need to find out who made that!” he insisted.
“Why?” Third Flap asked.
The prince only glared at him and took off into the room before the window seemed half wide enough. Third Flap sighed and hopped the humans in side had a decent sense of humor. He hopped up and followed the monarch. The artificially cool air of the office stung his sensory horns a bit as he paused to trigger the closing setting on the window. Humans, especially ones struggling with data processing at the end of a long day did not like their micro environments messed with.
Third Flap found a very confused Prince Trill perched on the frame of the overhead lights. The royal was glancing around, presumably looking for the source of what he termed the scream. Third Flap landed beside him and lifted a wing to point at a younger, female human working furiously away at one of the mapping stations. Prince Trill glanced at him in perplexity but followed the gesture with his eyes.
“That is the human who made the sound,” Third Flap explained. “She is one of our best botanists. Sadly she ships out at the end of the season. She is finalizing her mapping efforts now.”
“How do you know that it was her?” Prince Trill asked, “and shouldn’t we offer aid?”
“I am fairly certain,” Third Flap said, “because that was a mapping software groan and she is the only one using mapping software.”
“Excuse me?” Prince Trill asked, gaping at him now.
Third Flap sighed and shrugged.
“I have been managing the base for these humans for nearly ten local years,” he said. “Over that time you learn the basic categories of human sounds of suffering. The sound you heard was some error, either on the human’s part or the machine’s, that resulted in the loss of a significant quantity of work mapping data.”
“You can tell that,” Prince Trill demanded, “just from the sound?”
Third Flap shrugged again.
“You could confirm if you like,” he said gesturing at the human, “but as there is every likely-hood she will be ashamed of a personal error-”
“No, no,” Prince Trill assured him. “I can she that she is the most agitated of the humans present, just-”
He glanced at Third Flap with something of awe and something of pitying horror in his expression.
“That is an impressive skill you have there.”
“Humans tied to data processing machines are somewhat predictable,” he replied with a shrug.
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
February 4, 2022
The Brokenhearted Tin Solider - Was SAR Only Following his Programming Or Did He Act On His Own
The Brokenhearted Tin Soldier Was SAR Only Following his Programming Or Did He Act On His Own
https://youtu.be/YeLh1Sj0CqA
#LostinSpace2018 #ScienceFiction #DangerWillRobinson #SecondAlienRobot #SciFi
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
February 3, 2022
Kaiju No.8 Chapter 55 - Review & Analysis No Spoilers - A Plot Twist and a Half & a Theory Dies
Kaiju No.8 Chapter 55 - Review & Analysis No Spoilers - A Plot Twist and a Half & a Theory Dies
https://youtu.be/fHWzr9PeIhs
#ShonenJump #KN8 #Manga #KafkaHibino #KN9
Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book!
Amazon!
Barnes & Noble
Walmart
Powell's Books
Google Play Books
Kobo By Rakuten
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
January 31, 2022
Humans are Weird - A Little Slice
Humans are Weird –
A Little Slice
The clear, mineral poor waters of the mountain stream flowed briskly over Shuffelsalong as he worked his way upstream back to base. The local sun had not yet begun to set and the small invertebrates that claimed the surfaced he was moving over shone and glittered as they scurried out of his way. The rocks comprising the bed of the stream were rounded and smooth and often shifted under the double drawing force of his own mass and the pressing of the current calling for all of his now flagging strength. Then too the water was cold at this elevation and it seemed to be sapping his strength faster than he had calculated.
“Should we call for a pickup?” his companion asked.
Shuffelsalong flicked a trailing appendage in consideration but finally decided in the negative.
“We are almost to the eddies,” he explained, pointing to the sandy area of the stream bed in front of him. “That should give us enough drift to make it back before we get too cold.”
His companion signaled his agreement and they kept on. As Shuffelsalong had expected they were soon swept up into the eddies along the bank. Not only were they no longer fighting the current, the waters warmed as they recirculated in the sunlight and they were soon swimming comfortably along. Soon enough the waters began to resound with the thumping of the humans’ footsteps and then the general chaotic sounds of the camp.
Shuffelsalong spotted the main slide down to the water and happily swarmed up the chute to the level ground of the campsite. The sounds were immediately muffled in the air but the humans’ chattering was now clear and understandable as their shadows passed over the fronds that formed the Undulates travel tunnels.
“Has anyone seen our entomologists?” the deep resonating voice of their crew leader called out.
“Not as such,” a slightly higher pitched voice called out, “but given how the ferns and shuffling out there I’d say they are close but cold!”
Shuffelsalong felt a warm glow at the observation. Their human crewmates were as thoughtful and observant a pod as one could wish. Any time a human commented that you looked “cold” was usually followed by multiple offers to pick you up and share their excess mammalian warmth with you. From the way his companion picked up speed the thought of a good “grab and cuddle” was foremost in his gripping appendages too after their long cold swim. The light grew in intensity as they made their way into the thinner fronds of the camp and then they burst out into the cleared area the humans massive feet had stomped down.
“Got ‘em!” came a cheerful shout and sure enough two rough hands swept out of no where and scooped Shuffelsalong off of the ground.
“Got any samples to drop Shuff?” Human Friend Cookie asked.
“The usual cluster,” Shuffelsalong replied. “Just drop me in the thermal gradient tank. I will sort them after dinner.”
“Sure thing Shuff,” Human Friend Cookie agreed.
With only a few of those long, never-ending tumbles the humans called steps they were at the water tank that was divided into distinct thermal areas. One side, by far the smaller, was kept at the same ambient temperature as the local stream, the other was kept at a nice comfortable temperature as a sleeping quarters for the Undulates on the crew. Shuffelsalong shifted, preparatory to dropping his samples into the storage area but had some difficulty as Human Friend Cookie was angling his hands oddly, preventing Shuffelsalong’s usual grip. Shuffelsalong was about to politely request Human Friend Cookie to extend his asymmetrical finger, the one that served humans as a primary gripping appendages with all its useful roughness when something else odd finally penetrated his cold addled senses.
Human Friend Cookie’s lights were spiked with bright pain signals. They were small, but localized to the retracted digit. Shuffelsalong felt a bit closer to the place with a touch of worry and detected the chemical traces of internal fluids, stress hormones, and the artificial taste of bandages. Clearly whatever was wrong Human Friend Cookie had already had it tended to. Shuffelsalong made a note to ask about the injury later and then dropped his samples into the storage area and slipped himself into the warm waters of his tank. Once he was sufficiently warmed he swam up and eagerly clambered out with the others towards the prepared meals.
“What is in our trough tonight?” He asked eagerly of an Undulate who had clearly just left the meal.
“Spinach slurry!” the other replied with delighted tones.
“But we had spinach slurry yesterday,” Shuffelsalong protested, “and that gave off a completely different chemical profile.”
“It is all in the preparation,” the other said. “You can ask Human Friend Cookie about it. There was heat I think. Just taste it for yourself.”
Shuffelsalong took this good advice and shuffled up to the trough. There was a lot of heat in this meal. The trough was sending up little wisps of steam into the air as Human Friend Cookie dispensed more of the brilliant green slurry into the trough. The steam was laden with aromatic chemicals that set Shuffelsalong’s absorbent fibers tingling with anticipation.
However now that Shuffelsalong was warm and alert he could clearly see that Human Friend Cookie’s main gripping appendage was swathed in layers of bandages and Shuffelsalong felt a tremor of slight unease even as he complimented the spinach slurry, which was utterly dissimilar from the subtle and cool meal of yesterday. The bandages on Human Friend Cookie’s hand were unevenly, even asymmetrically applied. This would not have bothered Shuffelsalong in the slightest, had he not had to trudge through a long lecture Second Sister had given on how important symmetrical bandage application was to species with circulatory systems, and the more advanced the circulatory system the greater the need of symmetrical application. As soon as the meal was over Shuffelsalong waved down Human Friend Cookie and climbed up his leg.
“Was the meal that good or that bad?” Human Friend Cookie asked with a laugh.
“You are injured,” Shuffelsalong said.
He noted with quiet amusement first the look of confusion on Human Friend Cookie’s face, with spread into thoughtful consideration, and then understanding. Despite the clear pain signals his injured appendage was sending out clearly the massive central processing cluster had chosen to ignore the damage signals.
“Yeah, I sliced my thumb preparing the meal,” Human Friend Cookie admitted. “I don’t think I got any blood on the spinach though.”
“While that would be a potential concern,” Shuffelsalong stated, “I was drifting more towards the idea that you have not reported this idea to Second Sister yet.”
Human Friend Cookie burst into a loud laugh at that.
“Now what makes you think I didn’t run right to our medic with this?” the human demanded waving the crude bandage in front of Shuffelsalong.
Why humans always moved what they wanted you to consider Shuffelsalong would never understand.
“No Shatar medic would have ever applied a bandage that haphazardly,” Shuffelsalong stated, earning another burst of laughter from Human Friend Cookie.
“Fair enough,” Human Friend Cookie agreed. “I sliced more than halfway though the end of my thumb, wasn’t paying attention I guess, took a chunk of the nail off, but it was still pretty well attached, and that part of us humans does grow back even if it won’t reattach, so I just wrapped it up good and kept on.”
“I didn’t know any human appendages would just regenerate,” Shuffelsalong said with surprise.
“It’s just skin and a little gristle,” Human Friend Cookie said with a shrug as Shuffelsalong examined the bandaged area with curiosity. “Not worth bothering Second Sister.”
“Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, trying to sound more firm than curious. “I must insist you report this injury according to protocol.”
“Do you report every time something takes a nick out of your appendages?” Human Friend Cookie demanded.
“Would you like to see my daily reports?” Shuffelsalong asked, raising his lagging appendages up in a challenging gesture in the general direction of Human Friend Cookie’s face.
The human hesitated and then heaved a sigh. He turned and began walking towards the medical tent.
“Waste of time if you ask me,” he grumbled.
“It is protocol,” Shuffelsalong stated.
“It’s annoying,” the human countered as he ducked his massive frame to enter the tent. “Hey Sis, gotta thing on my thumb for you to record.”
The medic stood up from her couch to greet them and clicked her mandibles in a comforting sound as they approached.
“I presume it is the one you bandaged yourself?” she asked, her antenna curling in the direction of the bandages.
“That’s the one,” he agreed.
“Please put it under the scanner,” she said after examining the bandages.
Shuffelsalong noted her antenna flick with annoyance at the tangle of mixed natural and synthetic fibers but she maintained her professionalism.
“How long ago did the burn occur?” she asked.
“Isn’t a burn,” Human Friend Cookie corrected her.
“Then what-” her voice cut off as the scanner projected a hologram of the human’s appendage.
Shuffelsalong stared in interest. Just as Human Friend Cookie had said the end of his appendage had been sliced nearly through and was now only held onto the rest by a thin connection of living tissue and the compression of the bandage. Shuffelsalong was calculating how long it would take him to regenerate that mass when the suddenly silent Second Sister leapt to her feet, and darted to the door of the tent. She slapped the control surface that sealed the tent and activated the emergency beacon.
“Hold up!” Human Friend Cookie called out. “No need to call in the chopper for a little nick-”
The Shatar medic rotated her triangular head to stare at him, her frill flushed green with a mix of horror and anger and her antenna curling and uncurling alertly.
“You-” her standard words broke off into the clicks of her mother language and she simply snatched up one of the medical marking bands and advanced on Human Friend Cookie.
“Hey!” Human Friend Cookie yelped, backing away from the medic. “Not a bed-rest tag! It’s just a finger! I wouldn’t need a bed-rest tag even if I’d cut it off clean! Shuff! Back me up here.”
“I am quit sorry Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, gently patting his friend’s shoulder. “I make it a policy to never quarrel with a medic who outweighs me.”
Second Sister sprang, wrapped all four of her feet around one of Human Friend Cookie’s thighs for leverage, which quite effectively unbalanced the giant mammal and used his moment of confusion to secure the medical band around his wrist.
“You will wait here until the medical evacuation arrives,” she snapped out in standard. “You have nearly severed and entire finger’s end off! It is a miracle you didn’t bleed to death!”
“But-” Human Friend Cookie tried to protest, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“No!” Second Sister snapped. “You are not an Undulate or a Gathering! You will rest here until I can hand you over to the human medics! The tent is sealed, I keep all of my cutting implements secured to my bio code, and even your impressive strength cannot burst out of the fabric. We will wait here.”
With that she stalked over to her couch and began examining the scanner readout intently. The human and the Undulate observed her in bemused silence.
“I did not realize Second Sister had so much experience with how to effectively manage humans,” Shuffelsalong observed.
Human Friend Cookie only snorted and dropped down onto the chair.
Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book!
Amazon!
Barnes & Noble
Walmart
Powell's Books
Google Play Books
Kobo By Rakuten
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
A Little Slice
The clear, mineral poor waters of the mountain stream flowed briskly over Shuffelsalong as he worked his way upstream back to base. The local sun had not yet begun to set and the small invertebrates that claimed the surfaced he was moving over shone and glittered as they scurried out of his way. The rocks comprising the bed of the stream were rounded and smooth and often shifted under the double drawing force of his own mass and the pressing of the current calling for all of his now flagging strength. Then too the water was cold at this elevation and it seemed to be sapping his strength faster than he had calculated.
“Should we call for a pickup?” his companion asked.
Shuffelsalong flicked a trailing appendage in consideration but finally decided in the negative.
“We are almost to the eddies,” he explained, pointing to the sandy area of the stream bed in front of him. “That should give us enough drift to make it back before we get too cold.”
His companion signaled his agreement and they kept on. As Shuffelsalong had expected they were soon swept up into the eddies along the bank. Not only were they no longer fighting the current, the waters warmed as they recirculated in the sunlight and they were soon swimming comfortably along. Soon enough the waters began to resound with the thumping of the humans’ footsteps and then the general chaotic sounds of the camp.
Shuffelsalong spotted the main slide down to the water and happily swarmed up the chute to the level ground of the campsite. The sounds were immediately muffled in the air but the humans’ chattering was now clear and understandable as their shadows passed over the fronds that formed the Undulates travel tunnels.
“Has anyone seen our entomologists?” the deep resonating voice of their crew leader called out.
“Not as such,” a slightly higher pitched voice called out, “but given how the ferns and shuffling out there I’d say they are close but cold!”
Shuffelsalong felt a warm glow at the observation. Their human crewmates were as thoughtful and observant a pod as one could wish. Any time a human commented that you looked “cold” was usually followed by multiple offers to pick you up and share their excess mammalian warmth with you. From the way his companion picked up speed the thought of a good “grab and cuddle” was foremost in his gripping appendages too after their long cold swim. The light grew in intensity as they made their way into the thinner fronds of the camp and then they burst out into the cleared area the humans massive feet had stomped down.
“Got ‘em!” came a cheerful shout and sure enough two rough hands swept out of no where and scooped Shuffelsalong off of the ground.
“Got any samples to drop Shuff?” Human Friend Cookie asked.
“The usual cluster,” Shuffelsalong replied. “Just drop me in the thermal gradient tank. I will sort them after dinner.”
“Sure thing Shuff,” Human Friend Cookie agreed.
With only a few of those long, never-ending tumbles the humans called steps they were at the water tank that was divided into distinct thermal areas. One side, by far the smaller, was kept at the same ambient temperature as the local stream, the other was kept at a nice comfortable temperature as a sleeping quarters for the Undulates on the crew. Shuffelsalong shifted, preparatory to dropping his samples into the storage area but had some difficulty as Human Friend Cookie was angling his hands oddly, preventing Shuffelsalong’s usual grip. Shuffelsalong was about to politely request Human Friend Cookie to extend his asymmetrical finger, the one that served humans as a primary gripping appendages with all its useful roughness when something else odd finally penetrated his cold addled senses.
Human Friend Cookie’s lights were spiked with bright pain signals. They were small, but localized to the retracted digit. Shuffelsalong felt a bit closer to the place with a touch of worry and detected the chemical traces of internal fluids, stress hormones, and the artificial taste of bandages. Clearly whatever was wrong Human Friend Cookie had already had it tended to. Shuffelsalong made a note to ask about the injury later and then dropped his samples into the storage area and slipped himself into the warm waters of his tank. Once he was sufficiently warmed he swam up and eagerly clambered out with the others towards the prepared meals.
“What is in our trough tonight?” He asked eagerly of an Undulate who had clearly just left the meal.
“Spinach slurry!” the other replied with delighted tones.
“But we had spinach slurry yesterday,” Shuffelsalong protested, “and that gave off a completely different chemical profile.”
“It is all in the preparation,” the other said. “You can ask Human Friend Cookie about it. There was heat I think. Just taste it for yourself.”
Shuffelsalong took this good advice and shuffled up to the trough. There was a lot of heat in this meal. The trough was sending up little wisps of steam into the air as Human Friend Cookie dispensed more of the brilliant green slurry into the trough. The steam was laden with aromatic chemicals that set Shuffelsalong’s absorbent fibers tingling with anticipation.
However now that Shuffelsalong was warm and alert he could clearly see that Human Friend Cookie’s main gripping appendage was swathed in layers of bandages and Shuffelsalong felt a tremor of slight unease even as he complimented the spinach slurry, which was utterly dissimilar from the subtle and cool meal of yesterday. The bandages on Human Friend Cookie’s hand were unevenly, even asymmetrically applied. This would not have bothered Shuffelsalong in the slightest, had he not had to trudge through a long lecture Second Sister had given on how important symmetrical bandage application was to species with circulatory systems, and the more advanced the circulatory system the greater the need of symmetrical application. As soon as the meal was over Shuffelsalong waved down Human Friend Cookie and climbed up his leg.
“Was the meal that good or that bad?” Human Friend Cookie asked with a laugh.
“You are injured,” Shuffelsalong said.
He noted with quiet amusement first the look of confusion on Human Friend Cookie’s face, with spread into thoughtful consideration, and then understanding. Despite the clear pain signals his injured appendage was sending out clearly the massive central processing cluster had chosen to ignore the damage signals.
“Yeah, I sliced my thumb preparing the meal,” Human Friend Cookie admitted. “I don’t think I got any blood on the spinach though.”
“While that would be a potential concern,” Shuffelsalong stated, “I was drifting more towards the idea that you have not reported this idea to Second Sister yet.”
Human Friend Cookie burst into a loud laugh at that.
“Now what makes you think I didn’t run right to our medic with this?” the human demanded waving the crude bandage in front of Shuffelsalong.
Why humans always moved what they wanted you to consider Shuffelsalong would never understand.
“No Shatar medic would have ever applied a bandage that haphazardly,” Shuffelsalong stated, earning another burst of laughter from Human Friend Cookie.
“Fair enough,” Human Friend Cookie agreed. “I sliced more than halfway though the end of my thumb, wasn’t paying attention I guess, took a chunk of the nail off, but it was still pretty well attached, and that part of us humans does grow back even if it won’t reattach, so I just wrapped it up good and kept on.”
“I didn’t know any human appendages would just regenerate,” Shuffelsalong said with surprise.
“It’s just skin and a little gristle,” Human Friend Cookie said with a shrug as Shuffelsalong examined the bandaged area with curiosity. “Not worth bothering Second Sister.”
“Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, trying to sound more firm than curious. “I must insist you report this injury according to protocol.”
“Do you report every time something takes a nick out of your appendages?” Human Friend Cookie demanded.
“Would you like to see my daily reports?” Shuffelsalong asked, raising his lagging appendages up in a challenging gesture in the general direction of Human Friend Cookie’s face.
The human hesitated and then heaved a sigh. He turned and began walking towards the medical tent.
“Waste of time if you ask me,” he grumbled.
“It is protocol,” Shuffelsalong stated.
“It’s annoying,” the human countered as he ducked his massive frame to enter the tent. “Hey Sis, gotta thing on my thumb for you to record.”
The medic stood up from her couch to greet them and clicked her mandibles in a comforting sound as they approached.
“I presume it is the one you bandaged yourself?” she asked, her antenna curling in the direction of the bandages.
“That’s the one,” he agreed.
“Please put it under the scanner,” she said after examining the bandages.
Shuffelsalong noted her antenna flick with annoyance at the tangle of mixed natural and synthetic fibers but she maintained her professionalism.
“How long ago did the burn occur?” she asked.
“Isn’t a burn,” Human Friend Cookie corrected her.
“Then what-” her voice cut off as the scanner projected a hologram of the human’s appendage.
Shuffelsalong stared in interest. Just as Human Friend Cookie had said the end of his appendage had been sliced nearly through and was now only held onto the rest by a thin connection of living tissue and the compression of the bandage. Shuffelsalong was calculating how long it would take him to regenerate that mass when the suddenly silent Second Sister leapt to her feet, and darted to the door of the tent. She slapped the control surface that sealed the tent and activated the emergency beacon.
“Hold up!” Human Friend Cookie called out. “No need to call in the chopper for a little nick-”
The Shatar medic rotated her triangular head to stare at him, her frill flushed green with a mix of horror and anger and her antenna curling and uncurling alertly.
“You-” her standard words broke off into the clicks of her mother language and she simply snatched up one of the medical marking bands and advanced on Human Friend Cookie.
“Hey!” Human Friend Cookie yelped, backing away from the medic. “Not a bed-rest tag! It’s just a finger! I wouldn’t need a bed-rest tag even if I’d cut it off clean! Shuff! Back me up here.”
“I am quit sorry Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, gently patting his friend’s shoulder. “I make it a policy to never quarrel with a medic who outweighs me.”
Second Sister sprang, wrapped all four of her feet around one of Human Friend Cookie’s thighs for leverage, which quite effectively unbalanced the giant mammal and used his moment of confusion to secure the medical band around his wrist.
“You will wait here until the medical evacuation arrives,” she snapped out in standard. “You have nearly severed and entire finger’s end off! It is a miracle you didn’t bleed to death!”
“But-” Human Friend Cookie tried to protest, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“No!” Second Sister snapped. “You are not an Undulate or a Gathering! You will rest here until I can hand you over to the human medics! The tent is sealed, I keep all of my cutting implements secured to my bio code, and even your impressive strength cannot burst out of the fabric. We will wait here.”
With that she stalked over to her couch and began examining the scanner readout intently. The human and the Undulate observed her in bemused silence.
“I did not realize Second Sister had so much experience with how to effectively manage humans,” Shuffelsalong observed.
Human Friend Cookie only snorted and dropped down onto the chair.
Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book!
Amazon!
Barnes & Noble
Walmart
Powell's Books
Google Play Books
Kobo By Rakuten
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
January 25, 2022
Humans are Weird - Creatures of the Deep
Humans are Weird – Creatures of the Deep
“Are you absolutely certain this is the best current to follow?” Touchesgently asked as the two Undulates huddled together in the ventilation shaft of the main boat shed.
Beneath them the rough lapping of the waves against the sand, the clicking of the boats against the docks, and the creaking of the lines was interspersed with soft woofings of mammalian inquisitiveness and the scratching of spines on packing materials.
“No,” her companion replied with listless ambivalence in his touch. “No, not in the least.”
“Then why are we doing this?” Touchesgently demanded.
“Because no one else in the entire farm complex has any better idea,” Prodsfirmly replied, “and something must be done for him.”
“This is true,” Touchesgently agreed as the person in question came into the covered area headed for the crates by the edge of the water. “We owe him so much-”
Her statement faded out as Human Friend Darryl entered the room below them, his eyes on the datapad in his hand and his feet rattling across the drainage grates of the flooring. He was wearing the Ranger uniform that was, so far as Tochesgently understood the uses and patterns of clothing, only used by humans on Undulate worlds of higher than average temperature. Only the broad soles of his feet were fully shielded, these shields were held on with crossing straps that barely reached his ankles. Formed cloth covered the great joints where his lower appendages met his trunk and this was topped with a wide circular radiation shield. Tochesgently thought that there was supposed to be a cloth sheath covering the cage of muscle and bone the humans called a torso, but she had never seen Human Friend Darryl wear one.
“It is like a war of tides,” Prodsfirmly stated, grief and no little horror in his touch.
Touchesgently had to agree. The uniform, and how Human Friend Darryl wore it, gave them an unusually thorough view of his colors. When he had first come to the algae farms he had positively glowed with joy and eagerness. Just his presence was enough to boost the moods of everyone around and fill them with delight. The younger podlings had covered beach after beach in their attempt to capture the play of his colors when he was hauling the boats against the fantastic friction of the sand, or lightly tossing the heaviest predator traps into position.
Even the time he had nearly died from attempting to eat the captured predators that had “looked kinda like jumbo shrimp” had been...if not a joyous occasion at least an entertaining one. His skin had flushed terrifying colors for days afterwards as it had struggled to expel the toxins; terrifying, but beautiful.
Then had come the long haul Shatar freighter with their supplies and messages. Their first oddity had been when the ship and pulled into a low geosynchronous orbit instead of just higher, energy saving one. Only Human Friend Darryl had taken that as a warning, stiffening and ever so slightly showing his teeth as his lights were suddenly shot through with dangerous warnings. The skiff had separated, personally delivering their ordered supplies and one particular message. Third Grandmother, nearly as tall as Human Friend Darryl even in her old age had escorted out her mate, tiny even by Shatar male standards, but with gently curling antenna and a wealth of wisdom in his old eyes.
All this time Human Friend Darryl had been growing more quiet, and had been giving off more and more danger pheromones. Tochesgently had quietly ordered the podlings back to their pools, uncertain what the threat could possibly be, but not willing to ignore the instincts of the galaxy’s most advanced super-predator.
Third Grandfather and walked up to Human Friend Darryl and without a word had taken one of the human’s hands in his. Third Grandmother had, with a Shatar attempt at subtlety indicated that she wanted to discuss business with the Undulates and had led them some distance off. Either it was supposed to be a polite but meaningless gesture, or Third Grandmother, with her stubby antenna and lined frill, had no idea what the Undulates effective hearing range was, because they had all heard Third Grandfather gently inform Human Friend Darryl that his Second Brother had died.
Human Friend Darryl’s lights had drained from his body as if he had died standing on the beach in that moment. The sands still savored of the intense stress hormones where he had stood, but his face had gone stiff and as soon as Third Grandfather had finished giving the message Human Friend Darryl and abruptly turned and walked across the sand. The podlings who had witnessed this still whimpered about it. Human Friend Darryl had walked like a machine, like a malfunctioning AI he had spent half the night stacking and sorting the next season predator traps. A task that was so far down on their priority list that they wouldn’t have begun for weeks.
The next several weeks had been strange. There was no chance of sending Human Friend Darryl back to his home pool to mourn with his family. The Shatar ship was headed in the other direction. The farm’s own ships were barely rated to take a human to the nearest system. So Touchesgently had determined to help the human mourn as best they could. She had assumed that their many similarities would make this fairly easy.
Humans shared grief through touch and loved podlings, but Human Friend Darryl gently repulsed the mature Undulates and flat out refused to go near the podlings.
“They don’t need to deal with this,” he stated gesturing at his exposed skin.
Touchesgently reluctantly had to agree. The dead look was gone most of the time, however what had replaced it was, as Prodsfirmly had just observed, like a war of the tides. Colors that could only be grief would creep out from his core, only to be pushed by swathes of rage, which would in turn be washed out by sickly guilt, and then all of it spiked through with irritation. It was as if some stringy emotional algae had gotten into Human Friend Darryl’s system and had created putrefying eddies where emotions should flow freely.
Humans were supposed to cry in their grief. The physiology books were very clear about that. The intense fight or flight hormones that kept humans alive on a world where the three most cultivated fauna were two apex predators and an herbivore that could and did kill both of them were not meant to linger in the human brain. Cleansing these out was the purpose of shedding that much water, but Human Friend Darryl had not shed a single tear.
This situation could not go on. Touchesgently had researched what could be done and the suggested remedy seemed not only dangerous, but quite frankly mad. However it did make sense in a barbaric sort of way...a very human sort of way. So she had put in an order to one of the farms farther north that was experimenting with a more bioactive approach to clearing the algae predators out of the pools. Now here they were, hiding like mischievous podlings as Human Friend Darryl approached the crate the drone had brought them.
The human stopped two meters from the crate and tilted his head to get a better angle on the sounds emitting from the crate.
“The frack?” he muttered.
Human Friend Darryl examined the warnings on the exterior of the crate and moved in obvious perplexity to erect the safety fence around the crate before opening the message attached to the top.
“My name is Cuddles?” Human Friend Darrly read aloud. “I am a poor, helpless, little orphan who will have to be put down unless you can adopt me and raise me to be a good genetic backup for the domestication process.”
Touchesgently was quite proud of the message. She had spent three days pooring over human psychology texts to make it as appealing as possible. Even now the sickly war of emotions written across Human Friend Darryl’s skin was being replaced by the faint promise of healthy perplexity. He crouched over the crate and opened it. At first nothing happened, then something round and furry, with four forward facing eyes crept out, and out, and out, and out of the crate. The eyes were deep black and luminous with flecks of silver. The fur was a soft golden brown. The skin was loose and wrinkly. The body was impossibly long.
“A baby seal-snake?” Human Friend Darryl demanded in shock. “What are you doing hear little guy?”
He glanced at the message again, as if hoping it would tell him something new. Then the seal-snake, a very social being, having not a single predator avoidance gene in its body, gave a painful distress cry and humped forward to butt its head against Human Friend Darryl’s leg. It’s four large eyes sought out the human’s two and when it had eye contact it gently rubbed its head against his leg.
Human Friend Darryl stared down at the creature as if it had stunned him, and almost mechanically, reached down to stroke the round head. Somewhere between its origin and completion the motion failed however and pure, clean grief burst over Human Friend Darryl’s skin. His massive lungs gasped for air and he collapsed into a crouch over the baby seal-snake. The creature was startled at first, but immediately began nuzzling the human. Human Friend Darryl wrapped his arms around the impossibly long body and held it to himself tenderly as his body was wracked with sobs.
“Is this the reaction we were hoping for?” Prodsfirmly asked.
“Close enough for government work as the humans say,” Touchesgently said as they began to sneak away.
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 155 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.
Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
