M.J. Mandoki's Blog, page 14
May 24, 2015
Reflecting on the Year So Far
One third of the year has gone by. Time does not seem to slow down. In fact, it speeds up with age. Because of this awesome speed the year seems to be whizzing by, I decided to take a moment to reflect on this year. What happened so far?
I had a feeling that this year was going to be a great one. I have to say that my expectation has brought great things into my life. Firstly, I finished my second book. It is coming out in a matter of weeks. This made me incredibly happy! Secondly, I sold more of my first book than I originally thought I would. People are interested in buying it in greater and greater number. Thirdly, I started writing my next book. I love getting into a new story. Nothing makes me happier! Finally, family friends from Europe have recently visited and they took a copy of my first book back with them. Now, I am getting e-mails from Europe asking about my book. All in all, the year has been great to me so far!
I anticipated this year to be a great one and it has become great. I also anticipate the rest of the year to be great and I am certain that it will be. I guess it pays to be positive. How was your year so far?
M. J. Mandoki


May 19, 2015
The Power of Sudden Change
I was born responsible, at least, that’s what my mother always says. Being a very responsible person, all changes in my life happen according to a plan. Basically, if I want a change, I plan to make it happen. This is the reason that it shocked me when my husband suddenly quit his job.
He did not have a good job to begin with. He lost his good job a few years ago due to budget cuts. However, his less than ideal job still brought home some money. I was waiting for him to make a careful created plan to change this situation. Instead, he showed up at my workplace in my break time and announced that he sent a text message to his boss that he was done. Yes, just like that! Apparently, they had a fight over the phone and he decided that he had had enough. First, I thought he was joking. It took me a minute or two to realize that he wasn’t. I almost had a coronary thinking, “Now what?”.
Being a super responsible person made me panic. I spent the next few days entertaining worse-case scenarios. The worse-case scenarios included not being able to pay the bills, my husband not being able to find another work or being stuck in a bad situation for years. I was worried!
Surprisingly, my husband was the exact opposite! He was happy to make the sudden change. He made phone calls to people he knew to tell them what had occurred. Two days later, a restaurant owner called him to inquire, if he would renovate her bathroom, now that he had all this free time on his hands. Having worked in renovation for many years, my husband agreed to do it right away. Thus, three days after he quit his job, he was working in his new job, making money. I was stunned! I stopped running the worse-case scenarios in my head.
Since he started his renovation work, my husband is much happier. He is smiling most of the time. He is incredibly satisfied that he made this sudden change. Not only that, but he makes more money in this new job that he feels much happier doing!
This made me think about the power of sudden change. Responsible people always plan ahead. We are praised for this quality. However, it pays to make impulsive and quick decisions at times. Maybe, the less responsible people have better luck because they are willing to take chances and make sudden decisions.
The great philosophical question is how to balance these two extremes. How super responsible should a person be? How impulsive can one afford to be? In what circumstances can impulsiveness work out? How can one make a sudden change work? How much chance should one take in order to make it work? So many questions, I have no answer for!
For now, I have been looking at my Buddha statue on my wall unit contemplatively. I bought this decorative item about twenty years ago. It symbolizes change. Buddhists believe that life is in a constant flux, a constant change. This may be true! But, I am still wondering how great of a sudden change this system can tolerate at once?! Or, maybe, I misunderstood the situation. Maybe, my husband hung on to his less than satisfactory job for too long and needed this sudden change. Maybe, the lesson is that we need to learn to go with the flow.
M. J. Mandoki

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May 10, 2015
Mindfulness
On my way to work, I was listening to the radio. 106.9 (Fanshawe College) in London, Ontario, had an hour long program on mindfulness. Apparently, mindfulness is beneficial. We all probably know about it. We usually hear about these things. It made me think, though. How mindful are we really?
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, mindfulness is the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis. The example on the radio show was having a coffee and being really aware of drinking it, using all five senses. A person should be aware of all qualities of the coffee. The coffee tastes slightly sweet. It looks dark with a touch of cream floating on top of the cup. It is hot to the touch. It smells caramel-like. The sip of coffee rushing into the mouth can be heard even from the kitchen. All senses being present sounds wonderful! Do we ever do this, though? Are we ever this mindful about anything in our lives?
I do not think that most of us are seriously mindful. A good example for this is the way we talk about ourselves. We go to a party. After the initial introduction of our names, the first question we ask is���? Care to guess? The question is: what do you do for a living? Yes. We compartmentalize our lives and focus on professions. We are aware of the “who is who” in the room. Do we ever expand beyond this single-minded focus? The doctor we are talking to may also be a mother, a wife, an environmentalist, a philosopher and a yoga enthusiast. She may read books about the Second World War, go camping on weekends and sing pop songs in the shower. Are we aware? Probably not. What about ourselves? What am I? I am��� Yes, I am tempted to say���writer or security professional. Surely, I write books and have a Security and Private Investigator License. But, is this all I am? Am I really aware of what else I am? I also read philosophy books and I am interested in mysticism, near-death experience, death-bed visions, reincarnation theories, so-called paranormal phenomena and other altered states of consciousness. I am married. I like long-distance running, nature and architectural photography and playing scrabble with my nephew. Am I aware of all these aspects of myself in that room full of people? Probably not.
The issue is that we are unaware of our lives and environment. We are unaware that life happens when we are busy making plans. We are single-mindedly identifying with our professions in the present and make plans accordingly in the future. The rest seems to just slide by.
We may need to slow down, perhaps,��just a little. We need to be aware of more of what is going on. I wish we could have a party where none of us would be allowed to mention what we do for a living. Instead, we would get to know ourselves and all others around us, a little better. We could certainly be and exist more in the present. Otherwise, how are we ever going to capture the magic of life, if we are unaware what is right in front of us?
So, how is that coffee now with all five senses present? Is the experience any different?
M. J. Mandoki


May 3, 2015
Hello, my name is Destiny!
Now, that the British royal baby girl was born, many followers are excited about the little girl’s name. Is it going to be Charlotte, Alice, Elisabeth or Diana? This excitement made me think about choosing names. How does one pick a name for a character in a fictional work? Does it work the same way as picking a name for a newborn?
I believe that there are similarities. The suggest taking seven factors into consideration: 1) Check the root meanings; 2) Get your era right; 3) Speak them out loud; 4) Manage your crew properly; 5) Use alliterative initials; 6) Think it through; and, 7) Check them again. These rules are certainly applicable to both parents and writers. You do not want your child or character to end up with a name with a funny root meaning; feel like he or she does not belong to the era; made fun of because of the way the name sounds; have similar names to people around; and, live with a name picked on impulse. Both parents and writers should take these sensible rules under advisement. ��
Beyond these sensible rules, is there anything else that a person can do to pick��the right name? For my first book, I had people volunteer their names or volunteer names they were familiar with. One of my main characters, Spyder, is a name a biker uses. Tyler is my ex-coworker. I added the designation “Skinny” in front of “Tyler” to make him look like a younger, outlaw biker. Destiny is also a coworker who did not mind lending her name to the leading lady character in the story. Thus, I can say I used up most of the names of the people around me who fit well into my story, having taken the seven rules mentioned into consideration. This means that I had to be more imaginative for my second book. For my short stories, I tried to focus on names with specific meanings. I actually went on the internet to search for the mysterious character names I desired. Since most of my stories have mystery attached to them, the characters’ names had to be ambiguous. It was tougher than I thought it would be. Atlas, Alethea, MarytheRed and Dilronzo are all ambiguous enough to pass. Yet, they carry the meaning of what I wanted to say and fit into the stories, as well. Thus, I managed to come up with great names at the end.
Is there anything else a person can do to pick the right name, then? I think that the most important point is that the name really has to bring out the character of the person. It has to click with the character. In case of writers, for example, unless one wants to be ironic, calling a lovable man Poseidon would be unkind, since he is one of the most violent and mean-spirited god in Greek mythology. The same way, calling an evil woman Theresa might raise a few eyebrows because the name is mostly associated with saints or saintly women, such as Saint Theresa of Avila or Mother Theresa. The name has to fit the character well. I do not mean to say that the character has to fit the stereotypical image, but it cannot be out of synchrony with the image the audience can relate to. Simply, a��person has to carry the right idea for which the writer is trying to use the character for. The name has to be uniquely fitting for the purpose it serves. It cannot be unique for the sake of being unique alone. Similarly, a parent might think about how the name fits the child in question. The name has to carry the right idea about the child that his or her personality expresses. The child’s name cannot be unique for the sake of just being unique. After all, the child has to live with it for the rest of his or her life.
Although picking a name is tricky, both parents and writers can do a good job, if they focus on the person they are naming. So, when the person speaks, it carries the right image: “Hello, my name is Destiny! What is yours?”
M. J. Mandoki


April 29, 2015
Happiness Project for April: Being Lucky
As I said in December, I decided to do a happiness project, which entails that I do something unusual, strange or, outright silly every month that I would normally not do. For the month of April, I decided to do affirmation on luck. I repeated that I was lucky, at least, a hundred times a day to see if it makes any difference.
I have to conclude that affirmations work. Repeating that I am lucky, a large number of times, actually, made me lucky. How does it work? I have to say that I am not entirely sure. Metaphysically, I would have to say that it is karma. Thoughts have power to affect reality. What I put out has a ripple effect and comes back multiplied. This is my personal belief. However, I realize that not everyone believes in such a��reality. For the skeptics, I am able to come up with some alternative explanations. Firstly, the idea of being lucky offers hope. Hope offers positive thinking and attitude. Others notice a positive person more and they are kinder and nicer as a result. Secondly, the hopeful and optimistic person’s radar is up; she is noticing good things around her. Opportunities arrive faster this way. Finally, a person who believes in luck takes more chances. More chances allow for a higher rate of success.
I have to point out that emotions do affect results. There were days when it was harder to repeat the affirmation or get into it. On those days, I had difficulty attracting any luck. At times, I even gave up and decided to start over the next day.
What kind of luck did I attract? I certainly have not won the jackpot on the lottery; otherwise, I would be writing this blog on a sunny island or on a high-mountain. Instead, I am at home in front of the computer. The lucks I had were somewhat more modest. I always got the green lights and the dangerous drivers stayed away. I found small amounts of change wherever I went. I won a few dollars on the lottery more frequently. I sold more of my books than usual. I received small gifts from friends and family. I got invited to places. Generally, life seemed to have gotten better.
I advise everyone to try this method. It may take some time every day, but the result is worth it!
Next month, I will go to an aikido class. My coworker talked me into it. I have never tried anything like this in my life. It should be fun!
M. J. Mandoki


April 27, 2015
What is success?
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it is that I want in life. Several ideas made my list: love, wisdom, knowledge, relationships and success. I would like to discuss the last idea on my list because the concept of success seems to be elusive. I have serious difficulty with it. What is success?
According to the dictionary, success can be define in the following manner: 1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals, 2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like, 3. a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors, 4. a person or thing that has had success, as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc… Number 3 and 4 on this list are derived from 1 and 2. Therefore, I would like to focus on the first two definitions. As I understand it, the first definition has to do with finishing specific tasks with a positive result. I believe that most people can easily relate to this idea. Getting a school diploma, winning on a sport tournament or learning a new task come to mind. These are all things that we do and get positive results when doing them. Definition 2 has more to do with social status. Some people measure success by the number of dollars they have on their bank accounts, the job titles they have on their resumes or the awards they win. They measure success by who they are in society.
Looking at this analysis, I felt that something was missing. It does not seem to capture the endurance of the feeling of success. These understandings of success capture fleeting moments of life. Let me explain it. The first definition offers moments of happiness. For example, everybody feels happy to receive a secondary school, college or university degree. It is a proud moment! However, it does not last. The same happens in the case of the second definition. It is wonderful to have a million dollar on a person’s bank account. However, the novelty wears out in a few days. In addition, the neighbour might have more and an economic downturn may wipe it out as fast as it has arrived. The moment of happiness is over very soon! So, where can one find enduring success, the kind that creates lasting happiness?
I struggled with this idea when I first reflected on it. Being a writer, my impulse was to measure success by the number of books I sell. It shows that others appreciate what I do. I am sure most authors measure success the same way. However, I could not believe that success was all about the numbers! Still, I kept going down on this path for a long time, thinking about my success. I was preoccupied with the numbers. Finally, I asked myself the reason for wanting to sell a lot of books. At the end, I figured it out. I wanted to sell a lot of books, so that I can have a good income; an income, which would allow me to stay at home and become a full time writer. This revelation made me realize that, besides being appreciated, I just really want to do what I love. Selling enough books had to do with being able to do what I love.
This was a crucial moment for me. I was able to formulate the proper definition of success. Success is being able to do what one loves doing. I believe that this is the proper definition. If I am able to keep writing my books, I feel like a million dollar, permanently, regardless of how many copies I sell. I feel the most alive when I am in the process of writing. It makes me exhilarated and ecstatic! I feel happy! That is the permanent feeling of happiness that can be equated with success.
For now, I can say that I am partly successful. I am successful in a sense that I find the time to write. Unfortunately, I still have to go to work. On the other hand, I have the answer now. I know that I am working toward a permanent success. I am making my way toward it.
What is your definition of success?
M. J. Mandoki


April 22, 2015
Reading Less?
The other day, I saw a young person struggling with putting his signature on a visitor’s sheet in a lobby of a secure building. He looked around apologetically and explained that his generation lives differently. According to him, young people do not need to use cursive handwriting or read boring books like the generations before. My mind got stuck on the idea of reading boring books. I asked him about it. Apparently, they are so busy with new technological devices and social media that they do not have any time to read, especially traditional boring literature. I was shocked listening to him. Maybe, I am becoming an old lady by saying the following, but my reaction was: What does this world coming to? A generation of people who think that reading “those boring books” their parents did is not important?!
I spent some time reflecting on social media. Of course, media gave people the power to express themselves. People have access to websites, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other platforms. They can have their own specially designed accounts. The information flows quickly. Youngsters are constantly in touch with each other, messaging each other. What is the price of this fast paced universe? Having reflected on the topic, I realized that this fast paced world seem to be closing in on them. Instead of widening their perspective, they are closed into their young world of endless gossiping, bullying, sensationalizing and meaningless chit-chatting most of the time. This narrow perspective of their world seems to take up so much time, with constant access to advanced technological devices at their fingertips, that it is no small wonder that they do not have time to read “those boring books”.
What is the result? Youngsters read less meaningful material. They are less inclined to read Shakespeare, Voltaire, Dostoevsky, Sagan or Borges, unless they are forced to in school. They are so busy with their closed little world of social media that they are losing out on the fantastic worlds of literature, philosophy, history, art and science. Although they have more specialized knowledge of the computer world, they certainly end up with less overall knowledge of the world. They are no longer well-rounded individuals.
Of course, technological devices and social media are not evil. They are necessary and good inventions. However, just like anything, they can be destructive in excess. Unfortunately, since young people barely have control over their appetite for pleasurable life, they do not know how to choose the middle path between lack and excess. Lost in the world of excess, they do not have the time to discover the rest of the world. They do not have the time for “those boring books”. They do not even have the time to practice cursive handwriting, so that they can properly sign their names on the visitor sheet.
I find this very disturbing and disheartening. I wish, there was a way to open up their enclosed world to discover the greater magic of life all around them.
M. J. Mandoki


April 19, 2015
Choosing a Title
Is it ambiguous enough? “Choosing a Title” has more than one meaning. It can refer to choosing a title for a written material. It can also mean choosing a title of nobility. It can also mean creating a position at a company. A title says a lot.
In my case, my title was already ambiguous enough to have at least three different meanings. This is the reason that authors and publishers are worried about choosing a suitable title for a book. Since I have just explained what I want to talk about in this blog, the title above came into perspective. I am not trying to discuss title of nobility or of profession. I am focusing on choosing a title for a written material. Now that it is clear, here is my thesis statement: Is there a perfect recipe for choosing a title?
Having a background in philosophy and having written at least seventy university��essays in my life, I knew how important choosing the title was when I finished writing my first book. Knowing the importance of choosing a title was a double-edged sword. The advantage was that I appreciated the importance of it and, therefore, I took the work of choosing the title seriously. The disadvantage was that I was terrified of making a mistake, knowing that it was important. As a good ex-graduate student, I researched the topic. I spent days looking at websites and books for advice. Needless to say, I was more confused than ever after my research ended.
What do the experts say? A person just has to type in the words “advice for book titles” and hundreds of websites pop up. In general, most authors and publishers believe that a title has to be short, interesting, memorable, provocative, descriptive and unique. Easier said than done? Since more than a million books are published every year, it is difficult to create a title that includes all the above qualities and stands out. In addition, following this recipe may not produce success. Let’s focus on the quality of keeping the title short, for example. Of course, there are obvious examples of bad titles. I found this one on the internet: A Comparative Study of Artificial Neural Networks Using Reinforcement Learning and Multidimensional Bayesian Classification Using Parzen Density Estimation for Identification of GC-EIMS Spectra of Partially Methylated Alditol Acetates on the World Wide Web. Ouch! Can you repeat that, please?! Even if a person is an expert on the topic, he or she will not remember this title. However, there are other longer titles that became very memorable. My favorite book title is: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (1984). This is not a particularly short title and it does not sound exciting; however, it really works. In fact, the book is world famous now. Hence, taking a quality, such as the shortness of the title, does not necessarily make a book successful.
At the end of my research, I was terrified of having to pick a title with the overwhelming amount of information available. So, I did the unthinkable. I just asked myself: What feels intuitively right? I closed my eyes and I let my mind pick it out. The thought of the curse jumped in right away. My book is about a motorcyclist being cursed. The question is about the curse. Voil��! There it was: The Curse. I picked the title of my second book the same way. The book is a collection of stories about people who face realistic, real life choices in situations where unusual events happen to them. The title is: Real Life Choices.�� Thus, there is no perfect recipe, but intuition does work.
My advice to authors of any kind is to do the research, but, still,��to go with their intuition. Authors know their books well, since they wrote them. All the information and advice in the world is incapable of replacing the intuitive power of the author who knows what he or she wrote and meant to say with it. So, authors! Take a deep breath and close your eyes! What title do you see? Does it sound and feel perfect for you? Well, that is your title, then!
M. J. Mandoki


April 12, 2015
The Biggest Heist? Why Are We Fascinated With Robbers?
The Hatton Garden Safety Deposit was robbed, in London, England over the Easter weekend. The burglars took off with over ��200 million. According to CNN, the burglars climbed down in an elevator shaft from an office next door and used heavy equipment to break thorough a thick wall to get to the 70 deposit boxes they emptied. The world became instantly fascinated with the story. Speculation by the water cooler on who the robbers were and how they managed to pull off the job became the standard for the next few days. Listening to the endless speculations made me wonder about the reason for the excitement. Why are we so fascinated with robbers? Are they not the bad guys?
The experts have opinions about the matter. According to The Atlantic, the gentleman art thief with an exquisite taste can steal people’s heart. Also, the victimless crime without any violence attached to it builds a reputation both in real life and in the movies. People seem to romanticize a heist that probably effects the richest members of society only.
Having seen the movies and read some books, I have a different theory. I think that people admire the ability to mastermind a robbery and execute it according to the plan. Of course, nobody admires the robbers’ moral standards. Being a thief is not an admirable occupation. After all, it is wrong to take what does not belong to a person. Morality aside, the participants’ ability to outsmart the experts’ modern technological devices and their safeguards are difficult to overlook. The experts plan their safety devices in anticipation of all possible scenarios that the robbers may apply. They have knowledge, money and technology on their side, as well as the cooperation of owners and managers of the property. Still, the robbers outsmart them. The robbers have to sneak around, stake out the place and perhaps find somebody trustworthy inside who is willing to share information. They have to plan the impossible mission based on a creative and clever idea that none of the experts have thought of. They need to think outside the box in order to get into those deposit boxes. To be a sophisticated robber takes intelligence, ingenuity, intuition, cooperation and, meticulous and patient preparation. I believe that we admire the robbers for all of these qualities. Admiration does not have to do with being a gentleman art expert or the ability to rob the rich people. It has to do with the skillset that very few people possess in life!
I am certain that in a few years a writer will tell the story of the Hatton Garden robbery. Soon after, the movie makers will have a burning desire to tell the true story of one of the biggest heist and the audience will love it! We cannot help, but admire the talent!
M. J. Mandoki


April 8, 2015
Is A University Education Worth Pursuing?
I have had a chance to speak with a few university students lately. Some of them are coworkers and some are working in the same building I do. They are full of hope, dreaming of a great career once they finish university. They pay top dollars for their education and hold part-time jobs to pay for some of the expenses. They live busy lives, sailing toward a better future in their minds. Are their dreams realistic? Will they end up where they want to be? Is it worth pursuing a university education?
As Ken Coates and Bill Morrison point out in their article, Your University Education May Be Worth Less Than You Think, universities often make a million dollar promise. Basically, the idea is that over the course of a lifetime, a university graduate will earn a million dollars more than a person without such degree. Unfortunately, this promise has come into doubt with an increasing number of graduates ending up in mediocre jobs. For example, one of my acquaintances went to business school. He graduated this past June. He works in the building I do as a call centre agent, managing stock market portfolios for clients who have questions or difficulties. As admirable as it sounds, he makes not much more money than people at other parts of the call centre who have not yet finished university. Moreover, the job is repetitive and boring, according to him. I am sure this is not the job he was dreaming of when he was cramming for exams last year. Was it worth the effort?
I think the issue is that the promise of a better life has created an ambition for many to flock to universities. Of course, universities love it because it creates increasing revenues for them. Unfortunately, with the erosion of universities, a price had to be paid. Nowadays, the competition is great for even a mediocre job in an economy that has not enjoyed serious growth for almost a decade. It seems that a university education no longer provides what it used to. As Ken Coates and Bill Morrison state in the above mentioned article, nowadays, success can be attributed more to personal qualities and family background than a fancy university degree. A smart and talented young person backed by financial help from a wealthy family with good connections has more than a chance to succeed. University education is little more than formality for a talented and wealthy offspring from a good family. It seems that money and connection can take a person further in life than a university education. Does this seem unfair?
In addition, universities have lowered their standards over the years. They increased their tuitions, but decreased their full-time teaching stuff. Most universities employ professors on the contract basis with no promise of the contract ever leading to a full-time position. The underpaid contract workers are dealing with an increased number of students with often times mega-classes of hundreds of students. Students arriving from high school also struggle due to the little individual attention they receive and to the inflated grades their high school teachers handed out to them to get into university. It is well known, mentioned in nearly all articles about university education, that almost a third of them never make it through university.
The sad fact about university is that it no longer lives up to the promise of creating well-rounded education either. Having deemphasized liberal arts, fine arts and social science educations, the newer generations of students do not seem to gain the skills of critical and analytic thinking, sophisticated writing or general leadership ability while at university. How could they? In a supersized class with little attention paid to them and with the sole focus of giving them the right credits to graduate to have a career under their belt, they cannot possibly gain much wisdom or true knowledge.
Is university worth attending? I would say that unless a person has a goal of entering a professional program that requires a university degree, such as a law degree or medical degree, then, it may be worthwhile to slow down and think it through before enrolling. A better strategy would be to have a career goal. A young person should figure out first what he or she wants to become. One should not go to school without a plan, unless the person has rich and well connected family members. It is much better to develop a passion first that someone would be willing to work toward to succeed. If the person has no specific interest or passion, working for a few years in variety of part-time jobs might be a better choice. I advise the younger generations not to attend university in the hope of using it as crutches to provide them with a promising future. University can aid a person in getting the right credits, but not create a great future one might be dreaming of. Hence, nobody should waste money on education without a previously created passion and plan for a future. Otherwise, ending up in mediocre job with a lot of student debt may be the only crushing reality one may be facing at graduation, instead of a realization of a great dream.
M. J. Mandoki

