D.K. Sanz/Kyrian Lyndon's Blog, page 5
March 25, 2023
HERE ARE ALL THE LUCKY GIVEAWAY WINNERS!
1st prize – $50 gift certificate with a signed paperback copy of Grateful to Be Alive – Winner: Scott Wade
2nd prize – $25 gift card with a signed paperback copy of Grateful to Be Alive – Winner: Jason T. Masters
3rd prize – $15 gift card with a signed paperback copy of Grateful to Be Alive – Winner: Patrick Mullikin
4th prize – a signed paperback copy of Grateful to Be Alive – Winner: Dominick Petrellese
5th prize – a signed paperback copy of Grateful to Be Alive – Winners: Genevieve Strathman Snow and Jack Lyons
I would also like to offer free Kindle books to: Andrea Carroll, Ellis Nelson, Elena, ahblogs, and Adverting Agency
Congratulations to the winners, and thank you all so much for participating. Above all, thank you for your support, enthusiasm, and encouragement. You have no idea how much I appreciate it! It means the world to me.
I will also post these results on Facebook and attempt to notify winners by e-mail or private message.
If you’ve won a paperback copy of my book, I will need a home or P.O. address to mail it to you. If you’ve won a Kindle copy of the book or a gift card, I will need your e-mail address. Please message me the information on Facebook or send it to me at dksanz@yahoo.com.
Feature image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
HE SHOT MY SWEET, LOVELY FRIEND
Grateful to Be AliveMy Road to Recovery from Addictionby D.K. Sanz“Kristina went dancing at a club in the Bronx with a friend. Upon their return, they talked in the car for a while. Of course, it was pitch-dark by then and eerily quiet when, quite suddenly, a man crept out of the shadows, aiming a .44 revolver at point-blank range. He didn’t know them, but they were his target.
One of several shots he fired hit Kristina in the head. In an instant, she slumped over and collapsed onto the pavement. She had no time to scream, and I doubt she ever noticed him. But, just like that, she was dead.
A friend called me at work to break the news. Before I could put the phone down, all eyes were on me—the eyes of shocked and curious coworkers gauging my reaction. Speculation ensued within earshot.
‘Maybe it was a mob hit. Her family’s Italian.’
‘What was she doing out at two o’clock in the morning?’
It infuriated me that Kristina’s integrity was in question because she was the victim. I was stunned into silence. I had chills. But despite the crushing pain, I didn’t cry until later, when the distress made me wonder again about the divine protection we so naïvely expected. Why Kristina? I had to ask. Why anyone? But why Kristina?”
Do unsettling truths bring harsh judgment? They do, but the price of denial is steep.
D.K. Sanz’s story begins in the drug-infested New York City streets of Woodside, Queens, during the tumultuous HIV/AIDS pandemic of the 80s and 90s. It offers a glimpse into how a now often-overlooked pandemic impacted Sanz’s nuclear family.
From her earliest days, D.K. was the easily forgotten stranger, always a little out of sync with the rest of the world—a tough but naïve kid and aspiring writer. Her triumph over illness and addiction includes amusing anecdotes and nostalgic, heartwarming memories.
Grateful to be Alive delves deep into Sanz’s confessional self-sabotage, self-destruction, and the harrowing downward spiral she almost didn’t survive. Her never-before-told story ranges from recklessness and impudence to empathy, forgiveness, and love.
D.K. has since published several books, primarily poetry but also a novel, and she continues to work on sequels and an all-new fantasy series. You’ll find some of her poetry at the end of this book.
Whether struggling or not, you will find Grateful to Be Alive is a story of hope, defying insurmountable odds, finding joy, and a gradual transition toward authenticity and becoming the person D.K. always wanted to be.
“When you begin this book, you will not put it down. You will immediately be drawn into Sanz’s bold narrative of a woman, throughout her life, passing through “every forbidden door,” as she says of herself. It is a book of continual growth through experience, defeat, and triumph. The prose is swift, concise, full of irony, truth, and poise. You will not find a more startling, revealing memoir. Highly, highly recommended.” ~ Jason T. Masters
If you are interested in obtaining an ARC copy, please e-mail me at dksanz@yahoo.com.
Feature image by Mystic Art Design from Pixabay
March 18, 2023
THIS IS IT, FRIENDS! ENTER MY GIVEAWAY!
TERMS OF GIVEAWAY:
No purchase is necessary to enter or win, and purchases of books by D.K. Sanz do not enhance an entrant’s chance of winning.
This contest is limited to the United States, void where prohibited, and off-limits to the author’s immediate family members. You must be 18 years old to enter.
By participating in this contest, you agree to the terms and rules and refrain from fraudulent claims, including submitting multiple entries using alternate e-mail addresses. Violation will result in disqualification.
I will provide a complete list of winners on this blog on March 25.
Winners must provide the info to claim their prizes by April 1. Failure to do so will result in disqualification.
The sponsor of this campaign is Moonlit Dawn Publications, LLC. This contest is in no way sponsored, endorsed, administered by, or associated with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Word Press, or any other social media site.
By entering, you agree to release and hold harmless Moonlit Dawn Publications and its representatives from any liability.
Moonlit Dawn Publications is not liable for a winner’s failure to receive notices. Please check your spam/junk mail and security settings.
Moonlit Dawn Publications may terminate or cancel this campaign if necessitated by circumstances beyond our control.
Thank you again for your interest and enthusiasm.
Moonlit Dawn Publications
Mineola, NY
FAQ: MORE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT THE GIVEAWAY If you are interested in obtaining an ARC copy for the purpose of reviewing the book, it’s not too late. Please e-mail me at dksanz@yahoo.com.March 11, 2023
THE WOUNDS LOVE WON’T HEAL
I once had a habit of making excuses for people.
“You have to not give a shit,” my then twenty-something son would say. “You keep trying to make sense of it, but it’s never going to make sense. They are not nice. End of story.”
Out of the mouth of babes, yeah, but he was right. How many times can we try and try again, hoping things will be different? Sometimes, the people we think are ports in a storm turn out to be the rips in our sail.
The truth is, most of us have precarious relationships with others where we find ourselves setting or accepting boundaries to maintain that connection. Maybe it’s an intolerable behavior issue or substantial differences of opinion. There are situations, too, where people grow up with devastating trauma. Family members have different outlooks about what happened, maybe even different experiences. One may still feel the agony of the hurt they or someone else caused in doing what they felt was right. Things said may remind you of the pain they caused you or the pain you caused them. There’s a lot of retraumatization within the same dynamics.
These situations are loaded for the simple reason that you care about these people. If you didn’t, you could easily blow them off and never have anything further to do with them.
And sure, it’s painful. You wish things were different. It saddens us that there was so much good, and we cherish the memories to the point of tears. We may wonder, Can we ever get it back? If we did, would it ever be the same?
What I’ve found is, when considering forgiveness in any situation, a critical thing to decipher is What really happened? Sorting out what’s true and what’s not is more important than appeasing others who need to deal with their own wounds. Their place in the healing process is different from ours. Denial has consequences for both parties, so did we play a part in the conflict? If so, what was it? We can take responsibility only for what we contributed to the falling out.
Maybe the falling out stemmed from an argument, someone else’s meddling, or someone’s denial. Perhaps it was because of lies and fragile egos, smear campaigns, and the rush to judgment.
Whatever it was, for any kind of resolution, both parties have to come to the table with an open mind. There must be a willingness to walk hand in hand through that minefield together. It’s hard because, quite often, the trust isn’t there any longer. And you have to be willing to trust someone to do that.
There’s a difference, too, between reaching out and setting a trap. We can’t be condescending or aim to “win.” We have to be genuine and sincere, let go of any bitterness or resentment, and respond only from a place of caring and love. You can have so much love for someone and still have to handle your interaction with them like you’re holding a piece of glass.
There are no-fly zones in these situations. Believe me, there was a time I’d have flown my plane right into that restricted zone and not for a moment realize the potential damage I’d cause to the relationship. I’d gotten used to a cycle of being hurt and fighting back. Sometimes, we are blinded by rage, and we keep hurling it at someone, but we don’t realize they’re bleeding, too.
These days, I think of what I might say in these circumstances and recognize how it could go wrong. Often, I decide I can say nothing. Or I wonder how to rectify a situation or resolve a conflict, and every way I might think to approach it, I see a flashing red light, and it’s just no. Don’t. You can’t. There’s a need to tread gently, take care.
Plenty of people out there can discern these situations, I’m sure, but many of us had to learn.
No doubt, it’s wonderful when the resolution of a conflict results in mutual forgiveness and a starting point for healing the relationship. At the same time, we can’t allow people to deny the reality of what we experienced, and we can’t accept their spin on it if it has no basis in truth. We don’t want to hear the justification for what cannot be justified, or for the other party to minimize the damage. We can’t let them guilt or shame us into keeping quiet or making concessions.
Sometimes, however, their message is clear. Maybe it’s always been clear, but it takes a while for us to accept. Their words and actions have repeatedly shown us they are not in our corner. They may not be against us, exactly, but they’re not for us either. They don’t respect us or our boundaries. They’re not concerned about our feelings. Nothing’s ever truly resolved in a relationship like that, and nothing changes.
We lost this person long ago, and it has already broken our hearts a thousand times. Is this someone we ever really had or truly knew? We lost the chance to dysfunction, and not even obligatory love and commitment could save it. It’s reached a point where suiting up and showing up simply hurt too much.
It hurts to admit when we’ve chosen someone or something that isn’t right for us, and when we’re trying to fit where we don’t belong.
And, for various reasons, not everyone is in a position where they can simply walk away. There may not even be a lot they can do to protect themselves or limit interaction. They may not be able to avoid participating in the drama.
Those of us who do walk away will often mourn what we couldn’t have. Some holes remain unfilled for us. Some stories will never be heard or told, and some scars won’t ever heal. We say goodbye with so much weight and with a burden too hard to hold. It’s more than sorrow. It’s grief. And you miss what you wanted that to be.
We can feel this profound grief even in walking away from people who weren’t that close to us because we feel like they should have been. Those ties were supposed to bind but didn’t. Instead, they turned out to be so weak that they broke a little more at every difference of opinion, each instance where we stood up for ourselves, or any time people looked at us and didn’t see themselves.
We certainly do a lot of grieving in life, and grieving does have its beauty. We can experience joy, happiness, sadness, and hurt; none are permanent states. These are moments that awaken us.
I’ve learned that the pain that follows in walking away is worth getting that toxicity out of your life. Even if they create a false narrative about you and make you out to be the devil incarnate, it’s still worth it. It will hurt less over time, or maybe it will always hurt a little, but you’ll be okay. You were brave enough to show up to this shitshow again and again. You tried to fit in. You tried to make it work. If it didn’t, well, love and acceptance await you elsewhere. In AA, I heard the slogan: You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick. I believe that.
It’s important to realize we deserve to be happy. A few cherished loved ones are far better than dozens of people hanging on simply to make life difficult. We can’t fix or save everyone. We can’t always make things right.
To this day, there are people I’d love to drop a line to and ask how they’re doing or just to say, “I miss you.” One might ask themselves: What are safe topics we can discuss? Should we stick to a public forum in responding to one another rather than talking on the phone or by text? Can we support one another in ways that don’t involve us in their lives? I find these things helpful in dealing with others where caution may apply. It’s often the difference between reacting and responding. Realize you’re communicating with another vulnerable human being who likely has had their own trauma. They are not bulletproof.
As I’m sure everyone knows, you can love people to the moon and back even when your relationship with them is broken. You may forgive them and want the best for them while moving on without them. I’ve learned the best thing to do is keep sending them love and light, along with your inner hope for peace and the willingness for them to heal. I visualize it going to them in waves: I send you love. I wish you well. I wish you peace.
Sometimes, that’s all we can do. Even if you don’t buy into the “waves” thing, the exercise is intended to let go of any negative feelings.
Most importantly, though: We must forgive ourselves, as well. All we wanted was love.
*Excerpted from my forthcoming memoir, Grateful to Be Alive: My Road to Recovery from Addiction*
Heart/sand image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay
March 6, 2023
CHANCE TO ENTER MY EXCITING SPRING GIVEAWAY!
March 4, 2023
REVIEW: SPARE by PRINCE HARRY
Before reading Spare by Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, I was aware of people’s complaints about it. It sounds kind of silly, but one complaint was about his retelling of the story where he got frostbite during an expedition to the Arctic. (Actually, it was “frostnip,” which is slightly better than frostbite.) Those readers thought it was too much information since it affected his penis along with his ears and fingers.
Yes, he talked about it in detail. I was almost halfway through the book before I came upon that little anecdote, and I thought it was relevant given the accompanying circumstances.
But I thought, why focus on that? The book is pretty great. The New Yorker described it as compellingly artful, and I agree. Spare is also beautifully written, engaging, informative, and even fascinating at times.
So here I was, giving myself a pat on the back for being a good sport about the TMI instead of nitpicking, and then there was yet another story about that appendage. He calls it his “todger,” by the way. And this time, he described its condition (flaccid) during a harsh training exercise where the soldiers had to strip naked.
At that point, it was like, okay, Harry, enough about your todger.
But I like Prince Harry a lot. I have a great deal of empathy for him and Meghan. I realize that many people will disagree with me, but he broke a toxic cycle and wrote this story bravely.
Sure, many people will say facetiously, “Oh, poor, Prince.” They’ll say he is spoiled. But if you read the book and believe what he says (which I do), you come away with a different perspective.
His story shows that wealth and titles mean nothing if you don’t believe you are loved, welcomed, accepted, valued, and respected in this world. It shows that you can be royalty and lack self-esteem. And that the world may have an image of you that is not who you are. It highlights how people can humiliate you and betray your trust over and over, and how there’s not enough money or esteem in the world to prevent that from happening.
So, I don’t care what the haters say. Prince Harry’s story is heartbreaking.
I fully empathize, regarding how the paparazzi and public badgered him and the women he cared most about in his life, to the point where those women ultimately had to abandon him. The world has failed Princess Di’s sweet boy, and I’m sorry for all the pain he endured. I’m sorry for the pain that Meghan endured.
So, I can forget the parts that made me cringe and attribute that to Prince Harry wanting to be a little self-deprecating. Maybe he doesn’t see any other way to come across as honest and humble, knowing that people will judge him harshly, so he allows himself to be vulnerable. I get it, and it doesn’t lessen his message to us.
What Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex, has to say is important. That other stuff is trivial by comparison.
I fully support him in exposing unjust systems and institutions.
I applaud him for calling out racism and its tragic impact.
Sharing our stories is vital these days. There’s already too much digging our heads in the sand.
And, so, yes, in terms of a star rating, that’s a five from me.
Feature image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
February 25, 2023
WRITING AND LOVING AN INSPIRING MEMOIR
I do love an inspiring memoir, even one that is tragic and sad, as long as there is a flicker of hope! You have to have a curiosity or fascination about people, in general, to want to know about their struggles and achievements. For me, it doesn’t matter if I’m reading it or streaming it; I go all in. Like when I read Carly Simon’s Boys in the Trees, I watched YouTube videos of her and her ex, James Taylor, performing live. About half of one morning, I walked around the house singing their song Mockingbird because it was stuck in my head after replaying the video several times.
What I never expected, however, was to write a memoir of my own. Until recently, it never occurred to me. My goal was to write fiction, and I expressed my views through poetry. Eventually, I realized I had an important story to share, one that could benefit others. Some stories, I believe, can be your gift to leave behind because it’s bigger than you and has the potential to be a lifeline for someone else.
Every single one of us has something to give in that way. I learn from everyone, so I don’t go around with false modesty, thinking no one can learn from me. At the very least, I’ve written something of a cautionary tale.
Just the other day, I noted in a Facebook post that putting ourselves out there, especially in this way, exposes us to criticism no matter what. I wrote, “I’ve read reviews of several memoirs where readers say the author tells the entire story honestly and without complaining, and then other reviewers will say (about the same book) it was nothing but whine, whine, whine. So, I’ve gone through my completed recovery memoir a few times to make sure I don’t sound like a whiny bitch, but I do realize how much perception varies.” 
The responses were interesting and encouraging.
A friend said, “I think one of the reasons people read memoirs is to interact with the challenges and important things the author has experienced, things that have caused growth in the author. I think if a reader finds that honesty whiny, then they’re not paying attention, and refusing to get involved, as they read.”
We all, indeed, open these books with a different perspective.
While reading other memoirs, I learned that you have to know your goal in telling the story. To me, it’s obvious when revenge is one of those goals or an urgent need to present one’s side of the story. Some things are written in anger or pain, and I feel fortunate that I’m not in any of those places. I decided that my memoir was about recovery, change, and progression. If I was going to write it, it had to come from a place of love; it had to come from my heart and soul.
I can’t deny that it isn’t a pretty story. It’s tragic and bound to be unsettling, but it’s up to me to find all the beauty in that story because it’s there. It’s not black and white but often overshadowed with grey and interrupted by numerous bursts of color—awe-inspiring, vivid, joyful, and brimming with hope.
No doubt, I will be judged harshly for what I’ve gotten myself into, but that’s okay. 
Image by Pexels from Pixabay Further details about my forthcoming book are provided below.
Book description: Grateful to Be AliveMy Road to Recovery from Addictionby D.K. SanzDo unsettling truths bring harsh judgment? They do, but the price of denial is steep.
D.K. Sanz’s story begins in the drug-infested New York City streets of Woodside, Queens, during the tumultuous HIV/AIDS pandemic of the 80s and 90s. It offers a glimpse into how a now often-overlooked pandemic impacted Sanz’s nuclear family.
From her earliest days, D.K. was the easily forgotten stranger, always a little out of sync with the rest of the world—a tough but naïve kid and aspiring writer. Her triumph over illness and addiction includes amusing anecdotes and nostalgic, heartwarming memories.
Grateful to be Alive delves deep into Sanz’s confessional self-sabotage, self-destruction, and the harrowing downward spiral she almost didn’t survive. Her never-before-told story ranges from recklessness and impudence to empathy, forgiveness, and love.
D.K. has since published several books, primarily poetry but also a novel, and she continues to work on sequels and an all-new fantasy series. You’ll find some of her poetry at the end of this book.
Whether struggling or not, you will find Grateful to Be Alive is a story of hope, defying insurmountable odds, finding joy, and a gradual transition toward authenticity and becoming the person D.K. always wanted to be.
ARC CopiesFor those unfamiliar, an ARC is an advanced reader copy provided before publication. Each recipient of an ARC intends to read and review the book. Reviews can be anywhere from one sentence to three or four paragraphs. Ideally, they should appear on Amazon and Goodreads the day the book comes out, likely in February. (I will notify you of the release date.) If it’s posted after that date, the sooner, the better, of course, but days or months later is still good. In other words, there is no rush.
Once given an ARC, you are under no obligation to read or review the book, but, at the same time, you wouldn’t want to request an ARC copy if that’s not your initial intention. In other words, if reading the book causes you to change your mind for any reason, there are no consequences, legal or otherwise.
ARCs are free. Currently, I have them available in Word or PDF formats. Eventually, they will be available on Kindle.
Reviews by ARC readers are posted on Amazon and, hopefully, Goodreads if the recipient has a Goodreads account.
ARC readers, unlike beta readers, are not expected to provide feedback to the author besides the public review, but feedback is certainly welcome.
To apply for an ARC, please e-mail me at dksanz@yahoo.com and answer the following questions:
1) Are you familiar with the author’s work? (Just curious, it’s okay if you’re not.)
2) Have you ever reviewed a book by this author?
3) Please briefly explain why this particular book would interest you.
4) Have you reviewed books or products before this request?
5) Do you have an Amazon account?
6) Do you have a Goodreads account?
Unfortunately, I may not be able to accommodate every request, but I thank you in advance for your interest.
Oh, and just for fun, I’ve already created a music playlist for my memoir. You can see it on YouTube for the complete list of 57 songs.
Feature photo at the top (woman sitting on books) by Christine Engelhardt from Pixabay
February 18, 2023
GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE: MY WELCOME
For those interested, I thought I’d share the “introduction” to my forthcoming memoir. All thoughts are welcome!
INTRODUCTIONI never wanted to tell this story—at least not this way. Sure, I was forthcoming in sharing bits and pieces of it with certain groups and individuals, but, for the most part, I aimed to spare my loved ones. Now that I have been given the green light by those who mean the most to me, and after what I’ve witnessed over the past few years, I’m going ahead with my uncensored confessions. Down the rabbit hole we go to unearth the dark tales about lies that save and destroy you, paying the piper when the master is ego, and the challenges accepted at the end of the forbidden road.
It amazes me, still, the shocking things we can survive, especially when we never lose hope or give up on laughter and love. The weight, venom, mire, and bondage of our obsessions create roadblocks and wreak havoc until we take that yellow brick road back to sanity. If you’ve seen the movie, Wizard of Oz, you know what I’m talking about. The wizard at the end of the road is a fraud, but you always had the shoes, right?
Anyway, what matters is what’s real.
My story is about addiction and recovery (from many things). I am one of the fortunate ones who lived to tell how it went for me during my fight for sanity and peace from the late 80s to the mid-2000s. However, even after twenty-seven years of sobriety, when people tell me they have no regrets about their life decisions, I’m sure I misunderstand what they mean by that. Perhaps I’m taking it too literally, but I can’t imagine not having at least some regrets. Most of us have caused pain for others (and ourselves), even if we never meant to, and the one thing I regret more than anything is the people I’ve hurt in my oblivion and ignorance.
In retrospect, it’s hard for me to believe some of the things that happened—that I wasn’t dreaming. A serial killer murdered one of my dear friends. One day, the FBI came to my house looking for a bank robber I knew rather intimately. Except I wasn’t aware that he’d robbed banks; I was only a teenager.
My experiences seem absurd to the kind of people I’ve befriended well after that. They’ve led far more sheltered lives, where their parents took them to museums and ballet performances, and it surprised them that I hung out on street corners with friends and in parks. To quote my now-grown son, “I guess it was a sign of the times. Kids just go wandering around meeting people.”
I couldn’t help laughing when he said it, and I laughed whenever I remembered it throughout the day. Yeah, we weren’t Opie living in Mayberry or Beaver living in Mayfield, but, sadly, there’s danger in doing the most natural thing.
Nevertheless, in telling this story, I will include the humor and joy along with all of the tragic madness.
Yeah, some people will say, “Certain things must be kept private.” Perhaps, but we live in an age of transparency and accessibility. As an introvert, I never liked that, but I get over it when writing. Understanding is critical in the world we live in today.
Some people actually think there’s too much empathy in the world and that we as a species may have to be a little more vicious and cruel to survive, like in the olden days. Maybe even with a bit of medieval torture thrown in for good measure. Those people are wrong, and I’m pleased as punch that both time and history have taught us more about humanity. It’s part of our evolution as a species.
My theory is that malignant narcissism is at the heart of the world’s dysfunction. I’m convinced that we’re dealing with the chaos of the world’s trauma, shame, and pain. It’s the gift that keeps on giving—with the worst possible repercussions, and it spreads through the universe like a poison. I believe this suffering, which leads to more suffering, is a cycle we can break with recognition, empathy, and a genuine desire to change.
While I’m certainly not a professional, I’ve dealt with my share of narcissism throughout my life. Unfortunately, many people have endured far worse than what I’ve experienced, and some have been damaged beyond repair. Whatever we can do to help others toward the light in the darkness can mean the difference between their giving up and holding on.
Most of us already have an underlying fear that people won’t love us for who we are, which, through suffering from narcissistic abuse, gets distorted into the notion that no one will ever love us—period. Underneath it is a chronic sadness that never really subsides, and shame overwhelms us.
Not being loved for who we are is of the things people fear most in life, a fate worse even than death, and many young people out there are killing themselves for that. They fight to cope with one trauma after another until they reach a breaking point and can’t cope anymore, and then they shut down. The message is I’ve had enough; I can’t do this anymore. I’m out.
Often, when people feel that desperation, getting beyond thoughts of suicide is only the first hurdle. From there, it’s a long haul to reclaim themselves and their capacity to love.
The aim of sharing my story is not to gain sympathy but to shed some light on how certain things develop and how we overcome those challenges even when the odds are against us.
One thing I’ve heard and can relate to as a poet and writer is, “Don’t waste your pain.” Life is beautiful and tragic, happy, sad, and everything in between, and, as a poet, I’m here for all of it. The pain is often long gone by the time we relay things in poetry and books, but we can still empathize with people struggling to navigate whatever we’ve already sorted out.
Speaking of that, I learn from everyone. As I’ve said in another book of mine, a heart that has ached mercilessly can spin a lifetime of agony into a garden of wisdom and solace, offering others comfort and peace. It’s the same heart that knows the ecstasy of being alive and cherishing every moment.
Recovery, for me, has been an ongoing journey toward authenticity, removing the veils layer by layer and discarding the masks. I was told in recovery that we are only as sick as our secrets. Of course, we are allowed to have secrets. But suppose our hidden truth has us living a double life or creating a barrier between us and the world? We tend to compartmentalize aspects of our lives as part of the deception. In that case, it either limits or restricts our healing and impedes our goal of authenticity.
We evolve as we become aware of our patterns and vulnerabilities—and we seek answers. Raw honesty combined with accountability helps everyone, especially those of us who’ve gotten caught in a cycle of self-loathing and self-sabotage. We need truth, spiritual courage, and to remain teachable.
These days, a sacred innocence in me has returned. The ever-present inner child in me is at peace and full of joy. I can see the world’s beauty with the eyes of that child. Even when things get crazy, I sit with this peace. If this peace slips away from me even for a moment, I’ll grasp it again and keep it clutched in my fist.
That’s because our job is to keep resolving things internally so we continue evolving as humans, deepening our understanding, empathy, and compassion. Suffering can be beautiful when we constantly grow, but not if we’re emotionally stuck in the same place without learning from what we’ve endured.
Think of this for a moment: When depicted as fire-breathing monsters, mythical dragons are harmful and dangerous—perhaps diabolical. And, like dragons, some people constantly and painfully attempt to incinerate others with their scathing flames. Even those of us who aren’t so malevolent can wear a dragon’s facade to guard and protect ourselves in the darkest of times, but must relinquish it before it destroys us.
The continuous goal is healing—not simply individual healing but collective healing. We each have our gifts and tools for contributing to the greater good, and it turns out that it’s one massive, collaborative effort, during which time we remain connected as part of a larger entity.
So, I write this book from the heart.
And, by the way, I lived happily ever after. I kicked the ass I had to kick to do it—especially my own.
Well, here we go with the story now. Sit tight. Grab some coffee, tea, or what have you, and all that I ask is, when things get a little too dark and ugly, please try to hang in there with me.
Thanks for reading!
BOOK DESCRIPTIONGrateful to Be AliveMy Road to Recovery from AddictionDo unsettling truths bring harsh judgment? They do, but the price of denial is steep.
D.K. Sanz’s story begins in the drug-infested New York City streets of Woodside, Queens, during the tumultuous HIV/AIDS pandemic of the 80s and 90s. It offers a glimpse into how a now often-overlooked pandemic impacted Sanz’s nuclear family.
From her earliest days, D.K. was the easily forgotten stranger, always a little out of sync with the rest of the world—a tough but naive kid and aspiring writer. Her triumph over illness and addiction includes amusing anecdotes and nostalgic, heartwarming memories.
Grateful to be Alive delves deep into Sanz’s confessional self-sabotage, self-destruction, and the harrowing downward spiral she almost didn’t survive. Her never-before-told story ranges from recklessness and impudence to empathy, forgiveness, and love.
D.K. has since published several books, primarily poetry but also a novel, and she continues to work on sequels and an all-new fantasy series. You’ll find some of her poetry at the end of this book.
Whether struggling or not, you will find Grateful to Be Alive is a story of hope, of defying insurmountable odds, finding joy, and a gradual transition toward authenticity and becoming the person D.K. always wanted to be.
ARC CopiesTo apply for an ARC, please e-mail me at dksanz@yahoo.com and answer the following questions:
1) Are you familiar with the author’s work? (Just curious, it’s okay if you’re not.)
2) Have you ever reviewed a book by this author?
3) Please briefly explain why this particular book would interest you.
4) Have you reviewed books or products before this request?
5) Do you have an Amazon account?
6) Do you have a Goodreads account?
For those unfamiliar, an ARC is an advanced reader copy provided before publication. Each recipient of an ARC intends to read and review the book. Reviews can be anywhere from one sentence to three or four paragraphs. Ideally, they should appear on Amazon and Goodreads the day the book comes out, likely in February. (I will notify you of the release date.) If it’s posted after that date, the sooner, the better, of course, but days or months later is still good. In other words, there is no rush.
Once given an ARC, you are under no obligation to read or review the book, but, at the same time, you wouldn’t want to request an ARC copy if that’s not your initial intention. In other words, if reading the book causes you to change your mind for any reason, there are no consequences, legal or otherwise.
ARCs are free. Currently, I have them available in Word or PDF formats. Eventually, they will be available on Kindle.
Reviews by ARC readers are posted on Amazon and, hopefully, Goodreads if the recipient has a Goodreads account.
ARC readers, unlike beta readers, are not expected to provide feedback to the author besides the public review, but feedback is certainly welcome.
Unfortunately, I may not be able to accommodate every request, but I thank you in advance for your interest.
Red shoes image by Victoria_Watercolor from Pixabay
February 11, 2023
SHE JUST WANTED TO FEEL SAFE
Another excerpt from my upcoming memoir:
Eventually, I let out a deep sigh and said, “I just want to stay home.”
D.K. Sanz
He grinned. “Not home, Diane, in a cage—maybe one with wires and bars where only you control who enters and who speaks to you or touches you. You want to be protected. Even at home, you want that, and this is not a criticism. It is an observation.”
In retrospect, I’m not sure he understood why I’d developed such an intense obsession with feeling safe. But he did seem to grasp how powerful that need was, while I remained oblivious. I had yet to acknowledge that I consistently rejected reality—preferring fantasy, delusion, and a false sense of calm or any manufactured euphoria which, ironically, wasn’t safe. I also hid from others, not because I didn’t care. I just cared too much, and it hurt.
BOOK DETAILS
Grateful to Be Alive:
My Road to Recovery from Addiction
By D.K. Sanz
Do unsettling truths bring harsh judgment? They do, but the price of denial is steep.
D.K. Sanz’s story begins in the drug-infested New York City streets of Woodside, Queens, during the tumultuous HIV/AIDS pandemic of the 80s and 90s. It offers a glimpse into how a now often-overlooked pandemic impacted Sanz’s nuclear family.
From her earliest days, Sanz was the easily forgotten stranger, always a little out of sync with the rest of the world—a tough but naive kid and aspiring writer. Her triumph over illness and addiction includes amusing anecdotes and nostalgic, heartwarming memories.
Grateful to be Alive delves deep into Sanz’s confessional self-sabotage, self-destruction, and the harrowing downward spiral she almost didn’t survive. Her never-before-told story ranges from recklessness and impudence to empathy, forgiveness, and love.
D.K. Sanz has since published several books, primarily poetry but also a novel, and she continues to work on sequels and an all-new fantasy series. You’ll find some of her poetry at the end of this book.
Whether struggling or not, you will find Grateful to Be Alive is a story of hope, of defying insurmountable odds, finding joy, and a gradual transition toward authenticity and becoming the person Sanz always wanted to be.
First ARC copy review:
“When you begin this book, you will not put it down. You will immediately be drawn into Sanz’s bold narrative of a woman, throughout her life, passing through “every forbidden door,” as she says of herself. It is a book of continual growth through experience, defeat, and triumph. The prose is swift, concise, full of irony, truth, and poise. You will not find a more startling, revealing memoir. Highly, highly recommended.” ~ J.T. Masters
ARC COPY INFORMATIONThis memoir about recovery from addiction and illness is complete and in the final editing stage.
Before its release in February, I will provide readers with a certain number of ARCs.
For those unfamiliar, an ARC is an advanced reader copy provided before publication. Each recipient of an ARC intends to read and review the book. Once given an ARC, you are under no obligation to do either, but, at the same time, you wouldn’t want to request an ARC copy if that’s not your initial intention. In other words, if reading the book causes you to change your mind for any reason, there are no consequences, legal or otherwise.
ARCs are free. Currently, I have them available in Word or PDF formats. Eventually, they will be available on Kindle.
Reviews by ARC readers are posted on Amazon and, hopefully, Goodreads if the recipient has a Goodreads account.
Reviews can be anywhere from one sentence to three or four paragraphs. Sure, in-depth reviews are preferable, but I will greatly appreciate any effort made. Ideally, they should appear on Amazon and Goodreads the day the book comes out, likely in February. (I will notify you of the release date.) If it’s posted after that date, the sooner, the better, of course, but days or months later is still good. In other words, there is no rush.
ARC readers, unlike beta readers, are not expected to provide feedback to the author besides the public review, but feedback is certainly welcome.
To apply, please e-mail me at dksanz@yahoo.com and answer the following questions:
1) Are you familiar with the author’s work? (Just curious, it’s okay if you’re not.)
2) Have you ever reviewed a book by this author?
3) Please briefly explain why this particular book would interest you
4) Have you reviewed books or products before this request?
5) Do you have an Amazon account?
6) Do you have a Goodreads account?
Unfortunately, I may not be able to accommodate every request, but I thank you in advance for your interest.
Feature image at the top by kalhh from Pixabay
Second image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
[image error][image error]February 5, 2023
LOVE AS A WAY OF LIFE
Some people may think unconditional love as a way of life means loving, supporting, befriending, and forgiving everyone in every instance. I see it as a general way to view other humans and a way of having compassion for those who struggle.
It doesn’t mean supporting or necessarily forgiving the behavior of those who intentionally seek to harm others. It doesn’t mean befriending those people.
Unconditional love is a blanket feeling, a way to interact and approach. It’s a way to work at your life’s passions. Overall, it’s a way of being—having an inclusive mindset, offering a welcome space, and relentlessly projecting love. ~D.K.
“People often ask me
what is the most effective technique
for transforming their life.
It is a little embarrassing
that after years and years of research
and experimentation,
I have to say that the best answer is—
just be a little kinder.”
Aldous Huxley
Feature image of heart with dove, earth by Stefan Keller from Pixabay
