Poppy Z. Brite's Blog, page 56
November 16, 2011
Gender in the LGBT Community
Grey has apparently been feeling the need to write this for several weeks and finally posted it to his Facebook page today. I'm touched and proud that he felt compelled to write it. Since I don't really do Facebook, I'm reposting it here with his permission.
Gender in the LGBT Community - A Message to the LGBT Community
by Grey Cross on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 4:36pm
It's a little known fact to my friends and associates that my partner is transgender. In fact it's no one's business but his own as he takes this remarkable journey of the body to become what his heart and soul has always told him he should be. A man. But a recent incident pushes me to translate into words some of my feelings regarding his journey.
For me, the honor or walking at his side as he transforms from feminine to masculine has been, to say the least, an eye and mind opening experience. I can safely say that watching his struggles and triumphs has made me reexamine my own beliefs of gender.
All of us who are not what some consider "straight", have battled with what it means to be male and female. We think, because we face it as bi, gay and lesbian that we can speak with authority on the issue. But have we ever examined our own biases?
Over the recent Halloween holiday weekend, I came face to face with this issue and I am ashamed to say, I handled it badly. Enjoying the heady air of costumes and liquor, my partner and I did as so many others and wandered out to the French Quarter of New Orleans. We both decided leather was appropriate that night, I of course the Dom, my partner the sub, complete with leash and collar. We happily went off to hit the various alternative bars of New Orleans gay universe.
Of all the nights where "Gender" should be the least of issues, especially within the confines of our own LGBT Community, it crept up like the true evil that Halloween so mimics and sought to strangle our open mindedness.
Standing in line at one of the various popular gay clubs, we were stopped at the door and told that my partner could not enter, that they didn't allow "HER KIND" inside. Sternly I said "He's a man" and continued towards the door. Yet we were stopped again and asked if we had ID because we would be questioned if we entered.
I admit I was at a loss for words. Part of me wanted to lecture the doormen. Part me wanted to hit first and to hell if I got arrested. Shaken up I took my partner proudly by the hand and said we didn't need this and walked away.
Now I've done much soul searching on this since it occurred. Was it right to be turned away? Was it proper? Our clubs can get a bit rowdy and (dare I say it), sexual at times, especially during a holiday. Was the rule there to protect others? Was it a violation of our rights? I find the answer to both is yes.
I understand the reasoning behind a rule to protect privacy and interaction within the walls of that establishment. But at the same time, a rule that allows no flexibility in a community that THRIVES on its ability to break the mold and be whoever we wish to be, is a rule that has no place in our community.
To those at the door who turned us away. You have an obligation to your employer, but I want you to consider the deeper meaning behind this and whether you stand to improve our community or tear a hole in what we are seeking so desperately to heal.
Is this the way we should be treating the transgender of our community? Is this the way we help each other come to terms with who are or who we might want to become? Are we not committing the same mistake that the straight community makes? Yes, it is now acceptable for a gay or lesbian person to walk into a straight bar, but how outraged would we be if that same bar stopped a man dressed in drag from entering? We would be appalled and we would be taking to the streets in protest.
So why would we not be appalled at one of our own establishments who bars a transgender person from entering just because they deem him "NOT MALE ENOUGH"?
If we cannot be accepting of our own people in our own community, do we have the right to complain when others treat us the same way?
The only way to heal the world is by healing ourselves first. No matter what you choose to be, you have a right to be accepted. And those who interact with you are blessed to be able to see the world through your eyes for a moment and become better people (and better organizations) because of you.
I hope all our local LGBT organization, clubs, bars, etc. will reexamine their policies and realize that THEY above all have an obligation towards open mindedness and inclusiveness to ALL those who make up our community. And I hope they realize that ultimately we have the choice to support those organizations or deem them a hazard to our community and not a benefit.
Thanks for reading.
Grey Cross
(November 2012)
Gender in the LGBT Community - A Message to the LGBT Community
by Grey Cross on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 4:36pm
It's a little known fact to my friends and associates that my partner is transgender. In fact it's no one's business but his own as he takes this remarkable journey of the body to become what his heart and soul has always told him he should be. A man. But a recent incident pushes me to translate into words some of my feelings regarding his journey.
For me, the honor or walking at his side as he transforms from feminine to masculine has been, to say the least, an eye and mind opening experience. I can safely say that watching his struggles and triumphs has made me reexamine my own beliefs of gender.
All of us who are not what some consider "straight", have battled with what it means to be male and female. We think, because we face it as bi, gay and lesbian that we can speak with authority on the issue. But have we ever examined our own biases?
Over the recent Halloween holiday weekend, I came face to face with this issue and I am ashamed to say, I handled it badly. Enjoying the heady air of costumes and liquor, my partner and I did as so many others and wandered out to the French Quarter of New Orleans. We both decided leather was appropriate that night, I of course the Dom, my partner the sub, complete with leash and collar. We happily went off to hit the various alternative bars of New Orleans gay universe.
Of all the nights where "Gender" should be the least of issues, especially within the confines of our own LGBT Community, it crept up like the true evil that Halloween so mimics and sought to strangle our open mindedness.
Standing in line at one of the various popular gay clubs, we were stopped at the door and told that my partner could not enter, that they didn't allow "HER KIND" inside. Sternly I said "He's a man" and continued towards the door. Yet we were stopped again and asked if we had ID because we would be questioned if we entered.
I admit I was at a loss for words. Part of me wanted to lecture the doormen. Part me wanted to hit first and to hell if I got arrested. Shaken up I took my partner proudly by the hand and said we didn't need this and walked away.
Now I've done much soul searching on this since it occurred. Was it right to be turned away? Was it proper? Our clubs can get a bit rowdy and (dare I say it), sexual at times, especially during a holiday. Was the rule there to protect others? Was it a violation of our rights? I find the answer to both is yes.
I understand the reasoning behind a rule to protect privacy and interaction within the walls of that establishment. But at the same time, a rule that allows no flexibility in a community that THRIVES on its ability to break the mold and be whoever we wish to be, is a rule that has no place in our community.
To those at the door who turned us away. You have an obligation to your employer, but I want you to consider the deeper meaning behind this and whether you stand to improve our community or tear a hole in what we are seeking so desperately to heal.
Is this the way we should be treating the transgender of our community? Is this the way we help each other come to terms with who are or who we might want to become? Are we not committing the same mistake that the straight community makes? Yes, it is now acceptable for a gay or lesbian person to walk into a straight bar, but how outraged would we be if that same bar stopped a man dressed in drag from entering? We would be appalled and we would be taking to the streets in protest.
So why would we not be appalled at one of our own establishments who bars a transgender person from entering just because they deem him "NOT MALE ENOUGH"?
If we cannot be accepting of our own people in our own community, do we have the right to complain when others treat us the same way?
The only way to heal the world is by healing ourselves first. No matter what you choose to be, you have a right to be accepted. And those who interact with you are blessed to be able to see the world through your eyes for a moment and become better people (and better organizations) because of you.
I hope all our local LGBT organization, clubs, bars, etc. will reexamine their policies and realize that THEY above all have an obligation towards open mindedness and inclusiveness to ALL those who make up our community. And I hope they realize that ultimately we have the choice to support those organizations or deem them a hazard to our community and not a benefit.
Thanks for reading.
Grey Cross
(November 2012)
Resuming eBay
The economy sucks, finances are precarious, Christmas is coming, and I gotta keep paying for my testosterone ... so I've started doing eBay auctions of my rare/out-of-print books again. Currently up are signed copies of Guilty But Insane, Plastic Jesus, and Used Stories. As always, I'm happy to personalize the signatures on these items. Please bid if you can!
[Addendum: Found some copies of Contes de la fée verte, the French translation of Wormwood, and put them up as Buy It Now items. Merci!]
[Addendum: Found some copies of Contes de la fée verte, the French translation of Wormwood, and put them up as Buy It Now items. Merci!]
November 9, 2011
Strainer
Over the next year [after starting testosterone], more subtle changes would start to occur, making me look more and more male. It's virtually impossible to pinpoint the exact structural changes that occur on one's face during transition. I would say that the closest approximation is putting one's facial features through a kind of strainer, where all soft feminine characteristics of your face are slowly sifted away. -- Chaz Bono
So here's my picture from about a year and a half ago, right after I cut off my long hair, and a picture I took just now. I can see that there is some sort of difference (other than my tuft of chin hair and bigger, darker circles under my eyes), but I can't really pinpoint what it is.
So here's my picture from about a year and a half ago, right after I cut off my long hair, and a picture I took just now. I can see that there is some sort of difference (other than my tuft of chin hair and bigger, darker circles under my eyes), but I can't really pinpoint what it is.
November 2, 2011
Miss Adventures
It was a good, bad, hard, strange weekend. On the one hand, I had a great time with Grey and finally got to introduce him to Chris and treat him to a nice dinner at the Green Goddess. On the other hand, I'm having the worst time with gender, passing, etc. that I've had since starting to physically transition. On Friday night, I was verbally harassed by an employee and a patron in the men's restroom at the Healing Center. I've been snarked in men's rooms before, mostly at gay bars, but this went way beyond snarking. After that, I didn't want to be looked at by anybody. I tried buying a mask, but I still couldn't take the scrutiny of others, and since it was a costumed event, everyone was looking at everyone else. So I hid backstage and read The Jungle Book on my iPhone, and when that got too hard on my back, I went back to Grey's studio and kept the animals company until he got home. I wasn't able to see or enjoy his body-painting event at all, though the pictures I've seen so far look amazing.
On Saturday night we had our big Halloween-weekend night in the Quarter, where I was refused admission to the Rawhide Bar by two door guys, including one who is not only a friend of mine (so I thought) but a member of my church. So you can stand with me against the archdiocese and the police, but you can't stand up for my right to enter a bar on an all-male night? What a warrior for social justice you are, dude. The really amusing part was that both of these attitudinous door guys had BEEN FUCKED BY MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND. Har. Fucking control-freak bottoms (I should know). I had a large drink and a little cry on Grey's broad and comforting shoulder in the 700 Club, then decided I was sick of the Quarter until further notice. Which is probably a good thing, considering that twelve people were shot there on Halloween night. Appalling. My city is wracked by violence, and right now I feel like the only tangible effects I'm getting from testosterone are B.O. and zits.
I will be OK. Most people tell me it will get better. My mother, being a mother, asked what I would do if it didn't. I said I guessed I would find a way to deal with it, since I can't go back and I don't want to die anymore because, even with this crap, I'm still having too much fun.
On Saturday night we had our big Halloween-weekend night in the Quarter, where I was refused admission to the Rawhide Bar by two door guys, including one who is not only a friend of mine (so I thought) but a member of my church. So you can stand with me against the archdiocese and the police, but you can't stand up for my right to enter a bar on an all-male night? What a warrior for social justice you are, dude. The really amusing part was that both of these attitudinous door guys had BEEN FUCKED BY MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND. Har. Fucking control-freak bottoms (I should know). I had a large drink and a little cry on Grey's broad and comforting shoulder in the 700 Club, then decided I was sick of the Quarter until further notice. Which is probably a good thing, considering that twelve people were shot there on Halloween night. Appalling. My city is wracked by violence, and right now I feel like the only tangible effects I'm getting from testosterone are B.O. and zits.
I will be OK. Most people tell me it will get better. My mother, being a mother, asked what I would do if it didn't. I said I guessed I would find a way to deal with it, since I can't go back and I don't want to die anymore because, even with this crap, I'm still having too much fun.
October 27, 2011
Get Mummified By My Boyfriend
So Grey needs three more models for his show at the New Orleans Healing Center tomorrow night. If you succumb, you'll get free admission to the event (lots of cool stuff going on), you'll be partially wrapped in strips of sheeting like a mummy and painted, and you'll get some pictures of yourself taken by one of New Orleans' most talented photographers. Here's his casting call:
It's that time of the year again where Grey Cross Studios puts forth its best artists and most elegant models to be body painted for the annual Anba Dlo Celebration at the New Orleans Healing Center.
We need 6 models (any gender) who are available for the afternoon and evening of October 28th. Models will be body painted by several of New Orleans top artists. This is not a "nude" event. You will have minimal items covering your bodies during the show.
If interested, e-mail Grey at GreyACross@aol.com . Please include a photo and contact information.
I'll be there too, of course, so please say hi!
It's that time of the year again where Grey Cross Studios puts forth its best artists and most elegant models to be body painted for the annual Anba Dlo Celebration at the New Orleans Healing Center.
We need 6 models (any gender) who are available for the afternoon and evening of October 28th. Models will be body painted by several of New Orleans top artists. This is not a "nude" event. You will have minimal items covering your bodies during the show.
If interested, e-mail Grey at GreyACross@aol.com . Please include a photo and contact information.
I'll be there too, of course, so please say hi!
October 25, 2011
Halloween
Gearing up for a mad Halloween weekend. My current crowd seems to demand a higher or at least more strenuous standard of celebration than I'm accustomed to. I just hope I'm up for it; I want to have a good time, but I also seem to be entering a phase of low energy and sociability, which will not serve me well over the next several days. Tomorrow Grey and I are hosting the weekly Radical Faeries potluck at his studio, which will require extensive decorations -- we're shopping for them later today. Friday is a big event at downtown's wonderful new Healing Center, and Saturday is the big night when everyone will just swarm out into the Quarter and create various forms of chaos. I'm going as a sailor. Don't have pants yet, but with this crowd, I may not need them. Sunday is the Green Goddess' big Halloween shindig, so I'm hoping we can swing by there.
Shamefully, I haven't decorated my own home at all, so here's a picture of the pumpkins I carved last year.
Shamefully, I haven't decorated my own home at all, so here's a picture of the pumpkins I carved last year.
October 23, 2011
Ball(s) of Confusion
Living this life is right, but sometimes it is hard.
What will happen to my body? Will it ever stop looking ambiguous, will the casually observing eye ever pass over me and register "man" without doing a double take? Will the sexually observing eye ever register "man"? Will I ever be able to get these damn things off my chest?
How will I maintain these two intense relationships with men? They both add so much to my life, and there is no real conflict between them, but something in me still feels torn, or at least tearing, stretched like some ectoplasmic membrane of guilt from Uptown to downtown across the Claiborne Avenue overpass ...
Will this second adolescence kill me through sheer exhaustion? Failing that, will it cause me to make such an ass of myself that I will wish it had killed me?
Can we beat the Colts tomorrow with Coach Payton injured (FUCKING BUCS) and calling plays from the press box? This may sound minor compared to my other whinges, but it isn't. If we lose this game after last week's disastrous performance, we could lose our momentum for the whole season. But the Superdome is lit up all beautiful now (check it out on Sunday Night Football) and we will come home to triumph, I just know it. Please, God.
What will happen to my body? Will it ever stop looking ambiguous, will the casually observing eye ever pass over me and register "man" without doing a double take? Will the sexually observing eye ever register "man"? Will I ever be able to get these damn things off my chest?
How will I maintain these two intense relationships with men? They both add so much to my life, and there is no real conflict between them, but something in me still feels torn, or at least tearing, stretched like some ectoplasmic membrane of guilt from Uptown to downtown across the Claiborne Avenue overpass ...
Will this second adolescence kill me through sheer exhaustion? Failing that, will it cause me to make such an ass of myself that I will wish it had killed me?
Can we beat the Colts tomorrow with Coach Payton injured (FUCKING BUCS) and calling plays from the press box? This may sound minor compared to my other whinges, but it isn't. If we lose this game after last week's disastrous performance, we could lose our momentum for the whole season. But the Superdome is lit up all beautiful now (check it out on Sunday Night Football) and we will come home to triumph, I just know it. Please, God.
October 21, 2011
Myron
1998 - 2011
He slept on the bed and was fine last night, but when I woke up today, I found him in the living room unable to use his hind legs. At the vet they diagnosed a thrown blood clot that had paralyzed his back end. He was already in heart failure, and in pain, so Chris and I held him while he was euthanized at about 12:30 this afternoon.
This was very sudden, but I'm not entirely surprised, as his best friend James died a couple of months ago. They were like an old married couple and it's common for those to follow one another.
October 19, 2011
Faerie Cake
I'm fine, honest. Didn't really eat that day, but didn't drink the Wild Turkey either. Re-achieving equilibrium. In a little while I have to frost and decorate the Cajun syrup cake I made for the Radical Faeries potluck dinner we're attending tonight. I got rainbow sprinkles and found some gold sugar I brought back from Amsterdam. It's going to be a very fabulous cake.
October 17, 2011
And Then
And then there are those times when you're attacked by body dysphoria so severe you want to peel your skin off, and it lasts two days and counting, and you feel like you're not making any progress, you're just fooling yourself, and everyone in the world helpfully reinforces that by mis-pronouning you, and you're becoming way too dependent on your boyfriend and clinging to him like an untrained monkey and neglecting other aspects of your life and he's probably going to get sick of you anyway, and you'd kind of like a shot of Wild Turkey even though it's barely past noon and you haven't had lunch yet.
