Ball(s) of Confusion
Living this life is right, but sometimes it is hard.
What will happen to my body? Will it ever stop looking ambiguous, will the casually observing eye ever pass over me and register "man" without doing a double take? Will the sexually observing eye ever register "man"? Will I ever be able to get these damn things off my chest?
How will I maintain these two intense relationships with men? They both add so much to my life, and there is no real conflict between them, but something in me still feels torn, or at least tearing, stretched like some ectoplasmic membrane of guilt from Uptown to downtown across the Claiborne Avenue overpass ...
Will this second adolescence kill me through sheer exhaustion? Failing that, will it cause me to make such an ass of myself that I will wish it had killed me?
Can we beat the Colts tomorrow with Coach Payton injured (FUCKING BUCS) and calling plays from the press box? This may sound minor compared to my other whinges, but it isn't. If we lose this game after last week's disastrous performance, we could lose our momentum for the whole season. But the Superdome is lit up all beautiful now (check it out on Sunday Night Football) and we will come home to triumph, I just know it. Please, God.
What will happen to my body? Will it ever stop looking ambiguous, will the casually observing eye ever pass over me and register "man" without doing a double take? Will the sexually observing eye ever register "man"? Will I ever be able to get these damn things off my chest?
How will I maintain these two intense relationships with men? They both add so much to my life, and there is no real conflict between them, but something in me still feels torn, or at least tearing, stretched like some ectoplasmic membrane of guilt from Uptown to downtown across the Claiborne Avenue overpass ...
Will this second adolescence kill me through sheer exhaustion? Failing that, will it cause me to make such an ass of myself that I will wish it had killed me?
Can we beat the Colts tomorrow with Coach Payton injured (FUCKING BUCS) and calling plays from the press box? This may sound minor compared to my other whinges, but it isn't. If we lose this game after last week's disastrous performance, we could lose our momentum for the whole season. But the Superdome is lit up all beautiful now (check it out on Sunday Night Football) and we will come home to triumph, I just know it. Please, God.
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