Poppy Z. Brite's Blog, page 59

Beach Eating

I miss my boyfriend so bad (even though he has called me eight times and texted me about a hundred times since he left on Monday). Today marquisdd was kind enough to take me to the Gulf Coast, where I hadn't been since Chris and I saw Ringo Starr in concert there last year ("I see you, big guy!"), and get my mind (sort of) off it for a little while. I have been eating like the growing boy that I am. On the way out of New Orleans, we stopped at Dong Phuong Bakery in the Vietnamese village on Chef Menteur Highway, and I got coconut buns and ate them. In Pass Christian, we went to a Mexican restaurant, where I had beef enchiladas (I crave meat, meat, meat) and beans and rice. Then we went to the beach for a while.

Pass Christian Beach



After that, we were just going to drive up to the weird shark head souvenir shop in Biloxi, but it turned out they were having the Biloxi Seafood Festival, and I ate half a funnel cake and a bowl of shrimp stew.

Funnel Cake



Now I'm home and hungry again. God help me, I'm thinking about an Angus Bacon Burger from McDonald's. My appetite has increased, but my taste has gone to hell. I haven't gained a single pound, either; I'm turning it all into bones, muscles, and dick.

Coming Out As Trans

poto_heart has a great post about how/how not to react when a trans person comes out to you. I find the super-casual let's-get-past-it approach especially bothersome, as (1) it makes me suspect the person is grossed out or otherwise uncomfortable with me, and (2) it reminds me of those white folks who say "I don't see race!", conveniently ignoring the fact that most people of color don't have the option of "not seeing" race because they must deal with the world's reactions to it every day.

I think my favorite reaction so far was from a perfect stranger working at the Body Shop. She offered me a free sample of shaving lotion "for my husband or boyfriend," and without having planned to, I blurted out, "Actually, I've just started transitioning from female to male, so I'll use it myself." Her response, with a big smile: "That's wonderful! Congratulations!" I think I've told that story here before, but it bears repeating, as I can't think of any response I'd rather get.

Retrospect

My first real Southern Decadence ... well, I can't hope to recreate the immediacy of my Twitter feed. Possibly a simple recounting of events will suffice: Sex, voyeurism, leather, bars, clubs, the Phoenix OMG, more voyeurism, sex, 4-boy peep show, utter exhaustion, revival, sex, much more voyeurism, new friends, oops dropped my phone in the Wild Turkey, sex, brunch, parade, old friends, party, more parade, more utter exhaustion, more sex, *dies* *iz ded* Now I am sad because Grey has left on a two-and-a-half-week vacation to the East Coast, but happy because we got to have the world's best weekend first. Here we are right before Sunday's parade:

He Got His AARP Letter

Happy 50th birthday, Chris! May your next 50 years be even happier, more productive, and weirder, and may I be able to share them with you.

Decadence

Thanks for all the great feedback on yesterday's entry. Every bit of it was helpful, but yeah, what it basically boils down to is "If they don't like it, fuck 'em." Which is pretty much the way I've always tried to live. Someone recently said to me that my new philosophy of life seems to be "U MAD, BRO?" This was not intended as a compliment, but the more I think about it, the more I think I could do a lot worse.

I don't know how much I'll be around for the next few days, as I'm not just heading into my first Southern Decadence as an out gay man, but plunging into it with abandon. Sigh. As recently as a month ago, I thought I had purged myself of all physical vanity. Now I own a pair of leather shorts. LEATHER SHORTS, Y'ALL. And I spent hours yesterday agonizing about whether I should get the Calvin Klein cologne or the Gaultier. As Chris said, "If Freddie Mercury listened to Barbra Streisand while having buttsex on Fire Island, that still wouldn't be gayer than you."

ETA: Just started making a list of things to pack for Decadence, since I'm going to be downtown pretty much all weekend, and it made me laugh. Slightly TMI, perhaps.


Strap-on
Diet Coke
Outfits
Phone charger
Pot
Toiletries/meds
Strobe light

Poly Question

So, polyamorous people. I knew I'd have questions, and here is the first one I could use some help with.

Last night I took Grey (my boyfriend, whom I introduced a few posts ago) to one of my favorite restaurants. Chris and I eat there a lot, and the staff knows both of us, but especially Chris since he's in the business. Grey and I were sitting at our table holding hands as we looked at the menu. The maitre d' (who hadn't seated us, but came in a little later) started to greet me, then looked aback and gave me what I at least imagined was a cold stare.

I managed to say hello to him later, in hopes that he would see I was being open about the whole thing, but ... how do you handle situations like this with the maximum respect for everyone involved? I don't want to go around explaining "Oh, we're poly now" to every casual acquaintance who sees me with Grey, and they probably don't really want to hear about it anyway. But I also don't want to look as if I'm sneaking around on Chris; the idea is repellent to me. I don't particularly care what random people think of me, but I do care if they think Chris is being hurt or disrespected when he isn't.

I did briefly try to explain our new relationship status to one person who saw me out with Grey, but that person is a friend, not an acquaintance, and we were in a noisy bar and I'm not sure he got it anyway. At least he's gay and possibly acquainted with such things (though I know this is by no means a given).

Input is much appreciated.

Six Years Out

I was perfectly OK until I looked at the calendar. Then I got a tremor in my hands and my legs felt decidedly noodle-ish.

But, you know, it's good to be able to forget about a terrible anniversary until you look at the calendar. It's good to be six years out and, though changed forever, moving on. I'm going to spend today running ordinary, boring errands and being thankful that I can. To those on the East Coast who can't, my thoughts are still with you and I hope things will get better soon.

Here's a journal entry I wrote last week but couldn't post for unspecified technical reasons.

**************************************************************************************************

Aaaaaand of course having a social life sometimes brings teh suck. The other night, I had the displeasure of meeting one of the most offensive humans I've ever encountered. Among other charming behavior, he:

A) Asked me how big my boobs were before I started transition.

B) Made a joke about how he needed a cane too, maybe even a power scooter because he was "more crippled" than me (he was 18 and totally able-bodied).

C) Uttered the always dread-inducing phrase "I'm not racist, but ... " and (of course) proceeded to say horribly racist things, including the actual N-word.

So I created a time/reality warp and took him to the Quarter during the era when Jay Byrne and Andrew Compton from Exquisite Corpse were still having a gay old time there. I didn't even think he was particularly cute, but they seemed pleased to have him. "Don't be as nice to him as you were to Tran," I said, "and do let me know if there was in fact a brain inside that skull. I'm curious." I haven't heard from them yet, so they're probably still having fun with him.

Bad Memories

I'm having trouble reading my friends list because so many of you are in the path of this terrible storm and it brings back all the memories. And I'm feeling like a shitheel because if you are actually going through it, I should damn well be capable of reading about it. My thoughts, prayers, and slack are with you all.

Everybody knows the obvious things to stock up on: water (fill your bathtubs), canned goods, pet food, gas, flashlights, medications. One thing that may not be obvious, and that we desperately needed after Katrina and the federal levee failure, was CASH. Most ATMs weren't working, and most of the stores that were open at all couldn't take credit or debit cards for several days. Also, if you have a land line, get a non-cordless phone to plug into it. These worked for many of us when power was still out and cellular networks were down.

Be as safe as you can.

Life Is Good

I'm sorry, I know this word is going to make some of you puke.

But I feel blessed.

There's no other word that seems adequate. In late 2007, I was a pain-crazed, chronically depressed addict who literally decided to stay alive for a little longer only because I really wanted to read Duma Key. (It was worth it, in my opinion -- one of my favorite King novels of all time.) I hated my body because it was the wrong body and it hurt me all the time. My family was the other thread that got me through this time, but Chris was working for assholes and my mother lived in a horrible little town 75 miles away. Now she lives next door to me and has just bought the house across the street. One of my dearest friends also lives on our block. Chris co-owns a restaurant that has been successful beyond his wildest dreams, and his dreams were pretty wild. The physical pain is still there and sometimes very intense, but it seems better since I went to Amsterdam back in August, as if those two THC-sponsored nearly-pain-free weeks allowed my damaged nervous system to reset itself a bit. I've been presenting as male for over a year and have been on testosterone since June 20. I already feel it has helped me more than any other medication I've ever used. Most excitingly, I have a wonderful sexy handsome smart talented kind new boyfriend, Grey, my first lover who has ever known me only as a gay man. He's introducing me to many, many facets of local gay life that I've never been able to experience before. I'm not sneaking around on Chris, mind you; he will always be my life partner, but for now, he wants to devote almost all his time and considerable energy to his restaurant and agrees that I need someone else in my life. Soon after I met Grey, Chris could see how happy I was and told me, "I'm so proud to see you returning to the world." He truly has one of the most generous hearts I've ever encountered.

(He'd be free to mess around too, of course, if he wanted to. I doubt he will, as his energies just don't run in that direction lately, but if you're at the Green Goddess, feel free to flirt with him. ;-) )

Oh God. I never use emoticons in real writing. I am truly giddy. And blessed. I feel more like going to church than I have in months, just because I am so fucking grateful for all this.

Stupid LJ Questions

What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Submitted By lady_anna

View 849 Answers

"This isn't going to sound like a good compliment, but you totally fuck like a man."