Diana Pharaoh Francis's Blog, page 2

My Orycon Schedule (November 2023)

This is my draft itinerary for Orycon, AKA my stalker schedule if you want to stalk me. I plan to have at least some books with me for sale at my signing. 

Orycon 43

Itinerary for Pharaoh Francis, Diana (Diana Pharaoh Francis)

Moderators in Bold

Workshop: Blue Pencil Edit & Critique

Pendleton

Fri Nov 10 4:00pm – 4:50pm

Professional editors provide 10 minute response sessions. 3-4 page submissions due by November 10 at orycon.org/workshops. Choose a sample that represents your best current style written in the last year. 5 slots open per available editor.

David Boop, Jennifer Brozek, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Wendy N. Wagner

Intro to Contemporary Publishing

Pendleton

Fri Nov 10 5:00pm – 5:50pm

The world of publishing has been changing drastically in the last decade and can be very confusing for new writers. Hear about the basics of modern publishing as well as the many options available to today’s writers. Learn the difference between traditional, indie, hybrid, and self-publishing, along with the advantages and disadvantages of each.

Diana Pharaoh Francis, Irene Radford, Dave Smeds, D.L. Solum, Wurts, Janny

Self Transformative Work

White Stag

Fri Nov 10 6:00pm – 6:50pm

How do you conceptualize or reflect on work that hits you hard enough to change who you are and how you think? When should you recognize change and lean into it? Share your experience with powerful creative moments that feel life changing!

K.G. (Karen) Anderson, Diana Pharaoh Francis, G.R. Theron

Pushing Past Blocks

White Stag

Sat Nov 11 10:00am – 10:50am

Are you staring at a blank page praying words or drawings appear, or despairing over stagnation? Creative blocks are amplified by their stigma and shame. How do you find the source of your block and treat it?

Luke Elliott, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Christopher Sebela, Dale Ivan Smith

Diana Pharaoh Francis Reading

Flanders

Sat Nov 11 11:00am – 11:25am

Diana Pharaoh Francis reads from her works.

Diana Pharaoh Francis

The Lost Histories

Jantzen

Sat Nov 11 3:00pm – 3:50pm

If history is written by the winners, what happens to the losers’ stories, language, and culture? Are they doomed to disappear as living memory fades away and the unpreserved knowledge of these things is lost?

Alma Alexander, Judith R. Conly, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Joy Ward

Disaster Preparation

Pettygrove

Sat Nov 11 5:00pm – 5:50pm

Nature often throws us curve balls: pandemics, earthquakes, wildfires, tsunamis, volcano eruptions, and so forth. What can we do to prepare for disasters?

Hugh S. Gregory, Pat Luther, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Debora Godfrey

Bad Ways to Hustle

Pettygrove

Sat Nov 11 6:00pm – 6:50pm

Sure, it’s important to have an “elevator pitch” and conventions are a great way to network! But, there are methods that don’t work too and are likely to cancel the deal instead of seal it. Learn from our experts on the best and worst ways to hustle your story!

K.G. (Karen) Anderson, Bob Brown, Charish, Kristi, Frog Jones, Diana Pharaoh Francis

Manuscript Preparation

This one is tentative and likely will change.

Pendleton

Sat Nov 11 8:00pm – 8:50pm

A pretty manuscript doesn’t always cut it. You need to follow the guidelines in order to make editors happy. Learn the subtle art of manuscript prep and let’s talk about cover letters too.

Brian U. Garrison, Frog Jones, Susan R. Matthews, Diana Pharaoh Francis

Autograph Session 6

Ballroom Foyer

Sun Nov 12 11:00am – 11:50am

Bring stuff to get it signed.

Maitz, Don, Diana Pharaoh Francis, Irene Radford, Erica L. Satifka

SFWA Business Meeting

Pendleton

Sun Nov 12 12:00pm – 12:50pm

Business Meeting for SFWA

Walt Boyes, Laura Anne Gilman, Susan R. Matthews, Diana Pharaoh Francis

Tuesday Things

I have been having such a hard time writing. In fact, I’ve been stuck in entropy. I don’t want to do anything at all, to be accurate. So in order to get out of entropy, I’ve been attacking house tasks because those are the things you can break into smaller tasks and say to yourself: I’ll just do this one thing, but then you usually end up doing more. The same applies to words. I’ll just write ten words, but usually end up with a lot more. If not, you still got ten words done.

So I’ve gotten through some serious decluttering and cleaning of areas where stuff tends to pile up because they are convenient. But unfortunately I have more to do. I really want to clear off one particular surface and while I’ve minimized it, I still haven’t got rid of it all. I’m also working on throwing stuff away (I say that, but really it’s throw away stuff that can be, and donate or offer up to the free FB pages I belong to, but throw away is just short hand). I have actually thrown away a fair number of things that are not donatable or give-awayable.

I also made four pans of enchilada lasagne, two of which went into the freezer, the small one of which we ate tonight, and the last one will be tomorrow. I love this stuff. It’s wholly my own made up recipe and so yummy. And no, I’ve never written it down. I should maybe.

My daughter’s been having tummy issues for awhile. I’m wondering if it’s IBS. It involves both ends. Anyhow, she has a doctor’s appointment down the road, but still, she’s unhappy. I’ve got her taking probiotics and keeping a food/sickness journal in the hopes that will help us understand or find patterns. She seems to do pretty well with Rice Roni, so she’s been eating that. Poor kiddo.

I had a shot in my foot today. it’s been going numb and feels really weird. Turns out it’s probably an inflamed something or other and that’s putting pressure on the nerves, so steroid shot to the rescue. Here’s hoping that works.

The above photo is of Merlin and his comfort ball. He likes to chew it, but also just park his face with it in his mouth and go to sleep. It’s disgusting, vile, slobbery, and gross. But it’s his comfort ball so I wash the blankets after he slobbers on them.

I have one pair of Bombas socks. I really love them. I cannot justify the expense of buying them, however. But wow, they are noticeably more comfortable. It’s bizarre.

I posted an ask me anything about writing post on Patreon today.  Looking forward to getting some questions.

My favorite online time-waster is Am I the Asshole. I just can’t stop. Sigh.

I am thinking of watching a reality show like Housewives of wherever they come from, in order to see if I can hear interesting things to include in my writing. Some things you can’t come up on your own. I tend to go evesdropping, but haven’t been able to recently.

I’m working on an edit for someone, and I’m looking forward to telling you about her book when it comes out. It’s fun.

I started playing disc golf and finding it quite fun. I don’t know that I”ll get good at it ever, but I do enjoy it. There are a lot more courses around than I thought. I found a state campground that has a 27 hole course. Thinking of taking the trailer there. It’s on a river, too, so should be pretty.

Because of things going on in life (read elder care stuff mostly) we haven’t been camping in a year. Holy crap. We bought the trailer in the hopes of going at least once a month.

I’m getting ready to put together my newsletter. Did I mention Putting the Chic in Psychic and Putting the Ice in Nice are both out? I will talk more about writing later. I hope all of your are doing grand and that this post isn’t too random.

Love you all! XOXO

Di

Bug Bites at a Wedding

Now that could be a good book title. Bug Bites at a Wedding. Ever notice that there are no were-bugs out there really? Or spiders? Shellfish? Most fish, really, when you get down to it. Maybe whales and dolphins, but never any pufferfish or jellyfish. Why is that? Someone should write those. I’m not sure I could do it without a whole lot of silliness, but maybe. Maybe maybe maybe.

Last week I went to my niece’s wedding. It was lovely. We took my mom down and that was an adventure of the eldercare variety, but we all got home okay, so it’s good. Anyhow, it was hot. HOT. On Wednesday there was a post-rehearsal lunch at a winery and yes, I did bring home wine. I’ll have to show you one of their labels. Ack! I just looked and I didn’t get a bottle with that label! I’ll see if I can find one and make it the picture for this post. The label is lovely gallows humor with dead people and murder and a guy hanging in the gallows. Okay, I’ve set the image. There are people in graves and dead cows, but the whole picture I couldn’t get. It’s Matchbox Wine Company in Zamora, California.

The lunch was fabulous, as was the setting. They had misters going (yay!) and we drank wine and ate mini tacos fresh made, and I got to meet the groom’s family and friends and get reacquainted with the bride’s side (my Sister-in-law’s side).

The next day was the wedding at this lovely bed and breakfast with its own outdoor bar and dining, and a renovated historic house, a really cool old square tower, a building for dancing (and rain) and a gorgeous outdoor garden and koi pond. There were pictures, then the wedding, then more pictures and drinks and food, most of which was grown locally, and toasts, and all the good stuff. Except. It turns out there were mosquitoes. Now these bug repellant wipes were provided (that smelled something awful) and I put the stuff on once I realized I was getting bitten.

I had no idea.

I got eaten alive and never have I had bug bites like this. Holy shit it was bad and I spent this week down

ing benadryl and some other allergy medicine and slathering myself with calamine lotion. You have to see. I will show you. Keep in mind these pictures are a whole week AFTER the bites. Ooof. Just talking about it makes me itchy.  I mean, look at those bites and they don’t even show the breadth of them.

The positive side was that it cooled off and rained while we were gone. On the way down the smoke was terrible, but on the way back, we could breathe.

The dogs were happy we hadn’t abandoned them forever, though of course they remember it as forever and think we are criminals for being so evil as to abandon them forever. Dog logic. It’s a thing.

now I just have to get back on the work horse, get caught up on all the things, and oh, yes, do my annual physical this Friday. (this is where I stick a finger in my throat and make gagging sounds). I expect the doc will be very impressed by my bites and less impressed with other things. As she is wont to be.

Today is the giant boy’s birthday, so off to gather up the family and have dinner and prezzies and hopefully not itch myself to death. Why did I have to talk about that? My fingernails itch now!

Oh, and our boy giant has got us starting to play disc golf, which turns out to be quite fun, albeit humiliating at moments. Just like regular golf.

Hope all of you are doing great! And don’t forget that Putting the Ice in Nice is coming out in a week, AND you can preorder, AND you can read the first chapter.

XOXO

Di

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Book and New Tattoos

Putting the Chic in Psychic is out and hopefully people are liking it. I always hit this point of walking around sort of waving my hands around helplessly as I wait to hear from readers. It’s excessively silly and nerve wracking. I feel like I should be doing some sort of promo thing, but honestly I’m clueless. Also I need to take my 88 year old mother to my niece’s wedding in a week. It’s a 10 hour drive, we’ll go down on Monday and come back Friday, and it’s going to be fucking hot. Or under water, depending if Hilary makes it that far up the central valley of California. My hubby is coming with. The dogs are going to be unhappy. Except for seeing my niece get married, I’d rather go camping. I haven’t gone in over a year. And also, my mom has become exceedingly forgetful, so there’s that.

I’m listening to Elle King’s America’s Sweetheart. Please listen to it. It’s fun.

Here’s a secret guilty pleasure: Sister Wives. I hate Kody and am looking forward to watching his exes finally call him on his shit. I also started watching Shelter and I like it.

I got new tattoos. I mentioned this. I am now providing pictures. The jack rabbit is hard to get a picture of. Sorry. Above it is a crow. I like them a lot. They are still healing, though.

That’s about it. Love you guys.

On So Many Topics and Some May Be Coherent

I’ve lots to say and some of it may be coherent. I am going to talk on so many topics. I’m feeling like I’m going to hit you with all sorts of the non sequitur sorts of thoughts. Like shaking out my brain and letting stuff fall over the blog in whatever order it comes out. Some of it not safe for… Well, I think my featured image is the last word on that. Which I find fucking hilarious, but the way. My dogs do that butthole thing.

Speaking of buttholes, I went to this little market last week. It’s called the Market of the Strange and mostly it has stuff that I love. Fantasy, anime, manga, SF, crafty things, and so on. Reminds me of the Dealers Room at a convention. We wander through (me, my daughter, my son, and his fiance) and in the back is the area demarcated as potentially having adult items. We wander back there and there’s some nudity in some art, and some penis perfume bottles and that sort of thing. We reach this one table with blown glass. It’s got some jewelry and paperweights and a whole bunch of very cool glass pipes and bongs. The last ones were quirky and fun. They also had two butt plugs. Big ones. Well, if you asked me, but I’m not an expert. At all.

Now my first inclination was to explain what they were to my daughter. I didn’t. She never likes to know this stuff. I mean, I told her about it later because I can only bite my tongue so long. She’s 19, btw, and she lives with me so she should not be shocked by anything that comes out of my mouth, except maybe me saying “I don’t want chocolate,” or “I love to eat fish.” I bought a couple of pendants and moved on to the next booth, which was Bondage and dom sorts of stuff. So leather covered handcuffs, soft and hard flails and other whips, paddles, and so on. I wasn’t allowed to stay long. Daughter was moving fast and dragging me with her. But I did happen to notice a pony tail. It had a giant wooden nob on it to keep it in the person’s butt. By giant, I believe it was the size of a baseball but slightly oval.

Walking away from these booths, I had questions. First: does anybody really buy these sorts of toys at an open market like this? I can kinda see the handcuffs and stuff, but the pony tail? And the butt plugs? I also had to wonder how one cleans the wooden nob and the dowel it was attached to. Can that even be made sanitary? And I was reminded of a colleague in Montana who discussed loudly at a party her glass dildos that she washed in the dishwasher and made crochet cozies for. And yes, I plan to use that in a story soon. Very soon. Keep reading Everyday Disasters.

My daughter has been diagnosed with autism and probably as ADHD. This explains a lot and we’re looking to get her into counseling and working to better help her navigate life and have her teach us more about herself. My therapist calls it neurospicy. This is one of my favorite terms ever. Daughter also had her first job interview ever, and that was exciting. Keep your fingers crossed that she hears positive news soon.

Been painting horses some and selling a few. Thinking of maybe taking some to Orycon, but they aren’t going to have a traditional Art Show, so not sure. Also, did anybody else notice it’s fucking hot? I get hot flashes and they unhappily coincide with hot weather. Do. Not. Like. I’m a heat wimp. Once upon a time I spent more time in hot weather and was better at it, but not anymore.

I read Am I the Asshole on Reddit. I find myself unfortunately entertained all too often. Like when I read today about a guy who forced his wife into an open marriage (threatened to leave her and their child and their marriage and go have flings so she agreed in the hopes of saving her marriage) and while he managed to find dates, couldn’t get laid (the whole purpose was to get laid because neither husband nor wife had ever experienced other people since they were each other’s firsts). He also kept talking about dating, wanting to date, wanting screw other women, and she kept telling him she didn’t want to hear it, but he would not shut up. She didn’t date, and then finally a friend or her sister, I forget, suggested she should, she also went on Tinder and got a date.

She and the guy hit it off and they went out a couple more times and then slept together. And he was good in bed, giving her four orgasm in one night. She thought she didn’t really orgasm much because she didn’t with her husband, and she was excited to see the guy again. She gets home and her husband asks if she slept with someone and when she says yes, he flips his gourd and says that because he hadn’t slept with someone else, she was cheating, and then he got pouty and tantrumy. I was totally delighted with the situation because he was a total prick and expected her to just put up with him fucking other women and she wouldn’t do any other men, only to find that women don’t want him and she had GREAT sex with another guy. This also will go into a book.

I think that Am I the Asshole is great research for coming up character situations. Just saying.

I got two new tattoos. They aren’t done healing yet, but I’ll get pictures soon. One is a Jackrabbit with blackberries, the other is words that say: To Strive, to Seek, To Find, and Not to Yield (It’s the last line from “Ulysses,” a poem by Tennyson). I actually wanted a lot more, but yanno, didn’t fit, so I’ll share:

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’We are not now that strength which in old daysMoved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;One equal temper of heroic hearts,Made weak by time and fate, but strong in willTo strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

There’s more to shake out of my head, but time for me to attack my current book again. I have no plot and I’m just making shit up. Hopefully it will be good shit.

Putting the Chic in Psychic releases this week! And Putting the Ice in Nice comes in September! I can’t wait to hear what you think! Unless you hate them, in which case, I can wait.

I need popcorn. I’m in a serious popcorn mood. As are the dogs. They love when I make popcorn. I share.

 

 

 

Brought to you by an ACDC earworm

I couldn’t help myself. I keep wanting to make little ad images for this bundle. Did you get yours yet?

Newsletter: Epic Elves Story Bundle and Preorder Putting the Chic in Psychic

Epic Elves Story Bundle Choose what to Pay! My novel, The Elf Job, is in this bundle, and as you can see, there are nine other FABULOUS books you can get. This is a limited time offer, so check it out soon and spread the word! Tell all your reader friends and post about it. Step into ten worlds of magic and legend, where the elves you thought you knew are wonderfully reimagined by top authors in the fantasy field.

Elves have been a staple of fantasy since the first fairytales were told, and through the years authors have imagined and re-imagined these magical beings. This collection is no exception. StoryBundle is thrilled to offer these ten stunning and creative takes on elves, serving up the unexpected (Mafia elves! Western elves!) along with classic fairytale retellings and sweeping fantasy worlds, all the while ringing the familiar tropes of pointy ears and perilous magic.

 

The titles in this bundle range from secondary worlds filled with enchantment and danger to the gritty streets of urban cities. Mighty warrior-mage elf princes stride the hushed halls of their glittering palaces, witchy heroines make unfortunate bargains with treacherous modern elves, and half-elf teens try to hide in plain sight in dusty backwoods towns.

 

Whether you’re looking for classic, morally ambiguous Dark Elves, holiday sprites who create mischievous havoc, or reckless teens wishing they could reject their powers and pointed ears, every tale here will make you nod in recognition. Like a kaleidoscope, as you turn the virtual pages through these books, the shifting stories will reveal different facets of the elves. But one thing is certain – wee or mighty, hero or villain – they are all epic.

LATEST NEWSIn other BIG NEWS,  Putting the Chic in Psychic  is now up for preorder on almost all your favorite sites (BN is still pending for reasons unknown). There will be a print version available.

 

This is the second book in the Everyday Disasters series and follows  Putting the Fun in Funeral . It was previously published in Dirty Deeds II, so if you bought it then, it’s the same. If you want a stand-alone copy, or if you want a print copy, you can preorder the ebook and it and the print book will release August 15, 2023.

 

Putting the Ice in Nice  will release in December. I’ll let you know when preorders go up on it.

A Review of One Wolf Next Door

Hello Everybody! I sometimes do some reviews of books I get off Netgalley. To be honest, I only do those I can say something good about because I don’t like tearing down another author’s book publicly unless I am taking a lesson from it.

The book I’m talking about today is One Wolf Next Door by Efthalia. I have to start by saying that’s a cool name. It just is fun. And it looks nice on the cover. I will also mention that my Everyday Disasters books use the same cover model. I’m not saying that biases me, but she’s an awful cool model. Anyhow, moving along.

One Wolf Next Door is Urban Fantasy romance. You have wolves and witches and vampires living in a world of human where human are unaware that magical beings walk among them. Our main character, Sam, is a ‘defective’ witch. She’s also a florist. She’s defective, in her words, because when she casts spells they don’t work. They usually cause some kind of minor mayhem. I have to pause here and say that Sam does twitch her nose to make her magic work. Yes, just like Samantha on Bewitched. I’m taking it as homage to the show. It also, yet again, made me try to figure out how to actually twitch my nose, making me look silly while I failed utterly.

Dex is the titular wolf next door. He’s Sam’s relatively new neighbor and of course he’s gorgeous and kind of Alpha-y, and upon seeing her, realizes she his mate. Okay, another pause here. I usually hate fated mate tropes because it leaves nobody any choice and what if you end up with a psycho as a mate? (I have thoughts about a very dark story involving that scenario, but I doubt I’ll write it because yeah, dark). In this case, Efthalia treats the situation lightly with both being in agreement, and while things move quickly, there’s definite consent all around.

The plot revolves around someone trying to kill Sam for reasons unknown and Dex (who’s a retired member of a paranormal policing organization) helping capture the person and protecting Sam, and Sam figuring out she’s not as detective as she thought.

The book comes to a satisfactory closing, but also sets up the next book in a good hooky, but not terribly cliffhangery way. Kudos there.

First let me say the book is a fairly short and super fast read and doesn’t have a lot of meatiness. It’s a beach read, which is perfect for me right now. The plot is fast without much by way of subplots. You’ve got the question of who’s trying to kill Sam and why, and then you’ve got the romance. This isn’t a tortured romance, but two people happy to get acquainted and having banging sex and both being delighted with one another. No personal angsty-ness between them, which I found refreshingly pleasing. It’s just nice to see people meeting and lighting up for each other and having it go well.

We’ve got a few ensemble cast members who are fun and that makes me happy because I’m fond of ensemble casts. We’ve got some fighting action and a fairly shallow and stereotypical villain, but I’m okay with that. I don’t need to have deep angsty-ness about him.

If you’re looking for a breezy and happy read with some action and the good guys winning, this is definitely a good book to pick up. Grab your soda (or daquiri) and sit back in your lounge chair (couch or bed) and enjoy!

New Stuff on Patreon

I want to drop this in here really quickly in case you want to be there for the Zoom call:

I finished a flash piece on Patreon and will be hosting a writing Zoom call on Thursday, April 20, at 5:00 for all my patrons. If you’re interested in being there and supporting me on Patreon, check me out https://www.patreon.com/dpfrancis

The featured image is a picture of a rose from last year. My tulip tree is blooming! I’ll take pictures one more than one bloom opens. It’s all covered with them.

Flights of Foundry Free Conference

Flights of Foundry is an international conference that takes places twenty-four hours a day so  no matter what time zone you’re in, there’s something good for you to experience. I participated last year and have a number of panels this year and I’m running a first chapter workshop.

This is a really nice time converter

This is my schedule:

Organizing Freelance LifeHow to balance looking for new clients, tracking where you are with the work you have, sending invoices, tracking how you get paid, and everything else.Maria Picone
Diana Francis
Kate MaruyamaCody Sisco4/14/2023 8:00pm UTC (1 pm Pacific Time)4/14/2023 9:00pm UTCExceptional Endings: Making your Story Linger After it’s OverEverything in your story has led up to this crucial moment: The final confrontation, reveal, or moment of character growth. How do you make the reader feel the story has reached its rightful conclusion? Panelists will discuss what makes a great ending, and how to make those final scenes stay with readers long after they’re done reading.Sarah Gailey
Eugenia Triantafyllou
Sarah PinskerDiana Francis4/16/2023 8:00pm UTC (1pm Pacific Time)4/16/2023 9:00pm UTCFirst Chapter workshopSix writers are invited to participate in a workshop focused on the first chapters of their novels. All six writers will submit their chapters in advance, reach each others’ chapters in advance, and
come to the workshop prepared to discuss what works and what doesn’t in each opening chapter and how each writer might improve their work. This workshop will involve both positive
and negative feedback, so be prepared to hear both. It’s never easy to hear the negative, but the goal will be to help you improve your work.

The workshop will last three hours. For the first half hour, we will introduce ourselves discuss the rules of the workshop and what a first chapter should do. The next two hours we’ll spend twenty minutes each on the six submitted chapters. We’ll make sure to have a break or two as well. We’ll close with a question and answer session.

Diana Francis4/15/2023 8:00pm UTC (1pm Pacific Time)4/15/2023 11:00pm UTCWorkshopBarter VS Pay: When is Trading Not FairThe creative community thrives trading favors – crit swaps, technique tutorials, and more. But a crit swap doesn’t pay the rent and some labor takes more of a toll (in time, emotional energy, or resources) than others. How do you navigate those instances, establish boundaries, and set value on your work? And when is giving away a “favor” doing yourself a service?Erik Grove
Brandon Crilly
Diana FrancisGayathri Kamath4/16/2023 6:00pm UTC (11 am pacific time)4/16/2023 7:00pm UTCPanelCare and Feeding of the Editorial Brain & BodyHave you hydrated recently? These panelists will discuss their tips and tricks for protecting joints, eyesight, stamina, and enthusiasm as an editor. How do you complete a massive copy editing project on a tight deadline without wrecking yourself? What do you do to recover after, and how do you know whether you should?Wendy Van Camp
Neil Clarke
Diana FrancisDawn Vogel4/16/2023 9:00pm UTC (2pm Pacific Time)4/16/2023 10:00pm UTCPanelReadingDiana Francis4/17/2023 2:00am UTC (7 pm Pacific Time)4/17/2023 3:00am UTC