Shannon Ables's Blog, page 301
February 16, 2016
Style Inspiration: NYFW Street Style
The streets in New York City are a bit more stylish as of late as the fashion community flooded Lincoln Center and other facilities to observe the newest fall 2016 collections from designers. While not all designers are making you wait until August to shop their wares, Rebecca Minkoff for example is showing her spring 2016 collection again and Diane von Furstenberg immediately offered a handful of slips seen on her runway for sale on her website, the fashion continues to be seen not only on the runway but on the streets as well.
~STYLE INSPIRATION posts from the Archives:
Images: (0) (1) (2) (3)(4) (5) (6) (7) (8) see more at Refinery29 and Racked
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February 15, 2016
18 Red Flags to Pay Attention To In Relationships
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #89
“The best gift we can give ourselves when we aren’t in the relationship we want, should that be what we desire, is to not be in the wrong relationship.”
Often it seems easier to spot the strengths and weaknesses of a relationship when we are on the outside and have the benefit of objectivity as we are not the ones actually in the relationship. And while this is a perceptive skill to possess, it can be ironic how we cannot often see these said strengths and weaknesses in our own pairings. But that doesn’t mean it is not possible. Much like anything we wish to be successful at, it takes conscious awareness, a willingness to learn and from time to time, first-hand experience and initial failed attempts to learn valuable lessons.
Believe it or not, the relationships that didn’t work out can offer their own long-lasting gifts in our present as we go about building new, lasting, loving and supportive relationships. In fact, the biggest gift may be stepping away from a relationship prior to any emotional attachment when we realize it was not going to be a better path for us.
We can prevent much heartbreak, devastation and unnecessary pain by heeding glaring red flags and recognizing that we need to refrain from ignoring them. Not all red flags speak negatively of the person we are beginning to get to know. For example, simply because someone’s values are different from your own or perspective on life is not in align with yours simply means an intimate relationship might not be the best path should you both want a vibrant, fulfilling future together. Let them go. Let yourself move on. But when a red flag reveals their true character that is something that would crush the vibrant person that you are, move on as of yesterday.
Before I dive into the 18 red flags that we should not take lightly, let me preface by saying the more obvious red flags are not listed: physical abuse, cheating, etc. Also, noticing red flags doesn’t happen necessarily on the first date, or even the second or third. Be patient. Get to know them without committing, and in some cases, don’t assume something is a red flag when maybe they’re being guarded because they don’t know you yet either. Keeping in mind that none of us is perfect and that we are all capable of growth should we wish to pursue it, the key is to respect yourself and the life you have created as well as the life you want to live enough to walk away when something is telling you to take notice before proceeding any further.
Below are 18 red flags to not only notice, but respect as a warning to move on.
1. Sense of humor that is hurtful
The question often comes up on dating blogs, “What if our humors don’t match?”. Is this a red flag? Not necessarily. Granted, often someone with a sense of humor is more attractive, but simply because you see different things as funny, doesn’t mean you should bail. However, if their humor is a direct result of seeing other people, animals or things suffer or embarrassed, then yes, this is a red flag worth respecting. Stay with the person who makes you laugh or allows you to feel comfortable being yourself so you can be your goofy self, but know the difference between hurtful humor and playful humor.
2. They are amazed that you could like them
Sometimes when we’re just gaining our self-confidence or are rebounding from a blow to our self-esteem, we can be tempted to be thrilled when anyone pays us attention. Move past this, and move past this quickly. Why? Often we are so self-conscious that we aren’t paying attention to who is truly standing in front of us, our date. And if by date three or week two, your date tells you they can’t believe you would be with someone like them, nine times out of 10, that’s a sign that you haven’t been paying close enough attention. This may sound snobby, but trust me, it isn’t. People will reveal their truths to you if you pay attention, and often this statement is said in complete sincerity, an unguarded moment. While such a comment may sound like flattery, take a moment and get to know them better.
3. They don’t respect your boundaries
In a post shared last month on trust, one of the key components to developing trust with someone is if they respect your boundaries. Sometimes we have to state our boundaries and sometimes it is understood unless we say otherwise. For example, if you share with them that you need some time alone or are exhausted after a long week and just want to stay home, yet they ignore your wishes and intrude or make plans for you to go out, these are examples of ignoring your boundaries. These may seem like simple over-steps, and if it is the first time, sure. But if happens repeatedly, they aren’t respecting what you need.
4. An ex (or exes) is still in the picture and children aren’t involved
Mentioning of the exes is a benign event and expected eventually in a relationship; however, heed to what degree the ex (or exes) are mentioned. Most of us have exes, so we’re not talking about sharing your past which is completely expected, but if they still have a relationship with them, determine what type of a relationship it is: friendly, respectful, or best-buds? What role does the ex have in their life? What role then do you have in their life? Why hasn’t the ex moved on? While this isn’t an immediate red flag, perhaps you can have a conversation with your partner, but as you move forward ensure that whatever their role is, if any, you are truly comfortable with it and feel respected.
5. They impose guilt when they don’t get what they want or you don’t act they way they prefer
The imposition of guilt is a weak man’s way of communicating. The key to a healthy relationship, any healthy relationship, is clear, honest, thoughtful conversation. Someone who is tossing around guilt is trying to manipulate your behavior. It could be a comment they say in passing about if you really liked me you’d stop being friends with her or it may reveal itself in the form of passive aggressive behavior, i.e. the silent treatment. Either way, they aren’t communicating what they want in an adult fashion, and unless they want to change, they aren’t going to because this behavior has clearly worked for them in the past if they are still doing it.
6. Lack of direction
Perhaps you’ve heard of it, the Peter Pan syndrome. If the person you are dating appears to have not grown up or doesn’t have a desire to be a grown-up who is responsible for their life without reliance on mom and dad, you may have met your very own Peter Pan. Now, rest assured, there are female Peter Pans as well, there just doesn’t seem to be a name that is as well-suited.
7. They need a relationship and anyone will do
Relationship hoppers. Those people who don’t know what it’s like to be alone because they really never have been. Everyone’s time between relationships will be different for a myriad of reasons, but when you find someone who is ready to jump into a relationship, back up a step and find out why. If it feels like they have a canned speech or first-date routine, if their personality or friendliness comes across as insincere, or if they really don’t want to get to know you, they just want you to like them, put this relationship on pause permanently.
8. You are their only means to happiness
With time, a healthy relationship will find you spending more and more of your time with your partner, but each of you should be independent, secure beings, capable of enjoying life’s moments from time to time without each other, truly enjoying these moments on your own. The co-dependency often provides us with security and stability when the relationship begins because we are uncertain about where the relationship stands, but in the long run, this type of relationship isn’t healthy. You must be secure with yourself, enjoy your own company, and they themselves if you are to enjoy a life together. Every one’s amount of time they will need or want to themselves will be different, but be sure to cultivate your own life before you settle down with someone else.
9. Differing life values
As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, simply because you have different values, perhaps religion, stark differences in understanding when it comes to politics or the direction you want your future to take (kids, no kids, etc.) doesn’t mean they are bad people, or something is wrong with you. It just means, this isn’t someone to begin a long-term relationship with.
10. Rather than support you in your goals, they want to improve you for their benefit
As discussed in last week’s episode, there are five love languages, and one of them is “words of praise”. When we encourage our partner to be the best they can be, we may not understand why they want to do what they are doing, we may not understand how it will be possible, but we do need to support and encourage them. It is not our partner’s job to change us, fix us and assist us in improving so they are happier with us. We are not objects, but rather someone who needs a partner. Do not allow someone to see you has an object or a project.
11. Things said in confidence are shared with others
Speaking of building trust, whether it is something we share with a confidant or our romantic partner, if we share something we understand is to be kept between the two people in the room and that promise is violated, trust cannot be built. Sometimes the first time is a mistake, a misunderstanding, and at that time, communication, clear communication needs to take place. But if it happens again, see their behavior as a red flag and move on.
12. They have more than one friend who has troubling values
Sometimes the people we date are friends with someone who is going through a hard time. After all, we all have ups and downs, and being a good friend involves hanging in there. But if their friends behaviors, more than one, tend to be troubling to you and your way of life, take a step back and ask yourself why is this person friends with these types of people? While we aren’t expecting to love their friends as they do, we do need to see what type of relationships they surround themselves with, as it speaks to what they are comfortable with.
13. They latch on quickly, too quickly
Similar to #7, this person is quick to latch on to you and your life. They quickly assimilate to your world without hesitation, and often after close inspection it may become apparent they don’t have much going on in their own life: goals, dreams, projects, etc. Choose someone who loves the life they are living, and you will have a happy relationship. Choose someone who loves your life, and co-dependency or at the very least, an unequal relationship, will begin to foster.
14. Your only attraction is the physical
These types of relationships are excusable when we are young and don’t understand the chemicals rushing around our body when we observe someone who absorbs our attention without saying a word. Now, this is not to say we shouldn’t have some chemistry with a person; we absolutely must. I don’t care what objectors say, there at least needs to be a hint, otherwise you are just friends. But basing your interest solely on someone’s looks is a plan for disaster down the road. Substance, not superficiality. It’s worth mentioning that height needs to be reconsidered as well. It took a long time for me to move past this one, looking for someone who was taller than me, and while there is a limit of how much taller I will be than a man, I’ve realized that the height does not make the man, rather it is how he carries himself and treats the person he is with.
15. They are always asking something of you
I can only share my experience being a woman, but I have a feeling women do it as well as men. If your partner sees you as their maid, their cook, their dog-sitter, their baby-sitter, their house-sitter, basically, if they see you as someone who will help them out without taking into consideration how it makes you feel, either sit them down and have a conversation or just be done with it tactfully. Much like a family member who assumes merely because you’re family that you must take them in in times of trouble, a person who assumes you fulfill a role because that was how it was done in the relationships they saw modeled, needs to be set straight. Relationships are partnerships, not employer/employee, not finding someone to do your laundry or cook your dinner because you didn’t take the time to learn. The love language, “Acts of Service” is communicated because someone wants to do them for you to express their feelings, not because they have to.
16. How do they treat complete strangers?
The treatment of service staff, strangers passing on the street, other people’s property, anything that will not benefit them in any way can be a helpful indicator of their true character. Now be sure, sometimes they will put on their best behavior when you are present, so just pay attention in moments when their guard is down. How they interact, what they expect reveals habits they might not even be aware of.
17. They never ask questions to get to know you
A red flag from the beginning is when someone you are intently interested in allows you to do all of the asking and conversation starting, but asks nothing of you as to get to know you. Sure the evening went well, you were stroking their ego, but in reality, were they there because they wanted to be with you or did you simply made them feel good? Be honest with yourself and allow a ping-pong game ensure where questions are tossed naturally back and forth. This is a good sign, the former is not.
18. Your gut feels uncomfortable about them . . . still
I probably could have begun and ended with this one to be truthful when it comes to red flags, as it has been my gut that has alerted me to warnings I couldn’t see with my own eyes or thankfully didn’t have to experience first-hand. But if we have taken the time to get to know ourselves, and learned the lessons from the past, often we can sense when something is off, when someone is being disrespectful, or doesn’t have the same intentions as we have. All of this depends upon how finely tuned your instincts are. I don’t care whether you are a man or a woman, your instincts are like a muscle: all of us have them, but not all of us use them or use them effectively. If your instincts aren’t well-toned, you may have to take a little bit more time to get to know them. But either way, eventually the red flag, if it’s there, will raise its ugly head. Trust it.
The primary reason I shared this list with you today is because often we don’t trust ourselves when it comes to love because either we’re too self-critical or perhaps have lost confidence temporarily from a past relationship. Let me just say right now, you are amazing. No, you are not perfect and you never will be. But stand in your shoes right now, know that you will always be a work in progress and look for someone who wants to make the journey with you in a similar way that you have imagined. Each of our desired journeys will be different, but we must be patient as we find someone who will be elated with the journey we will have the opportunity to travel together.
And, hey, let me just say, if a red flag does pop up, be thankful. Be thankful that you have the opportunity and now more time to look for a person who will be a pleasure to be with.
SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
~First Date Cheat Sheet (podcast)
~Why Not . . . Make Someone Feel Special?
Petit Plaisir
Un Sandwich Beurre avec Jambon et Fromage
(butter sandwich with ham and cheese)
Ingredients:
fresh baguette
emmental cheese (or any semi-hard cheese: gruyere, cheddar, etc.)
ham – the best you can afford
optional: butter, mayonnaise, tomatoes, pickles
Image: source
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February 14, 2016
Au Courant Weekly: February 14, 2016
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #88
International
—A cease fire has tentatively been agreed to in Syria. Earlier this week in Munich, Germany, the United States Secretary of State John Kerry and his Russian counterpart Sergei Lavrov helped to spearhead the peace talks to end the fighting in Syria. The “cessation of hostilities” will begin next week, and while only a pause, the hope is that it will allow aid to be given to those Syrians who are in desperate need of help. While it is not guaranteed that the Syrian army and the opposing rebel forces will allow for the assistance to take place, it will indeed be a test as it was reported 11% of the Syrian population has been killed or injured since the conflict began more than five years ago.
National: United States
—Malheur County Wildlife Refuge standoff has concluded. On Thursday, the final four militants who had been occupying the southern Oregon federal refuge surrendered to authorities without incident. All in total 25 people have been arrested and charged with federal felonies in connection with the 41 day stand-off just outside of Burns, Oregon.
—In somber news, United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is said to have died in his sleep and found dead yesterday morning at the age of 79 at a private residence in West Texas after a day of quail hunting. Scalia, who was appointed by President Ronald Reagan in 1986, was a conservative justice of the court, self-described as an originalist who interpreted the US Constitution as it was intended upon its adoption. He was a a highly respect jurist and a close personal friend of fellow jurist Ruth Bader-Ginsburg. His death has come as a shock to the political world as he had just returned to the states after a 12 day trip to Asia and appeared to be in fine health. Scalia’s death opens up a scurry of speculation regarding who will fill his seat on the nine person US Supreme Court bench, and with the Republican majority leading Senate being the gatekeepers of confirmation, many speculate if President Obama will be able to confirm a replacement before his second term is up. Scalia is survived by his wife Maureen, nine children and 28 grandchildren. He was the first Italian-American justice on the highest bench in the country.
Politics
—The first primary of the United States Presidential election took place on Tuesday, and the results flip-flopped from the Iowa Caucuses the week prior. In the New Hampshire primaries, Donald Trump scooped up the Republican side decidedly with former Ohio governor John Kasich taking second and Ted Cruz, third, with Jeb Bush fourth. The results prompted Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina to announce they would be stepping out of the race. On the Democratic side, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders proved the pollsters right and beat former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The next state in line will be South Carolina’s primary on February 20th and Nevada’s Caucuses on February 23rd. To see the entire calendar of primaries and caucuses for the 2016 election, click here. And to get a brief overview of how the US elects its President, tune in to last week’s Au Courant Weekly (episode #86)
—And the debates continue so long as there are multiple candidates in each party still in the race. The Democrats held a debate this past Thursday February 11th in Milwaukie, Wisconsin, hosted by PBS Newshour’s Judy Woodroof and Gwen Ifill who made history as they for the first time two women solely moderated a Presidential debate. And last night, the Republicans held a debate in Greenville, South Carolina hosted by CBS. The six top Republicans still in the race were present; Jim Gilmore from Virginia did not meet CBS’ criteria. The event was moderated by “Face the Nation” host and CBS News political director John Dickerson, and he was flanked by two panelists: CBS News chief White House correspondent Major Garrett and The Wall Street Journal’s Kimberly Strassel.
Health & Science
—A study by the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine has found that what you eat can either help or hurt your chances of getting a sound, restorative nights sleep. A diet high in fiber, leafy greens, legumes, select fruit, and whole grains prompts a deeper and quicker to fall asleep nights rest, while a diet high in saturated fats and sugars found in bread, cookies, crackers, etc. resulted in delayed sleep and was far less restful.
—And speaking of the benefits of sleep, The New York Times New Service reported that a better nights sleep leads to better health when it comes to catching a cold or flu. Reported in the journal Sleep this past September, “adults who slept less than five or six hours a night were four times more likely to catch a cold than those who slept at least seven hours.”
—Einstein was right! It was reported this week, more than 100 years after Albert Einstein said it was true (in 1915), the theory of relativity has shown itself to be the real deal. Scientists heard a chirp this past September signifying that indeed space and time are intertwined and events that occur in the universe can cause “time to move, to bob and jiggle, to stretch and ripple” as shared by NPR.
—Have you ever wondered what the average height was for women around the world? Well, now with the help of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, you can know for certain. A simple graphic is available in Women’s Health magazine that reveals the women in the Netherlands top the list averaging 5’7″. Women in Iceland and Russia are just behind them at 5’6″ and 5’5″ respectively and the United States is fourth with an average height of 5’4″. Interesting health findings have been attributed to height. Be sure to read more. here.
—Love to travel, but struggle with the jet lag? Stanford University researchers shared in a new study that exposure to flashes of light the night before travel might prevent jet lag. Published Monday in the Journal of Clinical Investigation, the findings revealed that when exposing participants to one entire hour of a flash every 10 seconds, their circadian rhythms were capable of being adjusted up to two hours. Learn more details here.
—With today being Valentine’s Day, many may be wondering, what exactly ensures a happy, long-lasting relationship? Turns out it is communication, and it is communication which cultivates a satisfying sexual relationship. And as the researchers who conducted the study at Chapman University, California State University, Sonoma State University, and at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, found a connection revealing “that the men and women who said they were sexually satisfied were happier in their relationship”, it is yet another reminder the power and benefits of healthy communication. For more specific details on what sexually satisfied for men and women entails (which differed slightly), read more in The Wall Street Journal here.
Arts & Entertainment
—Monday marks the return of the annual Grammy Awards on CBS at 8pm. With stars like Adele, The Weeknd, Lamar Kendrick, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga and many more performing, the evening is sure to be electric.
—NYFW begins! The fashion month officially kicked on this past Wednesday in New York City and will continue to London, followed by Milan and then Paris as the following weeks unfold. Much was hyped by Kanye West’s third collection reveal in the Garden, and while the idea of how to present one’s collection for each season is shifting, designers continued to reveal stunning collections. Click here to stay up-to-date on my favorite picks as the collections are unveiled.
—Lovers of Harper Lee’s classic To Kill A Mockingbird looks like it will be adapted for a Broadway play. On Wednesday Aaron Sorkin, writer of television shows The West Wing, Newsroom, and films such as The Social Network and the recent bio-pic of Steve Jobs as well as other quick-paced political and news centered creations, announced he will be writing the screenplay for the well-known tale. Being produced by Scott Rudin and directed by The King and I‘s Bartlett Sher, productions are just getting off the ground and location and dates have not been announced. Sorkin has shared that his teenage daughter has warned him he “better not blow it”. Read more about how all of the details came together here from The New York Times.
Bendite Event of the Week
—While this is a Bend event, it is also a world event that many of you might be interested in. If you love TED talks, the TED ’16 Opening Ceremony will be broadcast for the first time in select cinemas in North America, Europe and Australia over the course of the next few weeks. The actual conference well be held in Vancouver, Canada, from February 15-22, but this will be the first time you and I will be able to enjoy the introduction (approx. 100 minutes) to the new season of thinkers and doers. Beginning in North America on February 15th, Europe on February 16th and Australia on March 2nd, pick up a ticket and discover new ideas and ways to be inspired. In Bend, the viewing takes place at Old Mill District theaters on February 15th at 5pm for $20. Purchase tickets here.
French Word of the Week
La Saint-Valentin
Bonjour, this is Géraldine from Comme une Française.com. I’m here to share the latest French Word of the Week: a simple very French word for your Simply Luxurious Life in France.
On February the 14th, we celebrate la Saint-Valentin. In France, it’s a day to be romantic with your loved one : votre fiancé(e), votre mari ou votre femme, votre copain ou votre copine, etc… And to say “je t’aime” : I love you.
Careful though, in France, Valentine’s Day is only for “les amoureux”. Not for teachers, children, colleagues, neighbours… If you offer a Valentine’s card to your son’s teacher, she will be extremely suprised and a tiny bit embarrassed.
Also, “je t’aime” is perfect on its own. No need to add more. “Je t’aime beaucoup” et “Je t’aime bien” are waaaaaay less engaging than a simple “je t’aime”. If you say “Je t’aime bien” to your French partner, he or she will start asking questions because it just means “I like you”.
At la Saint-Valentin, you can offer “des fleurs” or “des chocolats”, go out for un diner aux chandelles, or prepare une soirée romantique… Be imaginative.
And if you’re single, find “des amis célibataires” and go out for drinks and see a movie. Or just stay at home with your favorite book and “une tasse de thé” for a quiet evening.
A quick warning about la Saint-Valentin in France. It is not as big of a deal as it is in North America. So check how important it is to your significant other before expecting a big suprise.
Joyeuse Saint-Valentin !
If you want to add more French in your Simply Luxurious Life, join me on Comme une Française.com for weekly video tips to sound French, even to the French! And it’s free.
Thought to Ponder
~Au Courant Weeklys from the Archives:
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February 12, 2016
This & That: No. 196
Book
—All in Good Taste by Kate Spade
Designer Kate Spade has returned this past October with another style guide to take a look at. I can remember more than 10 years ago when she published a set of style guides on entertaining, travel and decor, and thankfully she has even more to share. All in Good Taste offers ideas for the hostess from recipes to festive decor ideas without the pomp and circumstance. With a cover complete with a red wine stain, I like her style very much indeed.
Film
—The Choice
Looking for a romantic film to see in the theaters this weekend? Nicholas Sparks has you taken care of. The latest film inspired by his novel of the same name, The Choice, was just released last Friday and is sure to have you believing in love again. Have a look at the trailer below.
Francophile Find
—The Barefoot Contessa in Paris Again
Ina Garten returns this Sunday on the Food Network for her special Barefoot in Paris: Part Deux. Oh, I cannot wait! As she tours the City of Light, she will be stopping into restaurants that are American-inspired of all things, but then culminating the show with a picnic to celebrate her husband’s birthday. Perfect for Valentine’s Day viewing. Set your DVRs for 10am Pacific time or 1pm Eastern.
Shopping
—Everlane Stripe tops
~Classic navy and white stripe tops are a staple whether it is summer or winter, but the transition from one to the other needs to endure chillier and unpredictable temperatures from time to time. Everlane’s 100% 2-ply striped cotton is heavier, not paper-thin; certainly an ideal transitional French capsule wardrobe essential item. With a boatneck design that is flattering on nearly every woman, having one of these classic styles on hand is a very good idea, especially at a reasonable price for a quality product.
—Parker Thatch Stationery
Playful and colorful, Parker Thatch stationery was recommended by Kate Spade as her go-to stationery of choice, and I had to have a look. Turns out, I can see why she adores it so. With playful and whimsical characters, to a couple of items with particular breeds of dogs, pug and dachshund lovers be sure to have a look, if you have a vibrant signature style, you may have just found your signature stationery.
—Sophie Hulme barnsbury leather shoulder bag
Many of you have emailed me when the weekly Style Inspiration posts spotlight in one or more of the images a chic, leather saddle bag, and I can completely understand why. While most are well over $1,000, such as Chloé, there are a few, still quite top quality bags in the mid-budget range. Sophie Hulme’s leather shoulder bag, available in black and a mini version in plum, is simple, yet sturdy and ideal for someone who is traveling or on the move, but needs to keep secure items safe. I certainly have been keeping my eye for exactly one that works with my wardrobe, but black is a great place to start.
~recipe for Fig, Rosemary & Lemon Tart~
Valentine’s Day weekend, a long weekend here in the states and well, a reason to just smile. I came across the image of Jennifer Aniston above, and I couldn’t help but include it as she personifies my feelings for this weekend (a year old, but you can read her interview which accompanied the image here): exuberant, bubbly, carefree and blissful.
Valentine’s Day need not just be for those in romantic partnerships, but also a reason to celebrate the one feeling that too have too much of would be a very good thing. Whether it is love for someone, a love for the life your are living or a love for something you are doing, revel in this, for you have something to be grateful for. If you are in the mood to strengthen your relationships, be sure to tune in to this week’s episode of the podcast where I discuss What Love is and How to Maintain It.
However, whether you are spending the weekend doing something out of the ordinary, or simply appreciating the ordinary, leisurely weekend that it will be, I do hope you have a wonderful time. Below are a handful or articles you may enjoy reading, and until Sunday bon week-end.
~Five Character Traits That Will Make You Happy
~6 Qualities Mindful People Enjoy that Mindless People Do Not
~Step inside 8 Stylish Libraries Fit for a Bibliophile
~7 Simple Strategies to Help You Live Your Best Life
~From The New York Times, A Valentine’s Dinner You Can Make at Home
~How Highly Sensitive People Deal with the World Differently
The post This & That: No. 196 appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
February 11, 2016
Thoughts from the Editor: Afternoon Rituals & Routine
“Leave all the afternoon for exercise and recreation, which are as necessary as reading. I will rather say more necessary because health is worth more than learning.” —Thomas Jefferson
While I wholeheartedly agree that afternoons are a wonderful time for recreation and exercise, I would argue that there is plenty of time for reading and learning as well.
From approximately 3pm until I curl up in bed with a book during the work week is a time that I consider my time. And what I mean by my time is time that is allotted for keeping the steady pace of my life running smoothly.
While each of us has a different work week schedule, most likely you have a window in each day in which you are free to schedule as you need, but still tasks must be tended to. And within those tasks, is the necessary time to tend to your peace of mind.
A simple luxury every day is pulling into my driveway, and stepping out of my car to greet my dogs. Nothing like their exuberant welcome home signifies that it is time to engage in an afternoon routine that will be restorative as much as it helps to facilitate the momentum of moving successfully from one day to the next.
~see more of this beautiful home here~
One of my readers on IG recently asked me how to design an afternoon routine that helps cultivate a simply luxurious way of living. And, as I always reiterate, everyone’s will be unique based on the many variables that differentiate us all, the key is ensure whatever you do does the following:
1. Allows you time to decompress
In other words, you need time each day to put your walls down, take the work mask, the girlfriend, wife or mother mask off and just be with your own thoughts without worrying about judgment or behavior.
2. Offers time for reflection
Regardless of whether your day was celebratory or cringe-worthy, time to take a deep breath and put into perspective what has occurred is a healthy way to set aside the emotions that you may have been feeling at the time and put yourself right. In other words, while we must allow ourselves to feel confused, elated or injured, we also need to think clearly about how to move forward tomorrow. This act of reflection can be simply writing in your journal or taking a walk and allowing yourself time to process the situation away from the place in which the emotion was sparked.
One approach that has worked well for me lately when it comes to quell unnecessary analysis or worry, is at the end of a good or bad day, I refer to a list of emotions, categorized by a general feeling: anger, happy, confused, indifferent, alive or open (a sample list is here) and simply list in my journal how I am feeling. I don’t have to necessarily explain why, but to pinpoint exactly what I am feeling helps me understand why that feeling is causing me to act in a certain way.
3. Enables you to relax
Everyone will have a preferred way of relaxing. Some people will want to meet up with friends or go jogging with a running partner. Others will want to sit in their favorite armchair with a cup of tea and flip through the latest decor magazine. Whatever it is, allow yourself this time each day. Take care of you so you can take care of your life. Other ways to relax: order take-out and enjoy conversation over dinner and a glass of wine, give and receive a foot rub, take a bath, listen to your favorite music, sit out on the porch and rest your eyes, pet your dog, watch your favorite television show, go to a movie, a play or out to dinner at a favorite diner or cafe.
~see a tour of this home here~
4. Tickle the mind
Maybe it’s the book you read before you go to bed, or for me recently it has been my French language class four nights a week. Better yet, read the newspaper and discover the latest study on health or good living. No matter what it is, always remain curious, and you will continue to live well.
5. The means and time to refuel or re-energize
Refueling comes in a variety of ways. Beginning with taking the time to exercise and care for our bodies, it always refers to the time that is needed to tend to our beauty, our emotional health and our bodies needs such as a healthy, but delicious dinner. Upon coming home, pick up your yoga mat and hold a few poses for fifteen minutes. Or put your dogs on the leash and head outside to stretch your legs. Don’t forget to enjoy that monthly facial and indulge on those every once in a while days when you get your hair cut and colored. Ah, then the evening arrives: step into the kitchen and find the pleasure of cooking a meal that is as flavorful as it is fulfilling. Last, but certainly not to be forgotten, prepare and then enjoy a restorative night’s sleep.
~see how this DIY pantry remodel was done here~
Lastly, while this isn’t part of the list, keep in mind that while every work day afternoon won’t follow the same routine, incorporate set signals that tell your mind and your body that it’s okay for it to relax. First of all, a recent study from Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine found that eating fiber, rather than food high in sugar and saturated fat is best for a restorative night’s sleep. So do pay attention to what you eat, not only before bed, but throughout the day. For me, I crave my hot tea and chocolate truffle before bed. That is my brain and body’s signal to begin to fall asleep and drift to dreams.
Ultimately, it is the everyday habits we welcome into our lives that make a significant difference on the quality of our lives. Enjoy exploring what works for you. While I have set activities and rituals that will always be a part of my routine, walking my dogs, reading, cooking and nibbling on chocolate, I am always looking for ways to improve it when I feel something isn’t allowing me to get the rest and restoration that I need.
If you would like to share your afternoon ritual and routines, I would love to hear and I know the other TSLL readers would as well. Please do share in the comments below. And may your afternoon be simply luxurious!
~THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR posts from the Archives:
~My Ultimate Everyday Luxury: Christy Linens
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February 10, 2016
Decor Inspiration: Light & Space
High ceilings, ample natural light and extraordinary quality furnishings, but only a few, that is precisely what this week’s Decor Inspiration home offers. McAlpine Interior Designs eye for quality and historic, European-inspired architecture captured my attention and I couldn’t help but share. Enjoy the tour.
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February 9, 2016
Outfit of the Week: Searching for the Sun
~Trademark high-rise flare jeans (cropped)~
~Charles by Charles David platform sandals~
~J.Crew large Peyton satchel, save 25% with promo code TIMETOSHOP~
~Kenneth Jay Lane tortoiseshell acetate necklace~
~SHOP THE OUTFIT:
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Style Inspiration: Like the Yogurt
The web is awash with a seemingly infinite amount of street style darlings. All of which I pay my respects to as to get in front of the camera on a regular basis takes a strong since of self and a clear signature style. I continue to derive a majority of my style inspiration from these creatively talented and brave women. Just as I profiled Beth of Style at a Certain Age this summer, I wanted to profile Dannon of Like the Yogurt here in today’s Style Inspiration.
As you will see from the handful of pics I have selected, her style is classic, simple and stunningly chic. Embodying the idea of quality essentials in neutral hues, she allows the clothes to be the backdrop to her natural style. Situated in Charleston, South Carolina, Dannon is an airbrush makeup artist for weddings, and clearly knows how to style an outfit. And be sure to check out her Youtube channel for beauty tutorials. I encourage you to visit her blog and discover even more fashion, home decor, DIY and travel posts that are certain to inspire. (to shop each of the outfits in today’s post, click on the specific link at the bottom of the post)
~STYLE INSPIRATION posts from the Archives:
~Top Style Inspiration posts from 2015
Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)
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February 8, 2016
Romantic Love: What is it and How to Maintain it
“Love is the most important word in the English language and the most confusing.” – Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #87
If you have ever taken a foreign language class, attempting to learn a language that is not your native tongue, perhaps you have had a similar experience to mine: wanting to communicate, knowing what to say in your native tongue, but not knowing how to accurately convey it in your new medium.
The frustration level is exasperating; however, the only solution is to continue to practice, continue to attentively listen and with patience and diligence the new language is learned.
In Gary Chapman’s 1995 New York Times #1 Bestseller, The 5 Love Languages, he equates the learning of a foreign language to discovering the love language of your partner. While understanding how we best receive love, identifying the love language that communicates love to us when received, knowing our partner’s love language is akin to learning a foreign language especially when their language is different than ours.
“If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited . . . we can communicate, but it is awkward . . . If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.” – Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages
But I am getting ahead of myself. How do we know if we’re involved with someone whom we truly love, and aren’t merely “in love” with during the endorphined state of euphoria which clouds our rational mind?
Chapman reminds us that late psychologist Dr. Dorothy Tennov found after much research and study, the infinite feeling of being “in love” lasts about two years. And so the question, many of us want to know is, “How can I ensure that when I descend of this blissful state, I will still want to be in a relationship with this person?”
Great question, and while I don’t suppose to have the concrete answers, I came across three questions proposed by two of my favorite life-advice, inspirational bloggers, Marc & Angel that I found to be quite helpful. If you can answer yes to each of the following questions, it is a high probability that you have found yourself, as they say, a life partner worth devoting yourself to:
Does he/she treat you with respect at all times?
If he/she remains the exact same person ten years from now, would you still want to be in a relationship with him/her?
Does he/she inspire to be a better human being?
For the purposes of today’s post, let’s assume you have answered yes to each of these three questions without hesitation, but thoughtful contemplation. Now to the love languages.
First let me begin by recommending you pick up Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages. It is a short, but compact book which will, I am confident, serve as a valuable resource. What I am going to do in this post is share an overview of the five love languages, which is something that can be found on numerous other sites. The one thing that is additionally helpful is his quiz at the end of the book to help you determine what exactly your primary love language is. While most of us probably have an inkling of what ours might be, sometimes even we aren’t accurate. One quick check you can do to help garner evidence of what your primary love language is is to recollect moments in which you were most upset with loved ones regarding how they did or didn’t treat you. Often we become most injured when the language that speaks loudest to us isn’t observed.
One of the most significant take-aways after reading Chapman’s book was the aha that what did or didn’t work in past relationships when it comes to love languages may work well or even wonderfully in the next relationship. Why? It is all about getting to know, learning how to communicate effectively, in their love language. As Gail Cornwall, contributor to The Washington Post points out, “That is loving well.” And each person’s love language is different. Which means, we must enter into relationships without assumption, but rather curiosity and willingness to get to know the person. And yes, this means it will take time.
The FIVE Love Languages
~summarized from Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages
1.Words of Affirmation
Defined as “using words to build up as a way to express love”, words of affirmation can be shared in a couple of different ways: verbal compliments or words of appreciation, words of encouragement or as Chapman reminds: encourage means “to inspire courage”, as well kind words said in a tone that is sincere not biting or sarcastic, and making requests rather than demands.
2. Quality Time
Defined as “giving someone your undivided attention”, there are actually a couple of ways to extend quality time to your loved one. First of all, our attention must be focused on our loved one, so we must not only be in proximity with them, but actually be engaged with them. Ways to share quality time could be participating in an activity in which both participants want to engage in and doing so together. Similarly, quality conversation which is “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts and feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.”
3. Receiving Gifts
Defined as precisely what it sounds, “giving a gift you can hold in your hand and say, ‘Look, he/she was thinking of me,’ or ‘She/He remembered me’.” However, the gift of one’s presence also falls into this category. The key is to communicate with your loved one and determine what they need, what will make them feel loved.
4. Acts of Service
Defined as “doing things you know your spouse would like you to do”, the list will different for each individual and this is why taking the time to truly get to know someone, being observant and listening to their needs is crucial.
5. Physical Touch
Expressing love through physical touch may sound obvious, but as Chapman points out there are two types of physical touch: explicit love and implicit love. Explicit love requires more time than implicit love, but neither is more powerful depending upon your partner’s love language. Our entire body is has “touch receptors”, but your loved one has a unique map of what communicates your affection to them. Take the time to find out.
In a nutshell, the above Love Languages, but as you can see, as Chapman defines, within each are different dialects. The key is taking the time to communicate, listen fully and invest in your relationship if indeed you answer yes to the above questions.
One thought I want to leave with you that I quickly highlighted in Chapman’s book is a simple reminder about how we truly are the navigators of our ship when it comes to whether or not we want to be in a relationship and who we choose (should they also choose) to be in a relationship with, “Love is a choice and it cannot be coerced.”
Back to the idea of “in love” versus real love. Feeling “in love” is not a bad thing. It is a wonderful time and amazing experiences and moments emerge that will not soon be forgotten. The key is to understand what this feeling is and not become blind to the truth of who the person is and why we are feeling the way we are feeling. So what is real love, you may be wondering? Chapman explains it this way:
“It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.”
In other words, real love is a choice. Not only do we expend energy to live the life of our dreams, but we choose to expend energy to benefit the one we are in a relationship with. An equal partnership where both people feel loved, secure and valued.
~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES on Love that you might enjoy:
~The Prerequisite for a Healthy Relationship
~Why Not . . . Make Someone Feel Special?
~7 Components of Strong, Healthy Relationships (podcast)
~View all of TSLL archived posts on Relationships here.
~Did you know that all of the books recommended here on TSLL over the past six years are available here? Books on love, the French culture, happiness, cooking and much more. Enjoy perusing!
Petit Plaisir
~TSLL App is now available for Android users (iTunes store has it available here )
~Learn all about what is available on the app here.
~It’s FREE!
~If you like the app, your review would be greatly appreciated as it encourages potential users to download and offers insight into how to use and enjoy the app.
How to share a review?
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Sign in to your Google Play Developer Console.
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On the left menu, click Ratings & Reviews > Reviews.
Decide how you want to browse reviews. Filter: To see reviews based on star rating, language, app version, or device, select from the available filters.
on iTunes
Tap iTunes or App Store.
Find the item that you want to review.
Tap the Reviews tab and tap Write a Review.
If you’re not signed in, tap Use Existing Apple ID. If you don’t have an Apple ID, tap Create New Apple ID.
Select a star rating, enter a title, write your review, and tap Send.
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February 7, 2016
Au Courant Weekly: February 7, 2016
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #86
International
~At the end of January, Austria announced a stricter policy regarding refugees seeking asylum. Over the next three years, more than 50,000 refugees will be repatriated to other safe countries and ordered to leave Austria. Along with Sweden and Germany, “Austria has received the largest number of refugee applications per capita of population,” as reported by Deutsche Welle news organization.
~Lesbos, a Greek island that is often the first stop for refugees fleeing Syria, has become a haven of sanctuary and the local residents are bearing the brunt. As CNN news reports, the arrivals of refugees is unrelenting, even as the frigid winter water temperatures make it dangerous to travel. The selfless efforts of the local community have not gone unnoticed as they regularly tend to the refugees, provide them with immediate food and warmth and do all that they are capable of to ensure survival for those on the brink. February 1st was the deadline for Nobel Peace Prize nominations, and a petition to recognize the efforts of the local heroes has garnered hundred of thousands of signatures. While the residents dismiss the recognition, to the refugees they clearly are heroes.
~No longer can Italians smoke and flick their cigarette butts into the streets. If they do, as of this past week, they will could face a $300 fine. A law aimed at curbing the love for smoking in Italy, citizens have varying opinions on how effective the law will be.
~The Washington Post reported on Monday that the World Health Organization had declared the Zika virus to be a global health emergency. Due to Zika believed to be causing irreversible health complications in newborns, the WHO allows for more mobilization of funding as well as man-power to combat the mosquito-born virus. While this virus was first identified 50 years ago, its severe effects on newborns and now the possibility that it may be capable of being transmitted through bodily fluids has raised concerns.
~In Geneva, Switzerland, earlier this week, peace talks began to try to broker an agreement to bring an end to the Syrian civil war. However, on Wednesday the United Nations halted talks as “mounting anger among the opposition that [felt] they [were] being pressured to negotiate while Syrian government and Russian air attacks on rebel areas continue and escalate.” An intriguing opinion piece from The Guardian offered something that might aid in more successful negotiations, the inclusion of women.
National: United States
On Wednesday, President Obama visited for the first time during his presidency a mosque in the United States. At the Islamic Society of Baltimore, President Obama spoke for 45 minutes about the awareness that an attack on one religion is an attack on all religions. Prompted by the rise in Islamophobia, the President’s historic speech has been desired for years by the Islamic community as muslims has been stigmatized since the attacks on 9/11 and heightening during his presidency, most recently with the attacks in San Bernardino and calls by certain political figures to ban all Muslims temporary until the Syrian refugee crisis is brought under control.
Politics
~On Monday of this past week, the Iowa Caucuses took place kicking off the U.S. Presidential primary elections. And while on the Republican ticket Ted Cruz garnered the top spot earning eight delegates, Trump and Rubio both earning 7, the Democrats offered an unexpectedly tight race with Hillary Clinton winning 23 delegates and Bernie Sanders winning 21. (click here for all of the numbers on delegates). While caucuses are different in their set-up than primaries, the results are the same, who won how many delegates. With 350,000 Iowans going out to caucus on February 1st (which is approximately 17% percent of the voting population in Iowa), the race has officially begun. On Tuesday, the first primary will be in New Hampshire.
~How the United States elects a President.
~The two remaining Democrats running for President Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton had a contentious, but policy driven debate on MSNBC Thursday night. And last night the Republicans held a debate in Manchester, New Hampshire, hosted by ABC. All remaining Republican candidates have been invited and were expected to attend.
Bendite Event of the Week
The Meissner Nordic Luminaria takes place on Saturday February 13th, and if you are someone who appreciates all of the winter sno-park trails for cross-country skiing and snowshoeing, the event offers you an opportunity to enjoy and donate to the Meissner Nordic Club. Beginning at dusk (approximately 5:30 pm) and luminarias (paper bags with candles) lit until 9pm, come with your family and friends (carpooling is encouraged as parking will be tight) and enjoy an annual excursion on the moonlit snow trails.
French Word of the Week
La Chandeleur
Bonjour, this is Géraldine from Comme une Française.com. I’m here to share the latest French Word of the Week: a simple very French word for your Simply Luxurious Life in France.
On February 2nd, in France, we celebrate La Chandeleur. And we eat “des crêpes”.
As we saw on the episode about la galette, don’t mix “des crêpes” with “des galettes” in certain regions of France! But in the rest of France, many people call “des galettes”, “des crêpes salées” : salty crêpes.
A la Chandeleur, French people will make des crêpes at home. You will use “une crèpière”, a special pan et “des ingrédients” tels que “des oeufs” (eggs), de la farine (flour) et du lait (milk). The other ingredients depend on who makes them.
if you don’t feel like making them, you can also buy delicious crêpes à la boulangerie ou dans une crêperie.
In the crêpes, we can put “du sucre” (sugar), “du miel” (honey), “du citron” (lemon), “de la noix de coco” (coconut), “du Nutella”, “de la glace” (ice-cream), “du caramel au beurre salé” (caramel with salted butter)… et parfois au-dessus : de la crème Chantilly. It can also be “une crêpe flambée” with alcohol.
A last personal tip: if you’re in a tourist area, you might see des crêperies offering crêpes with A LOT of toppings put together: strawberries, ice cream and Chantilly, with chocolate sauce etc. It’s good to try (I like this too). But keep in mind that a very authentic way to enjoy a good crêpe is… on its own. Maybe with a little bit of sugar. Something light that will allow you to really taste the crêpe. And enjoy it like we do. The simple “crêpe au sucre” is really a star of la Chandeleur.
If you want to add more French in your Simply Luxurious Life, join me on Comme une Française.com for weekly video tips to sound French, even to the French! And it’s free.
Thought to Ponder
~Au Courant Weeklys from the Archives:
Image: quote source
The post Au Courant Weekly: February 7, 2016 appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
