Shannon Ables's Blog, page 268

Why Not . . . Be Grateful for January?

“January is the quietest month in the garden.  …  But just because it looks quiet doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.  The soil, open to the sky, absorbs the pure rainfall while microorganisms convert tilled-under fodder into usable nutrients for the next crop of plants.  The feasting earthworms tunnel along, aerating the soil and preparing it to welcome the seeds and bare roots to come.”

–  Rosalie Muller Wright, Editor of Sunset Magazine, January 1999

January is a peculiar month.

I am a hypocrite of sorts as I eagerly anticipate the new year’s arrival: A fresh start to begin anew and improve upon the previous year’s growth and lessons. But as it progresses, I silently ache for the sun, the warmth, the perennials to bloom and, yes, I become ever-so-slightly impatient. However, each year I reflect on the January that was, and believe it or not, I am thankful for its occurrence.

Why?

The cold reminds us of the amazing warmth we have felt and will feel again. The dark reminds us of the power of a deep, long night’s sleep. The hazards and obstacles presented by Mother Nature reveal to us what we may have taken for granted. The additional time snuggling inside grants us time to dream and plan (and catch up on the pile of books waiting to be devoured).

I recognize that January may not be everyone’s favorite month; there have been moments this year that haven’t been mine. But there have also been moments that have exceeded any day of the year, and there are still eleven months to go.

It is during these times of unimaginable joy that we savor and are reminded that even during the contrary moments of doubt, strain and angst, beautiful, magnificent, and extraordinary experiences can occur as well, and that should be the hope we ride into the rest of the upcoming eleven months.

Yes, as the quote states above, January is a quiet month. But sometimes quiet is good. Sometimes quiet means behind the scenes a magical moment is preparing itself so that it might be able to roar when the right time occurs.

Patience.

Let go of the agenda in your mind. Let go of how you think it “should” work out. Savor the life you are building, express that gratitude in your daily life and remember patience is something we actually always have with us as I recently came to understand.

I am reminded of a recent quote I heard during one of my sessions of meditation on the topic of patience:

“Patience is not something we need to develop. Instead, we need to learn how to let go of impatience. This may sound like the same thing, but it’s actually quite different. Patience is an inherent part of a calm and clear mind. If we know this, if we understand it, then we do not try to ‘create’ patience; instead we simply let go of the noise and our involvement in that activity and thereby experience patience. In this scenario we can say that the absence of impatience has led to the experience of patience.”

May January 2017 be remembered for what it began to foster and may the coming months reveal the gifts we never thought would be possible.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Give Your Life an Annual Appraisal?

~Why Not . . . Create a To Be List?

~Why Not . . . Transition from Busy to Balanced?

Image: source

Stripe It Up

There is never a bad time to wear stripes, but lately I am in need of donning casual, playful tops that are awash in stripes. An aura of the shoulder seasons tends to dance in my mind when I imagine regularly selecting the stripes in my wardrobe, especially the tops for my everyday ensembles.

A stripe top communicates an effortless chic look that neither mutes or elevates out of bounds the entire outfit. Paired with denim, a full skirt or worn under a shearling coat, stripes are simple, sophisticated and friendly to many shapes. Click on any of the images in today’s Style Inspiration post to shop the outfit directly.

 

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Wear Stripes?

~New York Street Style Stripes

~Navy & Stripes

Emotional Intelligence: A Crucial Tool for Enhanced Quality in Work and Life

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #140
~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio

“Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life. Happiness is synthetic — you either create it, or you don’t.” —Life Altering Awareness

The uncertainties in life are vast.

But to errantly ignore the ability to master the certainties is a mistake. Each of us is capable of cultivating a life that is fulfilling and attains true contentment no matter what changes life may bring by honing the tool of Emotional Intelligence.

A term created by researchers Peter Salavoy and John Mayer and brought into the mainstream culture by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence, EQ is often the detail forgotten about that upon tending to makes a significant difference in the quality of our lives no matter what the circumstances may be. And the beauty is each of us has the ability to improve our EQ.

What is Emotional Intelligence you may be asking? Often broken down into three components and skills:

Definition of EQ:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;

2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;

3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

Let’s look at it another way: EQ is divided into two components the Personal and Social. There are four abilities one will exhibit if they have a high emotional intelligence:

PERSONAL: Self-Awareness
PERSONAL: Self-Management
SOCIAL: Social Awareness
SOCIAL: Relationship Management

At the foundation of developing a strong EQ is the awareness of a balance that is often discussed here on TSLL. Exploring and understanding ourselves whilst respectfully and thoughtfully navigating the world around us whether in work or play is, when we look at what our lives are all about, what living well should be all about. Striking a healthy balance between ourselves and the relationships we built, and ensuring the relationships we build with ourselves and others are healthy, respectful, thoughtful, loving and kind.

EQ is simple in theory, and eventually does become simple in practice, but initially, it will take time, attention and patience to build a muscle that may not have been worked in quite some time or ever. Now, as you will see below, there are many different characteristics. I suggest taking an EQ test (short or long) to determine where your strengths and weaknesses are as most of us may be quite proficient in some areas, but consciously or unconsciously weak in others. And with any eventual success, the first step toward improving is knowing where you need to improve and pat yourself on the back for what you are already doing well.

But first, let’s look at the carrot. What can be gained by improving our EQ?

Benefits & Characteristics:

be the curator of your own happiness regardless of outside forces, events or people
solve a variety of emotion-related problems accurately and quickly
can accurately perceive emotions in faces
manage emotions effectively – both our own and others – especially when we are under pressure

regulate emotions such as anger or jealously and keep them at a healthy level.


calmly find solutions to problems
exude confidence due to trusting intuition and not allowing emotions get out of control
self-aware: can look honestly at yourself – observing strengths and weaknesses – being able to work on areas you can improve
comfortable with change
strength to say no
exemplify sincere thoughtfulness
disciplined and therefore can discern between immediate and long-term effects

thereby experience much success, effectiveness and productivity


strong listening skills
less likely to judge and stereotype
manage relationships well
able to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you
manage disputes effectively, become an excellent communicator, and become adept at building and maintaining relationships

The benefit at the top of the list alone is the reason I have been actively researching and continuing to remain curious about the concept of EQ. As I continue to improve and apply the practices of being emotionally intelligent to my personal and professional relationships, I have begun to see remarkable improvements, which is why I want to share with you some tools I have found to work for me, have been suggested by my counselor and shared online via a handful of sources (all are listed at the bottom of the post).

Tools to Enhance EQ:

Reduce negative personalization 

If the tendency is to assume the worst when an individual does something that upsets or confuses you, instead take a step back. Refrain from jumping to conclusions (usually negative assumptions). And instead, examine the situation from multiple perspectives. By taking the step back you are enabling a more objective perspective, giving yourself room to breathe and collect your emotions and quite often recognizing that what others do more often than not has nothing to do with us (the personalizing) and most often everything to do with them and what they are dealing with, experiencing and feeling at that time.


Reduce an all or nothing vantage point

Whether in relationships (friendships or romantic partnerships) or at work, provide yourself with a banquet of options. In other words, don’t put all your socializing into a relationship with one friend. Instead build a handful of strong, healthy friendships. As we’ve discussed in the past, often having friends in different arenas in our lives for different interests, etc. is a way to not burden any one friendship and also tend to each of our needs. When it comes to our romantic lives, while we may have a romantic partner, be sure to build a life you love living whether or not that individual is with you. The individual should add to, not be the sole reason for your contentment, so when you aren’t together you are enthralled with the everyday routines, activities, and work you are engaged in. Professionally, give yourself options. Applying for a handful of jobs if you are considering a career move rather than just one. Taking an interview at prospective business if nothing else to build your networking and confidence in the interviewing process.


Learn to manage stress effectively

First we must be able to recognize that we are stress, and identify the triggers. Then, when we do recognize that we are stressed, to manage it in a way that is effective. Perhaps physical exercise or simply going outside and getting fresh air and convening with Mother Nature. For others it may be journaling their thoughts out.


Finding the courage to discuss difficult emotions when necessary with the right person

Knowing your boundaries and your priorities and values will help first determine when ‘necessary’ takes place. Not all negative emotions and anger need to be shared with the individual who angered you. Often it is a reaction that is due to our expectations and lack of understanding. But there are other times when you must speak up. Knowing the difference is imperative.
When we do decide that we must discuss how we feel to help those we either work with or are in relationships understand our boundaries and better understand us, knowing how to effectively communicate with “I feel . . . ” statements is a simple conversation starter. Rather than blaming the other person for which we can never fully knowing why or what prompted their actions, share what you do know for certain: how you felt and why.


Become adept at rebounding from adversity

Running up against unexpected challenges, obstacles and enduring setbacks is inevitable if we are choosing to forever evolve, learn and be curious about the world and improving our position and potential. It is how we respond to each of these that will determine our success moving forward. So how can we best respond? Asking the right questions: What can I learn from this experience? What are other perspectives and solutions beyond the limited box I have put myself? What is important? What can I be thankful for?


Allow yourself to be vulnerable in personal, intimate relationships

It is not easy to be vulnerable, opening ourselves up to hurt and potential pain, but on the flip-side, we cannot experience true intimacy, deep fulfilling relationships if we do not reveal who we truly are to other people. So how do we know when to be vulnerable and what does being vulnerable look like?

Involved in a healthy relationship with an individual that has the potential to be trusted (we will not know this absolutely initially, but as we get to know them gradually, we gradually allow ourselves to be vulnerable)
share honest feelings that are supportive, loving, nourishing and constructive
affirming what the individual you are with shares with you by acknowledging what you heard and expressing gratitude for their ability to share.
Body language and physical touch that is open, respectful, loving: eye contact, hugging, supportive (touching the arm or arm around the back).
Make requests for connection, aka as “bidding” and respond to bidding initiated by those you are in an intimate relationship with: As revealed in an article in The Atlantic in 2014, researchers discovered that “masters in love”, marriages that continue to thrive exhibiting and expressing respect and love for their partners, responded or “turned-towards bids” 87% of the time versus those in ‘disaster’ relationships (33% of the time). What does bidding looking like? as grand as engaging in a shared activity and as simple as pointing out something beautiful and the response is your partner acknowledging and commenting positively or supportively to your observation. It can also involve a personalized note, a thoughtful gift, a gesture demonstrating having listened to a previous conversation, a needed favor. The list goes on, but the key is you are extending a desire to engage and the bid is returned with attention or appreciation.




Improve your emotional vocabulary

Knowing how you feel and how to accurately pinpoint the emotion through words verbally (and written as well) is a powerful way to improve connection with others, building understanding and enhancing relationships.


Pause before you speak

The primary component of exercising emotional intelligence is acting consciously, and that includes speaking. Pausing to find the proper and most accurate, as well as supportive and constructive words begins to build and strengthen the bond between two individuals.

Emotional Intelligence has been proven to be more vital and a more accurate determinate than IQ when it comes to long-term success in one’s quality of life. And the good news is unlike one’s IQ, EQ is a learned skill. It is something we can practice and improve upon no matter what our age. However, because it is a skill, as The Atlantic pointed out in 2014, it might also be used for nefarious purposes. In other words, once one becomes extremely proficient at observing and recognizing emotions both in themselves and others they can use the tools to manipulate for self-serving outcomes. However, to counter, as a friend pointed out recently as I was discussion the topic of today’s post/episode, if indeed someone is abusing this skill, then are they truly Emotionally Intelligent? Because to return to the original definition of EQ, it involves a vast amount of empathy; the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 

Life continues to reveal to me that quality is something that doesn’t just occur, it is cultivated, it is conscious, it is requires consistency. Yes, it might be helpful if the improvements in our lives could occur by simply buying a particular product, a certain type of home or outfit, but the reality is no matter what clothes you wear, what size your home or what type of degree you have, knowing how to understand your emotions and observe them accurately in others followed by healthy action that respects who you are as well as those around you is the yeast of life. If you want to rise, if you want what you value to rise, invest in your emotional intelligence. Because when we do, beautiful moments in the everyday whether we are with others or in our own company will regularly manifest.

~Post Sources: Psychology Today, Mindtools & The Atlantic

~The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~A Powerful Couple: Boundaries & Vulnerability

~Why Not . . . Master the Art of Conversation?

~Why Not . . . Have That Difficult Conversation?

~Why Not . . . Avoid Unnecessary Stress?

 

~Petit Plaisir:

~”The Power of a Dose of Nature“, via The Wall Street Journal

~image from TSLL IG feed (below)

 

Download the Episode

 

 

Image: source

This & That: January 27, 2017

Book
—Now Go Out There (And Get Curious) by Mary Karr

Commencement addresses are a favorite annual pastime I enjoy each spring – scouring the internet to discover the handful that offer inspiration no matter where you are in life. In 2015 Mary Karr gave an address at Syracuse University and when she did it almost immediately became a viral favorite. Praising passion and curiosity, this best-selling professor’s speech is worth reading if you’re looking for life inspiration for life and a reminder that fear can actually be a very good thing.

Francophile Find
—L’art de La Simplicité: How to Live More with Less by Dominique Loreau 

Already a best-seller in France, released earlier this month in the states, Dominique Loreau’s book offers a worthwhile approach to letting go of the unnecessary clutter to enhance the quality of your life.

Shopping
—Halston Heritage marble-effect acrylic clutch

A statement clutch is an essential item to have on hand for that last minute invite to dress up for dinner or a special occasion that needs that perfect finishing touch. Available on sale, Halston Heritage’s marble-effect acrylic clutch is  a beautiful balance of a simplistic statement.

—Norma Kamali convertible stretch-jersey jumpsuit

Jumpsuits are a favorite of mine, and Norma Kamali’s royal blue halter version offers versatility in spades. Wear in the summer with beautiful statement jewelry, or wear in the winter with a blazer. With one decision the ensemble comes together and who doesn’t want a simple decision upon walking into the closet?

—Tibi silk shirt dress (ivory or black)

Simple silk shirt dress. Classic upon classic. And now at a beautiful price. Already reduced 60%, use the promo code ENDOFSALE to save an additional 15%. Add this capsule essential to your wardrobe and mix and match for years to come.

Theater
—Significant Other

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, previews begin on February 14th and opening day on March 2nd at Booth Theater,  the search for love is the focus. The leading man begins to observe his three closets girlfriends gradually pair off and live their lives, and he begins to feel, well, left behind. All the while, he continues his search for Mr. Right, but it’s a far more difficult journey than he had expected. If you’re in New York City this late winter or spring, be sure to check it out as it was a sold out play at the Roundabout Theater before moving to Broadway.

Travel
—Mezi (app)

Consider Mezi your personal assistant for travel. Receive recommendations for flights, hotels and other activities straight from the experts themselves. Available for free, it may not be a bad idea to download Mezi and see if the traveling experience steps it up a notch.

~recipe for Honey Cake with Mascarpone, Figs & Pistachios~

When a reader, after reading one of the three Petite Posts this week spotlighting Paris’ Spring Couture Week collections suggested I take a look at Ralph & Russo’s collection, I had to take a look. And I was staring at a sublime collection that I have a feeling you too will appreciate. My favorite item is above, but I have also pulled many more for you to view below. I must say, there is something magical about this particular fashion week. Maybe because we want to refresh our winter clothing for lighter fare or maybe it is because clothing is indeed art, especially haute couture.

The last full week in January is wrapping up and what a month it has been for a variety of reasons. I do not know about you, but this particular weekend is something I ready to experience, savor and enjoy with good company. Perhaps it will snow, maybe it won’t. It doesn’t matter, the past week was the first full week I’ve had this week since the new year began, and I must admit I am exhausted for wonderful reasons: work that is fulfilling, friends and loved ones to spend time with and activities to continue to pique curiosity. However, it’s time to rest, per this week’s episode of the podcast, and I am ready to indulge. I do hope your week has gone well and you are gazing at the next few days ready to indulge as well. Below are a few articles you may enjoy and even more beautiful designs from Ralph & Russo. Until Monday, bonne journée!

~The passing of a barrier breaker and an individual whose intelligence, strength and humor will be sorely missed – the passing of Mary Tyler Moore

~The Devil Wears Prada, a musical??? Yep, it’s really happening.

~Checking ourselves and examining perhaps unconscious reflexes that hurt the movement toward equality – I Am A Feminist, But My Subconscious is Still Sexist

~7 Brutal Lessons that Ultimately Make Life Beautiful

~10 Things Americans Won’t Understand About France

~3 Unique Things Successful People Do Differently

 

 

A Dream Deferred: Ziad Nakad

An invitation to attend arrived as the new year began, and alas, I could only dream that my schedule would allow this year. To escape to Paris during the wintery months, to slip into carefully curated attire and sit amongst the fashion elite gazing upon the talents and artistry offered, and walk, albeit it bundled, yet chicly so, along the streets of the City of Light . . . ah, forever a dream of mine, and hopefully someday soon to be a reality. But not this season, no, not yet. But invited I was to Ziad Nakad‘s spring/summer couture presentation which took place yesterday in Paris.

Offering simplistic sophistication and timeless feminine designs paired with intricate detail, this second couture collection was exquisitely stunning. The Lebanese designer, Ziad Nakad looks to the woman’s silhouette to determine the cut of each gown (and jumpsuit too I might add as you will see below), and in so doing reveals femininity and individuality in each design. Below are my hand-picked favorites from the collection.

All images courtesy of Ziad Nakad

Dreaming of Spring

~Carven Peplum Warp Blouse~

~Frame distressed high-rise straight-leg jeans~

~SJP by Sarah Jessica Parker Fawn 90mm or Nicholas Kirkwood Amino leather pump~

~Banana Republic Portfolio Structured Leather Tall Tote~

~Taylor Kenney Larimar Drop Earrings~

SHOP THE OUTFIT:

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~View more Outfits of the Week here.

Why Not . . . Create a To Be List?

“Your ultimate goal in life is to become your best self. Your immediate goal is to get on the path that will lead you there.” —David Viscott, M.D.

A To-Do list is something most of us are familiar with. We have them, we love checking items off of them, and I even sell them. And while you will always see me writing down a to-do list in my planner or on my desk, a to-do list is often concrete: actions, tasks, etc. However, after reading an article in the most recent issue of Porter magazine, in which the writer suggested we focus not on a to-do list but rather a “To Be” list, I contemplated the difference.

When we focus on what we want to be, we are focusing on our minds, our actions and beyond ourselves. In other words, we are choosing to do the work of being our best selves. And while being our best selves won’t guarantee everything we wish to attain or become, it reminds us to focus on depth, connections and investing in skills that take time to master. However, in the end when we do master these skills, the quality of our life begins to soar.

Today I’ve compiled a list of 22 things “To Be”. Each item is a topic, a skill or an approach to living that invites each of us to deepen the appreciation, awareness and thus the quality of our everyday lives.  Simply click on each item (except #5) to be taken to an in-depth look at how to incorporate each item into your life. As well, the 22 items assists us in letting go of habits and behaviors that may not have been serving us well. Let’s take a look.

Why Not Be . . . 

1. Calm

2. Self-Actualized

3. Confident

4. The CEO of Your Own Life

5. Emotionally intelligent

Tune in to next Monday’s episode of the podcast (The Simple Sophisticate) when we’ll dive into how to improve your emotional intelligence (EG) and the benefits of doing so.

6. Happy

7. A Feminist 

8. Productive, Yet Balanced

9. Self-Reliant

10. Disciplined

11. A Grown Up

12. Brave

13. Trusting

14. Strong 

15. Self-sufficient

16. A Francophile

17. Truly Wealthy

18. Courageous

19. Charismatic

20. A Romantic

21. Authentic

22. Unforgettable

Certainly a list, that while long, will leave you living consciously, more fully and enjoying your everydays even more.

So we might not be able to cross off all of the items on our to-do list each day, but perhaps if we keep of list of what we want to be and reflect on it before the day begins and perhaps at night as well, we will begin to live more consciously and thus more thoughtfully enhancing not only our own lives, but those around us as well.

~View more Lifestyle posts here.

 

Image: Lily Aldridge by Patrick Demarchelier for Vogue UK

What Sartorial Dreams Are Made Of

The haute couture collections in Paris continue to inspire, dazzle and carry fashion aficionados into a sartorial daydream. Three collections that caught my eye were Chanel (as seen above and three below), Valentino and Elie Saab. With feminine tailoring from Karl Lagerfeld, delicately embroidered sheer gowns from Saab and loose, billowing silk gowns from Valentino, the Spring 2017 Haute Couture week has been one of my favorites. See my picks from earlier in the week here.

 

~Valentino~

 

~Elie Saab~

A Paris Rental to Dream About

A dreamer might dream of relaxing in a bubble-filled tub after a day strolling along the Seine and nibbling on macaroons from Laduree, but now it may just be a reality to experience for yourself. Paris Perfect rentals has available a vacation apartment ideal for the Francophile who wants to experience the City of Light with the shimmering Eiffel Tour shimmering just outside their balcony.

For $400 a night rent a memorable one bedroom vacation apartment to create memories that won’t soon be forgotten. Click here to learn more and scroll down to enjoy the tour.

 

 

~View more Decor Inspiration posts here.

Paris Spring Couture Week Begins & Oscar Nominations

When Couture week begins in Paris in January and July, and especially in January, I indulge. The week  offers luxurious expression of sartorial creativity and an escape from a month that while beloved for its offering of renewal can tend to drag and linger ever-so-slightly longer than desired.

Along with the announcement of the 89th Academy Award nominees  early this morning (see the entire list here), the arrival of the spring couture collections finds me supposing which gowns seen on the runway may also be worn on the red carpet Sunday February 26th.

And so as Giambattista Valli’s began the week in Paris with a bountiful collection of infinite ruffles, feather-embroidered duchesse satin gowns revealing gams for days and fairy tale dresses that tempt us to drift to dream into fantasy, below are a few gowns that caught my eye. Stay tuned for more favorite from Paris Spring Couture Week in the coming days.

~Giambattista Valli’s IG~

Image: (1) Vogue Japan IG, (all others) Vogue Runway