Shannon Ables's Blog, page 265
March 1, 2017
Why Not . . . Let Go?: 27 Things to Bid Adieu
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”– Raymond Lindquist
I can remember quite vividly the first time I rode my bike without training wheels. I was four or five years old, and we were bicycling in our neighbors long drive-way. I don’t remember how long I rode with training wheels, but the moment I was riding without them, it felt as it should have been all along.
I was pedaling by myself. I was smiling from ear to ear, and it was simple because I didn’t have to battle my hesitancy, my reluctancy and instead I simply trusted myself. Trusted myself to understand the rhythm of the bike, how to maintain momentum and how to correct when needed.
Letting go of habits that do not serve us can be scary, much like letting go of our training wheels. The habits, much like the training wheels, appear to give us safety, security and clear boundaries, but in reality, they hold us back from reaching our fullest potential.
Here is another analogy that I was reminded of this winter whilst traveling over snow and ice packed mountain passes with streams of travelers. Trucks and some cars chose to gear their vehicles with chains (understandable for the trucks who were carrying extreme weight, but for vehicles that weren’t, it forced them to only drive 30 mph no matter what the road conditions were). And while the chains were indeed valuable in very unique situations, for the remainder of the trip, they caused damage to the roads and slowed everyone (who had traction tires) down unnecessarily. Now, I am not saying to refrain from putting on chains. Absolutely not. Safety is paramount, and I’d rather go slow than not make it at all, but here is the similarity between chains on tires and holding onto habits that no longer serve us even when we may have had good intentions when we adopted them: they limit us from reaching the quality of life we seek to attain and experience.
Since 2017 began, I have been contemplating the habits, ideas and approaches to living that cause me strife, anxiety, and mental exhaustion. And while you may be wondering, Well, if they’re causing such negative responses, why do you hold on to them? you have to understand that these are defaults that arose out of protection based, for good reason, on experiences from the past. However, these experiences took place in the past, and I, as we all have with each day we wake up, was no longer in the past, but instead the present. And if indeed my habits were causing negative responses in me, perhaps I needed to reassess their presence in my way of going about living.
Today, I’d like to share with you 27 habits, choices, ways of living to let go of. At some point all of these items had to be relinquished by myself: some quite some time ago and some more recently. Either way, having let them go, the quality of my life has risen even if at first the angst of making such a choice gave me great pause as I wonder what awaited me on the other side of each change I was instituting in my life.
Let go of . . .
1. Unhealthy, toxic, destructive relationships
Who cares if they are family, who cares if they have been in your life for years, who cares if they mean well. If they hold you down, cause you pain (emotional and/or physically), dash your hopes and hurt your spirit, let them go.
2. The timeline you had for your life that you are clinging to. Ultimately, your stubborn grasp is what is denying you the opportunity to experience a beautiful life.
3. The fear of abandonment
When we fear we will be abandoned, denied, or rejected, we cling even harder and in so doing begin to push others away. Discover how to stand on your own two feet, enjoy your own company and be your own best friend. Knowing the one person who you depend upon, you, cannot and will not abandon you, releases your need to cling out of desperation and fear, and enables you to build beautiful, healthy relationships.
4. Stereotypes
Instead of making assumptions about who someone is based on shared similarities with a particular group that you think you understand, take the time to get to know the person, the individual. And then remind yourself, you wouldn’t want to be pigeoned-holed based on what “group” your exterior, ethnicity or sex associates you with, so refrain from limiting others as well.
5. Absolutes
Each one of us is human which means we will make mistakes. We will have bad days, we will have moments we wish we could change. With this in mind, remind yourself that the people in your life will not be perfect and neither will you. No one person is 100% good or 100% bad. This is not to say you shouldn’t be clear about what you can and won’t tolerate, but be patient with people and yourself.
6. Cynicism
A negative perspective on the world will no more improve the quality of your life than showing up late to an interview.
7. Assuming the worst and saying it is self-preservation
Running through all of the possible scenarios, good and bad, and then assessing how you would deal with them is not necessarily a bad thing to do to ease your mind. However, if you automatically assume the worst no matter what the situation is, you will close the door of any possible unexpected goodness taking place. It might seem to be a safer course of action to put the armor on now even though nothing has warranted it, but it will keep you inflexible and unable to move with the beauty of possibility.
Clutter, extra sporting equipment, extra clothes, extra furniture, let it go.
9. Stressing about inconsequential life hiccups: bad traffic, long lines, slow tellers, etc. Revel in the opportunity to slow down and just be present.
10. Worrying about what other people think
People will think what they think. But know they are seeing it through their own lens, and you have no idea what that perspective is. Own your beautiful, amazing self. Stay in your lane and enjoy the journey.
11. Past relationships that didn’t work out . . . because they weren’t supposed to. Move forward, move upward and be thankful for the opportunity.
12. Wanting to control everything
We simply cannot control everything, and when we continue to try, we reduce our ability to control what we can in the best way possible to render the most satisfactory results. Take a deep breath, and recognize where you have a role, a responsibility and then own your part to the best of your ability.
13. Expectations
I used to despise the quote that stated one should never expect in order to never be disappointed. And while I still am not a huge fan, I do now understand the premise. When we let go, we cannot be disappointed due to the absence of something. However, I hold out hope and refrain from being cynical, so when something does occur that is worth applauding, I can respond with sincere elation.
14. Comparisons
Appreciating anything or anyone for being what or who they are requires an observant, appreciate and secure individual. While we can certainly be inspired by others, knowing we are each on our own journey, makes it easier to applaud and support others as they journey through their life and we journey through ours.
15. The belief that you must always be happy and comfortable
Social media would have us believe that happiness is a constant state of being. Nope, not true. And we do ourselves a disservice by judging our level of happiness and then berating ourselves when we can’t seem to maintain such a high and happy mood all the day through. Knowing how to ride the waves of ups and downs well is a skill, and to come to understand that even during the not so great days, a wonderful one is around the corner, is a skill in bolstering our happiness we must teach ourselves.
16. Thinking you must fit in somewhere
Understandably, we wish to find our “tribe”, our people that we have something in common with. But even when we do, we each have unique characteristics that don’t entirely align. That is perfect fine and actually a very good thing. The key is to not squash your uniqueness. The key is to water it and allow it to blossom as you continue to reach your full potential. Secure individuals will appreciate your true self, as they will appreciate when you applaud their uniqueness. Often what makes us unique is what can bring us great contentment so long as we do not squander it and try to hide it from the world. An important part of learning how to blossom is establishing and building healthy, loving and supportive relationships as well as having the courage to let go of those relationships that are not.
17. Insecurities
We all have insecurities. And while at times it may seem that others are perfectly secure in their lives, the truth is, we all have something we are a bit unsure of. Some of us have just figured out how to accept the reality of being human and refused to let it stand in our way. The key is to observe and recognize where in our lives we are feeling insecure, then ask ourselves why and then seek out ways to improve and reduce the insecurity. No doubt as soon as you improve one insecurity and begin to stretch yourself, you will experience another as you may be entering new territory or introduced to something you have never known or done before, but that is actually evidence that you are growing, and remaining curious about the world. Good for you, for you will never be bored and always find something to engage you and enrich your life.
18. Ignoring your health
19. Keeping everyone happy
Similar to #15, no one will be happy all of the time, no matter what we do. And when those we love are not, while we can do what we can to reassure, support and improve, understanding that such waves are okay, actually brings calm as well. When we understand the rhythms of life, we welcome more tranquility into our every days and we are less likely to blow something that is rather small and insignificant out of proportion.
20. Jealousy
21. Expecting perfection in yourself, your partner, friends, family, etc.
22. Overspending
Going to bed at night knowing your checkbook is balanced, debts are paid and you are falling asleep in a safe home. Refrain from purchasing items unless you need them.
23. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations
Having a difficult conversation or asking uncomfortable questions initially is not easy, especially if we have never done it before with a particular person, but if both individuals have the intention of committing to each other and building the relationship, these exact conversations will help to strength the connection. Knowing how to communicate with respect, tact and kindness is crucial, and in so doing, much can be learned and much growth can occur.
24. Passive aggressive behavior
Pulling back, refraining from saying anything and simply brooding is a coward’s approach to resolving issues. It is a way of inflicting suffering on others when you do not know how to handle an unwanted or uncomfortable situation in a manner that respects all individuals involved. Stop. Let go of this behavior, even if you have seen it work for others in the past. It may have worked for that person, but it didn’t not work for the people in their lives. Rather it was a means of trying to control others and the situation and ultimately made others uncomfortable and ruined perfectly enjoyable situations.
25. Thoughts that do not serve you and the journey are wanting to travel
The mastery of the mind is a skill that is fundamental for living a beautiful life. Knowing we can determine what thoughts run through our mind means we can reduce unnecessary worry, suffering and doubt. It also means we can cultivate a beautiful world and endless possibilities of joy all while sitting down with our morning tea or coffee.
26. Assuming others are happier, more successful, and have it all figured out.
Sure, many people are living amazing lives, but so are you. Remember, life is a journey and none of us are at the final destination as we are all works of art in progress, figuring it out as we go, trying to balance and juggle all of the opportunities and challenges life grants us. Each of us will have different tasks to learn how to adjust to, master and move forward from, and not everyone will understand or know what we are in the middle of. With this in mind, stay in your lane, focus on your journey and let go of comparison.
27. Not appreciating where you are right now in your life
When we dismiss the moment we are in at the current stage in our life, right now, we forget to be grateful. We forget to be grateful for all that is going well. We forget to be grateful for the seemingly inconsequential that is actually quite significant after all. And until we can be sincerely be grateful for the position we are at in life at this very moment, we will never be able to fully appreciate where we are tomorrow or the next day. Remember that today is indeed a gift, so treasure it, savor it and you will be assured every day moving forward will have something to appreciate as well.
While such a list can absolutely continue, knowing now, at this very moment, each of us can rid ourselves of habits that are holding us back is a beautiful reminder that those habits, thoughts and approaches which no longer service us can be let go and in so doing we will be more than just fine. In fact, we will begin to allow ourselves to thrive. By letting go, we open our days, our lives and ourselves up to an abundant world of beautiful experiences, memories and opportunities that would not have been possible if we had chosen to maintain a parochial approach to living.
Image: source
Why Not . . . Let Go?: 30 Things to Bid Adieu To
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”– Raymond Lindquist
I can remember quite vividly the first time I rode my bike without training wheels. I was four or five years old, and we were bicycling in our neighbors long drive-way. I don’t remember how long I rode with training wheels, but the moment I was riding without them, it felt as it should have been all along.
I was pedaling by myself. I was smiling from ear to ear, and it was simple because I didn’t have to battle my hesitancy, my reluctancy and instead I simply trusted myself. Trusted myself to understand the rhythm of the bike, how to maintain momentum and how to correct when needed.
Letting go of habits that do not serve us can be scary, much like letting go of our training wheels. The habits, much like the training wheels appear to give us safety, security and clear boundaries, but in reality, they hold us back from reaching our fullest potential.
Here is another analogy that I was reminded of this winter whilst traveling over snow and ice packed mountain passes with streams of travelers. Trucks and some cars chose to gear their vehicles with chains (understand for the trucks who were carrying extreme weight, but for vehicles that weren’t, it forced them to only drive 30 mph no matter what the road conditions were. And while the chains were indeed valuable in very unique situations, for the remainder of the trip, they caused damage to the roads and slowed everyone (who had traction tires) down unnecessarily. Now, I am not saying to refrain from putting on chains. Absolutely not. Safety is paramount, and I’d rather go slow than not make it at all, but the here’s the similarity between chains on tires and holding onto habits that no longer serve us even when we may have had good intentions when we adopted them: they limit us from reaching the quality of life we seek to attain and experience.
Since 2017 began, I have been contemplating the habits, ideas and approaches to living that cause me strife, anxiety, and mental exhaustion. And while you may be wondering, Well, if they’re causing such negative responses, why do you hold on to them? you have to understand that these are defaults that arose out of protection based, for good reason, on experiences from the past. However, these experiences took place in the past, and I, as we all have with each day we wake up, was no longer in the past, but instead the present. And if indeed my habits were causing negative responses in me, perhaps I needed to reassess their presence in my way of going about living.
Today, I’d like to share with you 30 habits, choices, ways of living to let go of. At some point all of these items had to be relinquished by myself: some quite some time ago and some more recently. Either way, having let them go, the quality of my life has risen even if at first the angst of making such a choice gave me great pause as I wondering what awaited me on the other side of each change I was instituted in my life.
Let go of . . .
1. Unhealthy, toxic, destructive relationships
Who cares if they are family, who cares if they have been in your life for years, who cares if they mean well. If they hold you down, cause you pain (emotional and/or physically), dash your hopes and hurt your spirit, let them go.
2. The timeline you had for your life that you are clinging to. Ultimately, your stubborn grasp is what is denying you the opportunity to experience a beautiful life.
3. The fear of abandonment
When we fear we will be abandoned, denied, or rejected, we cling even harder and in so doing begin to push others away. Discover how to stand on your own two feet, enjoy your own company and be your own best friend. Knowing the one person who you depend upon, you, cannot and will not abandon you, releases your need to cling out of desperation and fear onto others.
4. Stereotypes
Instead of making assumptions about who someone is based on shared similarities with a particular group that you think you understand, take the time to get to know the person, the individual. And then remind yourself, you wouldn’t want to be pigeoned-holed based on what “group” your exterior, ethnicity or sex associates you with, so refrain from limiting others as well.
5. Absolutes
Each one of us is human which means we will make mistakes. We will have bad days, we will have moments we wish we could change. With this in mind, remind yourself that the people in your life will not be perfect and neither will you. No one person is 100% good or 100% bad. This is not to say you shouldn’t be clear about what you can and won’t tolerate, but be patient with people and yourself.
6. Cynicism
A negative perspective on the world will no more improve the quality of your life than showing up late to an interview.
7. Assuming the worst and saying it is self-preservation
Running through all of the possible scenarios good and bad, and then assessing how you would deal with them is not necessarily a bad thing to do to ease your mind. However, if you automatically assume the worst no matter who wonder the situation is, you will close the door of any possible unexpected goodness taking place. It might seem to be a safer course of action to put the armor on now even though nothing has warranted it, but it will keep you inflexible and unable to move with the beauty of possibility.
Clutter, extra sporting equipment, extra clothes, extra furniture, let it go.
9. Stressing about inconsequential life hiccups: bad traffic, long lines,
10. Worrying about what other people think
People will think what they think. But know they are seeing it through their own lens, and you have no idea what that perspective is. Own your beautiful, amazing self. Stay in your lane and enjoy the journey.
11. Past relationships that didn’t work out . . . because they weren’t supposed to. Move forward, move upward and be thankful for the opportunity.
12. Wanting to control everything
We simply cannot control everything, and when we continue to try, we reduce our ability to control what we can in the best way possible to render the most satisfactory results. Take a deep breath, and recognize where you have a role, a responsibility and then own your part to the best of your ability.
13. Expectations
I used to despise the quote that stated one should never expect in order to never be disappointed. And while I still am not a huge fan, I do now understand the premise. When we let go, we cannot be disappointed due to the absence of something. However, I hold out hope and refrain from being cynical, so when something does occur that is worth applauding, I can respond with sincere elation.
14. Comparisons
Appreciating anything or anyone for being what or who they are requires an observant, appreciate and secure individual. While we can certainly be inspired by others, knowing we are each on our own journey, makes it easier to applaud and support others as they journey through their life and we journey through ours.
15. The belief that you must always be happy and comfortable
Social media would have us believe that happiness is a constant state of being. Nope, not true. And we do ourselves a disservice by judging our level of happiness and then berating ourselves when we can’t seem to maintain such a high and happy mood all the day through.
16. Thinking you must fit in somewhere
17. Insecurities
18. Ignoring your health
19. Keeping everyone happy
20. Jealousy
21. Expecting perfection in yourself, your partner, friends, family, etc.
22. Overspending
Going to bed at night knowing your checkbook is balanced, debts are paid and you are falling asleep in a safe home. Refrain from purchasing items unless you need them.
23. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations
24. Passive aggressive behavior
25. Thoughts that do not serve you and the journey are wanting to travel
26. Assuming those others are happier, more successful, and have it all figured out.
27. Not appreciating where you are right now in your life.
While such a list can absolutely continue, knowing now, at this very moment, each of us can rid ourselves of habits that our holding us back is a beautiful reminder that those habits, thoughts and approaches that no longer service us can be let go.
Image: source
February 28, 2017
12 Discoveries Unearthed During My 38th Year
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” —Oprah Winfrey
Our lives can travel at impeccable speeds, as months and years can fly by without a realization of what has happened, but so too can our days be gradual, steady and something to savor so long as we live well, live in such a way to appreciate the life we’ve created for ourselves and have the opportunity to live.
With the arrival of my 38th birthday today, it is the first birthday that the last year has been spent entirely being a resident of Bend, Oregon. I know some readers tire of me speaking of my new hometown, but it is really less about where I live and more about the gift we can each give ourselves if we choose to recognize and then respond as we take risks that speak to us and refuse to leave our mind until we act.
Hands down, without a question in my mind, the decision I made in the spring of 2015 was the most monumental decision of my life thus far. To some, this decision is laughable as I merely hopped four hours to another town in Oregon, and to others it was a ginormous life change. It is not for anyone’s approval I made the decision, but soley my own. And that should be the case for you as well as you look at your life and you ponder a change, a leap, a shift. It should be for you, and in doing so, you will begin to come into your best self, or at least be given the opportunity to do so.
As I have done many years in the past on my birthday (see the end of the post for archived posts), birthdays are a special event. Regardless of whom I spend it with or with anyone at all, it is an intimate celebration of living a life that makes me smile, laugh, and appreciate all that I have had the opportunity to experience, even the struggles, even the tears and especially the moments of pure delight and disbelief as life surpasses expectations.
Below are twelve discoveries I came across these past twelve months that I still cannot quite believe I had the fortune to experience:
1. Being extremely busy for a short duration is just fine if you are doing something you love.
From January to June I took two quarters of French at the local community college, and while it made my weekly routine extremely busy, and reduced my ability to work on the blog as much I needed, I was reminded why I loved the French language and am thankful I enrolled. Discover all that I learned here.
2. Don’t be afraid to look a fool; often it is only you who feels as though you are.
I attended my first French conversation group in March. Knew very little French, but willed myself to attend. And in so doing met beautiful individuals who no more thought I was a fool than I thought I was speaking fluent French. Ah! The angst we put ourselves through for no reason!
3. Tending to the yard and garden, no matter how small is powerful, therapeutic and rewarding.
My garden is smaller, but my yard is larger, and so I decided to invest in a landscaper to bring my yard back to its original glory, and then I would take over from there. The previous tenant took care of it adequately, but as someone who appreciates looking out the office window and seeing a plush yard, as well as a back yard to relax in and enjoy the birds, a playful ball-chasing romp with the boys, or laying on the hammock with a book, I wanted a yard I loved to be in. And with that a garden was planted, the grass came back, hydrangeas, hosts and lavender were planted and many moments were spent outside with the birds, the boys and a book without a clock to look at.
4. Say yes, even if it scares you after you get over your exhilaration upon receiving the invitation.
5. Host a dinner party, turn on the music, dress up, serve courses or don’t, but make your guests feel special.
6. Invest in your dreams
The blog redesign was a significant undertaking that involved me asking myself what I saw for the future of TSLL brand. Needless to say, I saw a simply luxurious home for readers to continue to visit, to explore, to learn, to be inspired and enjoy themselves all the while reach a fullest potential that is uniquely their own, and so the decision was made.
7. Do something new that you love even if you don’t know how it will work out.
In August the first TSLL French Week took place to a great reception. Not only was it fun to put together, but it was fun to hear from readers and discover what they enjoyed. Needless to say, TSLL French Week will return this coming summer.
8. Invest in experiences over things.
In September I invested in a trip that I will be taking far down the road. And while I have many months to wait, I have many months to look forward to what I will get to see, do, learn and explore, and so the planning has already begun and my excitement is continuing to build.
9. Doing something you’ve never done often reveals skills you didn’t realized you’ve been honing for just such occasion.
In October the first of two guest appearances on Portland’s KATU-TV (ABC) Afternoon Live! took place. Admittedly, I was nervous, but with the help of a seasoned and welcoming host, I am thankful that they both went well.
10. Remember that life will never stop amazing you if you hold onto your plans loosely.
Sometimes surprises from out of the blue really do happen so long as you don’t slam the door simply because it doesn’t fit into your definition of what your life “should” look like. Be open, be willing to explore and you might just be pleasantly surprised.
11. Ask for your wildest dreams. Every once in awhile, the universe has exactly what you’re looking for.
12. Stand strong in who you know yourself to be, hold on to hope and let go of expectation.
And with that another year begins. Another year of being alive, healthy, happy and open to more lessons and moments to celebrate. My gratitude knows no bounds. I do hope your birthday year is going well no matter when it began, and that you too are pinching yourself for getting the opportunity to live a “brand new day with no mistakes in it” one more time each and every day you open your eyes after a deep night’s sleep.
~BIRTHDAY POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES:
~10 Birthday Revelations After 37 Years
~Birthday #35: Appreciative and Exhilarated
~Birthday #34: A Work in Progress
Wrapped in Warmth
Beginning with the classic trench, a belted coat of any length, fabric or hue is a classic item to bring into your wardrobe. Whether for winter, spring, summer or fall, cinching your waist provides structure and flexibility for whatever outfit is worn beneath while also being available to serve as a top layer to complement your outfit should you leave it unbelted.
Begin by looking for classic colors: khaki, black, tan and navy, but then begin to venture out based on your coloring and lifestyle. Perhaps you will find a black leather coat like the one seen above that while in a classic color, makes a significant statement about the women wearing it.
~View more Style Inspiration here and shop Capsule Wardrobe coats and outerwear here.
February 27, 2017
20 Ways to Incorporate Your Love for the French Culture into Your Everyday
~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio
Recently a good friend of mine who is learning French as well, and inspires me with her advanced abilities, asked how my learning was progressing. Disappointed even to say it out loud, I stated I haven’t been studying regularly. And while that is entirely true, I find myself playing with the little bit of the language I do know unconsciously throughout my days and in conversations and activities spent with those who know the language.
I continue to share and be enticed by French-themed posts, articles and books, and have shared much of what I find on my Twitter feed, but it became glaringly apparent that I haven’t written a Francophile post/episode in quite some time.
However, as my recent daily schedule has shifted ever-so-slightly to make time for a special individual in my life, I am even more appreciative of the simply luxurious approach to living. In fact, it is the approach I write about here on TSLL and share on the podcast that enable me to let go, appreciate, and savor the everyday moments and unexpected extraordinary moments in the ordinary routine. The realization of the approach of letting go of the unnecessary and focusing on the necessary being the key to easily flexing with life has inspired me to ardently protect and cultivate further these aspects, many of which are inspired by what I appreciate about the French, and some would argue western-European culture.
1. Depend on flavors from herbs, spices and ordinary cooking staples to enhance the flavor of food
After a recent conversation with an acquaintance from Belgium, I was reminded of the flavorful approach the French and other European countries take to cooking. First of all, they cook, they play with the food and the flavors and they don’t bury their food in thick, sugar-laden sauces. The simple sautéing of garlic and shallots in olive oil to provide a flavorful aromatic base or finishing with lemon to maximize the flavor. How about adding some thyme or rosemary and don’t forget the salt and pepper while you are cooking.
2. Discover the pleasure of thoughtful conversation; let go of small talk
Part of being a good conversationalist is caring about what your fellow-converser is saying. Secondly, it requires of both to let go of where the conversation might lead. This is not easy for goal-driven, busy Americans. We want to accomplish something, complete it and move on. However, deeper, more intimate relationships cannot be built on demand. Slow down, relax and let the conversation flow naturally. Forget looking at the clock and just enjoy the moment.
3. Cook at home unless a restaurant can do it better
Stock and prepare a kitchen that lends itself well to cooking whatever may be in the refrigerator on any given night. Make sure your Épicerie is properly stocked and the necessary cooking utensils are at the ready. Then, begin to experiment. Initially, this can be intimating, but with advice from those who know how, observation and practice, you will be whipping up delicious, simple, satiating meals Monday through Sunday if you so desire. (Learn more about how to become a cook in your kitchen here and here.)
4. Reexamine your diet. Eat flavorful, satiating food rather than empty calories.
Eating well involves an appreciation of the food your are eating as well as respecting your body. We shouldn’t have to swear off the delicious in order to tend to our cholesterol, etc. Moderation is the key and that requires of each of us knowledge about how the foods we eat affect our bodies. While eating is necessary, doing so mindlessly shouldn’t be part of our approach. For example, reduce the soda intake and increase the fruit and vegetable consumption.
5. Savor a glass of wine with a home cooked meal, any day of the week
To complement, not to cloud. Wine with dinner, a beautifully thoughtful dinner carefully prepared and presented deserves a savory partner in the form of a glass of wine. Sip, nibble, slow down and savor the culinary moment in front of you.
6. Reduce refined sugar
White sugar, white flour, packaged, processed foods with additives. In other words, know what you are putting into your body and what those ingredients do to you body. (Read more here about my January – one month resolution to reduce or eliminate refined sugar.)
7. Think for yourself
Have an opinion grounded in fact. Take the time to be aware of the world around you and refrain from rash assumptions. Being tactful in your approach and being aware of your audience reduces the need to be politically correct. Rather be honest, thoughtful and open to discussion.
8. Fall in love with daily rituals
From my morning ritual breakfast of steel oats to my Friday evening unwind that begins with a long walk with the boys, cultivating daily, even weekly and monthly rituals gives us something to look forward to regularly. As someone who loves to step into the kitchen and prepare a meal, this daily ritual is something I enjoy beyond measure. Maybe for you it is your weekly yoga class or sitting down with the newspaper or a new magazine. Whatever your rituals are, protect them and cherish them.
9. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
In #11 below, skincare will be discussed and part of an effective skincare routine is drinking water. Keep the consumption of alcohol and sugar drinks low and making water your drink of choice.
10. Treasure the dining experience
Sit down for meals, set the table, turn off the television, converse, slow down. Add some flowers to the table to make it inviting even when not in use. Create a space that beckons to guests, asking them to sit down and enjoy a memorable moment.
11. Master a skincare routine
Last month I shared with you eight of my favorite skincare products. Some items are inexpensive and some are an investment. However, the attention we pay to our skin is not a vain task. It is a task modeling respect for ourselves and the visage and therefore, the woman we present to the world. Figuring out the skincare routine that will work best for your skin and age will take time and will in some aspects be an ever evolving process, but most items you discover that work for you, will work for you throughout your lifetime. Go, explore and then, pamper yourself each day.
12. Embrace the capsule approach to style
Less is more and simple, well curated style speaks volumes, beautiful, powerful volumes, about the woman wearing the clothes. Learn more about the capsule wardrobe approach here.
13. Reserve social media for what inspires you
The reason I follow the Instagram accounts I do is to tap into inspiration, beauty and a reminder of all that is full of goodness, diversity and unexpected magnificence in simplicity that surrounds us each day. Rarely do the accounts I follow include selfies, but rather city and nature scapes, a creative fashion combination, books, museum exhibits and vignettes of my favorite places around the world. Why not share with the world what inspires you and never know who will be moved.
14. Let go of trying too hard and begin to trust yourself
Last Monday morning I woke up to sunshine and blue skies in Bend, Oregon. The birds were beginning to chirp and the snow was gradually melting. I looked outside and I just smiled. Sometimes, we get in our own way of savoring the gift that is life. In all of its simplicity, for some reason we think it has to be hard, and if it’s not, we make it so by over-analyzing, doubting, sabotaging and over-extending ourselves.
Life and how we exist in it is simple, and it begins with being present, savoring the everyday, listening to yourself and adjusting to let go of what doesn’t serve you and seek out what does and how you can contribute positively to the world. The everydays are the best part. And while it is a grand and necessary task to set goals, set them and then focus on what can be done today, allowing the unexpected to occur and dance with the days as they unfold.
15. Savor a piece of dark chocolate regularly
Whenever I share my daily ritual of eating a dark chocolate truffle with a cup of hot tea each evening I do not partake in dessert, some nod their head and contemplate adding it to their routine and others chuckle at its either decadence or simplicity. Either way, I love this daily ritual and have been incorporating into my life since near the blog’s commencement. The powers of dark chocolate are subtle, yet powerful and the flavor is magnificent.
16. Keep your Sundays sacred
Speaking of rituals, one of my favorite rituals takes place on Sunday (last week it took place on Monday due to my schedule, but I made sure to savor it all the same – see below). The Sunday newspapers arrive (three in total), the hot tea is poured after a long walk with the boys and a croissant is often part of the moment as well. Hours can pass before I’ve made it through all of the intriguing articles.
No matter how you prefer to spend your Sunday, protect, guard it and remember that doing so is an investment in the quality of your life and specifically in the kicking off of the week to come, ensuring it has its best chance possible to be a week to enjoy.
~The New Essentials of French Cooking via The New York Times~
17. Think critically
A few years ago I shared a post inspired by a book titled The Thinking Life: How to Thrive in the Age of Distraction . And in sharing and in teaching rhetoric in my second job that isn’t blogging, I continue to be more convinced that the thinking life is the best way to live. Taking in all that we are exposed to can be overwhelming, but knowing how to do so effectively will enable us to live well. By applying the tools of rhetoric established by Aristotle to examine any piece of information that we come across, we can make sure we are not being led around by the nose and are indeed thinking for ourselves.
18. Revel and appreciate your uniqueness
America is a self-help culture, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to grow (see #19), not believing we are enough or not accepting ourselves for who we are in this moment, right now, is not easy for many of us. After all, if we could just lose those last few pounds, if we could just earn a slightly larger paycheck, if we could just fix our relationship status, focusing entirely, constantly on these “small” changes robs us of the now. And who you are right now, however flawed, is a beautiful thing.
19. Invest in Intellectual Wealth
Make learning one of your favorite pastimes. Whether it is learning how to skate ski (as I did this winter season for the first time), learning how the three branches of the U.S. government work regarding checks and balances, or learning how to cook Sole Meunière. Tickle your mind and follow your curiosity and you will always find youth to be alive within you.
20. Quality over Quantity in all things
The following 19 ways to incorporate the French culture into your everyday life, at their core, involve appreciating the experience and allowing what works well to exist without the excess. Quality, quality, quality. Above all else quality. And what works well for you may not be what works well for someone else, so what each of us chooses to invest in will indeed be different. But if your goal is to build a life that enables you to enjoy the everyday, and not constantly be dreaming about tomorrow, then your tomorrows need not to be worried about for you are ensuring now, today, in this moment, that they will be magnificent as well.
~SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY FROM THE ARCHIVES:
~Why Not . . . Be Fascinated by the French Culture?
~8 Ways to Master the French Mystique
~The French Way: How to Create a Luxurious Everyday Life (podcast #23)
~Petit Plaisir
~The Good Fight on CBS All Access
Image: source
February 24, 2017
This & That: February 24, 2017
Beauty
— La Roche-Posay Redermic R Anti-Aging Serum
A favorite fashion and beauty magazine of mine is Porter, and in their most recent issue for spring, the recommendation of La Roche-Posay’s retinol serum for reducing wrinkles and smoothing your skin’s texture was included. Already a fan of their facial 50 spf sunscreen, and after reading the high user reviews, I put it on my wish list. I will be sure to rave about it if all goes as expected in an upcoming Petit Plaisir segment on the podcast.
Book
—The Sellout: A Novel by Paul Beatty
Now available in paperback, Paul Beatty’s satirical novel which won numerous awards and was quickly a best-seller depicts a young man and his journey to the Supreme Court as part of a highly charged race trial. While not for the faint of heart, those who have read it and recommend it, warn it is a book readers are loving.
Dining
—Schott Zwiesel Forte Water Goblets
Water for dining is a must, but why not pour your water into beautiful goblets? Available on sale with promo code PASTA17 for 20% off, these Schott Zwiesel Forte water goblets are a classic addition to your table setting.
Francophile Find
—Flâneuse: Women Walk the City in Paris, New York, Tokyo, Venice and London by Lauren Elkin
Be released on Tuesday, Lauren Elkin’s new book follows her journeys through the various cities of once she lived and wandered. A flâneuse is a woman who walks and looks, walks and wonders, walks and explores. And Elkin’s part memoir part city excursion is receiving positive reviews. Perhaps a beautiful escape as winter winds down and the travel season dances in our minds.
Shopping
—Marni wool-crepe dress
Reduced 60%, Marni’s wool-crepe dress in papaya is a beautiful shift for day or evening and for a variety of seasons as well. Mix up the accessories and each time a different, yet chic outfit emerges.
—Roberto Cavalli printed silk scarf
Having beautiful scarves on hand is never a bad idea, and Roberto Cavalli’s silk print scarf with blush, black and ivory are beautiful colors to pair with a solid ensemble.
~recipe for Lemon Posset Tart~
The fashion month rolls on, and now is alive and well in Italy. Fendi’s collection, as showcased in the above image, offered an abundance of sheer lace detail over feminine tailored silhouette creations. Skirt lengths are longer, fabric is en masse and much drapery and coverage is prevalent. My curiosity for the week in Paris, which begins on Tuesday, is certainly piqued and I am especially looking forward to viewing former Valentino creative director and now Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri as she reveals her first fall collection.
The work week was short, but it was certainly full. Full of expectations needing to be met, differing schedules from the norm as well as time to savor the everyday routines. I must admit, I look forward to returning home from the school day, stepping over the threshold and stepping into my evening responsibilities. Responsibilities that bring joy and fulfillment and calm: cooking, walking, writing, relaxing. How about you? How was your week? Hopefully, you are geared up and ready for the weekend. The Oscar weekend at that! And I am looking forward to watching with friends and seeing how few or many correct guesses I end up with as the winners are announced Sunday evening. Wishing you a lovely last weekend in February and below are a few articles I think you might enjoy. Until Monday, bonne journée!
~The article readers have been asking about for weeks is now available to online: A Unique Uniform: Womenswear Basics with Subtle Twists
~The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself Before Decided to Be in a Relationship
~How Restaurants Politely Keep Diners on Schedule
~The French Language: 9 Reasons it is More Important to the French Than Once Thought
~Can living in France Make You Become French?
~Traveling? Check out where insiders find the best deals.
~Benjamin Franklin’s Daily Schedule
~Discover this French guru’s take on beauty, life and food
February 23, 2017
Pinstripe Perfection
~J.Crew Belted Sheath Dress in Pinstripe (navy or charcoal)~
~Ralph Lauren Twill Trench Coat, stone~
~Stuart Weitzman Legend Leather Pointed-Toe Pump~
~Banana Republic Portfolio Structured Leather Tote (other colors available)~
~Kenneth Jay Lane gold-plated mother-of-pearl earrings~
~Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived Joyful Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans
~SHOP THE OUTFIT:
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Luxurious Lake Living
In Winnipeg, Manitoba, situated along the south shore of Lake Rosseau, is a coastal-inspired home to beckon you to relax, unwind and bask in luxury. From the open concept, white-bright kitchen to the brilliant sunroom situated at the edges of the lake shores next to the covered dock for your boat, tour this home and be amazed at how lake living can easily become luxurious and simply all at the same time.
All images via Canadian Log Homes
February 22, 2017
11 Life Truths About Contentment That Seem Impossible Until We Experience Them
As children and young adults, and possibly even as adults, we hear from innumerable persons the axioms of living a happy life: marry your best friend, live like today is your last, or life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. Okay, seriously? Didn’t Diane von Furstenberg tell us to be our own best friend, so how would that work? And if I live like today is my last, I will have no money in my bank account, and if I am making other plans, that is my life. Period.
There is a reason some pearls of wisdom continue to be shared, and sometimes it is simply because they are far too simple to memorize and repeat, not because they are true. However, there are many words of wisdom that are true, but initially when we hear them, we think it cannot be possible. And for us doubtful, such words share an impossibility because we haven’t had the opportunity to experience for ourselves. Which is why sometimes it isn’t until we experience it for ourselves that we finally come to understand and see the truth behind the statement.
1. Savoring sweet memories is as wonderful as creating them
“Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.” —Dalai Lama
For nearly every year of my life, I would look at this quote and dismiss its validity. But now I dismiss it no more. When we fully allow ourselves to be present, vulnerable and engaged with a moment that is free of expectations, free of resistance and free of limitations, amazing moments can be experienced. And while we do not know in that moment if they will happen again, knowing we let go and stepped in the moment, allows us each to reflect in the days, weeks, months and years to follow with a smile and complete joy as we savor what had occurred.
2. When you love your life, you don’t rush through it
It used to be a default in my twenties that upon meeting someone romantically I was interested in, I couldn’t wait until the next date. So much so, the rest of my life would be unconsciously put on hold or take a back seat. Upon reflection, I now know that I wasn’t in love with my life ten years ago. I was still in the process of building, learning and seeking out what type of life I wanted whether I was single or coupled, and that meant I wasn’t at peace.
Currently, as I shared a few weeks ago in the weekly newsletter, if we love the life we have cultivate for ourselves: the routines, the rituals, and we are the curator instead of depending on others for our contentment, we don’t want to rush over our daily routines. We do not want to rush to the next date because we want to savor what has taken place as well as step back into our daily routines to regain our balance, knowing while we do indeed want to love, we also are thankful that it is the icing on the cake. A cake that is scrumptious and flavorful all on its own.
3. Eating well and taking care of your body feels amazing
The moment we eat too much or the wrong item that doesn’t feed us, fuel us or enhance our abilities, we are reminded of how powerful eating well and taking care of our bodies can be. The foundation of all happiness is physical and mental well-being, so we can partake in the life we love and have built for ourselves. In the moment when we are hungry or weak, we may gravitate toward what won’t truly feed our hunger, but if we can catch ourselves and be reminded of the simple gift we can give our bodies and minds, the decision becomes easier to eat well and stay active.
4. Giving just because brings an abundance of peace
As a child, this was a hard truth to even attempt to entertain. Much like the character of Huck Finn, it seems unfathomable to imagine feeling joyful when we give without expectation or recognition. But it is. Thinking of others and knowing what would help them or express our love for them is to be loving, truly loving. Love doesn’t ask for reciprocity, it simply gives to enliven and bring comfort the recipient.
5. Worry is the bandit of contentment
Ninety percent of what we worry about does not materialize, so why then do we worry? Biologically we may be conditioned to protect ourselves, but that is a weak excuse for individuals who are intelligent, analytical and self-sufficient. To worry robs our days of joy waiting to be experienced. When we worry about outcomes, others’ opinions, the future, we cause ourselves to stumble and miss an opportunity to connect more deeply, laugh more fully and grow into our fullest potential.
6. The power of nature is profound
After a long absence from experiencing nature on a regular basis in my youth to now have it at my backdoor every day of the week, the past twenty months have revealed to me the power of Mother Nature. The sun in the morning as I walk the dogs, the engagement with snow after it refuses to stop. Regular time in nature reduces stress, puts our worries into perspective and offers time to let our minds wander, discovering creative ideas we may never have grasped.
7. Kindness married with courage to let go of the outcome = true contentment
Helping others prompted by the intuitive sense that they could use what we may be able to offer or enjoy what we may be able to give, courage to speak up, reach out or make ourselves vulnerable and let go of how it will be received moves us across the line of “wanting happiness and contentment” to “attaining true contentment”.
8. Live with hope, let go of expectations
Letting go is the crucial piece to attaining happiness. In fact, economists Rakesh Sarin and Manel Baucells, revealed the equation to attaining happiness in their book Engineering Happiness. Happiness equals reality minus expectations. So often we have a vision of how it will all work out, and in doing so, the rigidity zaps other beautiful possibilities from maturing or even being considered.
All we have control over is ourselves and our own development to reach our fullest potential. We cannot know how people and the world at large will respond to what we put on display. But when we let go of the expectations, we enable an entire world of possibilities to unfold.
9. Remaining curious continually opens the doors to amazement
Curiosity is the vitamin for remaining youthful our entire lives. Curiosity is the key to journeying toward what we are meant to do in this world, who we are meant to meet and how the world will forever continue to excite and amaze us.
10. Writing thoughts, worries, wonders in a journal each day alleviates the angst
The easiest and cheapest counseling session you can give yourself is simply writing in your journal for 10-30 minutes each night. Often, even when thoughts and ideas are bouncing around in our heads, we can’t fully know what we are thinking, what we are fearful of and what we are hopeful for. But when we demand that the ideas, fears and wonders go onto a piece of paper, the truth spilleth out and often we calm down as we realize how blown-out of proportion the worry we had had become in our minds.
11. Taking risks opens the doors to the unexpected
Not all the risks you take will pan out the way you had hoped (but remember, no expectations). However, even from unfilled hopes we build courage, we build tenacity and we build ourselves into someone stronger, more confident and resilient with the lessons we acquire. Taking risks is a must if we are going to live a life that we enjoy living each day. We must figure out what we want, figure out what isn’t working and why and then have the courage to make a change.
Each of these eleven life truths were hard, at least for me, to accept as truth until we experience them for ourselves. While there are many lessons we can learn through observation of others without even stepping foot into the arena, sometimes we just have to get our hands dirty and see what it feels like to, following #11’s advice, leap and trust that no matter what happens we will be just fine. Because after all, we have become more clear about what we want and have begun to build a life that we enjoy living each day.
~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
~38 Invaluable Truths About Attaining Happiness
Image: source
February 21, 2017
Paris Street Style: Sandra Semburg
We are in the midst of fashion month and that means scouring IG and blogs for the latest street style. That also means an abundance of inspiration is at our fingertips from the talented photographers, one of which I would like to introduce you to – Sandra Semburg.
Sandra Semburg captures street style images for Vogue Paris, as well as from the streets of Berlin, along with the City of Light. And as a precursor to the finale of Fashion Week when Paris is its host beginning on Tuesday February 28th, I suggest following her blog or her instagram feed. This week’s Style Inspiration features a few of my favorite street style images from seasons past. {To learn more about each image, simply click}.
~See more Style Inspiration here.
