AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 37

You cannot rewind Life

If you want to understand the value of Life, spend an hour outside the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a hospital. You will get it!
My father-in-law went into ICU a couple of days ago. Standing outside the ICU, waiting for our turn to visit him, my thoughts went to the other families who, like us, had gathered there to visit their dear ones. Everyone was prayerful, hopeful, worried and anxious – all at the same time. Once inside, when I saw my father-in-law, I once again realized how Life, over time, changes everything – and everyone. My father-in-law is the simplest soul you will find on the planet. A scholar, a teacher, an embodiment of ethics and discipline, a nature lover and a rock climber in his younger days. He had been “fit as a fiddle” (as he would often joke) until just a few years back. But yesterday, he was looking so frail and completely at the mercy of Life – he had suffered a mild stroke that has impaired his speech totally; so he was struggling to even communicate with us. When I came out of the ICU, I couldn’t miss the significance of my realization: “The human body cannot go on forever. Whoever you are, you will be physically felled one day. So, the best way to live is to live each day fully and humbly, doing what you believe in and while being compassionate to everyone around you.” My father-in-law has lived Life this way for all of his 84 years.
Most of us, unfortunately, miss this learning and so, fail to awaken to this realization. We go on wanting to control our lives and those of others around us. We are so full of ourselves – our opinions, our successes and our wants. Earlier this past week, I had a participant at a change-management workshop I was leading who was constantly disrupting the proceedings trying to flaunt her opinions and knowledge. She was continuously choosing to differ with my choice of words or with the examples I was using to explain concepts and ideas. For instance, when I was explaining Purpose (of creation) in the context of people and organizations, she kept arguing that the word ‘calling’ was better suited for individuals. “People have a calling, organizations have a Purpose,” she insisted. I told her that she had a point but since Purpose was universally accepted and chosen as a more powerful and “deeper” word to explain “reason for creation/existence – raison d’etre), we will stay with it. But the lady kept on harping on her point. Finally, in an attempt to invite the lady to have an “open” mind, I had to demonstrate the famous “tea cup” story from Zen Buddhism. Nan-in, a Japanese Master during the Meiji era (1868 ~ 1912), received a university professor who came to “learn” more about Zen – “I want to educate myself. I want to know more about this philosophy. Teach me what it is all about as quickly as you can, so that I can go back and demonstrate my new-found knowledge to all those who look up to me.” Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept on pouring the tea. The professor watched the cup overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. “The cup, dear Master, is overfull. No more tea will go in!” Nan-in smiled. “Like this cup," Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions. How can I teach you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
Most of us are like the lady at my workshop and the professor in Nan-in’s story. The lady and the professor represent how full we can sometimes be; how our view of our inflated self-worth blinds us and how we fail to understand that be pompous about anything – wealth, health, knowledge, relationships, the body – is so much in vain. Ultimately, this most powerful vehicle that makes our human existence experience a lifetime – the body – will be felled with wear and tear. And without the vehicle being able, our journey here, on the planet, begins to sputter.
Some day soon, each of us will have to realize that Life is a limited period offer. That you cannot undo what you have done. You cannot go back to relive your Life. That you cannot rewind Life. So, if you really can’t control the withering away of your body, if you cannot control the progress of Life from birth to death, why are you imagining that you are in control? Why kid yourself that you call the shots in your Life? Why this ego, why this vanity, why this high-drama that you are superior to the others around you?

I walked back home from the hospital last evening deep in thought. I realized, yet again, that we did not ever control anything, we control nothing and can never hope to control anything in the future either. Everything that is, everything that we vainly believe is ours, will soon be felled, will wither away and will end – including this body and this lifetime. The only time you and I have to live is now. Live each moment, therefore, fully and happily. For the Life and the moment that has once been lived can never be rewound! 

Accept what is and you will be peaceful

Don't try to disturb or change what Life has provided for you.
And that may include how some people you know are behaving with you. There’s nothing wrong with them or with you. It is just the way Life has ordered (some people will like to believe it as ordained) it to be. There’s a natural order to the Universe. To the way people, situations, events and even objects are placed. Each of these arrangements is perfect in their own way and in the time that we may be experiencing them. To grieve about why things or people are the way they are is, at best, foolishness. So, if you seek peace and happiness, just accept what is and you will never have a problem.
A very wealthy man asked a Zen Master for a text which would always remind him how happy he was with his family. The Master took some parchment and, in beautiful calligraphy, wrote: “The father dies. The son dies. The grandson dies.” “What?” asked the furious rich man “I asked you for something to inspire me, some teaching which might be respectfully contemplated by future generations, and you give me something as depressing and gloomy as these words?” he thundered. “You asked me for something which would remind you of the happiness of living together with your family. If your son dies first, everyone will be devastated by the pain. If your grandson dies, it would be an unbearable experience. However, if your family disappears in the order which I placed on the paper, this is the natural course of Life. Thus, although we all endure moments of pain, the generations will continue, and your legacy will be long-lasting,"explained the wise Master.
So, the Master Plan of your Life__and mine__is beautifully crafted, engineered, if you like, to ensure that we live, learn and leave in peace. Only when we wish that the design, the Master Plan, be different from what it is now, do we suffer. So, let everything __ people, events, situations __ just be. In the order of the Master Plan, that has no flaws, you will find peace. 

Fear is a toothless opponent

Live without fear. It is fear that robs us of our ability to live freely.
We fear everything. Darkness. Loss of money. Death. Breakdown in relationships. Expectations not being met. Loss of face. Reputation. How can we claim to be alive when are operating under the influence of a debilitating, restricting force?
The best way to expunge fear is to ask yourself ‘what is the worst that can happen’ in any given situation and decide to face that moment. When you make that decision to confront a situation, when you walk up to it, fear will recede. Fear is actually a toothless opponent. Fear fears reality. And you, the real you, are the truth. But you think someone is more powerful than you. You think if you lose money you are finished. You think if you die, it’s all over. You think if a business contract does not come through you will be bankrupt. You think if someone says something about you in public, your reputation will be lost. But if you, in each of these situations, decide to not worry about the outcomes, will fear still torment you? Suppose you say, let the most powerful man on the planet come to you, and you will be unmoved, unfazed; what can happen to you? Maybe that man may come and kill you? Let him. Then where’s your fear? The truth is the man can kill your body, not you. Suppose you are willing to live a Life beyond and after losing all your money, what need you be afraid of? If something is hounding you, haunting you just now, be sure, be aware, that you are allowing it to do so. Your spouse is not an issue. But your thought of your spouse being unfaithful, your expectation of loyalty, your fear of being led up the garden path and being stranded alone, this is your problem. So, who should deal with this problem? You. And the best way to do it is to say, “So, what?” Say that and you are free no sooner than you have uttered those magical words. They are like a miracle mantra. Use them in any situation and you will be fearless.

Between you and fearlessness lies your awareness of your true Self. Fear has heaped layer after layer of deception and controls you this way. When you realize you are not your body, you are not your relationship, you are not your job, you are not your business, you are not your bank account, this awareness is liberating. Your true Self then emerges and fear, meekly, slinks away, drowned in the light of your awakening. 

Polepole through Life

In Swahili, polepole means slowly, gently, softly, quietly; be calm, take it quietly, don't excite yourself! It’s a good way to remember to slow down. Polepole!
To hurry through Life means to ruin your present while trying to get rid of a past that’s over and attain a future, whose form you really can’t predict. Slowing down does not mean you give up doing you many things that you have to do. It means to stay mindful, be present in whatever you are experiencing just now. The frenetic pace of today’s world is a make-believe. It is a deceitful way of kidding yourself. When you say you are too busy, when you say you have no time for yourself, when you say you are chasing your tail, it really means, you are giving excuses. The reality is that you are planning your day, your week and month badly. You are allowing other people and external factors to rule over your time. And that you are not in control of your schedules.
Polepole reminds us that sometimes, at least once every week, it is important to sit down, step back and try to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Ask yourself: 1. In doing this, are you likely to experience joy? 2. Is this part of your agenda for the day or week? 3. Is this an opportunity to add value to your Life’s goals? and 4. Is it a part of the Vision you have for yourself? You need to be answering ‘yes’ to all 4 questions. And only if all answers are ‘yes’ should you allow that intrusion into your schedule. Else, you must award that activity, task, meeting, conversation a fresh slot in a forthcoming period of time __ maybe, next week or even next month!

A lot of Life still happens unplanned. Say, a traffic jam, a heart attack, a sick child or a delayed flight. Obviously, you can’t control all of these events. But you can surely control what you allow on to your calendar, take on to your plate. And for that self-control to come in, make polepole your mantra. Slowly, slowly, journey through Life, enjoying each moment, each meeting, each drive, each meal. Bliss will follow!

Stop resisting and just slip in with Life, hand in glove with whatever is happening…

Live losing yourself to your world, to your Life as it is. Unite with the Life available to you just now. Be one with the Universe.
Most of us struggle through Life because we resist what is happening to us. Any resistance will bring pain. Total submission, total acceptance will make living simpler, easy and blissful. Life is like dance. In dance, the dancer is encouraged by the Master, the guru, to unite with the act of dancing. It is only through the unison of the dancer with the act that a work of art, of beauty, is visible to the world.
Osho, the Master, says this story about Gurudjieff (1877 ~ 1949), the Armenian spiritual teacher from the 20th century, who taught that it was possible to transcend to a higher state of consciousness and achieve full human potential by working on oneself: “…For the (true) dancers, the dance continued inside, and the inside whirling circles became smaller and smaller until they became centered. One day it happened that they were coming just to the edge of the stage, dancing. It was expected, supposed, that Gurdjieff would stop them just before they danced down the stage onto the audience. A hundred dancers were just on the edge of the stage. One step more and they would all fall down into the hall. The whole hall was expecting that suddenly Gurdjieff would say stop, but he turned his back to light his cigar. He turned his back to the dancers to light his cigar, and the whole group of a hundred dancers fell down from the stage upon the floor – on a naked stone floor. The whole audience stood up. They were screaming, shouting, and they were thinking that many must have broken their bones – it was such a crash. But not a single one was hurt; not even a single bruise was there. They asked Gurdjieff what had happened. No one had been hurt, and the crash was such that it seemed impossible that people would not be hurt. The reason was only this: they were really not in their bodies at that moment. They were slowing down their inner circling. And when Gurdjieff saw that now they were completely oblivious of their bodies, he allowed them to fall down. If you are completely oblivious of your body, there is no resistance. A bone is broken because of resistance. If you are falling down, you resist: you go against the pull of gravity. That going against, that resistance, is the problem – not gravity. If you can fall down with gravity, if you can cooperate with it, then no possibility of being hurt will arise.”
Quite similarly, as in the Gurudjieff story that Osho has made immortal, if you flow with Life, you will be bliss yourself. There’s a need for you__and me__to discover our inner rhythm, for us to harmoniously unite with our inner selves; to be the Self, to be nothing but creation itself. And that can happen when you stop resisting and just slip in with Life, hand in glove with whatever is happening, living in acceptance, peace and inner harmony. Bliss then happens naturally!!!

PS: (Enjoy this beautiful song that captures the spirit of this Thought. Live losing yourself as the dancers in this video from Jodha Akbar, 2008, directed by Ashutosh Gowariker, starring Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai; music is by A.R.Rahman, who says he composed this tune in his sleep, while he dreamt of the Garib Nawaz of Ajmer!) 

"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it, to whom does the gift belong?"

There’s no need to respond to every insult, every jibe at all.
In fact, there is no need to say something to counter whatever someone has said at all. However, if you think you are not evolved enough, and therefore are unable to be forgiving, the least you can do is to avoid responding, retaliating and getting even with everything that someone has to say. These conflicts happen endlessly, each day. Someone shows you his middle finger on the road. An impudent teen scowls at you because you questioned why she jumped the queue you were waiting in. A neighbor accuses you of violating their privacy last night because you had guests over and the music volume was higher than usual. An irate boss says you are not performing as well as you should be. Some of these events may have happened even though you did not contribute to or cause them. Which makes it often all the more difficult to handle. Your initial sense of shock fades into anger and you want to ‘get even’. And then one thing leads to another. Pretty soon, you are either sulking or fuming.
In the overall scheme of Life, such conflicts are simply not worth entering into and are not worth your time or attention! Here’s a Zen story that teaches us how to deal with such ignominious situations. There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him. One day a young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great Master. Apart from his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move. Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old Master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed. Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old Master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?" "If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the Master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"

So, the simple takeaway is, don’t accept gifts__of insults and rebuke__that you don’t want! Just walk away….mindfully, peacefully….

Pain, and eventual death, are part of every Life’s design

Death is not an avoidable future. It is an inevitable end to this lifetime. The sooner we understand and internalize this truth, the more peaceful we will be.
A friend called me yesterday. He sounded distraught. His mother, he said, was suffering from stage 4 cancer of the liver. She was in her early 60s and my friend, it appeared, was grappling with what he believed were his family’s current and impending realities. He said he wanted to share how he felt and so sought my time for a call. I thanked him for finding me worthy of reaching out and sharing. I spent some time helping him understand how he could cope better in the circumstances.  
But, seriously, how do you deal with such a situation? It first begins with acceptance. That acceptance is not just about a physical state (such as stage 4 cancer in my friend’s case) but also about accepting an unalterable, inevitable reality of Life – that all our stories, our lives, will have to end someday. Death is not the opposite of Life. It is not against Life either. Death is an integral part of living – if you are born, and are alive, you will die one day. You will have to. There’s no escape. So, accept this non-negotiable aspect of Life. When you find yourself or someone you know in a situation where a health challenge is looming large, is threatening, give the situation a lot of positive energy. Give the person a lot of your care and compassion. Even if it is you who’s felled by a health issue, don’t brood. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t lament your “fate”. Just be in total acceptance of what is – perhaps the pain, perhaps the draining treatment process, perhaps the attendant financial costs – and live fully while being prepared for ‘any’ outcome. It is when you resist the situation – by asking why, why me, why me now – and wish that it go away, that you always suffer.
I am reminded of a story from Swami Ramakrishna Paramahamsa’s (1836 ~ 1886) Life. Towards the end, Paramahamsa was suffering from cancer. The disease was obviously causing him a lot of pain. But the doctors treating him were bewildered that he was always cheerful, as if he was not in any pain. So, one of the doctors asked him if he was not feeling the pain and if he was, how was it possible for him to be so cheerful? Paramahamsa is said to have replied: “I feel acute, intense pain. But my disease and I have learnt to peacefully coexist in my body.”
This attitude – of acceptance and detachment – is what each of us needs to cultivate in respect to Life. We must evolve to accept that death follows Life. And that the only way to live fully is to live knowing that death is round the corner. Also, the sooner realize that we cannot avoid pain, the better. Pain is inevitable. It is a part of Life’s design. We cannot avoid the pain that Life inflicts on us. Nor can we hope – or, in some cases, pray – that our near and dear ones (parents, children, siblings, spouses) are spared of pain. When we hope or wish that there be no pain, is when we suffer. So drop the suffering by dropping the wish that there be no pain. Each of our lives has a unique design. Pain and eventual death are part of that design. The factors that cause us pain may vary from person to person, but the way to deal with the pain is pretty similar. Just accept what is and know that the suffering is avoidable if you don’t question whatever’s happening – or whatever will eventually happen.  

Irrespective of the circumstance you are placed in, play on

Life is a great teacher. She will humble you till you learn your lessons. And then when you are humbled, she will enlighten you.
All of us live through our nightmares before we live our dreams. And if we are living our dreams, know that the peaks will give way to valleys, and then to abysses only to find that when we have hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Soon, we will reclaim our lost honor, succeed yet again with our craft and regain our glory __ only, the second time around, on the rebound, we are a lot more fulfilled, a lot less anxious and see each moment of Life, or what remains of this lifetime, as a blessing. This cycle of Life, with its inscrutable up and down patterns or down and up ways, plays itself out, time and again, from person to person, incessantly, ceaselessly.
One such co-voyager in Life, a genius in his own right, an emperor of his craft, is Tamil music composer Ilayaraja. During the 70s, 80s and well into the 90s, Ilayaraja, remained king. His was the music that mesmerized listeners and sold movies. For over a decade, well actually 15 years, no Tamil movie was released that did not have Illayaraja composing music. Such was his genius. Such was his command that he was unbeatable. Not that anyone even tried. And then came along A R Rahman, the prodigal genius, who with Roja, in 1992, swept the world away! His music was different and Ilayaraja’s hold on Tamil cinema was challenged deceptively. One tune at a time, one movie at a time. By 1997, Rahman had become staple in the entertainment business down south and Bollywood filmmakers too were counting on the Mozart of Madras (Rahman) to sell their films.
It was at this time that I met Ilayaraja at his home. A beautiful shrine-like place in T Nagar, in South Chennai, where music, moods, fragrances and floral patterns made the simple white walls and furniture in the house come alive almost surreally. Taking me to his studio on the first floor, Ilayaraja, playing a new tune he had just composed, asked me, “What do you think of it?” And I remember replying: “It’s out of this world.” “What to do,” bemoaned the genius, much to my shock, “the world does not recognize my worth anymore. Everyone wants the new kid, who learnt at my feet and today challenges me.” I was surprised. In fact horrified. I felt Ilayaraja must be proud, not jealous, of his protégé. I felt that the greatest compliment a ‘guru’ can get is when a ‘shishya’ (disciple) outsmarts him at his own craft. But I did not express my opinion; I went on with my meeting and left Ilayaraja’s home-shrine, a tad befuddled.
Kamal Hassan, Sridevi, Ilayaraja, Amitabh Bachchan, Rajnikant
at 'Shamitabh's' music launch
Picture Courtesy: PTI/Hindu/InternetWhat began then was, as I came to realize, Ilayaraja’s hibernation, which lasted almost 10+ years. He was down, no music composition offers, no interview seekers, no titles, no awards. I am not aware how he spent those years. Maybe he sulked. Maybe he grieved. But if that was indeed his state, it well was his own creation. He was, is and will always be a musical genius, to me, and to millions of his fans across the world. That he had to make way for a next generation sensation called Rahman was only a reflection of the way Life is and works, and was no indication of any flaw with his craft. But maybe, just maybe, Ilayaraja missed this point. Until ‘Cheeni Kum’ (2007, directed by Balki and starring Amitabh Bachchan, Tabu) happened, where Ilayaraja made a phenomenal comeback. Balki, a senior professional in Indian advertising (Chairman and Chief Creative Officer of Lowe Lintas), says he got into filmmaking only to work with two of his idols__the Big B and Ilayaraja! And Ilayaraja re-used an old tune of his from the 1986 super, super-hit, Mani Ratnam film, ‘Mouna Ragam’ (follow video link here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5v1xO...) in ‘Cheeni Kum’, along with a couple of other unputdownable compositions. And slowly, very slowly, the King of Tamil music, a veteran of 999 (Tamil director Bala’s up-coming ‘Tharai Thappattai’ will be his 1000th!) films, and 5000 songs, is coming into his own again. He is perhaps, hopefully, in his second innings, realizing that he was always a winner. That the music in him never died. In January this year, Amitabh Bachchan, Kamal Hassan and Rajnikanth came together in Mumbai to launch the music for Balki’s latest ‘Shamitabh’, which again was composed by Ilayaraja. Talking at a public event in Chennai, some time ago, Ilayaraja said, “I don’t know how the music comes, if I find out, it will stop!”

This is what is happening to all of us. We are born winners. But we stop seeing our own worth, our own value because we expect Life to give us ideal performance conditions. And despite all the wishing that we__you and I__do, that can never be guaranteed. What can be known for sure though is that there’s a lot, a helluva lot, of talent in each in us. Our craft, our work, is our prayer. Irrespective of the circumstance we are placed in, let us keep playing on. Seasons will come, seasons will go, years will wear on, the body will age and wither away too someday, but eventually we will find that despite all of what has happened to us, the music within each of us remains intact. And all that happened, happened to humble us, to enlighten us, to enrich us, so that our music can light up the world!    

‘Accept and Fight’: Thanks for the invaluable Life lesson, Suzette Jordan!

Life’s injustices must surely be braved and corrected. But you will do well first to accept any situation before you work towards changing it. The key message from Suzette Katrina Jordan’s eventful and tumultuous Life – that sadly, abruptly, ended yesterday, owing to meningoencephalitis, in a Kolkata hospital – was this.
Suzette Jordan
Picture Courtesy: India TodaySuzette was a single mother of two girls. She was warm, compassionate and believed deeply in herself and in the cause of empowering women – something that she championed till her very end. She survived a gang rape on Park Street in Kolkata in February 2012. But, importantly, instead of hiding being the “Park Street Rape Survivor” tag, she came out in 2013 and revealed her identity on national television. It is sad and ironical therefore that her death has been reported across most sections of media as “Part Street Rape Survivor Dies”. Personally, I feel, a fitting tribute to her fight, for dignity and justice, would have been to say that “Suzette Jordan passes away, but the fight she started will go on”. Even so, it is not surprising that the media, that thrives on ‘keywords’ to grab eyeballs, used the ‘rape survivor’ tag to announce Suzette’s demise.
I reached out to Suzette in July 2014 inviting her to receive the first copy of my Book – ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money’ (Westland, August 2014) – when we launched it in Kolkata. I am not sure I had her correct email id and so I wouldn’t know if she ever got my invitation. But I learned from someone she worked with that Suzette had become very reclusive. This person, who headed an NGO for women in Kolkata, told me that Suzette had been numbed by the mud-slinging and witch-hunting that the West Bengal administration had launched against her: “Suzette is shocked no doubt with the insensitivity of the Chief Minister and her entire cabinet. But she is in no way cowed down. She accepts her current reality, she realizes that the odds are stacked against her, but she is determined to plow on.” For the record, Mamata Banerjee had termed Suzette’s charge of rape a ‘sajano ghotona’ (fabricated event) and her cabinet colleague, a lady, had called it a ‘sex deal gone awry’. In response to these charges, Suzette told NDTV’s Monideepa Banerjee: “People make mistakes, you know,” she said. “She made a mistake. I don't hold it against her.” Yesterday, Monideepa recounted this further on her blog: “Over the last three years, almost to the day, I met Suzette many times, at her home, at my office. She was indomitable, determined to fight for justice though the legal process dragged. The main accused is still absconding. She told me how in court, the three accused and their parents abused her, cajoled her to drop the case. But she fought on. Without resources. Three years, no job. Her mother lived with her, besides her two daughters. Her mother's brother in Australia sent her money. Her daughters' school fees were waived. She was celebrated across the country, speaker here, speaker there. But no end to hard times.”
And so, with her passing, in a way, the physical version of Suzette Katrina Jordan’s fight for justice has ended. But the spirit of her struggle, the message of courage and indomitable will that she spread in the three years since that barbaric attack on her, and the inspirational metaphor called Suzette Jordan will live on. She was the one that told the Indian media to stop using the word ‘victim’ for those affected by rape; she then modified it to ‘survivor’ and then daringly came forth and declared: “I am sick and tired of being called the Park Street rape survivor. I am Suzette Jordan.” Through her willingness to accept her Life for what it was she taught us the value in and power of acceptance. Through her activism for the cause she led, she also taught us that acceptance is not a passive state. It does not equal inaction. By being accepting of a situation, you conserve valuable energy which you would have otherwise expended in resisting that situation. When you accept your Life for what it is, you can channelize your energy intelligently to focus on doing what’s required of you to change the situation or to fight an injustice done to you or both!

Life’s situations are like an erroneously inflated BSNL bill. You can cry foul, you can rant, but BSNL will begin a dialogue and process to redress your complaint only when you first pay up their claim. So it is with Life. You have to first accept what is. Only then can you look to work on changing it!

Staying depressed is a complete waste of precious time

Dealing with depression requires a deeper understanding of what’s making you angry and unhappy. The moment you understand what is disturbing you, you can either let it go or fix it.  
A recent issue of India Today ran a cover story on depression. The statistics are alarming. One in every four women, and one in every 10 men, in India is depressed. That’s about 120 million people – enough to fill a state the size of Maharashtra! From death to divorce to health to stagnating careers, these people are battling unmet expectations and struggling to cope with the psychological impact of their challenged state of mind.
I know what it means and feels like to be depressed. About 10 years ago, I was depressed too – except that I didn’t even know I was depressed! I had gone to meet a renowned psychiatrist Dr.Vijay Nagaswami; I was reporting irrational bouts of anger. Dr.Nagaswami heard me out for an hour and told me that I was depressed. He said I had two ways in front of me to deal with my depression – medication or meditation. And he staunchly advocated the latter. Thanks to Dr.Nagaswami, for me, meditation worked.
I learnt to practice silence periods daily – a method called shubha mouna yoga. It required me to be silent for an hour each morning. That investment of an hour up front in the day helped me gain control over the remaining 23 hours! As my practice of mouna deepened, over time, I began to go to the root of my anger and my depression. Through that process, I understood myself and Life better.
Let me share my learnings here. You become depressed because something you expect has not happened. You wanted someone to love you, but she is not interested. You become depressed. You wanted a raise but it’s not happening. Again, you are depressed. The only person who understood you in the whole world is dead. You are depressed. You are accused of something you did not do. Depressed! You have a health situation that has crippled your functioning. You are depressed, to the point of losing interest in Life! So, in effect, whenever an expectation goes unmet, you are depressed.
Now, depression can manifest itself in two ways. As anger. As it happened to me. But that anger is not always there. A certain listlessness, a self-pity governs your daily Life. When someone or something interferes with it, you explode with anger. The other way depression happens is with sadness. Sadness is nothing but dormant, passive anger. You conclude you are helpless and lonely and that no one understands you. You brood all the time and keep pitying yourself.  Now, in either context – anger or sadness – the mind is not allowing you the opportunity to understand the futility of your being depressed. Which is why meditation – which helps you still your mind – is very useful in understanding what’s going on and choosing an intelligent response, and not a depressive one, to the situation.
Let us say you are angry, hurt, upset – and are therefore depressed – with the way someone has treated you. You can sulk for as long as you want, but that person is never going to realize that she or he has done something wrong, until you walk up and speak your mind. When you do this, that person can either accept your point of view or reject it. Now, you can never control another person’s attitudes or actions. You can only do what you can. When you realize that you have done the best you can, you learn to let go and move on. Now, you are not depressed anymore – because you are not suppressing your anger against that person nor are you sad that you have been treated shabbily.

Surely, this approach works in all contexts. The simplest way to snap out of a depressive spiral is to know that, in Life, it is always what it is. People and events are just the way they are. Your wanting them to be different is of no use. Unless people and things change, of their own accord, it is what it is. Period. So, don’t punish yourself trying to bemoan your fate. Get up and move on. Every moment that you are angry, sad and depressed, is a moment you have not lived your Life fully! Think about it. Staying depressed is a complete waste of precious time. And you don’t have much time either!!! As the famous Persian philosopher and poet, Omar Khayyam (1048 ~ 1131) says in his classic, Rubaiyat, “The wine of Life keeps oozing drop by drop; the leaves of Life keep falling one by one.”