AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 14

Religion deserves no more importance than the label of the undergarment you wear

Religion ideally must have no place in our lives. And if it must, it definitely cannot be flaunted in public. So, can we cut the crap and simply be human?   
I am not a great fan of Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan’s films but I love him for who he is – as an individual, as a fellow-human. He’s a hard-working, tax-paying, honest, and important, secular, humane, citizen of my country and that for me is enough reason to love him. I am sure many who read this post may agree with me on why they too love SRK – with the exception that several among them may actually, additionally, be fans of his acting and movies!
The insinuation by some dim-witted bigots that SRK’s heart is in Pakistan or that he must be treated on par with Hafeez Saeed is outrageous. Not because they said it. Not because they said it against SRK. Not because they connected the dots to Pakistan and a terror-accused. But because their saying it represents how petty and shallow our already decadent society has become!
Think about it folks. None of us has chosen to be created human. Not SRK. Not me. Not you. Not Yogi Adityanath. Not Kailash Vijayvargiya. We were created without our asking for it. And we came without a name, without religion, without an economic or social standing. When we go we will go empty-handed – definitely without our name, religion, money or social moorings. Then why all this drama? How does it matter to anyone if I am a Palaghattan Iyer or SRK is a Muslim or if a certain so-and-so is a Christian? Does religion make any of us superior? Can we say we have conquered disease or death because we are from a certain religion?
Religion is outright divisive and fear-inducing. And anything – or any one – that divides the human race must be ostracized, expunged. What India is witnessing in the last several months is not a sign of intolerance alone. What’s going on is nothing short of a rape of human values and the principles of co-existence.
But rather than get bitter about all this, let’s work to make things better. And the best way to do that is to stop flaunting religion in public. Religion, honestly, must be given no more importance than the label of the undergarment we wear. Do you go talking about your undergarment brand in public? If at all religion must be pursued, make it a personal choice. There’s no need to wear it on your sleeve. And most definitely, there is no need to talk about the religious preferences of others!
If you pause and reflect on this, you will discover the futility of all religious discourse. All of us has the same color of blood, red; all of us has the same Life source, we breathe the same air; all of us were created without our asking to be born and all of us will surely die one day. Then what is the point in allowing ourselves to be divided in the name of “a” God whom no one has really “seen”? And what kind of a God is it who induces fear and pits one human against another? Truth be told, it is not God who induces fear and promotes hatred among us humans but it is a small bunch of fellow humans, who in the name of God and religion, are dividing our race. These are the real terrorists among us. And they need to be isolated through the rest of us uniting.  

SRK is but a metaphor for me this morning to make a larger point. It is irrelevant to me if he is an actor or if is a Muslim or if he is Indian. What is most important is that he is another fellow human on this planet – breathing the same air as I do, as Yogi Adityanath does, and with the same color of blood as I have, as Kailash Vijayvagriya has. I am no SRK fan but I still love him – just as I love any other human! If we can share this post, and talk about this message in our circle of influence, we would have made a small contribution to making our world a better place!  

Religion, if at all, must be given no more importance than the label of the undergarment we wear

Religion ideally must have no place in our lives. And if it must, it definitely cannot be flaunted in public. So, can we cut the crap and simply be human?   
I am not a great fan of Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan’s films but I love him for who he is – as an individual, as a fellow-human. He’s a hard-working, tax-paying, honest, and important, secular, humane, citizen of my country and that for me is enough reason to love him. I am sure many who read this post may agree with me on why they too love SRK – with the exception that several among them may actually, additionally, be fans of his acting and movies!
The insinuation by some dim-witted bigots that SRK’s heart is in Pakistan or that he must be treated on par with Hafeez Saeed is outrageous. Not because they said it. Not because they said it against SRK. Not because they connected the dots to Pakistan and a terror-accused. But because their saying it represents how petty and shallow our already decadent society has become!
Think about it folks. None of us has chosen to be created human. Not SRK. Not me. Not you. Not Yogi Adityanath. Not Kailash Vijayvargiya. We were created without our asking for it. And we came without a name, without religion, without an economic or social standing. When we go we will go empty-handed – definitely without our name, religion, money or social moorings. Then why all this drama? How does it matter to anyone if I am a Palaghattan Iyer or SRK is a Muslim or if a certain so-and-so is a Christian? Does religion make any of us superior? Can we say we have conquered disease or death because we are from a certain religion?
Religion is outright divisive and fear-inducing. And anything – or any one – that divides the human race must be ostracized, expunged. What India is witnessing in the last several months is not a sign of intolerance alone. What’s going on is nothing short of a rape of human values and the principles of co-existence.
But rather than get bitter about all this, let’s work to make things better. And the best way to do that is to stop flaunting religion in public. Religion, honestly, must be given no more importance than the label of the undergarment we wear. Do you go talking about your undergarment brand in public? If at all religion must be pursued, make it a personal choice. There’s no need to wear it on your sleeve. And most definitely, there is no need to talk about the religious preferences of others!
If you pause and reflect on this, you will discover the futility of all religious discourse. All of us has the same color of blood, red; all of us has the same Life source, we breathe the same air; all of us were created without our asking to be born and all of us will surely die one day. Then what is the point in allowing ourselves to be divided in the name of “a” God whom no one has really “seen”? And what kind of a God is it who induces fear and pits one human against another? Truth be told, it is not God who induces fear and promotes hatred among us humans but it is a small bunch of fellow humans, who in the name of God and religion, are dividing our race. These are the real terrorists among us. And they need to be isolated through the rest of us uniting.  

SRK is but a metaphor for me this morning to make a larger point. It is irrelevant to me if he is an actor or if is a Muslim or if he is Indian. What is most important is that he is another fellow human on this planet – breathing the same air as I do, as Yogi Adityanath does, and with the same color of blood as I have, as Kailash Vijayvagriya has. I am no SRK fan but I still love him – just as I love any other human! If we can share this post, and talk about this message in our circle of influence, we would have made a small contribution to making our world a better place!  

Be aware: worrying really mind-f**ks you!

When worry arises, worry. Hold it, watch it, but refuse to heed it and soon, you will be ready to discard it.   
Let us get this straight first – worrying is not a sin! There is nothing wrong with worrying. Except that you know, just as anyone with even an iota of common sense does, that worrying about a problem cannot solve it for you.
Yet, don’t expect that you will attain a state of no-worry. As long as there is your mind, worries will arise. After all, what is a worry? It is a thought. And the human mind’s job is to churn out 60,000 thoughts daily. Some of these thoughts will be of worries and anxieties pertaining to an unborn future. Will I have enough money? Can I resolve this complicated legal matter? Will I find better understanding from my family? Will my child get to pursue a career path she wants? Will someone with 4thstage cancer make it? So on, and on, and on…your mind will lead you to worrying – incessantly!
Now, those who have not trained their mind, will be led by their worries. Which is, their mind will control them. Worrying debilitates you. It will make you feel like a victim perpetually. But those who have trained their mind – through the practice of some form of meditation or “me time” – will find that their awareness helps them immensely when worry arises in them. They will not fear worrying. Or worry about worrying. They will simply see through their worry – their awareness will let them allow their worry to rise…and then move on. This is the way they will remain untouched by their worry.
A worry is like a wave. It has a limited lifespan. Just as a wave rises and then recedes, and eventually disappears, a worry too will rise and ebb. The problem comes only when you allow the worry to touch you. If you just let it rise and fall, you will be untouched. Or the better way to say it is that you will be unmoved even though it may, well, touch you!
This is how I deal with my worries when they arise.
For instance, I have this perpetual worry that comes up in me every now and then. I have borrowed money from my parents. My father is 77 and my mother is 66. I have been unable to return the money to them because it has been over 8 years since our business has been going through a bankruptcy ( “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money” ; Westland, August 2014). Resultantly, an already vitiated family situation has become even more complicated leaving everyone bitter, embattled and estranged. I often have to contend with the worry of thinking what will happen if my parents die while I have still been unable to return their money to them? How will I live the rest of my Life carrying the guilt of having made a lousy choice of borrowing from them, failing to repay them – decisions that have left my family in a fractious state? Yes, these worries arise in me. But I let them pass. Each time such dark, numbing (today’s generation would term them mind-f**king) thoughts, rear their ugly heads, my awareness, nurtured through the practice of daily silence periods (mouna) alerts me. Something in me immediately goes to work saying: “AVIS, steady. Beware of the worry.” So, I perk up and let the worry come up to me, I allow it to try its fear-infusing logic on me and, because I don’t give it any importance, it simply slinks away. I do one additional thing. I say to myself, every time I have to deal with a worry, “Let whatever happen, happen. It is better we get down to solving a real problem than an imagined or feared one.”
This approach does not mean I am irresponsible or that I advocate inaction. On the contrary, this is a call to action. Constructive action. Because, worrying can nail your feet to the ground. And the non-worrying state can never be attained. So, the best way forward is to let each worry rise and fall – while you simply do what you have to do. Principal among what you can do, or the most constructive action you can indulge in, in the face of worry, is to trust Life. Just believe that if you have been created (without your asking to be) you will also be cared for and looked after. The energy that takes care of a million stars will also take care of you. You need not carry the burden of the unknown future on your head. You too can trust!

Accept your Life for what it is – and simply go on living

Does it really matter if there is such a thing as fate or destiny? If whatever will happen, will happen, then why analyze it, why agonize over it?  
In a conversation we had with a friend yesterday, we ended up discussing destiny and free will. My friend held the view that trying to understand how destiny works or blaming it for everything is simply futile. “Can your belief in or knowledge of fate, destiny, karma – whatever name you give it – really help in undoing, or changing, your Life’s course,” he asked.
And I agree with him.
What are we going to do by knowing that our lives are preordained? That really doesn’t change anything. Instead, the simpler way to look at Life – and respond to it – is to know that while you can’t do anything about what’s happening to you, you can at least act in a given situation diligently, with full commitment to living! People call this opportunity free will. I call it living. Just be, just live. Or, to further simplify, while you can’t do anything about what happens to you, do whatever you can in any given situation to make it better. And the best way to live through, endure, any painful situation, is to immerse yourself in the moment and to live it fully.
So, don’t dwell on whether your Life is preordained or not. It’s meaningless, it’s futile to do so. The fact is that you have this Life, a gift called this lifetime. You have no control over what happens to you. But you can and must do whatever is possible by you to live your every moment fully. You have that option, and no one can deny it to you, so use it fully.  
Osho, the Master, calls the fate-destiny-karma logic defeatist and escapist. He says when we try something and don’t get what we want, we conveniently blame fate. “What can I do, I am trying but my fate is such” is a common refrain we all hear or even use at times. Osho urges us to stop this blame game! He says don’t dump the responsibility of your Life on fate. Some people also dub fate as “God’s will”. So they dump the cause of their Life’s course – and their attendant miseries – on this, unknown, unseen, God. Osho asks, “You know why you blame God for all the things that happen to you that you don’t want happening? You do it because it is so convenient. God doesn’t talk back, you see. God doesn’t ask you how dare you blame me for your Life? So, you go on dumping your Life on God and you wallow in the comfortable cesspool of ‘my-fate-is-such’ thinking.”

Osho makes a powerful, unputdownable, point. Blaming Life or karma or God is of no use. Your Life – and mine – will unfold, go on, happen, in spite of you - or me. No matter what. This is the nature of Life. The only way to live this Life therefore is to accept it for what it is, the way it is, and simply go on living…!  

Relating is the key to thriving at work and in Life

People are people. There are no right people and wrong people. You just either relate to people or you don’t.  
We met an entrepreneur the other day who leads a large organization. He has about 15 people reporting to him. Over the last couple of years that we have known this entrepreneur, he has forever been complaining about the lack of ownership among his leadership team. He is obsessing over how to sack the “laggards” among his direct reports – but, ironically, he hasn’t been able to do anything in that direction. Every time we meet him though, he only keeps complaining, fretting and fuming about his people. In a way, we sense so much negativity emanating from him – it makes me wonder whether he has a problem with his people of if he is the problem?
Contrast this with what Suresh Krishna, the CMD of Sundram Fasteners, shared with me when I met him recently for my Sunday Blog Series – “The Happiness Road”: “There are no right or wrong people. There are just people. And you have to take them along. This ability to take everyone along is what leadership is all about!”
I totally agree with Krishna. Seriously, whether it is in business, at work, or in family, don’t obsess over people and their behaviors. There are no right or wrong people. Everybody is right in their own way. In fact people do whatever they do because they believe what they are doing is right from where they are seeing it. To be sure, even you – or I – do things only from that perspective. So, there is no point in vexing over people like our entrepreneur-friend has been doing. You either relate to someone or you don’t. And people either relate to you or they don’t. And it is only when two people continue to relate to each other that they (can) work with or live with each other. It is, really, as simple as that.
I have learnt to employ a simple thumb-rule: no matter who they are, anyone who I cannot relate to, does not form part of my ecosystem. Whether it is a co-worker, a family-member, a school-mate, a neighbor or vendor, the day I have stopped relating to a person, I just let them go. This is my way of preserving and nurturing positive energy – and inner peace – in me.

When you agonize over people’s behavior, and your unmet expectations of them, you are filling yourself with a lot of anxiety, stress and, possibly, negative energy. This negativity festers in you and makes you inefficient, irate and, believe me, very, very unhappy. The only way to fix this situation is to drop all expectations you have of people, and to simply walk away – or let them go – if you have stopped relating to them. The key to thrive, at work and in Life, is to keep relating, than obsess over the reporting or the relationship itself! 

“I see pain as the source of my happiness; it is a sign that I am alive!”

‘The Happiness Road’ is a weekly Series on this Blog that appears on Sundays where I share my conversations with people while exploring their idea of happiness!
This Sunday, I am pleased to introduce to you Malathi Holla – international para athlete, Life enthusiast and perhaps the most resilient person on the planet!
When Vaani and I finish meeting with Malathi Holla, the following lines from Balu Mahendra’s Sadma (1983, sung by Suresh Wadkar; picturized on Kamal Hassan and Sri Devi – listen to original song here) hum in my head:
Aye Zindagi Gale Laga Le…Aye Zindagi Gale Laga Le…Humne Bhi, Tere Har Ek Gham Ko, Gale Se Lagaya Hai, Hai Na?
Translated, these lines mean:
Hey Life, embrace me!Haven’t I embraced all the pain that you have sent my way?
At 57, Malathi Holla epitomizes the spirit of Gulzar’s unputdownable lyrics and her Life itself, despite all the upheavals she has seen, is beautiful, harmonious and soulful – quite like the maestro Ilayaraja’s music for this song is, making his Bollywood debut memorable!  
Malathi was afflicted with polio when she was 14 months old. Additionally, she has a condition called contracture –where the nerves in her body get bunched up in a ball and have to be unknotted surgically. The effect of contracture, especially in the pelvic region, is very painful – the whole body curves up, like an arch, with the legs getting bent backward and the back moving forward. She has had 33 surgeries in all so far but she hardly displays any angst or bitterness. On the other hand, she oozes positivity and radiates happiness. This, despite the fact that she has had a forgettable childhood – her own mother, not knowing how to cope with the rigor of raising a special child, treated Malathi like an outsider. But Malathi ploughed on, burying her grief and choosing to be without resentment or malice. She trained, on her own steam, to become a champion athlete representing India in various international sporting events including the Paralympics – in 100 metres and 200 metres wheelchair racing and in discus, shot put and javelin throws – and winning 421 medals in all; 389 golds, 27 silvers and 5 bronzes! She was a senior manager with Syndicate Bank until recently and currently runs the Mathru Foundation, an NGO, that supports 13 children with special needs to get basic education and take up mainstream careers. In 2009 a biography of Malathi – A Different Spirit, written by Dr.Anantha Krishnan – was released.
I ask Malathi how is she able to stay anchored, positive and so outrageously happy – despite all that she is still going through?
“I simply enjoy the pain, AVIS. This is my idea of happiness.” – that’s Malathi’s short answer. But I press on. And she gives me this long answer: “I can’t walk. I have been confined to a wheelchair. I have a perpetual physically painful condition. I have not experienced parental love. Now what can I do about all these things – there is physical pain and there is emotional pain? Can I get rid of the pain by going on grieving about it? So I simply accept my Life for what it is. Pain is painful when you see it as pain. I keep reminding myself that I can at least feel the pain. There are so many people out there, who are in conditions that are far worse than mine. They can’t even feel the pain. That’s why I count my blessings and enjoy my pain. I see my pain as the source of my happiness; it is a sign that I am alive. So I am happy!”
But isn’t she tired of pushing her way through Life? She has had to fight for everything – apart from competing in sports, she has had to fight the Indian government’s myopic view that sportspeople with special needs don’t need to get mainstream recognition. It took her 18 years, but she eventually convinced the government and was awarded the Arjuna award in 1996. She was also awarded the Padma Sri in 2001. So, at her age, isn’t she wondering how she will cope with the future? Malathi is nonplussed: “I am not one who ever thinks of the future. I want to live in the moment. And I live in the moment.”
She tells us that anyone can be resilient. It is not a capability that only a chosen few can acquire. It is in you. You are resilient the moment you choose not be a slave of the circumstances. If you can be unmoved by what is happening to you, you can be strong in any situation. “Every problem has a solution. There are no problems without solutions. There is a way – you must look for it, that’s all. And in situations when I can’t find a solution, I simply accept whatever is the situation, condition or problem. This way I am perennially peaceful with myself and my world,” she explains.
She then makes a phenomenal point: “You must ensure that you don’t mix up your situation with your idea of who you are. I am not my paraplegia. I have a paraplegic condition that’s it. When you see your Life this way, you will realize that we are all legends. Each of us has the right and the opportunity to be a legend – provided we are willing to walk on the path of acceptance, letting go and keeping faith in the larger cosmic design. I know this – I am the legend of happiness.”
Malathi Holla
Photo by Vaani AnandVaani and I met Malathi at the Taj Vivanta coffee shop in Bangalore – we chose that venue because it was wheelchair friendly. When we finished, we were keen to know how we could help Malathi get back home. That’s when we saw a live expression of her ‘different spirit’. Her eyes lit up even as she politely turned down our offer to drop her back: “Come with me. Let me show you how I get around this city.” She wheeled herself down the ramp in the hotel’s porch. And proceeded to her car – a specially designed Maruti Zen. She opened the car’s door and before we knew it, she had hoisted herself on to the driver’s seat and worn the seat belt. She flicked open the boot and request the hotel staff to put her wheelchair back in there. She beamed her million-watt smile at us, gestured a ‘thumbs up’ and, before driving away, said, “Send me the pictures on WhatsApp! What a beautiful technology isn’t it? What a beautiful world we live in, what a beautiful Life this is. We are all blessed, aren’t we?”
As I finish writing this piece, that number from Sadmais still humming in my head. Malathi’s is indeed a different spirit – a spirit that we must all invite into our lives; to guide us too, to being happy despite our circumstances!
  

Simply be. Drop this urge to constantly become this or that.

Life simply is.  There is really no objective to Life; there are no goals to be achieved, no responsibilities to be fulfilled. Nothing. You are born. You live. You die. Period. This is the truth – so simple, so uncomplicated. It is only society that brings in expectations of goals and outcomes, and labels of success and failure or joy and sorrow. You take away the social denominators from Life – starting with money – and suddenly Life simply is.
The other day, we were sitting at a coffee shop. I was thinking of something I had seen on Facebook, I was looking up from my phone and I was smiling – staring blankly into space. A friend walked up and tapped me on my shoulder and asked, “Wow! What are you thinking deeply about? What next creative idea are you pulling out of your hat?” I replied, “Hardly…No creative idea or such…I am just in the moment, enjoying it, savoring it.”
Our friend, and his wife who was with him, were hardly able to comprehend what I meant. They smiled and waved their goodbyes and walked away. I can understand what they must have been thinking about – “how can anyone not be doing anything?” And they are not alone. I believe the whole of humanity thinks this way and so is missing this beautiful opportunity to just be in the moment – because everyone is trying to become someone, by trying to do something or the other.
I am not saying you must not work or that you must not earn money or that you must not raise a family. But don’t get so caught in earning-a-living that you miss the opportunity to live itself. Look at nature around you. The trees, the birds, the flowers, the river, the ocean, all of them simply are. They have no concept of time nor do they have any targets or goals to achieve. It is only man who has time-bound goals in focus. Nothing wrong with that. But if the same goals start haunting you, when they make your Life miserable, then you have a problem. Earning money is not a problem. But complaining or worrying that you are not having enough is a problem. Working is not a problem. But feeling stressed out over your work is a problem. Having a family is not a problem. But sweating over the behavior of your family members is a problem.
Osho, the Master illustrates this point with the example of a rose and a hundred-rupee note. “Life is not a logical process. It is poetry, it is a lovesong -- without any meaning, yet it is utterly beautiful. In fact, when something has a meaning, it can't be beautiful – it is utilitarian. The rose is beautiful because it has no utility at all. Its sheer being is enough; it need not have any other significance. But a hundred-rupee note has no beauty; it has utility, it has meaning, it is a means to some end.”
The nub is this: to live your Life fully, celebrate each moment. Simply be. Drop this urge to constantly try and become this or that. Don’t try to desperately make a meaning out of your Life. Meaning is a social requirement. Life doesn’t care about any meanings. So, why don’t you also live your Life for what it is, as it is? Don’t seek meanings. Don’t get keyed up. Don’t complain. Be alive, be with your Life – as is!

Life = It is what it is

Life can be both an irony and a tragedy at times.  This isn’t the problem. Because such is Life’s nature. The problem arises when you don’t understand Life’s true nature and expect Life to be in a certain way – as you wish it to be!
Prasanna, A R Rahman and Vivek
Picture Courtesy: InternetThis morning’s papers carry the poignant story of Tamil comedian Vivek’s 14-year-old son Prasanna’s untimely death. The boy succumbed to suspected dengue and brain fever after 40 days in hospital. One of the paper’s pointed out the irony – Vivek has been an ambassador for the Tamil Nadu government’s dengue-prevention campaign! My auto-rickshaw driver amplified another angle to the irony: “Saar, Vivek made so many people laugh their guts out as a comedian. Poor guy, he is now having to cope with such a huge loss.” When I heard the news first, I remembered A.K.Hangal’s immortal dialogue (written by Salim-Javed) in Sholay (1975, Ramesh Sippy): “Jaante ho duniya mein sabse bada bhoj kya hota hai? – Baap ke kandhe pe bete ka janaaza!” It means: “The heaviest burden in Life is a child’s coffin on a parent’s shoulder”.
I am sure everyone today must be sending Vivek and his family a silent prayer and positive energy. Of course, beyond that none of us can do anything. The truth is, when our time comes, each of us has to deal with our own Life situations. This is perhaps why the famous Hindi poet, Harivansh Rai Bachchan (1907~2003), said this: “Jeevan ka matlab hai sangharsh”; “Life is a struggle, a challenge.” It doesn’t mean that Life is only full of pain and challenges. It means that you have to go through your share of challenges no matter who you are and no matter what you have done or not done, no matter whether you think you deserve it or don’t deserve it.
This is where the Buddha’s advice is very relevant. He said this: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” Suffering is a human, self-inflicted condition. You suffer when you expect your Life to be any different from what it is, from the way it is. Someone dies and you feel the grief. That’s because your pain leads you to grief. And that is natural. But the moment you ask why should this person die or ask why should this person die now, then you have invited suffering into your Life. Who is going to answer your “whys”? Actually nobody has any answers. So, following any painful event or situation, only when you keep clinging on to the grief, do you suffer.

A friend, a retired Wing Commander from the Indian Air Force, who lost his grandson within a day of the child’s birth, had this to say: “Well, he came, he fulfilled his time on the planet and he went away. That was his design. We can’t do anything but accept his reality.” I agree completely with my friend’s outlook to Life. In fact, the simplest way to live Life is to be prepared for anything – and everything. And let us not ask the “whys”. Just take it as it comes. For it was what it was, it is what it is and it will always be what it will be. 

You get better at dealing with criticism with practice

Criticism can be debilitating only if you don’t know how to handle it. If you consider its constructive perspective and don’t dwell on who is criticizing, you can actually learn a lot from it – and improve yourself.
The best way to deal with criticism is the way you would deal with hot candle wax. First allow it to dry up. It is a lot easier to discard it and get it out of your system when it has become cold and stale. Understand also that criticism is just a review about an event or action that is over, past, dead and done away with. In the now, in the present, there is no issue. So, learn to let go and move on than dwelling in the past! Second, appreciate where the person who is critical of your actions is coming from. Even if the person is unjustified, rude, violent or cruel, understand that that person has a right to her or his view. It belongs to that person and does not belong to you __ even if it is about you. Third, understand the message that is being conveyed and see if you can learn from what is being said. Train your mind to respond with an exclamation__from awe, from wonder, from amazement__ that says “Is that so?” instead of responding with anger and violence while asking “How dare you?” Know that when you, even if it is only in your mind, question the other person’s right to opinionate, criticize, it is really your ego which is leading you. Refuse to follow. Turn your attention away. Learn to treat the whole experience like a game. Tell yourself: “Hey! Watch out! This situation, this comment, this person is provoking me. And my mind is urging me to fall prey, to succumb. Let me escape!” And each time you win, punch your fist up like a champion will. When you do succumb, do get dragged into the situation and when you emerge from it bruised and grieving, remind yourself to not fall prey again.
Like with all other games you have learned to play in Life, you get better and better at dealing with criticism with practice. Then, over a period of time, you will have mastered the art of being unmoved. All criticism, then, will just fall off you - like water falls off a duck’s back!

How do you pick yourself up when you have been felled by Life?

The only way forward from a crisis is to get up, gather yourself and move on. 
Many a time, Life deals with you in the most brutal ways. And before you know it you have been socked and have been left devastated with the turn of events. How do you pick yourself up when you have been felled by Life? Well, there are no easy ways in such a situation. You have to take Life as it comes, one day at a time, one step at a time.
When a tragedy or a crisis strikes you – death of a loved one, loss of business or money, a serious health challenge, a heart-wrenching break-up – you feel numbed by the event. All you are asking repeatedly is “why” and “why me”? But there are no answers to any questions in Life. So, you can spend time mourning and grieving – and feeling miserable – or you can move on. Now, there is no problem really with grief. It is after all a normal emotion that follows a loss. In fact, when you encounter grief, don’t try to suppress it. Allow it to rise within you. Feel the grief, hold it, let it hang around and watch it as it first rises and then recedes. When you suppress it, when you resist it, it will persist. But if you let it be, it will fade away. In the aftermath of a crisis, when the grief begins to subside, be aware and pick yourself up again. It will appear to be difficult initially. But when you choose to move on, it will happen more seamlessly than you can imagine.
For instance, just to cheer you up, when someone asks you out for a coffee or suggests a book or watching a movie, don’t say no. In the beginning it may appear that you are “indulging in being happy” while you need to be “clinging on to grief”. But allow yourself that indulgence. Don’t feel guilty. The truth is that your feeling sad is not going to undo your Life. In fact, nothing in Life can be undone. So, to move on, after you have been dealt a Life-changing blow, you must first be ready and willing, and then you must actually, physically, move. Moving on is not a feel-good philosophy, it involves a lot of practical, doable, must-do, actions.

But it all begins with believing that there is a lot of Life after a crisis. What you think is the end of the road, almost always, is the beginning of a new journey.   When you move on, when the scenery changes, as Life goes on, you will find that there is much more to Life than just clinging on to the dead past.