AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 11

Why being in Chennai, even in such a time, is so beautiful

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment" – Mevlana Jalauddin Rumi, 13th Century Persian poet and Sufi mystic    
Chennai continued to amaze – and humble – me with her attitude on the third consecutive day in the aftermath of the worst rains and floods that it has ever seen in a century!
Here are some moments of sheer bewilderment that I experienced as we went around several parts of the city today.
·    The staff at my bank’s branch were mourning the loss of their colleague – he was swept away in the floods on the night of December 2nd. Yet they attended to their customers patiently, diligently. Raji, the customer service officer, informed us that they were working full days this weekend – Saturday (5th December) and Sunday (6th December). I expressed surprise and called the move to work on Sunday historic – in the annals of Indian banking history! She replied, “The calamity is no less historic Sir. We would like to help everyone get on with their lives.” To be sure, this remark was coming from a public-sector bank officer!·              A part of the busy and important TTK Road was cordoned off by residents from K B Dasan Road as they tried to drain the water in their area. They had been water-logged for 5 days – without power and drinking water. Boats were still plying on K B Dasan Road. But even as some of the residents deployed a professional team to pump and drain water into the sewage system, across TTK Road, on C V Raman Road, several others among them regulated the traffic on behalf of the cops. Again nobody honked or complained. There was order, patience and empathy.·            We heard of a friend’s boss’ story from Kotturpuram. He had barely 15 minutes on the morning of December 3rd to collect all important documents, gather his family and leave his home. The water that came gushing in soon after left nothing – repeat nothing – usable; clothes, furniture, home appliances, computers, everything was destroyed! Yet he and his family have chosen to simply move on; they are not grieving what they have lost – which is, practically everything material they owned!!! ·              We stopped at a store to see if we could pick up some milk – something that is in extreme short supply in Chennai these past few days. The storekeeper did not overcharge us – unlike what other opportunistic traders were doing – but allowed us only one sachet (half a litre). He requested us to “adjust” because he wanted to ensure that everyone got a little of what was so scare and so much in demand. Even as he was ringing in our check, he was inviting a bunch of volunteers to “pick up whatever they wanted to from his store – free of cost”. The volunteers, I gleaned, were cooking meals for people from a nearby slum whose homes were still flooded. We thanked the storekeeper for being so generous. But he brushed the compliment aside saying, “It is my duty. The least I can do is to support the relief operations to the best of my ability.”·                   There were rumors flying thick and thin across social media – predicting a horrendous end to Chennai later next week! A young friend, who was rushing off on relief work, had this to say, “Can we do anything to prevent the future from happening the way it must and will happen? Since we can’t, why not just focus on the present than worry about what is still unborn – the future?” Such a spiritual perspective – born right in the throes of an apocalyptical crisis!  ·          Photo Courtesy: Facebook/Internet    Everywhere we went, people were immersed in relief work. Students, doctors, managers, artists, filmmakers, actors, business leaders, traders, autorickshaw drivers, government employees – everyone is chipping in with whatever they can. Chennai suddenly is a city that is driven with purpose, empathy and compassion. My most enduring image of the day came via Facebook – it showed a Muslim man walking through a Vaishnavite shrine in some part of Chennai; he was there to lend support to a relief camp inside the temple. It’s an image that will stay with me for a long, long time. ·         My daughter, who’s all of 20, had been saving for months to be at the Bacardi NH 7 Weekender Music Festival in Bangalore this weekend. She had bought her tickets from her student earnings. But she canceled the trip and joined a bunch of people supporting relief work. She told us: “I just can’t take my mind off what’s going on out there. I don’t think I can enjoy the festival when my city and my people are struggling to get drinking water and food.” I teared up hearing of her decision – both as a parent, and as a fellow Chennaiite.    Our entire day today, yet again, sums up why being in Chennai, even in such a time, is so beautiful. We are seeing a city that clearly is living up to what Sahir Ludhianvi wrote for Mohammed Rafi to sing, and make immortal, in Hum Dono (Dev Anand, Nanda, Sadhana, directed by Amarjeet/Vijay Anand, music by Jaidev) in 1961.  

मैं जिन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया हर फ़िक्र को धुंएँ में उडाता चला गया
बरबादीयों का सोग़ मनाना फिजूल था बरबादीयों का जश्न मनाता चला गया
जो मिल गया उसी को मुकद्दर समझ लिया जो खो गया मैं उस को भुलाता चला गया
गम और खुशी में फर्क ना महसूस हो जहा मैं दिल को उस मकाम पे लाता चला गया
मैं जिन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया हर फ़िक्र को धुंएँ में उडाता चला गया


Chennai, like Sahir Ludhianvi’s poem, has infinite depth. It has soul. And so it knows how to preserve and persevere.
This is what I have learnt from Chennai over the past few days. As citizens who are ‘earning a living’ we are perhaps cold, business-like and, well, even clever. But as a people who are coping with an enormous crisis, who are picking up the threads of our material Life, we are every bit human! And that’s why we will never quite cease to amaze ourselves!

Zen City: #ChennaiGetsUpLetsGoMovesOn

Any calamity brings with it a deep spiritual learning. From Chennai right now, the learning is simple: Get Up, Let Go, Move On!    
Chennai has leaped – not limped please, I repeat, leaped – back to normal.
This morning Vaani and I went around the city in an auto-rickshaw. Even as water levels all over had receded dramatically, the spirit of the citizens of Chennai soared!
Parked inside yet not spared We saw some very rare, interesting scenes. Motorists and traffic cops engaging in cheerful banter. A volunteer inspiring motorists to cross a deep trench – cut through the road to speed up water drainage – on North Usman Road: he wore the biggest smile that I have seen in days. At gas stations people waited patiently. No honking. No public display of impatience. Hawkers and street vendors went about setting up their displays. Cheerfully, enthusiastically.
Everything's out to dry! Or everything's gone!Ashok Nagar, from what we saw, was the worst affected. The ground floor of most homes in 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th Avenues had been invaded by the most innocuous, hard-to-imagine, intruder in Chennai – water. This is where water had risen to almost touch first floor levels – up to about 12 feet. Furniture, TVs, computers, cars, home appliances – nothing’s been spared. This is one calamity that struck across social strata. From the lower income group folks to those who live in bungalows and own, in some cases, more than two cars! As we rode through 9thAvenue and beyond, we saw cars washed away from a long distance – appearing to be parked precipitously on pavements; in reality they were tossed over by the gushing water! Some of them had been reined in by kind folks to the gates of their own houses – an act of absolute courtesy to car owners who would then not have to go too far search for them. Others had turned turtle or were buttonholed into street corners – their windscreens smashed; such was the water’s force and fury!
Aranganathan Subway:
Cooum-likeBut nowhere did we see anyone moping and mourning. Almost Zen-like, people were picking up the threads of their material Life. There was something surreal about their equanimity. What we saw was a personification of the ‘this-too-shall-pass’ philosophy!
We met a lady who has been living alone in her bungalow for over 40 years. Everything in her home is a write-off. Basically she just needs to buy everything anew. She can’t walk. She’s 75. She had to move into her tenant’s office on the first floor of her house to escape the flood. But this is what she told us: “I am surprised this happened to us. Can you imagine, for the first time in 40 years, I have seen so much water in my house? But then things happen. What to do? I will be back in my bedroom tonight!”
Her spirit – of acceptance, let go and move on – was evident everywhere. People just went on with their lives.
Motor Mechanics in Big Demand TASMAC: Always Open!Mechanics were busy helping two-wheeler, auto and car owners to get their vehicles going. Saravana Bhavan, near Ashok Pillar, opened uncustomarily late. But they opened. And, sure enough, soon they had hundreds of hungry breakfast-seekers thronging there for sambar, idli, vadais and their signature filter kaapi. People were washing their cars, furniture and home appliances. Or they were putting out their soaking wet sofas and cushions to dry. There were those bailing out water in buckets on to the street. There were long queues outside all ATMs that had cash – and, importantly, power! But no one complained. A vegetable vendor assured his patrons that he was selling all items at cost price for the day. Corporation workers made sense of the garbage and debris, even as they cleared up, that had been washed onto street corners and pavements. The Aranganathan subway – one of the critical links between Ashok Nagar and T.Nagar – was still flooded to the brim and had floating debris; just looking at it reminded me of the Cooum that perhaps once was! Of course, while a sign outside Big Bang Theory (a favorite, new-age, happening nightlife place) said “Bar Closed”, the ubiquitous TASMAC stores were open – and doing brisk business already!
The water came with such Force & Fury Force & Fury 2If you just saw the material devastation and estimated the amount of money that people have lost individually, you would have expected them to be glum and grieving. Our auto driver, Shankar, exclaimed, “Saar, minimum Rs.1 Lakh per family is required urgently to get their houses back to normal.” That was his sweeping, generalized estimate, albeit, a naïve one too! Yet we only saw people who displayed an uncommon – in ordinary times – trait: practicality. I was amazed and humbled, at the same time, that people have simply accepted what is and moved on.
And so you just move on... Life and livelihoodOutside a gas station on Kodambakkam High Road, a Herbalife volunteer stood with a weighing scale, under a branded kiosk-umbrella. He invited me to check my body mass index (BMI) and fat. He called out, “You can lose weight in just 10 days, saar!” I found his sales pitch opportunistic and jarring – a blemish on an otherwise pristine canvas, where loss and pain had been rendered irrelevant by acceptance, letting go and moving on. But then, isn’t moving on also about letting everyone live? His Life, and livelihood, I reckoned, thrived on the number of conversions he makes per day. So, upon reflection, I concluded that his valiant effort – even when fuel, water, milk and a warm, dry home matter more than BMI – is evident of a city moving on.

To that Zen spirit, to her people, to Chennai, I bow. 

Whistle-Podu for Chennai and her people!

Sometimes words cannot describe the pristine human spirit at work.    
Photo Courtesy: InternetAs Chennai goes through a disastrous phase of dealing with a calamity of apocalyptical proportions, some of the images and updates that are coming via social media are so heart-warming. People are helping each other – food, clothing and emergency medicines are being arranged. Strangers are chatting each other up. There is so much damage, so much loss, so much gloom with so much water flooding the city – yet the streets are full of inspiring, touching gestures and stories.
Photo Courtesy: InternetA young man on a two-wheeler offered to take me around the block just so that I could see how we could get some food to an elderly couple. I hear people are sharing their wi-fi passwords freely so that families can be in touch with their loved ones – the telecom network has sputtered to a stop. But internet connectivity, particularly through BSNL, is still on. A neighbor has cooked hot meals for stranded people and is busy going around in a truck distributing it.
My good friends Divya Srinivasan and Koushik Udayashanker have taken it upon themselves to go around comforting animals – street dogs and cats in particular, who are startled, frightened and hungry. And the young team of founders from The Postbox, Nikhil Joseph and Madhuvanthi Senthilkumar, are doing phenomenal networking on social media - connecting people, supplies and relief operations! I can’t find words to describe their compassion.
Vishal & MonikaFor our part, last evening we took in a young couple, Monika and Vishal, whose home got flooded. We didn’t know them – we were tagged by a friend, whose friend’s friend knows them! Talk of the power of social media!
A lady with a Karnataka registration plate on her car was told by a gas station attendant this: “We are sorry you are having to experience our city like this. We hope you will be back when our city is on its feet again!”

There are so many, many, many more stories. This is a city of over 6 million people. And there may be that many stories out there today. I have no words to express how I feel just now. But I still have one word for Chennai and its people today! In typical ‘namma’ Chennai lingo: Whistle-Podu! 

If you want Nature to be kind to you, start by being compassionate to her

Be compassionate to Mother Nature. Because she is the reason why we are.   
Yesterday evening, when driving into Chennai, through the blinding rain, it just occurred to me that if Nature has struck back, it is only because we have been inconsiderate, irresponsible and reckless – as individuals and as people. Chennai’s been battered with seasonal rains, of a fury that has been not been seen so far – in at least a 100 years. I belong to this city. I was born and raised for most parts here. I have leave here 20 years on the trot. I have not seen rains like this in my lifetime – in 48 years!
Picture Courtesy: Outlook/Internet

And the reason – individual greed, lousy urban planning, poor civic administration and government’s lack of vision apart – is that we, as a people, are irreverent to Mother Nature. As my friend Sruti Harihara Subramanian posted on Facebook: “Mother Earth is angry. Let us go back to worshiping her and begging for her forgiveness. Let us promise to be tender and kind to her and no more take her for granted.” You can’t but agree with Sruti’s perspective.
Of course, when the rains stop and the floods recede, in a matter of weeks, when the blame game begins only to be drowned in the next big crisis, this episode, albeit historic, of Nature’s fury will also be forgotten. Sadly.
But there’s an opportunity here. Can we make a small beginning by being compassionate towards Nature? Reuse. Recycle. Save water. Save power. Plant a tree on your birthday or wedding anniversary. Send out positive energy through your daily prayers – thank Nature for all that you have been bestowed! Only when more of us do this, consistently, we can hope for Nature’s continued compassion. Only then can we hope to leave a better planet for our children to live in!  

On just being…grateful!

Thanksgiving as an event may be over, but as a spirit, let it thrive!  
To be blissful, just be grateful! And to experience bliss in a nano-second, just drink some water. But drink it slowly. Feel it travel within you. Drink the next sip. Feel it traveling. Don't think about anything else. Just feel the water. Feel it heal, re-energize and rejuvenate you. That feeling is bliss.
More than 60 % of the world is water. Yet 97 % of it is salty. Of the remaining 3 %, 2 % is inaccessible and is hidden among snowy mountains and frozen glaciers. The world's population survives just on 1 % of the water available in the world. Yet several millions of people across the world don't get even a bucketful of water for their ablutions, forget their potable water needs. By 2025, 1.8 Billion people across the world will struggle to get their daily quota of water, according to National Geographic. You just drank two sips of the world's most precious elixir. Feel blessed. May those two sips soak you in gratitude. You experience bliss when you just be__and are grateful!

Why hurry towards an appointment with death?

Don't rush through Life. Go easy. Go soulfully.
It is another Monday morning. Perhaps a Manic Monday? Meetings. Deadlines. Delays. Mayhem! To not hurry through Life is a skill. It can be learned just as any other. Just look at ourselves. From the time we wake up, to the time we sleep, we are rushed. The way we read our morning papers, the way we bathe, the way we eat, the way we drive, the way we walk, all of it is gripped by a sense of busy-ness that ultimately will lead us to the same point that everyone will arrive at: death!
Why will you want to hurry towards an appointment with death? Well, that's what we are doing precisely!!
Ask anyone who's rushing why he or she is in a hurry and you will hear them say: "Well, I am saving time!" Saving time? The irony is, at the end of the day, everyone who's rushing always complains that there isn't enough time! Your rushing may help you cover the distance faster but will not enable you to enjoy the scenery. At the end of all the rush, when it is time to depart, you will regret never having lived, never having arrived where you intended to, never having smelled the roses in Life's garden!
Make 10 simple changes to your routine so that you can live and enjoy this experience of living: 
1.Reduce the number of meetings that you have to have in a day: one big or two small ones is all you can take 2. Arrive at the airport with 2 hours to spare before a flight 3. Eat you meals slower than you normally do relishing each morsel 4. Spend 15 additional minutes with your family each day; when you kiss your spouse and children goodbye, look at them just a wee bit longer.  5. Take an additional few minutes in the bath thinking not of the day's schedules but of how rejuvenating bathing is 6. Read one inspiring passage over 30 minutes daily 7. Read it at least once more before you retire for the day 8. When you see Nature in full bloom__a sunrise, sunset or trees swaying in the breeze or birds chirping__pause, admire, soak in, before you proceed 9. Spend 15 minutes daily on Facebook connecting or chatting with childhood friends 10. Be silent for 20 minutes daily.

Spiritual thinker and my Guru Eknath Easwaran says, "Where hurry prevails, there can be no satisfaction for the doer." So, if you are not happy with the quality of your Life, you now know who is responsible and where to start!

“Faith is the key to live happily!”

‘The Happiness Road’ is a weekly Series on this Blog that appears on Sundays where I share my conversations with people while exploring their idea of happiness!
This Sunday we feature the 73-year-old Ghatam maestro, Padma Bhushan and Grammy winner, Vikku Vinayakram!
Photo by Vaani AnandVikku Vinayakram’s home in Triplicane in Chennai houses his study-cum-meditation room on the second floor. The room is sparse for most parts. Huge portraits of the seer of Kanchi, the Paramacharya or Maha Periyava, Sri Chandrasekharendra Saraswati Mahaswami (1894 ~ 1994), in different styles, adorn the walls – from posters to paintings to stained glass works.
In the middle of the room, on a colorful rug, a jamakaalam, sits a Ghatam. It is a souvenir that a ghatam-maker gave Vikku. It has Vikku’s face carved out in the clay. He doesn’t prefer talking about that Ghatam though – “The person who made this was over-enthusiastic. Out of affection for him, I have retained this in my study. I had him make another one with Maha Periyava’s image; that one’s in my Poojaroom.”
The Grammy Winning Planet Drum Team
Photo by Vaani AnandThe shelves and cupboard tops, and even some cartons, are full of awards that Vikku has received in his over 60 years as a performing artist. He wants to show Vaani and me his Grammy memento – which he had won in 1991 for playing for American percussionist Mickey Hart’s (who once was part of the band Grateful Dead) Album, Planet Drum; the Award was for the Best World Music Album that year. But Vikku can’t find his Grammy memento among all his other awards. He manages to locate a plaque that all artists who played for Planet Drum have signed on the occasion of winning the Grammy. What Vikku says when his search for the Grammy memento yields no result is deeply spiritual and awakening: “Parava illai! It’s okay! It’s here somewhere. For sure. What is important is that I enjoyed myself playing for Mickey Hart and with the other artists. The process of playing the Ghatam, to me, overrides any recognition that I have got.”
Photo Courtesy: InternetNow, the man who’s saying this is the world’s best Ghatam player. In fact, he’s credited with putting the humble Ghatam on the world music scene. He’s always played with all-time greats in Carnatic music – Chembai Vaidyanatha Bhagavathar, M.Balamuralikrishna, GNB, Madurai Mani Iyer, Semmangudi Srinivasa Iyer, Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengar, Maharajapuram Santhanam and M.S.Subbalakshmi (not a complete or exhaustive list). And he’s played with many Hindustani music stalwarts too – Hariprasad Chaurasia, Zakir Hussain, Shivkumar Sharma and Amjad Ali Khan (not a complete or exhaustive list). More important, he’s among those first artists from India who were bold enough to experiment playing world fusion music despite a very strong, conservative, classical orientation. In the 1970s, Vikku played with English guitarist John McLaughlin’s Shakti alongside Zakir Hussain (Tabla), L.Shankar (Violin) and Ramnad Raghavan (Mridangam).  And then, of course, came Mickey Hart’s Planet Drum – and the Grammy.
But Vikku is untouched by all this glory. As he sips filter coffee from a davara-tumbler, he nods his head furiously when I suggest to him that he must be very, very content with himself – what with a “lifetime in music and an era in greatness behind him”? “No saar. Your question needs review. The Ghatam has been around from the time of the Ramayana and Mahabharata. It is the only instrument that is made from the earth – one of the five elements, one of the pancha bhoothas. Who am I to take credit for making the Ghatam famous or for all this glory that has come on account it? I am most content playing good music with good people for good people to enjoy and energize themselves. I consider myself to be a postman, a messenger, a mere instrument for music to reach people. How can any instrument take credit for the music?” he asks.
Photo Courtesy: InternetTo understand and celebrate Vikku’s humility better, his story must be told in some detail. Born along with his sister, Seethamani, as a fraternal twin, Vikku’s original name was Ramamani. His father, Harihara Sarma, a Mridangam artist and teacher, was advised by soothsayers that only one of the two children would survive; if both had to survive, one of them had to be given away in adoption. Sarma chose to give Ramamani in adoption to his favorite deity – Lord Vinayaka. And so the name Vinayakram came about! Although Sarma lost one of his fingers in an accident, he taught young Vinayakram to play the Ghatam by giving him beat-based instructions orally. Sarma’s only vision was that Vinayakram play the Ghatam so well that the instrument becomes famous across the world. “My grounding comes from my father’s vision. He did not urge me to play well for money or fame. He always taught me that music and the Ghatam are much bigger than me,” reminisces Vikku.
The big break came when a 22-year-old Vinayakram was “accepted” by M.S.Subbalakshmi’s husband T.Sadasivam to accompany them on a US tour in 1964. Owing to the Indo-Pak war that intervened, the trip was postponed; but it eventually happened in 1966. That was the first time any lead artist was willing to allow the Ghatam as an accompaniment on the world stage. That tour gave Vinayakram a feel of what it means to play music to a global audience. It also gave him his nickname, Vikku, which has since stuck on. “My father’s advice that music is divine, that it does not have boundaries and is not limited by styles and languages, resonated with me so much on that trip. Just the experience of performing with MS Amma was so transformational. Ghatam owes its gratitude to MS Amma for giving it global stature,” he says.
Vikku has been very faithful to his father’s advice. He has always chosen music over anything else in Life. In the mid-70s, when he received an invitation from John McLaughlin to perform with Shakti, he was on the verge of accepting a “permanent” job as an All India Radio (AIR) artist. Choosing the AIR job meant a steady income and job security. Going with Shakti meant short-term financial gains but infinite joy! Vikku chose joy! “I learnt the value of inner peace and joy from MS Amma and ‘Veena’ Balachander. Both of them told me, like my father always did, ‘do only what gives you joy’. I simply followed their advice. Today, when I look back, I am glad I did what I did. I would have never been happy with anything but playing my music, my way,” he explains.
Photo Courtesy: The Hindu/InternetIsn’t Life as a musician, despite all the highs it offers, pretty unpredictable in a practical sense? The income is not consistent. And then there is age – and the question of staying relevant in an ever-changing world. How does Vikku deal with these factors? His one-word answer is ‘faith’. He says you have to have faith that a higher energy will take care of you. To Vikku, that higher energy has always been the Kanchi Maha Periyava. “His grace is immense. It has guided me thus far and I have implicit faith that it will stay with me forever,” he says. He shares an anecdote to amplify this point. Vikku was recently diagnosed with an eye condition that required a neuro-surgery that would necessitate that he cannot play the Ghatam for at least 18 months. Vikku says he just “could not accept the medical advice that I must not play the Ghatam.” “I went into my Pooja room and prayed to Maha Periyava. I left it to him. Then I went for my final, pre-surgery, tests. And the tests came good! I would not need a surgery, the doctor told me. Now, how do you explain this? Everyone is searching for God. I have seen God in human form – and that is Maha Periyava,” he says.
As we get ready to leave, he adds this simple – yet so profound – perspective: “Nambikai – faith – is key to live happily. With faith comes nimmadhi – inner peace. With inner peace comes anandam – happiness. I have always had total nambikai. So even when worry arises or sadness comes, I invoke my faith. Saar…Amma…desires ruin happiness. You can keep on desiring this and that and achieving this and that. As long as you are on this vicious cycle you will always be unhappy. Take Life as it comes, with whatever it brings! Drop your desires and all you will be left with is anandam– brahmanandam. Happiness – total bliss!”

As we stepped on to the street to find transport to take us home, Chennai was getting flooded by a torrential downpour. I wasn’t worried that we were not going to find a way to get back – Chennai’s notorious for public transport failing when it rains heavily! I was thinking of what kind of an evolved man he must be who doesn’t really agonize that he can’t find his Grammy Award memento! To be sure, Vikku lives the philosophy of a desire-less state that he spoke about. And that’s why he’s so simple, grounded, happy and at peace with himself. Undoubtedly, he’s a rockstar in his own right, but one who’s obsessed only with his music, and never with the trappings that rockstardom brings along with it – the Grammy included! 

Where there is acceptance, there is no suffering!

You suffer only because you are resisting what is and are refusing to accept a situation or a person!
Yesterday, I delivered my “Fall Like A Rose Petal” Talk to over 300 employees of Tata Consultancy Services. A young lady manager, who appeared to be going through a lot of emotional distress, wanted to know whether it was possible at all to live “without suffering when people close to you don’t understand you”. She broke down as she asked me this question – she was seeking perspective because I have talked about my poor chemistry with my own mother in my Book.
This was my response: All our suffering comes from our wanting people, things and events to be different from who or what they are. If someone is not understanding you, and is causing you emotional trauma, they are obviously having their own reasons for their opinions. Now, the misunderstanding or absence of understanding occurs only because the opinions between the two of you are divergent. So, accept this fact and move on. You can only repair a situation – or a relationship – if the people connected with it allow you to. You can sit down and talk only with someone who is willing to listen. You can mend fences with someone only if they are willing. You can make new beginnings only when there is willingness from either side. When the other party is not willing, when there is an urge to interpret you than understand you, what is the point in you laboring over the relationship and suffering, expecting that person to behave differently? My advice is always to try and fix any relationship by having honest conversations. The key operative word is ‘honest’ here – be in the face and speak your mind while according the other party complete dignity. If these conversations fail to improve the chemistry between you both, after at least three attempts, accept that this is how things are meant to be between you two people and move on.
Suffering itself is a completely wasted emotion. How can anything – or anyone – be different from what is – from the way they are – by your pining for it or them? Suffering, wondering why people do what they do, is therefore totally, totally avoidable – in fact, as the Buddha says, it is optional!

Later in the evening yesterday, I ended up at a party where a member of my immediate family, who has chosen to not understand me, too was present. We behaved like strangers. No hostility. No avoiding each other. Just complete strangerhood. The party was a nice one – I enjoyed it! And that’s all there is to Life. If you can relate to someone, great! If you can’t relate to someone, great again; accept that there is no relationship and move on. Where there is acceptance, there is no suffering! 

On why do ‘bad’ things happen to ‘good’ folks?

‘Good’, ‘Bad’, ‘Right’, ‘Wrong’ … all these are societal labels. In reality, Life simply boils down to events and choices.
Something happens to you. It is an event. How you react or respond to that event is your choice. Period. When events meet or exceed your expectations, you label them good. If they don’t, you label them bad. If a choice you made delivers the outcome you expect, you call it good. And if it does not, you call it a bad choice! Simple.
Last evening, over some exotic Moroccan Mint tea, someone who had heard of our story and my Book asked me how could a ‘talented’ couple like Vaani and me be put through such a ‘trial’ by Life? This is a question that we are often asked. And I don’t have a very elaborate answer. The one I have is this…
Talent. Trial. Time. These are three things that we always obsess about. We think we are talented so we must be successful. We believe because we are good folks, Life should not try us! And we always want to be having the time of our lives – the way we want it! To be sure, talent and trial have no correlation. Often, we wonder why should we be tried in Life when we are talented, intelligent and ethical? Why should ‘bad’ things happen to ‘good’ folks? We must remember that talent is what we are endowed with; that includes the ability to deal with all kinds of trials and tribulations in Life! Trials are what we are and will be faced with. Both talent and trials are Life's ways of making us who we must eventually be. And time is the eternal healer. Time is the catalyst. Time eventually makes us complete. When it is time to be tried, we will be. And when it is time to be toasted, we will be! So, if we give up the expectation that talented folks must not be tried, and learn to flow with time, we will never agonize in Life! We will be blissful!







Last night, as I caught Yash Chopra’s 1965-classic Waqt (Time) on TV, this iconic song played on aptly. The lead lyrics are aage bhi jaane na tu, pichhe bhi jaane na tu, jo bhi hai, bas yahi ek pal hai…meaning that you don’t know the future, you can’t do anything about the past, all you have is this moment, the now, to live in! So, peel off those labels. Don’t obsess over whether your choices are right or wrong. Just be happy you made one! Just be – live – in the moment. For there is no right or wrong, good or bad. Your Life, at the end the day, is all about choices you make in response to the events that happen to you!

Silence, Self and Surrender

Live in total surrender and you will live happily ever after!
Yesterday, a well-meaning friend suggested that we try a new form of Vaastu that helps release positive energy in a living space. His point: Vaani and I badly need that positive energy to bounce back in our Life and business. While I don’t deny that we need to bounce back in business, we can’t quite relate, anymore, to any of the methods that are on offer. Not that we didn’t try them before. We did. We wore rings and stones on our fingers, we tried foo dogs and laughing Buddhas and fountains and gem trees, we tried “freeing” up the north-east corner of our home and almost every method that’s available in the public domain. To be sure, we still consult astrology and use it like a dashboard. Even so, with due respect to all the sciences that promise “better living”, I can, through my own personal experience, learnt that the only science that works for intelligent living is the science of silence, Self and surrender.
Simply, when you embrace silence, you understand your true nature, your true Self, and through that understanding you learn to let go and surrender to Life.
I have come to realize that this is the best way to live. Don’t protest any situation. Don’t berate yourself. Don’t be angry, guilty, fearful or anxious. Just accept what is, work to your best ability on changing what is if you don’t like it, and surrender to Life’s ways, to its flow. This is a discipline – like a fitness regimen or a diet or a manufacturing process. You learn to perfect it over time. And you start by being silent for a certain period of time daily – usually 20 minutes is a good start for beginners. Slowly increase it to an hour. During your silence period, you remain silent; don’t try to silence the environment, you remain silent! With diligent practice of daily silence periods, you will awaken to this truth that your trying to control your Life is meaningless drama. You will know that whatever is happening to you is beyond your control and is happening in spite of you and never because of you. Then you will realize that total surrender – saranagatias the scriptures teach us – is what intelligent living is all about!  

Surrender does not mean inaction. It only means that you act knowing that the outcome is not in your control. Not in your hands. So you act, to the best of your ability, and leave the outcome to Life – accepting whatever is! Then you are forever soaking in positivity. You are always happy no matter what circumstances you are placed in. You don’t need any crutches – Vaastu, Feng Shui, superstitions, astrology, gemology – to live. To live well, to live happily, you only need to be silent for some time daily, you will then know who you really are and will realize the value of total surrender!