Brian Dembowczyk's Blog, page 2

“Bible 101” Breakout

2025 KidzMatter Conference (October 7, 2025)

The Bible is at the center of all we do, so it’s helpful to know as much about it as we can. This breakout provided on October 7, 2025 at the KidzMatter Conference in Evansville, Indiana, covers how the English Bible came to us and its trustworthiness, why we have different English translations, strategies to consider when choosing or recommending a Bible, and questions you might have about the wonderful gift God has given us in the Bible.

TUE 1530 Bible 101Download

“Is My Ministry Really a Gospel-Centered Ministry?” Breakout

2025 KidzMatter Conference (October 7, 2025)

We know that Jesus must be at the center of all we do in ministry, but how do we determine if truly He is? This breakout provided on October 7, 2025 at the KidzMatter Conference in Evansville, Indiana, explores what it means to be gospel-centered and how we can evaluate each of the key aspects of our ministry programs to see if Jesus is really at the center of it.

TUE 1230 Is My Ministry a Gospel-Centered MinistryDownload

The Child Theologian

Teaching Kids Theology Part 6

TLDR: Teaching theology is much like teaching math; you start with the basics and then build on them. As we teach a child theology, we start with the big ideas a child can handle, and then we build on them as the child grows and matures.

Theology is like math; it builds on itself. When you learn math, you start with the basics: numbers, addition, and subtraction. Then you move on to multiplication and division, which are based on addition and subtraction. After that, you progress to fractions, decimals, exponents, and algebra before moving on to higher math like geometry and calculus.

The Basics of Theology

Kids best learn theology the same way. We start with the basics, thinking in big categories like God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, people, sin, salvation, the Bible, Christian living, the church, and last things. And then within those categories, we think of the bigger ideas, like God is Creator. God is good. God is love. These bigger ideas in these big categories make up the foundation of theology that we teach to a child.

If we are introducing a young child—say a preschooler—to theology, we would begin with simple words too. “God made everything” might be better than “God is Creator.” At the same time, if we were introducing an older child to theology for the first time, we would likely use the latter phrasing.

Building on the Foundation

From there we’d move toward precision and expansion of these core ideas. “God is Creator” might become “God is Creator of everything from nothing.” We could then add on key ideas like God created everything good, he created everything for a purpose, and he created people as the pinnacle of all he made.

From there, we’d begin to connect ideas. We might focus on why God made people, which would lead to the relationship we can have with God, which would lead to sin breaking that relationship, which would lead to Jesus being God’s provision to make things right again.

That’s the beauty of theology—it’s all interconnected. And because most kids are naturally curious, these connections offer amazing opportunities for us to share the gospel with our kids. So, don’t be afraid of the questions your child might ask. Each question is a yearning for knowledge and understanding. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers; no one does. Instead, when your child asks you something you can’t answer, say so, but then make a plan to research an answer together.

Moving at Each Child’s Pace

While there are suggested benchmarks for what a child should be learning (like the Levels of Biblical Learning), keep in mind that these are general guidelines. Each child is unique. Some kids might take a little longer in general or perhaps in one area. Others might move more quickly. And it makes quite a difference when a child begins learning theology.

What matters most is that we move with the child, going at the pace they need. Learning theology is not a race! It’s a marathon. It’s a life-long pursuit of understanding God and His ways. Know that whatever foundation you lay with God’s help will be a solid foundation that He will continue building upon for the rest of your child’s life.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

Family Discipleship that Works Breakout

For the Church National Conference Breakout (September 30, 2025)

Family discipleship isn’t flourishing in the United States. The data continues to affirm this, and anyone in ministry knows this to be true from observing their families struggle in this area. The truth is that family discipleship has never flourished in America.

This breakout provided on September 30, 2025 at the For the Church National Conference in Kansas City, Missouri, explores one of the main reasons why—too few families have a clear goal in mind and heart—and offers some possible solutions centered on helping kids come to know Jesus, trust in Jesus, and live like Jesus.

Family Discipleship that WorksDownload

The Parent Theologian

Teaching Kids Theology Part 5

TLDR: Theology isn’t just what we learn; it’s also what we do. While pastors and teachers can help kids learn and apply theology, they are more limited in the latter because of time and proximity. But parents have the unique opportunity to greatly influence how their kids live out what they learn.

Imagine that one of your children came to you one day and told you that they wanted to play soccer. So you go online and buy the necessary equipment and a handful of books about soccer. When the shipment arrives at your door, you have your child put on the gear and sit down on the couch, and then you read book after book to them. A few hours later when you’re done, you announce, “Okay. We’re all done. How did you like soccer?”

How do you suspect your child would respond? Probably something like, “What? That wasn’t soccer! I learned about soccer, but I wanted to play soccer!” And they’d be right.

Applied Theology

This story is a silly illustration for what theology is. When we think of theology, we probably think of what we learn—and that’s true, of course. Theology is taught. But theology isn’t only taught. Theology is lived. We can call this applied theology. This is what Paul wanted for his young protégé Timothy to understand:

Every scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the person dedicated to God may be capable and equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16–17 (NET)

We can see that “teaching” comes first, but it doesn’t stop there. “Reproof” and “correction” imply not just a change in thinking, but in behavior too. But then we see “training in righteousness” and that becomes even clearer that theology is to lead to action. And if we still had any doubt about the active nature of theology, Paul concludes with the grand purpose of all this: so that we are “equipped for every good work.”

Theology, then, isn’t just an exercise of the head. It’s also to be an exercise of the heart and the hands. Head. Heart, Hands. Orthodoxy. Orthopathy. Orthopraxy. That’s the fullness of theology that we’re after.

Applying Theology

Now, some of you might be thinking, “Wait a minute. I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea that I was supposed to teach my kids theology, but now I also need to somehow figure out how to apply theology? Now I’m really uncomfortable.” And that’s okay if you are. But remember, God doesn’t call us to do anything he doesn’t equip and empower us to do. And when you understand the Rosetta Stone of applied theology, you’ll see it really isn’t as difficult as you might think. So what is that Rosetta Stone? What is the key to driving theology learned to theology lived? Jesus.

Here’s the big idea we need to remember. God made us as his image bearers (Genesis 1:26–27). And Jesus is the perfect image of God (Colossians 1:15; Hebrews 1:3). So if we want to know how it is that we are to live, we look to Jesus.

Now, we know that Jesus is the Son of God come to earth in the flesh. So, he is fully divine and fully human without either of those two natures mixing or being compromised. He isn’t 50 percent God and 50 percent human. He isn’t 100 percent human-God. He is 100 percent God and 100 percent human. So when it comes to imitating Jesus, we don’t imitate his deity, of course. We imitate his perfect humanity. And this is where we find our key to apply theology.

Two Lenses to See Jesus

Whatever we learn in Scripture, we connect to Christ. We do this in one of two ways: (1) we connect it to Christ’s redemptive work and (2) we connect it to Christ’s perfect character. Sometimes we can do both. Take Abraham’s near-sacrifice of Isaac in Genesis 22 for example.

When we read this account, it becomes quickly apparent that this is a picture of the cross. The father is to offer his beloved son’s life. They walk up a mountain that many scholars believe would have been where Jerusalem was later built. The son carries the wood. And when we read and interpret this true historical account through that lens, we are left shaking our heads in awe of what God the Father did for us. Abraham nearly sacrificed Isaac; God the Father sacrificed his Son.

But we also see something else in this passage. Genesis 22:2 is the first verse in the Bible to mention love. God wanted to know if Abraham loved him more than anything, even his son. And we are struck that Abraham did. Abraham’s obedience is impressive, humbling even. And so as we consider this passage, we also are drawn to how God wants us to live in complete devotion and obedience to him. Just like we see with Jesus in the Gospels.

The Marks of Jesus

To help you apply Scripture and theology to Jesus, it might help you to consider the marks of Jesus’ perfect human character. These marks can provide a sort of target for you, but be careful not to restrict everything to them. We never want to force a Scripture passage or theological truth to say what we want it to say. We want to follow it to where God leads.

With that warning, here are a few character marks of Jesus to consider: love, humility, kindness, generosity, obedience, compassion, and friendship. Or, think of the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22–23: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” As we seek to apply theology—to live as God’s image bearers and like Jesus, the perfect image of God, these are what should mark us and our kids too. All applied theology should ultimately lead here.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

The Kidmin Theologian

Teaching Kids Theology Part 4

TLDR: While kidmin leaders are often thought of as glorified babysitters, nothing is farther from the truth. Kidmin leaders are some of the best theologians in the church. They are charged with communicating big truths in simple terms to kids, but without watering them down.

I’ve got a pet peeve. Well, I have more than one, but a particular one is in mind right now. Far too many churches operate as if their kidmin leaders are sitting at the Thanksgiving kids table.

Far too many churches operate as if their kidmin leaders are sitting at the Thanksgiving kids table

If you aren’t familiar with the Thanksgiving kids table, that was the smaller table—often a folding card table—that was set up to accommodate the kids at Thanksgiving dinner. All the adults ate at the “real” table. It was covered with a fancy tablecloth, had candles, and was where all the food was. But because there wasn’t enough room for everyone, the kids were relegated to a small table in the kitchen or some random room. Now, as a little kid, that wasn’t all that bad. You got to relax and have some fun with your cousins or friends. But when you became a preteen—and especially when you became a teen—it was the worst. It made you feel like a little kid—like a second-rate Thanksgivinger.

And that’s exactly how many kidmin leaders are made to feel—as if they are second-rate ministry leaders. This is often done because people see kids ministry mostly as babysitting or playing games. Oh, kidmin leaders share a cute devotional thought at times, but kids ministry isn’t real ministry.

Nothing can be farther from the truth.

The Depth of Kids Ministry

Pragmatically, because most people come to faith in Christ as children, kids ministry is of utmost importance for that reason alone. But kids ministry is far more than evangelism—it’s ministry. And that includes discipling kids.

Pragmatically, because most people come to faith in Christ as children, kids ministry is of utmost importance for that reason alone.

Discipleship is far more than telling Bible stories. That’s a big part of it, of course, but discipleship is helping a child to grow in his or her faith, developing a deeper love for Jesus and finding ways to live like him in the power of the Holy Spirit. And that requires theology. And that requires a kidmin leader to be a solid theologian. Indeed, kidmin leaders should be among the best theologians we have. Why? Because the mark of a strong theologian is being able to take complex doctrines of our faith and distill them down to understandable truths for kids without compromise. Good theologians can discuss theology in theological terms; great theologians can discuss theology in kids’ terms.

Good theologians can discuss theology in theological terms; great theologians can discuss theology in kids’ terms.

That’s why kidmin leaders should be among the best theologians we have. These are the men and women who are tasked with explaining to a child how God is three in one, without lapsing into error.1 These are men and women who are tasked with teaching how and why Jesus paid for our sins on the cross. These are men and women who are tasked with helping kids understand how Jesus is the eternal Son of God who became fully human without mixture of those two natures.

The Master Theologian

Jesus is, of course, the master theologian. Consider one of his favorite teaching methods: the parable. Jesus taught in parables to take lofty truths and bring them down to a level the people of that day could understand. That’s why his parables centered on what they knew, like farming. These parables were life-giving to the Jews of Jesus’ day, and they are life-giving to us today. They remind us that beauty and power and weightiness can be wrapped in simple packages. And that’s what kidmin leaders are to do.

If you’re a kidmin leader, take this to heart. You’ve been given a critical assignment. What you do matters today and into eternity. You’re not at the Thanksgiving kids table of God’s kingdom. You’re at the main table with the rest of your family. Right were you belong.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

To this end, all object lessons must be rejected. The Trinity is not like a three leaf clover—each leaf is not a full clover, but each person of the Trinity is fully God. The same is true of an apple or an egg. The Trinity is not like ice, water, and steam—the same water particle cannot be in each state at the same time, but all three persons of the Trinity exist eternally at once. And the Trinity is not like a man who is a father, a brother, and a husband all at once—he is only one man playing different roles at times while God is not one Person playing different roles. ︎

Developing a Theological Triage

Teaching Kids Theology Part 3

TLDR: Not all theological beliefs should be held the same. Some are essentials that should divide us from others who don’t hold them because they determine a true believer or church. Others are important and should separate us to a degree from other Christians, but with charity. While still others shouldn’t separate us at all. Knowing where our theological beliefs should fall is critical.

Theology can be intimidating for parents and kidmin leaders because few have been formally trained in the field. And it doesn’t take long to discover how deep and complex theology can be. Remember those terms from Part 1 of this series? Hypostatic union, Gnosticism, anthropocentrism, creatio ex nihilo, epistemology, kenosis, and theophany? But we need to remember that even professional theologians don’t know it all. They might know a lot, but they don’t know it all. We all have questions. We all have times when we need to shrug our shoulders and say, “I haven’t got a clue!”

But we also need to remember that we know more than we think we know—especially the core theological truths. And that’s where we will spend most of our time teaching theology to kids. Our kids don’t necessarily need to understand the complexity of the hypostatic union, but they do need to know that Jesus was fully God and fully man.

Our kids don’t necessarily need to understand the complexity of the hypostatic union, but they do need to know that Jesus was fully God and fully man.

This all takes us to the final big idea we need to explore in this brief introduction to theology. All theological truth matters, but it is not all weighted the same. What one believes about Jesus being our sinless Savior is essential; what one believes about how exactly Jesus will return is not. The problem is when we try to weight all theological beliefs equally—when we try to hold them all as essential and give no wiggle room to others. And this is where the concept of a theological triage factors in.

To understand a theological triage, imagine an ambulance arriving on the scene of an accident with several injured people. The crew can only treat one person at a time, so what do they do? They triage the injuries to determine which ones are most urgent, and then they treat those people first.

This is what we need to do in theology. We need to triage the importance of theological truths to determine which we need to spend more time studying and teaching, and which aren’t as critical. This is also important for how we teach our kids to apply theological truths. Some are worth dividing over; others shouldn’t separate God’s people at all.

Level 1: Essentials

These are theological beliefs that are essential to the Christian faith; thus, they are non-negotiable. If anyone doesn’t believe Jesus was sinless, for example, then that person isn’t within the orthodox Christian faith. For this reason, we cannot compromise on essentials, and they serve as the great determiner of who is in the faith (those who hold them) and those who are not in the faith (those who reject them). This means that these essentials both unify the church (no matter how believers may differ on the other beliefs because these essentials hold us together as one people) and separate the church from the world. If a church does not hold to these essentials, it isn’t a true church and therefore that is grounds to separate from it. To be clear, denying an essential isn’t grounds to consider separation; separation would be needed.

Level 2: Convictions

These are theological beliefs that are important, but that aren’t essential to the faith. These beliefs are based on Scripture, but there can be disagreement concerning them. As we mentioned earlier, what one believes about the end times qualifies for this level. That isn’t essential to salvation, but it’s important and what one believes should be based on Scripture. Church forms of government (called polity) is another example of this level. Denominations exist because of differences of level 2 theological beliefs. But these separations should be done with grace, love, and respect. A church that baptizes infants cannot function fully with a church that doesn’t. They can partner at times, but separation in day-to-day activities is understandable. But that separation should be done with charity and those two churches should seek opportunities to complete kingdom work together.

Level 3: Preferences

These are theological beliefs that may or may not be based on Scripture. For example, a style of worship might be a preference, as would be how one dresses at a worship gathering. These are beliefs that should never divide God’s people. We should be able to agree to disagree, and we should be willing to defer to others in humility.

As you grow as a theologian, it’s important to categorize your theology properly—not allowing level 1 essentials to slip into level 2 or level 3, and not allowing level 2 or level 3 beliefs to sneak into level 1. It’s also important to hold what you believe more loosely and with more generosity in level 2 than level 1 and level 3 than level 2. It’s okay to change a level 2 conviction or a level 3 preference. It’s okay not to have a firm position on them. And it’s okay for others to have different positions than you have.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

Growing in Two Directions

Teaching Kids Theology Part 2

TLDR: As we grow in our understanding of theology for ourselves and to teach it to kids, we are to grow in two directions: deeper and wider. Both are critical.

As we saw in Part 1 of this series, everyone is a theologian; the question is whether we are good theologians. We also saw that as a follower of Jesus, you are already a good theologian in several critical areas. But we also know that there’s ample room for all of us to grow. So, what specifically does that growth look like? We can think of growing as theologians in two primary directions.

Growing Deeper

So then, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, continue working out your salvation with awe and reverence, for the one bringing forth in you both the desire and the effort—for the sake of his good pleasure—is God.

Philippians 2:12–13 (NET)

In Philippians, Paul calls on us to “work out [our] salvation with awe and reverence.” This is one of those times when the smaller words we tend to read over quickly truly matter. Notice that Paul doesn’t say we are to “work for our salvation” There is nothing we can do to earn salvation. It’s surely earned by work, but not out work; it’s earned by Christ’s finished work. Also notice that Paul describes it as “your salvation.” There’s ownership in mind there; the reader/believer already has that salvation. So, what Paul is talking about here has nothing to do with acquiring salvation; you cannot acquire what you already have.

What, then, does Paul have in mind here? Think about the core pillars of the gospel that someone needs to understand and trust in to be saved: That God provided his Son Jesus to become human, live without sin, sacrifice himself, and rise again so that all who trust in him are forgiven and restored in relationship with him. There’s a lot there, and a lot more underneath it. To understand salvation, we also need to understand God as our Creator, sin and rebellion, holiness, the nature of substitutionary atonement, and much more. We can capture the essence of the gospel in a pamphlet or simple outline, but doing so only scratches the surface of the beauty and majesty of the gospel. We could focus on just one part of it and keep exploring deeper and deeper. And the more we explore, we’d also discover ways to live differently in light of what we learn. That’s what Paul had in mind in Philippians 2.

I like how J. D. Greear puts it: “The gospel is not just the diving board; it’s the pool.”1 In other words, the gospel isn’t just the entry into the Christian faith and life; it is the Christian faith and life. We should never move past the gospel then. Our calling as Christians, then, is to continue spending time in the Word of God to grow in our understanding of the gospel. Our calling as Christian parents or kidmin leaders is to study the Scriptures in this way so that we can pass what we learn along to our kids.

You might be thinking that you aren’t a trained theologian. But remember, you already have a head start; you have a firm grasp of the fundamentals of the gospel because that is what you needed to understand to be saved. The gospel waters are deep, deep waters. And these are waters we should never depart. So, dive deeper into who Jesus is and what he has done. Dive deeper into sin, mercy, and grace. Dive deeper into faith. Dive deep!

Growing Wider

Make every effort to present yourself before God as a proven worker who does not need to be ashamed, teaching the message of truth accurately.

2 Timothy 2:15 (NET)

This was Paul’s instruction to his protégé Timothy, a pastor, to teach the “message of truth” accurately. As a pastor, that would mean that Timothy was to teach the full counsel of Scripture accurately. This is a helpful reminder that while we can never move past the gospel, we can’t make the opposite mistake of teaching only the gospel proper. In other words, there is a place to teach subjects that are adjacent to the gospel (everything is) but aren’t at the core of the gospel. For example, part of the gospel is that Jesus is returning one day, but how he will do that wouldn’t necessarily be considered at the core of the gospel.

We can never leave the gospel waters, but neither do we just limit ourselves to them. We need to swim out wide. Explore the wonderful waters of all other aspects of theology: God, the Holy Spirit, the Bible, the church, the end times, and more. These are not necessarily what a person needs to know to respond to the gospel for salvation, but that doesn’t mean they’re unimportant.

As you grow as a theologian, don’t neglect this area. Don’t skip branching out wide and exploring various aspects of theology, including the different views of each. One enormous mistake we can make is locking in on a belief and only studying theology through that lens. So, for example, if you are a dispensationalist, don’t study eschatology (end times theology) only from that perspective. Study it from an amillennial and postmillennial view too. Look for the merits and weaknesses of those positions. You don’t have to agree with them to appreciate them. So, go wide in your areas of study and go wide in the perspectives of those areas too.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

https://jdgreear.com/plumb-line-1-the-gospel-is-not-just-the-diving-board-its-the-pool/ ︎

Embracing Theology

Teaching Kids Theology Part 1

TLDR: Theology might seem like an intimidating field of study reserved for professional theologians wearing corduroy sport coats with elbow patches, but it’s not. Theology is simply what one believes about God; therefore, everyone is a theologian.

What do you think of when you hear the words theology and theologian? Probably something like this post’s cover image, right?1 You might picture some academic in a dusty office or library full of books, who is fluent in Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic, and Latin—at least. You might think of some terms that you’ve heard before but have no idea what they mean: hypostatic union, Gnosticism, anthropomorphism, creatio ex nihilo, epistemology, kenosis, and theophany.2 You also might think of famous theologians throughout church history: Augustine, Calvin, Arminius, Aquinas, Luther, Barth, Knox, and Athanasius.

While it’s true that some theological terms are doozies, and that God has blessed the church with scholars who know so much about so many theological concepts we’ve never even heard of, theology and theologian are much more than that. Theology isn’t an esoteric field reserved for a few; theology is an approachable area of study intended for everyone.

Theology isn’t an esoteric field reserved for a few; theology is an approachable area of study intended for everyone.

Defining Theology

The word theology means “the study of God.” Put another way, theology is what a person believes about God. Now, that belief about God can be deep or shallow, it can be wide or narrow, and it can be correct or incorrect. That belief about God can be based on decades of learning, it can be based on minutes of learning, or it can be based on no learning at all—more of an opinion. But because theology is simply what one believes about God, that means that everyone—not just our corduroy-sport-coat-clad friends at seminaries—is a theologian. That means you’re a theologian. And if you have kids, that means they’re theologians too.3 That even means the hostile atheist is a theologian. He or she has a belief about God (as wrong as it is): that God does not exist.

But because theology is simply what one believes about God, that means that everyone—not just our corduroy-sport-coat-clad friends at seminaries—is a theologian. That means you’re a theologian. And if you have kids, that means they’re theologians too.

The Core Question for Every Theologian

If everyone is a theologian, then the question isn’t really Who is a theologian? as much as it’s What makes a good theologian? Even a professional, trained theologian might not be a good theologian. He or she may have spent decades studying, writing, and teaching but have the wrong understanding of God and his ways.

Go back and look at the list of theologians I shared. Did you know that they didn’t all agree with each other? Sometimes they disagreed on some pretty important issues.4 And that generally means that one was right and one was wrong, or perhaps they were both wrong. Of course, no one holds to an error on purpose. Where those theologians disagreed, they believed they were in the right. They believed they had the proper understanding of God and his ways. But we are all humans with limited understanding trying to understand a limitless God. Sometimes we get it right; sometimes we get it wrong. And that includes the “professionals.”

Just like professional theologians can’t be right all the time and there are times when even they throw up their hands and say, “I don’t have a clue about this!” we won’t be perfect in our understanding of God either—we won’t have perfect theology. But don’t let that disappoint or frustrate you. We can get a lot about God right—especially the core issues of the gospel—because of God’s wonderful gift to us in the Bible. And God is kind to give us the Holy Spirit to help us study and understand that Bible and grow in our knowledge of God and his ways—to grown in our theology.

We can get a lot about God right—especially the core issues of the gospel—because of God’s wonderful gift to us in the Bible.

Because you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you’re a follower of Christ—you’ve placed your trust in Jesus as your Savior. That means you are an exceptional theologian in several key areas: That God is real; that Jesus is real; that Jesus came to earth, lived a sinless thirty-plus years, was crucified, and was buried; that on the third day, Jesus rose from the dead; that you are a sinner who was in need of a Savior; and that the only way to be saved is to place faith in Jesus.

That’s a good list! And I’m sure you know far more than that too. You probably have a great theology of who God is (he is love, holy, merciful, all-powerful, etc.) and the Bible (it is God’s word, it is inspired, it is inerrant, etc.). So be encouraged! You are already an amazing theologian!

In the rest of this series, we’re going to explore more about theology with the goal of helping teach theology to kids. Whether you are a kidmin leader, a parent, or both, God has called you to not only be a theologian, but he has also called you to be a theological instructor. Don’t let that intimidate you though! It’s truly not as hard as it might sound. And you won’t even have to buy a corduroy sport coat with elbow patches—unless you want to.

If you are looking for a resource to help you grow as a theologian and to help you teach your children theology, Faith Foundations is for you. These ninety-nine devotions use an ancient tool called a catechism to teach the core doctrines of the faith. Each devotion features a Bible reading, a devotion, several engaging questions, a Jesus connection, and a suggested family activity. Faith Foundations releases October 21, 2025 but you can preorder a copy today.

Don’t miss how apparently AI thinks a theologian like this can somehow balance a book on his knee. ︎Hypostatic union is the joining of the humanity and deity of Jesus without mixture or compromise of either; Gnosticism was an early false belief that Jesus left a “secret knowledge” that only his true followers would know; anthropomorphism is the use of human descriptions to speak of God (e.g., God’s “hand” at work); creatio ex nihilo is God’s creating everything from nothing; epistemology is the study of knowledge, including how we can know anything and how we can be sure of what we know; kenosis is the self-emptying of the Son of God when he came to earth as described in Philippians 2; and theophany is an appearance of God in human form in the Old Testament, often thought to be the “angel of the Lord.” ︎To be clear, I wouldn’t include babies here, or even most toddlers. To be a theologian, you must have reached the point where you can develop mentally-informed thoughts about God. But once a child reaches the point of even a simple understanding that there is a God, he or she has become a theologian. ︎Sometimes it wasn’t the theologians themselves who disagreed strongly, but rather their followers. I placed John Calvin and Jacobus Arminius side-by-side because their followers disagreed especially strongly with each other. In fact, the debate about Calvinism and Arminianism—beliefs that were developed in full after each man died—continues to rage to this day. ︎

Navigating Church Conflict and Departures: When to Be Graceful and When to “Rock the Boat”

TLDR: Leaving a church can feel like a painful divorce, marked by sin and interpersonal conflict. While it’s often recommended to leave quietly to preserve unity, there are situations where confronting wrongdoing is necessary. It’s essential to assess whether to stay or to leave peacefully, or to “rock the boat,” using discernment, prayer, and respectful communication throughout the process.

Leaving a church is rarely easy. In some ways, it shouldn’t be. A church is like a family, which can make leaving one feel like a divorce. And just like in marriages, sometimes those divorces are less than amicable. At times, they’re downright messy. The reason is simple: those in Christ are not free of sin, and sometimes, counterintuitively, a church is the fertile soil that allows sin to blossom.

Compounding the difficulty of leaving a church is the prevailing thought that we should never “rock the boat” when doing so. No matter what, we mustn’t compromise the unity of a church or worse, do something that could cause a church split. Even if we’ve been wronged, it’s better to swallow our pain, anger, and pride, and leave the church quietly. Let go, and let God. At least that’s how the common thinking goes.

But is that right? Is God most honored when we leave a church quietly, no matter what? Or when we stay in one, but allow wrong that has been done to be swept under the rug? I’m not so sure.

When Not “Rocking the Boat” Is Indeed Right

Let me be crystal clear: I’m not saying that it’s always right to “rock the boat.” Far from it; most often, I probably agree with the prevailing wisdom of forgiving and forgetting or leaving quietly. Most often it’s the godly path to take. Here are four times when this is most likely true:

You Stay After A “Normal” Conflict

Not all conflict requires us to go to Defcon 1. Indeed, most of the time, when we experience conflict in a church, it can and should be resolved through a process of prayer, communication, repentance, forgiveness, and restoration. And then it should be over. Now, that doesn’t mean that your relationship won’t necessarily change with the other party. Restoration doesn’t always mean full restoration. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it takes time to get back to the relationship as it was. Sometimes it never will. But even in this last time, there should still be some semblance of a loving, friendly relationship in Christ.

You Leave Because Your Residence Changes

While much of the time when you move away you won’t have cause to “rock the boat” on your way out of a church, we still need to be careful not to offer “constructive criticism” as we walk out the door. Sometimes courage increases inversely with proximity. It’s easier to mention the thing that has been bothering us for a while when our bags are packed. But if it wasn’t bothering us enough to mention it before—when it could have been addressed—then it’s certainly not important enough to mention on our way out.

Now, that’s not to say that there can’t be a place for honest, loving constructive criticism—especially if we are asked to give it. If our heart is truly to help the church be better, then it might be worth sharing. But leaving a church in this context surely isn’t the time to vent.

You Leave Because Your Theology Changes

To grow is to change, and part of that change should be your theology. That might sound odd, but think about it. How likely is it that you landed on the right theological position on every issue as a new believer? Actually, it’s far more likely that some of your earlier positions were…well…flat out wrong. So doctrinal stability is not a sign of spiritual maturity, but change just might be.

Now, the first-tier essentials—the core doctrines—should be stable. Never move away from Jesus being the Son of God, the sinless Savior, who died and rose again on the third day. But your second-tier convictions and your third-tier preferences can certainly change. It’s always best to hold them loosely.

So, what happens when a second-tier conviction changes? To be clear, these are beliefs that are based on Scripture that often separate one local church from another. For example, infant baptism is one of these. It’s not a first-tier essential that identifies a believer from an unbeliever or an orthodox church from a heterodox congregation. But it does matter. For example, it’s difficult for a person who holds to paedobaptism to worship in a church that holds to credobaptism. It’s in these times when it might be best to leave a church, but it’s critical to remember that you changed; the church didn’t. Your job isn’t to convince the rest of the church to swing over to your new theological stance. Rather, respect and love the church. Remember that until recently, you believed what they did. But if the issue is too important to remain as part of the church, leave graciously and peacefully.

You Leave Because Your Values Change

By “values” I’m not talking about doctrines necessarily, but rather what matters to you and your family. For example, this could be where a church has no student ministry to speak of and you have a student who needs those relationships. Or when you are in a church that does not value or participate in missions, but you develop a heart for missions. These values aren’t devoid of Scripture, but it’s not quite the same as changing a theological position. These values are more based on how we put what we believe into practice.

In the end, if you talk with the church leadership about your changing values and you believe it’s not the best for you to stay in that church, leaving graciously is the right thing to do.

Sometimes Leaving a Church Isn’t So Simple

But what about other times? What if the church changes. What if seemingly out of nowhere, the church adopts a doctrine or practice we disagree with or if it changes its vision and values? Or, what happens when the church wrongs us in some way, something that happens far more common than we want to admit?

Again, the prevailing wisdom is that even in these times, we shouldn’t “rock the boat.” Instead, we should leave quietly. But let’s carefully consider the three main reasons often given for doing this to consider how at times it might be best for us not to leave quietly and perhaps not even leave at all.

Reason 1: “Rocking the Boat” Disrupts Harmony

This one might be the most common argument given for leaving a church quietly, even if we have been wronged. The idea is that it’s best for us to swallow our pride, take our lumps, and leave quietly, often without telling anyone about what has happened. To make a fuss means we will compromise the harmony of that church, and that is considered one of the worst things we can do. It’s better for us to just walk away with a self-imposed NDA, or at times to abide by an official or unofficial NDA given to us by the church.

We know that harmony in a church is critical. But we can’t make the mistake of equating harmony with godliness. Even the ungodly can walk together in harmony. So, harmony can be a sign of a church’s spiritual health, but it doesn’t prove it.

Some of the time, when others pressure us to preserve harmony, or we feel self-imposed pressure to be silent, what we’re really being asked to do is allow sin to go unchecked. This is not said lightly. Remember, we’re not talking about differences of opinion here—it’s not like we’re upset because the church painted the walls beige when we wanted them grey. We’re talking about situations in which church leadership has been involved in sexual, physical, emotional, and/or spiritual abuse. We’re talking about situations in which toxic leadership has been displayed. We’re taking about situations in which members have acted sinfully. We’re talking about situations that would not be allowed to stand in most secular organizations.

To leave quietly in situations like this to preserve harmony most likely will simply allow that behavior to continue. A quiet departure can be a covering for sin. Don’t forget, Jesus turned over tables in the temple (Mark 11:15–18)—there was nothing harmony-preserving about that! It was more important for him that sin end than the veil of harmony be preserved. We can learn much from that.

I need to pause here to make something absolutely clear. In times like this, I’m not saying it’s wrong for us to leave quietly. I don’t want to add an additional burden already on top of how we’ve already been wronged. It’s not a matter of what we should do, but rather what we can do. If we have it within ourselves to take a stand against sin, I believe we can. I believe it’s right for us to do so, even if others would accuse us of “rocking the boat.” But I also believe we can indeed leave quietly, if that is what we need to do to protect ourselves.

Reason 2: “Rocking the Boat” Seeks Vengeance

Another reason often given against “rocking the boat” is that to do so is to seek vengeance, and we should leave vengeance to the Lord. It’s true that we should leave vengeance to God (Rom. 12:19), and if that is our motive for “rocking the boat,” then we very well might be in the wrong. However, often the desire of the wronged person isn’t vengeance, but rather accountability and justice.

Seeking vengeance is a desire for retaliation, fueled by our hurt and anger of being wronged; seeking justice and accountability is a desire for God’s truth and ways to prevail, fueled by his holiness. Vengeance puts us at the center of the matter; justice and accountability put God at the center. Wanting vengeance cares mostly about ourselves; wanting justice and accountability cares mostly about the church.

God takes the holiness of the church seriously. The account of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5 proves this. At first blush, striking down this couple for lying about the proceeds of the land they sold seems rather harsh. But this was at the start of the church and God didn’t want to give any sin a foothold into the Bride of Christ. Acts 5 is God gravely warning us that he takes the church’s holiness seriously, and thus we should too. Sometimes that means “rocking the boat” is the best thing to do.

Reason 3: “Rocking the Boat” Distrusts God

A third common reason given for not “rocking the boat” is that it’s best for us to trust God to handle the situation. God knows everything; he’s fully aware of what is going on and he will bring to pass whatever he wills through it all. So, be quiet and let God handle his business.

It’s indeed true that God is aware. It’s true that he will do what he wills in the situation. However, the problem here is that we cannot neglect the possibility that we are the chosen instrument God wants to use to bring his will about. Consider evangelism. God draws people to himself for salvation and a person must trust in Christ to be saved, but God has chosen to use us as evangelists. Both are true: God controls the process and God invites us in to be part of that process.

There’s an old preacher story of a man stuck on his roof during a rising flood. The man cries out to God to rescue him. Soon after, someone in a canoe comes by, but the man refuses rescue, saying that God will rescue him. Soon after that, someone in a boat comes by, but the man again refuses rescue because he says God will rescue him. Soon after that, a helicopter flies over head, but once more the man refuses rescue because he says God will rescue him. Soon after, the waters rise and the man drowns. When he reaches heaven, he asks God why he didn’t save him, and God responds, “What do you mean? I sent a canoe, I sent a boat, and I sent a helicopter!”

We just might be the canoe, boat, or helicopter God wants to use to address sin in a church.

How to “Rock the Boat”

If there is indeed a time when “rocking the boat” is the right thing to do, how do we do that? Just because we might be right to “rock the boat” doesn’t mean we’ll do it in the right way. Both matter. Here are four “gauges” to monitor.

The Right Issue

Just because a church has wronged us doesn’t mean it’s automatically right or best to “rock the boat.” As we’ve seen earlier, there could be a time when we determine that it’s best to leave quietly, or that it’s best to stay, but overlook what has happened. This might be especially true if what we’ve experienced is an anomaly. One offense—even a grievous one—could be forgivable, even if the person who wronged us fails to repent.

But what if there is a pattern of wrong? Or what if the wrong is systemic; it’s not just one person, but it’s a group of people acting in concert? What if we believe we aren’t the only ones who have been wronged, or that others could be likewise wronged in the future? These could all certainly be clues that the issue at hand is worth a confrontation.

Another pause is needed here. If there is ever anything illegal occurring, then we need to involve the police in the matter. If, for example, we learn of sexual abuse, the question isn’t just one of staying or leaving quietly or “rocking the boat”; a crime has been committed and we should contact the police, especially if we are a mandatory reporter.

The Right Process

Because sin is involved, the process Jesus gives us in Matthew 18:15–17 kicks in.

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you, so that at the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, treat him like a Gentile or a tax collector.”

Matthew 18:15–17, NET

The first step is, of course, to go directly to the person or people who have sinned against us and talk with them about it. If we are on staff and our pastor or elders have sinned, we are to go talk with them. If we are the pastor and members of the church have sinned against us, we need to talk with them. If we are a church member and a staff member or elders have sinned, we are to go talk with them. Have a direct, honest, but carefully-toned discussion. Try to go in with more questions than statements. Ask for their perspective of the situation. Give a chance for them to explain. Perhaps no sin has occurred, but rather there has been a misunderstanding. Alternatively, give the opportunity for confession and repentance. If that happens, extend forgiveness as Jesus commands, and talk about ways to restore the relationship and trust moving forward. If possible, come up with tangible steps and determine how to evaluate progress. Set a time to follow up on that progress.

However, if this conversation doesn’t go well, then the next step would be to bring witnesses into a follow-up conversation. Now, some require these witnesses to be witnesses to the sin itself. And if we have witnesses to the sin, it would be ideal to include them. But often, we are sinned against in private; there are no witnesses. That doesn’t mean that we must drop this process after the first conversation as some might claim. Rather, these witnesses are witnesses to this second meeting itself. They are there to testify that the meeting took place (to allow for the third step of the process if it is needed), to what was discussed, to the tone of the discussion, and to other factors.

If this second meeting isn’t successful, then Jesus tells us to take it to the church. Now, what this means isn’t clear, and it depends on our context. For some of us, this means going to other leaders in the church, such as elders, deacons, a personnel committee, a finance committee, or some other committee or group. For others, this might mean going to the lead pastor or other staff member. For others, this might mean taking it before the church body at a business meeting.

If this final step isn’t successful, then it becomes a matter for us of whether we can stay or not. Often, if we’ve gone through this process, we won’t be able to. And in a time like this, it’s best to “shake the dust off our sandals” and be on our way, knowing we strived to be obedient to Christ and that we can sleep well knowing we did so.

One final word is needed here. What do we do when others in the church ask us about what has happened? There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer here; there are too many variables. But the rule of thumb should be for us to share the least amount we have to while being honest. Don’t miss that last part. Sometimes we are told that we should simply tell people something like, “Oh, God has called me away.” But that’s not true, and we don’t want to sin ourselves. Instead, consider how to provide a range of true answers that are more generic to more precise that we can give depending on the context of who is asking. A fellow church member might get a generic answer. A family involved in the ministry we led might get a more specific answer. An elder, deacon, or staff member still a more specific answer. Be true, but be gracious, wise, and careful too.

The Right Attitude

Often, “rocking the boat” will take some time. And that means even if we begin the process with the right attitude and intentions, that can change. If the first meeting with the person or people who have sinned against us doesn’t go well, we can easily move from spirit-led to anger-led. So, it’s critical that we continue to monitor our heart and motives throughout the entire process. Ideally, this means we’d have someone to come alongside us and hold us accountable. This person needs permission to speak truth to us, even if that isn’t easy. It’s never right to confront sin in a sinful way.

The Right Outcome

As we set out to “rock the boat,” we need to know that things very well might not turn out the way we want them to—the way they should. We need to pray to that end, of course, but we also need to prepare for any other outcome. And as we navigate the process, we need to strive to be at peace no matter how things turn out, knowing that God has not failed and that justice is not thwarted. Justice delayed is not justice denied. We need to be okay with that.

We need to ask God to give us peace with any outcome, and to pray for the church’s spiritual health no matter what. Then, we need to move on with our lives—there or elsewhere. This might mean we seek biblical counseling and/or assistance from a licensed mental health therapist to help us process what we’ve experienced and to find healing. That might take time, and trust may be shaken for quite a while, but we need to do what we can to be on that path.

Conclusion

We all wish there would be no need for us to consider “rocking the boat” in a church. But because of sin, there is a need. As we’ve seen, it’s a complex, multi-faceted issue. There are few clear answers—to leave quietly, to stay quietly, to leave while “rocking the boat,” or to stay while “rocking the boat”—and even when a path is determined, the steps are rarely easy. There can be hurt, fear, anger, and trauma. But know that God is in the middle of the process no matter what. Know that his glory is paramount and that he will sustain you, guide you, and even correct you should it be needed. Hold tightly onto him and loosely onto all else. He will sustain you.

So, what do you think? Am I off here? Have I missed something? Feel free to let me know what you think.