Juliet Cook's Blog, page 87
February 1, 2018
folding or flailing
This is not meant as a negative commentary about small presses or editors or publishers. After all, I run my own tiny indie small press (and I'm not some sort of perfect professional expert and I'm not a fan of business socks) and I've always been personally drawn towards small indie presses.
This is just more like a personal mini-rant of small frustration.
In the last less than three years, I've had three different encounters where a poetry chapbook of mine was accepted, but then never ended up being published by the press that accepted it.
If this would have been a onetime thing, I don't think I'd have quite as big of a mental glitch about the matter, but three times in less than three years?
One was solicited, I pulled it out of the other presses it was submitted to, the tentative publication date was put off several times, and then communication from the press just stopped, until I finally just pulled my chapbook out and started submitting it elsewhere.
The other one was accepted by a small press that ended up shutting down close to a year ago - but shortly after that, another small press said they'd love to publish it - but yesterday, I was informed that other small press has decided to shut down too.
So my first poetry submission of February 2018 was submitting a poetry chapbook that's been accepted twice, but then let go of twice, to ANOTHER small press.
I'm not mad; I'm just rather frustrated by this three time sequence of exciting acceptances disappearing into nothing.
Interestingly enough, one of the chapbooks is entitled "circles into nothing". Maybe I should re-name it. Maybe its title is making this happen.
I know a lot of writers have undergone this kind of thing in recent years. Getting extremely excited about having a chapbook or even a full-length book accepted for publication - and then eagerly awaiting that publication - and then having the press suddenly shut down and feeling like you have to start over with your book again (and sometimes wondering if you even SHOULD start over again). The limbo land of an accepted chapbook being pending pending pending and then suddenly let go of and now it's starting to feel old and causing you to wonder if maybe you ought to give up on it.
Since this has now happened to me three times in less than three years, part of my brain feels like giving up on submitting these chapbooks. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, but it has crossed my mind. Also, it's crossed my mind that maybe I should just publish one of my own chapbooks myself, so it can be published before it feels even older, and so that I can move on, without giving up.
I know some people look down on self-publishing and/or don't take it as seriously as being published by another press, but I don't want these two chapbooks of mine to remain in limbo land for another year. Maybe I should compile my three unpublished chapbooks into a full-length manuscript and start submitting that instead. Or maybe I should swallow them all up and then spit them out into something new, like some vomiting broken bird shaped piece of art.
I can handle rejection, but this feels different than rejection. This is getting all excited about an acceptance, extracting your accepted work from other sources, having your accepted work on hold for half a year or more, and then having it suddenly released into the wilderness again and having to start over with it again and wondering if its wings are too misshapen to continue the journey and wondering what the journey even is.
Maybe I'm being melodramatic here, but hey, I'm a poet.
(My next mini-rant might be about how porn appeals to me less and less now that most porn stars are close to half my age. Or it might not. Time will tell I guess.)
This is just more like a personal mini-rant of small frustration.
In the last less than three years, I've had three different encounters where a poetry chapbook of mine was accepted, but then never ended up being published by the press that accepted it.
If this would have been a onetime thing, I don't think I'd have quite as big of a mental glitch about the matter, but three times in less than three years?
One was solicited, I pulled it out of the other presses it was submitted to, the tentative publication date was put off several times, and then communication from the press just stopped, until I finally just pulled my chapbook out and started submitting it elsewhere.
The other one was accepted by a small press that ended up shutting down close to a year ago - but shortly after that, another small press said they'd love to publish it - but yesterday, I was informed that other small press has decided to shut down too.
So my first poetry submission of February 2018 was submitting a poetry chapbook that's been accepted twice, but then let go of twice, to ANOTHER small press.
I'm not mad; I'm just rather frustrated by this three time sequence of exciting acceptances disappearing into nothing.
Interestingly enough, one of the chapbooks is entitled "circles into nothing". Maybe I should re-name it. Maybe its title is making this happen.
I know a lot of writers have undergone this kind of thing in recent years. Getting extremely excited about having a chapbook or even a full-length book accepted for publication - and then eagerly awaiting that publication - and then having the press suddenly shut down and feeling like you have to start over with your book again (and sometimes wondering if you even SHOULD start over again). The limbo land of an accepted chapbook being pending pending pending and then suddenly let go of and now it's starting to feel old and causing you to wonder if maybe you ought to give up on it.
Since this has now happened to me three times in less than three years, part of my brain feels like giving up on submitting these chapbooks. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, but it has crossed my mind. Also, it's crossed my mind that maybe I should just publish one of my own chapbooks myself, so it can be published before it feels even older, and so that I can move on, without giving up.
I know some people look down on self-publishing and/or don't take it as seriously as being published by another press, but I don't want these two chapbooks of mine to remain in limbo land for another year. Maybe I should compile my three unpublished chapbooks into a full-length manuscript and start submitting that instead. Or maybe I should swallow them all up and then spit them out into something new, like some vomiting broken bird shaped piece of art.
I can handle rejection, but this feels different than rejection. This is getting all excited about an acceptance, extracting your accepted work from other sources, having your accepted work on hold for half a year or more, and then having it suddenly released into the wilderness again and having to start over with it again and wondering if its wings are too misshapen to continue the journey and wondering what the journey even is.
Maybe I'm being melodramatic here, but hey, I'm a poet.
(My next mini-rant might be about how porn appeals to me less and less now that most porn stars are close to half my age. Or it might not. Time will tell I guess.)
This Saturday February 3, Words Made Visible!
This Saturday! Poetry and art!Words Made Visible is a literary-visual art collaboration, associated with Lit Youngstown and Youngstown State University. Poems and prose by Ohio-affiliated writers were chosen to be printed on posters, broadsides and stamped into sidewalks. Students in YSU art classes chose poems and stories and responded to them through visual art.Two of my poems were selected by YSU Ceramics students! I will get to see their art and read my poems Saturday, as well as seeing lots of other art and listening to lots of other poems. More details here - https://www.facebook.com/events/418501788552920/
January 29, 2018
The First Thirteen Myna Birds Flock of 2018 is Here!
The first Thirteen Myna Birds flock of 2018 has arrived! Filled with art and poetry by Chandra Alderman, Siân Killingsworth, Robert Beveridge, Kelly Gangeness, Joe Dolsen, Kevin Ridgeway, Mike Zone, and Mish!"I wake each morning with a painful thrill - a dead dragonfly pinned to the black felt of a shadow box - The tracks, tiny tunnels to his heart - all plugs connected to the socket - The glass eyes ready to drop out; fearful of fate - packets of white crystal neurological agents of sweetness used in civilian warfare - High voltage lines, a thousand stinging scorpions - colors bleed onto the customer’s skin - they save the world and i brood - gape gray"
HERE - https://13myna.blogspot.com/
HERE - https://13myna.blogspot.com/
January 25, 2018
Side Effects May Include
A few times in my early twenties and early thirties, I saw therapists primarily because I was having a hard time handling my own obsessive compulsive streaks, panic, and anxiety. I was never looking for a pill to fix myself or tone myself down. I didn't feel that my issues were severe enough to automatically dive in to a pill. I thought pills were too often over prescribed for the wrong reasons (such as pharmaceutical industry reasons). I didn't want to tone down my own personality, my emotions, or other parts of the real me, especially since I thought that my strong emotions were a large intrinsic element to my natural creative process, passion, genuine communication, poetry, and art. Despite sharing those feelings with therapists, pills were recommended anyway, but I always declined that recommendation, deciding for myself that I'd only take them if I really needed them in order to live a semi-normal life. I am grateful that I was always able to handle my own mental glitches without having to resort to a pill. I know quite a few people with more severe mental issues who have less of a choice in the matter.
Seven or eight years ago, when I unexpectedly started having seizures, I had less of a choice in the matter too, because it was either take a pill or have more seizures. I was initially very unhappy (borderline depressed) about it, because I had been an anti-pill person for years (again, primarily because of the pharmaceutical industry and pills being quickly and easily and casually over prescribed without much personal analysis of the brains they would be impacting), but the first few seizures I'd had involved suddenly passing out in a public place and peeing my pants and suddenly waking up in my own bed at home, feeling out-of-it, confused, and finding out that I had knocked down a bunch of stuff in my house with no recollection of how or when or why and I had banged the back of my head against something with enough severity that I had a welt and needed to go to the ER and get checked for a possible concussion. That's when I ended up being unexpectedly admitted to the hospital, undergoing various tests, and finding out that my brain was now prone to seizures. That's when I ended up having a seizure pill prescribed to me and feeling angry and out of control, because my choices seemed so limited and I don't remember them ever even being discussed with me. A certain pill was just automatically prescribed to me.
Despite serious initial unhappiness about the situation, I did what I needed to do, and started taking my suddenly prescribed seizure pills. The generic pill I was prescribed had significant side effects for a month or two, the worst ones being that it toned down my energy, toned down my passion, drained my emotions, and made me care less about things that were usually important to me. But thankfully, I acclimated myself to that pill within a few months and after that, for the most part, I had no major side effects for years.
Unfortunately, near the end of last year, the manufacturer's version of the generic seizure pill I'd been taking for years stopped being available at my pharmacy or any other pharmacy near me. My mom made a substantial effort to help me by researching other manufactured versions of my generic pill and we chose the one that appeared to have the least complaints from people who were using it. I began taking it shortly before the New Year.
I had one seizure within the first week of the New Year (which might be fairly common when someone switches from a pill with one set of fillers to a pill with another set of fillers). In addition to that, after years of being free from pill side effects, I'm experiencing side effects again and they're not very comfortable. I'll think I'm getting used to the pill and have a day or two of feeling close to normal, but then I'll have multiple days in a row that involve anxiety and/or panic and/or an entire day where I feel semi-randomly annoyed and angry.
It strikes me as uncomfortably ironic that some of the side effects I'm experiencing with this new manufactured version of my seizure pill are like more extreme variations on the mental quirks I chose NOT to take pills for in the past. My anxiety has increased. My illogical panic has increased (various times I've semi-randomly woken up in the middle of the night, sweating, heart racing, brimming with terribly uncomfortable illogical thoughts, related to health and death - and then I have to stay up for an hour or so, so I'm not lying in bed with a pounding heart and weirdly throbbing bodily organs - and then when I do lie back down, I feel the need to keep a light on, in case the panic escalates again). I've also been feeling semi-randomly annoyed and somewhat angry more than usual. Things that usually bother me a little have been bothering me on a more irrational larger scale. So far, it hasn't reached the point where I feel like I can't handle this, but there's been several occasions where it's gotten close. I mean, I feel like I can handle this TEMPORARILY, but I sure don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life - alternating between feeling like I'm on some sort of irregular speed pill then anxiety then panic then not feeling like getting out of bed (probably because my sleep keeps getting interrupted by panic), then random annoyance about life.
On the definite plus side, I'm glad my strong emotions still exist, even though they're a little too extreme - and I'm glad I still care enough to express myself, even though sometimes I don't feel like it.
I've been on this new version of the pill now for almost (but not quite) a month and even though I really wish these side effects would have stopped by now, unless they get significantly worse, I'm planning to stick with the pill for close to another month, before I try another approach.
Because frankly, the only other approaches are to stop taking a seizure pill and be prone to having more seizures and damaging my body or snapping my neck - OR to try ANOTHER different manufacturers version of the pill and experiment with the side effects of THAT for a month or two. And what if the next one is even worse? What if it drains my energy? What if it tones down my real emotions and genuine passion? What if it causes me to feel like I don't really care about anything anymore? What if it makes me suicidal? At least this current batch, despite its unlikable side effects, isn't draining me into an unemotional zombie. I still feel like the real me, slightly extremified. I still have strong feelings; they're just exaggerated. My flaws and weaknesses are exaggerated. My neck feels weirder than usual. My boobs feel contorted and misshapen like they're blobbing themselves further to the side. I feel like nobody really cares. I feel like this is just the way it has to be, for no apparent reason.
And I'll bet the pharmaceutical industry doesn't really give a fuck about any of this. I'll bet the main reason I can no longer acquire the generic manufacturer's version of the pill my brain had gotten used to and that was working reasonably well for me for years is because that generic version was overtaken by cheaper generic versions. And as for the original name brand version, I'll bet the average person can't afford it, even with their work related health insurance, because sometimes health insurance just helps with the generic pills.
The medical industry seems to just sort of automatically expect us to take the pills we're prescribed, the pharmaceutical industry seems to sell the cheapest pills they can acquire/get away with, and both industries seem to be lacking in the department of bothering to realize or care very much about how many people don't have many affordable options. For financial reasons, some people have to skip pills or cut their prescribed dosage of pills in half. Luckily for me, my health insurance covers the bulk of my pill costs and I can afford the part it doesn't cover - but that's only if I take the generics, so my options are somewhat limited - but my options aren't anywhere near as challenging or limited as some people's. I have it better off than some people I know whose pills are so expensive that even if there health insurance covers parts of it, there out of pocket expenses are still more than a hundred bucks a month. I have it better off than people who can't afford ANY pills.
I'm on one fairly low dose pill that I take twice a day. What about people who are on multiple pills that they have to take multiple times a day? How are they able to handle the multiple costs/multiple pills, monetarily and mentally? How are they able to handle the way the pills interact with their brain combined with the way the pills interact with each other? Especially if they're sometimes given different manufacturer's versions of their pills with no advance notice. How is anyone just randomly expected to handle the side effects of generics that switch to different generics that switch to different generics?
In my experience, even generic pills with the same name that are made from different manufacturers, seem to have significantly different side effects. Heck, that's what most of this piece of writing is about. What I haven't mentioned yet is that one of the worst seizures I ever experienced happened less than a year after I had started taking my pill. I had gone to my pharmacy to pick up a refill, the bottle of pills they gave me had the same pill name as usual, but the pills looked different. Since they had the same pill name and since the pharmacy gave them to me without expressing anything different than usual, I just figured the color and shape of the pill had changed. But a few days into taking that pill, I was watching something on TV and suddenly started to see red flashing lights. My TV is near my screen door, near the back of my house, so at first I thought there was a cop car outside and I was seeing its red flashing lights from the screen door. Then I turned around and looked in the other direction and the red flashing lights were there too. It didn't matter where I looked, it didn't matter whether I looked up or down, it didn't matter whether my eyes were opened or closed, the red strobe lights were everywhere, flashing all over the place, and I couldn't see the details of anything. I thought I was dying. I thought I was having another stroke. I could see my cell phone, but I couldn't see any of the letters or numbers on it. I started to panic and I started to scream. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't see the fine print on my own cell phone because everything was infiltrated with red strobes. Then I just tried to press things on my phone, even though I couldn't see what I was pressing, and somehow I managed to connect with one of my sisters whose first name starts with an A.
It turned out I wasn't dying; I was just having a weird visual, pre-seizure side effect from a different manufacturer's version of my generic seizure pill that had just been automatically handed to me without the pharmacist saying a word about anything possibly being different.
I don't want to take this too much further, because even though I think I've expressed valid points, I also realize they're nothing new, at least not to most other people on pills - and also, I don't know what to do about it. But instead of just silently sucking shit up, I at least wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings and attempt to excavate some frustration out of my system (versus THE system), so it doesn't stay stuck in some panic alert in my brain.
For those of us who have a personal experience or semi-personal experience with prescribed pills that we're supposed to take on an ongoing basis for health reasons, whether mental health or otherwise (or for those of you who don't have such an experience at this point in your lives), one fact of the matter is that many of us who have been prescribed pills can only afford the randomly changing generics - and many members of the pharmaceutical industry and medical industry don't seem to think that's any big deal (because it's a deal that's overridden by monetary deals and it's just part of the system). This seems to indicate that in the larger scale of things, poor people deserve to suffer and die before rich people - and poor people with health conditions and/or mental disorders beyond their own control deserve to deal with more generic side effects galore.
Seven or eight years ago, when I unexpectedly started having seizures, I had less of a choice in the matter too, because it was either take a pill or have more seizures. I was initially very unhappy (borderline depressed) about it, because I had been an anti-pill person for years (again, primarily because of the pharmaceutical industry and pills being quickly and easily and casually over prescribed without much personal analysis of the brains they would be impacting), but the first few seizures I'd had involved suddenly passing out in a public place and peeing my pants and suddenly waking up in my own bed at home, feeling out-of-it, confused, and finding out that I had knocked down a bunch of stuff in my house with no recollection of how or when or why and I had banged the back of my head against something with enough severity that I had a welt and needed to go to the ER and get checked for a possible concussion. That's when I ended up being unexpectedly admitted to the hospital, undergoing various tests, and finding out that my brain was now prone to seizures. That's when I ended up having a seizure pill prescribed to me and feeling angry and out of control, because my choices seemed so limited and I don't remember them ever even being discussed with me. A certain pill was just automatically prescribed to me.
Despite serious initial unhappiness about the situation, I did what I needed to do, and started taking my suddenly prescribed seizure pills. The generic pill I was prescribed had significant side effects for a month or two, the worst ones being that it toned down my energy, toned down my passion, drained my emotions, and made me care less about things that were usually important to me. But thankfully, I acclimated myself to that pill within a few months and after that, for the most part, I had no major side effects for years.
Unfortunately, near the end of last year, the manufacturer's version of the generic seizure pill I'd been taking for years stopped being available at my pharmacy or any other pharmacy near me. My mom made a substantial effort to help me by researching other manufactured versions of my generic pill and we chose the one that appeared to have the least complaints from people who were using it. I began taking it shortly before the New Year.
I had one seizure within the first week of the New Year (which might be fairly common when someone switches from a pill with one set of fillers to a pill with another set of fillers). In addition to that, after years of being free from pill side effects, I'm experiencing side effects again and they're not very comfortable. I'll think I'm getting used to the pill and have a day or two of feeling close to normal, but then I'll have multiple days in a row that involve anxiety and/or panic and/or an entire day where I feel semi-randomly annoyed and angry.
It strikes me as uncomfortably ironic that some of the side effects I'm experiencing with this new manufactured version of my seizure pill are like more extreme variations on the mental quirks I chose NOT to take pills for in the past. My anxiety has increased. My illogical panic has increased (various times I've semi-randomly woken up in the middle of the night, sweating, heart racing, brimming with terribly uncomfortable illogical thoughts, related to health and death - and then I have to stay up for an hour or so, so I'm not lying in bed with a pounding heart and weirdly throbbing bodily organs - and then when I do lie back down, I feel the need to keep a light on, in case the panic escalates again). I've also been feeling semi-randomly annoyed and somewhat angry more than usual. Things that usually bother me a little have been bothering me on a more irrational larger scale. So far, it hasn't reached the point where I feel like I can't handle this, but there's been several occasions where it's gotten close. I mean, I feel like I can handle this TEMPORARILY, but I sure don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life - alternating between feeling like I'm on some sort of irregular speed pill then anxiety then panic then not feeling like getting out of bed (probably because my sleep keeps getting interrupted by panic), then random annoyance about life.
On the definite plus side, I'm glad my strong emotions still exist, even though they're a little too extreme - and I'm glad I still care enough to express myself, even though sometimes I don't feel like it.
I've been on this new version of the pill now for almost (but not quite) a month and even though I really wish these side effects would have stopped by now, unless they get significantly worse, I'm planning to stick with the pill for close to another month, before I try another approach.
Because frankly, the only other approaches are to stop taking a seizure pill and be prone to having more seizures and damaging my body or snapping my neck - OR to try ANOTHER different manufacturers version of the pill and experiment with the side effects of THAT for a month or two. And what if the next one is even worse? What if it drains my energy? What if it tones down my real emotions and genuine passion? What if it causes me to feel like I don't really care about anything anymore? What if it makes me suicidal? At least this current batch, despite its unlikable side effects, isn't draining me into an unemotional zombie. I still feel like the real me, slightly extremified. I still have strong feelings; they're just exaggerated. My flaws and weaknesses are exaggerated. My neck feels weirder than usual. My boobs feel contorted and misshapen like they're blobbing themselves further to the side. I feel like nobody really cares. I feel like this is just the way it has to be, for no apparent reason.
And I'll bet the pharmaceutical industry doesn't really give a fuck about any of this. I'll bet the main reason I can no longer acquire the generic manufacturer's version of the pill my brain had gotten used to and that was working reasonably well for me for years is because that generic version was overtaken by cheaper generic versions. And as for the original name brand version, I'll bet the average person can't afford it, even with their work related health insurance, because sometimes health insurance just helps with the generic pills.
The medical industry seems to just sort of automatically expect us to take the pills we're prescribed, the pharmaceutical industry seems to sell the cheapest pills they can acquire/get away with, and both industries seem to be lacking in the department of bothering to realize or care very much about how many people don't have many affordable options. For financial reasons, some people have to skip pills or cut their prescribed dosage of pills in half. Luckily for me, my health insurance covers the bulk of my pill costs and I can afford the part it doesn't cover - but that's only if I take the generics, so my options are somewhat limited - but my options aren't anywhere near as challenging or limited as some people's. I have it better off than some people I know whose pills are so expensive that even if there health insurance covers parts of it, there out of pocket expenses are still more than a hundred bucks a month. I have it better off than people who can't afford ANY pills.
I'm on one fairly low dose pill that I take twice a day. What about people who are on multiple pills that they have to take multiple times a day? How are they able to handle the multiple costs/multiple pills, monetarily and mentally? How are they able to handle the way the pills interact with their brain combined with the way the pills interact with each other? Especially if they're sometimes given different manufacturer's versions of their pills with no advance notice. How is anyone just randomly expected to handle the side effects of generics that switch to different generics that switch to different generics?
In my experience, even generic pills with the same name that are made from different manufacturers, seem to have significantly different side effects. Heck, that's what most of this piece of writing is about. What I haven't mentioned yet is that one of the worst seizures I ever experienced happened less than a year after I had started taking my pill. I had gone to my pharmacy to pick up a refill, the bottle of pills they gave me had the same pill name as usual, but the pills looked different. Since they had the same pill name and since the pharmacy gave them to me without expressing anything different than usual, I just figured the color and shape of the pill had changed. But a few days into taking that pill, I was watching something on TV and suddenly started to see red flashing lights. My TV is near my screen door, near the back of my house, so at first I thought there was a cop car outside and I was seeing its red flashing lights from the screen door. Then I turned around and looked in the other direction and the red flashing lights were there too. It didn't matter where I looked, it didn't matter whether I looked up or down, it didn't matter whether my eyes were opened or closed, the red strobe lights were everywhere, flashing all over the place, and I couldn't see the details of anything. I thought I was dying. I thought I was having another stroke. I could see my cell phone, but I couldn't see any of the letters or numbers on it. I started to panic and I started to scream. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't see the fine print on my own cell phone because everything was infiltrated with red strobes. Then I just tried to press things on my phone, even though I couldn't see what I was pressing, and somehow I managed to connect with one of my sisters whose first name starts with an A.
It turned out I wasn't dying; I was just having a weird visual, pre-seizure side effect from a different manufacturer's version of my generic seizure pill that had just been automatically handed to me without the pharmacist saying a word about anything possibly being different.
I don't want to take this too much further, because even though I think I've expressed valid points, I also realize they're nothing new, at least not to most other people on pills - and also, I don't know what to do about it. But instead of just silently sucking shit up, I at least wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings and attempt to excavate some frustration out of my system (versus THE system), so it doesn't stay stuck in some panic alert in my brain.
For those of us who have a personal experience or semi-personal experience with prescribed pills that we're supposed to take on an ongoing basis for health reasons, whether mental health or otherwise (or for those of you who don't have such an experience at this point in your lives), one fact of the matter is that many of us who have been prescribed pills can only afford the randomly changing generics - and many members of the pharmaceutical industry and medical industry don't seem to think that's any big deal (because it's a deal that's overridden by monetary deals and it's just part of the system). This seems to indicate that in the larger scale of things, poor people deserve to suffer and die before rich people - and poor people with health conditions and/or mental disorders beyond their own control deserve to deal with more generic side effects galore.
January 24, 2018
Two Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbooks have found a new home!
Two Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbooks found a new home, in New Zealand, with poet/writer/performer Andrea Quinlan (photo by Andrea Quinlan).
Acquire your own Blood Pudding Press goodies, HERE - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
Acquire your own Blood Pudding Press goodies, HERE - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress
NEW in Maudlin House - "Real Live Balloon Animals" by Juliet Cook and j/j hastain
"To find out how it feels to have tobelly dance your way into the back roomwhere the blood will drip down forever."
inside the poem "Real Live Balloon Animals" by me & j/j hastain, now up at Maudlin Housepartake of more HERE - https://maudlinhouse.net/real-live-balloon-animals/
inside the poem "Real Live Balloon Animals" by me & j/j hastain, now up at Maudlin Housepartake of more HERE - https://maudlinhouse.net/real-live-balloon-animals/
January 20, 2018
NEW in the Octopus Review - two poems by Juliet Cook surrounded by other poems and art
"They can choose to interpret themselves.They can interpret me their own way too, butthey can't tone me down or tidy me up.So what if I am the oppositeof their dream?"from my poem "Not a Member of Your Snake Handling Church Organ", appearing alongside other poems and art inside The Octopus Review #3Excited to be a small part of this Octopus.
HERE - https://theoctopusdiary.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-octopus-review-3-winter-2018.html
HERE - https://theoctopusdiary.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-octopus-review-3-winter-2018.html
January 15, 2018
semi-random little personal blog post about pills and the beginning of my 2018 and Tutti Fuckin Fruity
Felt and sounded negative much of last week, do to having a random back muscle strain followed by an unexpected seizure later that day, which was a real bummer, especially combined with the fact that I was starting to feel worried that maybe the new manufacturer's variation of my seizure pill wasn't working well for me.
Honest question. Why in the hell are pills prescribed for unintentional brain glitches, unintentional mental disorders, and unintentional heath issues derived from corporate entities and money based companies and the same generic brand name can be made with different fillers, Manufactured by a Pharmaceutical Company in China and Distributed by a Healthcare U.S. LLC brand, whatever that even means?
I mean, with the new manufacturer's version of the same low dose pill I've been on for years, I was too often feeling like I was on some damned pill, with these unnatural thoughts and feelings of ramped up edginess and nerviness and little bits of panic (on the brink of panic attacks) and a kind of energy that didn't feel like my natural kind of energy.
But I guess that's no big deal for one low dose pill to mess with someone's brain?
Heck, what about the many people who are on (more than) one higher dosed pill(s)?
Maybe the average person doesn't think it's a very big deal that the generic versions of pharma pills change their filler ingredients, which basically consists of suddenly putting your body and brain on a different pill with the same name?
I think maybe I'm someone whose body and brain doesn't naturally adapt well to pills anyway. I've hardly ever taken any pills, other than aspirin and ibuprofen for headaches and menstrual cramps, and the few times I've been prescribed a pill for a UTI or a sinus infection.
It seems like even low dose pills affect me too much. I remember one time, years ago, when I took some sort of sudafed pill for a sinus issue or a cold, and the next thing I knew, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think normally, my mind was racing, my heart was racing, it was like everything had been unnaturally, uncomfortably sped up, like I had popped some illicit illegal speed drug when all I had done was taken a sudafed pill that you don't even need a prescription for.
And now one week after starting this new variation on my seizure pill, I had a new seizure. The edgy, unnatural, uncomfortable feelings finally seem to be settling down and hopefully they will go away soon.
Fingers crossed towards hoping that I'm finally getting used to the pill a few weeks in, because I don't really have any other options, other than trying another different version, crossing my fingers again, and having another few uncomfortable mental/physical weeks to get acclimated and decide if I'm okay, while people who aren't on ANY pills are trying to convince me that I'm fine. Sometimes I feel like telling these people who aren't on any pills to take my pills twice a day before they feel free to offer me any personal assessment about the matter. I mean seriously you guys, how do you know how this feels? You can research it online, but it's not inside your own body and mind - yet parts of you still seem to feel as if your online assessment outweighs my own personal mental/physical experience?
I don't think it's anyone's personal fault if their brain can't easily acclimate itself to a new generic, semi-corporate pill in less than a week. Maybe I'm just stating/slightly explaining the obvious out loud.
As for my new Tutti Fuckin Fruity shirt, it was an Xmas gift from my main man.
Honest question. Why in the hell are pills prescribed for unintentional brain glitches, unintentional mental disorders, and unintentional heath issues derived from corporate entities and money based companies and the same generic brand name can be made with different fillers, Manufactured by a Pharmaceutical Company in China and Distributed by a Healthcare U.S. LLC brand, whatever that even means?
I mean, with the new manufacturer's version of the same low dose pill I've been on for years, I was too often feeling like I was on some damned pill, with these unnatural thoughts and feelings of ramped up edginess and nerviness and little bits of panic (on the brink of panic attacks) and a kind of energy that didn't feel like my natural kind of energy.
But I guess that's no big deal for one low dose pill to mess with someone's brain?
Heck, what about the many people who are on (more than) one higher dosed pill(s)?
Maybe the average person doesn't think it's a very big deal that the generic versions of pharma pills change their filler ingredients, which basically consists of suddenly putting your body and brain on a different pill with the same name?
I think maybe I'm someone whose body and brain doesn't naturally adapt well to pills anyway. I've hardly ever taken any pills, other than aspirin and ibuprofen for headaches and menstrual cramps, and the few times I've been prescribed a pill for a UTI or a sinus infection.
It seems like even low dose pills affect me too much. I remember one time, years ago, when I took some sort of sudafed pill for a sinus issue or a cold, and the next thing I knew, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think normally, my mind was racing, my heart was racing, it was like everything had been unnaturally, uncomfortably sped up, like I had popped some illicit illegal speed drug when all I had done was taken a sudafed pill that you don't even need a prescription for.
And now one week after starting this new variation on my seizure pill, I had a new seizure. The edgy, unnatural, uncomfortable feelings finally seem to be settling down and hopefully they will go away soon.
Fingers crossed towards hoping that I'm finally getting used to the pill a few weeks in, because I don't really have any other options, other than trying another different version, crossing my fingers again, and having another few uncomfortable mental/physical weeks to get acclimated and decide if I'm okay, while people who aren't on ANY pills are trying to convince me that I'm fine. Sometimes I feel like telling these people who aren't on any pills to take my pills twice a day before they feel free to offer me any personal assessment about the matter. I mean seriously you guys, how do you know how this feels? You can research it online, but it's not inside your own body and mind - yet parts of you still seem to feel as if your online assessment outweighs my own personal mental/physical experience?
I don't think it's anyone's personal fault if their brain can't easily acclimate itself to a new generic, semi-corporate pill in less than a week. Maybe I'm just stating/slightly explaining the obvious out loud.
As for my new Tutti Fuckin Fruity shirt, it was an Xmas gift from my main man.
January 9, 2018
TWO 2017 Chaps for a lower price - Cutting Eyes by Den Bleyker, Thirsty Bones by Lilius, Fuck Cancer Poems by Grover, Paloma by Hudgens
Set of TWO! – Get two 2017 Blood Pudding Press Poetry Chapbooks for a substantially reduced price!
Choose TWO among the following four:
-Cutting Eyes From Ghosts by Ariana D. Den Bleyker
-Thirsty Bones by Sarah Lilius
-Fuck Cancer Poems by Michael Grover
-Paloma by Jennifer E. Hudgens
Each of these four poetry chapbooks costs $7.00 individually; with this listing, you will pay $10.00 for two of them, saving $4.00.https://www.etsy.com/listing/569977587/two-2017-chaps-for-a-lower-price-cutting?ref=shop_home_active_7
*
Find out more about each of these chapbooks by perusing their individual item listings.
Cutting Eyes From Ghosts - https://www.etsy.com/listing/512469489/new-cutting-eyes-from-ghosts-by-ariana-d?ref=shop_home_feat_3
Thirsty Bones - https://www.etsy.com/listing/522735584/new-thirsty-bones-by-sarah-lilius-2017?ref=related-3
Fuck Cancer Poems - https://www.etsy.com/listing/560564955/new-fuck-cancer-poems-by-michael-grover?ref=listing-shop-header-1
Paloma - https://www.etsy.com/listing/562664430/new-paloma-by-jennifer-e-hudgens?ref=shop_home_active_1
They are indeed available separately, but buy two together and acquire double the powerful poetry for a special rate.
*
Please name the two chapbooks you would like within the Notes section of your purchase.
If you have color preferences, as described in the individual listings, feel free to leave a note about the colors you would like too.
*
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions/concerns.
Shipping is usually handled within 1-3 business days after your purchase.
Choose TWO among the following four:
-Cutting Eyes From Ghosts by Ariana D. Den Bleyker
-Thirsty Bones by Sarah Lilius
-Fuck Cancer Poems by Michael Grover
-Paloma by Jennifer E. Hudgens
Each of these four poetry chapbooks costs $7.00 individually; with this listing, you will pay $10.00 for two of them, saving $4.00.https://www.etsy.com/listing/569977587/two-2017-chaps-for-a-lower-price-cutting?ref=shop_home_active_7
*
Find out more about each of these chapbooks by perusing their individual item listings.
Cutting Eyes From Ghosts - https://www.etsy.com/listing/512469489/new-cutting-eyes-from-ghosts-by-ariana-d?ref=shop_home_feat_3
Thirsty Bones - https://www.etsy.com/listing/522735584/new-thirsty-bones-by-sarah-lilius-2017?ref=related-3
Fuck Cancer Poems - https://www.etsy.com/listing/560564955/new-fuck-cancer-poems-by-michael-grover?ref=listing-shop-header-1
Paloma - https://www.etsy.com/listing/562664430/new-paloma-by-jennifer-e-hudgens?ref=shop_home_active_1
They are indeed available separately, but buy two together and acquire double the powerful poetry for a special rate.
*
Please name the two chapbooks you would like within the Notes section of your purchase.
If you have color preferences, as described in the individual listings, feel free to leave a note about the colors you would like too.
*
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions/concerns.
Shipping is usually handled within 1-3 business days after your purchase.
January 8, 2018
NEW! Paloma Reviewed at Rag Queen Periodical
"If grief is another country, Jennifer Hudgen’s poems navigate that terrain like a native. Her chapbook from the ever amazing Blood Pudding Press, is a carnivalesque romp through loss using the often sharp edges of memory, keen insight and a healthy dose of rage at what is snatched from us without warning.These 14 prose poems, unevenly spaced, startle with their pyrotechnic wordplay, as they call up the author’s memories and reminiscences, jumping in with both feet, explicit yet honest, full of blind rage at times, yet so tender and so evocative throughout that what she grieves, grieves the reader, too."from a new review by Michelle Reale at Rag Queen Periodical, of the new Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbook, "Paloma" by Jennifer E. Hudgensread more HERE - https://www.ragqueenperiodical.com/single-post/2018/01/08/Keep-Insight-a-Healthy-Dose-of-Rage-A-Review-of-Paloma-by-Jennifer-E-Hudgensacquire your own copy of "Paloma" HERE - https://www.etsy.com/listing/562664430/new-paloma-by-jennifer-e-hudgens?ref=shop_home_active_1
