Juliet Cook's Blog, page 85
April 10, 2018
Juliet created by Mish Murphy
One excitingly wonderful thing about having poetry/artist friends is that they can unexpectedly turn a photo of you into art. This is a picture Mish Murphy created based on a photo of me. Thank you very much to Mish Murphy.
April 5, 2018
is my embarrassment a brain glitch?
One thing that bothers me about myself is that I too frequently feel embarrassed about things that aren't even worthy of embarrassment. Like it's not uncommon for me to wake up feeling embarrassed by something I posted on my own facebook page the night before - and so I figure there must be a valid reason I woke up feeling embarrassed about it - but then when I read it, more often than not, it was just me expressing my own thoughts/feelings about something. So am I embarrassed by my own genuine thoughts/feelings? Am I embarrassed about semi-publicly expressing myself? Am I worried what other people might think? Or what?
I think I have a conflicted brain, because the genuine part of me is drawn towards expressing myself genuinely, regardless of what other people do or don't think. I've been like that for years. I'm pretty open to honestly expressing how I feel about things, but then I also question the validity and depth of the way I feel about things, even though they're my own feelings, so why am I questioning their validity. It's not like I'm stating my feelings as hardcore facts or something.
So for this morning's example, I woke up feeling embarrassed more than three hours before my alarm was set. I felt embarrassed that I had posted links to several old songs by This Mortal Coil (even though I liked the songs and that's why I posted them) and I felt embarrassed about this long-ish personal commentary that I placed above one of the songs. I felt embarrassed that I backtracked to 20+ years ago and I felt embarrassed about the age I am now. None of this embarrassment really makes sense. The worst thing I did was over-share my own thoughts and it's not as if anyone is being forced to read them, so what's the big deal? I'm tired of my brain waking up feeling embarrassed by me being an expressive individual.
Maybe this is part of the reason why I'm a writer. It feels important for me to openly, creatively express myself, but I'd rather do it on paper (or on the screen) rather than expressing myself in person and feeling semi-randomly embarrassed the next day. But even though my predominant form of creative expression is poetry and I enjoy writing poems and having them selected for publication, I often feel edgy and awkward and borderline embarrassed about being part of a public poetry reading, because then I have to read my words in front of people in person, which sometimes feels too presumptuous or assumptive, even though it's not.
Back to waking up hours before I was supposed to and feeling embarrassed about what I had posted on my own facebook page, I also had a headache when I woke up, so I didn't have the energy to re-read what I had written, in order to determine if it was truly worthy of embarrassment. I didn't delete my posts; I just changed their "Shared" status to where only I could see them. Am I turning into someone who only likes talking to myself? Well...no, because if that was the case then why would I be writing this and why would I take the time to submit my poems instead of just piling them up in boxes in my house? I don't like hiding things. I like sharing. Even if I feel semi-randomly embarrassed by parts of what I share. Sigh.
***
I'm now adding one of my embarrassing feeling posts from yesterday because once I re-read it today, it really wasn't all that embarrassing - and even if it is, it's the way I sometimes feel anyway.
"Sometimes when your mind backtracks into your past, it feels weird thinking that your own interpretation of your past self might only exist in your own eyes and mind and not in anyone else's (except for their own interpretations, which might be significantly different from your own).I'll bet I remember things about others that they don't remember about me - and I'll bet others remember things about me that I don't remember - maybe nobody remembers anything the same.Significant others in my present that are still connected with their past in parts of present life, I wonder if they can imagine how it feels to mostly only be connected with your past significant others in dreams and your own minds (possibly convoluted) memories, because you don't have personal present contact with most of the individuals you used to be significantly involved with.Maybe it's like that for a lot of people. I don't know. I mostly just know what it's like for me and what other people choose to share with me, from their interpretations."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjywQOuzeSY
I think I have a conflicted brain, because the genuine part of me is drawn towards expressing myself genuinely, regardless of what other people do or don't think. I've been like that for years. I'm pretty open to honestly expressing how I feel about things, but then I also question the validity and depth of the way I feel about things, even though they're my own feelings, so why am I questioning their validity. It's not like I'm stating my feelings as hardcore facts or something.
So for this morning's example, I woke up feeling embarrassed more than three hours before my alarm was set. I felt embarrassed that I had posted links to several old songs by This Mortal Coil (even though I liked the songs and that's why I posted them) and I felt embarrassed about this long-ish personal commentary that I placed above one of the songs. I felt embarrassed that I backtracked to 20+ years ago and I felt embarrassed about the age I am now. None of this embarrassment really makes sense. The worst thing I did was over-share my own thoughts and it's not as if anyone is being forced to read them, so what's the big deal? I'm tired of my brain waking up feeling embarrassed by me being an expressive individual.
Maybe this is part of the reason why I'm a writer. It feels important for me to openly, creatively express myself, but I'd rather do it on paper (or on the screen) rather than expressing myself in person and feeling semi-randomly embarrassed the next day. But even though my predominant form of creative expression is poetry and I enjoy writing poems and having them selected for publication, I often feel edgy and awkward and borderline embarrassed about being part of a public poetry reading, because then I have to read my words in front of people in person, which sometimes feels too presumptuous or assumptive, even though it's not.
Back to waking up hours before I was supposed to and feeling embarrassed about what I had posted on my own facebook page, I also had a headache when I woke up, so I didn't have the energy to re-read what I had written, in order to determine if it was truly worthy of embarrassment. I didn't delete my posts; I just changed their "Shared" status to where only I could see them. Am I turning into someone who only likes talking to myself? Well...no, because if that was the case then why would I be writing this and why would I take the time to submit my poems instead of just piling them up in boxes in my house? I don't like hiding things. I like sharing. Even if I feel semi-randomly embarrassed by parts of what I share. Sigh.
***
I'm now adding one of my embarrassing feeling posts from yesterday because once I re-read it today, it really wasn't all that embarrassing - and even if it is, it's the way I sometimes feel anyway.
"Sometimes when your mind backtracks into your past, it feels weird thinking that your own interpretation of your past self might only exist in your own eyes and mind and not in anyone else's (except for their own interpretations, which might be significantly different from your own).I'll bet I remember things about others that they don't remember about me - and I'll bet others remember things about me that I don't remember - maybe nobody remembers anything the same.Significant others in my present that are still connected with their past in parts of present life, I wonder if they can imagine how it feels to mostly only be connected with your past significant others in dreams and your own minds (possibly convoluted) memories, because you don't have personal present contact with most of the individuals you used to be significantly involved with.Maybe it's like that for a lot of people. I don't know. I mostly just know what it's like for me and what other people choose to share with me, from their interpretations."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjywQOuzeSY
April 4, 2018
April 1, 2018
NEW in Moon Cycle Magazine - my poem "Dropping Point"
My poem "Dropping Point" now appears in the Pink Moon issue of Moon Cycle Magazine, HERE - https://www.mooncyclemag.com/2018/03/30/pink-moon/
March 31, 2018
The New March flock of Thirteen Myna Birds!
The NEW March flock of Thirteen Myna Birds is HERE - https://13myna.blogspot.com/
Poetry/art by Michael Grover, Nanette Rayman, Stephen Mead, Mish, Valerie Loveland, Gabriel Ricard, Ivan Peledov, and Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois.
"By moonlight the tarantulas’ bodies would spell out words - What will forges such purple twists - angels wings over x rays - The monster inside me got surgery to remove the monster inside her -Her stinking dandelion-cussed, blood-sopped Snot-bedaubed self - Her white and blue halter top falling saggy ripped to her gut - from one end of hell to the backwards interpretation - One girl raised the dead - found in the dusty heart of a dead coyote - Your melting pot is a pressure cooker - My leg is a barn and the horse who lives inside has broken his leg - Full of meaningless words and Invented histories of gnarled trees - I write under the moon Trying to outlast the slow drowning..."
Poetry/art by Michael Grover, Nanette Rayman, Stephen Mead, Mish, Valerie Loveland, Gabriel Ricard, Ivan Peledov, and Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois.
"By moonlight the tarantulas’ bodies would spell out words - What will forges such purple twists - angels wings over x rays - The monster inside me got surgery to remove the monster inside her -Her stinking dandelion-cussed, blood-sopped Snot-bedaubed self - Her white and blue halter top falling saggy ripped to her gut - from one end of hell to the backwards interpretation - One girl raised the dead - found in the dusty heart of a dead coyote - Your melting pot is a pressure cooker - My leg is a barn and the horse who lives inside has broken his leg - Full of meaningless words and Invented histories of gnarled trees - I write under the moon Trying to outlast the slow drowning..."
March 28, 2018
Juliet Cook's Upcoming Poetry Events
I haven't been feeling very self-promotional lately, but I thought I should at least compile a small list of upcoming poetry events I'll be a part of this year.
More may be added later; we shall see.
Also, I've been working on a long-ish poem focused on being 45 (past and present intertwined) - and hopefully, I'll manage to finish it and decide what to do with it while I'm still 45. We shall see about that too.
***
Juliet Cook's Upcoming Poetry Events
~April 2018 - Poets 2018 for Read + Write: 30 Days of Poetry - National Poetry Month website for April at the Cuyahoga County Public Library - starting April 1st, a new poem will appear on this site every day (a poem of mine will appear on Saturday April 28)
(The page it all happens on: http://www.cuyahogalibrary.org/Services/William-N-Skirball-Writers-Center/Read-Write-30-Days-of-Poetry/April-Poetry-Coming-Soon.aspx
To sign up for emails: http://bit.ly/2BKjP9W)
*
~Saturday April 21 - Kleft Crisis 2018 - at Mac's Backs-Books in Coventry - 7-10 PM
(1820 Coventry Rd, Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118)This poetry reading is part of a Kleft Jaw Press and Crisis Chronicles Press event, the weekend of April 20 and 21)
See more information here - https://www.facebook.com/events/2457443937814733/
*
~Friday April 27 - Nervous Dog Akron Poetry Night - at Nervous Dog Coffee Bar - 6-9 PM
(1530 W. Market St., Akron, OH. 44313)
This is a poetry/art/music event with 8 features, hosted by Michael DeBenedictis - and I will be one of the poets.
(link coming soon)
*
~Saturday May 5 - Columbus State Community College Writer’s Conference - 10 AM - 4 PM(Columbus State Community College, 550 East Spring St., Columbus, OH. 43215 at the Workforce Development Center, 315 Cleveland Avenue)
Me and my Blood Pudding Press will have a table at the Book Fair
*
~Wednesday June 6th - Coast Line Poetry Reading Series at Lakewood Public Library - 7:00 PM
(15425 Detroit Avenue, Lakewood, Ohio 44107)
I'll be one of three featured readers
*
~Tuesday October 16 - Art on Madison, Poetry Plus monthly reading series - 7:00 PM
(13703 Madison, Lakewood, Ohio 44107)
Featuring the release of my poetry book, Malformed Confetti, from Crisis Chronicles Press. This will be my last poetry reading event at the age of 45, since it’s one day before my birthday.
See more information here - https://poetrypluscleveland.weebly.com/calendar.html
More may be added later; we shall see.
Also, I've been working on a long-ish poem focused on being 45 (past and present intertwined) - and hopefully, I'll manage to finish it and decide what to do with it while I'm still 45. We shall see about that too.
***
Juliet Cook's Upcoming Poetry Events
~April 2018 - Poets 2018 for Read + Write: 30 Days of Poetry - National Poetry Month website for April at the Cuyahoga County Public Library - starting April 1st, a new poem will appear on this site every day (a poem of mine will appear on Saturday April 28)
(The page it all happens on: http://www.cuyahogalibrary.org/Services/William-N-Skirball-Writers-Center/Read-Write-30-Days-of-Poetry/April-Poetry-Coming-Soon.aspx
To sign up for emails: http://bit.ly/2BKjP9W)
*
~Saturday April 21 - Kleft Crisis 2018 - at Mac's Backs-Books in Coventry - 7-10 PM
(1820 Coventry Rd, Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118)This poetry reading is part of a Kleft Jaw Press and Crisis Chronicles Press event, the weekend of April 20 and 21)
See more information here - https://www.facebook.com/events/2457443937814733/
*
~Friday April 27 - Nervous Dog Akron Poetry Night - at Nervous Dog Coffee Bar - 6-9 PM
(1530 W. Market St., Akron, OH. 44313)
This is a poetry/art/music event with 8 features, hosted by Michael DeBenedictis - and I will be one of the poets.
(link coming soon)
*
~Saturday May 5 - Columbus State Community College Writer’s Conference - 10 AM - 4 PM(Columbus State Community College, 550 East Spring St., Columbus, OH. 43215 at the Workforce Development Center, 315 Cleveland Avenue)
Me and my Blood Pudding Press will have a table at the Book Fair
*
~Wednesday June 6th - Coast Line Poetry Reading Series at Lakewood Public Library - 7:00 PM
(15425 Detroit Avenue, Lakewood, Ohio 44107)
I'll be one of three featured readers
*
~Tuesday October 16 - Art on Madison, Poetry Plus monthly reading series - 7:00 PM
(13703 Madison, Lakewood, Ohio 44107)
Featuring the release of my poetry book, Malformed Confetti, from Crisis Chronicles Press. This will be my last poetry reading event at the age of 45, since it’s one day before my birthday.
See more information here - https://poetrypluscleveland.weebly.com/calendar.html
March 10, 2018
NEW in Winedrunk Sidewalk! - my poem, "Flowers are Worth More than Females"
"Blood orange drips down
your throat until you gag
in these dream scenes that turn you
into another unworthy nightmare
body culminating in nothing
but scissors and long hair
and extreme power outage."
from my poem "Flowers are Worth More than Females", which appears in WINEDRUNK SIDEWALK: SHIPWRECKED IN TRUMPLAND today
HERE - http://winedrunksidewalk.blogspot.com/2018/03/day-four-hundred-and-fifteen.html
your throat until you gag
in these dream scenes that turn you
into another unworthy nightmare
body culminating in nothing
but scissors and long hair
and extreme power outage."
from my poem "Flowers are Worth More than Females", which appears in WINEDRUNK SIDEWALK: SHIPWRECKED IN TRUMPLAND today
HERE - http://winedrunksidewalk.blogspot.com/2018/03/day-four-hundred-and-fifteen.html
March 8, 2018
I like how the branches are all shifting to the sides
Straight up annoys me
