Meryl Ain's Blog, page 5

On 9/11 Remember and Celebrate Lives of Victims With Community Service

This Sunday, September 11th,  marks the 15th Anniversary of the day that 3,000 innocent souls lost their lives in an unspeakable, horrific conflagration that was witnessed by millions on live TV. On Sunday, all New York television stations have canceled their regular programming to remember and replay the recorded events of that day.

This year as it does every year one network – MSNBC — will devote 3 ½ hours to the “unedited, uninterrupted, untouched live footage of NBC’s Today Show coverage of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001,” an article in Slate Magazine reminds us. The piece by Jeremy Samuel Faust goes on to explain the negative, and sometimes traumatic impact of the reliving of this disaster, and argues for other ways to commemorate the tragedy.

There is another way. Instead of simply reliving that infamous day and grieving, I believe the 9/11 families and their support groups have struck the right note by asking us to channel our grief into doing something constructive that day. They have established the September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance. Since 2002, this charitable service day – which was established into law in 2009 — has served as a proactive, constructive and meaningful way to honor and remember the lives of those lost. In addition, it helps rekindle the spirit of unity and compassion that embraced the U.S. in the wake of 9/11.

As a result of their efforts, the September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance was established into law by the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act in 2009.

Throughout the country, volunteers of all ages and backgrounds are expected to join together in a variety of service activities, including helping the needy, collecting food and clothing, signing up as mentors, reading to children, volunteering at homeless shelters and hospitals, etc. Service projects that support veterans and military families or that tap the skills and leadership abilities of veterans are especially encouraged. Also encouraged are projects that help communities become better prepared for disaster and emergency situations.

We need to emphasize and celebrate the values, passions, memories and legacies of those we have lost rather than constantly rewinding how they were taken from us. That is exactly what Liz and Steve Alderman did after their 25-year-old son Peter was killed on 9/11 at the World Trade Center. They established the Peter C. Alderman Foundation to honor Peter’s memory by helping other victims of torture terrorism. The foundation trains doctors and establishes mental health clinics on four continents to treat victims of PTSD. It has proven so effective, that President Barack Obama honored the Aldermans for their work.

“There was nothing we could do for Peter,” Liz Alderman told us in our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last, “but if we could return the survivors of terrorism to life, then that would be the perfect memorial because Peter so loved life.”

Peter Alderman

After Maj. Stuart Adam Wolfer was killed in Iraq, his family was also determined to keep his memory alive. His parents, Len and Esther, and his sister, Beverly Nerenberg-Wolfer, created the Major Stuart Adam Wolfer Institute (MSAWI), which they also discussed in our book. It supports U.S. troops by increasing public awareness of the sacrifices made by those in the military.

“When we receive letters from solders detailing the impact a care package made on them, we know that Stuart would be proud,” they told us. “Having MSAWI allows us a positive outlet for expressing our grief, for remembering and honoring Stuart and for helping others….”

There is no timetable for grief, no rules for grieving, and surely everyone is entitled to grieve in his or her own way, especially those who lost loved ones on 9/11. But celebrating memories can be comforting and healing. The September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance enables all of us to honor the lives and legacies of those who were lost on that terrible day — with caring, kindness, commitment — and action.

Visit Volunteer and Serve and find numerous ways to give back to your community.

This article appeared on Huffington Post on September 9, 2016. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/57d31803e4b0eb9a57b7a838?timestamp=147345285430

Meryl Ain, Ed.D., The Comfort Coach, inspires people to transcend their losses by keeping alive the memories, passions, values and legacies of those they have lost. She helps to promote healing by providing professionals, organizations, and individuals with the tools to foster optimistic thinking, positive projects, and resilience. A former teacher and school administrator, her articles have appeared in The Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, The New York Jewish Week, The New York Times, and Newsday. Her new book, My Living Memories Project Journal, will be released later this month. She is the coauthor of The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last.

Please visit and like The Living Memories Project Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/LivingMemoriesProject

Follow The Living Memories Project on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LivMemoriesProj

 

Aldermans at launching of a PCAF Clinic

 

 

The Orlando Shooting: How to Comfort Kids

Orlando — formerly known as a magical, fun venue — has now been added to a growing list of places where unspeakable horrors have been perpetuated. As we imbibe the 24/7 media coverage, we are horrified and outraged at a despicable and depraved act that has caused unspeakable suffering, pain and grief. As adults, we search for ways to console and heal the afflicted at the same time that we look for ways to make our communities and our country safer and more secure.  But how  do we — who are stunned and shaken ourselves —  comfort, reassure and empower our children in a confusing and frightening world?

Following the Paris terror attacks, a Le Petit Journal video of a French father and his 6-year-old son went viral. In response to his son’s fears, the father reassures him that they will not have to leave France, and points out that people have placed flowers and candles in memory of those who were killed. This seems to provide some consolation to the child.

Another approach is suggested by Fred Rogers, a great source of wisdom for parents and children. Mr. Rogers offers us a starting point for providing solace to frightened children.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

This is great advice for children as well as adults. It is comforting to know how quickly and competently the San Bernardino police responded, and how they likely reduced the number of casualties by their actions. It is important for children to understand that there will always be people – no matter what the tragedy or trauma — who will care for them.

Here are 10 ways for helping kids through these scary times.

1. Listen to your children very carefully and acknowledge their fears. Let your kids talk about their feelings as much or as little as they want to. Respect and honor their feelings. Answer their questions honestly.

2. Model calm behavior for your children. If you are upset and agitated, your children will reflect your attitude.

3. Monitor TV coverage, as well as newspaper, radio, and digital images and reports. Even if children have not personally experienced a catastrophe, watching it on the news can traumatize them.

4. A child’s age will determine what he/she can understand and process.There’s no “one size fits all.” Be age-appropriate.

5. Find out what is being discussed in school and among your child’s friends.

6. Don’t allow the tragedy to become the all-consuming topic in your household. Children hear everything. Understand that conversations between adults can frighten children as much as the news.

7. Offer positive input. Stress the courage and bravery of the heroes and the helpers. Explain that it is highly unlikely that your child will ever be in a similar situation. For example, “There is a one in four million chance that this will happen here. But if something bad does happen, there are always people who will help, protect and care for you.”

8. Share stories of cooperation, resilience, and hope.

9. Engage in family activities and rituals that are comforting, anxiety reducing, and enjoyable.

10. Suggest ways that your children can help victims.

Meryl Ain, Ed.D., The Comfort Coach, inspires people to transcend their losses by keeping  alive the memories, passions, values and legacies of those they have lost. She helps to promote healing by providing professionals, organizations, and individuals with the tools to foster optimistic thinking, positive projects, and resilience. A former teacher and school administrator, her articles have appeared in The Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, The New York Jewish Week, The New York Times, and Newsday.

Please visit and like The Living Memories Project Facebook page : https://www.facebook.com/LivingMemoriesProject

Follow The Living Memories Project on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LivMemoriesProj

 

 

It’s Scholarship Season — Honoring Graduates and Keeping Memories Alive

2016 Recipients of the Herbert J. Fischman Memorial Scholarship

“…And if you are able to take that positive energy….and move it toward something that they would be proud to be associated with, then do it. Take that positive energy and create….one scholarship….in your high school named for the person you loved so much….So do something to remember them positively in the world because you have to know, whatever your beliefs are, that they are resting much easier because you did that.” — Nick Clooney, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last

It’s scholarship season and once again, I had the privilege of presenting scholarships in memory of my father to two very special, deserving graduates at Brentwood High School.

My father worked in Brentwood for 25 years, first as a teacher and then as an elementary school principal. He was a caring principal, who took a personal interest in his students and staff. He exemplified the values of excellence, hard work, and kindness. My dad worked his way through college, served in the military during World War II, and tried a career in business before he came to Brentwood.

He knew that education was the key to success — his own, my brother’s and mine, and his children in Brentwood. That is why he would be so pleased to honor these two outstanding students with scholarships in his name.

I am in awe of the challenges these young people have overcome, what they have achieved, and what they hope to accomplish. I am so grateful for the opportunity to present these scholarships in living and loving memory of my father.

If you want to be inspired, healed and energized by creating a scholarship or another project to help keep the memory of a loved one  alive, check out our book,  The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last. 

Click here to read my original Huffington Post blog about the value of honoring the memory of a special person with a scholarship.

 

 

The Empty Seat at the Seder Table: Keeping the Memories of Loved Ones Alive

Passover is a  celebration of remembrance and renewal.  Jews gather with family and friends at seders to recall their ancestors’ redemption from slavery to freedom. It is a holiday that is rich with family traditions, rituals, and special foods. While it can be a challenge to those who have lost loved ones, it presents special opportunities to lovingly remember those who are no longer here. It is actually the perfect time for those who have had losses to draw upon the healing power of living and loving memories. Here’s an article that I wrote about this topic: The Empty Seat at the Seder Table: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive.

As a little girl, my mother took me to see Marjorie Morningstar, a movie about a Jewish girl, played by Natalie Wood, who wants to follow an unconventional path in the late 1950s. When Marjorie’s Uncle Samson, played by Ed Wynn, died suddenly of a heart attack at the summer camp at which Marjorie was working, I was shocked and upset.

When Marjorie’s family gathered for a Passover seder the following spring, there was a pillow in an empty seat at the table that was left as a memorial to Uncle Samson. I remember crying hysterically at the symbolism. It’s probably no wonder that years later when I asked my mother whether we should have an empty chair for my father, who had died days before Passover, she responded with a resounding, “Oh, NO!”

I’m not a big fan of the empty seat either, but now that I’ve lost both of my parents, and most of my other relatives who were also members of the Greatest Generation, my mission has become to keep alive the memories of my loved ones. For example, ever since my mother died nine years ago, we get all the adults and children at our seder table to try to recite “Who Knows One?” in one breath. My mother was the master of this family custom and each year we all try, but lovingly acknowledge that no one can do it as well as she did.

In loving memory of my mother, we also pass around a dark chocolate seder plate at the beginning of the seder. My mother loved chocolate and we tell our grandchildren — most of whom were born after she died — that we are remembering her as we taste the chocolate. We also point out that one of the ways this night is different from all other nights is that we are starting with dessert!

To read the entire article in The Huffington Post, click this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meryl-ain-edd/the-empty-seat-at-the-sed_b_9700826.html

 

 

 

 

SYJCC to Present Bereavement Programs Based on The Living Memories Project

 

We are pleased to announce that the Suffolk Y JCC in Commack, NY will be the first organization to present bereavement programs based on our award-winning book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last. The JCC will offer an eight-session program, The Power of Healing Through Creative Expression, beginning on March 23, that will help participants cope with loss by honoring the memory of loved ones through tangible tributes, such as writing, painting, sculpture, and scrapbooking.

The Living Memories Project details, through interviews, anecdotes, essays, poems and photographs, the many ways that both ordinary individuals and celebrities incorporate the presence of their loved ones into their lives. Some who have shared their stories describe encounters or occurrences in which they strongly felt the loved one’s presence, while others have drawn upon rituals or recipes or created a tangible memorial.  Our book was awarded a Silver Medal in the 2014 Living Now Book Awards. 

Registration in the program will include a copy of the book, which will be used as inspiration and motivation for the participants’ own projects. The program will run through June 29. For further information, contact Eileen Schneyman at (631) 462-9800 x 150 or ebs427@jcaa.org.

The Suffolk Y JCC will also host a conference based on The Living Memories Project later this year.

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS WHEN YOU’VE HAD A LOSS

It’s the holiday season and everyone appears to be merry — except for everybody else who is missing a loved one! The holidays are the most difficult time of year for those who have sustained a loss. Last year, I wrote about the death of Susan, my sister-in-law and friend. She died a few days before Thanksgiving and her loss resonated throughout the holiday season and beyond. Click here to read Holiday Grief: Missing Susan and Keeping Her Memory Alive: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meryl-ain-edd/holiday-grief-losing-susa_b_6348378.html

Our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last, was motivated by the loss of my mother and the quest to find out how to transform grief into significant action and meaningful memories. The 32 people we interviewed for the book taught us numerous ways to keep memories alive in ways big and small. From recipes, memory books and memory quilts to films, foundations, and scholarships, our book gives specific ways to honor the memory of a loved one. We are pleased that our readers tell us that they have found it comforting and healing. We are honored that The Living Memories Project won a Silver Medal in the Category of Grief in the 2014 Living Now Book Awards. Please consider our book as a holiday gift for your friends and family members who have sustained a loss.

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Memories-Project-Legacies-That/dp/0988255375/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394317575&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Living+Memories+Project

At this time of year, we want to thank all of our friends and readers for your interest and support. Stay tuned for news of our next book, which will be published in 2016 and will carry forth our mission of helping people to transform grief into positive action and living legacies.

May you always find comfort in living and loving memories and may the memory of your loved ones forever be a blessing.

Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy 2016!

Here are some tips for getting through the holidays:

Make an album or collage of your loved one, especially with family and friends enjoying happy times.
Prepare a dish that was a favorite of your loved one and share food memories.
Watch videos of special events and uplifting moments involving your loved one.
Share a favorite anecdote or story about the person who is gone.
Watch their favorite holiday movies and sing their favorite songs.
Give your loved one’s clothing to the needy.
Donate to a charity in memory of your loved one.
Light a candle.

And if you’re just not feeling the holiday spirit, try these:

If you feel lonely, help those who are less fortunate. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, hospital, or nursing home, etc.
If it’s just too difficult and painful to celebrate in the customary way this year, make a new tradition, e.g., going on vacation, going to the movies, and changing the venue.
Instead of sending your usual cards, send cards or care packages to those in the military and thank them for their service.
It’s always a good idea to seek out counseling, or a support or bereavement group.

Desperately Needed Today: The Legacy of Courage

President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 1961-1963. Portrait distributed by the White House. John Fitzgerald Kennedy Library, Boston.

As Americans watch the horrific events unfold in Paris and around the world, it is understandable that fear and frustration are on the rise. I wrote the blog below on the 50th anniversary of President Kennedy’s assassination. It is about his landmark book, Profiles in Courage, and the great need for a renewal of courage and integrity in our political life. As we observe the 52nd anniversary of his assassination, let us remember his important legacy.

I share it with you again two years later — in these frightening times — in the hope that our political leaders will once again find the strength to act with courage, conscience, and conviction. This is a plea to all elected officials — Democrats and Republicans — to put away the partisanship and vitriol, and to work together on strategies to keep our country safe.

Click here to read the original piece in Huffington Post

 

 

The Meaning of Living and Loving Memories

We are often asked what our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last is about and who would benefit from reading it. Since it first was published about a year-and-a-half ago, we’ve received very positive feedback.

We wrote the book to work through our own losses and our hope was to provide comfort and inspiration to others who are missing a loved one. We’ve been gratified that our readers have told us that the book has helped them as well. Some have found inspiration at the beginning of their mourning process while others have noted that it motivated them to do something tangible to honor the legacy of a loved one who had passed many years ago. Still others have found the encouragement to interview elderly loved ones about their lives and values so that they might better be able to preserve their memory in the future.

We have been interviewed on television, radio, and the Internet. We have spoken and conducted programs for diverse groups in different venues. We are honored that our book has found particular resonance with bereavement groups and that it has become recommended reading as a pathway to healing. We have begun to partner with various hospices and community organizations that provide grief counseling.

Our book has been given as a gift to those in mourning and also to those who are observing the birthday of a loved one or the anniversary of a death. The Living Memories Project has been featured in gift baskets for those in mourning, along with food products or photo albums, journals, candles and picture frames.

Researching and writing the book was cathartic and therapeutic for us, and we are delighted that it continues to offer consolation, courage and hope to those who have sustained a loss. The Living Memories Project is optimistic and upbeat.

Here is the link to Amazon if you’d like to buy a copy of the book for a friend, relative, neighbor or yourself:

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Memories-Project-Legacies-That/dp/0988255375/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394317575&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Living+Memories+Project

In addition, here are some of the positive write-ups our book has received. We look forward to hearing from you and hope that you will always find comfort and inspiration in living and loving memories.

http://www.danspapers.com/2014/07/by-the-book-living-memories-project-legacies-that-last/

http://www.create-with-joy.com/2014/05/the-living-memories-project-legacies-that-last.html

http://nabbw.com/reviews/book-reviews/the-living-memories-project-legacies-that-last/

http://www.shiva.com/living-memories-project/

http://www.shewrites.com/profiles/blogs/book-excerpt-the-living-memories-project-legacies-that-last

http://www.actingbalanced.com/2014/06/guest-book-review-living-memories.html

Missing Our Dads and Grandpas on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a day to celebrate our fathers and grandfathers. But what if your dad and/or grandpa(s) are no longer with you? It still can be an occasion to fondly recall happy times together and celebrate what made these men so special.

In our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last, 32 individuals tell how they keep alive the memories, values, passions, and legacies of their loved ones. For example, singer/songwriter Jen Chapin (daughter of the late folk rock icon Harry Chapin), who lost her father when she was 10, carries on his legacy of music and feeding the hungry.

Jen and Harry Chapin

Jen’s recordings have been described as “soulfully poetic,” “politically aware,” and “brilliant.” She has served as chair of the board of directors of WhyHunger and also supports Long Island Cares, an organization Harry founded.

Dr. Yeou-Cheng Ma (a physician who is the sister of Yo-Yo Ma), keeps the memory of her father and music teacher alive through The Children’s Orchestra Society, which he founded and she and her husband have continued.

Janine Lavery, an elementary school principal, lost her father when her daughters were very young. She made a memory book for them so her daughters could visualize and cherish happy times with their grandfather.

TV Personality Nick Clooney told us that his grandfather’s value of social justice not only influenced him and his sisters — singers Rosemary and Betty — but lives on in his son, actor George Clooney. Nick said that George’s humanitarian work in Darfur can be traced to his grandfather’s legacy. Both Clooneys traveled to Darfur together and made a documentary about it. Because of his celebrity, George raised awareness and money, attracted support and even addressed the UN in an attempt to focus attention on atrocities in the region.

Nick and George Clooney

If you are missing your father and/or grandfathers on Father’s Day, here are a few ways to keep their memories alive on Father’s Day.

Share stories and anecdotes about your father and/or grandfather.
Make a memory book of happy times with your dad/grandpa, and talk about the photographs, e.g. where you were, who was there, what that time meant to you, etc.
Remember your father/grandfather’s best advice and wisest sayings, follow and share.
Write something — a poem, a song, a recollection — about him.
Listen to his favorite music.
Perform an act of kindness in his honor.
Give to a charity in his memory.
Engage in a sport or activity he loved, e.g. golf, baseball, playing cards, etc.

For more ideas on how to keep memories alive, read The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Memories-Project-Legacies-That/dp/0988255375/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394317575&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Living+Memories+Project

On Memorial Day, 10 Tips to Help Children Who Have Lost a Loved One

 

Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer — a time for cookouts and picnics, parades and sales. Many people extend their celebration to four-day weekends and head off to the beach or the country to have fun.

But that’s not the original intention of Memorial Day, which takes place this year on May 25. This federal holiday, originally named Decoration Day to honor those who fought and died in the Civil War, is the most solemn of national holidays because it commemorates those who died while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces.

And while many families will be grilling and swimming this weekend, we all ought to pause to remember the many families, especially the children, who have lost loved ones while serving in the military.

To read the entire blog, published in Huffington Post, click this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meryl-ain-edd/on-memorial-day-10-tips-to-help-children-who-have-lost-a-loved-one-_b_7339146.html