Meryl Ain's Blog, page 2
December 20, 2016
Comfort Zone Camp
Comfort Zone Camp is for children, ages 7-17, grieving the loss of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver.
Center for Complicated Grief
Center for Complicated Grief is for those affected by an all-consuming form of grief that does not ease over time.
Bereaved Parents of the USA
Bereaved Parents of the USA offers support for parents, siblings, and grandparents.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is for family and friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.
On 9/11 Remember and Celebrate Lives of Victims With Community Service
This Sunday, September 11th, marks the 15th Anniversary of the day that 3,000 innocent souls lost their lives in an unspeakable, horrific conflagration that was witnessed by millions on live TV. On Sunday, all New York television stations have canceled their regular programming to remember and replay the recorded events of that day.
This year as it does every year one network – MSNBC — will devote 3 ½ hours to the “unedited, uninterrupted, untouched live footage of NBC’s Today Show coverage of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001,” an article in Slate Magazine reminds us. The piece by Jeremy Samuel Faust goes on to explain the negative, and sometimes traumatic impact of the reliving of this disaster, and argues for other ways to commemorate the tragedy.
There is another way. Instead of simply reliving that infamous day and grieving, I believe the 9/11 families and their support groups have struck the right note by asking us to channel our grief into doing something constructive that day. They have established the September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance. Since 2002, this charitable service day – which was established into law in 2009 — has served as a proactive, constructive and meaningful way to honor and remember the lives of those lost. In addition, it helps rekindle the spirit of unity and compassion that embraced the U.S. in the wake of 9/11.
As a result of their efforts, the September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance was established into law by the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act in 2009.
Throughout the country, volunteers of all ages and backgrounds are expected to join together in a variety of service activities, including helping the needy, collecting food and clothing, signing up as mentors, reading to children, volunteering at homeless shelters and hospitals, etc. Service projects that support veterans and military families or that tap the skills and leadership abilities of veterans are especially encouraged. Also encouraged are projects that help communities become better prepared for disaster and emergency situations.
Peter Alderman
We need to emphasize and celebrate the values, passions, memories and legacies of those we have lost rather than constantly rewinding how they were taken from us. That is exactly what Liz and Steve Alderman did after their 25-year-old son Peter was killed on 9/11 at the World Trade Center. They established the Peter C. Alderman Foundation to honor Peter’s memory by helping other victims of torture terrorism. The foundation trains doctors and establishes mental health clinics on four continents to treat victims of PTSD. It has proven so effective, that President Barack Obama honored the Aldermans for their work.
“There was nothing we could do for Peter,” Liz Alderman told us in our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last, “but if we could return the survivors of terrorism to life, then that would be the perfect memorial because Peter so loved life.”
After Maj. Stuart Adam Wolfer was killed in Iraq, his family was also determined to keep his memory alive. His parents, Len and Esther, and his sister, Beverly Nerenberg-Wolfer, created the Major Stuart Adam Wolfer Institute (MSAWI), which they also discussed in our book. It supports U.S. troops by increasing public awareness of the sacrifices made by those in the military.
“When we receive letters from solders detailing the impact a care package made on them, we know that Stuart would be proud,” they told us. “Having MSAWI allows us a positive outlet for expressing our grief, for remembering and honoring Stuart and for helping others….”
Aldermans at launching of a PCAF Clinic
There is no timetable for grief, no rules for grieving, and surely everyone is entitled to grieve in his or her own way, especially those who lost loved ones on 9/11. But celebrating memories can be comforting and healing. The September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance enables all of us to honor the lives and legacies of those who were lost on that terrible day — with caring, kindness, commitment — and action.
Visit Volunteer and Serve and find numerous ways to give back to your community.
This article appeared on Huffington Post on September 9, 2016. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/57d31803e4b0eb9a57b7a838?timestamp=147345285430
Meryl Ain, Ed.D., The Comfort Coach, inspires people to transcend their losses by keeping alive the memories, passions, values and legacies of those they have lost. She helps to promote healing by providing professionals, organizations, and individuals with the tools to foster optimistic thinking, positive projects, and resilience. A former teacher and school administrator, her articles have appeared in The Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, The New York Jewish Week, The New York Times, and Newsday. Her new book, My Living Memories Project Journal, will be released later this month. She is the coauthor of The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last.
Please visit and like The Living Memories Project Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/LivingMemoriesProject
Follow The Living Memories Project on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LivMemoriesProj
The Orlando Shooting – How to Comfort Kids
Orlando — formerly known as a magical, fun venue — has now been added to a growing list of places where unspeakable horrors have been perpetuated. As we imbibe the 24/7 media coverage, we are horrified and outraged at a despicable and depraved act that has caused unspeakable suffering, pain and grief. As adults, we search for ways to console and heal the afflicted at the same time that we look for ways to make our communities and our country safer and more secure. But how do we — who are stunned and shaken ourselves — comfort, reassure and empower our children in a confusing and frightening world?
Following the Paris terror attacks, a Le Petit Journal video of a French father and his 6-year-old son went viral. In response to his son’s fears, the father reassures him that they will not have to leave France, and points out that people have placed flowers and candles in memory of those who were killed. This seems to provide some consolation to the child.
Another approach is suggested by Fred Rogers, a great source of wisdom for parents and children. Mr. Rogers offers us a starting point for providing solace to frightened children.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
This is great advice for children as well as adults. It is comforting to know how quickly and competently the San Bernardino police responded, and how they likely reduced the number of casualties by their actions. It is important for children to understand that there will always be people – no matter what the tragedy or trauma — who will care for them.
Here are 10 ways for helping kids through these scary times.
1. Listen to your children very carefully and acknowledge their fears. Let your kids talk about their feelings as much or as little as they want to. Respect and honor their feelings. Answer their questions honestly.
2. Model calm behavior for your children. If you are upset and agitated, your children will reflect your attitude.
3. Monitor TV coverage, as well as newspaper, radio, and digital images and reports. Even if children have not personally experienced a catastrophe, watching it on the news can traumatize them.
4. A child’s age will determine what he/she can understand and process.There’s no “one size fits all.” Be age-appropriate.
5. Find out what is being discussed in school and among your child’s friends.
6. Don’t allow the tragedy to become the all-consuming topic in your household. Children hear everything. Understand that conversations between adults can frighten children as much as the news.
7. Offer positive input. Stress the courage and bravery of the heroes and the helpers. Explain that it is highly unlikely that your child will ever be in a similar situation. For example, “There is a one in four million chance that this will happen here. But if something bad does happen, there are always people who will help, protect and care for you.”
8. Share stories of cooperation, resilience, and hope.
9. Engage in family activities and rituals that are comforting, anxiety reducing, and enjoyable.
10. Suggest ways that your children can help victims.
Meryl Ain, Ed.D., The Comfort Coach, inspires people to transcend their losses by keeping alive the memories, passions, values and legacies of those they have lost. She helps to promote healing by providing professionals, organizations, and individuals with the tools to foster optimistic thinking, positive projects, and resilience. A former teacher and school administrator, her articles have appeared in The Huffington Post, MariaShriver.com, The New York Jewish Week, The New York Times, and Newsday.
Please visit and like The Living Memories Project Facebook page : https://www.facebook.com/LivingMemoriesProject
Follow The Living Memories Project on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LivMemoriesProj
December 1, 2016
November 21, 2016
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: In Living Memory of Bernard Scherel and Rena Scherel
Submitted by Ann Heller
When my father, Bernard Scherel, passed away at the age of 98 in July of 2010, my daughter Lisa Heller, who lives in Park Slope, decided to memorialize her grandparents in a very special way. Here are her words:
“I called Prospect Park Alliance about planting a tree in Prospect Park. I was then contacted by a wonderful arborist about the locations where they needed to plant some trees.
We met on a hazy Friday morning and walked around a few possible spots for the tree and I was able to choose one very close to where we frequent the park near the Meadowbrook “arch”. I was amazed at how involved I was able to be in the process — it made it feel very, very special.
She brought a binder of trees to choose from and I picked a “White Red Bud” from the book. It was planted in the fall of 2011 (I wasn’t able to be there when it was planted, but I believe that was an option). It bloomed beautifully the following Spring.
We’re able to visit it often and it is very much part of keeping our memories of grandma and grandpa alive and present. It feels as though they have a regular place in our lives. Sometimes when we’re standing looking at it or taking photos others stop to look at it too thinking there’s something special about the tree. Then we get to explain how it’s a memorial tree for our beloveds, which is also very special. We feel very connected to that tree.”
Click here info on planting a commemorative tree in Prospect Park. You can also get a bench, etc.
We welcome you to join our community and share your memories. If you would like your loved one’s story featured on our new website, please share your story here.
November 18, 2016
View and Send The Living Memories Project Holiday Cards
Holidays are difficult for many who have suffered the loss of a loved one.
Let friends and loved ones know that you are thinking of them during the holiday season.
Click on one of the cards below to download a pdf.
Holiday Wishes
Hanukkah Wishes
Christmas Wishes
November 10, 2016
Surviving the Holidays When You’ve Had a Loss
It’s the holiday season and everyone appears to be merry — except for everybody else who is missing a loved one! The holidays are the most difficult time of year for those who have sustained a loss. Two years ago, I wrote about the death of Susan, my sister-in-law and friend. She died a few days before Thanksgiving and her loss resonated throughout the holiday season and beyond. Click here to read Holiday Grief: Missing Susan and Keeping Her Memory Alive.
Our book, The Living Memories Project: Legacies That Last, was motivated by the loss of my mother and the quest to find out how to transform grief into significant action and meaningful memories. The 32 people we interviewed for the book taught us numerous ways to keep memories alive in ways big and small. From recipes, memory books and memory quilts to films, foundations, and scholarships, our book gives specific ways to honor the memory of a loved one. We are pleased that our readers tell us that they have found it comforting and healing. We are honored that The Living Memories Project won a Silver Medal in the Category of Grief in the 2014 Living Now Book Awards. Please consider our book as a holiday gift for your friends and family members who have sustained a loss.
At this time of year, we want to thank all of our friends and readers for your interest and support. Our new book, My Living Memories Project Journal, was published this fall and carries forth our mission of helping people to transform grief into positive action and living legacies.
May you always find comfort in living and loving memories and may the memory of your loved ones forever be a blessing.
Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy 2017!
Here are some tips for getting through the holidays:
Make an album or collage of your loved one, especially with family and friends enjoying happy times.
Prepare a dish that was a favorite of your loved one and share food memories.
Watch videos of special events and uplifting moments involving your loved one.
Share a favorite anecdote or story about the person who is gone.
Watch their favorite holiday movies and sing their favorite songs.
Give your loved one’s clothing to the needy.
Donate to a charity in memory of your loved one.
Light a candle.
And if you’re just not feeling the holiday spirit, try these:
If you feel lonely, help those who are less fortunate. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, hospital, or nursing home, etc.
If it’s just too difficult and painful to celebrate in the customary way this year, make a new tradition, e.g., going on vacation, going to the movies, and changing the venue.
Instead of sending your usual cards, send cards or care packages to those in the military and thank them for their service.
It’s always a good idea to seek out counseling, or a support or bereavement group.
