K. Wendt's Blog, page 4

The Year in Review: On the Spot

Year in Review

On the Spot

            It’s time for another confession! I had no idea what I was going to write about this week until about an hour ago.

            I knew I needed to write something for this blog in order to continue my goal of blogging weekly. I also knew that I had picked a topic that may not have multiple ideas to blog about. So, I had an oh crap moment.

            Then, I started to think the few times thru this year when I ran into the same problem. Usually, however, I would still be able to figure out what I wanted to write before the actual day of writing it. November was a little different, as that was a challenge I had given myself. But, today is the first time I really didn’t know what I would write.

            Now, here I am, in the midst of a new blog. I love writing! Excuse the nerd in me!!

            Being able to write this blog right now has done two things for me. It has provided me with a blog topic for today. It has also shown me that I am fully capable of doing what I set out to do.

            I needed that reminder as I am in the midst of an important time in my author life. Being an author is a hard road that does not always entail a lot of external reward. The internal rewards are the biggest and most appreciated. I won’t speak for every author out there, but for me, when I show myself that I can indeed accomplish the next step, I feel as though I have grown a little more.

            Growth is needed in anything you do. How can you move forward successfully in part of your life if are not willing to learn a little more? The author world is forever changing. If I’m to move and change with it, then I have to accept the growth it takes to achieve it.

            And now, I have completed another blog completely on the spot! What have you done recently to help you grow? And if you haven’t done anything, why not!

The Year in Review: Growth

The Year in Review

Growth

 

            First, thank you for traveling through this year with me. I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as I have. I will admit up front that I’m struggling a little bit with the topic for December. So, don’t be surprised if I change the topic before the month is over.

            As I look back on the topics and challenges I presented for myself this year, I can say I’m quite pleased at the growth I can see happening within me as a writer and an individual.

            I was very timid and afraid when I started this author journey four years ago. I was so afraid of offending people and my work not being good enough. Maybe the first book wasn’t awesome, but with practice comes improvement!

            I am no longer afraid to tell anyone about my books. Thanks to an important conversation with someone, I am longer afraid to write what I’ve been toying with for a while now. I believe in chasing your dream and if that involves charting scary waters so be it!

            I now believe in my work. That’s a weird statement, right! What I mean is, I have watched myself grow in my writing. I have watched as people have asked me when is the next one coming out and how do they find out when/where it’s available. Knowing people enjoy my work keeps me writing. Trust me, I had a nerdy blast as I received comments on last month’s blog!

            For me this year has proven that I am doing what I’m supposed to. I may still be on a long, slow road but I believe there is a major curve in my future and I can’t wait to get around the bend! I hope you will continue the journey with me. I love hearing what you have to say! Speaking of which…2018 is just around the corner and I need blog ideas. I use my blog to let my readers get to know me a little better as an individual and as an author. What are some things you would like to know about me. Leave a comment and share your thoughts with me. It’s been suggested I continue to write the Alpine story through the blog. What are your thoughts on that? I looked forward to hearing what you all think! Have a great week everyone!

NaNoWriMo Part Four

A quick note…Thank you for allowing me to practice my craft this month. I have been asked if I will continue this story. The answer to that is, yes. I don’t know exactly when or how, but yes, this story will one day be completed. 

NaNoWriMo

Part Four

 

It had been another stressful day at the office. Thomas threw his mail on the counter as he walked into his downtown apartment. Dallas was booming with the Cowboys winning last night’s game.

He took off his jacket and tie. He hated having to wear a tie a work. It always made him feel like the life was being sucked out of him. What he wouldn’t give to be an old pair of Wranglers and straddling a horse right now, he thought as he took out a glass to pour his evening relaxer in.

Jack and Coke. That had been their thing. He had taught Jen how to drink it one night. Damn.

If Thomas were honest with himself, he would admit that he missed her. Needed her. But, he didn’t think she would ever want to see or speak to him again. Not after the way things ended.

 

It happened on graduation night many years ago. Everyone was celebrating being done with college and moving on officially in adulthood. He had a career waiting for him Dallas. Moving up the scales in the financial world was his goal and he had decided the girl he loved was too small town to go on the ride with him.

Thomas had decided it was best to wait until the end of the night when it was just the two of them to tell Jen. He had to settle on doing it in front of Aaron because it seemed that guy wasn’t going to leave. Maybe he sensed what I was going to do?

Thomas had taken her outside into the backyard of the house Jen rented. He had thought maybe putting some distance between them and Aaron would help him say what he needed to. T

As he took a drink from his glass, Thomas remembered Jen’s reaction. He had never seen so angry, or so hurt the whole time he had known her. He knew she had ever reason to be upset. He chose his career over her. That was a decision he didn’t think he would ever regret. That was also twenty years and one divorce ago. Now, as he downed his glass, he’d give anything to have her back, laughing in his arms.

NaNoWriMo Part Three

Remember to read the last two blogs if you haven’t already! 

NaNoWriMo

Part Three

**

            After the game, Jen and Lyn met up with Aaron and a few other friends at the only pizza joint in town. The Lobos had lost another game but, no one was surprised by that. The school was known for it’s rodeo and ag program, not for football or really any other sport. But, you support your town’s local teams no matter what and most of their friends liked to go for pizza after a game.

“Hey, girls,” Will said as they came into the restaurant.

“Hey, Will,” Lyn said as she scooted into the corner booth next to him.

Jen scooted in next to Aaron. He put his arm around her and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“Are you still mad about last night?” he asked her.

“You know I hate tarantulas,” she frowned at him.

“That’s not what I’m talking about, Red.”

Jen knew what he was referring to. She just didn’t want to talk about it. Not then, in front of all their other friends. Never again, actually. She didn’t want to discuss one of the worst nights she had ever experienced with anyone.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Aaron. Please don’t bring it up again.” She told him.

“Whatever you say, Red,” Aaron kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Just remember I do love you and I am always here for you.”

Jen blused slightly as she caught Lyn watching them. Lyn had always teased that it should have been Aaron Jen ended up with instead of wasting her time on Thomas. Thomas…

Jen wondered how Thomas was doing. Where was he now? What was he doing? Was he happy? Did he think about her? Jen shook her head slightly. She chided herself inwardly for falling back into the pit of memories she swore she’d never visit again. She knew better. Every now and then, with the voicing of certain phrases, certain times of the year, and every damn time she took that ride, memories of the only man she had truly loved came flooding back and her heart would break all over again.

 

**

Lyn watched her two best friends across the table. They really were perfect for each other. Aaron didn’t let anything happen to Jen he could prevent and there was a night long ago, he nearly killed a man over her. Lyn wished the two of them would get over the “we’re just friends” wall they built up for each other and just be the couple they were meant to be.

Lyn knew when her best friend was happy and when she wasn’t. Her happiest times always seemed to involve Aaron. Even when she dated that pain in the ass, Thomas, Jen was still happiest when Aaron was around. Thank God that jerk left, Lyn thought.

She didn’t like Thomas. Never had. Something about him made her cringe every time he came around. Maybe it was the fact that his nose actually appeared to be stuck in the air when he was around Jen’s friends. The man had high expectations and ambitions. He couldn’t be faulted for that, but it was obvious he had a very clear idea of the type of people that were going to be worth his trip to the top.

Jen was an ideal person for him. At least in the beginning, when he was still finding his way. He was her first college sweetheart. She was his….Lyn wasn’t sure what Jen ever was to Thomas, but oh how Jen had loved him. Bastard!

“Lyn, what do you want to drink?” Will asked, shaking Lyn back to reality.

How long had the waiter been standing there?

“Sorry, I’ll have Pepsi please.” She told the waiter.

“Where did you drift off to?” Will asked.

Lyn looked across the table at her best friend.

“Nowhere, really,” she lied. “Just remembered something I have to do before my first client on Monday.”

NaNoWriMo Part Two

If you haven’t read part one, please go to last week’s blog and read it before reading this one. Enjoy!

NaNoWriMo

Part Two 

            It was two in the morning when Jen got back on her bike to go home. It had been a good night. Aaron was, as usual, great on the stage. She thought about him as she waved one last time at him before driving away.

            She wished he’d leave this small town and chase his Nashville dream. She didn’t know anything about the industry, but she did know he had talent and it was being wasted here.

            She decided to turn left and take the long way home. It was a cloudless sky tonight and the stars were beautiful. She loved riding on the open road under the stars. For the most part it was calming to her. Just think of now, not then she would always tell herself as her mind drifted to a time so long ago now.

            Jen shook her head and instead thought about the good time she had had with her friends. While, Aaron sang, Jen and Lynn drank drinks that other hopeful men bought for them. Jen knew her limit and she also knew neither one of them would be going home with someone. It was a rule they had made many years ago:  If you want to remember everything that happened, don’t get drunk and no man is worth the drink he’s buying. They both believed love was found outside the bar, not in it.

            Jen’s mind wandered again. She knew that to be true. Love, did indeed exist outside the bar. Too bad she wasn’t able to hold on to it. Jen slowed down as she came to some deer grazing on the side of the road. As she crept passed them, she realized where she was. Memories came rushing back to her of another cloudless night, sitting on his hood, snuggled into his arms and wishing they could stay like that forever.

            Get over it Jen! She chided herself. It was so long ago. He’s gone. Not coming back. Let go! Jen shifted gears and sped up her bike. This time going a little faster than she should around the curves. She was running from the memories again, just like she did every time she took that drive. Her vision blurred under her helmet as she attempted to will the tears to stop. She hated that he still affected her so much. It had been long enough. Why did she care anymore? As Jen blinked the tears away, she knew the answer.

 

**

 

                        “Hey, Jen,” Lynn said as she shook her best friend. “We’re going to be late.”

            Jen opened one eye and looked up at Lynn

                        “For?”

                        “It’s almost time for the game.” Lynn said getting up and pulling the covers off of Jen.

                        “Ugh,” Jen moaned and turned over. “Tell me why we go to watch a losing team again.”

                        “Because,” Lynn said “we should support them whether they win or lose.”

            Jen sat up. “Right! That’s why we go. It has absolutely nothing to do with the new coach.”

                        “Oh!” Lynn swatted Jen with a pillow. “Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t, but you need to get up.” Lynn swatted at her again.

                        “Alright,alright,” Jen said getting out of  bed. “I’m up, just let me take a quick shower.”

 

           

NaNoWriMo Part One

This month is known as National Novel Writing Month. The goal for this month is to write 50,000 words, which equals the length of a basic novel. I have decided to do the challenge thru my blogs. Now, I must tell you that I know this means I will not reach 50,000 words. I’m okay with that. My primary writing focus right now is my next novel, “Burned on Sunday”, which I’m near finishing. I don’t get to write everyday, but I still need to practice my writing. Due to a recent conversation with someone planning a trip to the Davis Mountains, my own personal memories of Alpine, and the people I have known and loved there, I am going to free write a new story via my blog for this month. Now, the purpose of this challenge is just to write, not edit. So, you are going to be reading the very first rough draft of the story I’m creating. You WILL see mistakes. Lucky for you though, I’m typing this one from the beginning. I usually hand write my first rough drafts because then I’m not so tempted to edit as I go. Anyway, let me introduce to one of my favorite places on earth. A place where Elvis once performed on stage at Sul Ross State University and Haas’s hat sits behind protected glass at the Museum of the Big Bend…enjoy!

NaNoWriMo

Part One

 

            The gravel kicked up from under the black Harley’s tires as it came to a stop in front of the bar. As the dust settled back down, all the men outside watched as the black leathered figure turned off the bike. Cat calls and whistles escaped the lips of a few of the drunken idiots toward the bike’s rider. 

            Jen rolled her eyes underneath her helmet. She needed to get off her bike and go into the bar. Her friends were waiting for her, but the eight legged creature between her and the door was taking it’s time to get out of her way.

                        “Jen!” Lynn called from the doorway.

            Jen took off her helmet, letting her long red hair flow down her back as she did so. She pointed toward the eight-legged creature.

                        “Oh, good grief!” Lynn said as she turned and disappeared back into the bar.

            A few of the cat calls continued as Jen stayed on her bike. Most of it had died down when some of the men realized who was sitting on the bike.

            Lynn came back out of the bar. This time, she had Aaron with her. He had a broom in his hand. Jen watched as Aaron walked over to the tarantula preventing Jen from getting off her bike. She saw the direction Aaron intended to send the tarantula.

                        “Aaron!” she screamed. “Don’t you dare!”

            With one sweep of the broom, Aaron helped the tarantula jump closer to Jen’s bike.

                        “Aaron, I swear!” she screamed again.

            Aaron was doubled over laughing. The tranantula decided to get a little closer to Jen.

                        “Aaron!” she screamed. “Seriously, I’ll start this bike back up and run you over!”

                        “Okay, okay, Red.” Aaron stood to his full six foot height. “Calm down.”

            He went over to the tarantula and helped it redirect it’s path. When it was far enough away, Jen finally got off the bike.

                        “I hate you, Aaron.” She said between clenched teeth.

            Aaron walked over to her, put his arm around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

                        “Naw, Red, you love me and you know it.”

            She punched him in the chest.

                        “Ow!” He said laughing.

                        “I may love you, but I sure don’t like you right now.” She squeezed out of his grasp and walked up the steps to the bar. Lynn was on the ground in tears from laughing so hard. “And you,” Jen said. “What sort of best friend does that to a person? There was nothing funny about that.”

                        “Oh, yes there was,” Lynn said as she tried to calm down. “You’re just mad because it was at your expense.”

            Aaron joined them on the porch. “Shall we go in and drink the night away, ladies?”

            Jen looked down and realized she hadn’t taken her protective gear off.

                        “Hold on,”

            She walked back out to her bike and proceeded to strip off her leather pants and jacket. All males eyes watching. She smiled to herself at the obvious oogling. Too bad they weren’t to get everything they were hoping for. Under her leather pants she was wearing skinny jeans that were tucked into her riding boots and hugged her hips and curvy butt. The casual black tank top draped across perfectly shaped breasts. She combed her fingers through her long hair, shaking it out as she did so. Satisfied, she went back to the porch to join her so called friends.

                        “Jeez, Jen,” Aaron said, “For someone who swore off dating, you sure know how to mess with a guy.”

            Jen smiled as she walked to the door, “I don’t mind showing them what they’re missing. Now, how about a Jack and Coke before your set?” she said as she walked into the bar.

            Her two friends followed her.

                        “Hey, Sam,” Jen said as she sat down on a stool.

            Sam turned from the customer he was serving.

                        “’Bout time you came in,” Sam told her. “I was losing customers because of you.

                        “Me?” Jen smiled. Sam liked to tease her  and she knew it.

                        “Yeah, you,” every guy in here had to see who was causing all the fuss outside.” Sam leaned across the bar and looked at Jen with a serious face, “tell me, did this one survive this time?”

                        “What?” Jen was confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” Sam told her, a smile forming on his lips, “the last encounter you had with a tarantula resulted in the poor little guy’s death.” Sam, Lynn, and Aaron all bursted out laughing.

            Jen tilted her chin up, “They are not poor little creatures,” she said trying to defend her fear of the eight-legged creations. “They are creepy.”

                        “You know, Jen,” Lynn said, “if someone who didn’t know you heard you talking they would never believe you love this place so much.”

                        “Ain’t that the truth!” Aaron agreed.

                        “I do love Alpine. I could just do without those things living here.”

                        “Enough about spiders,” Aaron said. “Are you going to sing with me tonight, Red?”

                        “Nope.”

                        “Oh come on1” Lynn said. “you should. You cowrote some of the songs with him after all.”

                        “Nope, I’m just fine with writing the lyrics. I don’t need to sing them and no one needs to hear me sing them.”

                        “I’ve heard you sing, Red, You’re not bad.”Aaron teased.

                        “When have you ever heard me sing?” Jen asked.

                        “Oh, I don’t think this the time to discuss that,” He said with a grin. “Besides, it’s time for me to onstage.”

            Aaron walked off quickly.

                        “I wonder what he’s talking about.” Jen said.

                        “Oh, based on how red your cheeks are right now,” Lynn replied. “I think you know.” She gave her best friend a wink before turning to get a good view of the stage to watch their friend perform.

            Jen did know what Aaron was referring to, but that was always supposed to remain between them. She wished he hadn’t teased her about it in front of everyone else.

Alter Ego Part Five

Alter Ego

Part Five

            Halloween is in two days. So, let’s wrap up this blog theme with another admittance…

            Who did you always want to be when you were growing up? Who did you look up to? Who did you dress up as on Halloween? Who did you sit in front of the tv and idolize every time the show came on?

            My answer will probably seem silly and predictable, especially with the movies that came out this year. I’ve been thinking about this particular blog for most of the month. I’ve tried to revert back into my childhood and think about my answer to the above question.

            So, first the simple answer…

            I loved watching Wonder Woman when I was little. What girl didn’t! I didn’t watch the cartoon version. No! I watched the Lynda Carter TV series. I watched a person become this amazing woman. Man, I wanted to be her!

            But, did I actually want to be Wonder Woman?? Depending on my age and imagination at the time, probably a little. I think, though, it was more about what she represented. She was a strong, independent woman. She was strong enough, not just physically, to do anything she needed to do.

            I have always admired strong people. People who I believe have this amazing inner strength to live the life they have been given. Life can throw some seriously hard curve balls at them, and somehow, they still move forward. They may be a little bruised from the ball but, they still move forward.

            I have told a few people how strong I believe them to be. I get crazy looks when I say this to people. They don’t seem to see the strength they have. At least, that is how I feel when someone tries to tell me I have amazing inner strength.

            I don’t view myself as strong. I simply live and do what is necessary to survive and move onto the next minute and day. I cower from the word strong and I think others do as well. It’s a hard word to hear and once associated with you, there seems to be this fear that you are no longer allowed to break or show your weakness.

            I think that is where the disbelief in your own strength comes from. Once it’s said out loud, are you allowed to have a weakness? No one ever shows their one hundred percent self to anyone. Do you now have to hide even more of ourselves for fear of falling off the pedestal you’ve been put on?

            My belief is this…

            In order to truly be the person you are supposed to be, you have to show all sides of yourself. Not to everyone. No. People still get bits and pieces. That’s the nature of life and relationships.

            What I’m saying is this…

            Be who you are. If you are not comfortable showing parts of yourself to certain people, then don’t. If you aren’t afraid to show all of your strengths and weaknesses to someone, then go for it! Just be you. Be comfortable with who you are all of the time. That is where true inner strength lies.

Alter Ego Part Four

Alter Ego

Part Four

            So, I’ve made my confession! I’ve spoken up and admitted to wanting to expand my writing horizon to wherever it takes me. Now, I have a question for you…

            What is your deepest desire? What is that one thing you need to do to feel more like yourself? What scares you so much, you can’t see straight?

            Now, once you’ve answered all those questions, I have another one for you…

            Why?

            Why did you answer the way you did?

            And more importantly than that…

            What’s stopping you from doing what you want to do?

            I think you know the answer. I’m confident I do because I was there just a week ago. I was still questioning “do I really want to do this”? Is this really something I see myself doing and enjoying. Is this being who I am?

            The answer to all of those questions was yes, yes, and yes.

            I couldn’t ignore my desire anymore. I had to speak up and admit where I wanted to go. Now that I have made my confession, I’m free to be…me!

            And I’m going to enjoy it every step of the way! Won’t you join me? Ask yourself these questions. Get to your “yes” and embrace who you are. It will be an amazing ride on the journey you’re taking.

Alter Ego Part Three

Alter Ego

Part Three

            I don’t know if this happens to a lot of writers, but sometimes I pick a blog topic that sounds great only to realize there may not be much subject matter to it.

            For a few days, I was feeling that way about this month’s blog topic. I kind of had an oh crap moment when I realized I had three more of these to write. Panic, panic, panic.

            Fortunately, I have a few people in my life willing to talk it out with me when I need to. Now, I have a way to go from here. So, here it goes…

            I’m going to continue last week’s blog basically. I’m going to shatter the mask I wear. Hopefully, you will still like me when I’m done.

            When I started my writing journey, I didn’t really know where I was going. The first children’s book I published was an adaptation of a Bible story. My novel, “Emma’s Journey”, is Christian Fiction Romance. While I, myself, read Christian fiction, I did not want to be branded solely as a Christian author. I am not ashamed of what I have written. I simply did not want to be limited to what I write.

            I believe in exploring what interests you. I believe in being who you are whenever possible. I believe in writing more than one type of genre.

            There is a line of books I have been toying with writing for years. I have started and stopped a story many times. I have made myself ashamed of what I wanted to write.

            In the beginning of my writing career, I watched as people responded to me being a Christian writer. I watched books be put back down on the table because they read the back cover and oops, this author is a Christian writer. I listened as people would tell me how they just knew I would never go the route I actually wanted to go.

            So, I made a decision, I had my publisher rewrite the back cover and take the word Christian out. Now, before you shun me for doing so, I’m not ashamed of my decision. I have a goal in the writing world and I will adapt where necessary, but that does not make me any less of a Christian.

            I have recently also made another decision…I’m going ahead and writing the line of books I’ve always been tempted to write. I’m not going to ignore that voice anymore. To do so, would be to ignore who I am. There was only one person whose opinion I cared about when making that decision. After talking to her this weekend, I’m moving forward with full confidence in what I’m writing.

            I realize as I type this, I may offend a few people. That’s okay. I understand you may not want to read those books. Good thing I’ll be writing them under a different name! All I ask is that you don’t judge me for my decision. An artist in any form, has to be able to express what’s inside of them. If you can understand what I’m saying, then I invite you to take off your mask and follow me!

Alter Ego Part Two

Alter Ego

Part Two

            I’m taking a deep breath and holding it while I write this blog. This will probably be the most honest blog I’ve written to date. So, bear with me as I take you through my thoughts.

            Since I decided to write about alter egos this month, I have been thinking about how I represent myself to people. I sit here today as a forty-one-year old woman who seems to be becoming more like herself now than she ever has before.

            As I get older, I realize more and more the misconception people have of me. It’s my own fault really. I’m the one wearing the mask that gives people the misperception of who I am…or maybe who I used to be.

            I was a people pleaser, a conformer. It didn’t matter how much you hurt me, I couldn’t willingly do that to you. I was the “good girl” who did as she was told. Because of certain events in my life, I was perceived as innocent and naïve, weak and simple. I made the mistake of allowing those misperceptions to continue. I couldn’t handle someone being ashamed of my, if I showed my true self.

            I sit here today and I find myself regretting ever allowing myself to wear that mask. It’s time to show my true self. My big, beautiful, slightly intolerant, tired of the bs self. I’m no longer afraid to be me. I am proud of who I am. I am proud of what I have accomplished and I am proud of where I am going.

            I’m in a new stage of life and I’m going to embrace it. My Creator took the time to create me as I am. Shame on me for hiding it all these years.