K. Wendt's Blog, page 5

Alter Ego Part One

Alter Ego

Part One

            For October’s blog theme, I decided to go with discussing alter egos. I think it is fitting since Halloween is this month. People pretend to be someone else on that night. So, why not make a monthly discussion of it?!

            I am an author. Whether authors use a pen name or not, they take on another identity when they write, at least I do.

            I imagine myself as each character so that I can do my best to clearly describe what they are experiencing.

            In my first novel, my main female character wasn’t too far from who I am as a person. Although, I do tell people she wasn’t me, there was a little bit of me in her. If you know me, you know what characteristics of hers bring me out in her.

            It was hard to write my first novel. I fought being predictable and keeping me out of it as much as I could.

            My second novel I’m working on is a lot more fun. The main female character of this book is nothing like me. Well, okay, probably a little because there is a piece of the author in character they write. Overall though, the main character of my new book is nothing like myself and I’m having a lot of fun being her as I write.

            I also get to play the part of a true villain in this book. I get to go to the dark side for a little bit and think about how they would behave and act in certain situations. I get to figure out why they hate certain people. I also get to be the hero that stands up against them.

            I get to explore all these different characters with completely different personalities and different agendas. I get to decide where they all go and how they all get there.

            Now, I say I get to decide, but the truth is at some point the book starts to write itself. This is a good thing!! You know you have a good story when the characters are speaking up and leading the way. Am I still playing their part? Absolutely!  And I love every single minute of it!!

Be Still Part Four

Be Still

Part Four

            I think, for this last post on “be still”, I’m going to bring the focus to being an author. I don’t know how every author practices their craft. I only know myself. I am a quiet person. I can be in a group of people and say very little. Those who know me, know I’m having a good time. The ones who love me, put up with my quietness.

            Anyway, I have always been a quiet person. I choose to observe and listen rather than speak. I do speak when necessary and I have my moments of nonstop talking. Overall, though, when I’m quiet I am most in tune with what is going on around me.

            It is my belief that the tone of a person’s voice says more than the words they speak. I listen for the tone the words travel on. As I continue to develop my craft, my ears are constantly searching for a new spin of a phrase or an interesting word/tone combination.

            My eyes are constantly seeking new things to sketch out in detail. The way a person moves or reacts. The way people respond to each other. And what is happening beyond the group of people? What are they not seeing that could create a whole new world inside a book? How did we all get to this one place? Does their behavior expose their backstory?

            I usually keep a small notebook with me, though I don’t get it out among a group of people. My nerdiness doesn’t need to show all the time! Most of the time, something I observed or heard will get written down. Especially, if the story is forming quickly in my thoughts.

            As an author, I find myself asking age old questions with a new purpose in mind. Why does he sit outside the coffee shop every single day at four o’clock with a Coke can in hand? Why does the older gentleman eat his McDonald’s breakfast with a spoon he brought with him?

            Just those two questions alone can spin a story twenty different directions. This is probably one of my favorite forms of being still. I love when my mind is wandering off into the author world and creating new stories or poems. What encourages you to stop, be still, be quiet and just observe your surroundings? Do it sometime and see what you discover!

Be Still Part Three

Be Still

Part Three

            As I go through this month thinking about how to “be still”, I find my mind drifting to my commute to and from work. I have twenty minutes both ways to sort of decompress from life and take a minute to breathe. I spend those times three different ways.

            One, I talk to my best friend. She knows me best and knows how to get me breathing correctly again. I think I do the same for her as well. It is nice having a person in my life that has known me for so long who will occasionally say, you are okay being you. I need to hear that.

            Two, I listen to several types of music, but the radio station in my car is always tuned to Air1. For me, that music is calming. It is my own personal worship time where I raise my hands and sing for the joy of my Creator.

            Three, sometimes I just ride in silence…until I talk loud and fast to my Creator. Sometimes, the craziness of my mind is so loud, I use that time of silence to let my mind wander where it needs to go and talk randomly to my Creator. I won’t say any answers come about in that time, but I usually feel better.

            I understand if the above examples are confusing as far as being still, but during that drive, I have no other place to go. I am locked in my car for twenty minutes. For me, being still is about taking something deeply in that you have neglected or never realized before.

            In those moments, whether I’m talking to my best friend, singing, or talking to the silence, I am in a sense experiencing a “be still” moment. I come away from all those times feeling a little better than before they began. I need those moments just as much as I need the tranquility of the ocean and outdoor walks.

            The point of being still is to know my Creator more. These are the moments I come away feeling more at peace with things. These are the moments I need.

Be Still Part Two

Be Still

Part Two

Sometimes all we need is to be still. We need that break that helps us breathe. We need that minute that keeps us calm. We need the silence of peace.

For me, this comes in a couple of different forms. If you have kept up with my blog, you know the ocean is a tranquil place for me. I always leave the ocean feeling better than when I arrived there.

Another way I achieve this is by walking outside when I can. I prefer walking outside in the mornings before the sunrise, but I currently live in a developing neighborhood that makes that a little difficult to do. So, I go to the gym and walk on a treadmill there. While my mind wonders between thoughts, the music in my ears, and the vast tvs before me, I am not being still. It’s not a tranquil place.

When I can, I do walk outside in the evening. There is just something about seeing wildlife and breathing fresh air that helps me feel better. I used to sit on my parent’s back porch when I would visit them. There peace on their porch that I long to have. That’s a tranquil, be still, moment for me. It’s been too long since I’ve done that.

My life is a constant state of busy. I’m constantly going or working. For me, a moment to sit and just breathe is a rarity. Even when I sit, someone or something demands something of me. So, I have begun to search out those tranquil be still moments more. I need them in order to breathe. I need them to help me move forward the way I am supposed to. I need them period, without them I am not me.

Be Still Part One

Be Still

Part One

Word of God speak

Would you pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That you’re in this place

Please let me stay and rest

In your holiness

Word of God speak

Mercy Me: Word of God Speak

It’s been a crazy week in Texas to say the least. While there was a lot of wind and rain where I live, we were not hurt by Hurricane Harvey. I have family members that did have to evacuate their homes for a while. Some have to replace their floors and a few things, but thankfully everyone is okay.

Hurricane Harvey represents the craziness of life I feel I currently live in. My mind and body are constantly going with a million different thoughts and things to do. It’s hard to remember to be still, just for a moment.

Several times this week, “Word of God Speak” by Mercy Me has come to my mind. In the aftermath of the terrible storm and within the midst of my life, I have found myself wondering when was the last time I was still enough to listen to my Creator. When was the last time I truly sought Him and waited for him to answer?

The answer to that question is embarrassing, but also eye opening. So often, I forget that He is there and He really does want me to seek Him. I forget that He is always with me, waiting for me to call.

And then the moment comes, be it during the storm of a raging hurricane or in the simple words of a friend. In this moment, I remember that my Creator is waiting. I just need to remember to be still and know that He’s here with me waiting and wanting to lead me.

Who I Am Part Four

Who I Am Part Four

I’m going to end the blog theme for this month with a poem I wrote some time ago. I have moments where I battle with my identity and do indeed feel like I almost have to choose between two completely different worlds of living. Enjoy…

 

I Am

Stuck in the middle

Two worlds at my side

One to be followed

The other pushed aside

Yet, I cannot fully follow the one

Without leaving pieces of me

My life run

By others thinking

I do not know who I am

But I cannot exist solely in one world

Let me stay as I am

A mixed-up girl

Not yet clearly defined

I desire to follow

Bu the thinking must be mine

On my mind becomes hollow

Let me have as I desire

Let me be who I am

Light the two worlds on fire

Let me fill the flames

Consume me

Envelope me

Create me

Mold into me

Let me become who I am

 

Who I Am Part Three

Who I Am Part Three

            Yesterday, I attended a Cousin’s Family Reunion. This was the first year for this reunion and, hopefully, there are many more to come. As I spent time with my family, I saw how even my cousins make up part of who I am.

            In the past eight years, we have had to come together to mourn three times as we lost precious members of our family. It was nice to come together yesterday to just laugh and have a good time.

            I believe it is thanks to our grandparents that we understand the value of family so well. Our grandparents had four children and we are their nine grandchildren. All nine of us have memories of hanging out at our grandparent’s lake house during the summers and several Christmases. Most of the time, we hung out with cousins while we were there.

            Yesterday, was a great reminder of what Mammaw and Pappaw instilled in all of us. Family is important. Family matters. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good time or bad time in someone’s life, family will be there. I hope we were all reminded of that yesterday as we laughed our way through an uncoordinated volleyball game and reminisced about times together.

            I enjoy my family, all of my family, and I wish I could see all of them more often. We talked about where we’re doing this next year. I can’t wait to come together again. Maybe we can do it a little sooner than a year from now??

            I love you all very, very much. Until we see each other again, stay safe and continue the Powell legacy!!!

Who I Am Part Two

Who I am Part Two

            So, last week I gave some insight into my day job. Let me go into a little more detail into what I do.

            As I said, I am a simple shoe girl. I work in customer service at a comfort shoe store in a nearby town.

            It’s not the typical shoe store most people are used to nowadays. We greet you as soon as you walk in. We want to know how we can help you and when you’re ready to try on your shoes, we want to help you obtain the right fit.

            In order to do that, we measure both of your feet. Yes, both, your feet are different! Depending on the type of shoe you’re looking for and what may or may not be going on with your feet, we suggest a few styles to try on. And, we put the shoes on you ourselves.

            We are a full-service shoe store. We do our best to take care of you from start to finish.

            I think the uniqueness of our store is why I enjoy doing it. I get one on one with the customer and learn about their feet and their needs. The customers in our store usually understand what we do and why. Nine times out of ten, we have “regular” customers after the first visit because of our special training and the knowledge we have. It can be overwhelming the first time you come to see us, but give us a chance and you’ll see why we stand out as the type of store we are.

            In this place, I have a little more freedom to enjoy who I am and what I do. My boss supports my desire to write and publish and works with me when I need to attend events. This is a flexibility I need in my life right now. So, I’m very thankful for her understanding and ability to work with me.

            So, if you’re curious about our store, message me and I’ll be glad to tell you more about it. Stop by, and if I am the waits on you, don’t be surprised if I try to sell you a book or two once we are done with shoes! Yep, she lets me do that too!

Who I Am

Who I Am

            I always tell people that if they want to get to know me, read my blogs. My blogs are where I’m a little more open about the way I feel and see certain things. Every blog I write is an opinion, my opinion.

            Coming off a crazy July and only getting a couple of blogs written during that time, I’ve had a little bit of a hard time deciding what the theme would be for the August blogs. It was suggested that I use August to talk about the “two lives” I lead. So, with that in mind, here I go…

            My passion is writing. I think I have made that very clear in my blogs and conversations with people. But just in case I didn’t…my passion is writing!

            Notice the key word in that sentence. Do you see it? It’s “passion”. Now, let me explain what I mean.

            I currently work a regular day to day job to earn a living. I need that money to pay bills and to contribute to my author life. Unfortunately, I’m not selling enough copies of my books yet to quit and write full time. So, for me, writing is still a passion…not a hobby…let’s make that perfectly clear! NOT A HOBBY! I cannot stand that word!!!!!!!

            Anyway, back to what I was saying.

            My true passion is writing. I feel most like myself when I write or when I’m surrounded by other authors. I know it’s what I was created to do, but it’s not something many people make a living doing. Although, I intend to somehow, someday, in some way.

            So, for now, I work in retail. I am simple shoe girl in a unique shoe store environment.

            I don’t work for a major chain. I work for a sole proprietorship. In our store, you get one on one customer service. The interaction with people is great and has helped me come out of my introverted shell a little more. I also work with great people and that makes a huge difference in any job. They all have been with me as I began my author journey and each one, I believe, supports me in my writing.

            Truth be told, if the writing bug wasn’t so engrained in me, I would probably be quite content selling shoes the way I do. It’s nice knowing people hope you’re the one that waits on them and having people walk and say, “I was told to ask for K.” But, as I said before, my passion is writing. Have a conversation with me sometime and bring up shoes and writing. I’ll inform you about proper footwear and why it’s important, but I’ll pull you into the nerd world with me once I start chasing the writing rabbit!

            Now, I must say before I end this, that I don’t intend to quit my day job anytime soon. My boss is a smart woman and she knows what I want! She also reads my blogs, so just making sure she understands she won’t be rid of me anytime soon!

Friendships

Friendships

            Women. All women go through many, many stages in their lives. Women seem to have a more intricate, emotional system than men. Maybe this is the reason why spending time with other women is so important to me. I need that time with my girlfriends because it allows me to simply be a woman.

I need to laugh, cry, gripe, whatever! I need to have the opportunity to be a girl without getting weird looks or comments because the man before me doesn’t really understand exactly where I’m coming from or what exactly I need. How could he! He’s not a woman!

Spending time with my girlfriends allows me to have those emotional moments and crazy laughs. Why? Because as women, they understand what I need during our girl time. They understand it because they also need it.

Women go through some crazy cycles of life as we grow older. We go from being a cute, giggly little girl to bearing children of our own. We experience empty nest syndrome before we are ready. We watch our bodies change as we grow older.

As we go through all these amazing steps of life, we experience times of feeling inadequate, unwanted, and feeling ugly. We can’t always win the battle with our bodies. Genetics is genetics and we can’t change that no matter how hard we try.

Try as they might, men can’t necessarily take on a woman’s battle of feeling inadequate, unwanted, and ugly. They can’t fight that battle for us because they don’t understand it. Sometimes, a woman just needs to let things out. She’s not always looking for an answer.

And that is why having friendships with other women is so essential. We get it because we are women! So, when we say we need to go out and have some girl time, let us have it! It helps us breathe. It refreshes us. It’s a time of much needed encouragement to move forward in our daily lives.

I, am so thankful for the women in my life. You are each a beautiful blessing to me.