Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 33

My One Thing: Rick Kardos

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Rick Kardos is the Executive Director and co-founder (with his wife Vikki) of the Nathan Project, a ministry providing hope, leadership, training, and a place of recovery for men who struggle with the compulsive use of pornography and sexual addiction.

Connect with Rick:

Website: www.nathanproject.net

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nathan-Project

Phone: 603-232-8236

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

Steve: Hey guys! Steven Q in here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m on the line with Rick Kardos. Rick is the Executive Director and Co-Founder with his wife Vicky of the Nathan Project. It’s a ministry providing hope, leadership training, the place to recovery for men who struggle with compulsive use of pornography and sexual addiction. And before we begin Rick I’m just going to ask you what’s up with the name Nathan Project?

Rick: 5 years ago Steven, kind of the lord me gave me the idea or I just found it but in the bible, Nathan has an interaction with David three different times and in each case he not invited a party. He doesn’t get a phone call. He doesn’t get a invite from David and he needs your help particularly with bad [inaudible – 0:00:57.5] he walks up and at the end of the day he said, David bets you who taught this man that we talked about stole, that did this horrible thing that you and David response by recanting…the thing, the other two times when David and Nathan interact.

My belief kind of mass struggling what’s the use of pornography with sexual addiction. He needs Nathan like someone who steps in and somewhat calls him out. It’s rare that a man who just, oh I have a problem, I need help. Usually he’s been called out and caught. This closure happens in a manner that not up his choosing and that’s when Nathan comes into your life plus a really good news why we called it the Nathan Project has been the man gets healed, you know, he first describe, he could heal and he can become a Nathan and someone else is like a ripple effect of the project.

Steve: Yeah very cool. I figured you had a good reason for picking that name and I think that’s a great reason. So that begins me to the question that I’ve been asking everyone if…what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with pornography addiction?

Rick: The secrecy, you know, keel on both people, marriage, families when it comes to the use of pornography for example and sexual addiction. It’s in the beginning of the dialogue whether it’s your brother in Christ, whether it’s what have to or whether it’s a counsellor, whether it’s just with friends, whether he’s a believer or not. But open the door for dialogue. Talk conversation and then look for the wise counsel that have move you towards…in our case for example, a for men only group, for men gather, they use a curriculum maybe for two hours but have strict accountability, not a just of faith if they [inaudible – 0:03:01.9] but it’s close, it’s confidentially meet every week but that all begins with dialogue somewhere. We wired for relationships, that’s a little [inaudible – 0:03:13.8]. Most relationships begin with dialogue with one person and the other.

Steve: That’s great. I think that’s wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing that with us Rick. Tell people where they can find more about your ministry.

Rick: The easiest and the obvious way these days is nathanproject.net. You can find us on the internet to talk about it. Because I’ve worked with men in a confidential setting. I also share the office down here which is here in New Hampshire which is 603-232-8236. You’re more than welcome to call here to talk to me to get some live counsel. Then there’s on the internet, they’re about for men only groups dealing with this particular issues and with each one there is a contact. A man who leads the group and there are peer lives of [inaudible – 0:04:15.3] understand what you’re talking about and the phone number and an internet address. You can talk to them as well.

Steve: Great. Well thanks again, I appreciate your time and enjoy all the snow you guys have there in New Hampshire.

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Smart Quote: Bob George

Belt of Truth Ministries.

Finding God’s Kingdom in Your Story

I have always believed God has a plan for His people that is much larger than to merely have them suffer through sin until they’re set free in death. I haven’t always experienced this, but I’ve continued to believe it nonetheless.

For many years, I tried an assortment of Christian practices to help me stop looking at pornography (and the shameful lying that often followed). I had seasons where I did better, and seasons where I failed… hard.

Through it all though, I had two truths firmly rooted in my heart:

There was something wrong with me deep inside, and…
Whatever it was, God could fix it.

I found many things that helped—accountability partners, regular fasting, disciplined bible reading, singing worship songs, going to church—but none of them successfully fixed the problem.

Eventually, I discovered my battle was spiritual in nature, and the strongholds of lust and deception I’d allowed the enemy to erect in my heart could only be broken down by a power greater than my own. I could not do this by my own will. I would need to trust God and submit to whatever He asked of me.

I had struggled with not wanting to submit my sin to God, hoping instead to be like God without His help. I eventually realized that was just my foolish pride. Once I began to submit to the difficult and courageous steps God was asking me to take—becoming honest with my wife, pursuing bible-centered counseling, repenting from the lies I had believed about my sin, accepting some hard words from the godly men I trusted—I began to experience significant breakthroughs.

It was in that period of my life when I came across Mid-Valley Fellowship. This unassuming ministry was bringing people to Jesus for the same kind of healing that I had recently found. Mid-Valley wasn’t like the other ministries I’d encountered in my wanderings: programs that assume you’ll always struggle, only now you can do so “victoriously.” These people were looking for a deeper place of healing and genuine transformation that only the Spirit of God could bring.

Last year’s benefit dinner, for example, was particularly moving. Several people shared deeply personal testimonies about the struggles they’ve had (and continue to have) in seeking God’s design for their lives. All of them were in the process of recognizing their true identities as children of God. This gospel truly was good news.

As I heard their stories, I felt my own heart ring with a genuine connection to God’s kingdom. The work of God that had set me free was at work in these men and women too. It was yet another reminder that God wants to do more than just make us disciplined—He wants to change us and make us whole.

He wants to bring His Kingdom deeper into this world through our connection with Him, transforming our lives and leading us into resounding joy.

When Jesus returns, there will be many stories of redemption and restoration to share. But even today, much of God’s Kingdom is being shared through the testimonies of people who struggle in a dark and corrupt world yet have found the power of the Lord when they needed it most.

•••

“You are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple.”

—1 Peter 2:5—

•••

I am learning to see God’s Church as a people set apart from the world, not just people who go to a specific building on Sunday mornings.

I’m learning what it means that God “does not dwell in temples made by human hands.”

And now, more than ever, I am putting my hope in this transforming message of Jesus. As He travelled the countryside in a backwater Roman colony, He kept repeating the same phrase: “Behold, the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.”

As I continue to hear more stories of redemption in those who have trusted Christ, I have to say I whole-heartedly agree—the Kingdom of Heaven truly is at hand.

.

Luke Zedwick worked for 11 years as a math teacher, church elder, and an occasionally paid minister of the Gospel of Jesus of Nazareth. He’s spent the last few years as a school principal, husband & dad, and Bible teacher in his local church home group.

If you would like to contact Luke, you can reach him here.

The post Finding God’s Kingdom in Your Story appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

NACR: Spiritual Brokenness in Recovery

“My experience is that people who expect their relationship with God to be relentlessly cheerful are in for some significant disappointment. In my case, I worked very hard to make every day with Jesus be sweeter than the day before. I worker hard. I worker harder. I worked my hardest. But the reward for all that hard work was gradually increasing depression, confusion, anger and religious compulsion.”

Paul Robinson: Yes, the Bible is Offensive

“People like the woman caught in adultery, the tax collector doing over his own people, the son who decides to abandon his family, the Pharisees, the Roman centurion who has a conscience, the disciple who is beginning to doubt everything, Pilate, Herod, and everyone who has ever believed that they need to earn approval, Love and acceptance. The group that the Bible is good news for includes everyone. And for some, that’s just too offensive to bear.”

XXXChurch: 3 Ways Porn Wreaks Havoc In Our Lives

“Because porn is destructive. It destroys lives, marriages, and even our relationship with God. Am I overreacting when I say that?”

Randy Alcorn: Why an Eternal Perspective Changes Everything

“Most of us see no further than the horizons of this world. To correct our shortsightedness, God prescribes a vision correction that allows us to look through the lens of eternity. Suddenly we realize this present life is but a brief window of opportunity to invest in what will last for eternity.”

John Piper: The Great Antidote to Shame

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

To All the Men Who Just Got Outed on Ashley Madison…

Ashley Madison has been hacked, but that’s not news to you. No, you’ve been watching this story unfold very closely, hoping desperately that the data wouldn’t be made public.

Unfortunately for you, that was not the case. If you’re anything like the majority of men and women who just got outed in the breach, you probably have a few thoughts running through your mind right now:

Is my email on that list? Who am I kidding. I know it is.
Will my wife look for my name? Has she looked already?
Is there anything I can do to keep this secret hidden?

Your carefully crafted wall of deception now has this huge, gaping, obvious hole exposing the truth about you to anyone who wishes to look—and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it at this point.

I know your pain.

I know your fear. 

My heart breaks for you, because I’ve been right where you are.

I know very personally the shame that comes from being found out, from being discovered, from coming face-to-face with the destruction your hidden life has been causing in the lives of everyone you love.

But I also know that for many people, myself included, this tragedy can also be the catalyst that springboards you into a life of freedom from the things that currently enslave you.

Today, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. But with time, if you humble yourself and learn the lessons that God has for you in this season, I am confident that you can someday look back upon this time in your life with thankfulness and praise.

My own story is far too long to fully share in a single post, as are the lessons that God taught me through my own sexual addiction, consequent exposure, and ongoing redemption. However, I would love to give you a free copy of my book, 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn, so that you may read the full account of how God worked in my life—even in the most tragic of circumstances.

Just use the coupon code “ASHMAD” on our bookstore to get a free copy today.

This is not then end of the road for you, my brother. No, this may in fact be the trailhead. Let me hand you the map that God gave me to follow through my own dark valley, and perhaps it will help you to find the deep love, acceptance, and intimacy that you were searching for on Ashley Madison.

The post To All the Men Who Just Got Outed on Ashley Madison… appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

DONE: You Became a Citizen of Heaven

 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. (Philippians 3:20)

I’ve been fascinated with Arnold Schwarzenegger since I first watched him star in all those cheesy 80s action movies. His entire life story, from coming to America as a bodybuilder to becoming governor of California, sounds as if it had been written by Hollywood screenwriters. It seems like everything he ever wanted to experience he found a way to make happen—no matter how grandiose it seemed at the time.

Needless to say, when his autobiography, Total Recall, came out I was super excited to read it. One of the things that fascinated me the most in his story was how meaningful it was for him to finally gain US citizenship:

“As long as I live, I will never forget that day 21 years ago when I raised my hand and took the oath of citizenship. Do you know how proud I was? I was so proud that I walked around with an American flag around my shoulders all day long.”

Arnold had won the Mr. Olympia competition a record-setting seven times, starred in major blockbuster movies, and built a fortune as a real-estate mogul. Yet even with all of those experiences, one of the proudest moments of his life was the day he finally became a citizen of the United States of America.

For someone like me who was born in America, I don’t spend a lot of time considering what my citizenship means for me. I’ve been entitled to all the rights, privileges, and benefits that come from being an American my entire life. I’ve never known any other way. For someone like Arnold however, they’ve experienced what it’s like to be on the outside looking in. They’ve known what it’s like to live in other countries—for better or worse, or to live within the United States as a non-resident.

The moment someone gains US citizenship, they instantly receive all the rights that come with that. In Arnold’s case, he now could vote in US elections, receive access to public benefits, and hold certain government jobs (such as governor). In addition, any children he had as a US citizen (or any children he adopted from a foreign country) would be considered full US citizens as well.

In the same way, the moment you put your faith in Christ, God adopts you as His child. You become a citizen of heaven, instantly receiving all the rights, privileges, and benefits that come with it. Your earthly citizenship may still be in America, France, Nigeria, or some other country, but your eternal citizenship will forever be in God’s Kingdom.

On that day when you finally reach the gates of heaven, God will look at your passport, see that Jesus has already stamped it, and say to you “Welcome home, child.”

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ. The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase one on Amazon.

The post DONE: You Became a Citizen of Heaven appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: John Fort

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

John Fort is the former program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance & director of Pure Community for Be Broken Ministries.

Connect with John:

Blog: www.johnwfort.com

Website: www.purecommunity.org

Website: www.purelifealliance.org

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

Steve: Hey guys! Steve with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got John Fort on the line. John is the former program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance and now he’s the director of Pure Community for B Broken Ministries. John what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?

John: Well the things I’ve learn myself over the years is we all start off knowing pretty well what we’re trying to move away from. I mean, there’s discoveries and that new little things that we didn’t see were part of the picture. That’s pretty easy to identify. And most people also know that we need to move towards something. If all we do is focused on what we’re trying to stop but it didn’t get anywhere. But what I found in both myself and other men that I’ve worked with is sometimes we have a hard time understanding what things that we’re trying to move toward actually helped. And what helped me a lot is to understand that with the things I was doing before whether it was porn or whatever else it was. It was doing something for me.

I was trying to meet some kind of a need. It may not had much to do with the need. It could have been isolation or loneliness or feeling insecure or not good enough. And so if I can identify what that was doing for me, it makes it a lot easier to figure out what I can do that actually meets that need. For example, it’s really really common for men to feel like I need to be feel valuable, I need to feel wanted. And we sexualize that and so that turns into the porn thing but the funny thing about it is, is that a typical guy will be, I need to feel wanted so I want to find that validation from a woman and it just doesn’t work. Because usually who we feel least good enough around or other guys not and so the need is to feel wanted or valuable or good enough.

So what am I going to do to meet that need and the move toward thing that matches up with that is to spend more time with guys that I know and that I’m very open with it. I’m sure we may have a support group we go to and that kind of thing and it may or may not connect super well with those guys. That support group is setting valuable for a safe place to just let it all out, be talking about anything and I’m not going to judge. I know that because they’re all in the same boat. But I may or may not really have a deep connection with the guys in my particular group.

We’re all thrown together because we all have the same problem but we may not really…and it just adds a lot of value on learning to relate but we got to start taking that outside of our support group at some point in time into a larger group of friends and we may found out that some people who we thought our friends near does not really willing to go there and they kind of drift aside and we find guys that we do want to spend time within a regular basis. They may meet guys in the support group, they may not. Then I’m talking with once a week.

So for example for me, one of my goals is to at least one day a week get together with another guy and talk about life. So what are we talking about? We’re talking about I’m married so I’m talking about how is my relationship with my wife going. I have a teenage children, how is that going? Stuff you don’t necessarily have time in a group to do and we may talk for a long period of time about that and they’re going to share the same kinds of things. And so we’re talking about the kinds of feelings and failures that may have done in a relationships that then may have led down to wanting to act out with pornography or something because we just have to stop those negative feelings but I can talk that out with another guy before maybe even before temptation ever gets there, I’m dealing with that stuff. And that has made a really really big difference in my life the last several years as I’ve done that. And these people become like my brothers in a true sense. We say that about support groups a lot of times but people on support groups come and go, they move, their jobs changed, they have to go to a different group or something like that.

So this is a different kind of a connection and I have two guys right now that we meet every week. It’s not a support group, it’s not reading a book, we don’t have a homework, none of that kind of stuff. But we’re just talking the same amount of time but we’re just talking through our life what’s going on, the things that are stressing us out. In addition to that, if something stressful happens, we immediately call it each other no matter what it is. So I am once a week doing this kind of life debrief but also multiple times during the week texting or calling just to check and see how we’re feeling. Again this isn’t necessarily about temptation or anything. It’s processing these things that could turn into negative feelings before they ever get to be something that’s leading into way of temptation.

So I think for me that has been not granted for a brand new guy coming in…does scary enough to talk about in the support group. They don’t want to do this anywhere else so I don’t see this is a thing that necessarily a brand new guy getting in there is going to embrace very readily but down the road that’s where we have to get at some point in time otherwise it becomes something we deal with once a week and that’s not very successful. This has to become part of our lifestyle. The support group teaches us how our rest of our lifestyle has to be in more relationships than just those guys that we see. So that’s been kind of the transformational thing to me to where in my own recovery.

Steve: Great. Yeah I totally agree. I do the same thing. I’ve got a couple of guys that I stay in close contact to it and sometimes those meetings are just talking about life like nothing really, I mean, it’s just how are you doing, what’s going on, and sometimes we show up and we’ve got something that’s been bugging us that we really need to talk about and I found that those meetings are some of the…I mean, that’s the highlight in that week in a lot of ways because I know like as long as I keep meeting with those guys and keep stuff out in the open, I’m not going to start down that road to isolation and hidden this and lying and all the stuff.

It comes along with addiction and so it’s like, yeah I totally get where you’re coming from and I would agree that it’s incredibly helpful and yeah it had taken me years to get to that point where I actually look forward to that because at first it was like…like you said it’s a little overwhelming just to show up the group let alone, have guys that you’re talking with throughout the week but yeah I’d encourage everyone to take that advice and make sure you’ve got those guys you can enact with. So cool, thanks for sharing that John. Tell people where they can find out more about what you’re doing online.

John: Well I’m working on a new website this year called Pure Community and it’s purecommunity.org and that particular website is designed to help people find resources. So it doesn’t matter where you are in the country, it’s how to find intense which an intensive is a three-day boot camp you might say where you’re with councilors and experts and they’re leading you through in a very small group of guys recovery stuff and you kind of…I know this sounds tight until you’ve actually been there. You get a years with recovery in three days. Because the amount of hours you’re spending if you took a support group and spread it out over a year, that’s 52 hours. You’re spending that much time in one weekend.

So they’re very helpful, how to find the intensives, how to find the support groups all over the country, how to find qualified councilors because a lot of us do need counselling and the seminaries and workshops just kind of one day conference events…and so helping people find the community and then it also brings the community to us as a community voice section where people across the country who are working in this area can talk about different specific issues for men, for women, for spouses and for parents. And so this…and then there’s other books…the resources are too so it’s not…it is basically trying to connect to people who need help with the people who provide the help and getting the community together. So purecommunity.org is the website.

Steve: Sounds cool. We’ll be sure to put a link on the show notes. So thanks again for your time John. I appreciate everything that you’re doing and keep up the good work.

John: Thanks.

Steve: Okay. See you.

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Smart Quote: Michael John Cusick

Belt of Truth Ministries.

Living Your Life under Grace

I’ve got a simple but important question for you today: How do you view God the moment after you fall?

The way you answer that question may expose more about your relationship with Him than you may realize.

Let me explain…

I used to feel immense shame every time I gave in to the temptation to look at porn. Instead of running to God to help me overcome my sin, I would pull away from Him and hide. I kept trying to fix my sinfulness on my own rather than running to God—my only hope of overcoming sin at all.

But now, because I am beginning to understand what it means to be under His grace, I know that God doesn’t turn His back on me when I fall. I know my sin will never separate me from Him again. Understanding this allows me to come before God with thankfulness rather than hiding behind my shame.

Now, instead of running away from God, I run to Him—all because of His grace.

These days, whenever I mess up, I respond by praying in this way:

Father, thank you that this sin doesn’t separate me from you.

Thank you that Jesus already paid for this sin on the cross.

Thank you that you love me in spite of my failures.

Thank you that you still see me as righteous and holy because of Christ inside of me.

Please give me your strength so that I may better resist temptations in the future.

I cannot do this without you. Thank you Father.

When you respond to your mistakes this way, it does two very important things:

It puts your focus back on God, allowing you recover through His power and not your own. When I was still trying to fix my own sin, my mind was constantly fixated on my sinfulness and all my failed attempts to overcome it, which only led to shame. Focusing on God’s power, however, leads to freedom.
It’s a major victory in spiritual warfare. Satan is no fool. If he sees your sin drawing you closer to God, he’s going to focus his efforts elsewhere. He’s not going to keep tempting you in the same area once he realizes it’s providing opportunities for you to grow closer to Christ.

Isn’t it amazing how having the right perspective can make such a huge impact in your journey to freedom? Based on how I’ve seen this play out in my life, I definitely think so.

The post Living Your Life under Grace appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Intentional Warriors: The Journey of Freedom is Wild

“There are Wild places within relationships that must be explored and where fierce strength is needed. Certainly, the Wild places where my addiction flourished were all internal places of my soul. But that did not make them any less a Wilderness than the deepest jungle or the peak of Mt. Everest.”

For the Church: How to Repent Without Really Repenting

“The religious man often deceives himself in his repentance. The believer may sin the worst of sins, it is true; but to remain in the love of sin, or to be comfortable in the atmosphere of sin, is a deadly sign, for only repenters inhabit heaven. The deceived repenter would be a worse sinner if he could, but society holds him back.”

XXXChurch: The 4 Secrets of Truly Free People

“Anyone who’s ever taken the step of admitting they’re an addict knows what it’s like to have this nagging feeling that true freedom isn’t attainable. But if you’re open, you’ll find that there are people out there screaming from the mountaintops that they have found freedom.”

Paul Tripp: Identity In Spirituality

“Brothers and sisters, could it be that although we’re heavily active in church, we’re doing it out of a sense of duty instead of with a willing, loving and worshipful heart? Might it be that in what we say we do for God, we actually do for ourselves and our own misplaced personal identity?”

Matt Chandler: A Word to the Men

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