Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 31

My Interview on the Covenant Eyes Podcast

I had the honor of being this week’s guest on the Covenant Eyes Podcast with Luke Gilkerson. We talked about a lot of topics that I think will be helpful and relevant for Belt of Truth readers:

Why I felt called to write a book on Porn Addiction
How most guys feel like they’re alone in their struggle, which is simply not true.
How God loves us even in the midst of our addiction and why believing that is the key to recovery.

Listen to the interview here

I also offer a coupon code (COVEYES) at the end of the interview that will get the first 100 people a free copy of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn on my bookstore.

If you’ve got any questions or comments related to the show, just hit me up in the comments below.

The post My Interview on the Covenant Eyes Podcast appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Pete Holmes

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Why Do People Continue to Do What They Know is Wrong When They Know it’s Hurting Them?

It’s the age-old question and it puzzled me for years: Why do people continue to do what they know is wrong when they know it’s hurting them?

There is a huge class of sin that falls in this category. The obvious one, given this venue, is pornography. But there are many others that fit the description as well:

Overeating
Failing to exercise
Drug and alcohol use
Failure to see a dentist

Most of these vices come with an immediate payoff in the form of self-gratification… or at least pain avoidance.

In Romans 6:19-23, the apostle Paul lays out the freedom from sin that is available to us through Jesus. He asks, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things which you are now ashamed of?” It’s a rhetorical question of course; there was indeed a benefit. It was pleasure—a completely positive experience, but a fleeting commodity.

But we also reaped guilt, shame, and fear… and these things, unlike pleasure, seem to persist.

In my own case, I mainly reaped fear—the bitter aftertaste of sin.

That secret I was hiding… why did I hide it?

Fear is the reason:

Fear of being caught
Fear of the embarrassment and shame
Fear of the consequences of my actions
Fear of ruin

We all know in our hearts that sin only leads to bad things, just as we know we rob ourselves of the benefits that accrue from making wise choices.

We also know what we need to do: drop the charade, own up to our failures, expose our sin, ask forgiveness, and repent.

But why don’t we do that?

Once again, it’s often fear that keeps us from experiencing the freedom from our sin that Paul promises us.

The Antidote to Fear

Faith is the first half of the antidote for fear. We must decide that God can be trusted; that he will forgive as fully as he promised.

The hardest part is often believing he loves us unconditionally. That is an amazing statement we hear so often that we don’t always appreciate the significance. But hear this: the God of creation, of galaxies and nebula, of microorganisms and subatomic particles, is head over heels in love with you.

I’m surprised that he even knows my name, yet I’m told he knows everything from the hair on my head to the things I have done. He knows I’ve seen porn and sneak a second serving of ice cream and he continues to love me anyway.

By trusting his love for us, we realize he has our best interests at heart. Fear begins to crumble as we embrace this truth. We start to believe that we can face the consequences of our sin knowing Jesus is with us.

The second half of the antidote is Grace: God’s work through Christ that nullifies our sin. Guilt and shame are easy targets for grace, gone in the blink of an eye. Maybe that’s why grace is so hard for us to accept. In human terms, we don’t merely forget an offense and act like it never happened. If you come to accept God’s grace though, that’s exactly what happens to all your offenses in the eyes of God… instantly.

Sin + Faith + Grace =  Life

Sin + Fear + Guilt + Shame =  Death

This is how faith and grace work together to simultaneously break the bonds of sin—and both are the free gift of God.

John Allen is a Life Coach and lives in Seattle. He works with entrepreneurs and emergent leaders to help them pursue their visions and live fuller, more meaningful lives. He has a special interest in Christians who struggle to turn over every part of their lives to Jesus, to go “all in.” You can find out more at www.allencouraging.com.

The post Why Do People Continue to Do What They Know is Wrong When They Know it’s Hurting Them? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Christianity Today: Keys to Preventing Adultery

“The Ashley Madison leak has exposed the private lives of thousands of customers, including some prominent leaders. Sadly, the church is not immune to sexual immorality and has seen, in the past year, some leaders step down due to unfaithfulness.”

Intentional Warriors: Managing Your Porn Habit?

“Back in the prime of my addiction, I used to come up with all sorts of ‘plans’ that I tried to employ in order to break free from pornography, lust, and compulsive masturbation. The result was predictable. The ‘plan’ always failed. Some lasted longer than others, but none of them worked.”

Tim Challies: The Curse of a Godly Wife

“Do you see what he has done? Somewhere along the way he has made his wife’s spiritual maturity a problem. He has entered into a kind of competition with her that has made her love for the Lord a liability. He has come to see her godliness as a curse rather than a blessing, as if he has been cursed with a godly wife.”

The Gospel Coalition: How to Repent

“The importance of repentance is hard to overstate. After all, Jesus’s first public exhortation was ‘Repent!’—and if it was that high on Jesus’s list, we probably should pay attention too. But how do we repent well? Psalm 32 is a wonderful place to explore the nature and process of deep repentance. Here are five vital steps.”

Pete Wilson: You Will Change

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DONE: You Have Been Given Assurance of Eternity in Heaven

And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory (Colossians 1:27).

Want to know the secret to never doubting your salvation?

It’s simple: The presence of Jesus living within you gives you assurance of sharing in God’s eternal glory. This means your salvation doesn’t depend on anything you do, or anything you don’t do. It’s all because of what Jesus has done for you.

This is great news because it means you can’t screw it up!

In order to fully grasp what this means though, we should look at the complete definition of assurance:

as·sur·ance [uh-shur-uhns]

noun

1. a positive declaration intended to give confidence.

2. promise or pledge; guaranty; surety.

3. full confidence; freedom from doubt; certainty.

The presence of Christ within you gives you confidence that your eternity will be spent living in glory. It’s a promise from God, guaranteed to never change, setting you free from any doubt or uncertainty regarding your salvation!

As long as you’re looking at salvation as a reward for you being a good person, you will always question whether you’re good enough. If, however, you trust the work of Jesus to earn salvation for you, you can have confident assurance of eternal life in Heaven.

This is why it’s so important to understand that your salvation is all about Jesus doing for you what you could never do for yourself.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Been Given Assurance of Eternity in Heaven appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: Michael Todd Wilson

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Michael Todd Wilson is a licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach.

Connect with Michael

Website: intentionalhearts.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IntentionalHearts

Twitter: @MT_Wilson

Books

Unburdened: The Christian Leader’s Path to Sexual Integrity

Preventing Ministry Failure: A ShepherdCare Guide for Pastors, Ministers and Other Caregiver

Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality

 

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

Steve: Hey, guys! I’m here with Michael Todd Wilson. Michael’s a licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach. Michael, thanks for joining us today.

Michael: You got it.

Steve: Yeah, I got a question for you I’ve been asking a bunch of folks and that’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction.

Michael: Well there are a lot of things that people can do. I think one of the most important things is to not be alone with it. Don’t be alone with the struggle. All of us need to be in a relationship. God created us to be in relationship. You go all the way back to Genesis when it says it’s not good for man to be alone. Yes, that’s about marriage. But more fundamentally, it’s about not being alone, exactly what it says. And so when we’re dealing with any kind of life dominating issue, including sexual addiction, the important thing is to not be alone. Now, for each person, that can be different okay. Not being alone might be to find a friend that you already have a relationship with but you haven’t really talked to them about this aspect of what you’re dealing with in your life. And it might be just take the risk of sharing with them or it might be to reach out to a counselor or coach, or a pastor that you have a relationship with or that you may want to create relationship with, and tell them because some people don’t have anybody they feel like they’re safe like a friend or someone who they know. But to reach out to somebody who is professional, whether it’s paid or not, to say, “Look I’ve got this problem. I need help.” There are recovery groups everywhere. There are 12-Step based recovery groups, there are Christian recovery groups. The important thing is, and don’t get overwhelmed by the fact that, “Well gosh, who should I tell?” or I have a couple of directions to go. It doesn’t matter. Whatever the path of least resistance is for you, take it. Any step to not be alone with it will help you. And in fact, here’s what I know from all the guys that I’ve worked with. You take a tiny step and you feel encouraged about it, you feel like you’re making some progress. Guess what you’re going to do. You’re going to leverage that to take another step. So don’t worry about the big steps you’re not ready to take yet. Just take the smaller. Any step will get you moving beyond the status quo to being able to take the next step of freedom. So it’s about community, it’s about one step at a time, it’s about being in a relationship, and it’s about being known. That’s probably the most important thing I can say.

Steve: I think that’s excellent advice. Thanks for sharing that.

Michael: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah. And Michael, tell people where they can find out more about you or your ministry online. Yeah, sure. I do recovery coaching. I had a counseling practice for about fifteen years. And about two years ago, I transitioned to everything just being virtual by phone and video conference so Michaeltoddwilson.com, easiest place to find my website. Information about the services that I provide including my coaching that I do. I’ve written two books, and my most recent book #3 will come out for Christian leaders on sexual integrity recovery from [inaudible 3:11] September.

Steve: Great! Well thanks again for your time and good luck in all your ministry endeavors.

Michael: You bet. Hey, thanks for what you did too!

Steve: Yeah, thank you!

The post My One Thing: Michael Todd Wilson appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Ray Ortlund

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Ray Ortlund appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Are You Viewing Recovery as an All-Star Game, or T-Ball?

I’m excited to announce that another post I wrote for xxxChurch.com went live this morning. If you aren’t familiar with xxxChurch, they’re the #1 site on the internet offering biblical help for those who struggle with porn addiction. I suggest you check out all the great resources they offer to help you on your journey to freedom. And, of course, check out my posts on their site as well.

When I showed up to my first recovery group, I expected it to be like the MLB All-Star game. I just knew the other guys there were going to be so far ahead of me on their journey that I wouldn’t even fit in. What I soon discovered, though, was recovery is a lot more like T-ball than the majors.

If you’ve never witnessed a T-Ball game, they’re super-fun. Imagine a bunch of four-year-olds with no idea of what they’re supposed to be doing swinging bats and running around aimlessly. It doesn’t matter whether little Billy ever hits the ball or not—everyone watching the game will still cheer him on as if he hit a grand slam.

Most of the time, half the kids don’t even pay attention to the game—they’re off chasing bugs or picking flowers—but their coach never stops encouraging them from the sidelines. If one of those kids somehow does pick up the ball and toss it back to the right spot, the entire crowd goes wild. “Billy just did something right!” It’s a small victory, but a meaningful one.

What if we shared the same level of enthusiasm for the little victories in our own lives?

Read the rest of this post at xxxChruch.com

The post Are You Viewing Recovery as an All-Star Game, or T-Ball? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

CovenantEyes: 8 Ways to Rebuild Trust with Your Wife

“When a woman discovers her husband has been watching porn behind her back, it can feel absolutely devastating. It is a traumatic discovery in the truest sense of the word—the wife undergoes terrible trauma. Men, if this describes your wife, what can you do to reassure her of your love and devotion, despite the fact that you haven’t gotten to the bottom of your pornographic obsession yet?”

Tim Chester: Don’t Give Up

“I wonder if there is a sin that you feel powerless to change. Maybe the temptation grows so strong who feel unable to resist. Maybe it creeps up and takes you by surprise so that before you know it you’ve reacted badly. You’ve committed this sin many times. You’ve tried changes many times. But you just feel struck.”

Dave Willis: 7 differences between healthy couples and unhealthy couples

“After observing the behaviors of couples from all over the world, I believe these seven indicators below are some of the clearest ways to measure the current health of your marriage and chart a clearer course towards a healthier and happier relationship.”

GoThereFor: Sexual immorality—My personal insights

“Married life was typical. It was filled with good times and hard times as the challenges of family set in. He was very open about seeking help and exploring new support groups, and so I thought he was progressing. So it came as a complete shock when he said, ‘There’s something I need to talk to you about. Yesterday I did something really bad.’”

Rosaria Butterfield: Sexuality and Identity

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DONE: You Have Been Rescued from Darkness

He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

There’s a recurring theme you may have noticed in many of the stories and movies we’ve grown up with. It’s the idea that life appears to be wonderful and happy, and then one day the character’s eyes are opened to an evil they’ve never noticed before.

We see this theme in the Lord of the Rings when the Hobbits go about their laid-back lives in the Shire completely unaware of the growing darkness surrounding them.

It’s the central element of most fairy tales: an innocent child/princess/critter finds themselves mixed up with an evil witch/wolf/giant and then suddenly singing sonnets with birds and squirrels has to take a back seat to survival.

We even see this theme in the great twentieth-century cinematic masterpiece, Dumb and Dumber, when Harry and Lloyd set off on a happy-go-lucky cross-country adventure completely oblivious that they’ve become wrapped up in a criminal hostage situation.

Inevitably, these stories all end with a triumphant rescue. Sauron and his armies are defeated and peace is restored when the true king returns to his throne. Snow White is awoken from her poison-induced slumber by the prince. The FBI shows up to arrest the bad guys just as Harry and Lloyd are about to be shot. Darkness is overcome, life can return to the way it should be, and the Hobbits can go back to eating second breakfast in peace.

Like most themes we see repeated throughout popular stories, this one appears so frequently because it speaks to what we all know on some level to be true: There is darkness in this world, and we need to be rescued from it.

Everywhere you look today you see pain and suffering. If you need a reminder of this fact, just turn on the evening news. It’s not hard to recognize how this world we live in truly is a kingdom of darkness. But it’s also important to realize that this world is not what you and I were created for. We were created to be with our God “in the Kingdom of His dear Son.” According to the apostle Paul, God has already rescued us from the kingdom darkness. He purchased our freedom and forgave our sins through the work of Jesus, clearing the way for us to be transferred to God’s Kingdom—the Kingdom we were created for.

I believe this transfer is one of the reasons the darkness in this world continues to break our hearts so deeply. Now that we are no longer part of that system, we have the ability to stand back and see it for what it truly is. This clarity of perspective has opened our eyes to the true source of the darkness—sin—and made us aware of how many people are still trapped by it. Knowing, however, that our eternity is secure in the Kingdom of God’s dear Son, we now have the freedom to be courageous as we aid in God’s continued rescue of those who remain lost. We may still be scarred by the darkness in this world, but it will never again enslave us. We, my friends, have been set free from that kingdom.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Been Rescued from Darkness appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.