Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 32
September 9, 2015
My One Thing: Mike Quarles
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”
Mike Quarles is the director of Grace Walk Recovery Ministries and author of multiple books on recovery, including Helping Others Overcome Addictions, which he co-authored with Steve McVey.
Connect with MikeWebsite: https://freedfrom.wordpress.com
Books
Helping Others Overcome Addictions
Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.
Transcript
Steve: Hey, guys! Steve here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got Mike Quarles on the line today. Mike is the director of Grace Walk Recovery Ministries and author of multiple books on recovery including Helping Others Overcome Addictions which he co-authored with Steve McVey. Mike, thanks for joining us. I’ll ask you what I’ve been asking a bunch of folks and that’s “What is the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with porn addiction?”
Mike: Well, the one piece of advice I would start with this, stop trying to do anything to overcome your addictions. Stop trying to quit. And the reason I say this is I struggled with alcoholism for eight long miserable nightmarish years and this was after I had graduated from Seminary and served in the Pastorate. And I’ve tried everything in the world. I mean just multitudes of everything’s anybody told me to do or I could find out to do. And then one morning, my wife had kind of kicked me out of the house and I was driving out-of-town to visit some friends, probably the last group of friends that would even have me. And I was listening to some tapes about Bill Gillum on Romans 6. I was driving alone just listening to it, actually with a hangover that day. And Gillum was saying, “Look,” he started off with the first verse of Romans 6, “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin.” And then Gillum says, “Look you’re dead to sin. I know you don’t feel like it. You don’t look like it. You don’t act like it but that’s the truth of what the fact is.” And actually, he went on to quote Romans 6 “For you have died and you’re freed from sin. And you’re dead too.” And the light came on for me at that time. Then I realized that there was nothing to do that it’d all been done through the finished work of Christ. I’d actually been a Christian for 18 years at that time and realized there was nothing to do but believe the truth. I didn’t have to do anything. For the first time, I really understood and believed Galatians 2:20 that the own self that I was has been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lived in me. You know there really is a secret and a mystery and a key to living the Christian life free from sin. And that mystery, that key is revealed to us by God. He says in Colossians 1:27 that “Christ in you is the secret mystery. Christ in you is the hope of glory.” You know for 27 years, I’ve been doing this recovery ministry and I’ve co-authored five books of freedom from addiction, and the truth of the matter is that I have never seen anybody find any freedom from any kind of addiction unless they believe Galatians 2:20. I mean it’s really as simple as that. It’s such a simple, basic truth we have. I’ve learned it, quoted it probably a thousand times but when the lights came on that day for me, I actually believed that truth, I was free from addiction, and have been for 27 years this year.
Steve: Yeah. I totally agree with you. It’s interesting you say that believing Galatians 2:20 is the key. And it just reminded me of something that I know. Neil Anderson and Steve McVey, the authors that you’ve co-write with, both of them I’ve heard say in their books, and this may have come from you that a lot of times you go wait until they feel something before they believe it and it doesn’t work that way. Faith is saying “I’m going to choose to believe that. I’m trusting that the feelings will come.” And I know that was my experience, and yeah, you choose to believe the word of God and then you start to experience it.
Mike: Well, you’ve touched on the major problem right there. Everybody is trying to get to the point where they feel like it. I mean I realized that day when I heard the truth that we’ve done the same thing we accused the liberals of doing of trying to abasing our theology on our feelings and our experiences. And of course, our feelings and our experiences tell us that we’re not dead to sin. But the word of God says we are the finished work of Christ and says we are in. The hardest thing in the world to do is really believe that. I mean to this day, I don’t feel like I’m dead to sin but I really know that I am. And it’s proved true in my life for the last 27 years that I’ve been free from addiction and had a relationship with the Lord that I never had before the first 18 years of my Christian life.
Steve: That’s awesome! Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Tell people where they can find out more about you and your ministry and all that online.
Mike: Okay. My website is Freedfrom.wordpress.com. And so they can find out we have many books and resources there that they can go to on the store on the website. And in fact, if anybody wants to call me, my cell phone is 404-2755122. I’m always glad to help anybody who wants to learn a little bit more about the truth that sets you free.
Steve: Okay. Well, I’ll be sure to put all that information, the show notes. You sure you want me to put your cell phone in the show notes as well?
Mike: That’s fine.
Steve: Okay. Well, you may get some calls from all over.
Mike: Alright.
Steve: Thanks again for your time, Mike. I really appreciate it and hopefully, I’ll talk to you soon!
Mike: Thank you, Steve!
Steve: Okay, see you!
The post My One Thing: Mike Quarles appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 8, 2015
Smart Quote: Jared C. Wilson
Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.
The post Smart Quote: Jared C. Wilson appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 7, 2015
Reader Q/A: Do Men Who Deal with Their Pain in a Healthy Way No Longer Need Porn?
Question: In April you wrote an article on the xxxchurch.com site about internet filters. You said “Porn addiction is not the result of easy access to porn. Porn addiction is the result of trying to medicate deep wounds in your heart (rejection, abandonment, shame, fear of intimacy).” I’ve heard this idea elsewhere, and it has a ring of truth. However, I can’t think of anything in the Bible to support this, and I’m not sure what other reliable research/philosophy would support it, either. It sounds like psychoanalysis, the cliché “I never felt my mother loved me” sort of thing, and I mistrust that. Do you have anything to back up your claim? In your experience, do men who deal with their pain in a healthy way no longer need porn? I’m not trying to be a smart-alec, I’m just wanting someone to substantiate this for me.
Do Men Who Deal with Their Pain in a Healthy Way No Longer Need Porn?
Absolutely. My personal experience has validated this in my own life, as well as walking with many other men who have struggled and found freedom.
As long as I was focusing on porn as the issue and trying to overcome that, it never worked. In fact, the repeated failures only dumped gasoline on the fires of my shame. The issue with me, was deep down I felt like a failure and that I wasn’t worthy to be loved because of that. I didn’t think my wife would love me, and I surely didn’t think God could love me. At least not as I was.
Once God began to show me that porn wasn’t my biggest issue, but that my feelings of shame and misunderstandings of His unconditional love for me were my issues, that’s when I began to find freedom. Once I started to understand how God loved me even in my broken and messed up state, that’s when my heart began to be satisfied for the first time. The longing to be loved and accepted that I was trying to satisfy through the lie of porn went away, because they were being satisfied by God’s love instead.
It’s the same thing we see with the woman at the well in the John 4. She clearly had a “thirst” for intimacy that she was trying to meet through multiple relationships with men. Jesus used the analogy of her thirst for water to help her see that she was drawing from the wrong well. And what did he say was the solution? Did He tell her to stop sleeping around? No, He told her that He was the water of life that would satisfy her thirst permanently. He focused on finding a lasting solution to what was driving her desire, not the desire itself. He knew that was the only thing that would lead to lasting behavior change in this woman.
John Piper does a great job explaining this concept this short video: The Passions that Prevent Adultery
I appreciate your questioning and think it’s a healthy thing to test any claim you hear against Scripture. I do encourage you, however, to also be willing to ask yourself if you’re truly seeking clarification, or if you’re only looking for an excuse to not allow God into the deepest hurts in your life? I only ask because that was exactly what I was doing for quite some time. I knew God wanted to meet me in my deepest shame so that He could heal those places in me, but I kept looking for “Biblical” excuses not to go there.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any additional questions.
—Stephen
The post Reader Q/A: Do Men Who Deal with Their Pain in a Healthy Way No Longer Need Porn? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 5, 2015
Weekly Web (W)roundup
Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.
People of the Second Chance: Do Ashley Madison Cheaters Deserve Forgiveness?
“What if for a moment we turned the finger around and called ourselves out? What if we realized the real story here is about truth instead of condemnation? What if we found it within ourselves to give every individual who had an Ashley Madison account a second chance? What would happen if we stopped talking about hackers, and cheaters, and sexual fantasies and talked about the importance of forgiveness?”
And Sons Magazine: The Creator of Everything I Love
“Uncovering and understanding the personality of God is, fortunately, not something we’ve been left to figure out on our own. There are those who have gone before us, saints and wise minds that can discern more of the puzzle than I can (for which I am grateful). But they aren’t all we have. In fact, they aren’t even among the most helpful guides given to us.”
Restoring the Soul: Six Broken Promises Behind Every Porn Addiction, Part 5
“If you don’t have something in your life that regularly inspires adventure, risk, and passion, beware. Because if you don’t, you will seek the counterfeit.”
Gary Thomas: The Only Woman in the World
“If you want to be fully satisfied in your marriage, treat your wife like Eve. Let her be, in your mind, the only woman in the world.”
John Piper: The Passions That Prevent Adultery
The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 3, 2015
DONE: You Have Received All the Riches You Need
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
Isn’t it fun to daydream about what you would do if you won the lottery?
Every time I drive by one of those billboards advertising the current multi-million-dollar jackpot, I definitely give it some thought. I’d like to think that I’d give most of the money away and use it to bless others, but I know I’d spend at least some of it on myself. For example, I’d sign up to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, I’d order an Electric DeLorean, and I’d buy the giant marquee sign from the Kuhn Theater in Lebanon, Oregon (after all, that is my last name).
Do you realize though, that the moment you trusted Christ you already won the lottery? Actually, what you received far exceeds any earthly payout of riches, because your riches in Christ are all based in heaven. Unlike the riches of this life that will rot away (I can’t take my DeLorean to heaven, for example), these riches are eternal.
God has promised that His riches will meet all of your needs—every last one of them. If you trust God to keep His word in this area and allow that truth to penetrate your heart, it will save you untold amounts of worrying.
Now, I’m not saying God is a big slot-machine who wants to make you rich and famous. His promise is to meet your needs, not your wants. I wish the Bible promised me a DeLorean, but I just can’t find that verse in there no matter how hard I try. Probably because I don’t actually need a DeLorean. In fact, earthly riches can be quite effective at keeping you distracted from what you truly do need. Just ask the rich man from the Lazarus parable.
What I truly need—what we all need—is Jesus.
And if that need isn’t met, nothing else matters.
This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.
The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.
The post DONE: You Have Received All the Riches You Need appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 2, 2015
My One Thing: Darrell Brazell
to someone struggling with porn addiction?”
Darrell Brazell is the Pastor of New Hope Fellowship, Director of New Hope Recovery Ministries, and author of the New Hope For Sexual Integrity recovery manual for men.
Connect with Darrell:Website: www.newhope4si.com
Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.
Transcript
Coming soon…
The post My One Thing: Darrell Brazell appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
September 1, 2015
Smart Quote: Julian of Norwich
Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.
The post Smart Quote: Julian of Norwich appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
August 31, 2015
Apparently I’m giving all my books away for free these days.
Apparently I just can’t help but give my books away, which is why you can download 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn from Amazon for FREE through September 6th!
Even if pornography isn’t something you personally struggle with, I still think you’ll find many helpful concepts in this book to apply to your own personal battles. Ultimately, 10 Lies will help you discover that the message of the gospel isn’t about learning to fight better—it’s about no longer needing to fight at all.
The post Apparently I’m giving all my books away for free these days. appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
August 29, 2015
Weekly Web (W)roundup
Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.
XXXChurch: The Only Thing That Still Surprises Me
“I’m not surprised that Josh Duggar had an Ashley Madison account. I’m also not surprised that his admission of that only came after it was exposed online, and that it included a plea for prayer for his wife and family… I’ve been watching this kind of news break for years, and it’s stopped shocking me.”
Intentional Warriors: I Am Ashley Madison
“The point is, i didn’t need Ashley Madison to live an adulterous life. Nobody does. The fact that i didn’t have an account doesn’t make me any better than the men (or women) who did.”
CovenantEyes: 3 Essential Ways to Help Your Wife Trust You Again
“You’re probably thinking, ‘Is it ever possible to earn her trust again?’ Especially after she said, ‘How can I ever trust you again?!’ Well, I’ll tell you it is possible. But—and it is a big but—it depends greatly on you. It’s not easy and it’s not going to happen overnight.”
Dave Willis: The high cost of a double-life in marriage
“I’m not writing this post to beat up on the people whose names were just released (I’m sure they’re getting plenty of that already). I’m writing this to plead with YOU (and to remind MYSELF) that we need to honor our marriages in our public lives AND our private lives too. There’s no place for secrets in marriage. Your marriage needs to be built on a sacred trust, an honest transparency and a rock-solid commitment to one another.”
Pastor Bob: Don’t Give Up
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August 27, 2015
DONE: You Can Now Do Everything God Calls You to Do
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
I used to be a distance runner…at least until my knees blew up.
Whenever I felt like stopping before I reached the end of a run, I’d think about this verse and push forward. After all, the verse says that I can everything, surely that must mean I can finish a ten-mile run.
If you approach the verse with that logic though, it can get a bit silly.
If a ten-mile run qualifies, wouldn’t a 1000-mile run also fall under the category of everything?
Does the power of Christ within my skinny, 170-pound body empower me to be an NFL lineman?
Can I join the professional bull riders’ circuit with no prior experience?
See what I mean? Silly.
When you read this verse in context though, you realize that the Apostle Paul is actually talking about enduring the difficulties that can come from following Christ. He’s telling us that we can trust God to give us the strength to handle everything He calls us to do—even when faced with opposition.
No, the power of Christ within you probably won’t enable you to bench press a Buick, but it will enable you to offer love to your enemies
…to forgive those who persecute you
…to give joyfully and sacrificially
…to trust God with your entire life.
After all, none of us are capable of doing any of those things on our own.
But remember, God never expected you to do them on your own. He intends for you to do them by trusting the power of Christ, which you were given the moment you believed.
This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ. The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase one on Amazon.
The post DONE: You Can Now Do Everything God Calls You to Do appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.
