Tez Brooks's Blog: TezBrooks.com, page 5
January 26, 2023
How To Decide Between Helicopter vs. Free-Range Parenting
As parents see their children grow to leave the nest, they often start second-guessing themselves, wondering if they parented right. Especially if their young adult appears to be struggling to live on their own. Exploring two parenting styles helps us better understand the pros and cons of each.
Hands-Off Parenting
Free-range parenting is a style that emphasizes giving children independence and autonomy, allowing them to explore the world and learn through experience. It can affect kids as they become young adults in several ways:
Increased independence: Free-range parenting can help children develop a sense of independence and self-reliance, which can be beneficial as they transition into adulthood. They are able to make decisions and solve problems on their own.Stronger problem-solving skills: a hands-off style allows children to make mistakes and learn from them, which can help them develop strong problem-solving skills.Greater confidence: Children who are given autonomy and independence may develop greater confidence in their abilities and feel more capable of handling new challenges.Greater sense of responsibility: Kids who are given more freedom may develop a greater sense of responsibility for their actions as an adult and the consequences that come with them.More resilience: Kids that can explore and try new things may become more resilient in the face of failure and setbacks. They are likely to be more comfortable with taking risks and facing new challenges.Better judgment: Free-range parenting may help young adults develop better judgment and decision-making skills. They learn to take responsibility for their actions and to evaluate the risks and benefits of their choices.
What negative outcomes result?
While free-range parenting can have many positive benefits, there are also some potential negative outcomes that may result, such as:
Increased risk-taking behavior: Children who are given more freedom and autonomy may be more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use or reckless driving.Difficulty following rules: Kids who are not used to having set boundaries and rules may have a harder time following them, which can lead to problems with authority figures or in educational or professional settings.Lack of structure: free-range kids don’t have set routines and schedules and may have a harder time adjusting to the structure and discipline required in educational, professional, and other adult settings.Difficulty with communication: Children who are not used to discussing their thoughts and feelings with their parents may have a harder time communicating with others and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships.Difficulty with self-regulation: They may have difficulty regulating their emotions and impulses, which can lead to problems with self-control and decision-making.Difficulty with academics: Teens who are not given enough direction and structure may struggle to focus on their studies and may find it hard to complete homework and other academic assignments.It’s important to note that free-range parenting does not mean neglecting children or leaving them without guidance or boundaries. It’s about finding a balance between giving children the freedom to learn and grow independently and providing them with the guidance, support, and protection they need to be safe and healthy. Parents should be aware of the potential negative outcomes and take steps to mitigate them while still allowing their children to have their own experiences.
Helicopter Parenting
Overparenting can cause young adults to fail in a number of ways, causing young adults to boomerang back home. Here are a few:
Lack of independence: Helicopter parents often do too much for their children, preventing them from learning how to do things on their own. This can make it difficult for young adults to make decisions, solve problems, and take responsibility for their actions.Difficulty handling failure: Parents often shield their children from failure, which can make it difficult for young adults to handle disappointment and setbacks when they inevitably occur. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.Difficulty with self-regulation: Over-protective moms and dads often do not allow their children to experience the natural consequences of their actions. This can make it difficult for young adults to learn self-regulation and self-discipline.Difficulty with self-motivation: Helicopter parents often do things for their children that they can do themselves. This can make it difficult for young adults to develop self-motivation and initiative.Difficulty with managing stress: mothers in particular, often shield their children from stress and pressure, which can make it difficult for young adults to manage stress when they are faced with it.Difficulty with resilience: Hovering parents often shield their children from facing challenges and difficulties, which can make it difficult for young adults to develop resilience and the ability to cope with adversity.How Hovering Helps
Helicopter parenting is not always bad, but it can be harmful when it becomes excessive and doesn’t allow for the child to learn and grow on their own. In fact, here are some very valuable outcomes:
Improved academic performance: Parents often monitor their children’s academic progress closely and provide extra support when needed. This can help children achieve better grades and test scores.Greater emotional support: Helicopter parents often provide their children with a great deal of emotional support and encouragement. This can help teens and young adults feel more secure and confident.Greater sense of responsibility: Helicopter parents often hold their children accountable for their actions and help them learn to take responsibility for their mistakes. This can help children develop a strong sense of responsibility and integrity.Increased structure: mothers and fathers who hover often provide their children with structure and routine, which can help young people feel more secure and stable.Greater sense of belonging: A close-knit family usually means more involvement, which helps your young adult feel more connected and supported.The Dance
Ultimately a good balance of the two parenting styles produced the best results. Knowing when to hover and when to back off is a dance all parents must learn in order to produce healthy young adults who can survive in this world.
Regardless of how they are raised, all young people struggle with adulting at first. There is a huge learning curve when launching out on their own. The following simple tips can help set them up for success:
Create a budget and stick to it. This will help you manage your finances and avoid overspending.2. Make a plan for saving money. Set financial goals for yourself and create a plan for how you will reach them.
3. Get to know your neighbors and make connections in your community. This will help you feel more connected and supported in your new environment.
4. Be responsible and take care of your living space. Clean and maintain your home, and be respectful of your landlord or roommates.
5. Be open to new experiences and try new things. Living on your own is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person.
6. Take care of your physical and mental health. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and seek support if you need it.
7. Learn to cook and meal prep. Eating out or ordering food can get expensive quickly.
8. If possible, find a part-time or full-time job. It will give you independence and help you save money.
9. Communicate with your parents, friends, and family. They can be a valuable source of support and advice.
10. Lastly, remember to enjoy the experience and make good memories.
If you would like to read more tips for adulting in today’s world, Tez is finishing up his book for young adult Christians, Adult-O-Nomics: 500 Truths, Techniques, and Tips for Launching Successfully. Coming soon!
Related Posts:How Do I Raise an Independent Dependent?Will Your Kids Just Survive, or Thrive?Abandonment IssuesDo You Feel Lost as a Single Parent?How Are You Protecting Your Teen Daughter from…
January 21, 2023
How Are You Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Heartbreak?
A few days ago, a DJ on the radio said his teen daughter just experienced her first heartbreak over a guy at school who dumped her for another girl. He tells the other radio host, “So we’re giving her some space.”
I wanted to call into the program. There was so much wrong with this situation—where to start? I was shocked that this dad’s response was so casual and nonchalant. There were a million questions I wanted to ask this dad:
“Did you make an effort to meet this boy?”“Did you talk with her about getting your blessing before letting a guy capture her young heart?”“What are the ways you attempted to protect her heart from becoming defrauded like this?”“Since a lot can be learned from his family life, were efforts made to meet the boy’s parents?”“Have you considered protecting your daughter from casual romances until she’s ready for marriage?”As homeschoolers, we don’t have to worry about my daughters spending six hours a day at school with a boy. They knew any boy with romantic interests must first spend time with us as a family and ask my permission before trying to win my daughter’s affection. This allows us to interact with the boy and get to know him. Building a relationship with the boy helps us ask important questions during casual conversations, questions our daughters may be too naive to ask. Knowing the boy and his parents over several months helps us trust him enough to be alone with our girl one day.
I was sad for this DJ’s daughter, wondering what this boy was trying to accomplish. Did he have any business wooing someone’s daughter if he couldn’t yet afford to love her unconditionally, marry her, and support her? Was it ok for him to merely enjoy the fun of romancing a girl with no need to be a man? Because fun without responsibility doesn’t make responsibility very appealing, does it? A boy that age can’t even follow through on any promises he might have made to love this girl. But isn’t this what we teach our boys; to practice for marriage for several years, using girls and leaving a trail of broken and defrauded hearts until they want to settle down?
I’ve never been one to embrace societal norms without questioning the why. Some of my house rules are unusual, so I don’t share them unless people ask. Besides, I have no idea if my plans to protect my girls will work in the end. I’ve seen a lot of kids rebel as young adults. So, I don’t want to come across like I have the perfect plan, then eat crow later. But at least we’ve diligently protected our kids during their most vulnerable years. How they respond to that foundation as adults is their choice.
I know my daughters may not embrace my convictions about dating. Some of my older kids haven’t, and it has caused them much heartache. They have ignored my advice, stepped out from under my protective care, and had relationships independent of my involvement. It didn’t go well. But it may not have gone well anyway, even f they followed my advice.
So, let’s hear from other dads out there. How do you protect your daughter’s heart? Which camp do you find yourself more comfortable in societal norms, counter-cultural ideas, or somewhere in between?
January 4, 2023
50 Authors You Should Know (including Tez?)
I’m humbled and honored to be mentioned as one of the authors in this article from Christianity.com
Related Posts:Dirty Little SecretProtecting Your GiftServicesPRESS RELEASEBooks/Resources
January 2, 2023
New Pressure For A New Year
So what’s it gonna be? What new leaf are you planning to turn over?
Mine is a manuscript. I want to finish my 4th book (working title…”Pre-Launching: How to Prepare Your Teen for Successful Adulting”)
My agent is anxious to see the first few chapters and that has me both excited and nervous. Afraid of failure or rejection.
What if this book isn’t good enough? What if my agent can’t find an interested publishing house when he tries to pitch the idea? 
It’s enough to make me give up. After all, I’m not a great parent. I fail all the time. What do I possibly have to offer? Add in another dozen or so self-defeating comments and I’m ready to call it a day.
Ever feel like that? Especially when it comes to New Year’s resolutions?
Our resolutions for parenting are the worst. I’m gonna be more understanding. I’m gonna yell less. I’m gonna be more involved at their school. Cook healthier dinners. Start a family Bible study. The list goes on.
It’s funny. I have no problem accepting grace from God when I need it (which is pretty often). But I can’t seem to give it to myself. Why is that?
I think it comes from a belief that people are bigger than they are. That somehow, what they think of me is so important that I forget to care what God thinks of me. In essence, people are big and God is small.
Yikes! Sorry, God.
In reality, if we are his children, He thinks you and I are pretty awesome. He views us through rose-colored glasses.
Does this mean we should stop trying to improve ourselves? Of course not, especially when it comes to walking closer to God.
But accepting who we are and how God made us is important. God created you to be the perfect parent for your child(ren). He paired you up with your kids because you’d be perfect together as a family. Sure we’re gonna fail as parents from time to time. Sure we could use a few New Year’s resolutions when it comes to parenting.
But I’m learning not to base my proposed improvements on what I think society wants me to be. Rather, I want to be all that God created me to be and desires of me. Flaws and all. 
There’s a lot of new pressure for a new year. But Philippians 3:12 reminds me, “I don’t mean to say I’m perfect. I haven’t learned all I should even yet. But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be. ” (Living Bible)
How about you? What areas do you struggle with when it comes to other’s opinions of you as a parent? How do you navigate through that? Share with us in the comments.
November 26, 2022
November 11, 2022
Why Every Author Needs To Make Encouraging Writing Friends
Have you ever been discouraged as an indie author? I need encouragement and have often struggled with finding the right friends. Over the years, I have learned that having writing friends who are encouraging are paramount to an author’s success.
Read more of my article featured at Christian Indy Publishing Association (CIPA).
Related Posts:TestimonialProtecting Your GiftAboutWhat I'm Working On CurrentlyFinding My GenreOctober 24, 2022
I Dare Ya!
Listen to Tez’s latest 90-second challenge!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/110kS19mLJB0t_ELsO4wRmUE8GSVUKqGT/view?usp=sharing
October 20, 2022
Florida Christian Writer’s Conference
I’m serving as faculty this week at a conference in Leesburg, FL. So fun spending time with all my writing peeps from my 35 years in central Florida.
One of the highlights was sitting in a continuing class with my editor and longtime friend, Leslie Santamaria who taught us how to write for children. Yes, this is a new genre for me that I am exploring.
Related Posts:What I'm Working On Currently10 Easy Tips for Finishing Your ManuscriptPress Kit and BookingTestimonialPRESS RELEASE
October 11, 2022
10 Easy Tips for Finishing Your Manuscript
2. Create what I call a “parking lot” where you store all the ideas, quotes, or other stories that don’t fit anywhere else. Go back to it regularly to see if you have found a place for them. If not, don’t use them. Maybe they are for another book altogether.
3. Try creating an outline, so you aren’t flying by the seat of your pants (i.e. a pantser). Getting organized may be exactly what you need to focus on each chapter’s topic.
4. Buy some sticky notes and a tri-fold science project board. Use them to organize and re-organize your manuscript by writing ideas on notes and moving them around when you realize a story works better in a different chapter or section.
5. Research, take polls using Facebook or SurveyMonkey. Interview people. Information collected from these resources make your book richer while you become an expert on the topic.
6. How is your writing environment? Create a place where you can be productive. Make sure the lighting and temperature is comfy, and your desk/chair is erognomically correct. Is the view from the window inspiring or distracting? Ideally, your writing nook should have a door you can close, to keep others from disturbing you.
7. Turn off your notifications on your phone and laptop. Commit to writing a certain word count each day.
8. Read more and watch TV less. Reading in your genre makes you a better writer. Watching movies is not nearly as productive unless you are writing a screenplay.
9. Join a writer’s group or attend a writer’s conference to learn your craft. Critiques from other writers provides much more honest and educated feedback than critiques from non-writers.
10. Create a One Sheet and proposal–even if you plan to self-publish. These documents help keep you focused and organized on the right thing…your audience. One Sheets and proposals force you to ask, “What’s in it for the reader?”
There’s no such thing as writer’s block. That’s a ridiculous myth some newspaper columnist made up as an excuse to his editor for being lazy. There are twenty more things you can do to become more productive in writing that book, but for now, implement these ideas and watch what happens. Now go write!
Related Posts:How To Make An Advent Calendar Your Kids LoveWill Your Kids Just Survive, or Thrive?Advice from a Single DadSunset is Quickly ApproachingYour FREE ResourceOctober 4, 2022
Getting to Know The Author
In a recent interview, the host asked me some of these unique questions that I thought were fun enough to pass on to readers…enjoy.
What kind of writing do I do?
Mostly non-fiction, but I’m diving into fiction too. I’ve authored or co-authored fourteen books. I’m currently working on a survival guide for young adults just leaving home.
What about me might surprise you?
Many folks think I’m just a big teddy bear, but I used to work as a sergeant at a maximum-security prison. I don’t talk much about it but I have a lot of stories. And I’m pretty good with a gun. Oh, and one time I ate a rat and a tarantula….but that wasn’t while working at the prison. It was on a mission trip.
What’s my favorite book on writing?
Currently, Save the Cat: The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need (Blake Snyder). He writes down to earth rather than academically. I love what I’m learning.
Do I have a favorite or signature Bible verse?
Phil 3:12 “I don’t mean to say I am perfect. I haven’t learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward the day when I will finally everything he saved me for and wants me to be.”
What is my least favorite chore?
Weeds. So much work with no lasting reward. They are back in a week. So fruitless.
What is my writing routine?
You’re funny.
What do I do when I’m not writing?
I watch movies and think about how I should be writing instead of being a coach potato. I also work as the Director of Journalism for a mission organization where I get the privilege of traveling the world to collect stories of changed lives.
Am I a night or morning person?
Mornings for sure. I spring out of bed happy to be alive. It’s very annoying to my family.
When I was little, what did I want to grow up to be?
Wait, when did I grow up?
What is my favorite smell? Sight? Sound?
Okay don’t laugh. Even though I don’t smoke I love the smell of a freshly lit cigarette outside. Not inside, that’s awful—but outside in the open air on a crisp fall day. It smells great to me…that and car exhaust. I know, I need counseling.
Favorite sight? Probably the Rocky Mountains and surrounding area. It never gets old. I live in Colorado and every morning it’s a gluttony for the eyes.
My favorite sound is Australian songbirds. As a missionary, I used to live near in Melbourne, Victoria and I so miss waking up to the sound of cockatoos, lorikeets, lyrebirds, and kookaburras greeting the day.
The best part of waking up is…
Jesus and coffee, and not necessarily in that order.
Related Posts:How Are You Protecting Your Teen Daughter from…What I'm Working On CurrentlyAboutTestimonialHelplessness: An Excerpt from "Debriefing"
