Kern Carter's Blog, page 126
February 18, 2021
Perseverance Prepared Me For My Purpose
My journey back to creating
I was seventeen and around everyone I shouldn’t be around. The perception was that I had it all figured out because of my confidence. Whenever I was in doubt, I went back to what I knew. Although I was ageing, I stopped advancing intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. I put all of that growth aside and I filled it with validation from things and people that didn’t matter.
I took the easy way out and got a job because it was admirable. I didn’t even try and go for the best job or the highest paying job. I went with what was guaranteed because I was afraid of failure. I should have gone back to school and challenged myself to reach my full potential, but instead, I added limitations by focusing more on what was guaranteed instead of the possibilities.
At the time, the fastest legal way I knew how to make money was through sales. My days were long and full of rebuttals. I loved what large sums of money could do for my small family and me. Even though we didn’t have a lot, you couldn’t tell by the clothes we wore. With the clothes I could afford and retail work, I learned how to look wealthy without being wealthy. I developed a passion for fashion. I took pride in styling the women I dated and the compliments they got. Then I met my future wife, who saw my potential and pushed me to go to school. Even with our second child on the way, she was committed to supporting me while I went back to school by holding down all the bills.
During my last year of college, I decided to apply everything that I learned in college and my retail experience to turn it into a blog. I didn’t want to forget what I was learning. I was doing photoshoots and working with influencers to increase traffic on my site. Local publications were writing about me. The validation I was getting from outside sources felt good, but it wasn’t making any money. I decided to hire different bloggers. I compensated them with clothes and gave them a platform to showcase their talents and opinions. Then an opportunity to work on a tv show as a wardrobe stylist came, and I took it. I couldn’t balance managing my team, working full-time and doing the tv show.
I thanked the team for their support but explained that I couldn’t keep up with my workload and disbanded the group. The blog eventually was left to just social media. The posts got fewer, and the fights with the girlfriend increased. Feeling burnout, I decided to give up blogging and content creation for wardrobe tv styling and an office job.
I thought I was making the right decision, but then the office job restructured, and I was out of work again. I noticed a pattern with the jobs I took. They didn’t fulfill me. Before I ran out of severance, an opportunity to work at a glass plant came up. On paper, this job was great, and it had all the bells and whistles. It provided union protection, competitive wages, pension and benefits, but I was just going to be making someone else richer at the end of the day. I was trading my time, my dignity and my fear of failure for the comfort of what this job had to offer.
In my first month, I lost a close friend, who died in a motorcycle accident. His death hit hard. I was still on probation. I couldn’t take time off to grieve. I went to the funeral during the day and worked the same night. It was one of the most challenging days I had that year. Then my grandfather died. Overwhelmed by my emotions and responsibilities, I decided to give up writing and creating altogether. I didn’t realize I was losing an outlet to express myself, and that grief I couldn’t process would eventually turn into despair. I felt all I could do was work; there was no room for anything else. I was still a father of three, a boyfriend and co-parenting with an ex where boundaries still needed to be established. I felt like I only existed to provide for my kids and appease their mothers.
I didn’t have anything that was making me happy. I was trying to find joy in my responsibilities, but they were causing me stress. Then the noise of what other people thought started to bother me. It started getting louder. I’ve never thought of myself as a victim, but I felt the need to tell my side of the story. I began writing reenactments of my experiences but with lessons at the end of them, and they later turned into scripts. My whole purpose of writing them down was to help process what I was feeling. When I realized how much of it was my fault and could have avoided it, I developed a purpose for breaking this repeated cycle that I saw in my community.
My friends and family would always reach out to me for counsel when fighting with their partners. In between counselling them at work or over the phone, I started publishing the advice that I would give to them, and I would use social media to maximize the awareness. I felt Black men had a bad reputation. I thought to myself, “If I could share how much influence women have and how they contribute to the cycle, maybe I could make a change.” It’s always hurt people hurting people.
The articles were a success, but I didn’t want to limit my experiences to a few hundred words on a page. I wanted to create a body of work that could be a manual for men who lack relationship intelligence and have low self-esteem. I decided that I wanted to write a book, but I didn’t know the first thing about writing a book so, I hit up my old friend, turn mentor, Pauleanna Reid, for guidance. Then everything started falling into place. I started getting the support that I needed to reach my purpose. Now with my resignation from the plant, I now have the time to focus entirely on being a writer, content producer and mental health advocate and no longer will I allow the fear of failure to get in the way of my potential. I look at all obstacles as a learning experience and preparation for my next big blessing.
Perseverance Prepared Me For My Purpose was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
February 16, 2021
February 14, 2021
Why I Picked Up The Paintbrush Again After 30 Years?
In life I learned it too fast to give wings to my dreams and painting made that happen for me.
February 13, 2021
Paintbrushes and Protests — Another Week on CRY
CRY takes pride in being a global magazine, so when Gurpreet Dhariwal presented the idea of writing about the farmers' protests in India, we were all for it. Gurpreet found a way to connect the story to culture and it made sense for CRY to publish.
Rihanna’s Tweet About the Farmers’ Protests Awakened the Indian Government
Writer Casira Copes wrote about the confusion of settling on a creative title. As writers and artists and designers, we can limit ourselves to be any of those things but struggle if we have all of those talents. Casira articulates this beautifully in her piece titled Caught Between a Pen and a Paintbrush.
Caught Between a Pen and a Paintbrush
Finally, I talk about how much I love the way creatives are doing business these days. I use Zendaya and Joe Budden as examples, but also bring it back to my personal dealings with creatives.
I love the way creatives are doing business
We have another big week coming up on CRY. Enjoy the weekend and look out for our first post coming on Monday.
Oh, and don’t forget to follow us on IG @wecrydeep
Paintbrushes and Protests — Another Week on CRY was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
February 12, 2021
I love the way creatives are doing business
Joe Budden, Zendaya and other creators doing business the way it should be done.
February 10, 2021
This Cracked Rock
On these days when the sun hides before I lift my head from my laptop.
February 9, 2021
The Sunset of Sound Sleep
A very short story of forced abortion through the eyes of a haiku poem
February 8, 2021
Call for submissions — when did you fall in love with writing?
Not everyone can have a valentine’s, but we can all remember that feeling of falling in love with words.
I wrote my first book in third grade. I was 8 years old and the story was called The Battle. My mom promises she still has it somewhere, though she’s yet to produce a copy.
All that to say that I’ve loved writing for a long time. I don’t remember a time not loving words. But this is all about you, so tell us when you first knew that you were called to be a writer.
Same rules as always:If you’re already a writer for CRY, go ahead and submit.If you’re not a writer for CRY but would like to submit to this request, let us know and we’ll add you ASAP.Be as creative as you want in your submissions. As long as you stick to the topic, we’ll consider it.Just because you submit doesn’t mean we’ll post. If you haven’t heard back from us in three days, consider that a pass.Deadline to submit is this Friday, February 12.Please reach out if you have any questions at all. If you are new to Medium, here’s how you submit a draft to a publication.
Call for submissions — when did you fall in love with writing? was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
