Kern Carter's Blog, page 124
March 15, 2021
Straight Guys Can Dress Well And Not Be Gay
Image by MATTHIAS VRIENS-MCGRATHCRY Magazine | IdentityToxic Masculinity In RetailWhen I first started working in retail I didn’t think my masculinity would have been questioned. After all, I was working inside a store that served both genders. I loved fashion and I loved to style. Dressing people up and having them look good was like art to me but it was considered a feminine trait. Having any feminine trait is a young heterosexual man’s worst nightmare. We didn’t make a commission but I aspired to be the best in everything that I did and with my previous sales experience I wanted to apply my past success to my present job.
My girlfriend at the time had cheated on me with her ex, and before her affair, we weren’t having much sex due to postpartum depression. I was feeling insecure and rejected because in my eyes something was wrong with me or I was doing something wrong. I didn’t understand how postpartum depression could be a result of her lower sex drive and even lower self-esteem. I was only thinking about what she was like before the pregnancy and eager to pick up where we left off. I was unaware of what was happening in the present with her mentally. During this time, we had an off-period where I was single and wanted to mingle. I thought with the number of women I saw each day at work it should be no problem for me to hook up with anyone.
It didn’t matter how attractive I was because women didn’t see me as masculine enough. I would be put in the friendzone for not living up to the stereotypes that came from my community. There was nothing dark and handsome about khakis and polo shirts in retail. No one has fantasies about the Black guy in customer service that is friendly and polite. Having a positive attitude and smiling only makes you vulnerable to attacks against your masculinity. The more threatening and unapproachable you look the more masculine you were.
I look to GQ magazine for inspiration on how I can follow the dress code while maintaining my masculinity. Most of my customers were women and from being raised by women it was easy for me to connect and make appropriate suggestions based on their style preference. When styling men it was much harder. A man’s sexuality would often be questioned if he paid too much attention to his appearance. Combine that with being attractive and it was a recipe for homosexuality to the ignorant. Girls would tell me that I resembled Carlton Banks but I wanted to remind them of Will Smith.
Luckily for me, GQ had done a spread with a few athletes, actors, and rappers that I had admired. I saw outfits that I could see myself wearing but I couldn’t afford to spend those designer prices. The Banana Republic had a couple of pieces in some of the looks that interested me. Then I remembered the discount I got from my employer being affiliated with them. I chose only to invest in jackets, shirts, and sweaters because you couldn’t tell the difference in the way jeans looked unless you looked at the stitching on the pockets. I was on a budget and BR was not cheap.
A few well-coordinated looks later, that I had mixed with items from the Banana Republic and Old Navy started giving me the attention I wanted from the women I wanted. I became more popular and my invites to after-work hangs increased. I was no longer in the friendzone. My theory worked. I was back to being the Will Smith. Carlton was funny but he just wasn’t cool with the ladies.
Now all I had to do was increase my sales with men. I noticed the celebrities in the magazines, and retail posters were the guys photographed with pretty women. After seeing what I could do on my own in a fitting room one on one with customers. My management team allowed me more creative freedom when dressing the mannequins and proving my theory. Our sales increased by twenty percent. It was at the cost of toxic masculinity but the numbers don’t lie. My mannequins and outfits got the attention of wives and girlfriends and earned the respect and the sales of their husbands and boyfriends.
With my experience, this ideology creates a bias when trying to create and limits your potential. With time I’ve learned that with almost 8 billion people in the world you’re not going to please everybody but it’s much freer to be yourself and it’s more fun to create without limits.
Straight Guys Can Dress Well And Not Be Gay was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Meeting “Mr. No” at the Door
The fear of rejection is a powerful. It has a far-reaching impact on our lives.
Real Life, Real Stories, with a Deeper Connection
Love & Literature by CRY MagazineI f you enjoy our content and the stories that make you think, feel and connect with other’s experiences… we think you will LOVE our latest project, made for readers just like YOU!
Love & Literature was made for the readers who believe that a good story can break down barriers.
…For the readers who believe in building communities with stories that emotionally connect groups of people together.
…For the readers who believe in the power of vulnerability and the healing that comes with sharing the things that either break us or build us.
That’s why we invite you to check out LOVE & LITERATURE, A weekly intimate newsletter distributed to you in the form of [written]episodes filled with real-life drama, delivered to your inbox every Sunday morning.
Why Should You Check This Out?Who doesn’t like reality tv? Love & Literature is like an intimate glimpse looking into the experiences of someone else’s life. Love & Literature is reality without the television. It’s real, raw and at times, shockingly interesting. Our Sunday morning posts are like episodes of your favourite TV series.
Here’s what readers are saying so far…“I loved reading this story and it definitely shook me up. More power to you as a person and to your pen too.”
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“Your writing is riveting and your honesty is inspiring!!! I’m so glad that you followed your dream (partially selfishly, because that means I get to read more of your writing).” — Greg ( Love & Literature Reader)Subscribe to LOVE & LITERATURE to find out what happens next week…
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Opportunities for CreativesShondaland is a storytelling company founded by Shonda Rhimes. Their editor has tweeted, “Opening my inbox for end of March & April pitches. Looking for: author interviews/profiles (April); entertainment profiles; culture pitches about TV/Film (no reviews); profiles of DOPE women impacting communities.” Rate is $500+. Pitches should be sent to britni@shondaland.com. To learn more, refer to their editor’s Twitter thread. To contact them, refer to this page.Narratively is a media company that publishes original and untold human stories. Their editorial assistant is looking for pitches for “stories that shed light on and reveal groundbreaking accomplishments by a disabled figure in history or a group of people with disabilities.” While they are “looking for stories on disabled figures and groups, their accomplishments do not need to be limited to disability justice.” The stories should be full of rich and colorful details and have lots of exciting scenes. They pay $400 to $1,000 per story (2,000 to 3,500 words). Pitches should be sent to julia@narratively.com. To learn more, refer to this Twitter thread and this page. Deadline: April 8th, 2021The assistant managing editor of CBS News is seeking pitches from journalists of color. Some of the topics that he is interested in are entertainment profiles and features, sports, criminal justice/prison reform, Covid-19, and health and fitness. Reporting only. Rates start at $0.60 per word. DM their editor on Twitter or email justin@cbsnews.com. To read their editor’s Tweet, click here. To visit their website, click here.The Toronto Arts Council is giving grants through the Music Projects program. which provides funding to professional, non-profit music organizations and collectives to pursue one-time or time-limited music projects involving production, presentation, dissemination and/or other activities that contribute to the development of music in Toronto. The City of Toronto supports this program through a funding allocation approved annually by Toronto City Council. The Music Program is strongly committed to the development and performance of works by Canadian artists. The maximum grant available in this program is $15,000. The TAC Music Projects program will fund up to 50% of the project budget. Click here to find out more.Sixty Inches from Center is a non-profit arts publication and archiving initiative that promotes art and writing in Chicago and the Midwest. They welcome “writers & artists of all experience levels to pitch ideas for traditional/experimental art writing, interviews, poetry, essays, audio, video, comics, animations, & stories around topics & practices relevant to the cultural landscapes of the Midwest.” They give priority to “writing by, about, and for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ artists, artists with disabilities, and the long list of writing, art-making, and cultural practices that have been neglected in mainstream conversations and canons about art and culture.” They pay $25 to $125 per article. For details, refer to this Twitter thread and their writing guide.
Real Life, Real Stories, with a Deeper Connection was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
March 12, 2021
March 11, 2021
March 10, 2021
Best Lessons I Learned From My Mother
Why am I writing this article because I don’t want to sing jingles of her praise after she dies? I want to make sure that I count her…
March 9, 2021
Call for Submissions — All the Things Left ‘Un-said’
Hey Creatives,
We want to hear from you! CRY Magazine is looking for creative and compelling stories about all the things you’ve left “un-said”.
What does that mean?Do you always say what you think? When was the last time you truly said what you were thinking? Or maybe you stop yourself from expressing your true feelings. If our words hold so much power, can what we say change a person’s life? When it comes to thinking before you speak, we want to hear your stories of things you’ve left “un-said”.
For this submission request, tell us about a time you compromised your expression or emotions because you were afraid to say what was on your mind. We’re looking for creative, compelling personal stories or opinion pieces about things you’ve left “un-said” during your creative journey. Either way, feel free to share experiences about either because we’d love to read them.
Same rules as always:If you’re already a writer for CRY, go ahead and submit.If you’re not a writer for CRY but would like to submit to this request, let us know and we’ll add you ASAP.Be as creative as you want in your submissions. As long as you stick to the topic, we’ll consider it.Just because you submit doesn’t mean we’ll post. If you haven’t heard back from us in three days, consider that a pass.The deadline to submit is Monday, March 15th, 2021.Please reach out if you have any questions at all. If you are new to Medium, here’s how you submit a draft to a publication.
*NEW!* Paid Opportunities for CRY Creatives“Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.” — Andy Warhol
We love our creative community! We also know that sometimes it’s difficult to build a successful career with our art. That’s why SCREAM is dedicated to highlighting opportunities for creatives who are seeking new challenges. We also realize every creator has a different goal. That’s why we’ll send you a variety of types of opportunities with every newsletter. If you’re interested in checking out what’s caught our eye this week, take a look at the list below.
Fix, Grist’s solutions lab, is launching a new climate-fiction contest, Imagine 2200: Climate Fiction for Future Ancestors. The contest will award $8,700 in prizes and publication. Deadline: April 12, 2021, | No entry fee. Click here for more info.NATIVE ARTS & CULTURE FOUNDATION: Deadline March 16, 2021. The Native Arts & Cultures Foundation advances equity and cultural knowledge, with a focus on the power of arts and collaboration to strengthen Native communities and promote positive social change within American Indian, Native Hawaiian, and Alaska Native communities in the United States. Click here for more info.Applications are open for the 2021 WNDB Internship Grants! For the first time, We Need Diverse Books will award grants this year to diverse interns in adult publishing (up to ten $3000 grants) as well as children’s publishing (up to twenty $3000 grants). Click here for more info.That’s it for now, but be on the lookout for more, coming soon!
Call for Submissions — All the Things Left ‘Un-said’ was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
March 8, 2021
Call for Submissions — All the Things Left ‘Un-said’
Do you always say what you think? When was the last time you truly said what you were thinking? Or maybe you stop yourself from expressing…
Why Dropping Out of University Was the Best Decision for Me.
Reconnecting with yourself when you feel like you are in the wrong place.
