Ken Poirot's Blog - Posts Tagged "soul"
With Great Love Comes Great Forgiveness...
Dating in a Fast-Paced Society
In our fast-paced society filled with professionals spending endless hours dedicated to their careers, online dating has become a fixture.
Albeit a convenient necessity to help expand social circles, as well as an opportunity to meet someone new while permitting complete flexibility to work the relationship into our busy lifestyles.
You can't spend almost 5 hours a day with someone for three months, even online, without getting to know quite a bit about the person.
So was the case with Tania.
In appearance on video chat she was a mousy girl, and I mean that affectionately.
A bit shy at times, with big brown, beautiful sparkling eyes filled with life, enthusiasm, and the inquisitive brilliance of playful curiosity.
Her eyes were her most striking feature, as I am always most attracted to a girls' eyes at first.
Hers smiled radiantly through the endless miles that separated us; her eyes brought us closely connected together, an unbreakable bond.
Then there was her hair; long dark, shimmering, luscious, silky locks which danced with her endless expressions and effervescent smile. Sometimes her hair was up, sometimes down, or drawn to one side gently caressing her soft, smooth, delicate neck.
Frequently at night she wore glasses, which just added to the studious, intelligent, cute, mousy-girl-look which I found so attractive.
We would share everything together over those months: our hopes, dreams, and ambitions in life; even our thoughts on family and raising children together.
During that whole time, very few days passed without long conversations. Maybe twice a full twenty-four hours passed when we both knew we would have to wait for our next rendezvous, due to commitments with family or friends.
She dreamed of becoming a fashion designer and showed me some of her work; a painting and drawing from her studies.
A skirt she designed; a long, full-length skirt with sheer blue fabric. The skirt was draped and sewn perfectly to appear and allow for flowing movement; it looked beautiful and very impressive. Not that I know much about fashion design myself, none more than I have seen on "Project Runway," but still, it made an impression as it was quite stunning.
We can all appreciate it when someone has passion for their work or a special project with which they are involved. Just as we can all recognize talent. This girl had both; passion for all that she did, especially design, and a depth of talent.
Then there were the other cute things she made. Drapes for her windows, a design she sewed on her sofa cushion at home, and various decorations, like Christmas ornaments; the kind of attention to detail and passion which makes a house a home.
It made me feel, and I imagined myself, as a proud husband with a wife who took great joy in making a warm, cozy place for all to spend their time as a family.
She also starred in a couple music videos. She never mentioned them, but I stumbled over them online. When I asked about them her response was quiet humility.
It is a rare beauty who can be both cute and sexy: a truly scarce combination. Most women can only be one or the other; she was both...cute and sexy at the same time.
The Perfect First Date
It was my 5th time to visit the Ukraine. Tania and I had really connected online, but you never know if that connection will carry over to an in person, face-to-face meeting or not.
Anyone who has spent any time in the online dating world knows, sometimes you hit it off with someone online, yet when you meet, the same chemistry is just not there. For this reason, there was a lot of anxiety leading up to my meeting with Tania in Odessa, Ukraine.
I so desperately wanted to know what it would be like together in person, and I had butterflies in my stomach over the anticipation.
Could this really be the one? Would our inseparable connection online be as strong in person, or would we feel that awkward silence of no connection at all?
I contacted a friend in Odessa before my visit, an old girlfriend from a previous trip with whom a romantic relationship had not progressed into a serious future.
I wanted my first date and meeting with Tania to be perfect, so I asked my friend, Aliona, to help me prepare a special, favorable first impression for Tania.
As I do not speak the language in Odessa, predominately Russian, I would need help finding and buying items for my first date with Tania. I wanted to have flowers for her and her translator, champagne, and I asked Aliona for suggestions to make everything as romantic as possible, from a Ukrainian girls' point of view.
Tania's Arrival and Our First Date
Aliona and I scrambled to have all ready for Tania by the time she arrived. Tania was scheduled to arrive a couple hours after noon and when Aliona and I called her, we found Tania was arriving early.
We had bought apples, mangoes, flowers, and champagne for Tania and her translator.
As Aliona was cutting the fruit, I dashed down the hall to the property manager's office; I needed vases for the two sets of flowers...red roses for Tania and yellow, friendship, roses for her translator.
Maria, the flat manager, emptied flowers out of one vase and graciously gave it to me, along with a second empty vase.
As I returned to the flat, Aliona had finished cutting up the apples and was skinning the mangoes. Aliona informed me (not that I would know), "If you leave the skin on, the mangoes are bitter, so it is best to take the skin off."
Our original intention was for Aliona to leave before Tania arrived, as you do not want your ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend to meet, since it could make all a little uncomfortable (and especially on our first date).
Tania arrived early. I walked outside, greeted her with a hug, and offered to help her (and her translator) with their luggage.
I pointed out my flat as we passed it on the way to theirs, which was further down the hall. I opened their door, gave them the key, and took Tania's suitcase inside. I told the translator once they are settled into their flat, to please come by my flat.
As Aliona finished the last plate of fruit, there was a knock on my door. Here was the uncomfortable moment I was hoping to avoid: ex-girlfriend meets new girlfriend. Just a couple more minutes and Aliona would have been gone.
The mishap and unintentional meeting only added to my already nervous anxiety. I opened the door and gestured to the red roses on the window sill, which I had placed in their vase just seconds before. Tania told her translator I should present them to her...my first mistake besides Aliona still being there.
Aliona is an intuitive girl and she knew it was time to leave. So as not to be rude to Aliona, who had helped me all morning, I politely excused myself and hurriedly escorted her out of the building.
We walked quickly across the courtyard and said goodbye. As I gave her a friendly hug she said, "Tania...she has foxy eyes. Be careful!"
I thanked Aliona for her help and we bid farewell.
Translation Disaster
Later that evening, Tania, her translator, Gala, and I went to a club. Our first date which started out with such anxiety and many timing mishaps on my part, was turning out quite beautifully.
Tania and I were sitting next to each other holding hands, while Gala was sitting across the table from us. It was cold in Odessa in February, near zero Celsius, so I had worn a sports jacket under my coat. We had checked our coats upon entry to the club, so I took off my sports jacket as it was a bit warm inside.
Tania was even more beautiful in person. Full of life and energy, those eyes dancing as her radiance filled the room. I will never forget her smile, the way her hair shined in the light with crowning perfection. I was smitten; filled with the heavenly sound and cadence of her voice, as I felt the magic, tingling energy of her touch.
I leaned over to our translator, Gala, and said, "We have a lot in common." Gala spoke to Tania in Russian and everything changed that instant.
Tania was obviously offended. She tossed away my hand and refused to look at me!
Just like that...in one instance all changed 180 degrees. I could not figure out what happened at first; I asked Gala what she had said to Tania to cause such a reaction.
I looked at Gala struck with bewildered disbelief. Gala looked at Tania again and they spoke. This time Tania's speech was fast, angry, defensive, and dismissive.
Gala looked over at me and said, "I am sorry, I mistranslated." She tried to explain the mistake to Tania, but she would not hear of it.
I leaned over and tried to hold Tania's hand, which was now far away in her stretched out arms on the table; she would not respond and she ignored me.
Gala gestured for us to go and we walked out of the club. I was so upset I completely forgot my sports jacket...which was never seen again.
We retrieved our coats from the entrance of the club; next was the most uncomfortable taxi ride I have ever experienced. Tania did not want to be there and especially not stuck in the back of the taxi with me.
Gala continued to plead with Tania, but she was not in the mood to listen. Gala apologized to me over and over again.
All I could figure is she might have translated my words as, "We do not have a lot in common" instead of "We have a lot in common." I was not even sure if that was the source of the confusion and miscommunication.
We all arrived back at my flat and the girls came inside; I sat on the bed while they sat on the couch across from me.
Tania would not listen to anything we said, instead, she turned to Gala and mentioned something about me, and then stormed out of the flat.
At this moment I was overcome by emotion. All the anticipation, the months leading up to this moment, scheduling our first meeting, the preparation, the nervous energy and hope...it all came crashing over me like a giant wave of pressure needing to be released.
My eyes welled up with tears which spilled out over their lids and rolled down my cheeks, then dripped off my chin. I looked over at Gala with mournful despondency and said, "I can't make her love me."
That was the end of our first evening together. So much for creating the perfect first date...
The Day After Disaster
I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early, much earlier than normal, and really did not know what to do.
Some girls want you to come after them, to chase them, to try to make things right. Other girls want you to leave them alone, completely, and forever, while some want you to wait and let them come to you.
It is difficult enough to know what to do in the USA, let alone in a completely different culture, language, and country.
I waited for a while. I showered and cleaned up hoping to hear from Tania or Gala for some direction. Nothing...the morning continued with silence.
"Maybe the girls are not up yet," I thought. I had been hungry since I woke up, so I decided to get some breakfast, think about all that had transpired that evening, then decide what to do next.
On my way out of the flat I saw the three tickets I had procured for the ballet, one for each of us for that evening.
During our conversations, Tania had mentioned she had never been to the ballet, so I had purchased tickets for us. I thought, "Regardless of what happens, I still want to take her to the ballet, even if she does not want to date me anymore; I can still take her as friends."
A few hours after I arrived back from breakfast, Gala sheepishly tapped on my door. As I opened it she said, "I don't know what do do. Tania packed her bags and she wants to go back home to Kherson. Both of you were crying last night and I do not know what to do."
I explained how I would still like to take them both to the ballet that evening, no matter what. I told her to have Tania come over to my flat, by herself, so we can see if we can work all this out together in private.
I wanted to work it out. Gala had made a mistranslation the previous evening which began the whole misunderstanding in the first place, so I figured it was best if Tania and I spoke alone.
I had a pocket translator so we could type to each other, and there was always the computer I brought, as well as the computer belonging to the flat; we would be able to communicate.
Shortly thereafter, there was a knock on the door. Tania looked miserable, truly unhappy; the look of a girl who had been crying all night long. She walked across the room as I closed the door; she sat on window sill, which was directly opposite the door, as far away from me as possible.
I walked over and put my arms around her, warmly, gently, and kissed her as I held her in my arms.
She got up and moved over to the bed, walking with a defensive posture, arms crossed in front of her and eyes looking down to the floor, avoiding mine.
I moved over to the bed where she was sitting, her back against the wall at the head of the bed. I lay down next to her, with my arms gently around her legs and looked up. I took the electronic translator out of my pocket and glanced up once more.
I was wearing a baseball cap and she took it off, tossing it aside, so she could better see my eyes. She typed and passed the pocket translator to me so I could see what she wrote, "I sorry for my bad behavior."
I gazed at her with warmth, compassion, and love in my eyes, typed, then handed her back the translator so she could read my words, "With great love comes great forgiveness."
The Happiest Day of My Life
We went to the ballet that evening and had a great time. We met up with her friend Vlada, who lived in Odessa, and also had a wonderful late night at a club.
The next day we had sushi at the restaurant by our flat. This picture was taken there:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Per my suggestion, and since Tania had never been to the beach in Odessa, we took a taxi to the Arcadia area by the sea.
It was cold and windy by the water and Tania's gorgeous hair, always made agonizingly perfect was amusingly wind-blown as we shivered from the biting, damp, cold, salty air. She looked at me and ran her hands through her hair in surrender at her unusually disorderly appearance, as we laughed together.
We dodged into the nearest cafe for respite from the cold and hot tea to warm us up, while we looked out the window over at the Black Sea. As our eyes met, we both knew what we were feeling; the connection online was now just as strong in person.
We arrived back at our flat, packed the taxi, and left for Kherson together. We were in the back seat which was stuffed with a few of our things that did not fit in the trunk.
She looked over at me, smiled, and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly the whole way to Kherson, for almost three hours. As she glanced over at me from time-to-time, catching my eyes and smiling; I could see her heart, radiance, and soul through her eyes.
That taxi ride from Odessa to Kherson is the moment she fell in love with me.
We stopped once for gasoline (petrol) and she excused herself to the restroom. My hand had fallen asleep; I did not care for it was holding the hand of the one I loved.
As she exited the taxi, I moved my fingers to shake out that tell-tale pins-and-needles feeling. As she entered the taxi again, she immediately reached over, smiled, and grabbed my hand.
That was the best day of my life.
In that moment, I held in my hand everything I had longed for my entire life. That feeling, the kind of love that makes you question if you have ever truly felt love before.
No one mattered from before nor had anyone ever mattered in that instance, except for Tania.
In all the world there was only Tania and me; me and Tania. No one else in the entire universe existed...just me and Tania.
Always remember: with great love comes great forgiveness.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
In our fast-paced society filled with professionals spending endless hours dedicated to their careers, online dating has become a fixture.
Albeit a convenient necessity to help expand social circles, as well as an opportunity to meet someone new while permitting complete flexibility to work the relationship into our busy lifestyles.
You can't spend almost 5 hours a day with someone for three months, even online, without getting to know quite a bit about the person.
So was the case with Tania.
In appearance on video chat she was a mousy girl, and I mean that affectionately.
A bit shy at times, with big brown, beautiful sparkling eyes filled with life, enthusiasm, and the inquisitive brilliance of playful curiosity.
Her eyes were her most striking feature, as I am always most attracted to a girls' eyes at first.
Hers smiled radiantly through the endless miles that separated us; her eyes brought us closely connected together, an unbreakable bond.
Then there was her hair; long dark, shimmering, luscious, silky locks which danced with her endless expressions and effervescent smile. Sometimes her hair was up, sometimes down, or drawn to one side gently caressing her soft, smooth, delicate neck.
Frequently at night she wore glasses, which just added to the studious, intelligent, cute, mousy-girl-look which I found so attractive.
We would share everything together over those months: our hopes, dreams, and ambitions in life; even our thoughts on family and raising children together.
During that whole time, very few days passed without long conversations. Maybe twice a full twenty-four hours passed when we both knew we would have to wait for our next rendezvous, due to commitments with family or friends.
She dreamed of becoming a fashion designer and showed me some of her work; a painting and drawing from her studies.
A skirt she designed; a long, full-length skirt with sheer blue fabric. The skirt was draped and sewn perfectly to appear and allow for flowing movement; it looked beautiful and very impressive. Not that I know much about fashion design myself, none more than I have seen on "Project Runway," but still, it made an impression as it was quite stunning.
We can all appreciate it when someone has passion for their work or a special project with which they are involved. Just as we can all recognize talent. This girl had both; passion for all that she did, especially design, and a depth of talent.
Then there were the other cute things she made. Drapes for her windows, a design she sewed on her sofa cushion at home, and various decorations, like Christmas ornaments; the kind of attention to detail and passion which makes a house a home.
It made me feel, and I imagined myself, as a proud husband with a wife who took great joy in making a warm, cozy place for all to spend their time as a family.
She also starred in a couple music videos. She never mentioned them, but I stumbled over them online. When I asked about them her response was quiet humility.
It is a rare beauty who can be both cute and sexy: a truly scarce combination. Most women can only be one or the other; she was both...cute and sexy at the same time.
The Perfect First Date
It was my 5th time to visit the Ukraine. Tania and I had really connected online, but you never know if that connection will carry over to an in person, face-to-face meeting or not.
Anyone who has spent any time in the online dating world knows, sometimes you hit it off with someone online, yet when you meet, the same chemistry is just not there. For this reason, there was a lot of anxiety leading up to my meeting with Tania in Odessa, Ukraine.
I so desperately wanted to know what it would be like together in person, and I had butterflies in my stomach over the anticipation.
Could this really be the one? Would our inseparable connection online be as strong in person, or would we feel that awkward silence of no connection at all?
I contacted a friend in Odessa before my visit, an old girlfriend from a previous trip with whom a romantic relationship had not progressed into a serious future.
I wanted my first date and meeting with Tania to be perfect, so I asked my friend, Aliona, to help me prepare a special, favorable first impression for Tania.
As I do not speak the language in Odessa, predominately Russian, I would need help finding and buying items for my first date with Tania. I wanted to have flowers for her and her translator, champagne, and I asked Aliona for suggestions to make everything as romantic as possible, from a Ukrainian girls' point of view.
Tania's Arrival and Our First Date
Aliona and I scrambled to have all ready for Tania by the time she arrived. Tania was scheduled to arrive a couple hours after noon and when Aliona and I called her, we found Tania was arriving early.
We had bought apples, mangoes, flowers, and champagne for Tania and her translator.
As Aliona was cutting the fruit, I dashed down the hall to the property manager's office; I needed vases for the two sets of flowers...red roses for Tania and yellow, friendship, roses for her translator.
Maria, the flat manager, emptied flowers out of one vase and graciously gave it to me, along with a second empty vase.
As I returned to the flat, Aliona had finished cutting up the apples and was skinning the mangoes. Aliona informed me (not that I would know), "If you leave the skin on, the mangoes are bitter, so it is best to take the skin off."
Our original intention was for Aliona to leave before Tania arrived, as you do not want your ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend to meet, since it could make all a little uncomfortable (and especially on our first date).
Tania arrived early. I walked outside, greeted her with a hug, and offered to help her (and her translator) with their luggage.
I pointed out my flat as we passed it on the way to theirs, which was further down the hall. I opened their door, gave them the key, and took Tania's suitcase inside. I told the translator once they are settled into their flat, to please come by my flat.
As Aliona finished the last plate of fruit, there was a knock on my door. Here was the uncomfortable moment I was hoping to avoid: ex-girlfriend meets new girlfriend. Just a couple more minutes and Aliona would have been gone.
The mishap and unintentional meeting only added to my already nervous anxiety. I opened the door and gestured to the red roses on the window sill, which I had placed in their vase just seconds before. Tania told her translator I should present them to her...my first mistake besides Aliona still being there.
Aliona is an intuitive girl and she knew it was time to leave. So as not to be rude to Aliona, who had helped me all morning, I politely excused myself and hurriedly escorted her out of the building.
We walked quickly across the courtyard and said goodbye. As I gave her a friendly hug she said, "Tania...she has foxy eyes. Be careful!"
I thanked Aliona for her help and we bid farewell.
Translation Disaster
Later that evening, Tania, her translator, Gala, and I went to a club. Our first date which started out with such anxiety and many timing mishaps on my part, was turning out quite beautifully.
Tania and I were sitting next to each other holding hands, while Gala was sitting across the table from us. It was cold in Odessa in February, near zero Celsius, so I had worn a sports jacket under my coat. We had checked our coats upon entry to the club, so I took off my sports jacket as it was a bit warm inside.
Tania was even more beautiful in person. Full of life and energy, those eyes dancing as her radiance filled the room. I will never forget her smile, the way her hair shined in the light with crowning perfection. I was smitten; filled with the heavenly sound and cadence of her voice, as I felt the magic, tingling energy of her touch.
I leaned over to our translator, Gala, and said, "We have a lot in common." Gala spoke to Tania in Russian and everything changed that instant.
Tania was obviously offended. She tossed away my hand and refused to look at me!
Just like that...in one instance all changed 180 degrees. I could not figure out what happened at first; I asked Gala what she had said to Tania to cause such a reaction.
I looked at Gala struck with bewildered disbelief. Gala looked at Tania again and they spoke. This time Tania's speech was fast, angry, defensive, and dismissive.
Gala looked over at me and said, "I am sorry, I mistranslated." She tried to explain the mistake to Tania, but she would not hear of it.
I leaned over and tried to hold Tania's hand, which was now far away in her stretched out arms on the table; she would not respond and she ignored me.
Gala gestured for us to go and we walked out of the club. I was so upset I completely forgot my sports jacket...which was never seen again.
We retrieved our coats from the entrance of the club; next was the most uncomfortable taxi ride I have ever experienced. Tania did not want to be there and especially not stuck in the back of the taxi with me.
Gala continued to plead with Tania, but she was not in the mood to listen. Gala apologized to me over and over again.
All I could figure is she might have translated my words as, "We do not have a lot in common" instead of "We have a lot in common." I was not even sure if that was the source of the confusion and miscommunication.
We all arrived back at my flat and the girls came inside; I sat on the bed while they sat on the couch across from me.
Tania would not listen to anything we said, instead, she turned to Gala and mentioned something about me, and then stormed out of the flat.
At this moment I was overcome by emotion. All the anticipation, the months leading up to this moment, scheduling our first meeting, the preparation, the nervous energy and hope...it all came crashing over me like a giant wave of pressure needing to be released.
My eyes welled up with tears which spilled out over their lids and rolled down my cheeks, then dripped off my chin. I looked over at Gala with mournful despondency and said, "I can't make her love me."
That was the end of our first evening together. So much for creating the perfect first date...
The Day After Disaster
I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early, much earlier than normal, and really did not know what to do.
Some girls want you to come after them, to chase them, to try to make things right. Other girls want you to leave them alone, completely, and forever, while some want you to wait and let them come to you.
It is difficult enough to know what to do in the USA, let alone in a completely different culture, language, and country.
I waited for a while. I showered and cleaned up hoping to hear from Tania or Gala for some direction. Nothing...the morning continued with silence.
"Maybe the girls are not up yet," I thought. I had been hungry since I woke up, so I decided to get some breakfast, think about all that had transpired that evening, then decide what to do next.
On my way out of the flat I saw the three tickets I had procured for the ballet, one for each of us for that evening.
During our conversations, Tania had mentioned she had never been to the ballet, so I had purchased tickets for us. I thought, "Regardless of what happens, I still want to take her to the ballet, even if she does not want to date me anymore; I can still take her as friends."
A few hours after I arrived back from breakfast, Gala sheepishly tapped on my door. As I opened it she said, "I don't know what do do. Tania packed her bags and she wants to go back home to Kherson. Both of you were crying last night and I do not know what to do."
I explained how I would still like to take them both to the ballet that evening, no matter what. I told her to have Tania come over to my flat, by herself, so we can see if we can work all this out together in private.
I wanted to work it out. Gala had made a mistranslation the previous evening which began the whole misunderstanding in the first place, so I figured it was best if Tania and I spoke alone.
I had a pocket translator so we could type to each other, and there was always the computer I brought, as well as the computer belonging to the flat; we would be able to communicate.
Shortly thereafter, there was a knock on the door. Tania looked miserable, truly unhappy; the look of a girl who had been crying all night long. She walked across the room as I closed the door; she sat on window sill, which was directly opposite the door, as far away from me as possible.
I walked over and put my arms around her, warmly, gently, and kissed her as I held her in my arms.
She got up and moved over to the bed, walking with a defensive posture, arms crossed in front of her and eyes looking down to the floor, avoiding mine.
I moved over to the bed where she was sitting, her back against the wall at the head of the bed. I lay down next to her, with my arms gently around her legs and looked up. I took the electronic translator out of my pocket and glanced up once more.
I was wearing a baseball cap and she took it off, tossing it aside, so she could better see my eyes. She typed and passed the pocket translator to me so I could see what she wrote, "I sorry for my bad behavior."
I gazed at her with warmth, compassion, and love in my eyes, typed, then handed her back the translator so she could read my words, "With great love comes great forgiveness."
The Happiest Day of My Life
We went to the ballet that evening and had a great time. We met up with her friend Vlada, who lived in Odessa, and also had a wonderful late night at a club.
The next day we had sushi at the restaurant by our flat. This picture was taken there:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Per my suggestion, and since Tania had never been to the beach in Odessa, we took a taxi to the Arcadia area by the sea.
It was cold and windy by the water and Tania's gorgeous hair, always made agonizingly perfect was amusingly wind-blown as we shivered from the biting, damp, cold, salty air. She looked at me and ran her hands through her hair in surrender at her unusually disorderly appearance, as we laughed together.
We dodged into the nearest cafe for respite from the cold and hot tea to warm us up, while we looked out the window over at the Black Sea. As our eyes met, we both knew what we were feeling; the connection online was now just as strong in person.
We arrived back at our flat, packed the taxi, and left for Kherson together. We were in the back seat which was stuffed with a few of our things that did not fit in the trunk.
She looked over at me, smiled, and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly the whole way to Kherson, for almost three hours. As she glanced over at me from time-to-time, catching my eyes and smiling; I could see her heart, radiance, and soul through her eyes.
That taxi ride from Odessa to Kherson is the moment she fell in love with me.
We stopped once for gasoline (petrol) and she excused herself to the restroom. My hand had fallen asleep; I did not care for it was holding the hand of the one I loved.
As she exited the taxi, I moved my fingers to shake out that tell-tale pins-and-needles feeling. As she entered the taxi again, she immediately reached over, smiled, and grabbed my hand.
That was the best day of my life.
In that moment, I held in my hand everything I had longed for my entire life. That feeling, the kind of love that makes you question if you have ever truly felt love before.
No one mattered from before nor had anyone ever mattered in that instance, except for Tania.
In all the world there was only Tania and me; me and Tania. No one else in the entire universe existed...just me and Tania.
Always remember: with great love comes great forgiveness.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
I lost EVERYTHING…
The Abyss of Emotional Bankruptcy
I could feel the warm, moist trail drip slowly, eventually overcome inertia, then roll quickly down my nose and cheek as each drop struck my pillow.
I do not remember leaving my bed for a month, but I must have as I would eat something from time to time.
I would later write, “The worst feelings are the warm, anxious burning that portends your heart breaking followed by the wave of numbness that asphyxiates your soul.”
An apt description for that month of my life.
I stopped living and I suffered in silence.
Men are not supposed to hurt, cry, and feel emotionally bankrupt; isn’t that what our Western society tells us? We are supposed to be strong and unshakeable; how could I ever tell others I was so dead inside?
How could I share how I felt when no one else would truly understand?
Anything to End the Pain
I just wanted to be alone and I did not want to live anymore.
I thought about running my car in the garage; buying a hose, affixing it to the tailpipe, and directing the exhaust inside my car.
At least then I would be comfortable in my leather cocoon and leave this world while residing forever in the house I built.
It was not just the most recent event that completely emptied my soul, it was a culmination of what transpired over the last five years; this was the final act of betrayal that ultimately drowned me in the ocean of hopelessness.
The Happiest Day of My Life
Just one week before was the happiest day of my life.
I had finally found the love of my life.
We had spent ten magical days together culminating in our announcement that we were planning on getting married, declared during a dinner I hosted for her friends and family.
Everyone was supportive and happy for us.
Yet, the minute I left town, this girl who knew all about me, knew about my hardships, struggles, and all the hurt of my past, the girl who squeezed my hand in happiness when we announced our plans for marriage at that same dinner, abruptly and without warning cut off all communication with me.
Evil Comes in Many Forms
I found she had been playing me the whole time, recruiting her friends and family to help deceive me. They fulfilled their roles well leading me to believe I had just made many new friends.
Instead, they were all lying to me.
They all knew she had a long-term boyfriend, and this was just a game to them. It was not enough for them to just hurt me though.
When I tried to speak to her friends and family, they blocked me on social media and sent me messages laughing at me because they enjoyed the cruelty of torturing me.
She herself told me that she “got what she wanted from me.” In other words, taking out her friends and family multiple times, the gifts, my generosity, warmth, care, and all the money I found out she made off me; all her goals had been achieved and accomplished in her mind.
She had seduced everything she wanted from me, therefore, according to her, she had no need to speak to me again.
I do not know what was worse, the pain I was feeling, the calculating coldness of those who wantonly set out to harm me, or the hurt I could hear in my mother’s voice when I told her the news, simply replying, “She used you.”
My friends and family were expecting to soon be greeting a new addition to our lives; the love of my life whose wedding plans had just been announced to the support of all in her intimate close-knit circle.
No One Understands
When I did talk to people about her, they would just say, “Get over it.” They did not understand the extent of my attachment, the six to eight hours a day of constant conversations for six months, the hole that was left, not just in my life but in my soul.
Nor did they understand the culminating affect the previous five years had on my complete devastation and destruction.
The downward spiral had begun in 2008. My boss, who I had trusted, sacked me in a surprise meeting with HR.
After seven years of loyal service, working my way up to run the department and growing it exponentially by over 83% from $8.5 million to over $15.6 million in revenue, while increasing the profit margin from 27% to 37%, they fired me on the spot.
I had invested wholeheartedly in my career with the company. I had worked tirelessly, even giving up much earned vacation time to drive the success of my department.
I was recognized nationally by my peers; often I was asked to speak at different events across the country, to explain why my department was doing so well at a time when the entire industry was experiencing stagnation or contraction.
It did not matter that my company had a policy of "progressive discipline" that required a verbal warning, written warning, and then probationary period before an employee was fired. My boss and HR threw out all the rules and terminated me right there with no warning. One of the HR managers even sadistically smiled at me as they fired me.
A Career in Ruins
I would sue them and battle them for years through depositions and attorneys.
The three of them who fired me, including my boss, could not come up with a consistent, unified reason why they fired me. In the end, I would stare in my ex-boss’ eyes as she answered questions.
I finally concluded that even though the success I was having in driving growth for our department made her look good, she was jealous of my achievements.
That same department would later fall apart in my absence and the company would settle with me before we went to court.
During that time, I had found another position as a regional manager with a different bank.
My coworkers were supportive and often consulted me on important decisions. I was treated with respect and my boss would seek advice from me on pressing matters.
Unfortunately, that bank did not make it through the financial crisis, and two years later it failed.
We closed as one bank on a Friday and opened as another bank the following Monday; that was how the FDIC handled bank failures during the financial crisis.
Right before Christmas, all of us managers were given our walking papers and I, once again, found myself unemployed.
After landing a new job as a regional manager six months later, enduring the misery of working with and for a bunch of truly nasty people, those positions also disappeared.
My professional career working for others ended at that point.
Left With Nothing and More Betrayal
Unfortunately, as my wife had already left, the financial markets had eroded my lifetime savings, and my money had dried up, I was now facing an imminent foreclosure as I could not keep my house afloat.
To top it all off, I had also recently been betrayed by someone else I had loved.
Unbeknownst to me, my girlfriend had decided it was time to have a baby. She did not tell me, but she had covertly stopped taking her birth control pills. I would later learn from her friends that she had told them she wanted to secretly get pregnant on purpose, to force me into moving our relationship to the next level immediately, per her timetable.
I was happy when she showed me the sonogram and told me we were having a baby. I was going to be a father for the first and only time in my life; it was a glorious occasion.
Yet, this same girl, once she was granted the commitment she always wanted from me, would sneak off into the night and have an abortion. She changed her mind as quickly and clandestinely as she had made her original decision. The news devastated me and ended our relationship.
She would later tell me she regretted what she did and she wanted to get back together with me.
Needless to say, I told her that was not going to happen.
The Final Betrayal and All Is Lost
All the hurt and pain of those previous five years had taken its toll on me.
In spite of this, I was willing to give love and happiness a chance. I was taking the risk to trust again with a girl who professed to have a conscious, moral compass, and who promised to treat me right.
Yet instead, the love of my life, the girl with whom we had just announced our future plans for marriage in front of her friends and family, who knew about all this previous hurt and pain in my life, took great pleasure in lying, cheating, using me, and then tossing me away once she got all she wanted.
After all I had been through, and with the latest blow, I just wanted the hurt and pain to stop.
In addition, at this moment my home was soon going to be at risk. My money was dwindling and I was about to be late on my mortgage for the first time ever.
I called my bank to work with them, but to my surprise, they began an aggressive campaign to try to take my house illegally.
I contacted an attorney and tried to sell my home, but the local housing market was in turmoil.
Per the attorney, the bank finally agreed to leave me alone until a specific date, at which time if my house was not sold, I had to turn it over to them.
Unfortunately, that date came and went without a buyer. I had to get rid of everything: all my furniture, paintings, personal possessions, and anything I could not fit into my car.
I lost my house.
Everything I once had was gone except for a solitary carload consisting mostly of clothes along with my cat. In truth, if not for my cat, as sad as it sounds, I may not be here today.
What did I do next? How does the story end?
Resurrection and Reinvention of Self
There are a few things I decided during this time in my life. I focused on the successes and not the failures I had achieved over the years and I decided to reinvent myself.
I also realized I had a message of hope to share with others.
All I ever wanted to do in life was help other people. With this goal in mind, I began to write.
As I wrote in my first book, which was written at this most difficult time in my life, “At that darkest moment, while drowning in the Abyss of Emotional Bankruptcy, reflect on this universal truth: the difference between success and failure is one more time.”
I took what I learned during these difficult times, I chose to look back at the accomplishments in my life, and to do my best to be a positive influence on others. If you read my book, “Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement,” now you know where I was emotionally and mentally when I wrote it.
My sole purpose was to turn this terrible time in my life into an opportunity to have a positive impact on other people. As I wrote in the book, “I feel the reason we are all here, our purpose of being, is to help others find their little piece of happiness and heaven right here on earth.”
I do not know where you are in life or what you are going through. Some of you have difficulties greater than mine. My wish is that you can get through these hard times in your life and “Be the light that inspires others to dream.”
“Light can devour the darkness but darkness cannot consume the light.”
Once you realize that you hold the power to change your life for the better and that nothing can extinguish your light, you will realize you are ultimately in control of your destiny when you make the conscious decision to move forward.
Everyone Has Hurt and Pain In Their Lives
We all go through tough times in life. No one is immune from difficulties.
Even after everything I endured, I am better now, and more importantly, I am better for it.
Furthermore, I also know that money cannot bring happiness but I know financial problems and the stress it causes can become all consuming.
I understand because I have lived it.
Success and Overcoming Adversity
“Wisdom comes from making mistakes, having the courage to face them, and make adjustments moving forward based upon the knowledge acquired through those experiences.”
I have always been told, and it seems true, no one cares about your story until you finally make it.
When you are down and out not only does the world not seem to care, but unfortunately, there are sometimes those who actively enjoy kicking you and keeping you down.
In the end, "Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement," became a bestseller on Amazon.
Furthermore, I am now quoted every single day in social media worldwide.
Each day my words inspire people all over the world; I achieved my ultimate goal of being a positive influence on people's lives.
Maybe someone, somewhere in the world can relate to my story, hold onto the knowledge that they can and will eventually overcome all of today’s hurt and pain, then have the courage to get up one more time and turn things around.
Whatever the obstacle, you can overcome it and achieve success as long as you just keep moving forward.
I hope by sharing my story that these words find their way to inspire others to rise above their current circumstances and keep going.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
I could feel the warm, moist trail drip slowly, eventually overcome inertia, then roll quickly down my nose and cheek as each drop struck my pillow.
I do not remember leaving my bed for a month, but I must have as I would eat something from time to time.
I would later write, “The worst feelings are the warm, anxious burning that portends your heart breaking followed by the wave of numbness that asphyxiates your soul.”
An apt description for that month of my life.
I stopped living and I suffered in silence.
Men are not supposed to hurt, cry, and feel emotionally bankrupt; isn’t that what our Western society tells us? We are supposed to be strong and unshakeable; how could I ever tell others I was so dead inside?
How could I share how I felt when no one else would truly understand?
Anything to End the Pain
I just wanted to be alone and I did not want to live anymore.
I thought about running my car in the garage; buying a hose, affixing it to the tailpipe, and directing the exhaust inside my car.
At least then I would be comfortable in my leather cocoon and leave this world while residing forever in the house I built.
It was not just the most recent event that completely emptied my soul, it was a culmination of what transpired over the last five years; this was the final act of betrayal that ultimately drowned me in the ocean of hopelessness.
The Happiest Day of My Life
Just one week before was the happiest day of my life.
I had finally found the love of my life.
We had spent ten magical days together culminating in our announcement that we were planning on getting married, declared during a dinner I hosted for her friends and family.
Everyone was supportive and happy for us.
Yet, the minute I left town, this girl who knew all about me, knew about my hardships, struggles, and all the hurt of my past, the girl who squeezed my hand in happiness when we announced our plans for marriage at that same dinner, abruptly and without warning cut off all communication with me.
Evil Comes in Many Forms
I found she had been playing me the whole time, recruiting her friends and family to help deceive me. They fulfilled their roles well leading me to believe I had just made many new friends.
Instead, they were all lying to me.
They all knew she had a long-term boyfriend, and this was just a game to them. It was not enough for them to just hurt me though.
When I tried to speak to her friends and family, they blocked me on social media and sent me messages laughing at me because they enjoyed the cruelty of torturing me.
She herself told me that she “got what she wanted from me.” In other words, taking out her friends and family multiple times, the gifts, my generosity, warmth, care, and all the money I found out she made off me; all her goals had been achieved and accomplished in her mind.
She had seduced everything she wanted from me, therefore, according to her, she had no need to speak to me again.
I do not know what was worse, the pain I was feeling, the calculating coldness of those who wantonly set out to harm me, or the hurt I could hear in my mother’s voice when I told her the news, simply replying, “She used you.”
My friends and family were expecting to soon be greeting a new addition to our lives; the love of my life whose wedding plans had just been announced to the support of all in her intimate close-knit circle.
No One Understands
When I did talk to people about her, they would just say, “Get over it.” They did not understand the extent of my attachment, the six to eight hours a day of constant conversations for six months, the hole that was left, not just in my life but in my soul.
Nor did they understand the culminating affect the previous five years had on my complete devastation and destruction.
The downward spiral had begun in 2008. My boss, who I had trusted, sacked me in a surprise meeting with HR.
After seven years of loyal service, working my way up to run the department and growing it exponentially by over 83% from $8.5 million to over $15.6 million in revenue, while increasing the profit margin from 27% to 37%, they fired me on the spot.
I had invested wholeheartedly in my career with the company. I had worked tirelessly, even giving up much earned vacation time to drive the success of my department.
I was recognized nationally by my peers; often I was asked to speak at different events across the country, to explain why my department was doing so well at a time when the entire industry was experiencing stagnation or contraction.
It did not matter that my company had a policy of "progressive discipline" that required a verbal warning, written warning, and then probationary period before an employee was fired. My boss and HR threw out all the rules and terminated me right there with no warning. One of the HR managers even sadistically smiled at me as they fired me.
A Career in Ruins
I would sue them and battle them for years through depositions and attorneys.
The three of them who fired me, including my boss, could not come up with a consistent, unified reason why they fired me. In the end, I would stare in my ex-boss’ eyes as she answered questions.
I finally concluded that even though the success I was having in driving growth for our department made her look good, she was jealous of my achievements.
That same department would later fall apart in my absence and the company would settle with me before we went to court.
During that time, I had found another position as a regional manager with a different bank.
My coworkers were supportive and often consulted me on important decisions. I was treated with respect and my boss would seek advice from me on pressing matters.
Unfortunately, that bank did not make it through the financial crisis, and two years later it failed.
We closed as one bank on a Friday and opened as another bank the following Monday; that was how the FDIC handled bank failures during the financial crisis.
Right before Christmas, all of us managers were given our walking papers and I, once again, found myself unemployed.
After landing a new job as a regional manager six months later, enduring the misery of working with and for a bunch of truly nasty people, those positions also disappeared.
My professional career working for others ended at that point.
Left With Nothing and More Betrayal
Unfortunately, as my wife had already left, the financial markets had eroded my lifetime savings, and my money had dried up, I was now facing an imminent foreclosure as I could not keep my house afloat.
To top it all off, I had also recently been betrayed by someone else I had loved.
Unbeknownst to me, my girlfriend had decided it was time to have a baby. She did not tell me, but she had covertly stopped taking her birth control pills. I would later learn from her friends that she had told them she wanted to secretly get pregnant on purpose, to force me into moving our relationship to the next level immediately, per her timetable.
I was happy when she showed me the sonogram and told me we were having a baby. I was going to be a father for the first and only time in my life; it was a glorious occasion.
Yet, this same girl, once she was granted the commitment she always wanted from me, would sneak off into the night and have an abortion. She changed her mind as quickly and clandestinely as she had made her original decision. The news devastated me and ended our relationship.
She would later tell me she regretted what she did and she wanted to get back together with me.
Needless to say, I told her that was not going to happen.
The Final Betrayal and All Is Lost
All the hurt and pain of those previous five years had taken its toll on me.
In spite of this, I was willing to give love and happiness a chance. I was taking the risk to trust again with a girl who professed to have a conscious, moral compass, and who promised to treat me right.
Yet instead, the love of my life, the girl with whom we had just announced our future plans for marriage in front of her friends and family, who knew about all this previous hurt and pain in my life, took great pleasure in lying, cheating, using me, and then tossing me away once she got all she wanted.
After all I had been through, and with the latest blow, I just wanted the hurt and pain to stop.
In addition, at this moment my home was soon going to be at risk. My money was dwindling and I was about to be late on my mortgage for the first time ever.
I called my bank to work with them, but to my surprise, they began an aggressive campaign to try to take my house illegally.
I contacted an attorney and tried to sell my home, but the local housing market was in turmoil.
Per the attorney, the bank finally agreed to leave me alone until a specific date, at which time if my house was not sold, I had to turn it over to them.
Unfortunately, that date came and went without a buyer. I had to get rid of everything: all my furniture, paintings, personal possessions, and anything I could not fit into my car.
I lost my house.
Everything I once had was gone except for a solitary carload consisting mostly of clothes along with my cat. In truth, if not for my cat, as sad as it sounds, I may not be here today.
What did I do next? How does the story end?
Resurrection and Reinvention of Self
There are a few things I decided during this time in my life. I focused on the successes and not the failures I had achieved over the years and I decided to reinvent myself.
I also realized I had a message of hope to share with others.
All I ever wanted to do in life was help other people. With this goal in mind, I began to write.
As I wrote in my first book, which was written at this most difficult time in my life, “At that darkest moment, while drowning in the Abyss of Emotional Bankruptcy, reflect on this universal truth: the difference between success and failure is one more time.”
I took what I learned during these difficult times, I chose to look back at the accomplishments in my life, and to do my best to be a positive influence on others. If you read my book, “Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement,” now you know where I was emotionally and mentally when I wrote it.
My sole purpose was to turn this terrible time in my life into an opportunity to have a positive impact on other people. As I wrote in the book, “I feel the reason we are all here, our purpose of being, is to help others find their little piece of happiness and heaven right here on earth.”
I do not know where you are in life or what you are going through. Some of you have difficulties greater than mine. My wish is that you can get through these hard times in your life and “Be the light that inspires others to dream.”
“Light can devour the darkness but darkness cannot consume the light.”
Once you realize that you hold the power to change your life for the better and that nothing can extinguish your light, you will realize you are ultimately in control of your destiny when you make the conscious decision to move forward.
Everyone Has Hurt and Pain In Their Lives
We all go through tough times in life. No one is immune from difficulties.
Even after everything I endured, I am better now, and more importantly, I am better for it.
Furthermore, I also know that money cannot bring happiness but I know financial problems and the stress it causes can become all consuming.
I understand because I have lived it.
Success and Overcoming Adversity
“Wisdom comes from making mistakes, having the courage to face them, and make adjustments moving forward based upon the knowledge acquired through those experiences.”
I have always been told, and it seems true, no one cares about your story until you finally make it.
When you are down and out not only does the world not seem to care, but unfortunately, there are sometimes those who actively enjoy kicking you and keeping you down.
In the end, "Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement," became a bestseller on Amazon.
Furthermore, I am now quoted every single day in social media worldwide.
Each day my words inspire people all over the world; I achieved my ultimate goal of being a positive influence on people's lives.
Maybe someone, somewhere in the world can relate to my story, hold onto the knowledge that they can and will eventually overcome all of today’s hurt and pain, then have the courage to get up one more time and turn things around.
Whatever the obstacle, you can overcome it and achieve success as long as you just keep moving forward.
I hope by sharing my story that these words find their way to inspire others to rise above their current circumstances and keep going.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
