Ken Poirot's Blog - Posts Tagged "dreams"
Memorial Day: Lessons from Soldiers, D-Day, and Success...
Have the Courage to Take Action
How many of us are paralyzed by fear?
The fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, or the fear of getting hurt in relationships, just to name a few fears many people experience.
The result of fear: if we succumb to it and allow it to dictate the direction of our lives, then we are guaranteed to never achieve our dreams.
Taking action requires courage: the courage to commit to a goal or dream. The courage to plan for success and follow that plan. The courage to overcome obstacles along the way to success and repel any naysayers we may encounter along the way. The courage to overcome the inertia in our lives caused by the fear of failure or the fear of getting hurt.
The amazing thing about taking action to achieve your dreams is the reaction from others. You will encounter people along the way who will tell you that you can never achieve your dreams. Or even worse, you may encounter those who try to tear you down or undermine your efforts on the road to achievement.
As I wrote in Mentor Me, "The same people who told you what you can and cannot do are only saying that because they gave up on their dreams."
Two Crabs in a Bucket
There are two types of people in this world: those who will support you in your goals and dreams, and those who won't (including those who may even attempt to block or sabotage your efforts).
It is important to surround yourself with people who will give you positive support and cheer you on. Equally important is to separate yourself from those who try to beat you down, hold you back, or undermine you in life.
There is an old adage about crabs in a bucket that illustrates this point.
As the story goes, if you put one crab in a bucket it will easily crawl out.
...but, if you put two crabs in a bucket, the second crab will clamp its claw(s) onto the leg(s) of the crab attempting to crawl out of the bucket. Therefore, the second crab will actively hinder the first crab from escaping the bucket.
The end result is neither crab will be able to crawl out of the bucket.
"Crawling out of the bucket" is a metaphor for getting ahead in life, or achieving your goals and dreams.
The moral of the story: rid your life of any crab(s) who might hold you back and/or keep you from getting out of your bucket (achieving your goals and dreams).
Soldiers Exemplify Taking Action in the Face of Fear
So why do some people take action even though they experience fear, while others are so paralyzed by fear they quit or do not take action in the first place?
...or a better question, how can someone learn to take action in the face of experiencing fear?
I believe the answer to this question is best exemplified by the courage of our soldiers while encountering severe opposition and the real specter of death.
Soldiers come from every cross section of our society and they are taught to take action in the face of fear. They learn to control their panic in war situations which would prevent most people from moving forward; soldiers make decision/take action in circumstances which the average person would be paralyzed by extreme fear into quitting or inaction.
The good news then is this: the average person can learn to take action in spite of fear.
In other words, this is a behavior we can all acquire...the ability to take action in the face of fear!
The D-Day Invasion
First, I would like to take a moment to commemorate and remember all the soldiers, veterans, and our current, active military personnel this Memorial Day. All of these individuals are heroes in my mind.
Anyone who serves our country and is willing to give their life for the United States deserves our thanks and respect.
Likewise, any soldier who has fallen in battle should be honored for giving the ultimate sacrifice for our nation.
I am using just one example of the heroism of our soldiers here, the D-Day Invasion, because it is an illustration for which most of us have studied or have a powerful visualization due to all the photos taken of this particular battle.
One cannot imagine the fear and terror soldiers engaged in the D-Day Invasion must have felt while riding in their transport ships to the shores of Normandy, France.
Listening to the seemingly infinite rounds of machine gun fire hitting the ramps of their transport ships, while waiting for those same ramps to be lowered to the sea, guaranteeing death to those stationed in the front of their ships.
As the ramps came down, rows of soldiers were struck and killed before they could even take one step into the ocean.
Soldiers behind them had to crawl over their wounded, dead, and bleeding buddies in order to get into the sea. Then push forward onto the beaches targeted by more machine gun fire, bombs, booby traps, and razor wire.
Sheer chaos and almost certain death enveloped these soldiers in the fog of war, smoke, explosions, and the screams of the fallen. Yet, through all this horror, the pieces of friends and fellow soldiers surrounding them, they still moved forward.
What we forget is, with all the planning that went into the D-Day Invasion and the 160,000 troops that took part in this operation: success was not guaranteed.
The price was high as more than 9,000 Allied soldiers died during this mission.
How can the average person develop courage?
So how can the average person be transformed into an heroic and courageous soldier?
Our soldiers had the courage to take action, to be brave in the face of the unfathomable hell that greeted them on the beaches of Normandy. Against all odds, almost impossible to imagine circumstances, and sheer terror, our soldiers showed unimaginable courage.
What can we learn from our soldiers and their heroism? What can we learn from their courage and how can we use their example to change our lives?
We can break this down into three steps the average person can use to overcome fear and take action in their lives, namely:
1) Commit to the Mission/Commit to No Return (Vision)
2) Implement Training and Practice (Planning)
3) Manifest Belief and Expectation (Execution)
Have Vision and Commit to "Death Ground"
It starts with having a vision and committing 100% to the achievement of that vision no matter what obstacles are encountered.
As General Dwight D Eisenhower said about the D-Day Invasion, "We will accept nothing less than full victory.” This same commitment was communicated throughout the ranks to every soldier under General Eisenhower's command.
This vision and commitment of our leaders/generals to the D-Day Invasion put 100% of those 160,000 troops into harms way with the only acceptable outcome: full victory (the outcome could have been complete annihilation or failure).
Looking back at the invasion it is easy to forget since we were victorious: the outcome could have been much different.
Heading into that day, no one could guarantee victory...failure and the complete loss of all 160,000 troops was one possible result of the D-Day Invasion.
Another illustration of complete commitment was written by Sun Tzu in The Art of War. He wrote of this complete commitment to moving forward and no return as creating "death ground." This "death ground" is defined as a place where an army is backed up against some geographical feature like a mountain, a river, ocean, or a forest which offers no possible escape route.
Per Sun Tzu, without a way to retreat (a complete commitment to move forward) an army fights with double or triple the spirit compared to combat on open terrain, precisely because death is viscerally present. The soldier has no choice except fight ferociously to live or die!
Sun Tzu advocated deliberately stationing soldiers on "death ground" to give them an edge of desperation which transforms people to fight like they never have before.
Our generals undoubtedly studied Sun Tzu and used this principal in the Normandy invasion. Our soldiers were shipped to the shores of Normandy and had no alternative for escape.
There was nowhere to hide in the waves of the sea where our soldiers were sitting targets for German bombs and machine guns. They were placed on "death ground" and they had no choice but to fight their way forward just for a chance to live.
Implement Training and Practice: Planning
So how can you take the average person who becomes a soldier and turn them into a hero who takes action in the face of fear?
For our soldiers it comes down to their training and practice. The constant drills, basic training, and live fire exercises. Getting used to the feel, sounds, sights, and smells of battle. The smoke, explosions, machine gun fire, and even the screams associated with the fallen.
These drills also expose soldiers to the mental, emotional, and physical stress of fatigue and adrenaline experienced in combat. They are designed as a total assault on the senses while teaching soldiers to maintain discipline, follow orders, control their actions, and press on while experiencing fear.
This training and practice helps to condition our soldiers for the terror they will experience in war. In other words, they undergo a great deal of planning for combat.
What we can learn from this is to plan for the fulfillment of our goals and dreams. Whatever your craft, practicing your craft, and training your skills for success are necessary. Also necessary is maintaining the control and discipline to follow the plan through the mental, physical, and emotional stresses along the way.
Above and beyond this practice and exercise, making a written plan (which also strengthens your commitment to that plan) is crucial for success. Additionally, pursuit of any goal or dream requires a total cohesive physical, mental, and spiritual vision and commitment to its achievement; never taking your eyes off the target and continually focusing (and refocusing) your thoughts on the achievement of that vision.
This is why I dedicated various chapters of Mentor Me to information/exercises designed to commit mentally, physically, and emotionally to creating a blueprint for goal achievement, as well as providing tools for garnering support on the path to success.
It is also why these same chapters are constructed to solidify the belief and expectation of success.
Manifest Belief and Expectation: Execution
As stated in the Bible, Matthew 17:20, "Jesus said to them, Because of your unbelief: for truly I say to you, If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."
The above passage is typically summarized as "With faith you can move mountains." When you have a deep-rooted faith (belief) and expectation of success, you are much more likely to achieve success.
Dwight D Eisenhower, our leaders, Allied generals, and our soldiers were all 100% committed to the vision of success of the D-Day Invasion. They trained, exercised, and planned for victory. Additionally, they believed in the mission and they expected to succeed.
This belief and expectation permeated all who executed this plan, from the leaders at the top down to the foot soldiers who carried out the invasion. All executed this D-Day Invasion plan with a deep-rooted vision, commitment, belief, and expectation of "full victory."
These were the thoughts I had when I penned the phrase, "Take Action: Success is not guaranteed but inaction will guaranty failure." For this reason, I purposefully chose a famous photo from the D-Day Invasion to illustrate this quote, which can be seen here at the link below:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Remember the sacrifice of our soldiers and fallen heroes today, this Memorial Day. Also remember to take action to achieve your goals and dreams on the way to transforming your life. Yes, taking action cannot guarantee success...but inaction will guaranty failure.
Remember, you can acquire the ability to take action to achieve your goals and dreams, even if you experience fear, by following these three steps:
1) Commit to the Mission/Commit to No Return (Vision)
2) Implement Training and Practice (Planning)
3) Manifest Belief and Expectation (Execution)
Have the courage to take action and live your life to the fullest in pursuit of your goals and dreams!
Have a great Memorial Day!
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
How many of us are paralyzed by fear?
The fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, or the fear of getting hurt in relationships, just to name a few fears many people experience.
The result of fear: if we succumb to it and allow it to dictate the direction of our lives, then we are guaranteed to never achieve our dreams.
Taking action requires courage: the courage to commit to a goal or dream. The courage to plan for success and follow that plan. The courage to overcome obstacles along the way to success and repel any naysayers we may encounter along the way. The courage to overcome the inertia in our lives caused by the fear of failure or the fear of getting hurt.
The amazing thing about taking action to achieve your dreams is the reaction from others. You will encounter people along the way who will tell you that you can never achieve your dreams. Or even worse, you may encounter those who try to tear you down or undermine your efforts on the road to achievement.
As I wrote in Mentor Me, "The same people who told you what you can and cannot do are only saying that because they gave up on their dreams."
Two Crabs in a Bucket
There are two types of people in this world: those who will support you in your goals and dreams, and those who won't (including those who may even attempt to block or sabotage your efforts).
It is important to surround yourself with people who will give you positive support and cheer you on. Equally important is to separate yourself from those who try to beat you down, hold you back, or undermine you in life.
There is an old adage about crabs in a bucket that illustrates this point.
As the story goes, if you put one crab in a bucket it will easily crawl out.
...but, if you put two crabs in a bucket, the second crab will clamp its claw(s) onto the leg(s) of the crab attempting to crawl out of the bucket. Therefore, the second crab will actively hinder the first crab from escaping the bucket.
The end result is neither crab will be able to crawl out of the bucket.
"Crawling out of the bucket" is a metaphor for getting ahead in life, or achieving your goals and dreams.
The moral of the story: rid your life of any crab(s) who might hold you back and/or keep you from getting out of your bucket (achieving your goals and dreams).
Soldiers Exemplify Taking Action in the Face of Fear
So why do some people take action even though they experience fear, while others are so paralyzed by fear they quit or do not take action in the first place?
...or a better question, how can someone learn to take action in the face of experiencing fear?
I believe the answer to this question is best exemplified by the courage of our soldiers while encountering severe opposition and the real specter of death.
Soldiers come from every cross section of our society and they are taught to take action in the face of fear. They learn to control their panic in war situations which would prevent most people from moving forward; soldiers make decision/take action in circumstances which the average person would be paralyzed by extreme fear into quitting or inaction.
The good news then is this: the average person can learn to take action in spite of fear.
In other words, this is a behavior we can all acquire...the ability to take action in the face of fear!
The D-Day Invasion
First, I would like to take a moment to commemorate and remember all the soldiers, veterans, and our current, active military personnel this Memorial Day. All of these individuals are heroes in my mind.
Anyone who serves our country and is willing to give their life for the United States deserves our thanks and respect.
Likewise, any soldier who has fallen in battle should be honored for giving the ultimate sacrifice for our nation.
I am using just one example of the heroism of our soldiers here, the D-Day Invasion, because it is an illustration for which most of us have studied or have a powerful visualization due to all the photos taken of this particular battle.
One cannot imagine the fear and terror soldiers engaged in the D-Day Invasion must have felt while riding in their transport ships to the shores of Normandy, France.
Listening to the seemingly infinite rounds of machine gun fire hitting the ramps of their transport ships, while waiting for those same ramps to be lowered to the sea, guaranteeing death to those stationed in the front of their ships.
As the ramps came down, rows of soldiers were struck and killed before they could even take one step into the ocean.
Soldiers behind them had to crawl over their wounded, dead, and bleeding buddies in order to get into the sea. Then push forward onto the beaches targeted by more machine gun fire, bombs, booby traps, and razor wire.
Sheer chaos and almost certain death enveloped these soldiers in the fog of war, smoke, explosions, and the screams of the fallen. Yet, through all this horror, the pieces of friends and fellow soldiers surrounding them, they still moved forward.
What we forget is, with all the planning that went into the D-Day Invasion and the 160,000 troops that took part in this operation: success was not guaranteed.
The price was high as more than 9,000 Allied soldiers died during this mission.
How can the average person develop courage?
So how can the average person be transformed into an heroic and courageous soldier?
Our soldiers had the courage to take action, to be brave in the face of the unfathomable hell that greeted them on the beaches of Normandy. Against all odds, almost impossible to imagine circumstances, and sheer terror, our soldiers showed unimaginable courage.
What can we learn from our soldiers and their heroism? What can we learn from their courage and how can we use their example to change our lives?
We can break this down into three steps the average person can use to overcome fear and take action in their lives, namely:
1) Commit to the Mission/Commit to No Return (Vision)
2) Implement Training and Practice (Planning)
3) Manifest Belief and Expectation (Execution)
Have Vision and Commit to "Death Ground"
It starts with having a vision and committing 100% to the achievement of that vision no matter what obstacles are encountered.
As General Dwight D Eisenhower said about the D-Day Invasion, "We will accept nothing less than full victory.” This same commitment was communicated throughout the ranks to every soldier under General Eisenhower's command.
This vision and commitment of our leaders/generals to the D-Day Invasion put 100% of those 160,000 troops into harms way with the only acceptable outcome: full victory (the outcome could have been complete annihilation or failure).
Looking back at the invasion it is easy to forget since we were victorious: the outcome could have been much different.
Heading into that day, no one could guarantee victory...failure and the complete loss of all 160,000 troops was one possible result of the D-Day Invasion.
Another illustration of complete commitment was written by Sun Tzu in The Art of War. He wrote of this complete commitment to moving forward and no return as creating "death ground." This "death ground" is defined as a place where an army is backed up against some geographical feature like a mountain, a river, ocean, or a forest which offers no possible escape route.
Per Sun Tzu, without a way to retreat (a complete commitment to move forward) an army fights with double or triple the spirit compared to combat on open terrain, precisely because death is viscerally present. The soldier has no choice except fight ferociously to live or die!
Sun Tzu advocated deliberately stationing soldiers on "death ground" to give them an edge of desperation which transforms people to fight like they never have before.
Our generals undoubtedly studied Sun Tzu and used this principal in the Normandy invasion. Our soldiers were shipped to the shores of Normandy and had no alternative for escape.
There was nowhere to hide in the waves of the sea where our soldiers were sitting targets for German bombs and machine guns. They were placed on "death ground" and they had no choice but to fight their way forward just for a chance to live.
Implement Training and Practice: Planning
So how can you take the average person who becomes a soldier and turn them into a hero who takes action in the face of fear?
For our soldiers it comes down to their training and practice. The constant drills, basic training, and live fire exercises. Getting used to the feel, sounds, sights, and smells of battle. The smoke, explosions, machine gun fire, and even the screams associated with the fallen.
These drills also expose soldiers to the mental, emotional, and physical stress of fatigue and adrenaline experienced in combat. They are designed as a total assault on the senses while teaching soldiers to maintain discipline, follow orders, control their actions, and press on while experiencing fear.
This training and practice helps to condition our soldiers for the terror they will experience in war. In other words, they undergo a great deal of planning for combat.
What we can learn from this is to plan for the fulfillment of our goals and dreams. Whatever your craft, practicing your craft, and training your skills for success are necessary. Also necessary is maintaining the control and discipline to follow the plan through the mental, physical, and emotional stresses along the way.
Above and beyond this practice and exercise, making a written plan (which also strengthens your commitment to that plan) is crucial for success. Additionally, pursuit of any goal or dream requires a total cohesive physical, mental, and spiritual vision and commitment to its achievement; never taking your eyes off the target and continually focusing (and refocusing) your thoughts on the achievement of that vision.
This is why I dedicated various chapters of Mentor Me to information/exercises designed to commit mentally, physically, and emotionally to creating a blueprint for goal achievement, as well as providing tools for garnering support on the path to success.
It is also why these same chapters are constructed to solidify the belief and expectation of success.
Manifest Belief and Expectation: Execution
As stated in the Bible, Matthew 17:20, "Jesus said to them, Because of your unbelief: for truly I say to you, If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."
The above passage is typically summarized as "With faith you can move mountains." When you have a deep-rooted faith (belief) and expectation of success, you are much more likely to achieve success.
Dwight D Eisenhower, our leaders, Allied generals, and our soldiers were all 100% committed to the vision of success of the D-Day Invasion. They trained, exercised, and planned for victory. Additionally, they believed in the mission and they expected to succeed.
This belief and expectation permeated all who executed this plan, from the leaders at the top down to the foot soldiers who carried out the invasion. All executed this D-Day Invasion plan with a deep-rooted vision, commitment, belief, and expectation of "full victory."
These were the thoughts I had when I penned the phrase, "Take Action: Success is not guaranteed but inaction will guaranty failure." For this reason, I purposefully chose a famous photo from the D-Day Invasion to illustrate this quote, which can be seen here at the link below:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Remember the sacrifice of our soldiers and fallen heroes today, this Memorial Day. Also remember to take action to achieve your goals and dreams on the way to transforming your life. Yes, taking action cannot guarantee success...but inaction will guaranty failure.
Remember, you can acquire the ability to take action to achieve your goals and dreams, even if you experience fear, by following these three steps:
1) Commit to the Mission/Commit to No Return (Vision)
2) Implement Training and Practice (Planning)
3) Manifest Belief and Expectation (Execution)
Have the courage to take action and live your life to the fullest in pursuit of your goals and dreams!
Have a great Memorial Day!
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
With Great Love Comes Great Forgiveness...
Dating in a Fast-Paced Society
In our fast-paced society filled with professionals spending endless hours dedicated to their careers, online dating has become a fixture.
Albeit a convenient necessity to help expand social circles, as well as an opportunity to meet someone new while permitting complete flexibility to work the relationship into our busy lifestyles.
You can't spend almost 5 hours a day with someone for three months, even online, without getting to know quite a bit about the person.
So was the case with Tania.
In appearance on video chat she was a mousy girl, and I mean that affectionately.
A bit shy at times, with big brown, beautiful sparkling eyes filled with life, enthusiasm, and the inquisitive brilliance of playful curiosity.
Her eyes were her most striking feature, as I am always most attracted to a girls' eyes at first.
Hers smiled radiantly through the endless miles that separated us; her eyes brought us closely connected together, an unbreakable bond.
Then there was her hair; long dark, shimmering, luscious, silky locks which danced with her endless expressions and effervescent smile. Sometimes her hair was up, sometimes down, or drawn to one side gently caressing her soft, smooth, delicate neck.
Frequently at night she wore glasses, which just added to the studious, intelligent, cute, mousy-girl-look which I found so attractive.
We would share everything together over those months: our hopes, dreams, and ambitions in life; even our thoughts on family and raising children together.
During that whole time, very few days passed without long conversations. Maybe twice a full twenty-four hours passed when we both knew we would have to wait for our next rendezvous, due to commitments with family or friends.
She dreamed of becoming a fashion designer and showed me some of her work; a painting and drawing from her studies.
A skirt she designed; a long, full-length skirt with sheer blue fabric. The skirt was draped and sewn perfectly to appear and allow for flowing movement; it looked beautiful and very impressive. Not that I know much about fashion design myself, none more than I have seen on "Project Runway," but still, it made an impression as it was quite stunning.
We can all appreciate it when someone has passion for their work or a special project with which they are involved. Just as we can all recognize talent. This girl had both; passion for all that she did, especially design, and a depth of talent.
Then there were the other cute things she made. Drapes for her windows, a design she sewed on her sofa cushion at home, and various decorations, like Christmas ornaments; the kind of attention to detail and passion which makes a house a home.
It made me feel, and I imagined myself, as a proud husband with a wife who took great joy in making a warm, cozy place for all to spend their time as a family.
She also starred in a couple music videos. She never mentioned them, but I stumbled over them online. When I asked about them her response was quiet humility.
It is a rare beauty who can be both cute and sexy: a truly scarce combination. Most women can only be one or the other; she was both...cute and sexy at the same time.
The Perfect First Date
It was my 5th time to visit the Ukraine. Tania and I had really connected online, but you never know if that connection will carry over to an in person, face-to-face meeting or not.
Anyone who has spent any time in the online dating world knows, sometimes you hit it off with someone online, yet when you meet, the same chemistry is just not there. For this reason, there was a lot of anxiety leading up to my meeting with Tania in Odessa, Ukraine.
I so desperately wanted to know what it would be like together in person, and I had butterflies in my stomach over the anticipation.
Could this really be the one? Would our inseparable connection online be as strong in person, or would we feel that awkward silence of no connection at all?
I contacted a friend in Odessa before my visit, an old girlfriend from a previous trip with whom a romantic relationship had not progressed into a serious future.
I wanted my first date and meeting with Tania to be perfect, so I asked my friend, Aliona, to help me prepare a special, favorable first impression for Tania.
As I do not speak the language in Odessa, predominately Russian, I would need help finding and buying items for my first date with Tania. I wanted to have flowers for her and her translator, champagne, and I asked Aliona for suggestions to make everything as romantic as possible, from a Ukrainian girls' point of view.
Tania's Arrival and Our First Date
Aliona and I scrambled to have all ready for Tania by the time she arrived. Tania was scheduled to arrive a couple hours after noon and when Aliona and I called her, we found Tania was arriving early.
We had bought apples, mangoes, flowers, and champagne for Tania and her translator.
As Aliona was cutting the fruit, I dashed down the hall to the property manager's office; I needed vases for the two sets of flowers...red roses for Tania and yellow, friendship, roses for her translator.
Maria, the flat manager, emptied flowers out of one vase and graciously gave it to me, along with a second empty vase.
As I returned to the flat, Aliona had finished cutting up the apples and was skinning the mangoes. Aliona informed me (not that I would know), "If you leave the skin on, the mangoes are bitter, so it is best to take the skin off."
Our original intention was for Aliona to leave before Tania arrived, as you do not want your ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend to meet, since it could make all a little uncomfortable (and especially on our first date).
Tania arrived early. I walked outside, greeted her with a hug, and offered to help her (and her translator) with their luggage.
I pointed out my flat as we passed it on the way to theirs, which was further down the hall. I opened their door, gave them the key, and took Tania's suitcase inside. I told the translator once they are settled into their flat, to please come by my flat.
As Aliona finished the last plate of fruit, there was a knock on my door. Here was the uncomfortable moment I was hoping to avoid: ex-girlfriend meets new girlfriend. Just a couple more minutes and Aliona would have been gone.
The mishap and unintentional meeting only added to my already nervous anxiety. I opened the door and gestured to the red roses on the window sill, which I had placed in their vase just seconds before. Tania told her translator I should present them to her...my first mistake besides Aliona still being there.
Aliona is an intuitive girl and she knew it was time to leave. So as not to be rude to Aliona, who had helped me all morning, I politely excused myself and hurriedly escorted her out of the building.
We walked quickly across the courtyard and said goodbye. As I gave her a friendly hug she said, "Tania...she has foxy eyes. Be careful!"
I thanked Aliona for her help and we bid farewell.
Translation Disaster
Later that evening, Tania, her translator, Gala, and I went to a club. Our first date which started out with such anxiety and many timing mishaps on my part, was turning out quite beautifully.
Tania and I were sitting next to each other holding hands, while Gala was sitting across the table from us. It was cold in Odessa in February, near zero Celsius, so I had worn a sports jacket under my coat. We had checked our coats upon entry to the club, so I took off my sports jacket as it was a bit warm inside.
Tania was even more beautiful in person. Full of life and energy, those eyes dancing as her radiance filled the room. I will never forget her smile, the way her hair shined in the light with crowning perfection. I was smitten; filled with the heavenly sound and cadence of her voice, as I felt the magic, tingling energy of her touch.
I leaned over to our translator, Gala, and said, "We have a lot in common." Gala spoke to Tania in Russian and everything changed that instant.
Tania was obviously offended. She tossed away my hand and refused to look at me!
Just like that...in one instance all changed 180 degrees. I could not figure out what happened at first; I asked Gala what she had said to Tania to cause such a reaction.
I looked at Gala struck with bewildered disbelief. Gala looked at Tania again and they spoke. This time Tania's speech was fast, angry, defensive, and dismissive.
Gala looked over at me and said, "I am sorry, I mistranslated." She tried to explain the mistake to Tania, but she would not hear of it.
I leaned over and tried to hold Tania's hand, which was now far away in her stretched out arms on the table; she would not respond and she ignored me.
Gala gestured for us to go and we walked out of the club. I was so upset I completely forgot my sports jacket...which was never seen again.
We retrieved our coats from the entrance of the club; next was the most uncomfortable taxi ride I have ever experienced. Tania did not want to be there and especially not stuck in the back of the taxi with me.
Gala continued to plead with Tania, but she was not in the mood to listen. Gala apologized to me over and over again.
All I could figure is she might have translated my words as, "We do not have a lot in common" instead of "We have a lot in common." I was not even sure if that was the source of the confusion and miscommunication.
We all arrived back at my flat and the girls came inside; I sat on the bed while they sat on the couch across from me.
Tania would not listen to anything we said, instead, she turned to Gala and mentioned something about me, and then stormed out of the flat.
At this moment I was overcome by emotion. All the anticipation, the months leading up to this moment, scheduling our first meeting, the preparation, the nervous energy and hope...it all came crashing over me like a giant wave of pressure needing to be released.
My eyes welled up with tears which spilled out over their lids and rolled down my cheeks, then dripped off my chin. I looked over at Gala with mournful despondency and said, "I can't make her love me."
That was the end of our first evening together. So much for creating the perfect first date...
The Day After Disaster
I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early, much earlier than normal, and really did not know what to do.
Some girls want you to come after them, to chase them, to try to make things right. Other girls want you to leave them alone, completely, and forever, while some want you to wait and let them come to you.
It is difficult enough to know what to do in the USA, let alone in a completely different culture, language, and country.
I waited for a while. I showered and cleaned up hoping to hear from Tania or Gala for some direction. Nothing...the morning continued with silence.
"Maybe the girls are not up yet," I thought. I had been hungry since I woke up, so I decided to get some breakfast, think about all that had transpired that evening, then decide what to do next.
On my way out of the flat I saw the three tickets I had procured for the ballet, one for each of us for that evening.
During our conversations, Tania had mentioned she had never been to the ballet, so I had purchased tickets for us. I thought, "Regardless of what happens, I still want to take her to the ballet, even if she does not want to date me anymore; I can still take her as friends."
A few hours after I arrived back from breakfast, Gala sheepishly tapped on my door. As I opened it she said, "I don't know what do do. Tania packed her bags and she wants to go back home to Kherson. Both of you were crying last night and I do not know what to do."
I explained how I would still like to take them both to the ballet that evening, no matter what. I told her to have Tania come over to my flat, by herself, so we can see if we can work all this out together in private.
I wanted to work it out. Gala had made a mistranslation the previous evening which began the whole misunderstanding in the first place, so I figured it was best if Tania and I spoke alone.
I had a pocket translator so we could type to each other, and there was always the computer I brought, as well as the computer belonging to the flat; we would be able to communicate.
Shortly thereafter, there was a knock on the door. Tania looked miserable, truly unhappy; the look of a girl who had been crying all night long. She walked across the room as I closed the door; she sat on window sill, which was directly opposite the door, as far away from me as possible.
I walked over and put my arms around her, warmly, gently, and kissed her as I held her in my arms.
She got up and moved over to the bed, walking with a defensive posture, arms crossed in front of her and eyes looking down to the floor, avoiding mine.
I moved over to the bed where she was sitting, her back against the wall at the head of the bed. I lay down next to her, with my arms gently around her legs and looked up. I took the electronic translator out of my pocket and glanced up once more.
I was wearing a baseball cap and she took it off, tossing it aside, so she could better see my eyes. She typed and passed the pocket translator to me so I could see what she wrote, "I sorry for my bad behavior."
I gazed at her with warmth, compassion, and love in my eyes, typed, then handed her back the translator so she could read my words, "With great love comes great forgiveness."
The Happiest Day of My Life
We went to the ballet that evening and had a great time. We met up with her friend Vlada, who lived in Odessa, and also had a wonderful late night at a club.
The next day we had sushi at the restaurant by our flat. This picture was taken there:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Per my suggestion, and since Tania had never been to the beach in Odessa, we took a taxi to the Arcadia area by the sea.
It was cold and windy by the water and Tania's gorgeous hair, always made agonizingly perfect was amusingly wind-blown as we shivered from the biting, damp, cold, salty air. She looked at me and ran her hands through her hair in surrender at her unusually disorderly appearance, as we laughed together.
We dodged into the nearest cafe for respite from the cold and hot tea to warm us up, while we looked out the window over at the Black Sea. As our eyes met, we both knew what we were feeling; the connection online was now just as strong in person.
We arrived back at our flat, packed the taxi, and left for Kherson together. We were in the back seat which was stuffed with a few of our things that did not fit in the trunk.
She looked over at me, smiled, and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly the whole way to Kherson, for almost three hours. As she glanced over at me from time-to-time, catching my eyes and smiling; I could see her heart, radiance, and soul through her eyes.
That taxi ride from Odessa to Kherson is the moment she fell in love with me.
We stopped once for gasoline (petrol) and she excused herself to the restroom. My hand had fallen asleep; I did not care for it was holding the hand of the one I loved.
As she exited the taxi, I moved my fingers to shake out that tell-tale pins-and-needles feeling. As she entered the taxi again, she immediately reached over, smiled, and grabbed my hand.
That was the best day of my life.
In that moment, I held in my hand everything I had longed for my entire life. That feeling, the kind of love that makes you question if you have ever truly felt love before.
No one mattered from before nor had anyone ever mattered in that instance, except for Tania.
In all the world there was only Tania and me; me and Tania. No one else in the entire universe existed...just me and Tania.
Always remember: with great love comes great forgiveness.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
In our fast-paced society filled with professionals spending endless hours dedicated to their careers, online dating has become a fixture.
Albeit a convenient necessity to help expand social circles, as well as an opportunity to meet someone new while permitting complete flexibility to work the relationship into our busy lifestyles.
You can't spend almost 5 hours a day with someone for three months, even online, without getting to know quite a bit about the person.
So was the case with Tania.
In appearance on video chat she was a mousy girl, and I mean that affectionately.
A bit shy at times, with big brown, beautiful sparkling eyes filled with life, enthusiasm, and the inquisitive brilliance of playful curiosity.
Her eyes were her most striking feature, as I am always most attracted to a girls' eyes at first.
Hers smiled radiantly through the endless miles that separated us; her eyes brought us closely connected together, an unbreakable bond.
Then there was her hair; long dark, shimmering, luscious, silky locks which danced with her endless expressions and effervescent smile. Sometimes her hair was up, sometimes down, or drawn to one side gently caressing her soft, smooth, delicate neck.
Frequently at night she wore glasses, which just added to the studious, intelligent, cute, mousy-girl-look which I found so attractive.
We would share everything together over those months: our hopes, dreams, and ambitions in life; even our thoughts on family and raising children together.
During that whole time, very few days passed without long conversations. Maybe twice a full twenty-four hours passed when we both knew we would have to wait for our next rendezvous, due to commitments with family or friends.
She dreamed of becoming a fashion designer and showed me some of her work; a painting and drawing from her studies.
A skirt she designed; a long, full-length skirt with sheer blue fabric. The skirt was draped and sewn perfectly to appear and allow for flowing movement; it looked beautiful and very impressive. Not that I know much about fashion design myself, none more than I have seen on "Project Runway," but still, it made an impression as it was quite stunning.
We can all appreciate it when someone has passion for their work or a special project with which they are involved. Just as we can all recognize talent. This girl had both; passion for all that she did, especially design, and a depth of talent.
Then there were the other cute things she made. Drapes for her windows, a design she sewed on her sofa cushion at home, and various decorations, like Christmas ornaments; the kind of attention to detail and passion which makes a house a home.
It made me feel, and I imagined myself, as a proud husband with a wife who took great joy in making a warm, cozy place for all to spend their time as a family.
She also starred in a couple music videos. She never mentioned them, but I stumbled over them online. When I asked about them her response was quiet humility.
It is a rare beauty who can be both cute and sexy: a truly scarce combination. Most women can only be one or the other; she was both...cute and sexy at the same time.
The Perfect First Date
It was my 5th time to visit the Ukraine. Tania and I had really connected online, but you never know if that connection will carry over to an in person, face-to-face meeting or not.
Anyone who has spent any time in the online dating world knows, sometimes you hit it off with someone online, yet when you meet, the same chemistry is just not there. For this reason, there was a lot of anxiety leading up to my meeting with Tania in Odessa, Ukraine.
I so desperately wanted to know what it would be like together in person, and I had butterflies in my stomach over the anticipation.
Could this really be the one? Would our inseparable connection online be as strong in person, or would we feel that awkward silence of no connection at all?
I contacted a friend in Odessa before my visit, an old girlfriend from a previous trip with whom a romantic relationship had not progressed into a serious future.
I wanted my first date and meeting with Tania to be perfect, so I asked my friend, Aliona, to help me prepare a special, favorable first impression for Tania.
As I do not speak the language in Odessa, predominately Russian, I would need help finding and buying items for my first date with Tania. I wanted to have flowers for her and her translator, champagne, and I asked Aliona for suggestions to make everything as romantic as possible, from a Ukrainian girls' point of view.
Tania's Arrival and Our First Date
Aliona and I scrambled to have all ready for Tania by the time she arrived. Tania was scheduled to arrive a couple hours after noon and when Aliona and I called her, we found Tania was arriving early.
We had bought apples, mangoes, flowers, and champagne for Tania and her translator.
As Aliona was cutting the fruit, I dashed down the hall to the property manager's office; I needed vases for the two sets of flowers...red roses for Tania and yellow, friendship, roses for her translator.
Maria, the flat manager, emptied flowers out of one vase and graciously gave it to me, along with a second empty vase.
As I returned to the flat, Aliona had finished cutting up the apples and was skinning the mangoes. Aliona informed me (not that I would know), "If you leave the skin on, the mangoes are bitter, so it is best to take the skin off."
Our original intention was for Aliona to leave before Tania arrived, as you do not want your ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend to meet, since it could make all a little uncomfortable (and especially on our first date).
Tania arrived early. I walked outside, greeted her with a hug, and offered to help her (and her translator) with their luggage.
I pointed out my flat as we passed it on the way to theirs, which was further down the hall. I opened their door, gave them the key, and took Tania's suitcase inside. I told the translator once they are settled into their flat, to please come by my flat.
As Aliona finished the last plate of fruit, there was a knock on my door. Here was the uncomfortable moment I was hoping to avoid: ex-girlfriend meets new girlfriend. Just a couple more minutes and Aliona would have been gone.
The mishap and unintentional meeting only added to my already nervous anxiety. I opened the door and gestured to the red roses on the window sill, which I had placed in their vase just seconds before. Tania told her translator I should present them to her...my first mistake besides Aliona still being there.
Aliona is an intuitive girl and she knew it was time to leave. So as not to be rude to Aliona, who had helped me all morning, I politely excused myself and hurriedly escorted her out of the building.
We walked quickly across the courtyard and said goodbye. As I gave her a friendly hug she said, "Tania...she has foxy eyes. Be careful!"
I thanked Aliona for her help and we bid farewell.
Translation Disaster
Later that evening, Tania, her translator, Gala, and I went to a club. Our first date which started out with such anxiety and many timing mishaps on my part, was turning out quite beautifully.
Tania and I were sitting next to each other holding hands, while Gala was sitting across the table from us. It was cold in Odessa in February, near zero Celsius, so I had worn a sports jacket under my coat. We had checked our coats upon entry to the club, so I took off my sports jacket as it was a bit warm inside.
Tania was even more beautiful in person. Full of life and energy, those eyes dancing as her radiance filled the room. I will never forget her smile, the way her hair shined in the light with crowning perfection. I was smitten; filled with the heavenly sound and cadence of her voice, as I felt the magic, tingling energy of her touch.
I leaned over to our translator, Gala, and said, "We have a lot in common." Gala spoke to Tania in Russian and everything changed that instant.
Tania was obviously offended. She tossed away my hand and refused to look at me!
Just like that...in one instance all changed 180 degrees. I could not figure out what happened at first; I asked Gala what she had said to Tania to cause such a reaction.
I looked at Gala struck with bewildered disbelief. Gala looked at Tania again and they spoke. This time Tania's speech was fast, angry, defensive, and dismissive.
Gala looked over at me and said, "I am sorry, I mistranslated." She tried to explain the mistake to Tania, but she would not hear of it.
I leaned over and tried to hold Tania's hand, which was now far away in her stretched out arms on the table; she would not respond and she ignored me.
Gala gestured for us to go and we walked out of the club. I was so upset I completely forgot my sports jacket...which was never seen again.
We retrieved our coats from the entrance of the club; next was the most uncomfortable taxi ride I have ever experienced. Tania did not want to be there and especially not stuck in the back of the taxi with me.
Gala continued to plead with Tania, but she was not in the mood to listen. Gala apologized to me over and over again.
All I could figure is she might have translated my words as, "We do not have a lot in common" instead of "We have a lot in common." I was not even sure if that was the source of the confusion and miscommunication.
We all arrived back at my flat and the girls came inside; I sat on the bed while they sat on the couch across from me.
Tania would not listen to anything we said, instead, she turned to Gala and mentioned something about me, and then stormed out of the flat.
At this moment I was overcome by emotion. All the anticipation, the months leading up to this moment, scheduling our first meeting, the preparation, the nervous energy and hope...it all came crashing over me like a giant wave of pressure needing to be released.
My eyes welled up with tears which spilled out over their lids and rolled down my cheeks, then dripped off my chin. I looked over at Gala with mournful despondency and said, "I can't make her love me."
That was the end of our first evening together. So much for creating the perfect first date...
The Day After Disaster
I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early, much earlier than normal, and really did not know what to do.
Some girls want you to come after them, to chase them, to try to make things right. Other girls want you to leave them alone, completely, and forever, while some want you to wait and let them come to you.
It is difficult enough to know what to do in the USA, let alone in a completely different culture, language, and country.
I waited for a while. I showered and cleaned up hoping to hear from Tania or Gala for some direction. Nothing...the morning continued with silence.
"Maybe the girls are not up yet," I thought. I had been hungry since I woke up, so I decided to get some breakfast, think about all that had transpired that evening, then decide what to do next.
On my way out of the flat I saw the three tickets I had procured for the ballet, one for each of us for that evening.
During our conversations, Tania had mentioned she had never been to the ballet, so I had purchased tickets for us. I thought, "Regardless of what happens, I still want to take her to the ballet, even if she does not want to date me anymore; I can still take her as friends."
A few hours after I arrived back from breakfast, Gala sheepishly tapped on my door. As I opened it she said, "I don't know what do do. Tania packed her bags and she wants to go back home to Kherson. Both of you were crying last night and I do not know what to do."
I explained how I would still like to take them both to the ballet that evening, no matter what. I told her to have Tania come over to my flat, by herself, so we can see if we can work all this out together in private.
I wanted to work it out. Gala had made a mistranslation the previous evening which began the whole misunderstanding in the first place, so I figured it was best if Tania and I spoke alone.
I had a pocket translator so we could type to each other, and there was always the computer I brought, as well as the computer belonging to the flat; we would be able to communicate.
Shortly thereafter, there was a knock on the door. Tania looked miserable, truly unhappy; the look of a girl who had been crying all night long. She walked across the room as I closed the door; she sat on window sill, which was directly opposite the door, as far away from me as possible.
I walked over and put my arms around her, warmly, gently, and kissed her as I held her in my arms.
She got up and moved over to the bed, walking with a defensive posture, arms crossed in front of her and eyes looking down to the floor, avoiding mine.
I moved over to the bed where she was sitting, her back against the wall at the head of the bed. I lay down next to her, with my arms gently around her legs and looked up. I took the electronic translator out of my pocket and glanced up once more.
I was wearing a baseball cap and she took it off, tossing it aside, so she could better see my eyes. She typed and passed the pocket translator to me so I could see what she wrote, "I sorry for my bad behavior."
I gazed at her with warmth, compassion, and love in my eyes, typed, then handed her back the translator so she could read my words, "With great love comes great forgiveness."
The Happiest Day of My Life
We went to the ballet that evening and had a great time. We met up with her friend Vlada, who lived in Odessa, and also had a wonderful late night at a club.
The next day we had sushi at the restaurant by our flat. This picture was taken there:
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Per my suggestion, and since Tania had never been to the beach in Odessa, we took a taxi to the Arcadia area by the sea.
It was cold and windy by the water and Tania's gorgeous hair, always made agonizingly perfect was amusingly wind-blown as we shivered from the biting, damp, cold, salty air. She looked at me and ran her hands through her hair in surrender at her unusually disorderly appearance, as we laughed together.
We dodged into the nearest cafe for respite from the cold and hot tea to warm us up, while we looked out the window over at the Black Sea. As our eyes met, we both knew what we were feeling; the connection online was now just as strong in person.
We arrived back at our flat, packed the taxi, and left for Kherson together. We were in the back seat which was stuffed with a few of our things that did not fit in the trunk.
She looked over at me, smiled, and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly the whole way to Kherson, for almost three hours. As she glanced over at me from time-to-time, catching my eyes and smiling; I could see her heart, radiance, and soul through her eyes.
That taxi ride from Odessa to Kherson is the moment she fell in love with me.
We stopped once for gasoline (petrol) and she excused herself to the restroom. My hand had fallen asleep; I did not care for it was holding the hand of the one I loved.
As she exited the taxi, I moved my fingers to shake out that tell-tale pins-and-needles feeling. As she entered the taxi again, she immediately reached over, smiled, and grabbed my hand.
That was the best day of my life.
In that moment, I held in my hand everything I had longed for my entire life. That feeling, the kind of love that makes you question if you have ever truly felt love before.
No one mattered from before nor had anyone ever mattered in that instance, except for Tania.
In all the world there was only Tania and me; me and Tania. No one else in the entire universe existed...just me and Tania.
Always remember: with great love comes great forgiveness.
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
Mentor Me: GA=T+E—A Formula to Fulfill Your Greatest Achievement
Ken Poirot
