Robert C. Day's Blog, page 24

The Doo-Doo Diet

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There are diets aplenty out there, from the ever popular Atkins to the trendy Paleo, with acast of thousands in between. But ask yourself– which of those expert dieticians askedyou about whatyou specificallyneed for your body type? I’m willing to bet that the answer isnone of ’em!

This is about to change, my friend. Today, I reveal to you the most exciting diet concept to ever grace your perfectly formed mind. And here’s the good news – it’s all about you!

This diet will change the way you l...

Character Map – Dave Roberts

His name is Dave Roberts, nickname Davey. He was born on the 30th of July 1964 and so is now 52. At a shade under 6ft and an umph above 11 stone he carries his grey hair and baby blue eyes with a lightness that belies his years. He needs no lenses for his eyes even though he can feel his focus fading around the edges, and he has no piercings, tattoosor major scars. His sharp nose speaks of a possible lineage back to Julius Caesar, which in turn reveals a fondness for wishful thinking.

Typical...

Poorly, Sick and Dying

I haven’t been feeling too hot over the past few days – here are the symptoms:

Bones that feel like someone took them out while I wasn’t looking, used them for clubbing bears with, then put them back rather clumsily. A nose that secretes slimy, lumpy liquid the various colours of foetid jungle remains. A throat that collapses when I try to sleep, so that I go through the night making zombie impersonations; and by that, I mean very loud moaning! A headache that robs life all things of enjoyme...

The Leaving

(follows on fromThe Letter,The StepandThe Fist)

It’s late and I’m tired so I won’t embellish this. Like my dad had told me to, I asked my mum if he hit her and she said ‘yes.’ Either she misremembers or my dad does, but more likely that they both have different words for the same thing.

Whatever the reason for the slight difference of opinion, that was the night she left the house, to pick up my littlest sister from the birthday party she was at. Neither of them ever came back.

My bigger sist...

Funny Ha-ha or Funny Peculiar

I tell a joke or two and suddenly everyone thinks I’m a comedian, when really I’m just a laughing stock.

The Fist

(related toThe LetterandThe Step)

He slammed his fist down so hard on the table that the glasses rattled, beer whipped to a storm by the lashing of his angry mind. And yet he was only doing it to prove a point.

“This is hitting!” he said as he slammed his fist down again.

It didn’t cross my mind to provoke him further byshowing that he was not the only one who could hit things. I was calm. I was in control. He did not have to power to move me to fearlike he had so many time when I was a child...

The Step

Who can be sure about memory? They say that even the truest seeming reminiscence, retrieveddiligently from the arrayed banksin thebrain, can be false.

So I went back.

The train journey was uneventful, so enough said about that. But then I struggled to find the bus stop. In fact –even the bus station was gone – knocked down years ago so that yet another office box could sit in its place. There it squatted – no doubt coldly dreaming of ghost buses passing through its bowels, but of little help...

The Letter

What you have to remember is that I never meant to hurt anyone. It wasn’tmy fault that out of all my father’s children, I was the only oneto see it. I couldn’t help that no more than I could alter the shape of my nose. Or my fate.

For me,the end beganwhen I found the letter. Oh, I know it there was stuff before then. I mean – the letter had to have been written beforehe dropped it on the ground on his way to meet that woman.

I now know what he would have felt had he known that that I had foun...

Reality

This may be presumptuous of me, but mayI touch your hand? You see, I’m investigating reality and they say that it’ssomething to do withsensory impressions.

When I say they, I mean thepeople who write the internet. They say thatreality is ‘the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined’ (OED) and when I question them moreclosely, they seem to suggest that it’s all about material, and thatI can jolly well trot-off and investigate it myself with m...

Planning for Next Assignment

Next assignment is due in February – time to get cracking.

I’ve decided to cast myself as an unreliable narrator. I’ll have conversations with the family and tease outinstances where I remember things one way and others rememberthings differently. That shouldn’t be difficult.

What I’ll end up with is an autobiographical piece where the reader is left guessing as to which parts of my narrative will be fact and which will be fantasy. The story will weave in episodes of my life – both real and i...