Poorly, Sick and Dying

I haven’t been feeling too hot over the past few days – here are the symptoms:

Bones that feel like someone took them out while I wasn’t looking, used them for clubbing bears with, then put them back rather clumsily. A nose that secretes slimy, lumpy liquid the various colours of foetid jungle remains. A throat that collapses when I try to sleep, so that I go through the night making zombie impersonations; and by that, I mean very loud moaning! A headache that robs life all things of enjoyme...