James Hauenstein's Blog, page 86

Fun At Your Next Party

All acrossAmerica,I mean,in theUnited States,people are having fun with these local websites,
while potential companions are checking up on you before your first date with them,and your next employer is looking to see if you are a good fit for their company.What am I talking about?Am I talking about yourFacebookpage,where you put up those degrading pictures of yourself at aNew Year Evesparty?No,that is bad too,but,
what I am talking about is your localCounty Sheriff'swebsites!Sheriff Departments,all across this land,have information about you,your friends,and your family,which isPublic Information.Meaning,anyone can look it up,free of charge!I will give you some examples in my local area.For instant,inSan Diegowe have;Arrest Warrants.Yes,you can look up that deadbeatDad,who doesn't pay his child support,to see if he has aWarrantout for hisArrest.And if he does,go to their"Submit a Tip" web-page,to give any information you have,Anonymously.They prefer hearing about one drug addict turning in another,but they will happily take any information you have.Another fun web-page I like to use at parties,when someone doesn't show up,is to see"Who's in Jail."This one is from theRiverside County Sheriff's DepartmentinCalifornia. You can see theirArrest Date,Bail,Court Date,Charges, andRelease Date.  Now,isn't this fun?If you really want to party,Court Recordsare available asPublic Information 
too!
This is,I Have Already Checked My Wisconsin Court Records,And They Have All Been Deleted,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“He was a man more concerned with the truth than his arrest quota, a philosophy that would often have him skate on thin ice with the higher ups.”
  -Bruce Crown, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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If you are reading this on aCell-Phone,below this story you will see aLinkwhere it says;View Web Version.To truly get the full benefit of myBlog,I suggest you view the web version.You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it.Thanks again.

Strange, That It Took Me So Long To Enjoy This Thing

I know I am late to the party,but I just finished the first season of "Stranger Things!"  It starts out really slow,but once it gets going,the story is exciting. I've been looking for a good program to watch,and I am glad I found this program.Of course,it was recommended from everybody I have talked to.But I guess I was stubborn about the whole thingand didn't watch it until I was completely bored.I highly recommend it!
This is,Still Trying To Get Back Into Full Swing Of Writing,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“From even the greatest of horrors, irony is seldom absent.”
 - H.P. Lovecraft, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Strange, That It Took Me So Long To Enoy This Thing

I know I am late to the party,but I just finished the first season of "Stranger Things!"  It starts out really slow,but once it gets going,the story is exciting. I've been looking for a good program to watch,and I am glad I found this program.Of course,it was recommended from everybody I have talked to.But I guess I was stubborn about the whole thingand didn't watch it until I was completely bored.I highly recommend it!
This is,Still Trying To Get Back Into Full Swing Of Writing,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“From even the greatest of horrors, irony is seldom absent.”
 - H.P. Lovecraft, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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OMG!

And let me tell you,I never thought,in my lifetime,that I would use that acronym.But,I finally knowand can feel,what that abbreviation truly means now.Sitting here,writing for the first time,in such a long time,is like meeting an old friend,and getting reacquainted,all over again.Is that an oxymoron statement?Who Cares!It just feels so wonderful to be writing again,in the comfort of my own home.I want to thank all of the people,from all over the world,who keep coming back to read my material,even though I haven't put pen to paper in such a long time.I feel honored that you keep coming back.Now,what to write about?Hell,all I want to write about,is how much I missed writing,how I missed reading theCommentspeople leave,and how I know I wrote a good story,by the numbers of readers,who keep coming back to read that story.Writing is my knew best friend.I can't explain how I feel inside when I am not writing.I do have my detractors though.People who have told me that I am wasting my time,with my writing,because I am not making any money at it. I guess I am one of those people,who doesn't have to do everything in life,just forMoney. I write,because I like to.I haveCreative Juices,inside of me,which need an outlet.And,as long as people keep coming back,to read what I have written,I think,I will keep on writing!
This is,Happy To Be Back In The Saddle,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
- Maya Angelou, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading.
If you are reading this on aCell-Phone,below this story you will see aLinkwhere it says;View Web Version.To truly get the full benefit of myBlog,I suggest you view the web version.You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it.Thanks again. 

You May Be Wondering

You may be wondering,"What has happened to my favorite writer, TwoBuckHowie? Why is he not writing?"Well,I have been using my son's computer ever since my computer crashed earlier this year.He has asked me to speed up his computer for him,so he can compete better online,with some of the games he plays.And withWorking,Family,watchingFormula 1,andEating,I don't seem to have as much time as I used to.To accomplish his request as quickly as possible I mean. Right now,I am at theTemecula Public Librarywriting thisPost,to keep myFriends,myReaders,and myFamilyupdated on my whereabouts,so everyone doesn't think that I am out illor something.  Hopefully,I will have finished with his computer byThanksgiving Dayand I can bring out of mothballs,my oldXP Laptop!Now won't that be fun to play with.
 This is,Thanking Everyone For Coming BackAnd Still Reading Everything I Have To Offer On This Blog,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
- Jorge Luis Borges -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading?
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Thanks for reading.

The Pink Pilferer

   "Do you remember old Earth history?" Says Selenium. A miner's daughter, born on the moon Ganymede, which orbits Jupiter. "You know, right?" Asking questions, but not really expecting an answer from Ru44. Her android companion, who actually does everything on board the space pirate ship, The Pink Pilferer. "It's just like Earth's past history, in the United States, living out here like we do."
   Ru44 is piloting The Pink Pilferer, as Selenium babbles on the subject of the old wild west history she has just read about. How on the frontier, justice was dueled out by a majority rule. A mob rule. When there where few and far between Peace Officers, in the outlying Territories. Just like it is in the outlying coordinates of the Solar System.
   When Transporters, a name given to the crews of the ships hauling good and services, back and forth between mining colonies, on an off chance catch a Pirate past the last authorized governing body of the planet Mars, they quickly become judge, jury, and executioner. Telling the Pirate that he will have to, "walk the plank." And in today's terms, that means standing in an airlock, while the crew watches you get sucked out into outer space once they open the airlock's doors.
   Half of the Transporters flying around the moons of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and the asteroid belt, from one time to another, were Pirates themselves. But, because the miners became so rich, seemingly overnight, they gave jobs to the most skilled and affluent Pirates. Diminishing the need to hire programed military androids.
   The cost alone, of having an armed and ready militia of androids, purchased from the companies holding the monopolies on the planets of Earth and Mars, would cost you at least five years of profits. If any maintenance is needed, or if the androids needed to be reloaded or rearmed, you can add another two years of profit to the total. Paying a Pirate Crew double of what they would get after hijacking a ship and selling its goods, is still only one year of profit, instead of seven years of having a robot army.
   Besides, after hiring a Pirate Crew, there are that many less out there hijacking ships.
   Selenium was the exception to the rule though. After her parents were killed by a bunch of greedy miners, over a dispute of an asteroid claim, she swore vengeance to all miners for her retribution.
   She inherited Ru44 from her parents. Once a military bot, he became companion, caretaker, and protector of Selenium while she was growing up.
   He was upgraded, early on, with all the programed emotions that was allowable by law, at the time of purchase. Deprogrammed, supposedly, of all his military capabilities when he was sold to Selenium's parents. Except her father, Roentgen, secretly paid the seller a exorbitant amount of bitcoin to keep his programming intact. He knew he wouldn't be available, at all times, to protect his little girl.
   When the miners, who killed Selenium's parents came looking for her, they met with an equally gruesome death. Trying to steal the asteroid, and covering it up by killing the witnesses, cost them their lives. But not their kinfolk lives. And who are the other miners in this area outer space going to believe? A twelve year old girl, who claims her parents were killed first, or the kinfolk of the twenty-six dismembered miners, ripped apart by one ex-military android, and owned by the little girl.
   Selenium is twenty-three now. Every-bit as angry, as the day she turned thirteen. Traveling from Uranus, all the way to Earth, and everywhere in-between, without ever getting caught.
   No one has ever found out who the fence is who purchases the hijacked spacecraft filled with goods and services, but there have been a lot of falsely accused criminal types, who have spent time in jail, until Selenium hijacks another spacecraft and it seemingly disappears. Never to be seen again or of its cargo.
   She is not the evil person the media would have everyone believe. She has always captured the crew alive, with some minor injuries to the fools who believe they can outsmart her, and secretly dumps them off on some asteroid with a homing beacon and enough oxygen to survive until rescued.
   There have been military bots setup on some asteroids in the belt between Mars and Jupiter, but without knowing her next move, the odds of calculating which rock she will strand her captives on, out of the millions of rocks in the belt, is like winning the lottery, when there still was a lottery.
    "Can you imagine? People were allowed to carry guns, in public places, just we do now." Selenium says excitedly. She is reading the history of the wild west on a viewing screen in the ships piloting module. She confiscated the program from the spacecraft Orion. A Transporter ship she and Ru44 hijacked just weeks before.
    She could have easily downloaded the information from the S.S.I. or Solar-System-Internet. But everybody knows that the governing bodies of One World Earth and the governing body of Free Mars, monitor every computer, tablet, eye-wear, headgear, body implanted computer vision-wear, and mind implanted phone service, to the extent that their daily lives are fitted on a memory chip so investigators have records of any possible past, present, or future transgressions you have, are, or might commit. The only true free people of the human race are the miners living away from the grid. If Selenium tried to access the S.S.I., her location in the Solar System would light up every law enforcement agency computer screen from Earth and Mars, to every bounty hunter from the asteroid belt and beyond.
    No, Selenium is smart enough to know, and has been at this long enough, not to make such a simple mistake. Her only choice is to download all of the computer files from a hijacked ship she has taken, check for programmed viruses that might disable her on board computers or send out a beacon of her local, and see what the latest news and reading material some of the more intelligent Transporters have.
   She knows that it is dated material, but feels that old news, is better than no news at all.
   "Selen." Says Ru44. The nickname Selenium asked him to say, when she was just nine years old. "There is a cargo ship, which seems to be heading in the direction, if my calculations are correct, to the moon Triton, circling Neptune."
   Selenium knows that Ru44 has never been wrong with his calculations, but still asks, "Have you double checked your findings?"
   "I did a diagnostic of myself right after I calculated their course and found that I am functioning at one-hundred percent efficiency, so possibly could not have made a mistake in my original calculations." Ru44 replies.
   "But there is nothing out there." Says Selen to Ru44. "What possibly, could they be hauling, that would be so important, that they would travel all the way to Neptune?" She pauses for the moment, searching her mind for ideas. "All waste material is sent hurling into the Sun for disposal. Everything else is recycled till the based elements can't be recycled no more. Are they looking for water? There is a lot of water ice on Neptune, but I cannot see the profit in that."
   Ru44 interupts her train of thought and says, "You are missing the obvious Selen. Remember Earth history, when they believed there were nine planets? Where is the dwarf planet Pluto located in?"
   "The Kuiper Belt," she screams. "Someone is finally going to start mining out in the Kuiper Belt."
   Ru44 continues, "I imagine they are setting up a based station on Triton, and possibly Pluto itself." He waits a second for her to speak, but she doesn't. So he goes on to say, "Even with today's propulsion systems, it could take up to a year before any cargo could reach Mars for processioning. The profit returns, after the cost of mining out there, will be minimal at first, unless Mars or Earth Space Agencies have made a breakthrough on wormhole technology. If so, we will be out of business."
   "So why don't we take that ship, heading to the out solar system, and find out what is really going on." Says a smiling Selenium.
   "I thought you might see it that way." Says Ru44.
   "There will possibly be Military Androids aboard Ru. Do you think you can take control of their ship?"
   All Ru44 does, is looks at Selenium, and smiles. The most awkward, and frightening smile any human has seen from a Robot.
   "It will be my pleasure Selen." Ru44 tells her confidently. Then integrates himself into the Pink Pilferer's navigation system and armaments, to do battle with the unsuspecting mining cargo ship.

This is,Will Right More If Someone Leaves A Comment Asking For More,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
"It's better to swim in the sea below, than to swing in the air and feed the crow," says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol.
- Benjamin Franklin -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading.  

Come On, Be Happy

After cooling off for over a year,
my notorious
Angry Neighbor
is at it again.
So,
instead of writing something completely knew about him,
because he doesn't deserve my time,
I am bringing back a
Post
I wrote on
Monday,
May 25th, 2015,
called
Be Happy.
 
 *****
I was thinking all day yesterday,
what I was going to write about?
Yet,
I couldn't come up with a decent idea worthy of somebody wanting to read it.
Then,
I was given the story I was looking for.
At two-thirty this morning,
I was awakened by a loud motorcycle revving its engine,
and the noisy voices of my drunk next door neighbor
and his friend.
This is the same person who constantly calls the
Police
on me for the slightest noise at my house.
He takes pictures of the cars that drive up to my house,
and apparently,
gives those photos to the
Officer,
who is dispatched to investigate the complaint.
This is supposedly proof that I am either some kind of
Terrorist,
organizing a plot against humanity,
or I am an exotic animal smuggler,
selling unregistered
Monkeys
to the highest bidder.
Of course,
the
Police
do not take him seriously,
because he himself is a wack job.
They haven't even bothered to knock on my door to question me.
He is in the same category of,
Human Beings,
who will leave notes on your car window,
telling you,
what you are doing wrong in life.
Or,
if he sees you,
he will tell you,
that the parking spot in front of his house,
is his alone,
and for no one else.
He will say ignorant things like,
"It is illegal for you to park there. I am the only one aloud to park there!"Once,
a couple years back,
when this girl started making a U-turn in front of me,
right in front of his house,
I hit her head on.
He came to his front door when the
Police
arrived,
and started yelling that I had contraband in the trunk of my car
and they should arrest me.
First,
the
Police
said the accident was the girl's fault because she was on her
Cell Phone.
Second,
she didn't look for oncoming traffic before pulling away from the curb.
Third,
this neighbor of mine,
wasn't even brave enough to come outside of his home to accuse me of
Drug Smuggling.
He stayed behind a locked screen door so the
Police
would not arrest him for being a
Public Nuisance.
Fourth,
the
Officer
at the scene of the accident asked me
if I wanted him to have a word with my neighbor
and if he could draw him outside,
maybe he could arrest him for
Disturbing The Peace.
Because of his constant use of profanity towards me,
that the whole neighborhood could hear.
I said no,
because after he was released,
he would be worse with his belligerence,
when he knew the
Police
were not around.
You see,
I have kids,
and as long as he directs his anger towards me,
and not them,
I can put up with it.
  I feel sorry for the poor fellow.
It must be awful to go through life angry all the time.
I think he picks on his neighbors,
to make himself feel better.
Yet,
I have never seen him enjoy himself,
or be happy.
Except when he is drunk.
He is always complaining
or mad about something.
It must really piss him off that his wife,
which he seems to fight with on a regular basis,
is neighborly towards me.
I'm such a nice guy.
She just cannot help herself.
But,
I guess,
he sees me as a threat since I am not miserable like he is.
To change,
to
"Be Happy,"
he needs to stop worrying about me,
and everyone else in the neighborhood!
He needs to worry about taking care of his family,
and treating them with respect.
Then,
maybe happiness,
might be able to creep inside his
Mind,
Heart,
and
Soul.
This is,
I Am So Glad That I Found The Secret To Happiness,
Jim Hauenstein,
And,

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
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Terra

   I met a beautiful woman, the other day, named Terra. She had deep blue eyes, which reflected back to you. As if you were looking into a large clear ocean. She wore long, light blue hair, that shimmered, like a clear morning sky. She was full of vigor, full of life, and robust in nature. It wasn't a relationship, I would base on mutual attraction. From the start, I needed to be with her, more then she ever needed me. I just felt safe, surrounded by her magnetic personality.
   On meeting her parents, I knew where her strength and beauty came from. Her Father? His name is Mercury. He is always moving, always running. Always needing something to do and somewhere to go. Her Mother? The beautiful Venus. Her image, brings in the morning and evening stars, that shine so brightly behind her. Her brother is the fiery, hot headed Mars. A temperament of only brownish red does he see, but loyal to his family wishes, and especially to his sister Terra's needs.
   This family has always been protected by their powerful parents, and in the case of the children, their powerful grandparents.
   Papa Jupiter. Who's divinity in this dynamic family system, is unheralded, except by his loving partner, Mama Saturn. Where a constant halo surrounds this righteous woman where ever she goes.
   And Jupiter's brother, Uranus. The personification of heaven in the stars, by his jovial mood, and friendly gestures. His mate is the unprecedented Neptune. When she is around, she keeps everyone singing along with her happy musical tunes.
   Let us not forget the family pet, Pluto. A wonderful mischievous dog, who got demoted in stature, in the family's mind, after a myriad of complaints about his size.
   Terra is a friend of mine. I will keep her safe, as much as I can, from the woeful people who have no regard for her, and her future.
This is,A Story Inspired By The Song "Drops Of Jupiter,"
Jim Hauenstein,
And,I Forgot It Is ThursdayAnd I Am Supposed To Write An Episode Of"The Man From Mars"Today!
Sorry About That.I Will Do Better Next Week!
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
- Benjamin Franklin -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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The Best Posts Of September, 2017

One thing I always like to do is,to look back on,The Five Best Posts Of Each Month.I am still trying to catch up with these,since I fell so rudely behind.I am doingSeptember'stoday, so I will only be one month behind after this.The end of the year is coming soonand I will have to doThe Five Best Posts Of The Year,after theNew Yearcomes around.I need to catch up. So here we are,catching up with the month ofSeptember, 2017.I am beginning to see a trend here,over these past few months,where we often have a tie in the standings.That means,that the data is telling me,I have consistent readers coming backTime After Time.Thank you.So here areThe Best Five Posts Of September, 2017!
There Are Two Fifth Place Winners,Of The Best Posts Of September, 2017,And They Are:Beer Is All The Proof I Need Is a series of jokes I like and I wrote them down on my Blog for you to enjoy. The name of the Post was inspired by a quote I used from Benjamin Franklin.September 26th, A Day That Will Live In InfamyMy analysis, stating that, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, besides Halloween, is where the United States of America started Cosplaying. I know I have never heard of it or saw anything like Cosplay before the Rocky Horror movie came out.
The Fourth Best Post Of September Is:A Lot Of Phishing Going On Around HereOn the bottom of each Post I always write, Leave a Comment, or a Suggestion, and I will answer you in a Post. For a while there, I was getting a rash of Comments from southern Asia, sometimes saying nice things, but always advertising some kind of business they were involved in. I delete some of the blatant ones, but if they something nice about my Post, I usually leave it up. Because, it does show, people are looking at my Blog from around the World. The Third Best Post Of September Is:Motivating Yourself AgainThis is a Re-Post of my story from Monday September 4th, 2015, called, can you guess? You have got it! Motivate Yourself. It is the second story, in a series of three, where I am giving advice, hopefully to my kids, and anyone else who might find it useful.[image error] There are twoPoststied forThe Second Best Posts Of September!And They Are:gofundme Midnight Mind The Re-PostWhere I am trying to help, one of my readers, to fulfill his dreams of funding a movie project he wrote and is going to direct. The Zombie KillerA fictional story I wrote, inspired by a dream my daughter had, about my grandson, her nephew. Where he protects her from a zombie invasion. And,The Number One Post Of September, 2017 Is:Remembering The Big WowA Re-Post of my story, "Big Wow Comic Fest", from April 22nd, 2015. Where I took three of my children and one grandson to a comic book convention in San Jose, California. How we had such a good time and the wonderful memories I have of that occasion.  There you have it once again,The Five Best Post Of The Month!
This is,Always Enjoying Reliving Some Of My Old Posts,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“A million years ago - some hairy bastard daubed a horse on the wall of his cave, he saw it, he drew it - well done! Flash forward to today: 'Hello, welcome to my Blog. Today I bought a plum.”
- Patrick Marber -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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A Second Cold War

   "Mister President," said the Secretary of Defense. "India has shot down one of the dead floating satellites circling the Earth, in outer space."
   "India?" Interrupts the President. "They have sent an ballistic missile, into space, to shoot down an already dead satellite? But why?"
   "Let me explain Mister President." Replies the Secretary. "Remember your briefing on the Indian Space Research Organization and how their spacecraft are a miniaturized version of our space shuttle? The same look and specifications as our craft was, except smaller?"
   "Yes." Says the President. "But I don't how that has anything to do with shooting down a satellite."
   "Well, Mister President. India hasn't sent a ballistic missile into outer space, to shoot down that satellite, they have equipped their space shuttle with weapons!" An alarmed Secretary of Defense says.
    "What?" Asks a startled President. "Isn't that against the International Outer Space Treaty they signed back in Nineteen-sixty-seven I believe?"   "Yes, it is sir. They have clearly broken the treaty and international law."   The President looks down at desk in the Oval Office, deep in thought, then asks the Secretary, "Have they said anything publicly, why they would do this?"   "A press release from their space program states, 'Our use of a laser cannon to destroy harmful metallic debris in outer space is not, in anyway, a military show of force, or declaration of war against any nation of the world. Our decision, is based on purely humanitarian and safety precautions, due to the fact that the International Space Station was destroyed last June, with the lost of all hands on board, because of an old satellite floating around our upper atmosphere'."   "That is a bunch of poppycock." An angry President tells his Secretary of Defense. "Get me the Prime Minister of India, on the phone, right away."
   "I have asked your assistant to do precisely that, before I came in sir."
   "Thanks James." Says the President. "You are finally earning your paycheck."
   All of a sudden, in what could be considered a corner in the Oval Office, a red nineteen-eighties type land-line phone starts ringing loudly and flashing yellow, then to red, and then back and forth.
   It's the Kremlin calling.
   "Why isn't Vladimir calling me directly?" Asks the President to know one in particular. "After all we been through over the last few years, he can't possibly think we had anything to do with India shooting down a satellite?"
   "Sir," says the Secretary of Defense. "That phone hasn't rung since the cold war ended. If Vladimir is calling on the hot line, I don't think it will be on friendly terms?"
   "Its those damn Democrats. That's what it is." Says a confused looking President. "They probably told India it was OK to shoot down a satellite. If they want me, I am not going out without a fight. I'll blow up the whole damn country of India. They want a fight, those Democrats? I'll give them a fight. I'll start World War Three! That's what I'll do."


This is,Telling You There Is A World Treaty Keeping Weapons Out Of Space,But Who Will Be The First To Break It? Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“Mounting tensions in Eastern Europe send shivers down the spine. Barely a quarter of a century after the end of the Cold War we seem to be sliding inexorably towards another.”
- Alex Morritt, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading?
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Thanks for reading.This purely a fictional story.