James Hauenstein's Blog, page 23

"Murder In Soho" Part Seven

    I arrive at the police station and immediately notice that the parking lot is empty of patrol cars. Going inside I ask the Sargent at the front desk, "What is going on? Where is everyone?"    He tells me, after taking out a pencil from a tin can which holds a bunch of number twos. "The Captain says she is tired of seeing all of her officers just sitting around getting fat while the AIs do all the work. So today she implemented a new procedure where one officer and one AI ride together patrolling the city streets."    "Wow,' I say, watching as he puts the pencil back. "The Captains has gone all gun-ho all of a sudden. I wonder what's bugging her?"    "I don't know," says the Sargent, picking up a different pencil and wiggling it between two fingers. "But, in the unscheduled impromptu meeting she called today, which by the way you didn't show up for, she says there is crime out there in our city and we need to go find it. The Captain says we are going back to the days when police officers patrolled the city streets. Starting this evening, each officer is working overtime and assigned an AI as his new partner."    He puts the pencil back into the tin cup.
    I get the gist of what this guy is saying, but all I can think about is, hasn't any of the AIs told this guy how redundant he is? How does anything get done around here?    "Detective Luna? Detective!" the Sargent practically yells, pointing a new pencil at me. "The Captain will see you now."    "Sorry, I was thinking about the case I am working on." I say hopefully. To explain why I was drifting off. I didn't want him thinking I was being rude in anyway towards him because of his boring redundant personality. I might need him to do me a favor someday.    "Thank you." I tell him smiling and walk to the frosted glass door marked, Captain Murphy.    Just outside her door, I look up, wave to the security camera, and smile as if I mean it.    "Get in here Detective, now!" I hear her yelling through the glass door. She didn't even bother trying the camera's intercom.    "Hi Murph," I say as I enter. "What's up?"    "Don't try getting friendly with me Detective." she growls. "How many times have I told you not to put your handheld or neural-net on, do not disturb?"    "I don't know. Maybe....    "Shut up and sit down. I have a new new policy you are going to adhere to religiously.     "You know I'm not religious." I say smiling. "What's got you all edgy today boss?"    Before she answers, the Captain looks past me, and I see a large smile broaden her face. I turn around to see the investigator AI that I am working on the murder case with enter the room.    "Don't tell me you are going to pair me up with this bot?" I ask. "I swear, something is wrong with his programming."    Hearing her fingernails press a few glass keys on her built in desk top computer, Murphy says triumphantly, "Perfect. Now I have the last piece to the puzzle."    I turn around to look back at her and ask suspiciously, "What are you talking about? Last piece to what puzzle?" This is,I Cannot Wait To See What Happens NextJim Hauenstein And, “The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.”
- George Bernard Shaw - That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part Six

    "Detective Luna," the AI says reassuringly. "I can only state the facts. It is unfortunate that most humans do not like to hear the truth about their capabilities and failings. As far as implying that I or any police AI working with me on this case is covering up evidence for the killer is just preposterous. I have personally conducted several diagnostics on myself and the other AIs on the scene to eliminate the possibility something is amiss."    I smile at the bot and say, "Okay, I wanted to hear from you. I believe you."    But I don't believe it. Too many strange little tidbits on how the bots are acting just don't add up. It says that there hasn't been any upgrades downloaded in their programming recently but until this case, non of them have ever showed the slightest bit of emotion. In fact, it would have to be some kind of virus attack on our bots because the State of New York has outlawed emotional programming in police bots. The public sees emotional AIs as a threatening somehow. Probably ingrained from the military style used in the 21st Century. When groups of local police departments would decide, in a gang mentality, how their city streets would be policed. All across the country, usually whites, would be protected and others would be persecuted for no other reason than the color of their skin.    I need to get out of here and think things over.
    Knowing that the investigator bot can pick up on any facial nuances that might indicate I think it's lying or any of my voice inflections that might also give me away, I start walking towards the front door to leave so it can't see my face. I take out my handheld on the way, looking down at it, like I'm concentrating hard, hoping none of the other bots can evaluate my expression and relay any suspicion to the investigator bot. While this is going on I say, with the least amount of tension in my voice that I can muster, "Send any new evidence you and your team have collected since I've been here to my handheld. I'm going to find a nice quiet place away from the crime scene, clear my thoughts, and thoroughly read the case file."    "May I suggest getting some coffee and donuts too!" the bot says. Relaying the hundred year old cliché about cops and bakery. "It is a fact that humans perform better on a full stomach. Also, I know you are trying to miss direct me by staring at your handheld, because it's not on. Captain Murphy has told me through the police band that she has repeatedly tried to get a hold of you through your neural-net and handheld but both are on, do not disturb mode. She asked me to tell you that she wants you in her office pronto."    God I hate bots.    "I'll call her as soon as I get to my car," I said to it. "I was looking at my handheld because I was going to turn it on."
    As I enter the hallway I ask myself, why did I try to make excuses for it. It's only a bot, nothing more.    I find my car, tell it to head for police headquarters, and start craving coffee and donuts.    God I hate bots.  This is,Now I Am Craving Coffee & DonutsJim Hauenstein And, “Police work wouldn't be possible without coffee," Wallander said. "No work would be possible without coffee." They pondered the importance of coffee in silence.
- Henning Mankell - That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part Five

    "That is all the evidence I have collected so far Detective Luna," the investigator android starts telling me. "I think we will find in the end that my theory is correct. The perpetrator is either someone who works for the Bethany Birdsong Management Company or is a residence of this complex."    "I'm not so sure," I said while looking around the apartment to get a feel for the way Mister Malone lived. "Our victim here was a very reclusive guy. He worked from home, had all his supplies delivered, didn't talk to his neighbors, and by all accounts never ventured passed the complex's courtyard."    The bot, right on my tail as I walked around almost sounded surprised when he stated, "So you did read the case files sent to your handheld."    I stopped in the kitchen and opened up a few cabinets before saying, "Yeah I did. But I still rather hear someone or something tell me the evidence instead of reading a report where my mind might wander and I miss something important. Or have my brain cluttered up from a neural-net download of all the thousands of minor facts you bots come up with."    "That was one of my calculated assessments of you Detective. It is just another sign that humans are fallible and it is proven by their low percentage rate of success." the AI responded. "Also I would like to point out that being a recluse is more common today then anytime in human history."
     I turn around slowly after it had stopped talking. The bot was so close to me that it appeared to be hovering over me in triumph.
     So I lean a little bit forward so its programming has it back away from me and I then say, "Looking through his kitchen here, I noticed that all his eating utensils are for only one person. There is one fork, one knife, one spoon, and only one plate. In the bathroom he has two washcloths and three towels. Just enough so he doesn't have to use his washing machine everyday. In his bedroom closet there is only one suit which I assume he wore when he had a mandatory visual meeting with clients or his employer. From skimming through the case file, his boss has stated that the contract Mr. Malone signed says that he will never be asked to come out of his apartment to meet clients, for any reason will he be obligated to go to the office, or will anyone come over to his apartment for anything work related."     I walk back to the crime scene, looking at a bot taking measurements of every drop of blood, then add, "He was 55 years old. In the prime of his young life. With no friends or a companion. I read that until he was 23 years old, he was an outgoing, reckless young kid like most humans are at that age. Then suddenly, for no apparent reason that you can find, he became a recluse. You can't find a phone call, an email, text message, a neural-net message, or anything on social media to show why the sudden behavior change. Yet he knew his killer because he let him into his apartment. There wasn't a struggle inside his apartment or commotion outside his door before he let his killer in. Everyone living or working here has an alibi. All the cameras in the complex fail at the same time. All the cameras outside on the street record nothing unusual. But, we have a dead body. And the great, all powerful OZ of a robot can't see what is happening here. So it tries to intimidate me because I am only a human being." I smile at it, then say, "I think there is a lot more evidence here than meets the android visual receptors!" This is,I Couldn't Sleep So I Wrote This At MidnightJim Hauenstein And, “All great beginnings start in the dark, when the moon greets you to a new day at midnight.”
- Shannon L. Alder - That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part Four

    "What other evidence do you have?" I ask the investigator bot. "Anything on the cameras?"    It immediately responds to me with, "Mister Malone signed a waiver with the Bethany Birdsong Management Company not to have security surveillance inside his apartment. He wrote down on the reason why section of the document, I am a very private person."   I like interrupting androids so I said flatly, "One of those paranoid types."   The bot, never taking his eyes off of me, ascertains after less then a second that I have finished being rude and continues. "The cameras in the hallways, elevators, and entrance way all malfunctioned at the same time." Without taking a breath, because it doesn't have to, the bot interrupts me before I can do it to it by saying, "No street cams, car cams, or business cameras found anything unusual. I have personally watch every recording in a ten mile radius. So naturally, I thought that either our suspect works for Birdsong Management or lives here in the apartments complex."   The bot gave me an opening by stopping briefly, very briefly, but calculated quickly enough that I had nothing to say and continued. "All employees and tenants internet activity, apartments, and alibis have been searched, scanned, and confirmed. Nothing out of the ordinary so far but no one has been taken off the suspect list."    I could tell the investigator bot could see I was anxious to contribute something for the voice recordings going back to headquarters, so it left me another opening.    "What about a bio signature from someone other than Malone?" I asked. "Someone else's fingerprints, lipstick on a glass, sneeze droplets, a strand of hair, or maybe some dead skin?"    "When all body functions ceased to exist, the wall health monitor reported to authorities of the medical emergency. When the AI medical techs entered the apartment they found the wall air purifier on turbo. Everything was clean of all bio signatures. Both the killer's and Mister Malone's. The only evidence left by the killer is the blood splatter. By that I deduced the perpetrator was 5 foot 11 inches, left handed, and wore an 8 and a half size tennis shoe. With the small amount of evidence I've gathered so far, I haven't been able to tell if our suspect is a male or female."    "Could someone have programed a killer bot to come in here to do the job?" I asked.    "Unlikely," It said. "Our cameras would have seen a unauthorized AI walking the streets completely off the grid. Which in itself is illegal. A rouge AI could have worn tennis shoes and pretended to be left handed to make us think it was an act by a human being. But thirty-two stab wounds indicates to me premeditated murder when an AI surely would have made only one knife wound to either the brain or heart."
    I was looking down at the pattern of the blood when I realized the bot wasn't speaking. I look up, seeing it staring blankly at me.    It took me a couple of seconds to figure out what it was doing and a couple of more seconds to come up with the obvious question. "So why didn't the health monitor report in when Malone's body was being traumatized?" Holding up a finger so the bot doesn't begin talking again. I wait up to three more seconds for dramatic effect then say, "Because, whomever our suspect is, they are a master black hat hacker!"    "It would seem so," replied the investigator bot.    If I did know myself any better, and I think I know myself pretty well, I would be worried that I was starting to actually like this bot. And that can't happen. I made a personal choice long ago to be annoying to non-feeling automatons. People all over the world have taken to these bots as if they are their pets. Even worse, their friends. I can't let that happen to me. I have a reputation to live up to.
    "Okay Tin Man, what else do you got?"
   This is,Remember,I Am Going To Write This Story Every 2 To 3 Days Because I Have A Lot Going On At Home Right NowJim Hauenstein
And

"And remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."- L. Frank Baum - That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part Three

   The Bethany Birdsong Apartments complex used to be the Birdsong Hotel here, in Soho, until the work at home jobs became the norm, virtual travel became cheaper then real travel, and governments started paying a monthly stipend to families who ventured less and less out of doors.   Of course, this has never been regulated to the first responders who work in the medical, police, or firefighting fields. It was implemented during the "Decade of the Pandemics" to slow the spread of viruses when the world still only used human beings in these dangerous situations. Way before the androids came along and we started putting them in harms way.
   Many a first grader in virtual schools have asked me on career day, "How did people meet and get married back then, then?" My response is always the same. Love will find a way. What I really wanted to say was either you swiped right or swiped left. But kids nowadays are so much smarter then we were, I'm sure they already new that. They were probably just wasting my time so they could play their video games while pretending to be listening.
   The door to the elevator opens up on the fifth floor and I immediately see, at eye level, a plaque displaying which number apartments are to the left, the right, or down the center halls. I go right towards apartment 532.   As I walk along the corridor, I notice that some of the apartment doors adorn decorations and have welcome mats in front of them. The Department's Psych calls this a cry for human interaction. I don't think so though. I believe it is the well adjusted who just try to make their little world a bit brighter for everyone to see.   I wonder if there is anything on the door of 532?   I reach the end of the hallway and I can only turn left. Halfway down that hall I see a police bot standing in front of a door. As I come towards it, it opens the door for me and shakes its head up and down once as a form of greeting, which surprises me.   Now what I want to know is, when did the bots get this new upgrade and why didn't anyone in the department warn me about it ahead of time?   Walking straight to the AI with the distinctive investigator uniform on, I immediately ask it what kind of evidence it has collected.   "It is all in the report on your handheld Detective Luna." It deadpans.   "Humor me." I say agitated. If I didn't know any better, I actually thought this bot was looking down to me as if I was beneath his dignity.   "Jake Malone. Male, 55 years old. Thirty-two stab wounds to the neck, torso, and arms. He tried to defend himself from his assailant but the splattering of the blood stains and the angle of the first few lacerations indicate he was surprised by his attacker."   "Did the perpetrator break in somehow to rob Mister Malone or is this a case of plain old murder?" I asked, interrupting. I wanted the voice recordings being sent back to headquarters sound like I was taking control of the crime scene.   "There is no evidence of a break-in, nothing was stolen, so Mr. Malone new the person who killed him and yes, it is a case of plain old murder."   Was this AI being sarcastic with me? I had to find out. But if there was a memo sent to all the handhelds and I didn't read it, Captain Murphy is going to have my ass for it if I make a huge fuss.   "When did you bots get the new emotional upgrade?" asking anyways.   "I have had no emotional upgrades since my activation for police duty." It said while staring at me. I bet if it could, it would have a condescending smile right about now.   As soon as I get the rest of the information on this case I'm going to call the Captain so she can implement a complete diagnostic on all the AI bots on the police force.   I can't have patronizing mechanical automatons acting snobbish towards me. That's what I have a cat for!This is,Why I Don't Like CatsThey Make Me Sneeze Just By Looking At ThemJim Hauenstein,
And “People worry that computers will get too smart and take over the world, but the real problem is that they're too stupid and they've already taken over the world.”
- Pedro Domingos -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part Two

   I reach the Bethany Birdsong apartment complex in less than thirty minutes. While in my Police cruiser, all autonomous vehicles on the road in front of me automatically pull over to one side. I always like to look out the windows to see the angry elite try time and again to over-ride the program with voice commands. Only about 10% of the populace have that power and I know not one of them reside in Soho.   The Birdsong apartments are one of the few places still in pretty good shape for downtown Soho. The Bethany family made their money in pharmaceuticals during the 2020s when one pandemic after another whittled down the populace back to the five billion range. I wasn't around back then but my parents were. They said the only saving grace of that decade was the fact that global warming went into remission and a lot of species of plants, animals, and insects made a comeback from near extinction.   I guess they didn't know how to make enough condos on the Moon and Mars back then.   I get out of the cruiser and see a police bot standing by the entrance. It doesn't say a word but opens the main doors to the complex for me.   I ask it, "On what floor and apartment number did the murder happen in last night?"   "All that information is in your handheld Detective Luna." it responds.
   "I didn't look at it." I sneered.   "It has long been documented that your techniques are quite different from other Detectives." it stated flatly.   "Excuse me?" I questioned. "A beat cop bot is giving its opinion on my techniques as a Detective now? Is there something wrong with your programming that I have to send you back to the yard to be disassembled to find out why you are faulty?"   "Would you like me to send all the information to your neural-net implant Detective?" it said, without a hint of being intimidated.
   "No, that would clutter up my brain. Just tell me."   "Fifth floor, apartment 302 sir."   I walk into the complex without saying thank you. It is a machine anyways. It doesn't need to be thanked. It is doing what it is programmed to do. To do what I ask.
   As I reached the elevator doors, I turn around to look back at the bot. Of course it isn't looking my way. He is on duty. It's the AI's job to keep out all the human riffraff that like to to gawk at crime scenes. Hoping they will see something exciting to drown out their tediousness existence.   I can't imagine why? Today, we don't have all that action or violence you see on those old time classic docudramas. But, they still seem to come out of the woodwork, contaminating and stealing evidence. If word gets out that this is a murder crime scene, kooks will be climbing the outside walls, breaking in through the windows for a chance at a souvenir. So now we have police bots stationed at and around every crime scene.
   Before the elevator door opens, this feeling of, how pleased I am with myself, comes over me. The bot said "Sir" at the end of our little conversation. Did I intimidate him or did it say it to appease me?
   I get inside the elevator, press the fifth floor button and think, It's a machine. It said Sir to appease me!
 This is,Detective Luna Is A Real GumshoeJim Hauenstein And “The case called for plain, old-fashioned police leg work!”
- Donald J. Sobol - 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I Had A Doozy Of A Dream

I had a doozy of a dream last night.I dreamt of doing the remake of one of the greatest movies of all time;The Marathon Man.It StarsDustin Hoffman,Laurence Olivier,Roy Scheider,William Devane,andMarthe Keller.If you have never seen this film,it is well worthRenting,Buying,orStreaming.One of the most famous lines from the movie,which was quoted by millions of people for years afterwards was;Is it safe?The remake of this film,or I should say my remake of this film, will be onYouTube,for your viewing pleasure.Once I finish theScript,Production Sets,Find Financial Backing,A Producer,Cameraman,A Camera,Stunt Double, andA Director.Of course,I will be playing all the differentActing Parts,since I am trained in theArt Of Method ActingfromThe Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute.I just feel I am the only one qualified to perform such a daring role whichDusty,Mister Hoffmanfor you who don't know him personally,made famous in 1976.What I have so far as my script."The camera will pan up from my feet, up to my head, showing me as a sweaty, overweight jogger, with wrist bands, a head band, and a number tag to my sweats, denoting my entry into a Marathon.Other joggers, who will be played by me, will come up to Thomas "Babe" Levy, the part originally played by Dusty which is now played by me, and will punch him, trip him, and throw water in his face, with each one asking if it is safe! One scene will have Babe's Brother running up along side of him, looking like death scene Roy Scheider played. But instead of having his gut split open by a knife and spitting up blood, this brother will come running up with red completely surrounding his mouth, spitting out red juice, and when Babe asks his Brother what happened to him, he will say; These damn pomegranates are really messy while jogging!"Here is an
Artist's Rendering
of what I will look like. The script is still a work in progress.So if you have any suggestions,Keep Them To Yourself!
This is,Is It Safe?Is What Safe?Is It Safe?I Guess So.They Say Pomegranates Are Supposed To Be Good For You!Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“What method acting is for the stage, mezzo-fiction is for the page.”
- Fierce Dolan -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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"Murder In Soho" Part One

   I was woken up by a call from the department. I'm not usually up this early but the night Detective went on a three month vacation. We all get three months nowadays because nothing really happens anymore since the AI Androids took over as the beat cops in Metropolis. With millions of calculations per second, they can judge if a person is going to commit a crime before they even know it. Then they take all the fun out of police work by stopping them before it happens and I never get to see any action.   The jails in this country are filled with the few morons who won't be deterred from trying to do illegal activities and the homeless who have figured out that they can get a roof over their heads, a hot shower, and three meals a day while locked up.   The only reason we have a few hundred red blooded humans left in the police department is, we have to be the witnesses for the prosecutors. The people watching the live visual feeds think AI bots are too cold hearted. We have to show up for court.
   Even today people have the right to come before a judge and be sentenced as if they are innocent before proven guilty. Don't ask me why. Nobody has won a case in over 15 years with the AIs always having an air tight case with the amount of evidence they can collect. It's like I said before. The average person thinks that AIs don't have have any emotions, like empathy, as a human being would. Like that will ever make a difference. So it's all a facade to keep the voting public happy.   I answered the phone without visuals. I know it is going to be a bot calling but I just didn't want to take any chances. I sleep in the buff.   "Phone, answer." I said out loud as I got out of bed to find my uniform. "Detective Luna here. What's up?"   "Detective Luna. Your presence is requested at the coordinates sent to your police vehicle as soon as possible." The bot said metallically.   I interrupted. "What's the hurry?"   "It appears Detective Luna that there has been a murder in the Soho section of Manhattan." It replied.   "Okay, I'll be on my way in 5 minutes."   "A complete dossier has already been loaded up in your handheld Detective Luna. Unless you have any question for me?"   "Yes, one." I said as I finished putting on my two day, unwashed uniform. "Visual."   A smiling bots face shows up on my wall screen.   "Why are you making the calls when a computer would do just fine?" I asked sarcastically.   "Because studies have shown...   "End call." I say loudly. Not wanting to hear the same answer for the fiftieth time.   A smirk comes across my face as I think, won't Detective Sonya Richardson be flabbergasted when she finds out that the first real case to come the homicide desk in five years was hers for the taking.
This is,I Just Started Typing AndI Don't Know Where The Story Is Going From HereJim Hauenstein AndTo Give Me Time To Figure Out The Plot I Am Going To Write This Story Every Two To Three Days “I for one welcome our new android overlords.”
- Robin Sloan - That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Cookietown, Oklahoma

Do you want to know why we have obesity in theUnited States?Because our children don't have a chance in life if they are bombarded by fast food commercials on social media,billboards showing sugary treats lining our city streets,and....The Town's Name That They Live In Is Named After Food?Yes,that's right.The town they live in might be named after food.
We haveChili & Cream, Wisconsin.There isFries, Virginia.Let's not forget about
Sugar Land, Salty, Oatmeal, Noodle, Bacon, & Ding Dong, Texas. There are a total of thirty-five towns named on the website.And by my calculations,that even isn't a fourth of them.
This is,Don't Even Get Me Started On Town's Named After WomenJim Hauenstein And "When I lived in a small town, the whole town got together to help my family when tragedy struck our home. Now in a big city, my neighbor one block down doesn't know who I am."- James Hauenstein -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I'll Be Seeing You!  After writing this post, I feel like having some cookies!

Memories Of My Child's Lemonade Stand

I was going over some of my old
Posts,
looking for ideas I could write about.
When I read my post
The Value Of Money.
I had to laugh.
I like this story so much that I want to
re-Post
it.
It's from
June 14th, 2015.
 *****
If you are an avid reader of my
Blog,
you know that when my children were little I tried to teach them the value of money.If you're not,
please read the
Post;
"And The Pursuit Of Happiness!"Then you will know.
***** I wrote this email,
on my cell phone,
to my
Sister-in-Law
while on my morning walk.So please excuse sentence structure,
spelling,
and all around grammar.
Hi,
  I'm on my walk right now so excuse any incorrect spellings.
  I was walking past a kid's corner lemonade stand and it reminded me of a time when Jamie set up a lemonade stand on her own. She did the whole thing on her own. Making the stand herself and mixing up the lemonade. She was around 9 years old at the time I believe.
When I came home from work, I saw the sign she had made and it read "Lemonade, One Glass $10."
   I asked Jamie, "How do you think you'll be able to sell lemonade at that price?"
  She told me, "I only need to sell one. That's it."
  So I bought a glass for $10 and she ran off to her friends, smiling the biggest smile.
   After she had left, I noticed that I had just paid $10 for lemonade I already owned and that she had left everything in the front yard for me to clean up!
   Now that's Business Savvy!

At least I know one of my kids understands what the value of money is
and how to manipulate her
Dad!She can still do it to this day!
This is,
No,
I Have Not Purchased Land On The Moon Yet!
Jim Hauenstein, And “While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
- Groucho Marx -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I'll Be Seeing You!  I am really surprised that no one has commented on my post It Is Fun To Find Money. I guess nobody has tried it and found any cash! If you didn't get anything try doing it for your friends and family.