Jennifer Thompson's Blog
August 29, 2014
Forgetting Ella
So here’s the next thing I’ve been working on. Well a peek at it anyways. I don’t want to spoil the whole thing but please tell me what you think. Good or bad I want to know! And if any agents happen to read this blog by my luck today, then please take it all in and tell me the good bad of it! Either way have fun with it my followers!
Before I Sleep
Prelude
Shit Ella, they’re on to us. But they think I killed you. Why?” his voice was so calming that I wasn’t worried in the slightest. My brother on the other hand worried a lot. He was sure that monster of a father we shared was trying to kill us and pin it on someone else. That was true, our father wanted us dead, and just months after killing our mother, his wife, so we ran. They were on to us though. My brother has a taller boy with short blonde hair. You know, your average heartbreaker. His eyes were a shade of brownish-green that I couldn’t figure out, but they were so easy to look into.
“You know if he can blame someone else he will. Calm down Franklin.” I whispered almost. My long brown hair fell around my shoulders as I watched the news about us. It was all across the country, that Franklin was on the run, and that I was thought to be dead.
Suddenly we heard car doors slam shut in front of our hotel room. We had made it to Vegas in the three days we had been running. Franklin rushed to the peephole and peeked through, “Shit, we gotta go Ell, its dad’s men and I am sure they aren’t happy to be chasing us around.” My brother was stuffing things back into our backpacks as he spoke.
“I’m not afraid anymore Franklin. I’m tired and I want to rest.” I whined.
“Ella, if we go home we won’t survive his wrath. We have to hide and if we don’t go out the window in the bathroom we will never make it.” He whispered now.
Thank god for cheap motels with bathroom windows. Franklin had made it out just as the door to our room was kicked in. He grabbed my arm and we ran to the side of the building. We snuck around to the front and into Franklin’s car. As soon as the car started we knew we were had. Dad’s goons ran out of our room and towards their car. I know because I looked back even thought my brother told me not too. He floored the gas petal and we were on the run again. But the black SUV with Iowa plates followed us, and fast. Before I could blink my pretty blue eyes, they were ramming us from behind. “Buckle up Ell, this won’t end pretty.” Franklin said. I did as he suggested.
“I’m scared, I don’t want to die Franklin.” I shouted fumbling with my seatbelt.
“Ella, I’ll protect you, I swear. Don’t be scared, hold you head up high and never let anyone push you around. Do you hear me Ell, NO ONE!” my brother sounded more frightened then I felt.
“FRANKLIN!” I shouted with fear as we were rammed by the SUV harder this time.
“It’s ok Ell, I love you and I won’t let them hurt you.” He promised me as he used his foot to try and convince the car to go faster. Suddenly we were rammed one more time and the car started to lose its grip. We slid around the road at least three times, until the tires hit desert, then we flipped and crashed to the ground. My head was spinning and when we finally stopped I saw Franklin’s lifeless body hanging in his chair. Still belted in and sobbing, “Franklin?… Please talk to me.”
I heard a car coming closer to us and I knew I had to go, but I couldn’t get my brother to open his eyes. I unbuckled myself and crashed to the roof of the car. I slid out and looked around, nowhere to hide, so I ducked down along the side of the car as the footsteps and voices got closer to Franklin’s car. I found the trunk open and slid behind it to stay out of sight.
“Where’s the girl?” one of them asked.
“She’s not here.” The other one noted as he pulled Franklin from the car.
“Do you think he really did kill her? I mean he was a good kid you know.” The first man said.
“This kid loved his sister too much. He wouldn’t hurt her. She ran and now we gotta find her too. But first we take him in. At least we got one of them.” The man threw Franklin over his overly muscled shoulder and they both walked away. I held my hand over my mouth to stop from being heard as I cried. They drove off with Franklin, and I was on my own.
I rummaged through the car for my things, and when I had my backpack I was off. I ran as long as I could in the heat, them slowed to a walk. By the time night rolled around I could see a small town, with a lot of lights, and that’s where I would hide. I never made it though. The last thing I remembered was falling to the ground. It was too hot and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I, Ella Marie Parker, was giving up. My family was notorious for not giving up without bloodshed, and here I was dying on the side of the road trying to break free from the rains of my family name. I would never be like them, I wasn’t a monster like my dad. Then the blackness settled in and all my memories seemed so far away. I was alone and dead, or so I thought.
Waking Up
Chapter One
Ella, you need to wake up…… Open your eyes Ella…….WAKE UP ELLA!” the boy in my mind was yelling at me and I felt my eyes start to flutter open and closed. He looked familiar and I knew that I knew who he was but I couldn’t remember his name or how I knew of him.
I felt a hand grabbing at mine, but it was too small to be a man’s. There was a gentle squeeze and a sweet whisper on a woman’s voice, “Come on dear, I’m here and I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” The sweetest voice behind that whisper.
Slowly I started to open my eyes and at first I was blinded by the sun rays drifting through the windows. Once adjusted, my eyes drifted to my right and I found a sweet looking older woman smiling at me, “I’ve been waiting a long time for those eyes to wake up.” The same sweet voice from a few moments ago. She was shorter with tanned skin and short brown hair. “I’m Lou, I’ve been waiting 8 long months to see your eyes open. I’m a nurse at Mercy General, do you know where you are?”
I shook my head no, I had no idea where I was.
“All right, I’ll get the doctor and we will go from there. Just lay back and I’ll be right back.” Lou smiled as she walked away. The door closed with a bit of a thud and I was alone. But where was I exactly? Who was I? Where had I come from? I couldn’t remember anything. That was scary all of the sudden and I felt the water start to spill from my eyes. The door opened, and a man walked in. Dressed in hospital scrubs in a worn shade of green, he looked to be in his late forties. He wore glasses and had a scruffy, but gentle looking face, “Hi there, I’m Dr. Harris. It’s nice to see you awake. Do you know your name?” he asked. His face looked calm and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue and wiped at my face. I jumped a little.
“I’m Ella.” I replied.
“Do you have a last name Ella?” he asked.
“Not that I can remember.” My voice sounded scratchy. My throat was dry and I started to cough a little. The doctor got up and disappeared into my room. He returned as I settled down and handed me a paper cup of water. It felt cold in my hand and even better going down my throat.
“Alright, What do you remember Ella?” Dr. Harris asked.
I took a few moments to think, what did I remember? Who is Ella? I remembered my childhood, but no names or places just a really nice woman, I could only assume was my mother, and a nice boy a little older than me. The same boy from the dream that woke me up. I remembered his eyes, a shade of greenish brown that I loved. I took my time explaining all this to Dr. Harris. He seemed to nod in agreement with me and listened intently. Finally he spoke, “It’s normal to have a little memory loss with a long nap like you had. We’ll figure this out though. I want you to know that a few detectives have been waiting a long time to talk to you and they might be by in a few days to talk to you. In the mean time I just want you to relax and let the memories come back to you. Lou will be your nurse and Marcy will be by soon to meet you, she’s going to get your body moving again so we can get you out of this place.” The man smiled like all was well.
“Okay.” I replied shyly.
Dr. Harris smiled and left. Moments later Lou came in with a tray and sat it in front of me. She smiled at me, “I thought you might be hungry, so I brought a snack. If you need anything just push this button,” she pointed to an orange button on the side of my bed, “Otherwise I’ll be back to check on you in a little while dear.” She turned and walked out just as gracefully as she came in. I really like her, she reminded me of the woman in my memories, a motherly figure.
I was alone again. While I nibbled on my food I racked my brain trying to remember my last name. Or that boys name. Just anything about who I am. I wanted to go home. I wanted to know there was a family looking for me still. Deep down in my stomach I felt a fear when I thought about home. Home was wrong. Something or someone wasn’t good about my home. I couldn’t tell you why, but to me my home was a bad place, for a place with no name I could remember. I held on to the face of that boy I saw in my dreams. He was where I needed to be, and there was a desperate longing in my heart to find him. I needed to find him. I was snapped out of my though as the door opened again. A tall, brunette walked in carrying a clipboard and a pen. She smiled at me and made her way to my bed.
“Hi, I’m Marcy. I’ll be helping you learn to walk again.” She smiled and waited for me to tell her my name.
“I’m Ella, but that’s all I can tell you. I don’t remember the rest.” My voice trailed off at the end. I felt lost admitting that I couldn’t remember who I was.
“That’s ok Ella, maybe some exercise will help refresh your mind. Or take this as a chance to start again. Either way looks like a happy ending from here.” She smiled. Her optimism was funny to me. I didn’t know why but my mouth worked without me knowing, “If only that were true.” I jumped and covered my mouth with my hands after I said it.
“See I already inspired you and we haven’t even started.” She smiled at me again. She was very beautiful and caring from what I could tell.
“Thanks.” I whispered.
“I’ll be back tomorrow and we will start getting your legs back to working order, okay?” she turned and walked to the door, but stopped to wait for my reply.
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” I looked her in the eyes.
She opened the door and slid out, closing it behind her. I looked around the room for something to do. I was confined and scared and ready to scream my head off about it. Why did this happen to me? Ella the lost girl! Poor Ella doesn’t know who she is! My mind mocked me with all these things. I was supposed to know who I was. I was in a hospital and at the mercy of people I didn’t know trying to remember what I was running from.
My legs had the overwhelming need to run and I almost couldn’t stand it by the time darkness fell across my room. I didn’t turn on the light, however Lou did when she brought in the tray the held my dinner. She sat it on the rolling table, in front of me. She looked up to the TV and looked back at me, “You can’t rot you mind with all that junk already. I’ll bring you a book to read in the morning. Until then the night nurse, Shane, will check in on you while you rest dear. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She leaned in and kissed my head in a motherly way and felt humming a tone that for some reason made me want to sing. What was the name of that song? I nibbled on my dinner and watching CNN. There had to be someone still holding out hope that I was alive. There had to be some news from somewhere that I could find. Instead I found nothing but stories of a shoot-out in Nebraska, and a lot of political rambling. Still I held onto the hope that I would see myself come across that screen and know who I was. I watched until my eyes closed on their own and my brain took me into sleep.
My dreams were filled with chaos and fear. That boy was next to me in the seat of a car. He told me to act as normal as possible as we walked into a motel office from the car we were just in. He held my hand tight, so tight my fingers hurt, but I didn’t dare let go. I knew better. I couldn’t remember the conversation between this boy and the motel manager. Soon I was being pulled along behind the boy to a room. Fear raced through me as I looked around the empty desert around us. It was hot and the sun was almost blinding. Finally behind the door of the motel room. The boy sat me down on the bed and handed me by backpack, “Hold onto this. Stay right here Ella, I’ll be back with some food and then we’ll get some sleep.” He promised. My heart raced as the door closed behind him. The noise jolted me awake and I sat up fast saying “No…”
To my surprise I wasn’t alone, there was a shadow in the corner near the door. I tried to focus on the figure but it was still blurred in the darkness, “Hello?” I asked shyly.
The shadow moved slowly and in the moon light, right next to me, stood the most beautiful set of blue eyes I had ever seen. His smile was perfectly curled at the corners of his mouth and his hair kept long-ish at the top and short on the sides. It was the prefect shade of dark blonde. He could pass for an angel, and for a moment I thought I might have died. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just wondering around bored. I’m Ben, by the way.” His voice was deep and smooth. The sound was warming to my soul and I smiled.
“I’m Ella.” I told him turning on the light. He was even better looking in full light. He sat down next to me on the bed. “So what’s your excuse for imprisonment in here?” he asked.
“Imprisoned?” I asked, “I thought this was a hospital, not a prison.”
“Sorry, it’s kind of like a prison when you’ve been her so long.” He replied. Then he sat looking at me, waiting for me to speak.
“Oh, well I don’t really know why I’m here.” I finally told him, “I just woke up and all I can really remember is my first name.” that was it. The first boy I’d met and I’d run him off already. All because I didn’t know who I was, really.
“Well that’s a hell of a lot better than a lot of things.” He replied, still with that amazing smile crossed his face.
“Oh please, name one thing better then forgetting where you came from.” I scoffed. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I felt lost and I wasn’t really sure how to react to this strange new boy.
“Well, there is cancer.” He sighed looking down to his feet.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you”- I was cut off by him, “It’s really okay, you didn’t mean it, I know. I’m ok with it. I’ll survive this.” He seemed so hopeful as his eyes met mine again. His stare send shivers down my spine. “Cold?” he asked.
“No,” awkward, “So what has you up all night?”
“I can’t sleep. I have surgery in the morning and it’s a little hard to sleep knowing you’re going to be sliced open in the morning.” He let out a deep sigh, “Oh well, that’s life.”
“Wow, that’s gotta suck. How do you not get scared?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m scared.” He admitted, “I know I might not wake up, but maybe I found a reason too.” His smile widened, if that was possible, then he looked up to me. I felt the heat in my cheeks when he looked to me.
“I guess you will.” I replied.
My door swung open again, a bigger man with dark skin stomped in, “There you are. Ben, you should be resting.” The man said.
“Well Warden Shane, I couldn’t sleep and I found someone else who couldn’t sleep either.” He smiled at me, “Sorry to bother you Ella. Until we meet again.” He smiled and raised his hand to wave at me.
“Come on Casa Nova” Shane smiled. They both left my room and I flipped my lights back off. I feared that I would only hurt Ben though, because I didn’t know my past and whatever was buried in my mind wasn’t good. I could feel it deep in my soul. Maybe I should take Marcy’s advice and start fresh. But could I do that? Could I start over? What if someone bad came looking for me? I don’t know if I could handle my past confronting my present. Just as the sun was kissing the sky with its light, I closed my eyes again and let the sleep take over.
Before I Sleep
Prelude
Shit Ella, they’re on to us. But they think I killed you. Why?” his voice was so calming that I wasn’t worried in the slightest. My brother on the other hand worried a lot. He was sure that monster of a father we shared was trying to kill us and pin it on someone else. That was true, our father wanted us dead, and just months after killing our mother, his wife, so we ran. They were on to us though. My brother has a taller boy with short blonde hair. You know, your average heartbreaker. His eyes were a shade of brownish-green that I couldn’t figure out, but they were so easy to look into.
“You know if he can blame someone else he will. Calm down Franklin.” I whispered almost. My long brown hair fell around my shoulders as I watched the news about us. It was all across the country, that Franklin was on the run, and that I was thought to be dead.
Suddenly we heard car doors slam shut in front of our hotel room. We had made it to Vegas in the three days we had been running. Franklin rushed to the peephole and peeked through, “Shit, we gotta go Ell, its dad’s men and I am sure they aren’t happy to be chasing us around.” My brother was stuffing things back into our backpacks as he spoke.
“I’m not afraid anymore Franklin. I’m tired and I want to rest.” I whined.
“Ella, if we go home we won’t survive his wrath. We have to hide and if we don’t go out the window in the bathroom we will never make it.” He whispered now.
Thank god for cheap motels with bathroom windows. Franklin had made it out just as the door to our room was kicked in. He grabbed my arm and we ran to the side of the building. We snuck around to the front and into Franklin’s car. As soon as the car started we knew we were had. Dad’s goons ran out of our room and towards their car. I know because I looked back even thought my brother told me not too. He floored the gas petal and we were on the run again. But the black SUV with Iowa plates followed us, and fast. Before I could blink my pretty blue eyes, they were ramming us from behind. “Buckle up Ell, this won’t end pretty.” Franklin said. I did as he suggested.
“I’m scared, I don’t want to die Franklin.” I shouted fumbling with my seatbelt.
“Ella, I’ll protect you, I swear. Don’t be scared, hold you head up high and never let anyone push you around. Do you hear me Ell, NO ONE!” my brother sounded more frightened then I felt.
“FRANKLIN!” I shouted with fear as we were rammed by the SUV harder this time.
“It’s ok Ell, I love you and I won’t let them hurt you.” He promised me as he used his foot to try and convince the car to go faster. Suddenly we were rammed one more time and the car started to lose its grip. We slid around the road at least three times, until the tires hit desert, then we flipped and crashed to the ground. My head was spinning and when we finally stopped I saw Franklin’s lifeless body hanging in his chair. Still belted in and sobbing, “Franklin?… Please talk to me.”
I heard a car coming closer to us and I knew I had to go, but I couldn’t get my brother to open his eyes. I unbuckled myself and crashed to the roof of the car. I slid out and looked around, nowhere to hide, so I ducked down along the side of the car as the footsteps and voices got closer to Franklin’s car. I found the trunk open and slid behind it to stay out of sight.
“Where’s the girl?” one of them asked.
“She’s not here.” The other one noted as he pulled Franklin from the car.
“Do you think he really did kill her? I mean he was a good kid you know.” The first man said.
“This kid loved his sister too much. He wouldn’t hurt her. She ran and now we gotta find her too. But first we take him in. At least we got one of them.” The man threw Franklin over his overly muscled shoulder and they both walked away. I held my hand over my mouth to stop from being heard as I cried. They drove off with Franklin, and I was on my own.
I rummaged through the car for my things, and when I had my backpack I was off. I ran as long as I could in the heat, them slowed to a walk. By the time night rolled around I could see a small town, with a lot of lights, and that’s where I would hide. I never made it though. The last thing I remembered was falling to the ground. It was too hot and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I, Ella Marie Parker, was giving up. My family was notorious for not giving up without bloodshed, and here I was dying on the side of the road trying to break free from the rains of my family name. I would never be like them, I wasn’t a monster like my dad. Then the blackness settled in and all my memories seemed so far away. I was alone and dead, or so I thought.
Waking Up
Chapter One
Ella, you need to wake up…… Open your eyes Ella…….WAKE UP ELLA!” the boy in my mind was yelling at me and I felt my eyes start to flutter open and closed. He looked familiar and I knew that I knew who he was but I couldn’t remember his name or how I knew of him.
I felt a hand grabbing at mine, but it was too small to be a man’s. There was a gentle squeeze and a sweet whisper on a woman’s voice, “Come on dear, I’m here and I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” The sweetest voice behind that whisper.
Slowly I started to open my eyes and at first I was blinded by the sun rays drifting through the windows. Once adjusted, my eyes drifted to my right and I found a sweet looking older woman smiling at me, “I’ve been waiting a long time for those eyes to wake up.” The same sweet voice from a few moments ago. She was shorter with tanned skin and short brown hair. “I’m Lou, I’ve been waiting 8 long months to see your eyes open. I’m a nurse at Mercy General, do you know where you are?”
I shook my head no, I had no idea where I was.
“All right, I’ll get the doctor and we will go from there. Just lay back and I’ll be right back.” Lou smiled as she walked away. The door closed with a bit of a thud and I was alone. But where was I exactly? Who was I? Where had I come from? I couldn’t remember anything. That was scary all of the sudden and I felt the water start to spill from my eyes. The door opened, and a man walked in. Dressed in hospital scrubs in a worn shade of green, he looked to be in his late forties. He wore glasses and had a scruffy, but gentle looking face, “Hi there, I’m Dr. Harris. It’s nice to see you awake. Do you know your name?” he asked. His face looked calm and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue and wiped at my face. I jumped a little.
“I’m Ella.” I replied.
“Do you have a last name Ella?” he asked.
“Not that I can remember.” My voice sounded scratchy. My throat was dry and I started to cough a little. The doctor got up and disappeared into my room. He returned as I settled down and handed me a paper cup of water. It felt cold in my hand and even better going down my throat.
“Alright, What do you remember Ella?” Dr. Harris asked.
I took a few moments to think, what did I remember? Who is Ella? I remembered my childhood, but no names or places just a really nice woman, I could only assume was my mother, and a nice boy a little older than me. The same boy from the dream that woke me up. I remembered his eyes, a shade of greenish brown that I loved. I took my time explaining all this to Dr. Harris. He seemed to nod in agreement with me and listened intently. Finally he spoke, “It’s normal to have a little memory loss with a long nap like you had. We’ll figure this out though. I want you to know that a few detectives have been waiting a long time to talk to you and they might be by in a few days to talk to you. In the mean time I just want you to relax and let the memories come back to you. Lou will be your nurse and Marcy will be by soon to meet you, she’s going to get your body moving again so we can get you out of this place.” The man smiled like all was well.
“Okay.” I replied shyly.
Dr. Harris smiled and left. Moments later Lou came in with a tray and sat it in front of me. She smiled at me, “I thought you might be hungry, so I brought a snack. If you need anything just push this button,” she pointed to an orange button on the side of my bed, “Otherwise I’ll be back to check on you in a little while dear.” She turned and walked out just as gracefully as she came in. I really like her, she reminded me of the woman in my memories, a motherly figure.
I was alone again. While I nibbled on my food I racked my brain trying to remember my last name. Or that boys name. Just anything about who I am. I wanted to go home. I wanted to know there was a family looking for me still. Deep down in my stomach I felt a fear when I thought about home. Home was wrong. Something or someone wasn’t good about my home. I couldn’t tell you why, but to me my home was a bad place, for a place with no name I could remember. I held on to the face of that boy I saw in my dreams. He was where I needed to be, and there was a desperate longing in my heart to find him. I needed to find him. I was snapped out of my though as the door opened again. A tall, brunette walked in carrying a clipboard and a pen. She smiled at me and made her way to my bed.
“Hi, I’m Marcy. I’ll be helping you learn to walk again.” She smiled and waited for me to tell her my name.
“I’m Ella, but that’s all I can tell you. I don’t remember the rest.” My voice trailed off at the end. I felt lost admitting that I couldn’t remember who I was.
“That’s ok Ella, maybe some exercise will help refresh your mind. Or take this as a chance to start again. Either way looks like a happy ending from here.” She smiled. Her optimism was funny to me. I didn’t know why but my mouth worked without me knowing, “If only that were true.” I jumped and covered my mouth with my hands after I said it.
“See I already inspired you and we haven’t even started.” She smiled at me again. She was very beautiful and caring from what I could tell.
“Thanks.” I whispered.
“I’ll be back tomorrow and we will start getting your legs back to working order, okay?” she turned and walked to the door, but stopped to wait for my reply.
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” I looked her in the eyes.
She opened the door and slid out, closing it behind her. I looked around the room for something to do. I was confined and scared and ready to scream my head off about it. Why did this happen to me? Ella the lost girl! Poor Ella doesn’t know who she is! My mind mocked me with all these things. I was supposed to know who I was. I was in a hospital and at the mercy of people I didn’t know trying to remember what I was running from.
My legs had the overwhelming need to run and I almost couldn’t stand it by the time darkness fell across my room. I didn’t turn on the light, however Lou did when she brought in the tray the held my dinner. She sat it on the rolling table, in front of me. She looked up to the TV and looked back at me, “You can’t rot you mind with all that junk already. I’ll bring you a book to read in the morning. Until then the night nurse, Shane, will check in on you while you rest dear. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She leaned in and kissed my head in a motherly way and felt humming a tone that for some reason made me want to sing. What was the name of that song? I nibbled on my dinner and watching CNN. There had to be someone still holding out hope that I was alive. There had to be some news from somewhere that I could find. Instead I found nothing but stories of a shoot-out in Nebraska, and a lot of political rambling. Still I held onto the hope that I would see myself come across that screen and know who I was. I watched until my eyes closed on their own and my brain took me into sleep.
My dreams were filled with chaos and fear. That boy was next to me in the seat of a car. He told me to act as normal as possible as we walked into a motel office from the car we were just in. He held my hand tight, so tight my fingers hurt, but I didn’t dare let go. I knew better. I couldn’t remember the conversation between this boy and the motel manager. Soon I was being pulled along behind the boy to a room. Fear raced through me as I looked around the empty desert around us. It was hot and the sun was almost blinding. Finally behind the door of the motel room. The boy sat me down on the bed and handed me by backpack, “Hold onto this. Stay right here Ella, I’ll be back with some food and then we’ll get some sleep.” He promised. My heart raced as the door closed behind him. The noise jolted me awake and I sat up fast saying “No…”
To my surprise I wasn’t alone, there was a shadow in the corner near the door. I tried to focus on the figure but it was still blurred in the darkness, “Hello?” I asked shyly.
The shadow moved slowly and in the moon light, right next to me, stood the most beautiful set of blue eyes I had ever seen. His smile was perfectly curled at the corners of his mouth and his hair kept long-ish at the top and short on the sides. It was the prefect shade of dark blonde. He could pass for an angel, and for a moment I thought I might have died. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just wondering around bored. I’m Ben, by the way.” His voice was deep and smooth. The sound was warming to my soul and I smiled.
“I’m Ella.” I told him turning on the light. He was even better looking in full light. He sat down next to me on the bed. “So what’s your excuse for imprisonment in here?” he asked.
“Imprisoned?” I asked, “I thought this was a hospital, not a prison.”
“Sorry, it’s kind of like a prison when you’ve been her so long.” He replied. Then he sat looking at me, waiting for me to speak.
“Oh, well I don’t really know why I’m here.” I finally told him, “I just woke up and all I can really remember is my first name.” that was it. The first boy I’d met and I’d run him off already. All because I didn’t know who I was, really.
“Well that’s a hell of a lot better than a lot of things.” He replied, still with that amazing smile crossed his face.
“Oh please, name one thing better then forgetting where you came from.” I scoffed. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I felt lost and I wasn’t really sure how to react to this strange new boy.
“Well, there is cancer.” He sighed looking down to his feet.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you”- I was cut off by him, “It’s really okay, you didn’t mean it, I know. I’m ok with it. I’ll survive this.” He seemed so hopeful as his eyes met mine again. His stare send shivers down my spine. “Cold?” he asked.
“No,” awkward, “So what has you up all night?”
“I can’t sleep. I have surgery in the morning and it’s a little hard to sleep knowing you’re going to be sliced open in the morning.” He let out a deep sigh, “Oh well, that’s life.”
“Wow, that’s gotta suck. How do you not get scared?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m scared.” He admitted, “I know I might not wake up, but maybe I found a reason too.” His smile widened, if that was possible, then he looked up to me. I felt the heat in my cheeks when he looked to me.
“I guess you will.” I replied.
My door swung open again, a bigger man with dark skin stomped in, “There you are. Ben, you should be resting.” The man said.
“Well Warden Shane, I couldn’t sleep and I found someone else who couldn’t sleep either.” He smiled at me, “Sorry to bother you Ella. Until we meet again.” He smiled and raised his hand to wave at me.
“Come on Casa Nova” Shane smiled. They both left my room and I flipped my lights back off. I feared that I would only hurt Ben though, because I didn’t know my past and whatever was buried in my mind wasn’t good. I could feel it deep in my soul. Maybe I should take Marcy’s advice and start fresh. But could I do that? Could I start over? What if someone bad came looking for me? I don’t know if I could handle my past confronting my present. Just as the sun was kissing the sky with its light, I closed my eyes again and let the sleep take over.
July 21, 2014
Angel Whispers
Here's the first part of a short story I've been working on. Let me know what you think!!!!
All I could remember was squeezing his rough hand as the car slammed into the giant truck. I couldn’t see much I was blinded by the headlights and his love. I know I loved him, but I haven’t seen him in so long I forgot his face. His name. He disappeared and I just walk the earth. No one can see me, I know I’m dead. But why didn’t I cross over with him? Did I let go of his hand and lost him? Or did he cross over and leave me? All I have is time because I can’t figure out how to settle my soul. I find I occasionally stumble across another lost soul but they are a rare thing to find. I just wish I could talk to someone, anyone, real. I want to feel that love again, if not him then someone else. I want to feel warmth again. I haven’t been able to see my own reflection in so long I forgot what color my eyes are. The rest of me was pale and white except the little bit of pink left on my fingernails. I’ve roamed from town to town all over looking for my home and any sign of what is keeping me here.
I pushed through walls and listen to the life of the living as I passed through. I pretend I could feel their love, hope, pain, and fear. Oh to feel again, anything to feel again. It’s a sad, lonely life being a ghost. I want to be released to find the man I lost. I can’t though, I don’t know what I’m chasing after. So I hang around and help the living as much as I can. Finding lost things, chasing away dark spirits, anything I can do. If I can’t find my home at least I can feel like I’m doing something as I pass by. I always wonder how people can live so blindly they can’t see me. All they have to do it open their eyes.
Welcome to Madison where the grass is always greener.
The sign coming into to town looked like a nice big city to hide in, man was I wrong. It was almost a ghost town. There couldn’t have been more then24 houses in this town. Something here felt like it was pulling me in, I was being guided here.
It was midnight when I sat down on the front steps of a bright red house trimmed in white. I felt like I knew this place. I heard a noise and when I looked up a found a boy climbing out a second story window. He slipped, without thinking I jumped up to grab him before he fell and broke his leg. I wrapped my arms around him as he fell and found I fell with him. I felt his warm body touch mine as we hit the ground together. I could feel his heartbeat. What was this? He jumped too and turned to face me. He looked just as bewildered as I was to see him looking at me.
“Who are you?” he asked, his voice so sweet and deep. His hair was a long kind of short and dark blonde in color. His eyes flashed blue as they looked at me. His hands were soft in mine and he jumped at my touch a little before helping me to my feet. I knew this face, but how?
“You can see me?” I asked back in shock. I missed the sound of my voice.
“Well, yeah, you are standing right here aren’t you?” he replied.
I gasped at his words, he could hear me too. What the hell was happening to me? I suddenly lost my voice and he looked at me waiting for an answer. I felt like I had a heart beat again and it felt amazing.
“Are you a ghost too?” I finally found my voice.
“Ghost?” he asked weirdly.
“You mean you’re alive?” I asked.
“Yeah, hey are you alright?” he asked me.
“Who are you talking to Andy?” another girl asked as she approached him.
“This,…..” he stopped talking, I had ran since he could see me and watched around the corner of the house as he stood for a moment and walked away after shaking his head.
Someone could really see me? And talk to me? This might be something worth hanging around for. I have wanted this for as long as I could remember. I just hope this is real. I sat back down on the steps and watched the night slip by. Then I remembered my name, I forgot to give it him. But I was still in shock that he had seen me, he felt my body, he heard my voice.
I didn’t need a lot but I did pick up a few things as I passed around from place to place. I kept it all in an old backpack I had found years ago. I pulled out a little toy, it was the last thing I remembered receiving from the love I was after. It felt like minutes had passed but in fact the sun was coming up and the boy who could see me was coming home. I got up off his stairs and walked away.
“Hey, wait!” he yelled.
I stopped and I knew that I shouldn’t have. He caught up with me and placed he gentle hand on my shoulder. I shivered at the touch like I knew it. I turned to face him and the small amount of light in the sky made his eyes shimmer more.
“Hey where did you go?” he asked me.
“Oh, I’m not around for long.” I replied.
“Then why were you still sitting on my steps?” he asked.
“Look, I don’t think I get this right now but I was serious earlier.” I replied dumbly. No one had seen me and been alive before.
“About what? I’m Andy by the way.” He said.
“I’m Shay, I’m a ghost.” I replied sadly.
“Ghosts aren’t real.” he laughed.
“I’m dead, my body died.” I said. I looked away.
He touched my arm now and seemed to jump at the touch, “Why are you so cold? It’s the middle of summer.”
“I told you, I’m dead.” I insisted.
“But how can I see you and talk to you and touch you?” he asked me.
“I don’t know, it’s never happened to me.”
I stood in the street and he stood on the curb looking at me. A kid on a bike delivering papers sped by on his bike and went right through me. Andy jumped back in fear. I pulled some of my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“But,…..” he couldn’t finish is words.
I turned and started walking away again. This kid was going to lose his mind because of me. He turned to me and looked sadly as I walked away.
“Wait.” He stopped me again.
“Yeah?” I asked turning around.
“Hang around, let me see if I can help you find your place.” He smiled sweetly at me.
I thought about it, I really could get used to a life of someone who could hear me. But he was only human too and if I got too attached I would kill him too. I killed them all, wait, I remembered something.
********************************
The air was warm and smelled of fresh flowers. Summer was in full swing. I would have followed him anywhere and I did. I ran out the door towards his car with my mom yelling at me all the way. I remembered feeling the tears burning in my eyes. I slammed the door to his bright red mussel car with my anger. I kissed him making sure mom was watching me. I knew it pissed her off when I did this to her. I could still hear her call my name, Shayla Marie Saunders get back here now! She thought my name would stop me. It didn’t.
He turned the music up and sped off into the small town with me by his side. We parked and watched clouds in the park for a while. It was a small town so there weren’t many places to hide. He could always find a place to hide me. We met up with a group of friends at a party later that night. I clung to his side like a magnet. He loved it. The more beers he had the more he wanted me and the more I thought about giving him all I had. He kissed me with such passion I would have believed anything that came out of his lips.
Then my mom showed up. We all took off running for our cars, it was well after midnight and she was pissed off more than she was in afternoon. We made it to his car and sped off before she could pull me from the car. She screamed for me to stop as the car swerved all over the road.
That was the big mistake. That last thing I did was flip my mother the bird with a wicked smile before the accident. He was too drunk to be driving, damn what was his name? I grabbed for his hand and he squeezed my hand back.
“I love you Shay.” He whispered.
The headlights flew at us and I screamed. The last thing I felt was his hand and I squeezed it. Then I woke up in a cemetery in front of my head stone. I looked at my mom as she cried day after day over my grave. I tried to scream at her, to talk to her, to touch her, and nothing worked. I tried for months to get her attention and when I finally stumbled upon the first lost soul I encountered he told me that I was dead and no one but the dead could see me anymore.
I denied it for a few months pretending to be alive, trying to live. Then one day it hit me that I couldn’t remember how to. So I started to wonder. I walked and walked. I stopped and helped once and that was how I remembered how to live. Giving my help when I could as I was around. Then I remembered him. Well, kind of, and turned for home. Why wasn’t he with me? He said he loved me and he had disappeared. I searched all over for him, any little thing that I might remember. Just something. The more eternity goes on though the more I realized I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I wanted peace and rest. I pushed to keep walking though. Through walls and along the streets, wherever I wanted to go I could.
In the south I discovered people who claimed they could talk to the dead. That was the biggest lie I had ever heard. I screamed and yelled trying to get any one of them to hear my words and no one could. I stopped at every one I could find. I still do from time to time if my mood is feeling it. Just to see if someone else could hear me or see me.
There are perks to being alone, you can sing as loud as you want and no one can hear you. Occasionally I would move things to freak people out and no one could hear me laugh. No one could see me dance like a fool or tell me I was dressing too skimpy.
Then I met Candi. She was a sweet little girl who could see me. She listened to me and I calmed her fears of the dark. But as the months rolled by, she pushed me away. She said kids made fun of her for talking to herself because no one else could see me. So again I was alone and wondering around. That’s when I started carrying the backpack around. No one can see it if I touch it or hold it. So I started collecting things.
From up until now I was just looking for a place I could find my peace and now I was faced with Andy. A sweet 17 year old boy who could see me and wanted to talk to me. He didn’t know me but felt compelled to. It was real and the most real thing I had ever remembered feeling.
“Come on, no one can see you so you can stay with me.” He smiled.
I took his hand and followed him shyly to his room. He climbed the wall from outside and I took the stairs. I met him in his room and sat down on his bed. He smiled at me like he had never seen a girl before.
“So Shay, what brings you here?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just looking for rest.” I said stupidly.
“Well lay down and let’s rest. Wait, do ghost sleep?” he asked.
“We can but we don’t need to.” I replied.
“Well then let’s get some rest.” He smiled at me handsomely. He laid down around me and I laid down facing him. Clearly he was drunk from the smell of his breath and the dizziness of his eyes. I got the strange feeling he knew me better then I knew myself. “Why are you so pretty for a ghost?” he asked.
“Thanks, I guess.” I smiled.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” he asked. Suddenly he had the fear of a child on his face.
“If you want me too. If you can’t see me just say my name and I will appear.” I promised.
“Shay I feel the need to help you and I don’t know why.” He smiled at me.
“Get some sleep, you’re really drunk.” I smiled back at him.
His eyes closed and he finally let his mind shut down. I laid there and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful and happy in his dreaming state. Andy reached over and pulled me into his chest. It was a warm, I missed being warm. He shivered a little and held on to me tighter like he could warm me up. I closed my eyes and tried to remember how to dream. It wasn’t working though, so I just laid there and let Andy hold me. It was nice and inviting. I felt a sudden need to close my eyes and I did.
I found myself running wildly with Andy. He held my hand, without shivering, and laughed with me. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my pale skin. I was breathing and felt alive. Was this what dreaming was? Was this his dream I was watching? Did he want me? There was a sudden noise and he jumped to attention as the door to his room flew open. I watched invisibly from my place on the bed.
A slim woman with the same blue eyes that shimmered like it had flakes of silver in it. Her face was stern and Andy rolled over and onto the floor. He hit the floor with a huge thump.
“Andrew Michael!” she screamed with rage.
“What mom?” he asked as he picked himself up from the floor.
“You get your butt out of bed and clean all the mud off of my house and then you can scrub it out of the carpet. And don’t even think about leaving again for the next month!” she demanded.
“Ok, give me a minute to get up.” He whined.
“Fine! I’ll be back and you had better be ready or I will call your father.” Her tone was low and serious.
She turned and slammed the door behind her. Andy sat on the floor for a moment and collected his memories of the night before. He jumped and seemed to remember something. He looked at his bed in shock that it looked empty.
“Shay?” he whispered.
I let myself show to him. He smiled in relief when he saw me. He slipped his muddy shoes back on and walked to the door. He stopped and looked back at me, “I’ll be right back.” He whispered.
I nodded in agreement. When the door shut behind him I sat up and looked around his room. There were pictures everywhere of him and two other boys. Halloween pictures and football pictures and family pictures. He had dance pictures hanging on the wall. The girl was a pretty little blonde and he looked good with her. I felt a smile cross my face looking at his memories.
I hadn’t lived long enough to make it to a dance, not that I would have gone. I only made it to 16 before the accident. I never should have got in that pretty little car. But I thought I was in love, so I followed him, and he left me behind. I felt something deep in my chest. It hurt so bad thinking about him leaving me behind. Who was he? I felt something run down my face. I found tears when I wiped my face, I was feeling something. I hadn’t done that since I was alive.
“Are you ok?” Andy asked rushing to my side.
“I’m fine.” I wiped my face of tears and tried to force a smile.
“Shay you were crying.” He gasped, “I didn’t know you could.”
“I didn’t remember that I could.” I shivered out the words.
He was covered in muddy water from scrubbing the house outside. His mother pushed her way in with a bucket of soapy water and sat it on the floor.
“Now scrub my carpet.” She demanded pointing to his room where he had climbed in.
“Ok.” He sighed.
She left in a thunderous stomp and he moved to the floor and started scrubbing. He peaked back up at me.
“So why were you crying?” he asked.
“I can’t remember his name.” I let the words spill out.
“Ok, well then let’s start somewhere else, where are you from?” he asked.
“The middle of nowhere.” I laughed, “Oh wow somewhere in Iowa. I can’t remember the name of the town.”
“You’re not too far from home then.” He smiled at me, “You could always find a new home.”
“As nice as that sounds its boring when you don’t have anyone to talk to.” I fumble over my words.
“I can talk to you. Why not stay here?” he asked.
“Andy, you will get locked up talking to me all the time. Everyone will think you’re crazy.” I laughed.
“They already do.” He laughed with me.
“If you want me to hang out I will. But eventually I will have to leave.” I let out a sigh.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why do you want me to stay?” I asked back.
He stopped what he was doing and sat up to look at me. His blue eyes looked at me and I felt a warmth from inside my body, “Look I know this sounds crazy, but I have dreamt about you since I was little. I really want you to stay and help me figure out what it means now that I know you.”
“What?” I asked in shock.
“I dream about your accident and in my dreams I save you. Then you become real.” he said trailing off at the end.
“You can’t make me real I’m dead.” I said. I wasn’t worried he couldn’t hurt me.
“I don’t think you are though. There is something else in you and I think we can find you.” He insisted.
Damn those blue eyes, they sucked me in with his handsome face. He had to be crazy, you can’t bring the dead back to life. He didn’t believe I was dead. I couldn’t stop the laugh from coming out of my mouth. The door flew open again and his mom stomped in.
“Who are you talking to?” she asked.
Her eyes passed over me time and time again looking for someone. She couldn’t see me.
“Myself.” He snapped at her.
“Watch your tone Andrew.” She snapped back and stomped out.
He cringed at the sound of the door slamming yet again. He looked back to his bed and looked sad for a moment. I felt translucent and brought my color back into being. A smile crossed his face and he looked relieved to see me.
“She’s really mad at you. Maybe you should stop sneaking out.” I smiled as I teased him.
“Yeah, but then where would I have fun at?” he smiled back at me.
“I don’t think that drinking is a good use of your life though.” I said.
“I have heard that a few times before.” He laughed.
“I’m not joking Andy.” I was serious, drinking killed me.
“It’s not like I go around driving drunk.” He said before he could stop himself.
“Maybe I should go.” I said feeling a little more pain in my chest.
“Please wait I didn’t mean it.” He begged.
“Andy you know that’s how I died.” I said looking down.
I felt the water in my eyes again. He got up from the floor and sat next to me. He wrapped a warm arm around me and pulled me into him. I shivered being so close to him. But he felt almost familiar to my body, like it knew his touch. I sank right in and took in the heat.
“I never meant to upset you.” He smiled at me.
“I’m fine.” I wiped my face.
“Look please hang around here. Let’s try to follow my dream and see where it leads us.” He suggested.
If I stayed I would have to watch him and play along like he could save me. If I leave I will never know why and I really haven’t got anything else to do. I didn’t want to hurt him though.
“Andy, look,…” he cut me off.
“Please say you’ll stay. I’ve dreamed of this for a long time and I would hate to lose you already.” He begged.
“Andy please, I don’t want to hurt you.” My feelings were clear on my face to him. I could see my reflection in his eyes.
“You won’t hurt me. I know it.” He persisted.
I let out a deep sigh and felt the air in my lungs. I hadn’t done that in a long time. Was he really the key to getting my life back? Had anyone else been able to be given life back? He was eagerly waiting for me to talk to him.
“Fine. I’ll stay.” I said.
“Thank you!” he sighed.
He got back to scrubbing the carpet before his mom came back in and yelled some more. She was frightening. She reminded me of my mom. She cared about him. Finally she was done with him and he disappeared into the house. When he returned he was cleaned up and ready to talk. He turned on the stereo softly to cover his voice since he was grounded. He sat on the floor in front of me and looked up.
“So what do you remember?” he asked.
“Being a kid.” I smiled.
“So what really happened?” he pushed.
“Can we talk about you? I’m not so sure I know what really happened to me.” I sighed.
“Sure, what do you want to know?” he asked.
“Have you always lived here?” I asked.
“Yeah, I have. Mom and dad and no siblings. So I get a lot of attention.” He sighed.
“You have a lot of friends?” I asked.
“Define a lot.” He replied.
“Are you the popular jock kid?” I asked again.
“Kind of. This is a small town everyone knows everyone here.” He said.
“So you like music?” I asked.
“Yeah, there isn’t a lot to do here. I have a small garage band with my friends. We don’t really play a lot though.” He smiled.
“I would love to hear it sometime.” I smiled.
“Ok we can go to my next practice together.” He smiled.
“Oh yeah, I’d like that.” I said.
“What do you like to do Shay?” he asked me.
“I don’t know, I haven’t thought about that in a long time.” I said.
“What did you like to do?” he pushed on.
“I always sing even though I’m not really good at it. I can remember painting. Oh and I used to keep tons of notebooks full of poetry.” I smiled remembering something.
He was smiling at me and listening intently, “Do you remember any of your poems?”
“Um maybe,” I took a moment to think about the notebooks. What was in them? The words were blurry but then it came in to view and spilled out of my mouth, “One day something’s got to give. One day I will learn to live. Face me and I will show you light, as we walk together through the night. Frozen together, I have you for my own.”
I looked down at him from the bed and he was hanging on every word. I could almost hear his heart beating.
“That was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.” He said softly.
“Thank you.” I blushed.
“Shay?” he asked me.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“What do you think all my dreams mean?” he asked.
“That you read into your dreams too much.” I replied.
“But it’s been you every time.” He insisted.
“You can’t really have dreamt of me all your life.” I replied.
“I have. You are literally the girl of my dreams.” He insisted.
“So what else happens in these dreams you have?” I asked.
“Well the one I have the most we are together and we are hiking. We come across a cave and inside we found a book with your name on it. Shayla Saunders right?” he asked.
“Yeah, what book?” I asked almost in shock.
“The book of angels.” He smiled at me.
“You think I’m an angel?” I gasped.
“I don’t know but there was more than that. I had deeper feelings in my heart.” He said looking away shyly.
I tried to remember more. Was I really and angel sent for him to love? Is this what I have been searching for all along? This couldn’t be true, I remembered the pain of dying. I stared to remember my mom. Her long hair and beautiful face. The way her brown eyes always begged me not to go out with my friends. She would always tell me, “You’re too good for that boy.” My heart was longing for him though. It was defiance that keep me clung to that kid.
My mom had a nickname for me, what was it? I pushed my brain hard for answers of my past. She used to call me…… little angel. That was it she used to call me her angel. Wait, was he right? Am I an angel and not a ghost? I was told for as long as I could remember I was a ghost.
“Shay? Hello?” Andy was talking to me.
“Sorry, I remembered something.” I gasped.
“What?” he asked eagerly.
“My mom used to call me her little angel.” I replied. Water on the verge of falling from my eyes like a waterfall
“See I knew it! You were meant to come here and I was meant to give you life.” He smiled at me.
“Andy I don’t think so. It seems too unreal to be true.” I said looking down at my boots.
“Shay you’re so pretty in real life.” He gazed at me.
“Andy, I think you have lost your mind.” I replied.
“Since it’s summer, in a few days when my mom is sick of me we will go to the library and dig through records and see if you can find a place to start.” He smiled.
“Thank you. Andy I will follow you since you asked me too. But I don’t think you can bring me back to life.” I smiled softly.
“Ok, I’m glad you’ll follow me.” He smiled.
We talked for hours and I did almost feel human again. He made me smile and we both jumped a few times when his mom burst in to see if he was still in his room.
“Your unusually obedient today Andrew.” She finally said.
“I’m just tired mom.” He replied to her.
She shrugged and left again. Andy didn’t even go to dinner, he was so busy talking to me about my life. He told me more about his band and his friends and that girl from last night.
“Do you like her?” I asked him. Wait was that jealousy I felt.
“No, she likes me a lot though.” He smiled at me, “I like you.”
“You don’t know me and I’m a ghost.” I replied.
“You’re an angel and I’m getting to know you now. From all the dreams I feel like I know you already. You make me feel safe in here.” He said shyly.
“That’s sweet Andy, but I don’t think it will work out.” I laughed.
“You will change your mind once we find that book.” He insisted.
We laid down in his bed and looked at each other again. He pulled me into his chest and smiled. He pulled the blankets up around me and made me feel warm. Andy looked happy to do it and determined to help me. He reached his hand up and brushed the hair from my face. As he touched me, I shivered at his fingertips gracing my face. He laughed at me.
“Andy you know this sounds crazy right?” I asked him.
“I know, but I know there has to be something about you. And in my heart I know I can bring you back to life.” He smiled.
“Get some sleep.” I smiled at him.
And he gazed into my eyes until his closed out of need. My eyes felt heavy too and I fell into his dreams again. Andy was pulling my hand along as we raced up a dirt pathway on the side of a giant, tree covered hill.
“Come on Shay!” he said as he pulled me along. He was right we did come up on a cave. It pulled us into its darkness, like it knew what we were there for. There was an alter with a huge thick book across it. I opened it up. Inside, it flips the dusty pages right to a chapter in the book titled Shayla Saunders. There was nothing I could make out, the ink looked like it was smeared.
“See Shay! It says right here how to save you. I can make you real.” He smiled. Then he pulled me in and kissed me. To my surprise I kissed him back, like I had done it a million times before. I felt the rush that he felt in his dreams. It felt so real and warm. I could almost taste his lips.
“I love you Shay.” He whispered.
It made me jump. I sat up fast gasping for air. Andy was still sleeping and hadn’t moved at all. What was this craziness in my head? Was I letting him get to my thoughts? I lay back down and closed my eyes again.
“Were did you go Shay?” Andy asked when I met him in his dream.
“Andy, where are we?” I asked looking around.
There was nothing but night around us. Trees were tall and a small opening gave moonlight to his handsome face.
“This is where we jump. When we wake up you will be alive and I will be yours.” He smiled at me. It made no sense.
“Andy? Why did you kiss me?” I asked him.
“Because it felt right. I’ve had the urge to kiss you since the night you sat on my steps.” He smiled back at me.
This was the future, he knew it. He had been waiting a long time for me to come around. I tangled my fingers in his and he put his other hand’s soft fingers on my cheek. His eyes looked at me in amazement. I could almost feel the tingle of life racing through me. This time we both sat up fast. We looked at each other, chests heaving in panic.
“Was that real?” I asked, “It can’t be, once you die you can’t come back.”
“Maybe you’re a different kind of ghost. Or maybe you are an angel.” He smiled at me. He was still gasping for air. I felt like he knew more than I did.
“I don’t think I should stay here. I think that is just a really great dream. And how do I know that you have seen me for years? And how do you know you want me?” the words just fell out and hit the ground. It almost made a sound.
“Shay! Calm down! It will work, it has to. Look I never believed this stuff would happen either. But then you showed up. I’m taking that as a sign of this being real.” Andy proclaimed.
“Why did you wake up?” I asked him.
“I have never seen that part before.” He admitted.
“What was happening?” I asked him.
“You were becoming human again. Your face had color to it and you were a normal temperature not just cold.” He teased me.
I gasped hearing him say it. That had to be just a dream. I needed the adventure anyways, what else was I doing? But I hated knowing that he was going to get hurt when it didn’t happen. He took my hand in his and held it. He pulled me back down with him and closed his eyes again. He held me tight. Like he loved me. I let it soak in but the fear was in the back of my mind.
You can’t get attached Shay. It will kill him chasing this down. You need to get a grip and get out of there. Do you hear me?
I hate it when my mind talks back to me. My soul longed for the need to know. Was I doing something right and being given the chance to try again? That couldn’t be, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. Or had I? I couldn’t remember. He squeezed me tighter in his sleep. He pulled me back into his dream and he was holding my hand again. I could see myself looking alive. It was surreal. I could feel the touch of his hand in mine. I felt the press of his lips to mine when he leaned in for a kiss.
“Shay?” I heard a whisper.
My eyes jetted open and I felt my being appear. Andy was to my right. He was looking back at me with a smile and bright eyes.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“How was your dream?” he giggled.
“It was amazing to do it again.” I admitted.
“See becoming more normal by the day.” He smiled endlessly.
I smiled back at him to appease him. I hope I don’t destroy him when he can’t bring me back to life. He disappeared into the house for a while and finally came back to grab a bag.
“Come on, I got my car back and I can go to the library and back.” He winked.
I got up and followed him. No need to use the doors but I did sit next to him in the car to make him feel better. I followed him into the old, dilapidated, building that was the public library. I felt like I knew this place once. I followed him to the very back corner where the computers where hidden. He sat down and tapped furiously on the keyboard. He clicked his mouse, reading into everything he could find on me.
I read what happened to me. I remembered most of it. Now I had a name though. I knew who he was no and his face was suddenly all over my memories as they flooded back to me. I started to cry looking over all this stuff about me. However we were no closer to finding out why I needed that book in a cave.
“So his name was Brody Wells?” Andy asked on the short drive to his home.
“Yeah.” I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it.
“You know all of that happened right here. I remember reading about your crash in school a few years ago.” Andy coaxed me to talk.
“And yet you still drink.” I hissed the words.
“I don’t drive when I drink Shay.” He sighed.
“You still drink.” I hissed.
He slammed on his brakes in the middle of the street and glared at me, “I have my reasons just like you did so don’t criticize me!” he shouted.
“Ok, you’ll end up dead like me!” I shouted back at him.
He started driving again when a car came behind him and honked. We pulled into his driveway and I followed silently to his room. He still looked angry. I sat down on the floor in front of him and looked at my hands.
“Shay I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He said finally speaking.
“It’s ok.” I sighed, “I should go.”
“Shay I didn’t mean that.” He said looking up at me concerned.
“You don’t need me to tell you how to live your life.” I said.
“But I need someone and now I have you. Please don’t go.” A little water fell from his eyes.
It broke my heart to see him cry. I reached up and wiped the tears from his face. Instinctively I cupped his face after taking his tear away.
“Andy, why do you want me to stay?” I asked. Now it felt like my heart was breaking.
“I knew Brody. And you deserve this. Look I know you think I have lost my mind but I’m serious I know there is something in that book that can bring you back to life.” He said. It felt like he knew more.
“Then what?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“What happens after you bring me back to life?” I asked.
“I show you what you’ve been missing out on.” He smiled at me.
“I don’t know what that means.” I said shyly.
“We will do everything you have ever wanted to do.” He smiled, “I’ll take you anywhere.”
I withdrew my hand from his face. He looked at me with his blue eyes. They were begging me to stay too. He grabbed my hand and held it, “You deserve better than Brody.” He smiled.
“I need some time to think.” I said softly then I faded into nothing in front of his eyes.
He gasped and started to cry, “Shay!”
I watched invisibly as he cried over me for hours. I didn’t get it, he knew of me, but he loved me all along? He barely knew who I was and he loved me? Maybe he really had been dreaming of me his whole life if he loved me unconditionally.
It was night and after a long conversation with his mom why he wasn’t eating dinner, he was still in his bed crying over me. I finally made myself visible to him again. I sat there for a few moments before he realized he wasn’t alone anymore. He sat up fast and wiped his face of tears.
“Shay I thought you left for good!” he said excited to see me. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me.
“I said I just needed time to think.” I said softly.
“Your back. That’s all I need.” He replied with a sigh of relief.
He tangled his fingers in mine and pulled me into his bed. He laid there looking at me like I was the holy grail. I reached up and cupped his face in my hand. I couldn’t understand it myself but I felt the need to love him too. We didn’t need to talk. I saw it in his eyes. He needed me, this was my purpose all this time. To wait for him.
“Shay will you sing for me?” he asked out of nowhere.
“I,…. I don’t think I can.” I stumbled over the words.
“Just try.” He said.
“What do you want me to sing?” I asked shyly.
“Your favorite song.” He smiled.
I had to think hard, what was my favorite song? What kind of music did I even like? I begged my brain to work faster. Then I started to hear a tune in my mind. Then all of the sudden words were pouring out, “All along it was a fever, a cold sweat hot headed believer. I threw my hands in the air and said show me some then, you said if you dare come a little closer. Round and round and round and around we go! Ooh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move, makes me feel like I can’t live without you and it takes me all the way. And I want you to stay.” The words pour out of my mouth perfectly.
He looked at me with a look of amazement and passion. I gasped a little and looked away from his face.
“Shay that was amazing.” He said.
“It was nothing really.” I said shyly.
“You’re voice is amazingly beautiful and you glow when you sing.” He smiled.
“I don’t glow.” I sighed.
“Yes you do, you look almost normal when you sing.” He giggled happily as he spoke to me.
I still wasn’t looking at him and it seemed to bother him. He grabbed my face gently by the chin and lifted my face so my eyes looked into his. I felt real, alive, and like I had a pulse. He gasped looking at me.
“What?” I jumped.
When you looked at me your face started to get color in it.” He said.
“That can’t be.” I gasped.
“I just watched it Shay.” He smiled.
I looked at the clock behind him. It was into the early hours of the morning, “You need some rest.” I said.
“I don’t want you to leave me again Shay.” He said. He was desperate.
“I won’t leave you. I’ll stay right here.” I said.
“Shay, thank you.” He said.
“You’re welcome Andy.” I smiled.
His eyes closed slowly and he drifted into his dreams. He pulled me in closer and pulled me into his head. He met me at my grave. He held my hand tightly and we both looked on without a word. Then there was a flash and we were alive and well and he pulled me in and kissed me in the tall grass all around us. It was quiet and peaceful and just beautiful. It was what I thought I had with Brody. Andy’s love was different, it felt real and it gave me life. He made me feel free and loved.
He kept kissing me and when I opened my eyes he was still kissing me. I let him, I felt his lips in mine and the gentle twist of his tongue inside my mouth. I felt my own warmth now like I was living. I put my hand around his neck and pulled him in more. He slid his hand up under my shirt and I could feel it. I felt the tingle of the bumps on my skin. He flipped me to my back and I wrapped my legs around his hips. I put my hand under his shirt I could feel the heat of his skin and he didn’t shiver. I pulled him in and he reached further up my shirt. I let out a gasp in between kisses.
That’s when the door flew open his mom busted into the room and yelled, “Andrew Michael! You should be ashamed, who is that girl?”
“Mom stop yelling.” He said.
She saw me? I gasped again and faded into nothing. His mom’s face went white. She looked back at her son. She stood up straight and grabbed the wall behind her.
“What the hell just happened?” she asked.
“Oh wow this is going to be a long day.” He sighed.
“What’s going on in here?” his mom demanded.
“Mom you might want to sit down.” He said.
“I have to be losing my mind, I could have sworn I just saw you in here with a girl.” She laughed trying to convince herself it didn’t happen.
“Mom that was Shayla.” He said.
“That isn’t funny!” she snapped.
“Mom, she came home.” He sighed.
“She’s dead Andrew. They don’t come back home.” His mom snapped.
“It’s her ghost mom, but she can be real. I found a way to bring her back.” He insisted.
“Andy, you shouldn’t be messing with the ghost of a dead girl. You should put her to rest.” His mom snapped.
“Mom, what do you know?” he asked.
“All I can tell you is she needs to make her own choices Andy. You could get hurt trying to save her.” His mom said.
“I need to know more.” I said.
The woman jumped when she saw me. She gasped and shuttered a little before sitting back in her chair. She looked back at me. The tone in her voice became serious.
“Shayla, you’re still so pretty.” She smiled finally.
“How do you know me?” I asked.
“I used to care for you while you mom worked. And Andy always dreamt about you, even after you pushed him out. You shut us all out.” His mom said sadly.
“You know my mom? How is she?” I begged.
She looked down and tears pour from her eyes, “Your mom passed away from cancer shortly after the accident. I buried her right next to you.”
I felt pain in my chest for the first time in a long time. I had no one left. Even if I could live again I have nothing left of me. The woman sighed. I felt the pain pour out of my eyes and Andy put an arm around me.
“Your mom was a very different kind of woman Shayla. She believed in magical things. On her death bed she told me she had made a bond with her god. If your soul should find its way home and stayed until your birthday she would give you back your life. But you also had to find true love and happiness for the bond to work. That’s what brought you back here. That’s why you feel more alive and you’re getting your memories back. Your happy and in love.” She said.
“You can’t truly believe that?” I questioned her.
“I’ve seen much more unbelievable things being friends with your mom. I believe anything that woman tells me. Even to this day when she comes to me in my dreams I believe what she says and she is always right.” His mom replied.
“Really, you love me?” Andy looked at me with a little smirk.
“I don’t know what love is.” I cried.
“Your mom hid you here to try and save you from Brody. She always knew he would happen to you. She just tried to prolong your life. She loved you dearly Shayla.” His mom cried a little more. She looked happier.
“I have to go!” I said, I felt panic in my chest.
“Don’t go Shay!” Andy said pulling on my hand.
“I don’t know what to think right now I can’t be here.” I said.
“If you need some time lone I can take you into the attic to look through your things. I suppose we need to dig your clothes out.” His mom said, “That way you don’t have to leave, but you can have some peace.”
I looked back at the terrified Andy looking at me. He was shaking, I could feel his hand twitching.
“Thank you! That would be nice.” I replied softly.
She smiled and I followed her up the stairs into the attic. She pointed to a stack of boxes in the corner that had my name on them. She flipped the light switch so I could see my way.
“We will leave you alone. Just come on down when you’re done.” His mom said shoving him towards the door.
“Thank you.” I replied.
All of the sudden there was a lot of attention to me. I was in shock I hadn’t been able to speak to anyone in years and now I had two people who could see me and talk to me and had my old things. I pulled out the first box and took the lid off. Inside I found photos, some awards I had won, and a necklace.
“Shay, I love you babe.” Brody said.
He put the necklace on me and I smiled at him. I turned to hug him and he kissed me. We laid under that big old tree for hours.
The memory stopped playing in my head and I dropped the necklace. He didn’t love me, he left me here to rot. I looked through the pictures of me and my mom. We were so close and happy. Each memory came back to me one by one, filling my head with both pain and love. I started to cry again, I couldn’t stop it from happening. Box after box filled with memories, photos, jewelry, books all filled with my life in them. I found a box full of my poetry and read a few. Oh to feel again. It was so overwhelming.
All I could remember was squeezing his rough hand as the car slammed into the giant truck. I couldn’t see much I was blinded by the headlights and his love. I know I loved him, but I haven’t seen him in so long I forgot his face. His name. He disappeared and I just walk the earth. No one can see me, I know I’m dead. But why didn’t I cross over with him? Did I let go of his hand and lost him? Or did he cross over and leave me? All I have is time because I can’t figure out how to settle my soul. I find I occasionally stumble across another lost soul but they are a rare thing to find. I just wish I could talk to someone, anyone, real. I want to feel that love again, if not him then someone else. I want to feel warmth again. I haven’t been able to see my own reflection in so long I forgot what color my eyes are. The rest of me was pale and white except the little bit of pink left on my fingernails. I’ve roamed from town to town all over looking for my home and any sign of what is keeping me here.
I pushed through walls and listen to the life of the living as I passed through. I pretend I could feel their love, hope, pain, and fear. Oh to feel again, anything to feel again. It’s a sad, lonely life being a ghost. I want to be released to find the man I lost. I can’t though, I don’t know what I’m chasing after. So I hang around and help the living as much as I can. Finding lost things, chasing away dark spirits, anything I can do. If I can’t find my home at least I can feel like I’m doing something as I pass by. I always wonder how people can live so blindly they can’t see me. All they have to do it open their eyes.
Welcome to Madison where the grass is always greener.
The sign coming into to town looked like a nice big city to hide in, man was I wrong. It was almost a ghost town. There couldn’t have been more then24 houses in this town. Something here felt like it was pulling me in, I was being guided here.
It was midnight when I sat down on the front steps of a bright red house trimmed in white. I felt like I knew this place. I heard a noise and when I looked up a found a boy climbing out a second story window. He slipped, without thinking I jumped up to grab him before he fell and broke his leg. I wrapped my arms around him as he fell and found I fell with him. I felt his warm body touch mine as we hit the ground together. I could feel his heartbeat. What was this? He jumped too and turned to face me. He looked just as bewildered as I was to see him looking at me.
“Who are you?” he asked, his voice so sweet and deep. His hair was a long kind of short and dark blonde in color. His eyes flashed blue as they looked at me. His hands were soft in mine and he jumped at my touch a little before helping me to my feet. I knew this face, but how?
“You can see me?” I asked back in shock. I missed the sound of my voice.
“Well, yeah, you are standing right here aren’t you?” he replied.
I gasped at his words, he could hear me too. What the hell was happening to me? I suddenly lost my voice and he looked at me waiting for an answer. I felt like I had a heart beat again and it felt amazing.
“Are you a ghost too?” I finally found my voice.
“Ghost?” he asked weirdly.
“You mean you’re alive?” I asked.
“Yeah, hey are you alright?” he asked me.
“Who are you talking to Andy?” another girl asked as she approached him.
“This,…..” he stopped talking, I had ran since he could see me and watched around the corner of the house as he stood for a moment and walked away after shaking his head.
Someone could really see me? And talk to me? This might be something worth hanging around for. I have wanted this for as long as I could remember. I just hope this is real. I sat back down on the steps and watched the night slip by. Then I remembered my name, I forgot to give it him. But I was still in shock that he had seen me, he felt my body, he heard my voice.
I didn’t need a lot but I did pick up a few things as I passed around from place to place. I kept it all in an old backpack I had found years ago. I pulled out a little toy, it was the last thing I remembered receiving from the love I was after. It felt like minutes had passed but in fact the sun was coming up and the boy who could see me was coming home. I got up off his stairs and walked away.
“Hey, wait!” he yelled.
I stopped and I knew that I shouldn’t have. He caught up with me and placed he gentle hand on my shoulder. I shivered at the touch like I knew it. I turned to face him and the small amount of light in the sky made his eyes shimmer more.
“Hey where did you go?” he asked me.
“Oh, I’m not around for long.” I replied.
“Then why were you still sitting on my steps?” he asked.
“Look, I don’t think I get this right now but I was serious earlier.” I replied dumbly. No one had seen me and been alive before.
“About what? I’m Andy by the way.” He said.
“I’m Shay, I’m a ghost.” I replied sadly.
“Ghosts aren’t real.” he laughed.
“I’m dead, my body died.” I said. I looked away.
He touched my arm now and seemed to jump at the touch, “Why are you so cold? It’s the middle of summer.”
“I told you, I’m dead.” I insisted.
“But how can I see you and talk to you and touch you?” he asked me.
“I don’t know, it’s never happened to me.”
I stood in the street and he stood on the curb looking at me. A kid on a bike delivering papers sped by on his bike and went right through me. Andy jumped back in fear. I pulled some of my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“But,…..” he couldn’t finish is words.
I turned and started walking away again. This kid was going to lose his mind because of me. He turned to me and looked sadly as I walked away.
“Wait.” He stopped me again.
“Yeah?” I asked turning around.
“Hang around, let me see if I can help you find your place.” He smiled sweetly at me.
I thought about it, I really could get used to a life of someone who could hear me. But he was only human too and if I got too attached I would kill him too. I killed them all, wait, I remembered something.
********************************
The air was warm and smelled of fresh flowers. Summer was in full swing. I would have followed him anywhere and I did. I ran out the door towards his car with my mom yelling at me all the way. I remembered feeling the tears burning in my eyes. I slammed the door to his bright red mussel car with my anger. I kissed him making sure mom was watching me. I knew it pissed her off when I did this to her. I could still hear her call my name, Shayla Marie Saunders get back here now! She thought my name would stop me. It didn’t.
He turned the music up and sped off into the small town with me by his side. We parked and watched clouds in the park for a while. It was a small town so there weren’t many places to hide. He could always find a place to hide me. We met up with a group of friends at a party later that night. I clung to his side like a magnet. He loved it. The more beers he had the more he wanted me and the more I thought about giving him all I had. He kissed me with such passion I would have believed anything that came out of his lips.
Then my mom showed up. We all took off running for our cars, it was well after midnight and she was pissed off more than she was in afternoon. We made it to his car and sped off before she could pull me from the car. She screamed for me to stop as the car swerved all over the road.
That was the big mistake. That last thing I did was flip my mother the bird with a wicked smile before the accident. He was too drunk to be driving, damn what was his name? I grabbed for his hand and he squeezed my hand back.
“I love you Shay.” He whispered.
The headlights flew at us and I screamed. The last thing I felt was his hand and I squeezed it. Then I woke up in a cemetery in front of my head stone. I looked at my mom as she cried day after day over my grave. I tried to scream at her, to talk to her, to touch her, and nothing worked. I tried for months to get her attention and when I finally stumbled upon the first lost soul I encountered he told me that I was dead and no one but the dead could see me anymore.
I denied it for a few months pretending to be alive, trying to live. Then one day it hit me that I couldn’t remember how to. So I started to wonder. I walked and walked. I stopped and helped once and that was how I remembered how to live. Giving my help when I could as I was around. Then I remembered him. Well, kind of, and turned for home. Why wasn’t he with me? He said he loved me and he had disappeared. I searched all over for him, any little thing that I might remember. Just something. The more eternity goes on though the more I realized I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I wanted peace and rest. I pushed to keep walking though. Through walls and along the streets, wherever I wanted to go I could.
In the south I discovered people who claimed they could talk to the dead. That was the biggest lie I had ever heard. I screamed and yelled trying to get any one of them to hear my words and no one could. I stopped at every one I could find. I still do from time to time if my mood is feeling it. Just to see if someone else could hear me or see me.
There are perks to being alone, you can sing as loud as you want and no one can hear you. Occasionally I would move things to freak people out and no one could hear me laugh. No one could see me dance like a fool or tell me I was dressing too skimpy.
Then I met Candi. She was a sweet little girl who could see me. She listened to me and I calmed her fears of the dark. But as the months rolled by, she pushed me away. She said kids made fun of her for talking to herself because no one else could see me. So again I was alone and wondering around. That’s when I started carrying the backpack around. No one can see it if I touch it or hold it. So I started collecting things.
From up until now I was just looking for a place I could find my peace and now I was faced with Andy. A sweet 17 year old boy who could see me and wanted to talk to me. He didn’t know me but felt compelled to. It was real and the most real thing I had ever remembered feeling.
“Come on, no one can see you so you can stay with me.” He smiled.
I took his hand and followed him shyly to his room. He climbed the wall from outside and I took the stairs. I met him in his room and sat down on his bed. He smiled at me like he had never seen a girl before.
“So Shay, what brings you here?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just looking for rest.” I said stupidly.
“Well lay down and let’s rest. Wait, do ghost sleep?” he asked.
“We can but we don’t need to.” I replied.
“Well then let’s get some rest.” He smiled at me handsomely. He laid down around me and I laid down facing him. Clearly he was drunk from the smell of his breath and the dizziness of his eyes. I got the strange feeling he knew me better then I knew myself. “Why are you so pretty for a ghost?” he asked.
“Thanks, I guess.” I smiled.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” he asked. Suddenly he had the fear of a child on his face.
“If you want me too. If you can’t see me just say my name and I will appear.” I promised.
“Shay I feel the need to help you and I don’t know why.” He smiled at me.
“Get some sleep, you’re really drunk.” I smiled back at him.
His eyes closed and he finally let his mind shut down. I laid there and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful and happy in his dreaming state. Andy reached over and pulled me into his chest. It was a warm, I missed being warm. He shivered a little and held on to me tighter like he could warm me up. I closed my eyes and tried to remember how to dream. It wasn’t working though, so I just laid there and let Andy hold me. It was nice and inviting. I felt a sudden need to close my eyes and I did.
I found myself running wildly with Andy. He held my hand, without shivering, and laughed with me. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my pale skin. I was breathing and felt alive. Was this what dreaming was? Was this his dream I was watching? Did he want me? There was a sudden noise and he jumped to attention as the door to his room flew open. I watched invisibly from my place on the bed.
A slim woman with the same blue eyes that shimmered like it had flakes of silver in it. Her face was stern and Andy rolled over and onto the floor. He hit the floor with a huge thump.
“Andrew Michael!” she screamed with rage.
“What mom?” he asked as he picked himself up from the floor.
“You get your butt out of bed and clean all the mud off of my house and then you can scrub it out of the carpet. And don’t even think about leaving again for the next month!” she demanded.
“Ok, give me a minute to get up.” He whined.
“Fine! I’ll be back and you had better be ready or I will call your father.” Her tone was low and serious.
She turned and slammed the door behind her. Andy sat on the floor for a moment and collected his memories of the night before. He jumped and seemed to remember something. He looked at his bed in shock that it looked empty.
“Shay?” he whispered.
I let myself show to him. He smiled in relief when he saw me. He slipped his muddy shoes back on and walked to the door. He stopped and looked back at me, “I’ll be right back.” He whispered.
I nodded in agreement. When the door shut behind him I sat up and looked around his room. There were pictures everywhere of him and two other boys. Halloween pictures and football pictures and family pictures. He had dance pictures hanging on the wall. The girl was a pretty little blonde and he looked good with her. I felt a smile cross my face looking at his memories.
I hadn’t lived long enough to make it to a dance, not that I would have gone. I only made it to 16 before the accident. I never should have got in that pretty little car. But I thought I was in love, so I followed him, and he left me behind. I felt something deep in my chest. It hurt so bad thinking about him leaving me behind. Who was he? I felt something run down my face. I found tears when I wiped my face, I was feeling something. I hadn’t done that since I was alive.
“Are you ok?” Andy asked rushing to my side.
“I’m fine.” I wiped my face of tears and tried to force a smile.
“Shay you were crying.” He gasped, “I didn’t know you could.”
“I didn’t remember that I could.” I shivered out the words.
He was covered in muddy water from scrubbing the house outside. His mother pushed her way in with a bucket of soapy water and sat it on the floor.
“Now scrub my carpet.” She demanded pointing to his room where he had climbed in.
“Ok.” He sighed.
She left in a thunderous stomp and he moved to the floor and started scrubbing. He peaked back up at me.
“So why were you crying?” he asked.
“I can’t remember his name.” I let the words spill out.
“Ok, well then let’s start somewhere else, where are you from?” he asked.
“The middle of nowhere.” I laughed, “Oh wow somewhere in Iowa. I can’t remember the name of the town.”
“You’re not too far from home then.” He smiled at me, “You could always find a new home.”
“As nice as that sounds its boring when you don’t have anyone to talk to.” I fumble over my words.
“I can talk to you. Why not stay here?” he asked.
“Andy, you will get locked up talking to me all the time. Everyone will think you’re crazy.” I laughed.
“They already do.” He laughed with me.
“If you want me to hang out I will. But eventually I will have to leave.” I let out a sigh.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why do you want me to stay?” I asked back.
He stopped what he was doing and sat up to look at me. His blue eyes looked at me and I felt a warmth from inside my body, “Look I know this sounds crazy, but I have dreamt about you since I was little. I really want you to stay and help me figure out what it means now that I know you.”
“What?” I asked in shock.
“I dream about your accident and in my dreams I save you. Then you become real.” he said trailing off at the end.
“You can’t make me real I’m dead.” I said. I wasn’t worried he couldn’t hurt me.
“I don’t think you are though. There is something else in you and I think we can find you.” He insisted.
Damn those blue eyes, they sucked me in with his handsome face. He had to be crazy, you can’t bring the dead back to life. He didn’t believe I was dead. I couldn’t stop the laugh from coming out of my mouth. The door flew open again and his mom stomped in.
“Who are you talking to?” she asked.
Her eyes passed over me time and time again looking for someone. She couldn’t see me.
“Myself.” He snapped at her.
“Watch your tone Andrew.” She snapped back and stomped out.
He cringed at the sound of the door slamming yet again. He looked back to his bed and looked sad for a moment. I felt translucent and brought my color back into being. A smile crossed his face and he looked relieved to see me.
“She’s really mad at you. Maybe you should stop sneaking out.” I smiled as I teased him.
“Yeah, but then where would I have fun at?” he smiled back at me.
“I don’t think that drinking is a good use of your life though.” I said.
“I have heard that a few times before.” He laughed.
“I’m not joking Andy.” I was serious, drinking killed me.
“It’s not like I go around driving drunk.” He said before he could stop himself.
“Maybe I should go.” I said feeling a little more pain in my chest.
“Please wait I didn’t mean it.” He begged.
“Andy you know that’s how I died.” I said looking down.
I felt the water in my eyes again. He got up from the floor and sat next to me. He wrapped a warm arm around me and pulled me into him. I shivered being so close to him. But he felt almost familiar to my body, like it knew his touch. I sank right in and took in the heat.
“I never meant to upset you.” He smiled at me.
“I’m fine.” I wiped my face.
“Look please hang around here. Let’s try to follow my dream and see where it leads us.” He suggested.
If I stayed I would have to watch him and play along like he could save me. If I leave I will never know why and I really haven’t got anything else to do. I didn’t want to hurt him though.
“Andy, look,…” he cut me off.
“Please say you’ll stay. I’ve dreamed of this for a long time and I would hate to lose you already.” He begged.
“Andy please, I don’t want to hurt you.” My feelings were clear on my face to him. I could see my reflection in his eyes.
“You won’t hurt me. I know it.” He persisted.
I let out a deep sigh and felt the air in my lungs. I hadn’t done that in a long time. Was he really the key to getting my life back? Had anyone else been able to be given life back? He was eagerly waiting for me to talk to him.
“Fine. I’ll stay.” I said.
“Thank you!” he sighed.
He got back to scrubbing the carpet before his mom came back in and yelled some more. She was frightening. She reminded me of my mom. She cared about him. Finally she was done with him and he disappeared into the house. When he returned he was cleaned up and ready to talk. He turned on the stereo softly to cover his voice since he was grounded. He sat on the floor in front of me and looked up.
“So what do you remember?” he asked.
“Being a kid.” I smiled.
“So what really happened?” he pushed.
“Can we talk about you? I’m not so sure I know what really happened to me.” I sighed.
“Sure, what do you want to know?” he asked.
“Have you always lived here?” I asked.
“Yeah, I have. Mom and dad and no siblings. So I get a lot of attention.” He sighed.
“You have a lot of friends?” I asked.
“Define a lot.” He replied.
“Are you the popular jock kid?” I asked again.
“Kind of. This is a small town everyone knows everyone here.” He said.
“So you like music?” I asked.
“Yeah, there isn’t a lot to do here. I have a small garage band with my friends. We don’t really play a lot though.” He smiled.
“I would love to hear it sometime.” I smiled.
“Ok we can go to my next practice together.” He smiled.
“Oh yeah, I’d like that.” I said.
“What do you like to do Shay?” he asked me.
“I don’t know, I haven’t thought about that in a long time.” I said.
“What did you like to do?” he pushed on.
“I always sing even though I’m not really good at it. I can remember painting. Oh and I used to keep tons of notebooks full of poetry.” I smiled remembering something.
He was smiling at me and listening intently, “Do you remember any of your poems?”
“Um maybe,” I took a moment to think about the notebooks. What was in them? The words were blurry but then it came in to view and spilled out of my mouth, “One day something’s got to give. One day I will learn to live. Face me and I will show you light, as we walk together through the night. Frozen together, I have you for my own.”
I looked down at him from the bed and he was hanging on every word. I could almost hear his heart beating.
“That was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.” He said softly.
“Thank you.” I blushed.
“Shay?” he asked me.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“What do you think all my dreams mean?” he asked.
“That you read into your dreams too much.” I replied.
“But it’s been you every time.” He insisted.
“You can’t really have dreamt of me all your life.” I replied.
“I have. You are literally the girl of my dreams.” He insisted.
“So what else happens in these dreams you have?” I asked.
“Well the one I have the most we are together and we are hiking. We come across a cave and inside we found a book with your name on it. Shayla Saunders right?” he asked.
“Yeah, what book?” I asked almost in shock.
“The book of angels.” He smiled at me.
“You think I’m an angel?” I gasped.
“I don’t know but there was more than that. I had deeper feelings in my heart.” He said looking away shyly.
I tried to remember more. Was I really and angel sent for him to love? Is this what I have been searching for all along? This couldn’t be true, I remembered the pain of dying. I stared to remember my mom. Her long hair and beautiful face. The way her brown eyes always begged me not to go out with my friends. She would always tell me, “You’re too good for that boy.” My heart was longing for him though. It was defiance that keep me clung to that kid.
My mom had a nickname for me, what was it? I pushed my brain hard for answers of my past. She used to call me…… little angel. That was it she used to call me her angel. Wait, was he right? Am I an angel and not a ghost? I was told for as long as I could remember I was a ghost.
“Shay? Hello?” Andy was talking to me.
“Sorry, I remembered something.” I gasped.
“What?” he asked eagerly.
“My mom used to call me her little angel.” I replied. Water on the verge of falling from my eyes like a waterfall
“See I knew it! You were meant to come here and I was meant to give you life.” He smiled at me.
“Andy I don’t think so. It seems too unreal to be true.” I said looking down at my boots.
“Shay you’re so pretty in real life.” He gazed at me.
“Andy, I think you have lost your mind.” I replied.
“Since it’s summer, in a few days when my mom is sick of me we will go to the library and dig through records and see if you can find a place to start.” He smiled.
“Thank you. Andy I will follow you since you asked me too. But I don’t think you can bring me back to life.” I smiled softly.
“Ok, I’m glad you’ll follow me.” He smiled.
We talked for hours and I did almost feel human again. He made me smile and we both jumped a few times when his mom burst in to see if he was still in his room.
“Your unusually obedient today Andrew.” She finally said.
“I’m just tired mom.” He replied to her.
She shrugged and left again. Andy didn’t even go to dinner, he was so busy talking to me about my life. He told me more about his band and his friends and that girl from last night.
“Do you like her?” I asked him. Wait was that jealousy I felt.
“No, she likes me a lot though.” He smiled at me, “I like you.”
“You don’t know me and I’m a ghost.” I replied.
“You’re an angel and I’m getting to know you now. From all the dreams I feel like I know you already. You make me feel safe in here.” He said shyly.
“That’s sweet Andy, but I don’t think it will work out.” I laughed.
“You will change your mind once we find that book.” He insisted.
We laid down in his bed and looked at each other again. He pulled me into his chest and smiled. He pulled the blankets up around me and made me feel warm. Andy looked happy to do it and determined to help me. He reached his hand up and brushed the hair from my face. As he touched me, I shivered at his fingertips gracing my face. He laughed at me.
“Andy you know this sounds crazy right?” I asked him.
“I know, but I know there has to be something about you. And in my heart I know I can bring you back to life.” He smiled.
“Get some sleep.” I smiled at him.
And he gazed into my eyes until his closed out of need. My eyes felt heavy too and I fell into his dreams again. Andy was pulling my hand along as we raced up a dirt pathway on the side of a giant, tree covered hill.
“Come on Shay!” he said as he pulled me along. He was right we did come up on a cave. It pulled us into its darkness, like it knew what we were there for. There was an alter with a huge thick book across it. I opened it up. Inside, it flips the dusty pages right to a chapter in the book titled Shayla Saunders. There was nothing I could make out, the ink looked like it was smeared.
“See Shay! It says right here how to save you. I can make you real.” He smiled. Then he pulled me in and kissed me. To my surprise I kissed him back, like I had done it a million times before. I felt the rush that he felt in his dreams. It felt so real and warm. I could almost taste his lips.
“I love you Shay.” He whispered.
It made me jump. I sat up fast gasping for air. Andy was still sleeping and hadn’t moved at all. What was this craziness in my head? Was I letting him get to my thoughts? I lay back down and closed my eyes again.
“Were did you go Shay?” Andy asked when I met him in his dream.
“Andy, where are we?” I asked looking around.
There was nothing but night around us. Trees were tall and a small opening gave moonlight to his handsome face.
“This is where we jump. When we wake up you will be alive and I will be yours.” He smiled at me. It made no sense.
“Andy? Why did you kiss me?” I asked him.
“Because it felt right. I’ve had the urge to kiss you since the night you sat on my steps.” He smiled back at me.
This was the future, he knew it. He had been waiting a long time for me to come around. I tangled my fingers in his and he put his other hand’s soft fingers on my cheek. His eyes looked at me in amazement. I could almost feel the tingle of life racing through me. This time we both sat up fast. We looked at each other, chests heaving in panic.
“Was that real?” I asked, “It can’t be, once you die you can’t come back.”
“Maybe you’re a different kind of ghost. Or maybe you are an angel.” He smiled at me. He was still gasping for air. I felt like he knew more than I did.
“I don’t think I should stay here. I think that is just a really great dream. And how do I know that you have seen me for years? And how do you know you want me?” the words just fell out and hit the ground. It almost made a sound.
“Shay! Calm down! It will work, it has to. Look I never believed this stuff would happen either. But then you showed up. I’m taking that as a sign of this being real.” Andy proclaimed.
“Why did you wake up?” I asked him.
“I have never seen that part before.” He admitted.
“What was happening?” I asked him.
“You were becoming human again. Your face had color to it and you were a normal temperature not just cold.” He teased me.
I gasped hearing him say it. That had to be just a dream. I needed the adventure anyways, what else was I doing? But I hated knowing that he was going to get hurt when it didn’t happen. He took my hand in his and held it. He pulled me back down with him and closed his eyes again. He held me tight. Like he loved me. I let it soak in but the fear was in the back of my mind.
You can’t get attached Shay. It will kill him chasing this down. You need to get a grip and get out of there. Do you hear me?
I hate it when my mind talks back to me. My soul longed for the need to know. Was I doing something right and being given the chance to try again? That couldn’t be, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. Or had I? I couldn’t remember. He squeezed me tighter in his sleep. He pulled me back into his dream and he was holding my hand again. I could see myself looking alive. It was surreal. I could feel the touch of his hand in mine. I felt the press of his lips to mine when he leaned in for a kiss.
“Shay?” I heard a whisper.
My eyes jetted open and I felt my being appear. Andy was to my right. He was looking back at me with a smile and bright eyes.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“How was your dream?” he giggled.
“It was amazing to do it again.” I admitted.
“See becoming more normal by the day.” He smiled endlessly.
I smiled back at him to appease him. I hope I don’t destroy him when he can’t bring me back to life. He disappeared into the house for a while and finally came back to grab a bag.
“Come on, I got my car back and I can go to the library and back.” He winked.
I got up and followed him. No need to use the doors but I did sit next to him in the car to make him feel better. I followed him into the old, dilapidated, building that was the public library. I felt like I knew this place once. I followed him to the very back corner where the computers where hidden. He sat down and tapped furiously on the keyboard. He clicked his mouse, reading into everything he could find on me.
I read what happened to me. I remembered most of it. Now I had a name though. I knew who he was no and his face was suddenly all over my memories as they flooded back to me. I started to cry looking over all this stuff about me. However we were no closer to finding out why I needed that book in a cave.
“So his name was Brody Wells?” Andy asked on the short drive to his home.
“Yeah.” I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it.
“You know all of that happened right here. I remember reading about your crash in school a few years ago.” Andy coaxed me to talk.
“And yet you still drink.” I hissed the words.
“I don’t drive when I drink Shay.” He sighed.
“You still drink.” I hissed.
He slammed on his brakes in the middle of the street and glared at me, “I have my reasons just like you did so don’t criticize me!” he shouted.
“Ok, you’ll end up dead like me!” I shouted back at him.
He started driving again when a car came behind him and honked. We pulled into his driveway and I followed silently to his room. He still looked angry. I sat down on the floor in front of him and looked at my hands.
“Shay I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He said finally speaking.
“It’s ok.” I sighed, “I should go.”
“Shay I didn’t mean that.” He said looking up at me concerned.
“You don’t need me to tell you how to live your life.” I said.
“But I need someone and now I have you. Please don’t go.” A little water fell from his eyes.
It broke my heart to see him cry. I reached up and wiped the tears from his face. Instinctively I cupped his face after taking his tear away.
“Andy, why do you want me to stay?” I asked. Now it felt like my heart was breaking.
“I knew Brody. And you deserve this. Look I know you think I have lost my mind but I’m serious I know there is something in that book that can bring you back to life.” He said. It felt like he knew more.
“Then what?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“What happens after you bring me back to life?” I asked.
“I show you what you’ve been missing out on.” He smiled at me.
“I don’t know what that means.” I said shyly.
“We will do everything you have ever wanted to do.” He smiled, “I’ll take you anywhere.”
I withdrew my hand from his face. He looked at me with his blue eyes. They were begging me to stay too. He grabbed my hand and held it, “You deserve better than Brody.” He smiled.
“I need some time to think.” I said softly then I faded into nothing in front of his eyes.
He gasped and started to cry, “Shay!”
I watched invisibly as he cried over me for hours. I didn’t get it, he knew of me, but he loved me all along? He barely knew who I was and he loved me? Maybe he really had been dreaming of me his whole life if he loved me unconditionally.
It was night and after a long conversation with his mom why he wasn’t eating dinner, he was still in his bed crying over me. I finally made myself visible to him again. I sat there for a few moments before he realized he wasn’t alone anymore. He sat up fast and wiped his face of tears.
“Shay I thought you left for good!” he said excited to see me. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me.
“I said I just needed time to think.” I said softly.
“Your back. That’s all I need.” He replied with a sigh of relief.
He tangled his fingers in mine and pulled me into his bed. He laid there looking at me like I was the holy grail. I reached up and cupped his face in my hand. I couldn’t understand it myself but I felt the need to love him too. We didn’t need to talk. I saw it in his eyes. He needed me, this was my purpose all this time. To wait for him.
“Shay will you sing for me?” he asked out of nowhere.
“I,…. I don’t think I can.” I stumbled over the words.
“Just try.” He said.
“What do you want me to sing?” I asked shyly.
“Your favorite song.” He smiled.
I had to think hard, what was my favorite song? What kind of music did I even like? I begged my brain to work faster. Then I started to hear a tune in my mind. Then all of the sudden words were pouring out, “All along it was a fever, a cold sweat hot headed believer. I threw my hands in the air and said show me some then, you said if you dare come a little closer. Round and round and round and around we go! Ooh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move, makes me feel like I can’t live without you and it takes me all the way. And I want you to stay.” The words pour out of my mouth perfectly.
He looked at me with a look of amazement and passion. I gasped a little and looked away from his face.
“Shay that was amazing.” He said.
“It was nothing really.” I said shyly.
“You’re voice is amazingly beautiful and you glow when you sing.” He smiled.
“I don’t glow.” I sighed.
“Yes you do, you look almost normal when you sing.” He giggled happily as he spoke to me.
I still wasn’t looking at him and it seemed to bother him. He grabbed my face gently by the chin and lifted my face so my eyes looked into his. I felt real, alive, and like I had a pulse. He gasped looking at me.
“What?” I jumped.
When you looked at me your face started to get color in it.” He said.
“That can’t be.” I gasped.
“I just watched it Shay.” He smiled.
I looked at the clock behind him. It was into the early hours of the morning, “You need some rest.” I said.
“I don’t want you to leave me again Shay.” He said. He was desperate.
“I won’t leave you. I’ll stay right here.” I said.
“Shay, thank you.” He said.
“You’re welcome Andy.” I smiled.
His eyes closed slowly and he drifted into his dreams. He pulled me in closer and pulled me into his head. He met me at my grave. He held my hand tightly and we both looked on without a word. Then there was a flash and we were alive and well and he pulled me in and kissed me in the tall grass all around us. It was quiet and peaceful and just beautiful. It was what I thought I had with Brody. Andy’s love was different, it felt real and it gave me life. He made me feel free and loved.
He kept kissing me and when I opened my eyes he was still kissing me. I let him, I felt his lips in mine and the gentle twist of his tongue inside my mouth. I felt my own warmth now like I was living. I put my hand around his neck and pulled him in more. He slid his hand up under my shirt and I could feel it. I felt the tingle of the bumps on my skin. He flipped me to my back and I wrapped my legs around his hips. I put my hand under his shirt I could feel the heat of his skin and he didn’t shiver. I pulled him in and he reached further up my shirt. I let out a gasp in between kisses.
That’s when the door flew open his mom busted into the room and yelled, “Andrew Michael! You should be ashamed, who is that girl?”
“Mom stop yelling.” He said.
She saw me? I gasped again and faded into nothing. His mom’s face went white. She looked back at her son. She stood up straight and grabbed the wall behind her.
“What the hell just happened?” she asked.
“Oh wow this is going to be a long day.” He sighed.
“What’s going on in here?” his mom demanded.
“Mom you might want to sit down.” He said.
“I have to be losing my mind, I could have sworn I just saw you in here with a girl.” She laughed trying to convince herself it didn’t happen.
“Mom that was Shayla.” He said.
“That isn’t funny!” she snapped.
“Mom, she came home.” He sighed.
“She’s dead Andrew. They don’t come back home.” His mom snapped.
“It’s her ghost mom, but she can be real. I found a way to bring her back.” He insisted.
“Andy, you shouldn’t be messing with the ghost of a dead girl. You should put her to rest.” His mom snapped.
“Mom, what do you know?” he asked.
“All I can tell you is she needs to make her own choices Andy. You could get hurt trying to save her.” His mom said.
“I need to know more.” I said.
The woman jumped when she saw me. She gasped and shuttered a little before sitting back in her chair. She looked back at me. The tone in her voice became serious.
“Shayla, you’re still so pretty.” She smiled finally.
“How do you know me?” I asked.
“I used to care for you while you mom worked. And Andy always dreamt about you, even after you pushed him out. You shut us all out.” His mom said sadly.
“You know my mom? How is she?” I begged.
She looked down and tears pour from her eyes, “Your mom passed away from cancer shortly after the accident. I buried her right next to you.”
I felt pain in my chest for the first time in a long time. I had no one left. Even if I could live again I have nothing left of me. The woman sighed. I felt the pain pour out of my eyes and Andy put an arm around me.
“Your mom was a very different kind of woman Shayla. She believed in magical things. On her death bed she told me she had made a bond with her god. If your soul should find its way home and stayed until your birthday she would give you back your life. But you also had to find true love and happiness for the bond to work. That’s what brought you back here. That’s why you feel more alive and you’re getting your memories back. Your happy and in love.” She said.
“You can’t truly believe that?” I questioned her.
“I’ve seen much more unbelievable things being friends with your mom. I believe anything that woman tells me. Even to this day when she comes to me in my dreams I believe what she says and she is always right.” His mom replied.
“Really, you love me?” Andy looked at me with a little smirk.
“I don’t know what love is.” I cried.
“Your mom hid you here to try and save you from Brody. She always knew he would happen to you. She just tried to prolong your life. She loved you dearly Shayla.” His mom cried a little more. She looked happier.
“I have to go!” I said, I felt panic in my chest.
“Don’t go Shay!” Andy said pulling on my hand.
“I don’t know what to think right now I can’t be here.” I said.
“If you need some time lone I can take you into the attic to look through your things. I suppose we need to dig your clothes out.” His mom said, “That way you don’t have to leave, but you can have some peace.”
I looked back at the terrified Andy looking at me. He was shaking, I could feel his hand twitching.
“Thank you! That would be nice.” I replied softly.
She smiled and I followed her up the stairs into the attic. She pointed to a stack of boxes in the corner that had my name on them. She flipped the light switch so I could see my way.
“We will leave you alone. Just come on down when you’re done.” His mom said shoving him towards the door.
“Thank you.” I replied.
All of the sudden there was a lot of attention to me. I was in shock I hadn’t been able to speak to anyone in years and now I had two people who could see me and talk to me and had my old things. I pulled out the first box and took the lid off. Inside I found photos, some awards I had won, and a necklace.
“Shay, I love you babe.” Brody said.
He put the necklace on me and I smiled at him. I turned to hug him and he kissed me. We laid under that big old tree for hours.
The memory stopped playing in my head and I dropped the necklace. He didn’t love me, he left me here to rot. I looked through the pictures of me and my mom. We were so close and happy. Each memory came back to me one by one, filling my head with both pain and love. I started to cry again, I couldn’t stop it from happening. Box after box filled with memories, photos, jewelry, books all filled with my life in them. I found a box full of my poetry and read a few. Oh to feel again. It was so overwhelming.
June 23, 2014
Count me in
Here we are. The final countdown to the release of the second book in The Vilincia Coven series. I have put a lot of heart and soul, with love into my work. I am most proud of this work and please just know there are more book in this series to come. This has by far been my favorite adventure in life. Writing is my life, love, and career.
It’s my followers, fans, and everyone who has been here with me the whole time, that pushes me to do better with my writing. I keep writing daily for that reason. I have people who want to read what I have to say and I have never felt more alive because of that. I’m compelled to take my work to the next level to keep you all interested and into my work. It’s what I love to do. I want to write to entertain, inspire, push, and compel everyone who takes the time to read my work and from what I have seen in my reviews, I am doing that!
As I welcome The Attested into my collection of work, all I can think about is how I would never feel this, or live this, if a facebook fan wouldn’t have suggested that I start a blog. Now I am so thankful I listened. Thanks you all again, I thank you all the time. But I wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t go any further if I didn’t have all my followers, fans, and all the people that make up my family! Thank you and thanks for all the support of my art!
It’s my followers, fans, and everyone who has been here with me the whole time, that pushes me to do better with my writing. I keep writing daily for that reason. I have people who want to read what I have to say and I have never felt more alive because of that. I’m compelled to take my work to the next level to keep you all interested and into my work. It’s what I love to do. I want to write to entertain, inspire, push, and compel everyone who takes the time to read my work and from what I have seen in my reviews, I am doing that!
As I welcome The Attested into my collection of work, all I can think about is how I would never feel this, or live this, if a facebook fan wouldn’t have suggested that I start a blog. Now I am so thankful I listened. Thanks you all again, I thank you all the time. But I wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t go any further if I didn’t have all my followers, fans, and all the people that make up my family! Thank you and thanks for all the support of my art!
June 9, 2014
What about Monday?
Where has Monday gone? My whole day was busy and it seemed to disappear. Although the feeling of accomplishment is great, I feel like my writing is lacking. I try to write daily but let’s face it I just can’t! With three younger girls and a husband that might as well be a kid my life is booked a year in advanced! Or that’s how I feel!
So it’s getting better by the day! I had a request to review my book! I feel like biting my nails! Is this the start of something bigger? I truly hope so. This is what I dreamed of! I wrote a story that people want to read! How freaking cool is that? I knew I had it in me! Now I just need to get more into finding a publisher or literary agent! I have to say query letters are by far my new least favorite part. It is really hard to get the right words and getting someone into your book when that is all they do, read submissions all day. I want to make mine stand out and speak volumes about me but I fry my brain all the time putting the letters together! Oh the joys of being a writer, at least I’m making progress. That is all that should really matter, in time I’ll find the agent or publisher I’ve been looking for.
I’m still waiting on Harlequin teen which is where I last sent a manuscript, I hope I can get the whole series in book stores soon! Oh this is just so cool, I can do something worth talking about!
Thank you to all my followers! This is all for you and because of you! You give me hope when I need it the most!
So it’s getting better by the day! I had a request to review my book! I feel like biting my nails! Is this the start of something bigger? I truly hope so. This is what I dreamed of! I wrote a story that people want to read! How freaking cool is that? I knew I had it in me! Now I just need to get more into finding a publisher or literary agent! I have to say query letters are by far my new least favorite part. It is really hard to get the right words and getting someone into your book when that is all they do, read submissions all day. I want to make mine stand out and speak volumes about me but I fry my brain all the time putting the letters together! Oh the joys of being a writer, at least I’m making progress. That is all that should really matter, in time I’ll find the agent or publisher I’ve been looking for.
I’m still waiting on Harlequin teen which is where I last sent a manuscript, I hope I can get the whole series in book stores soon! Oh this is just so cool, I can do something worth talking about!
Thank you to all my followers! This is all for you and because of you! You give me hope when I need it the most!
May 26, 2014
Memorial Day
So I only know one veteran, My Dad. He didn’t fight in any wars or get his leg shot off in battle, none of that. He was in the Navy for 4 years. He told us some great stories from when he was stationed on the Florida Keys. My dad is my hero though. I never knew or even had a chance to meet either of my grandfathers and although I know they were in the armed forces one way or another. I don’t have enough of anything on them! I know everything there is to know about my dad’s past and I think that makes him the greatest person ever!(Sorry mom) I am very thankful for his service and very happy that he is still here with me today!
The battles my dad fought were much more serious anyways. Raising 2 girl as crazy as me and my sister must have been hard! I mean come on, I can’t even talk to her without her being pushy and bossy and demanding her way or else because she’s older. Even to this day. And some of our fights were more epic then WW2 I can promise you that. And I just hope that in reading this, not that he does, that anyone can tell my daddy deserves to be remembered and thanked for all he’s done for his country and his family!
Thank you all for following my blog today. I know I get really sappy! Have a happy and wonderful memorial day!
The battles my dad fought were much more serious anyways. Raising 2 girl as crazy as me and my sister must have been hard! I mean come on, I can’t even talk to her without her being pushy and bossy and demanding her way or else because she’s older. Even to this day. And some of our fights were more epic then WW2 I can promise you that. And I just hope that in reading this, not that he does, that anyone can tell my daddy deserves to be remembered and thanked for all he’s done for his country and his family!
Thank you all for following my blog today. I know I get really sappy! Have a happy and wonderful memorial day!
May 23, 2014
Look at me
So here we go. I know my blog is a little off this week but I've been saving up for this day! I have a preview of book 2, The Attested, up and ready for you all to look into! I am still working on the editing of this book and if you follow me, you know what a process this has been for me! I am so happy to spread this love today. So to keep it short and sweet:
https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...
Enjoy! I love all of my friends and followers on here too!
https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1...
Enjoy! I love all of my friends and followers on here too!
May 19, 2014
Worst Idea Ever
Happy Monday to all my followers! I’ve missed you so much! Talk about a bad idea. While I did make it through the rest of The Iron Traitor and Bright Young Things, My oldest has strep throat, so I babies her. We took her to the hospital and they gave her a shot but the poor thing is still in bed sicker then a dog. Speaking of dogs, my sweet little dog ran away before I got up this morning because someone (a nameless husband!) left the door open and my puppy is a runner. Thankfully after two hours of running wild he came home.
Now you can note the new link for books I’ve read and my opinions of them. My read-a-thon didn’t go as well as I thought I would. I pushed to finish my reading and I still have one book to read. But I do have a lot of free time as of lately so I might read it this week and report on it when I’m done.But for it’s back to work on my books and getting them ready for release.I feel really refreshed and focused.
I did spend all day Saturday cuddled up to my hubby for our 3rd wedding anniversary! He made dinner and dealt with sicky Mc sickerton so I could have a break. Then we watched a movie on the couch then the kids went to bed! A perfect night if you ask me but, I am old and boring! I love my life that way and wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so happy this weekend is over though and Monday is showing promising signs of the week getting better by the day. Thank you all for the break! I needed it! Now tell me all about your weekend! I miss you all and I want to know what you did!
Now you can note the new link for books I’ve read and my opinions of them. My read-a-thon didn’t go as well as I thought I would. I pushed to finish my reading and I still have one book to read. But I do have a lot of free time as of lately so I might read it this week and report on it when I’m done.But for it’s back to work on my books and getting them ready for release.I feel really refreshed and focused.
I did spend all day Saturday cuddled up to my hubby for our 3rd wedding anniversary! He made dinner and dealt with sicky Mc sickerton so I could have a break. Then we watched a movie on the couch then the kids went to bed! A perfect night if you ask me but, I am old and boring! I love my life that way and wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so happy this weekend is over though and Monday is showing promising signs of the week getting better by the day. Thank you all for the break! I needed it! Now tell me all about your weekend! I miss you all and I want to know what you did!
May 15, 2014
Falling Deeper
Something I’ve often thought about, would you give a playlist with a book. As you know I use music for inspiration above any other method. I’ve wanted to find a way to include the songs that inspired me to write with my books. Or even a suggested listening list in the back of the book! Is that even possible? I always use music, even when I’m reading something that isn’t mine I have to have something in the background making noise and 90% of the time it’s my phone blaring the songs that make me feel with the book. I really want input on this so please feel free to jump in. I know I’m weird but I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head. I want to put a recommended listening while reading list in the back of the book. I want the reader to feel what I did writing the book.
As you guessed by now today I’m going to bore you all to death with my music obsession. For my first book, The Watcher, I’ll tell you all what song inspired the chapter! Yeah I know it’s dumb, but maybe if you do decide to read my books it will help you understand the book on a deeper level then the average reader.
In The Beginning- The start of the coven was inspired by Breakdown by Breaking Benjamin. Yeah great way to kick off a book! They rock my world and I’ve been a fan for a long time!
Welcome to Taylor Prep- A fresh start a new year – Home by Three Days Grace.
Tell Me More- Meeting someone you feel the need to be around all the time. You can’t explain the feeling but you have to fee the urge- E.T. by Katy Perry.
Finding Father- A strained relationship with your parents, no matter your age, is a pain to tolerate. The expression in song form brought – I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin.
His Keeper- figuring out there is something bigger then you that you were meant to do. Being told you can’t do something you’re compelled to do.- Bleed It Out- Linkin Park
It Only Gets Worse- The loss of a loved one. The pressure of growing up and finding yourself. -Pressure by Paramore
Before It Gets Better- Overcoming the pain of loss and stress of life. Alive- Krewella.
Aware- Moving forward and learning to cope. – Best of You- Foo Fighters.
Welcoming Spring- Finding the right way to stop the demon that’s out to kill you?- Fine Again- Seether
Round One- Fighting for your life! Yeah you need a theme song for that. This chapter’s song- I Miss the Misery- Halestorm
Back From the Dead- When everyone believes they just watced you die.- Back From the Dead- Skylar Grey
Counting Down- Forcefully doing something and tracking every minute until you get to go home. -If I Didn’t Have You- Thompson Square
Catching Up- Finally making it home. – I Need Your Love- Calvin Harris
Back to Us- Figuring out if you can handle a relationship, the one you’ve been wanting since the day you met.- Stay- Rhianna
Facing Our Fears- Doing just that!- 4Ever- The Veronica’s
Revenge for Zoe- Bringing a friend back to life when they’ve hit their lowest. -Where Is My Mind- Placebo
Graceful Return- Coming out of the darkness and into the light.- Glory and Gore- Lorde
Sammy’s Little Secret- Caught in the middle between your best friend and your love. You have to help your friend figure out what’s really going on, even if it mean your love is upset.-Ignorance- Paramore
All the way to the end! Look forward to a list when book 2 comes out too and let me know what you think!
As you guessed by now today I’m going to bore you all to death with my music obsession. For my first book, The Watcher, I’ll tell you all what song inspired the chapter! Yeah I know it’s dumb, but maybe if you do decide to read my books it will help you understand the book on a deeper level then the average reader.
In The Beginning- The start of the coven was inspired by Breakdown by Breaking Benjamin. Yeah great way to kick off a book! They rock my world and I’ve been a fan for a long time!
Welcome to Taylor Prep- A fresh start a new year – Home by Three Days Grace.
Tell Me More- Meeting someone you feel the need to be around all the time. You can’t explain the feeling but you have to fee the urge- E.T. by Katy Perry.
Finding Father- A strained relationship with your parents, no matter your age, is a pain to tolerate. The expression in song form brought – I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin.
His Keeper- figuring out there is something bigger then you that you were meant to do. Being told you can’t do something you’re compelled to do.- Bleed It Out- Linkin Park
It Only Gets Worse- The loss of a loved one. The pressure of growing up and finding yourself. -Pressure by Paramore
Before It Gets Better- Overcoming the pain of loss and stress of life. Alive- Krewella.
Aware- Moving forward and learning to cope. – Best of You- Foo Fighters.
Welcoming Spring- Finding the right way to stop the demon that’s out to kill you?- Fine Again- Seether
Round One- Fighting for your life! Yeah you need a theme song for that. This chapter’s song- I Miss the Misery- Halestorm
Back From the Dead- When everyone believes they just watced you die.- Back From the Dead- Skylar Grey
Counting Down- Forcefully doing something and tracking every minute until you get to go home. -If I Didn’t Have You- Thompson Square
Catching Up- Finally making it home. – I Need Your Love- Calvin Harris
Back to Us- Figuring out if you can handle a relationship, the one you’ve been wanting since the day you met.- Stay- Rhianna
Facing Our Fears- Doing just that!- 4Ever- The Veronica’s
Revenge for Zoe- Bringing a friend back to life when they’ve hit their lowest. -Where Is My Mind- Placebo
Graceful Return- Coming out of the darkness and into the light.- Glory and Gore- Lorde
Sammy’s Little Secret- Caught in the middle between your best friend and your love. You have to help your friend figure out what’s really going on, even if it mean your love is upset.-Ignorance- Paramore
All the way to the end! Look forward to a list when book 2 comes out too and let me know what you think!
May 9, 2014
Freeing Friday
Although the lack of sleep makes me feel like I’m going insane, I realize I can’t be. I’ve got books to finish. But seriously now, I’m sure you want to know what makes this day so freeing huh? It actually has nothing to do with my books, but more of what makes me weird and me. I had a horrible dream, I watched my husband pack up his things and leave. It was just terrible, now here’s the background info to help understand a little more……
A long long (5 years ago) time ago I had been married to a man that had a habit of leaving me in spring. For another girl, although he still lies about it to this day, I’m not dumb I can see just fine and I know what I witnessed! Anyways, so this time of year I get a little emotional still and the nightmares start which in turn starts the insomnia. It was my life for more than 7 years with that man and now 5 years later I can’t convince myself that my new husband ( well it’s been almost 3 years since we got married) is staying. I didn’t want to believe it happened to me at least 8 times that I know of in 6 years of marriage to my ex-husband. I know better but I can’t convince my brain it’s true…..
That being admitted, It was completely freeing to wake up to the most wonderful man in the world smiling back at me like he had every morning since the day we first moved in together. He is my hero and my best friend in the whole world and I am stupid for dreaming other wise. He is my dark knight (A huge batman fan if you couldn’t tell my my blog name). He wouldn’t even look at another woman let alone leave me for one! With just 5 days to our 3rd wedding anniversary I feel amazing know that even my nightmare of him leaving me are just a story I made up in my dreams. Maybe I needed a little more drama in my life? All I know is I’ve never been happier to wake up on a Friday morning and smile and the man that.
Sorry I’m sappy today.
A long long (5 years ago) time ago I had been married to a man that had a habit of leaving me in spring. For another girl, although he still lies about it to this day, I’m not dumb I can see just fine and I know what I witnessed! Anyways, so this time of year I get a little emotional still and the nightmares start which in turn starts the insomnia. It was my life for more than 7 years with that man and now 5 years later I can’t convince myself that my new husband ( well it’s been almost 3 years since we got married) is staying. I didn’t want to believe it happened to me at least 8 times that I know of in 6 years of marriage to my ex-husband. I know better but I can’t convince my brain it’s true…..
That being admitted, It was completely freeing to wake up to the most wonderful man in the world smiling back at me like he had every morning since the day we first moved in together. He is my hero and my best friend in the whole world and I am stupid for dreaming other wise. He is my dark knight (A huge batman fan if you couldn’t tell my my blog name). He wouldn’t even look at another woman let alone leave me for one! With just 5 days to our 3rd wedding anniversary I feel amazing know that even my nightmare of him leaving me are just a story I made up in my dreams. Maybe I needed a little more drama in my life? All I know is I’ve never been happier to wake up on a Friday morning and smile and the man that.
Sorry I’m sappy today.
May 5, 2014
blurting out loud
I’ve had such a long day already. Why is it that the world is always pulling on me? I can only go so far before I’ve had enough. I need to change my mood around! All this editing really has me in a slump! Or the fact that I loath the movie they are making out of my favorite books, or any other of life’s problems. This is just ridiculous, why am I so miserable? I’m out side all the time and I know my happy pills are working. I just can’t seem to grip why I feel so down lately.
Although book 2, The Attested, is coming along better then I ever thought it would. I’m not as bad at writing as I thought I would be. My grammar is way better and all those other things aren’t so tedious anymore. It is refreshing to get back to basics. Then the memories of high school flood my brain and I feel like shutting down again! Maybe I need to starting writing poetry again? The little break I took to play with my kids at school and check up on my people online that I love so much too! Now it’s back to the grind and back to beating my brain out with google.com among other sites to help me replace my over used words. I just hope I dont get a concussion from all this abuse to my brain!
Although book 2, The Attested, is coming along better then I ever thought it would. I’m not as bad at writing as I thought I would be. My grammar is way better and all those other things aren’t so tedious anymore. It is refreshing to get back to basics. Then the memories of high school flood my brain and I feel like shutting down again! Maybe I need to starting writing poetry again? The little break I took to play with my kids at school and check up on my people online that I love so much too! Now it’s back to the grind and back to beating my brain out with google.com among other sites to help me replace my over used words. I just hope I dont get a concussion from all this abuse to my brain!
