Chris Rodell's Blog, page 90
December 17, 2014
A long story on waiting for the next available operator (& a short recollection of the time I had phone sex)
(988 words)
If I’m ever single again I hope to begin a relationship with the next available operator.
Is there any more desirable person on the planet?
I spent about nearly an hour puttering around Sunday while waiting for the next available operator.
I was renewing my health care the day before the deadline. I know that affordable health care for guys like me infuriates about 50
If I’m ever single again I hope to begin a relationship with the next available operator.
Is there any more desirable person on the planet?
I spent about nearly an hour puttering around Sunday while waiting for the next available operator.
I was renewing my health care the day before the deadline. I know that affordable health care for guys like me infuriates about 50
December 16, 2014
15 jiffy riffs on gas prices, Sony hacks & other stuff
• If gas prices had risen as much as gas prices have fallen gas prices would right now be about $5.50 a gallon. And everyone with car keys would be either posting or debunking dark Facebook conspiracy theories contending it was all Barack’s fault.
• I was always under the impression that gas prices rose or fell based on the stability of the Middle East. So as prices continue to descend I
• I was always under the impression that gas prices rose or fell based on the stability of the Middle East. So as prices continue to descend I
December 14, 2014
Sunday encore! We've had enough Christmas songs since '92
I can’t say I’m sick of Christmas music, but that’s just because I guess I’m immune to them. We play them all the time. They’re on in our house, in the car and they’re everywhere people go except — hallelujah — the sanctuary of where I go for inebriation. I wrote this in ’08 and it’s conclusion was demolished the very next year when Bob Dylan released an entire album of pointless Christmas
December 12, 2014
A very Don Rickles Christmas
(744 words)
I believe in a vengeful God who whenever I say anything sarcastic to my 81-year-old mother adds another 6 months to her life.
I told my daughter, 14, this theory and she turned right into Nelson Muntz.
“Ha! Ha!”
“Keep laughing, funny girl,” I said, “but if I’m right when I’m her age she’ll be 174 and you’ll be taking care of both of us.”
Ha! Ha!
Just last week, I
I believe in a vengeful God who whenever I say anything sarcastic to my 81-year-old mother adds another 6 months to her life.
I told my daughter, 14, this theory and she turned right into Nelson Muntz.
“Ha! Ha!”
“Keep laughing, funny girl,” I said, “but if I’m right when I’m her age she’ll be 174 and you’ll be taking care of both of us.”
Ha! Ha!
Just last week, I
December 9, 2014
Happy Birthday to my darling wife! Buy her something nice ... (because I still can't)
(692 words)
Today’s my wife’s birthday! It promises to be a great day in the Rodell house.
She’s not 37.
She’s not 42.
She’s not 44.
What is she?
She’s even more beautiful than she was the day we met. I mean that. Marrying her was the best decision of my life. She’s wonderful.
I don’t write about her much because, well, she reads, and that could be problematic for anyone
Today’s my wife’s birthday! It promises to be a great day in the Rodell house.
She’s not 37.
She’s not 42.
She’s not 44.
What is she?
She’s even more beautiful than she was the day we met. I mean that. Marrying her was the best decision of my life. She’s wonderful.
I don’t write about her much because, well, she reads, and that could be problematic for anyone
December 8, 2014
Happy Holidays to America's racists!
(509 words)
Many conservative whites who get livid when someone innocently wishes them Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas think blacks are over-reacting about so many unarmed blacks getting killed by conservative whites.
Far be it for me to speak for Him, but I’ll bet the Prince of Peace has fewer problems with the War on Christmas than He does with the War on Blacks.
And I
Many conservative whites who get livid when someone innocently wishes them Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas think blacks are over-reacting about so many unarmed blacks getting killed by conservative whites.
Far be it for me to speak for Him, but I’ll bet the Prince of Peace has fewer problems with the War on Christmas than He does with the War on Blacks.
And I
December 7, 2014
Sunday encore: On chicken fingers, breasts & nipples
I don’t put a lot of thought into these Sunday re-runs. Heck, I don’t put a whole lot of thought into the weekday originals. I usually just look and see if one is bubbling up in the readership in a plea for attention. And I try and keep Sundays silly.
So this one is perfect. It’s from July, a bunch of people from France found it this week, and it’s about chicken parts.
Have a great day!
So this one is perfect. It’s from July, a bunch of people from France found it this week, and it’s about chicken parts.
Have a great day!
December 5, 2014
I'll be wrapping today at Barnes & Noble! Or is it rapping?
(608 words)
If it’s been too long since anyone’s made real eye contact while giving you a friendly smile, please stop by the Greensburg Barnes & Noble from 10 to 2 p.m. or from 3 to about 7 p.m.
I’ve been invited to be there to sell books by being what I was told is a “guest wrapper.”
At least I hope it’s wrapper.
If it’s rapper, I think the store and its customers are in a lot of
If it’s been too long since anyone’s made real eye contact while giving you a friendly smile, please stop by the Greensburg Barnes & Noble from 10 to 2 p.m. or from 3 to about 7 p.m.
I’ve been invited to be there to sell books by being what I was told is a “guest wrapper.”
At least I hope it’s wrapper.
If it’s rapper, I think the store and its customers are in a lot of
December 4, 2014
RIP Bobby Keys: Is this his last song?
(717 words)
The thing you have to love about Bobby Keys is that in rock’s most excessive era he was exiled for being too irresponsible.
By Mick Jagger!
It’d be like Fred Rogers and the Dali Lama having a gentle dispute over who is more deferential.
This wasn’t parting ways with Brian Jones over creative differences. This was Jagger saying, “‘The bloke’s jus’ too much! When ‘e’s inna
The thing you have to love about Bobby Keys is that in rock’s most excessive era he was exiled for being too irresponsible.
By Mick Jagger!
It’d be like Fred Rogers and the Dali Lama having a gentle dispute over who is more deferential.
This wasn’t parting ways with Brian Jones over creative differences. This was Jagger saying, “‘The bloke’s jus’ too much! When ‘e’s inna
December 3, 2014
A profane discourse on barbers & bartenders
(691 words)
It occurred to me when I was four deep waiting my turn that every barber was doomed to engage in the exact same conversation 100 times each and every day.
I heard four customers ask him as they mounted the chair, “So, how was your Thanksgiving?”
Each time he answered the very same way, “Great! Yours?”
The conversation never deviated even a bit. Nothing but inane
It occurred to me when I was four deep waiting my turn that every barber was doomed to engage in the exact same conversation 100 times each and every day.
I heard four customers ask him as they mounted the chair, “So, how was your Thanksgiving?”
Each time he answered the very same way, “Great! Yours?”
The conversation never deviated even a bit. Nothing but inane
