Chris Rodell's Blog, page 88
January 21, 2015
What I think about when dog and I get into a staring contest
(719 words)
I sometimes find myself staring at the dog and wondering how I’d look with his nose and how he’d look with mine. And I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
I doubt it. I think when he looks at me he’s wondering when I’m going to eat again.
He’s a very small dog, a yipper. I guess his brain’s about the size of a walnut. I think he devotes all his minuscule brain power
I sometimes find myself staring at the dog and wondering how I’d look with his nose and how he’d look with mine. And I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
I doubt it. I think when he looks at me he’s wondering when I’m going to eat again.
He’s a very small dog, a yipper. I guess his brain’s about the size of a walnut. I think he devotes all his minuscule brain power
January 19, 2015
My Saturday speech? A surprising sell out
(659 words)
I had my best speaking engagement this weekend if for no other reason I’ll now know where to go if my wife ever changes the locks for a laundry list of reasons, not the least of which being her desire to reduce the time she spends doing laundry.
Mt. Pleasant, here I come!
The sensational YouTube clips of me speaking or joking around about speaking are starting to stir
I had my best speaking engagement this weekend if for no other reason I’ll now know where to go if my wife ever changes the locks for a laundry list of reasons, not the least of which being her desire to reduce the time she spends doing laundry.
Mt. Pleasant, here I come!
The sensational YouTube clips of me speaking or joking around about speaking are starting to stir
January 18, 2015
A return to re-runs! "Dickin' 'round with Moby and other whales"
A friend of mine said he was upset that it seemed like I’d gotten out of the habit of having regular re-runs on Sunday. He said not having re-runs meant it looked like I’d gotten blog lazy. It would be a fitting trajectory, in fact, because the blog is at its heart an exaltation of human laziness. But I’d hate to disappoint even one reader because on many days that seems like the sum total of
January 16, 2015
How recollections of good bourbon & horny farm girls influence my NFL picks
(1,044 words)
Many football fans around America and serving overseas will be rooting for teams based on hometown affiliations, favorite players or coaches.
With the Pittsburgh Steelers out of it, I could care less about any of those factors.
I root based on nostalgic recollections about the cities where I can recall either getting kissed or getting good and drunk.
Happily, I have
Many football fans around America and serving overseas will be rooting for teams based on hometown affiliations, favorite players or coaches.
With the Pittsburgh Steelers out of it, I could care less about any of those factors.
I root based on nostalgic recollections about the cities where I can recall either getting kissed or getting good and drunk.
Happily, I have
January 15, 2015
The day I staked out Charles Bronson's mom's funeral
(1,177 words)
Of the more than 1,000 stories I did for National Enquirer back in the ‘90s, my wife’s clear favorite is the one about what happened when I staked out Charles Bronson’s mom’s funeral.
I think I know why.
The story contains an appealing mix of bumbling incompetence, delightful coincidence, and a surprise happy ending. So it was just like a Muppet movie without all the
Of the more than 1,000 stories I did for National Enquirer back in the ‘90s, my wife’s clear favorite is the one about what happened when I staked out Charles Bronson’s mom’s funeral.
I think I know why.
The story contains an appealing mix of bumbling incompetence, delightful coincidence, and a surprise happy ending. So it was just like a Muppet movie without all the
January 13, 2015
Jeremy Renner's Golden Globes boob joke
(776 words)
My wife and I are catching up on “Fargo,” so we didn’t watch the Golden Globes.
I’m resisting “Fargo” because every character is either a coward, a bully or a bore. I don’t like having to sit down and have lunch with cowards, bullies or bores, so why would I want to watch a show about their cruel little lives?
But “Fargo” is growing on me because “Fargo” is very violent
My wife and I are catching up on “Fargo,” so we didn’t watch the Golden Globes.
I’m resisting “Fargo” because every character is either a coward, a bully or a bore. I don’t like having to sit down and have lunch with cowards, bullies or bores, so why would I want to watch a show about their cruel little lives?
But “Fargo” is growing on me because “Fargo” is very violent
January 12, 2015
America needs weekly school-closing snows
(720 words)
Any time I hear the morning meteorologist say outside there’s a blanket of snow atop a sheet of ice I instinctively feel like pulling the covers up and staying in bed the rest of the day..
It’s like the weatherman is phrasing the forecast to make getting up and getting dressed as unpleasant as possible.
The only thing today’s forecast is missing are reports of scattered
Any time I hear the morning meteorologist say outside there’s a blanket of snow atop a sheet of ice I instinctively feel like pulling the covers up and staying in bed the rest of the day..
It’s like the weatherman is phrasing the forecast to make getting up and getting dressed as unpleasant as possible.
The only thing today’s forecast is missing are reports of scattered
January 9, 2015
Created in His image: Thoughts on Charlie
(656 words)
My two favorite religious expressions aren’t in the Bible and will probably strike many believers as blasphemous.
“Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”
That’s from Thomas Jefferson, the American genius from what is known as “The Age of Reason.”
It, to me,
My two favorite religious expressions aren’t in the Bible and will probably strike many believers as blasphemous.
“Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”
That’s from Thomas Jefferson, the American genius from what is known as “The Age of Reason.”
It, to me,
January 7, 2015
Roger Ebert movie "Life itself" more than a movie: it's about life itself
(568 words)
I’ve seen movies about the West that have made me wish I were a cowboy. I have seen movies about space that made me wish I were an astronaut.
Last night I saw a movie about a critic. It didn’t make me wish I were a critic.
It made me wish I were Roger Ebert.
It made me wish I could live up to his example about how to live every moment of every life with cheer and
I’ve seen movies about the West that have made me wish I were a cowboy. I have seen movies about space that made me wish I were an astronaut.
Last night I saw a movie about a critic. It didn’t make me wish I were a critic.
It made me wish I were Roger Ebert.
It made me wish I could live up to his example about how to live every moment of every life with cheer and
January 6, 2015
Increase facial & body hair to ward off winter
(716 words)
In 2013, it happened just before Christmas. Last year, it was the second week in November. The unseasonable warmth of this winter had me wondering if this week would ever come.
It has at last.
This, finally, is the week my face becomes a forecast.
I’ve for the past 10 years made it my custom to begin growing a full beard the instant I see in the five-day forecast three
In 2013, it happened just before Christmas. Last year, it was the second week in November. The unseasonable warmth of this winter had me wondering if this week would ever come.
It has at last.
This, finally, is the week my face becomes a forecast.
I’ve for the past 10 years made it my custom to begin growing a full beard the instant I see in the five-day forecast three
