Chris Rodell's Blog, page 68
December 6, 2015
Sunday Re-run: "The Christmas when romance (& me) were Frosty"
Ah, the sweet recollections of youthful romance. This is from '13 and is about the holiday season I spent dressed as Frosty and a soon-to-be-divorced 30 year old had the hots for me, as dangerous a combination as there is.
(1,213 words)
You’d think with a resume as skimpy as mine I’d seize on any past occupation to bolster my flagging prospects.
But I’ve never written about one
(1,213 words)
You’d think with a resume as skimpy as mine I’d seize on any past occupation to bolster my flagging prospects.
But I’ve never written about one
December 4, 2015
Faking your death to lure Christmas guests: my thoughts on the controversial German commercial
(638 words)
My face bore a grave expression when I approached my daughter, 15, in her room with what I said was sad news.
“What?”
“It’s grandma,” I said.
“What happened?”
“She got run over by a reindeer.”
She screamed at me to get out.
I did so content in the knowledge the poor kid now had what may be the second worst Christmas song embedded in her consciousness. Now, it’s up to me
My face bore a grave expression when I approached my daughter, 15, in her room with what I said was sad news.
“What?”
“It’s grandma,” I said.
“What happened?”
“She got run over by a reindeer.”
She screamed at me to get out.
I did so content in the knowledge the poor kid now had what may be the second worst Christmas song embedded in her consciousness. Now, it’s up to me
December 3, 2015
A "well-regulated militia" will reduce gun violence
People will think I’m being facetious about this. I am not. I believe this is a sensible and constitutional solution to rampant gun violence. This from ’12 is in response to the Colorado movie theatre massacre.
Gun violence will be reduced when America decides to enforce what is to me the key phrase of the 27-word 2nd Amendment, so revered by our nation’s gun nuts.
And that’s
Gun violence will be reduced when America decides to enforce what is to me the key phrase of the 27-word 2nd Amendment, so revered by our nation’s gun nuts.
And that’s
December 2, 2015
Whole world needs to LOL more. Now!
(836 words)
Spending an hour in a doctor’s office waiting room is like being in the windowless elevator of a 3,000-floor building. Nobody talks. Nobody makes eye contact. It’s awkward.
Every hundred floors or so somebody else gets on and tells the elevator operator their name so they’ll know where to stop.
I was the responsible parent yesterday — it occurs with Leap Year frequency —
Spending an hour in a doctor’s office waiting room is like being in the windowless elevator of a 3,000-floor building. Nobody talks. Nobody makes eye contact. It’s awkward.
Every hundred floors or so somebody else gets on and tells the elevator operator their name so they’ll know where to stop.
I was the responsible parent yesterday — it occurs with Leap Year frequency —
December 1, 2015
November Tweets of the Month
I always vow whenever I’m stuck for an idea to mine my @8days2amish twitter feed and just harvest snappy ideas from there.
But I hardly ever do this.
Why?
It just seems too easy. And what’s the point of devoting hours each day to a non-paying pastime unless it’s really challenging?
• World’s greatest sales people must work for Spam. Think of the intrinsic hurdles they must
But I hardly ever do this.
Why?
It just seems too easy. And what’s the point of devoting hours each day to a non-paying pastime unless it’s really challenging?
• World’s greatest sales people must work for Spam. Think of the intrinsic hurdles they must
November 30, 2015
Happy Birthday, Winston! Thoughts on Churchill
(927 words)
Today would have been Winston Spencer Churchill’s 141st birthday. I propose we share a toast in his honor before his ghost guzzles all the booze left in the world.
I’m on page 432 of the third and final volume of William Manchester and Paul Reid’s epic bio of “The Last Lion.” That means in one year I’ll have absorbed 2,920 pages about the man who to me is one of the most
Today would have been Winston Spencer Churchill’s 141st birthday. I propose we share a toast in his honor before his ghost guzzles all the booze left in the world.
I’m on page 432 of the third and final volume of William Manchester and Paul Reid’s epic bio of “The Last Lion.” That means in one year I’ll have absorbed 2,920 pages about the man who to me is one of the most
November 27, 2015
Abe Vigoda's still alive! (for now)
(714 words)
“The Godfather” was on AMC ‘round the clock yesterday and you know what that means.
I’d check the internet every 10 minutes to see if Abe Vigoda was still alive.
In the movie — spoiler alert! — he gets offed for playing mob footsie with Don Barzini and Philip Tataglia.
In real life, Vigoda will, it seems, never die, despite persistent reports that he is, in fact, already
“The Godfather” was on AMC ‘round the clock yesterday and you know what that means.
I’d check the internet every 10 minutes to see if Abe Vigoda was still alive.
In the movie — spoiler alert! — he gets offed for playing mob footsie with Don Barzini and Philip Tataglia.
In real life, Vigoda will, it seems, never die, despite persistent reports that he is, in fact, already
November 26, 2015
Thanksgiving Re-Run: A slouching idiot says thanks
This one’s from Thanksgiving ’11. I’ll be thankful if you read it aloud at the dinner table right before the Thanksgiving prayer.
Kidding!
Thank you for being my friends. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and remember the men and women serving in our armed forces in your prayers.
I advise you to start tomorrow, as I do every Thanksgiving, by playing the 2006 Ray
Kidding!
Thank you for being my friends. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and remember the men and women serving in our armed forces in your prayers.
I advise you to start tomorrow, as I do every Thanksgiving, by playing the 2006 Ray
November 25, 2015
Vegans vs. meatlovers at Thanksgiving
(593 words)
I admire vegetarians and understand what motivates them but there’s about as much chance of me becoming one as there is of me resuming my virginity.
It just ain’t going to happen.
My wife’s always threatening to become a vegetarian — as threatening as any animal-loving pacifist can be about differing morals.
She aspires to be like Lisa Simpson, who once told Homer her goal
I admire vegetarians and understand what motivates them but there’s about as much chance of me becoming one as there is of me resuming my virginity.
It just ain’t going to happen.
My wife’s always threatening to become a vegetarian — as threatening as any animal-loving pacifist can be about differing morals.
She aspires to be like Lisa Simpson, who once told Homer her goal
November 23, 2015
Teaching history/current events to innocents
(1,052 words)
I remember being flattered my spring semester sophomore year when my history professor asked me to tutor a fellow student who was having trouble.
She was a local Athens girl, a farmer’s daughter and pretty. She wasn’t stupid. A junior, he’d just gotten confused by the tumult of the 20th century American history and needed someone to explain the complications.
I minored in
I remember being flattered my spring semester sophomore year when my history professor asked me to tutor a fellow student who was having trouble.
She was a local Athens girl, a farmer’s daughter and pretty. She wasn’t stupid. A junior, he’d just gotten confused by the tumult of the 20th century American history and needed someone to explain the complications.
I minored in
