Chris Rodell's Blog, page 65
January 25, 2016
How much did I hate "Revenant?" Worse than winter
(751 words)
I used to think the longest winter was 2010 because it lasted from Halloween through near Easter.
I was mistaken.
The longest winter lasted 2 hours and 36 minutes.
Yes, me and some buddies went to see “The Revenant.”
I hated it.
It’s like the producers fully embraced the maxim that revenge is a dish best served cold, like below-zero/frost-bit/
I used to think the longest winter was 2010 because it lasted from Halloween through near Easter.
I was mistaken.
The longest winter lasted 2 hours and 36 minutes.
Yes, me and some buddies went to see “The Revenant.”
I hated it.
It’s like the producers fully embraced the maxim that revenge is a dish best served cold, like below-zero/frost-bit/
January 22, 2016
The winter day I nearly died in Minnesota
(732 words)
I hadn’t really thought about how close I’d come to dying there until a friend mentioned fun things to do in Minnesota in January.
Dying didn’t make the list.
But what I was doing moments before I nearly did does.
Something fun to do in Minnesota in January?
Try doing donuts at 65 mph on a frozen lake in a Toyota Corolla with the walk-away insurance.
Now, that was fun.
I hadn’t really thought about how close I’d come to dying there until a friend mentioned fun things to do in Minnesota in January.
Dying didn’t make the list.
But what I was doing moments before I nearly did does.
Something fun to do in Minnesota in January?
Try doing donuts at 65 mph on a frozen lake in a Toyota Corolla with the walk-away insurance.
Now, that was fun.
January 20, 2016
This book is NOT free: my novel is for sale
(1,650 words)
To be honest, I’ve always been holding out for hookers. That’s the reason it’s taken 16 years to publish my debut novel, “The Last Baby Boomer: The Story of the Ultimate Ghoul Pool.”
I kept waiting for some prestigious publisher or agent to fly me to Manhattan, limo me to some swanky hotel and say, “Here you go, Mr. Rodell. You can have the blonde, the red head, the
To be honest, I’ve always been holding out for hookers. That’s the reason it’s taken 16 years to publish my debut novel, “The Last Baby Boomer: The Story of the Ultimate Ghoul Pool.”
I kept waiting for some prestigious publisher or agent to fly me to Manhattan, limo me to some swanky hotel and say, “Here you go, Mr. Rodell. You can have the blonde, the red head, the
January 19, 2016
Reacting to our celeb death epidemic
(627 words)
I know what you’re thinking, ‘cause I’m thinking it, too.
How can Wayne Rogers, David Bowie, Dan Haggerty, Natalie Cole, Glenn Frey and Alan Rickman all be dead when Zsa Zsa Gabor remains so grimly otherwise?
I’ve had ZZG on my ghoul pool since 2011 when I wrote about how her shady “husband” was asking doctors to lop off huge chunks of her once-gorgeous body to prolong her
I know what you’re thinking, ‘cause I’m thinking it, too.
How can Wayne Rogers, David Bowie, Dan Haggerty, Natalie Cole, Glenn Frey and Alan Rickman all be dead when Zsa Zsa Gabor remains so grimly otherwise?
I’ve had ZZG on my ghoul pool since 2011 when I wrote about how her shady “husband” was asking doctors to lop off huge chunks of her once-gorgeous body to prolong her
January 18, 2016
An old paperboy delivers his newspaper lament
(645 words)
A younger friend recently asked where my wife and I met. I told him we were working at the local newspaper. And for the first time it dawned on me the story of our romantic coupling will one day soon require further explanation.
Something I’ve cherished nearly my whole life is going away.
And I don’t mean Val (last I checked, at least).
No, today I’m lamenting the apparent
A younger friend recently asked where my wife and I met. I told him we were working at the local newspaper. And for the first time it dawned on me the story of our romantic coupling will one day soon require further explanation.
Something I’ve cherished nearly my whole life is going away.
And I don’t mean Val (last I checked, at least).
No, today I’m lamenting the apparent
January 17, 2016
RRS from '11: Custer's last penis
I wrote this in September ’11 and at the time correctly predicted the topic would lead to an onslaught of readers who’d arrive after googling “Custer’s penis.” That’s exactly what happened. A week doesn’t go by without someone somewhere showing up at my blog after typing the “Custer’s penis” search term. It’s not a top 10 story, but probably a top 12. Enjoy your Sunday and … Let’s Go
January 15, 2016
The T-Shirt I inadvertently inspired
(658 words)
It is audacious, I admit, but I believe a lot of the things I write belong on posters, coffee mugs and T-Shirts for inspirational purposes.
Things like:
Enjoy being human and enjoy human beings
Anytime you hear of anyone dying suddenly it ought to reinforce the need to always be living suddenly
And . . .
A mohawk is an eccentric haircut. A MoeHawk is an irrationally angry
It is audacious, I admit, but I believe a lot of the things I write belong on posters, coffee mugs and T-Shirts for inspirational purposes.
Things like:
Enjoy being human and enjoy human beings
Anytime you hear of anyone dying suddenly it ought to reinforce the need to always be living suddenly
And . . .
A mohawk is an eccentric haircut. A MoeHawk is an irrationally angry
January 14, 2016
Who I was hoping would win the jackpot
(610 words)
If you think by me blogging the day after the $1.6 billion drawing means I didn’t win, well, you don’t know me very well.
I blog for free. I enjoy it.
Heck, if I’d win the jackpot I’d probably start blogging three times a day.
The only difference between jackpot me and poverty me would be jackpot me would dictate his thoughts aloud to a shapely secretary while he pranced
If you think by me blogging the day after the $1.6 billion drawing means I didn’t win, well, you don’t know me very well.
I blog for free. I enjoy it.
Heck, if I’d win the jackpot I’d probably start blogging three times a day.
The only difference between jackpot me and poverty me would be jackpot me would dictate his thoughts aloud to a shapely secretary while he pranced
January 13, 2016
"Stolen Valor" and my pretend life
(647 words)
A federal appeals court ruled Tuesday it’s a free speech privilege for posers to wear fraudulent military medals. The case was brought to court under the Stolen Valor Act that in 2013 aimed to outlaw non-serving scoundrels from profiting from pretend military heroism.
So the ruling, in effect, will lead to men who falsely claim to have been maimed in service getting truly maimed
A federal appeals court ruled Tuesday it’s a free speech privilege for posers to wear fraudulent military medals. The case was brought to court under the Stolen Valor Act that in 2013 aimed to outlaw non-serving scoundrels from profiting from pretend military heroism.
So the ruling, in effect, will lead to men who falsely claim to have been maimed in service getting truly maimed
January 11, 2016
Hats in heaven; another goodbye to another good friend
(572 words)
I never thought of wearing a hat in heaven until I saw my buddy Ed wearing his Sunday in his coffin.
It said “Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.” So people in heaven will know instantly, not only was he good on Earth, he was also very cool.
And even in death, he was.
He was Ed Guidas, 53, an owner of Mr. Toad’s pub in Greensburg.
He started out there as a bartender back in the late
I never thought of wearing a hat in heaven until I saw my buddy Ed wearing his Sunday in his coffin.
It said “Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.” So people in heaven will know instantly, not only was he good on Earth, he was also very cool.
And even in death, he was.
He was Ed Guidas, 53, an owner of Mr. Toad’s pub in Greensburg.
He started out there as a bartender back in the late
