Chris Rodell's Blog, page 57
June 4, 2016
Use rice if phone falls into toilet (from '14)
(795 words)
I can tell the mean season’s begun because all the area salt shakers are getting all riced up. That means we’re in for about two straight months of humidity that makes it feel like we’re all living inside one giant dog’s mouth.
I don’t remember salting up the rice when I was a kid, but I do remember humidity so oppressive it turned salt shakers into ketchup bottles; we’d
I can tell the mean season’s begun because all the area salt shakers are getting all riced up. That means we’re in for about two straight months of humidity that makes it feel like we’re all living inside one giant dog’s mouth.
I don’t remember salting up the rice when I was a kid, but I do remember humidity so oppressive it turned salt shakers into ketchup bottles; we’d
June 3, 2016
Cinci zoo boy & Tarzan
(840 words)
I had to blink the surreal right out of my eyes when a news story about a Cincinnati boy who chose to play with gorillas was followed up by a commercial for the new film about a boy who’s been raised by apes.
Now, I’m wondering if it was all a stunt gone horribly wrong.
I mean, they haven’t released the name of the zoo boy, but if it turns out to be Tarzan I’m going to be
I had to blink the surreal right out of my eyes when a news story about a Cincinnati boy who chose to play with gorillas was followed up by a commercial for the new film about a boy who’s been raised by apes.
Now, I’m wondering if it was all a stunt gone horribly wrong.
I mean, they haven’t released the name of the zoo boy, but if it turns out to be Tarzan I’m going to be
June 2, 2016
Cheers to National Teacher Inebriation Day (from '13)
(719 words)
I should have realized something was amiss by the parking lot. It was overflowing. Thursday afternoons at The Pond are usually what I’d call comfortably crowded. This had the makings of elevator so packed you decide it’s better to hike the stairs.
I walked in and the place was rowdy with happy strangers. And happy was an understatement. It was like a parolee party at the bar
I should have realized something was amiss by the parking lot. It was overflowing. Thursday afternoons at The Pond are usually what I’d call comfortably crowded. This had the makings of elevator so packed you decide it’s better to hike the stairs.
I walked in and the place was rowdy with happy strangers. And happy was an understatement. It was like a parolee party at the bar
Demented Mom's sweetness making me crazy
(1,018 words)
Being the primary care giver for an elderly dementia patient is like walking on a windy day with a beloved balloon at the end of a long string.
It’s there, but it’s not.
You feel like you’re being responsible by holding onto the string, but if a gust carries the balloon off to heaven, do you really care?
We just had Mom, 83, spend two nights with us over the
Being the primary care giver for an elderly dementia patient is like walking on a windy day with a beloved balloon at the end of a long string.
It’s there, but it’s not.
You feel like you’re being responsible by holding onto the string, but if a gust carries the balloon off to heaven, do you really care?
We just had Mom, 83, spend two nights with us over the
June 1, 2016
Audio book & "Today Show" guest "offers"
(760 words)
The voice on the other end of the phone pulsed with exuberance. It was just the kind of voice I want promoting me and “The Last Baby Boomer.”
He wanted me to sign on with his North Carolina firm to grant them exclusive audio book rights.
“The premise is dynamite,” he said. “We’re confident this will be a real break-out hit. Everyone here loves your book.”
Would I sign
The voice on the other end of the phone pulsed with exuberance. It was just the kind of voice I want promoting me and “The Last Baby Boomer.”
He wanted me to sign on with his North Carolina firm to grant them exclusive audio book rights.
“The premise is dynamite,” he said. “We’re confident this will be a real break-out hit. Everyone here loves your book.”
Would I sign
May 31, 2016
Tweets of the Month
I’m at 8days2Amish. Follow! Like! Share! Love! And stay the heck out of the passing lane …
• For the sake of metaphorical irony, it'd be neat if old wives grew actual tails.
• I used to think they were called the wee-wee hours because they were the clock's smallest numbers. As I age I'm becoming convinced they're called the wee-wee hours because it's when many adults get out of bed to
• For the sake of metaphorical irony, it'd be neat if old wives grew actual tails.
• I used to think they were called the wee-wee hours because they were the clock's smallest numbers. As I age I'm becoming convinced they're called the wee-wee hours because it's when many adults get out of bed to
May 30, 2016
Memorial Day re-run: "A few good men & women" ('09)
On Memorial Day, I advise people to either thank a veteran or go right out and enlist.
I always opt to thank the vet.
I think I would be a terrific peacetime soldier, which is not unlike being a spouse in a productive marriage. Sure, there’s a lot of bitching and petty gripes, but the GIs realize we’re working for a greater good and soldier on. Adding kids to the equation makes the family
I always opt to thank the vet.
I think I would be a terrific peacetime soldier, which is not unlike being a spouse in a productive marriage. Sure, there’s a lot of bitching and petty gripes, but the GIs realize we’re working for a greater good and soldier on. Adding kids to the equation makes the family
May 28, 2016
Memorial Day thoughts on war & great war movies (from '13)
(701 words)
Being born with a philosophical bent, I spend a good deal of time wrestling with the great questions of the ages.
“Why are we here?” “What happens to us when we die?” And, “If God created heaven and earth, who created God?”
Those are all topics for another day.
Today, Memorial Day, I think I have an answer to a question that has puzzled great thinkers since it was first
Being born with a philosophical bent, I spend a good deal of time wrestling with the great questions of the ages.
“Why are we here?” “What happens to us when we die?” And, “If God created heaven and earth, who created God?”
Those are all topics for another day.
Today, Memorial Day, I think I have an answer to a question that has puzzled great thinkers since it was first
May 27, 2016
Pens vs. Sharks in Stanley Cup (and life)
(717 words)
The Pens playing the San Jose Sharks for the Stanley Cup is less than idyllic for me because I’m one of those guys who gets annoyed having to pay attention to any news happening in any of the 39 world time zones that aren’t the one I’m in.
If it’s not happening in EST, I have trouble paying attention. Same goes for news about people whose names I have trouble pronouncing.
The Pens playing the San Jose Sharks for the Stanley Cup is less than idyllic for me because I’m one of those guys who gets annoyed having to pay attention to any news happening in any of the 39 world time zones that aren’t the one I’m in.
If it’s not happening in EST, I have trouble paying attention. Same goes for news about people whose names I have trouble pronouncing.
May 26, 2016
A pill to end need for sleep; one to end need for food: You must take one. Which do you take?
(850 words)
Imagine it is the future, which means it could be 10, 20 or 50 years from now or it could be tomorrow morning.
It is announced a major pharmaceutical company has developed a pill that if you take just once will eliminate the need to eat.
Simultaneously, a rival announces it has developed a pill that eliminates the need to sleep.
And because it is the future and we’re
Imagine it is the future, which means it could be 10, 20 or 50 years from now or it could be tomorrow morning.
It is announced a major pharmaceutical company has developed a pill that if you take just once will eliminate the need to eat.
Simultaneously, a rival announces it has developed a pill that eliminates the need to sleep.
And because it is the future and we’re
