Chris Rodell's Blog, page 59
May 14, 2016
Naming babies after cities, states (from '12)
So I was watching a news show where Savannah Guthrie was slated to be talk to Dakota Fanning and wondering why some cities and states rate baby names and others do not.
I love Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but I’ve never heard of man named Pittsburgh Smith or a woman named Pennsylvania Barnes. But I’ve heckled retired baseball manager Dallas Green, read Virginia Woolf, and maintain one of the
I love Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but I’ve never heard of man named Pittsburgh Smith or a woman named Pennsylvania Barnes. But I’ve heckled retired baseball manager Dallas Green, read Virginia Woolf, and maintain one of the
May 13, 2016
"Oh, the weather outside is frightful ..."
(622 words)
I wonder if dogs would be less cheerful if they could understand things like weekend weather forecasts.
I know I spend an inordinate amount of time monitoring what the gurus say it’s going to do. Lots of people do, especially now that we carry tiny forecasters right in our pockets.
And I’m talking about our smart phone weather apps, not miniature weather men and women,
I wonder if dogs would be less cheerful if they could understand things like weekend weather forecasts.
I know I spend an inordinate amount of time monitoring what the gurus say it’s going to do. Lots of people do, especially now that we carry tiny forecasters right in our pockets.
And I’m talking about our smart phone weather apps, not miniature weather men and women,
May 12, 2016
Prince & the nation that pees purple
(696 words)
I’m fairly certain I could write a compelling non-fiction book proposal about all the compelling non-fiction book proposals I’ve written that in hindsight seem prophetic.
In the past 10 years, I’ve composed book proposals about the acceleration of how words become words, the rise of demagoguery and how plastic surgery is re-defining all-American deviance.
I remain
I’m fairly certain I could write a compelling non-fiction book proposal about all the compelling non-fiction book proposals I’ve written that in hindsight seem prophetic.
In the past 10 years, I’ve composed book proposals about the acceleration of how words become words, the rise of demagoguery and how plastic surgery is re-defining all-American deviance.
I remain
May 11, 2016
The grass mowing contest is already over
(715 words)
I’ve been hesitant to share this news because I know it’s bound to disappoint fellow idlers who look upon me and my buddy as the Frazier-Ali of laziness, two heavyweights when it came to avoiding lightweight work.
Our competition was heated, but never bitter.
We never come to blows because we never come to mows.
Yes, it’s that time of year when Paul and I engage in our
I’ve been hesitant to share this news because I know it’s bound to disappoint fellow idlers who look upon me and my buddy as the Frazier-Ali of laziness, two heavyweights when it came to avoiding lightweight work.
Our competition was heated, but never bitter.
We never come to blows because we never come to mows.
Yes, it’s that time of year when Paul and I engage in our
May 10, 2016
Tom Sawyer ejaculates! And how time changes definitions ('15)
I was startled to find not one, but two ejaculations on the pages of “Tom Sawyer.”
And here I wasn’t even sure the 139-year-old Tom has been through puberty.
I wondered if perhaps I’d stumbled onto one of those pornographic parodies. Some of you more worldly types may have heard of those.
They’re where the smut merchants tweak a famous title and turn something wholesome into
And here I wasn’t even sure the 139-year-old Tom has been through puberty.
I wondered if perhaps I’d stumbled onto one of those pornographic parodies. Some of you more worldly types may have heard of those.
They’re where the smut merchants tweak a famous title and turn something wholesome into
May 8, 2016
A son's Mother's Day lament (from '13)
(717 words)
The woman sounded alarmed. She called to tell me she thinks Mom, 80, is really slipping.
“She asked me to take her to the dentist the other day,” she said. “I told her to meet me in the lobby. When I got there she smiled and said, ‘Do I know you?’ She wasn’t joking.”
That Mom’s asking people I don’t know to ferry her to the dentist alarms me.
The woman’s one of Mom’s
The woman sounded alarmed. She called to tell me she thinks Mom, 80, is really slipping.
“She asked me to take her to the dentist the other day,” she said. “I told her to meet me in the lobby. When I got there she smiled and said, ‘Do I know you?’ She wasn’t joking.”
That Mom’s asking people I don’t know to ferry her to the dentist alarms me.
The woman’s one of Mom’s
May 7, 2016
Horse racing needs jumbo jockeys (from '10)
For the good of the sport, The Triple Crown needs one race where the jockeys are jumbos.
I’m proposing horse racing alter its rules so that the Derby is run, not by elfin athletes, but by king-sized couch potatoes who weigh no fewer than 350 pounds each.
See, The Triple Crown races are among my favorite sporting events. Combined they conclude in under 7 minutes.
The Super Bowl has
I’m proposing horse racing alter its rules so that the Derby is run, not by elfin athletes, but by king-sized couch potatoes who weigh no fewer than 350 pounds each.
See, The Triple Crown races are among my favorite sporting events. Combined they conclude in under 7 minutes.
The Super Bowl has
May 6, 2016
History Channel wants this blog for Ozzy pee story
(677 words)
The e-mail crackled with legalese. An adjunct for the History Channel was asking if the august network could reference this very blog for a feature they were producing.
I’d need to sign a release or production would be in jeopardy.
Would I consent?
This is the point where other writers would say, “Whoa.” They’d break off timely discussions to summon attorneys,
The e-mail crackled with legalese. An adjunct for the History Channel was asking if the august network could reference this very blog for a feature they were producing.
I’d need to sign a release or production would be in jeopardy.
Would I consent?
This is the point where other writers would say, “Whoa.” They’d break off timely discussions to summon attorneys,
May 4, 2016
I fail the 4th graders: I didn't chew the poo
(797 words)
Regular readers have heard me audaciously boast about my many successes as a public speaker. They’ve read me brag about audience hosannas, huge paydays and the time that drunk said I cured his hangover.
So it’s only fair to report last week I bombed. Laid an egg.
For the first time ever, attendees came up to me afterwards and said I’d disappointed them.
Why the failure
Regular readers have heard me audaciously boast about my many successes as a public speaker. They’ve read me brag about audience hosannas, huge paydays and the time that drunk said I cured his hangover.
So it’s only fair to report last week I bombed. Laid an egg.
For the first time ever, attendees came up to me afterwards and said I’d disappointed them.
Why the failure
May 3, 2016
A day for mourning: RIP Dow Carnahan
(653 words)
Days like today make it impossible to maintain our pledge to always stand for silly over somber.
What choice do we have?
Our friend Dow Carnahan, 56, has died.
An announcer for 30 years with WCNS, the hometown AM radio station, all the obituaries are calling him “The Voice of Latrobe,” which he was. He broadcast the Latrobe Wildcats high school football and basketball
Days like today make it impossible to maintain our pledge to always stand for silly over somber.
What choice do we have?
Our friend Dow Carnahan, 56, has died.
An announcer for 30 years with WCNS, the hometown AM radio station, all the obituaries are calling him “The Voice of Latrobe,” which he was. He broadcast the Latrobe Wildcats high school football and basketball
