Chris Rodell's Blog, page 103
May 21, 2014
Drawing warmth & cheer from the pain & suffering of idiots
(727 words)
I was having a bad day. No one was returning my calls. The previous day’s sales were less than anticipated. Uncharacteristic hopelessness seemed to surround me.
I’m not ashamed of that. It happens.
But I am ashamed of what spurred me to depart my Friday funk.
It wasn’t the encouragement of loved ones. It wasn’t a happy song. It wasn’t prayer.
No, I saw three idiots
I was having a bad day. No one was returning my calls. The previous day’s sales were less than anticipated. Uncharacteristic hopelessness seemed to surround me.
I’m not ashamed of that. It happens.
But I am ashamed of what spurred me to depart my Friday funk.
It wasn’t the encouragement of loved ones. It wasn’t a happy song. It wasn’t prayer.
No, I saw three idiots
May 19, 2014
What happened when I spent 72 hours handcuffed to Val
(1,360 words)
I’m always appreciative when natural human curiosity overcomes professional reserve when I hand someone an offbeat story clip. That’s what happened with Michael the other day at the FedEx store where I went to get an 18-year-old National Enquirer story laminated.
I hadn’t seen it for 5 years, hadn’t read it for 10 and now I wanted it preserved forever.
Although the
I’m always appreciative when natural human curiosity overcomes professional reserve when I hand someone an offbeat story clip. That’s what happened with Michael the other day at the FedEx store where I went to get an 18-year-old National Enquirer story laminated.
I hadn’t seen it for 5 years, hadn’t read it for 10 and now I wanted it preserved forever.
Although the
May 18, 2014
Re-run Sunday: Miss America & me
I received a press release this week requesting coverage for the annual Duck Tape Festival, June 13-15, in Avon, Ohio. This year’s theme, “Out of this World.” Then I saw CBS Sunday Morning touting duck tape.
It’s all made me wistful for the days when Miss America Teresa Scanlan used to call me to chat. And that’s as good a reason to re-run this 2011 post as any.
She calls and leaves
It’s all made me wistful for the days when Miss America Teresa Scanlan used to call me to chat. And that’s as good a reason to re-run this 2011 post as any.
She calls and leaves
May 16, 2014
I may never cut my grass again
(927 words)
Think growing grass in Colorado is controversial? You ought to stop by my house where the people aren’t high, but the grass is.
Because of my annual involvement in a silly contest I’ve yet to cut my grass. It looks like the backdrop from one of those safari nature shows. A hundred-head herd of bison could graze there and never go hungry.
Every year me and my buddy Paul see
Think growing grass in Colorado is controversial? You ought to stop by my house where the people aren’t high, but the grass is.
Because of my annual involvement in a silly contest I’ve yet to cut my grass. It looks like the backdrop from one of those safari nature shows. A hundred-head herd of bison could graze there and never go hungry.
Every year me and my buddy Paul see
May 14, 2014
Chasing Facebook "likes" on Z-Berg's B-Day
( 785 words)
Mick Jagger sings the words “I like it” 40 times during the 5 minutes and 6 second song, “It’s Only Rock ’n’ Roll (but I like it).”
If I could get Jagger to like this post on Facebook it would be the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me.
Today is Mark Zuckerberg’s 29th birthday and a good time to consider how Facebook likes have become the new currency of cool. It’s
Mick Jagger sings the words “I like it” 40 times during the 5 minutes and 6 second song, “It’s Only Rock ’n’ Roll (but I like it).”
If I could get Jagger to like this post on Facebook it would be the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me.
Today is Mark Zuckerberg’s 29th birthday and a good time to consider how Facebook likes have become the new currency of cool. It’s
May 13, 2014
After 15 years, turning the page on golf calendars
(1,324 words)
News that hunky golf star Adam Scott got married broke this week and I didn’t care.
This signals a big change in my behavior from the years 1998 through 2013, a span when I’d have been sure to learn all I could about the bride, the florists, the menu, the guests and if the groom said anything cutesy-pie during the vows.
And I’d have written it all up in sparkling
News that hunky golf star Adam Scott got married broke this week and I didn’t care.
This signals a big change in my behavior from the years 1998 through 2013, a span when I’d have been sure to learn all I could about the bride, the florists, the menu, the guests and if the groom said anything cutesy-pie during the vows.
And I’d have written it all up in sparkling
May 12, 2014
I'm accused of lying about my credentials
(748 words)
The invitation to the most important speaking engagement I’d booked this year was withdrawn as a result of scandal. The organization, which said I’d be addressing about 80 attendees, accused me of lying about my credentials.
I was incredulous. Me? Lie?
Why, I haven’t told a real whopper that didn’t involve me trying to get laid since, gee, late 2013.
This story has —
The invitation to the most important speaking engagement I’d booked this year was withdrawn as a result of scandal. The organization, which said I’d be addressing about 80 attendees, accused me of lying about my credentials.
I was incredulous. Me? Lie?
Why, I haven’t told a real whopper that didn’t involve me trying to get laid since, gee, late 2013.
This story has —
May 11, 2014
Sunday Re-Run: A son's Mother's Day lament
Happy Mother’s Day! I’ve written so much about my Mom in the past four years. She’s still cheerful, but diminished. The situation leaves me feeling alternately sad and exasperated. The good memories have to struggle to cram their way in there. Here are a few of them . . .
(717 words)
The woman sounded alarmed. She called to tell me she thinks Mom, 81, is really slipping.
“She asked me
(717 words)
The woman sounded alarmed. She called to tell me she thinks Mom, 81, is really slipping.
“She asked me
May 9, 2014
Coming clean on reduced shower movement
(799 words)
Many readers by now know I’m something of a grooming minimalist. I’m casual about shaving, rarely visit the barber and think the world would be better off if no one looked in a morning mirror until everyone’s had at least three good blasts of booze.
So you’d think I’d be on board with the fewer-showers movement that’s making news by saying daily showers are unnecessary and
Many readers by now know I’m something of a grooming minimalist. I’m casual about shaving, rarely visit the barber and think the world would be better off if no one looked in a morning mirror until everyone’s had at least three good blasts of booze.
So you’d think I’d be on board with the fewer-showers movement that’s making news by saying daily showers are unnecessary and
May 6, 2014
Daughter, 7, says God is dead; Is Elton to blame?
(659 words)
Our daughter Lucy, 7, and I were enjoying some afternoon ice cream, which for her was the perfect time to express her heartfelt blasphemies.
“It’s a good thing God is dead or He’d probably be doing a lot of bragging,” she said.
I asked what she meant.
“Well, He’d be like, ‘I created this. I created that.’ He’d really be pretty full of Himself.”
I think she was
Our daughter Lucy, 7, and I were enjoying some afternoon ice cream, which for her was the perfect time to express her heartfelt blasphemies.
“It’s a good thing God is dead or He’d probably be doing a lot of bragging,” she said.
I asked what she meant.
“Well, He’d be like, ‘I created this. I created that.’ He’d really be pretty full of Himself.”
I think she was
