Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 18

8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 4}

*This is Part 4 of our series on Keys To Keeping Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart. You can read Part 1 HERE, Part 2 HERE. and Part 3 HERE.

7.   Have girlfriends.

Recently I joined ten other gals for a surprise slumber party for my friend Sue’s birthday. We did skits, we cooked, we laughed, we talked and talked. It was thoroughly invigorating. All that estrogen would have exhausted any man! Yet for us, it was pure encouragement.

Women need women. It makes us better wives.

Why?

Women understand one another.

When my kids were little, I quickly learned that I needed to be in a small group with other mothers of young children. It was all too easy for me to expect my husband to understand why I was feeling down from a long day of changing diapers, wiping noses, and breaking up sibling fights.

But sometimes he just couldn’t seem to understand or to appreciate me. I finalized realized that it was unrealistic to expect him to! He’s not a woman! What we need are other young moms who can say, “I know just how you feel.

Continue reading 8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 4} at Club31Women.com

3 Ways to Bring Rest to Your Spouse Today

Today’s guests are Patrick & Ruth Schwenk.

When we take a road trip, we almost always judge pit stops by whether or not there is a Starbucks. It’s the perfect combination. We refuel the car and refuel ourselves with caffeine (which inevitably leads to additional rest stops for, shall we say, relief).

Major highways and especially interstates always tell us well in advance how many miles we have left before we reach the next rest stop or exit. These signs let us pace ourselves, telling us when and where to go…before it’s too late!

The truth is, as families we could use some of those designated “rest stops” in our everyday lives.

Consequently, parenting doesn’t come with rest areas or signs that direct us to refueling stops.

However, God designed the job of parenting to come with an intimate partner who joins us on the journey, who watches our back and protects us from running on empty. We can help one another take that next rest stop. We can help provide the fuel our spouse really needs.

Here are 3 specific ways we can bring rest and relief to each other.

Continue reading 3 Ways to Bring Rest to Your Spouse Today at Club31Women.com

How to Have A Good Fight with Your Husband

I went from peaceful to an ugly kind of angry in under 30 seconds. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The coffee had just dripped into the pot, and I was getting ready to pour myself a large mug full.

Then, my plan was to snuggle under a blanket on the couch and spend some time reading my Bible and praying.

That’s when the preacher came downstairs, obviously upset, and said there had been a mixup in communication, and we were going to have to leave a half an hour earlier.

I exploded.

“I don’t see why we have to leave early, just because they didn’t communicate well!” I said. Then I set down the full cup of coffee I had just poured and went, in full pout, to get in the shower.

(In truth, I had plenty of time to drink the coffee, but my inner three-year-old wanted to be

The mature, God-fearing side of me stood back in horror. “What in the world was THAT!” I said to myself.

A bloody internal battle ensued, as I stood in the shower.

I had been spending a lot of time thinking about a verse from the Bible recently, and here was a real-life opportunity to apply the truth of it:

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?

Continue reading How to Have A Good Fight with Your Husband at Club31Women.com

8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 3}

*This is Part 3 of our series on Keys To Keeping Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart. You can read Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.

5.   Take time away together.

Before we were married a wise couple challenged us, “Make a commitment now to go on a weekly date alone.” Do it for the rest of your life. We took their advice, and it has made a big difference in our marriage, especially when the children began to come along.

It hasn’t always been an evening. Sometimes it’s been breakfast, or when the kids were in school, a luncheon. And we haven’t made it every week. Yes, emergencies come up but throughout our marriage, we’ve made it 60% of the time.

If we hadn’t put it on the calendar every week, it would have been much less.

When our kids were young, we use to trade babysitting with another couple twice a year for a weekend getaway. We kept their kids; then they kept ours. Once we had five kids, it was harder to find anyone who wanted to trade!

But I learned the value of a few nights away alone to nurture our marriage.

Continue reading 8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 3} at Club31Women.com

3 Essential Qualities To Build a Successful Marriage

I have known more broken marriages amongst my friends than I ever expected.  Digging deep into the issues, the root cause is always selfish desires, in one form or another. It’s our own selfish desires that tend to wreck a communion we entered into with vows to care for and love another person.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? James 4:1 (ESV – emphasis mine)

We can easily become clouded by our own needs, wants, or desires. No one is free of this temptation. We can also dwell on all the things our husband is doing wrong while what we see in ourselves is all the things we’re doing right.

A marriage cannot survive when we think only of ourselves.  We need to recognize that to love someone is a choice, not a feeling. But it’s also a biblical command.

My husband and I have our share of challenges in our marriage, but we don’t allow them to steer our entire relationship. We don’t let our differences define our relationship.

Continue reading 3 Essential Qualities To Build a Successful Marriage at Club31Women.com

A Small Caution About Wishing Your Kids Would Be More Like You

I’m not sure when I first faced the reality.

But I think it was when I saw how content she was sitting in the middle of a mud puddle. Right up to her neck. Soaking in the warm, wet dirt and letting it sink clear down into her soul.

Her happy place.

My nightmare.

You will never see me joyfully splashing in mud.  As in, not ever.

I don’t do dirt,  mud, wind, or rain.

Yet my daughter appeared as if she couldn’t imagine being anywhere nicer.

And I think the light went on at that very messy moment.

We are different. She and me.

And suddenly I found I had a decision to make.

I could try to make her mine. Mold her into my ways.

Or I could embrace the girl that God made instead.

This is a choice every parent must make at some point in raising their kids.

Do I accept my child and the unique way each is made?

Continue reading A Small Caution About Wishing Your Kids Would Be More Like You at Club31Women.com

8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 2}

*In Part 1, we talked about 1) The Tendency to Drift and 2) How Not to Blame. We’re continuing with Part 2 with a couple more critical “keys” to help us keep our kids from pulling us apart…..

3.   Recognize the enemy

Our issue may be something simple like communication.But sometimes we seem to go after one another without thinking, and we say and do things we later regret.

It is important to recognize that we do have an enemy, and it’s not our husband.

It’s Satan. Either we don’t take him seriously enough, or we focus on him too much. Realize that he is real, and he would love to destroy our marriages. He is also subtle, and too often we don’t recognize his ways.

Perhaps you’d had a bad day dealing with a difficult teen. You are tired, frustrated, and feel like a failure. Your husband comes in and you immediately jump on him. Soon you find yourselves in an argument that seems to have come out of nowhere.

It’s time to call a halt and recognize that the enemy is trying to get a foothold.

Continue reading 8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 2} at Club31Women.com

8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 1}

When I heard the front door open and his briefcase plop down on the floor . . .

I knew I should put the spaghetti sauce aside and go give him a big “welcome home” hug.

I could already hear the kids shouting, “Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home.”

But I just didn’t feel like it.

I was tired, bone tired.

Tired of being cooped up with five little kids (ages 2 to 9) all day.

Tired of his breezing in for dinner and out again to another meeting and leaving me to get five kids into bed.

And I was frustrated at our lack of communication.

It seemed like we were just passing in the night. Our conversation had resorted to the functional – what a particular child had done, who was going to pick up the dry cleaning, and “Oh, did you call your mother?”

We weren’t sharing they way we used to before life got so crazy with the kids. We just didn’t have time or energy. I felt resentful. I seemed to be drifting apart from him, and it scared me.

Continue reading 8 Keys to Help Keep Our Kids from Pulling Us Apart {Part 1} at Club31Women.com

12 Powerful Verses to Pray Over Our Children {with free printable}

I would never have guessed what parenting would do for my prayer life.

My pre-conceived notion was that parenting was about making peanut butter sandwiches and tucking kids into bed at night. About kissing boo-boos and reminding them to close the front door. And mostly about being kind to others and learning to love God.

About loving, correcting, supporting, cheering, and then loving them some more.

But I can see now that parenting is also a whole lot about prayer.

And for a while there I thought it was just me. You know, like I wasn’t doing enough right or I wasn’t quite enough or…..something.

That I found myself so often throwing myself down on my knees. Calling out to God.

With a heart-cry to keep our kids safe – and hopefully thriving-  in this world we find ourselves living in.

But I was recently talking with a dear friend of mine who also happens to be a seasoned parent—and a really good parent too.

She mentioned to me that she relies more on prayer now than ever before.

Continue reading 12 Powerful Verses to Pray Over Our Children {with free printable} at Club31Women.com

One of My Greatest Secrets to Wedded Bliss

It was a pretty good fight.

Started with him leaning over me, to look at the clock. I looked, too, and it read six a.m. He sat up, until his feet hit the floor.

“Where are you going?” I barked.

“To make coffee,” he said, as his hand wrapped around the bedroom doorknob.

“No!” I yelled. Jumping up, I ran to the door and grabbed his arm. “I’m making the coffee.”

“I can make the coffee,” he said. “You should read your Bible more. I’m supposed to serve you in love.”

“Help meet,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

“Help meeeet!” I said, gently pulling his arm, until he caved in and crawled back in bed.

That is how I won.

We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, so I’ve been reflective about why we’re so happy.

I’d like to bottle that happiness and sell it to you, if it could only be that easy. Then your house could be mostly full of laughter and stolen kisses in the kitchen.

However, I have been able to pinpoint one biblical truth that has contributed to our marriage satisfaction, so here ya go.

Continue reading One of My Greatest Secrets to Wedded Bliss at Club31Women.com