Laura Bennet's Blog, page 23

What Triggers You?

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No, I’m not talking about guns.

(But fun picture, isn’t it?)

Milan and Kay Yerkovich define a trigger as

…a strong reactive feeling about something that is happening in the present, a feeling turbocharged by a hurt in the past.”

Ever have one of those?

Yeah, I thought so.

It took me years to understand that when my reactions to situations or people were far greater or stronger than the setting warranted, it meant that some hurt or trauma from my past was amplifying my current emotions. I did learn to recognize the pattern, and it has helped me navigate my life better. But today, I discovered through reading How We Love, that ANYTHING can be a trigger.

Anything?

Apparently, and it makes sense why communication in relationships can spiral out of control so quickly and easily. If the tone of someone’s voice, or their opinion, attitude or behavior can trigger an unexpected, agitating reaction in me, then I can become defensive or angry at the other person whether they said or did something good or bad in that moment.

Even my sincere, valid emotions can trigger another person.

Wow. I had no idea.

Perhaps because of what that person has suffered and not fully dealt with in the past, my comment or start of a conversation that to me is neutral, or my sharing a feeling about something that occurred during the day or my tone of voice because of that situation can cause the other person to react negatively.

I probably wonder why they are reacting and may take it personally. After all, if I don’t know what is happening for them, and don’t know to ask, it seems reasonable that their response is directly related to me.

So I respond in a defensive manner.

They do likewise. I react back. See how that happens? We’ve now set a pattern of communication which is not desired, nor intended, but spins out of control leaving both parties shaking their heads in confusion, hurt and disbelief.

Crazy, huh?

Well, the good news is if we are aware of triggers in ourselves and others, we can deal with our past and have grace for the other person’s stuff. Maybe we can even help each other by using the following practical tools to build rather than destroy our relationship.

Take a deep breath.
Settle yourself. Take a brief time out if necessary.
Ask yourself three things:

When have I felt this way in the past? Who was I with? What soul words describe my reaction? What would I like to say to that person (in the past)?

See, that wasn’t too hard, was it?

Okay, so it’s not always easy, and it can be painful. But the benefits to removing triggers by dealing with these issues is two-fold. We become healed and stronger, and we develop healthier relationships.

But there’s also a third benefit.

If we share those feelings with our spouse, and willingly listen to them share with us, we’ll build trust and a stronger, more intimate bond with them.

That’s a win-win.

I credit the Yerkovich’s with all these insights. I’ve been sharing what I’m learning from their book, How We Love. The great thing is that our church has been presenting a series on marriage called, A Love that Lasts. Our pastor’s teaching lines up with this as well.

I don’t believe that is coincidental.

As our pastor, Matt Keller, has shared (and I agree) we have an enemy who is out to destroy every marriage. Marriage is the foundation of community. There is a power in family that can’t be denied. That’s because the union between a man and woman was created by God as a picture of his relationship through Jesus Christ with his bride, the church.

Satan hates us and anything that displays God’s love for us.

So if you thought even for a moment that the enemy I mentioned in the earlier paragraph is your spouse, think again. Our enemy is Satan. But oh, how he’ll use each of us to hurt the other one if we let him.

But our spouse isn’t the enemy.

I for one am going to work hard to remember that, to deal with the triggers in my life and be open to the probability that triggers cause grief for my spouse as well. And other people with whom I interact.

Maybe that’s why God has grace for us, and asks us to love others the same way.

I’ve linked a number of resources in this post. I’d love to know in the comments below if you find any of them helpful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Are You Angry?

[image error]Anger is a secondary emotion.

That what the workbook I use to lead women through a study on relationships says. The truth of that statement recently catapulted me into a season of discovering the source of my anger.

And that what feels like anger isn’t always…well, anger.

The inexplicable rage that builds like a volcano preparing to erupt feels like anger. Looks like anger when I give full vent to it with slamming, flinging or throwing (which only a fool does according to the Bible – good job, Laura). Sounds like anger to my spouse and children…

But surprisingly, is actually not anger.

Well, it is in part. The past part. The little kid who got hurt instead of protected, ignored instead of forgiven or lashed at without warning. That little kid’s feelings of fear, confusion, being unloved or unimportant turned to anger.

Anger at self – nothing is your parent’s fault when you’re a kid. Or anger at the person hurting you but stuffed away – since nothing can possibly be your parent’s fault when you’re the kid. Anger becomes a defense.

Stop hurting me!

Rebellion, tantrums and angry outbursts are often a sign of fear, anger, confusion or other emotions when a child’s world isn’t right.

During my current season of delving into my emotions and learning what it means to control them well (not stuff, ignore or minimize), I jotted down a list of feelings I experienced in regard to a recent event. (I had the help of a list to look at. You can find the list of “Soul Words” at www.howwelove.com)

Initially, anger surged through me.

I wanted to react in anger. Instead, I took a deep breath. (Remember that count to 10 thing? Not a bad idea.) I managed to keep self-control, speak calmly and cry later, asking God what I was really feeling. Here are the emotions I listed that described how I felt:

betrayed, worried, unloved, shocked, hated, injured, beaten down, tired, unwanted, cut off, crushed, grieved, heavy, bewildered, misunderstood, let down, distrustful, unimportant and disregarded

Notice anything?

Yep. Not ONE word of anger. But truly, each of these words really described my feelings. When I read through the list of words describing anger, none of them resounded with me. Go figure.

Fascinating.

This opened up new insight about myself, my emotions and the way I respond to situations. If I allow anger to be the go-to reaction, I miss out on understanding my true feelings and communicating them to others.

Not helpful.

Not only that, but when I don’t deal with the actual feelings, anger spins around like a tornado in my heart and mind. When I try to squelch it because I don’t want it’s destruction, I end up feeling depressed and aimless. (An indication something deeper is going on.)

In addition, my outbursts of frustration hurt those I love, making them defensive. And how can they respond well to me if I am “always angry” at them? Instead, if I share accurate emotions, I invite understanding and intimacy.

Maybe even compassion.

So, here are some practical steps I’m learning to implement to get a handle on anger:

Every time I feel “anger”, ask myself what I am REALLY feeling.
Share those feelings in a journal, with a trusted friend and/or with God. I do all three in the reverse order: God, journal, friend.
Ask myself when I felt those same or similar feelings as a child – usually where it started, but now is being triggered by a similar interaction or experience.
Grieve over the past situation. Cry, pray, journal. Let myself feel.
Forgive anyone that caused past hurts. Looking at the past isn’t to blame, it is for us to acknowledge so we can grieve, forgive and move forward in life.
If I displayed anger in an inappropriate way to someone, I need to apologize and ask for their forgiveness. (God’s too.)
Share with the person involved my true feelings. If necessary, do this with a third party like a counselor or pastor. Sometimes defenses created by our previous anger may require additional outside help to work through and heal.
Move forward. Let go of the situation.
Repeat as needed. Years of these patterns aren’t changed in one time.
Have grace for myself as I establish new patterns.

The Bible says that we can be transformed by the renewing of our mind. (Romans 12:2) As we analyze the way we’ve thought and the emotions established due to past pain, we can be changed and healed. Not simply by “trying harder” not to get mad, but by examining our true feelings and submitting them to our loving heavenly Father.

Here’s to the journey ahead!

I’d love to partner with you in prayer as you address your anger. Please let me know how I can pray in the comments below.

 

 

 

Feel Like Your Life is in the Gutter?

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Ever question the choices you make?

Do you wonder why you act the way you do? Or react in certain ways? Do you find yourself in the middle of a road rage moment, a fight with your spouse or yelling at your best friend and question how you got there?

Like, what just happened?

I’m discovering that most of us have. And while it’s bewildering to experience those situations, it’s even more surprising to learn what causes them. Not just that we’re sinful creatures or lacking self-control, although those certainly explain a lot.

The underlying secret is imprints.

So, what’s an imprint you say? I’m glad you asked. An imprint is an impression or a groove in your soul created by prolonged or traumatic experiences in childhood. Especially during those “formative” years.

Imagine pushing your hand into wet cement.

After it dries, the cement hardens with your hand print forever imprinted in it. Or think about cars (or wagons in the old days) driving through mud on the the same road. Eventually the traffic forms a rut.

Our impressionable young lives take on imprints.

All parents do the best they can with what they have. Some do better or worse than others. But let’s say you had a parent who showed great affection and enthusiasm only when you did well in sports or brought home good grades. You subconsciously become a performer for love and attention.

Or suppose you suffered some kind of abuse, lost a parent or sibling, survived cancer or saw your father beat your mother. Perhaps your parents were addicted to drugs, sex or alcohol. To survive trauma and constantly stressful situations, children adapt the way they relate to compensate for something they can’t handle.

Imprints.

The rough part is that if we don’t know this (few people do) and never deal with whatever issues caused these impressions on us, we will act and react in the same unhealthy ways as adults without even being aware of it. And we’ll hurt ourselves and others including our children in the process.

This is why I’m so thankful for  a book I mentioned a few months ago called How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan & Kay Yerkovich. They set out to figure out why, when they both loved each other, they couldn’t seem to make their marriage work.

But this book isn’t only for married couples.

Everyone can benefit. I read a lot of various books, but no book has helped me like this one in dealing with the bottom line issues of my soul. (Okay, besides the Bible.) I’ve been to counseling over the years. I talk a lot about my feelings and questions, and I thought I’d figured most of it out.

Now I understand the depth of the even the little things.

Why I react the way I do in certain situations. How I think about other people and why. The way I use anger as a defense, and an explanation for why I can suddenly explode in rage at times when I’m a generally optimistic, happy person. Why I’m afraid to speak truthfully to some people, and why saying “no” used to be so difficult.

I can’t tell you all of it here.

Go to www.howwelove.com and take the quiz. Find out your “love style.” Order the book on their website. Read it alone, with a spouse, a friend or in a group and work through the workbook in the back. Take your time. Cry, pray and keep pressing through it. God will use it to reveal your pain and bring you healing and freedom.

You will not be sorry.

Disclaimer: I did not receive anything for this. I don’t get paid anything for promoting or if you buy the book. The authors have never heard of me. These opinions are based on my own gratitude and excitement. I wish I could offer a money back guarantee.

What’s your style…if you feel courageous enough to share?

 

Why Getting Help is So Important

[image error]I wish everyone would stop hiding and seek help for their issues.
There. I’ve said it.

I’m not as hardhearted as that may sound. It’s voiced from a place of compassionate frustration because I know the freedom available. I’m living it. The women in the small groups I lead experience it. My heart breaks in pain to watch people continue to struggle because of denial, minimizing and fear.

I get it.

It’s painful and scary and hard work. I’ve been there. It feels like you’re going to fall apart and lose yourself. There’s a gap between the broken place you are at and the healed place you’re going to so it takes a leap of faith to let go of one to grab the other, and that leap feels as if you will plummet to your emotional death.

BUT if we can take one little step at a time, like Indiana Jones walking over the precipice with invisible steps (you know the scene I’m talking about?), God will put a step right out in front of us to keep going. A lamp to our feet and light to our path deal.

A blogger friend, Sarah, who I met a few years ago has struggled big time with some debilitating issues in her life. But I’m so happy to offer a post of hers (with permission of course) here today from her new blog. One that is dedicated to helping others learn to care for themselves.

Because she has taken leaps of faith to persevere and allow God to heal, grow and deliver her, she is now able to share what she’s learned. I’m so proud of her.

She addresses this situation very well in the following post:

REAL TALK

Alright, I’m just going to dive right in with the blunt honesty part.  Here we go.

You can’t help yourself unless you accept that you need help.

It’s that simple.

If you aren’t able to acknowledge that something needs addressing then you can forget about making any progress in that area.  Ignoring a problem won’t make it go away, and usually, it only perpetuates the situation.  There’s nothing weak about admitting you need help.  And there’s nothing out there saying that if you do need help with something that you need to broadcast it to the whole world. But that being said, it’s so integral to talk someone about what you’re going through, be it a counselor, friend or family member.

People need people.

There is absolutely no reason to be going through anything alone. I have discovered that the more I talk about my story, and my struggles with depression and anxiety and a host of other things, that I connect with people more. Chances are, whoever you’re sharing with can relate to you in one way or another. I live for the “me too!’s”. The more you share and choose to be vulnerable with others, the more courage it gives others to share and be vulnerable too. And suddenly the work you’re doing on yourself transcends you and sets off a wave of healing that engulfs those around you. How’s that for motivation? Sharing your story openly could be what it takes to give someone else that final push to seek help for whatever is going on in their life that they never felt they could talk about before.

I can’t stress it enough how much my friends and community have helped me with my mental health and processing trauma. If I didn’t have them I don’t know if I’d be here right now, to be honest. I’ll probably write an entire post on my community later, they are phenomenal.

There is no shame in acknowledging something is off or not working for you in your life and saying it out loud.  Start with admitting it to yourself.  When you’re ready, talk to a close person you trust like a friend or counselor, and if you think you need a psychiatrist then ask your family doctor to refer you to one.  It can’t hurt, and in Canada it’s free.

If you are waiting for permission to put your mental health first and foremost above everything else, then wait no longer, here it is:

PERMISSION!

It’s your responsibility to take care of your mental health.

There’s nothing selfish about it and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

And you’re worth it.  You deserve to be healthy.

Remember that.

You are not alone!

Catch more of Sarah’s blog here : Sarah’s Guide to Self Care

And if you haven’t seen or don’t remember Indy. Here you go:

How to Move Forward by Turning Around

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The other day on my way to an appointment, I completely missed the street I was supposed to turn on. I had been looking for it, but as I chatted with my passenger, I became distracted and drove right past my turn off.

A couple of miles down the road, an uneasiness rumbled in my stomach.

Could I have not seen the street?

I mentioned to my friend my confusion and the street I had been looking for. “Oh, it’s back there. Right after the bridge.”

No way.

How did I get so mixed up that I missed it?

Naturally, I turned around as soon as possible and went back to the place I made my mistake. Within minutes, I was heading the right direction, anxiety gone. From that point, my friend and I navigated to our destination.

The incident reminded me of repentance.

It’s a word most of us don’t like. We cringe and pull away from the idea of it maybe recalling a man yelling on a street corner about us going somewhere awful.

But the word actually means to turn back or turn around.

We can think of it as changing our mind. Not continuing to think the way we’ve been thinking.

Changing our direction.

Like in my story, a few things can get us headed in the wrong direction:

We may be easily distracted and get off track.
We may make a mistake in ignorance and miss the mark.
We may believe that our way is right or best even though we are wrong.

The good news is that God is faithful to help us discover our blunder by:

That uneasy feeling in our heart or mind – it alerts us to stop and check things.
Someone points out our mistake.
We end up stuck at a dead end or lost and confused.

When we see our dilemma, God offers help and relief not judgment. The quicker we are to acknowledge our mistake, and turn around, the sooner we will find peace. The correct road opens up, and we are moving forward in life again.

Here are some indications we are repentant people:

If we’re willing to say “I was wrong.”
If we’re willing to be corrected.
If we are horrified by what we have done – acknowledging the damage or potential hurt to God, ourselves and others who may be affected by our choice.
If we don’t get stuck in beating ourselves up. True repentance removes our sin and the guilt.
If we are willing to let go of our wrong conclusion and embrace truth in its place.
If we don’t presume that we’re simply misunderstood and can make others believe our misconception if we just keep telling them enough times.
If we are willing to accept consequences of our wrong choices.

God encourages us to make a U-turn.

He wants us to have a good journey and end up in good places. So much so that if we keep on the wrong path, he will allow the pressure of consequences to turn us away from something that will end up hurting us worse than the pain of the situation.

At one point in my life, I hated the idea of repentance.

Being wrong about anything brought shame, condemnation and meant awful things would happen to me so I determined at a young age that I simply couldn’t ever be wrong. Obviously that didn’t work out very well. All of us make mistakes for any number of reasons and denying that we do drags us into stuck dead-end roads in life. I confess it’s not always easy to change our mind and go a different way. But if we want to move forward in life, it’s a choice we must make.[image error]

This resource, Fruitful Repentance by Daniel Brown, is what helped change my thinking.

I guess that means it helped me repent.

 

Are You in a Season of Hope?

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This week’s post is featuring author, Sara Jane Jacobs, and her new book, Season of Hope.

The Bible has a lot to say about hope.

Our hope is in Jesus. When we hope in him, we won’t be disappointed. God gives us hope and has a future hope for us. When our character is built through trials, we develop hope. Our endurance is inspired by hope. All good, right?

But sometimes what we hope for takes longer than we expect.

As is the situation with Amanda and Tyler, the main characters in Season of Hope.  An answer to prayer begins their season of hope.

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Sara Jane Jacobs, has given us a sneak peak into her life as an author, the premise for this book and a little about her upcoming projects…

Do you work with an outline or just write?

I just write! I’m definitely a panster. When I first start a project, random scenes will pop into my head and I have no idea where they will end up in the story.

Can you tell us about your upcoming book?

The next book in the series, Season of Deception, starts at the very moment book one ends. A new character is introduced in book two, and Amanda moves to Paris. We get to check in on Tyler, too. There are a couple of BIG surprises, a visit back to Nathan’s mountain, and the people that annoy you and creep you out come back stronger than ever. That’s pretty much all I can tell without giving anything away! I’ll be sharing a synopsis on my website soon and start revealing a little more about the story as it gets closer to launch.

Is there anything in your book based on real life experiences or purely all imagination?

There are flashes of memories from my childhood laced throughout chapter one. Ha-ha, there is a conversation that Amanda has with Tyler about a cow, in the upcoming book that was based on an experience.

How did you come up with the title?

The “season” part of the title originated in what is now book two, which started out as the original manuscript. Amanda writes a note to Tyler, making a slight reference to a verse in the third chapter of Ecclesiastes and saying they will only be apart for a “season.” Obviously, she wasn’t counting on the “deception” part. When I had to come up with a title for book one, I felt Season of Hope was fitting, as the move Tyler and his mother make to Nathan’s mountain gives them opportunities for a better life.

What project are you working on now?

Book three which follows the story a couple of the characters from book two.

ABOUT THE BOOK:[image error]

When Amanda Jarvis prays that a special friend will move into the vacant house near her isolated mountain home, she isn’t upset when God sends a boy instead of a girl. But Amanda’s not the only one receiving unexpected answers to her prayers. After fleeing with his mother from an abusive father, Tyler Armstrong finds much-needed love and acceptance with Amanda’s family over the next ten years.

As high school graduation nears, Tyler is shocked when one carefree afternoon with Amanda churns up an inner turmoil he would have never imagined; he’s crushing on his best friend. And for the first time in his life he’s hiding a secret from Amanda. Convinced the timing is all wrong, Tyler pushes his feelings aside as he and Amanda prepare for the future. He will soon begin training to pursue his dream of becoming a Navy SEAL, while Amanda makes plans to spend the summer in Manhattan with her aunt and then return home to the community college.

When Amanda’s summer job catapults her into a modeling career, she readily accepts the much-needed distraction. Tyler’s impending deployment is turning her world upside down. Along with the fact that she’s falling for her best friend. And, for the first time in her relationship with Tyler, she’s hiding a secret, too.

Phoebe Garrison, Amanda’s controlling aunt, is thrilled when she is given the power to act on behalf of her underage niece. Bored with her Fortune 500 advertising agency, becoming Amanda’s manager is just what she’s been looking for to rekindle her aspirations. But as Tyler becomes aware of Phoebe’s obsession to push Amanda into supermodel status, tensions rise. As the three of them become entangled in a mass of concealed ambition and desire, each will make decisions that will send ripples of turbulence across their futures.

GET YOUR COPY HERE:

Amazon:  http://a.co/aDtFaUz

Barnes & Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-season-of-hope-sara-jane-jacobs/1125877392?ean=2940157214357

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/708666

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY BELOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK

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Enter to win the SEASON OF HOPE giveaway! One person will win the following items…

A copy of the DVD, Sabrina (featured in the book)
Costa Rican Tarrazu Dark Roast Coffee (a character’s favorite French Roast)
An eBook of Season of Hope

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

[image error]I began writing as a hobby while raising my two children. In 2015, I dusted off my stories and my dreams to see if I could turn my hobby into a career. My first story, Season of Hope, was inspired by summer vacations which always included a trip to Franklin, North Carolina, to visit family and explore The Smoky Mountains. When I’m not writing, I enjoy spending time with family. I love most any activity that involves being outdoors, especially camping, hiking and spontaneous excursions to splash in the ocean. I currently live along the Emerald Coast of Florida with my cat Selah and her delightful offspring, Colby, Jack and Tuesday.

AUTHOR CONTACT LINKS:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarajanej

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sarajanejacobs

Website: http://www.sarajanejacobs.com

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/jacobsjanesara

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/50289360-sara-jane-jacobs

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacobsjanesara

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpH25j4GdaoKDMXkOVNlxA

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June 26 – Truth to Shine

June 27 – ASC Book Reviews

June 28 – Meagan Davenport

June 29 – Linda Shenton Matchett

June 30 – Barbara Brutt

July 3 – Ink From an Earthen Vessel

July 4 – Faithfully Bookish

July 5 – A Real Writer’s Life

July 6 – Smiling Book Reviews

July 7 – Bookworm Mama

July 10 – Tell the World

July 11 – 2014 and Beyond

July 12 – Tammy Karasek

July 13 – Rebecca DeMarino

July 14 –  Julie Arduini

July 17 – Laura Bennet

July 18 – All Betts Are Off

July 19 – Rachel Scott McDaniel

July 20 – Rebecca Van Daniker

July 21 – Leslie L. Mckee

[image error]This blog tour was coordinated by A Latte of Literature Blog Tour Services. Find out more:

http://christiswrite.blogspot.com/p/life-literature-blog-tour-services-for.html

 

What We Don’t See

[image error]I’ve spent a bit of time gardening.

I’m not a pro, by any stretch, but I love being outdoors, basking in sunlight, tidying up my yard and giving plants a new home. And yes, I talk to God, plants and animals while I’m at it.

But mostly I listen.

God speaks to me outside in the garden. Maybe like he did with Adam and Eve in the beginning? Or the way Jesus spoke to his disciples as they traveled through the countryside, breaking off heads of wheat to eat along the way.

I’ve learned some solid truths in the garden. Here are a few:

There are seasons or cycles of growth.
Seeds are “dead” when you plant them, but they hold life.
We can’t see a root system, only the plant the roots support.

When we’re taking our life forward, we can apply these truths to our journey as well.

Each season has its purpose even if it looks like nothing is happening. When we plant a seed, we see dirt for a number of weeks. We keep watering, having faith the the seed will eventually push a little green shoot out from under the dirt. If we stopped watering then, that tiny seedling would die, but with care, the plant becomes larger until it grows enough to support flowers or fruit in the next season. Usually, as is the case with fruit, we may have to wait years while the plant develops before it is ready to produce fruit. In fall and then winter, many plants die or go dormant. We see dead branches, but new seeds drop to the ground in preparation for spring. Plants store up nutrients and rest for the coming growing season. What season is your life in right now?
We planted some lemon seeds from lemons we used. I didn’t expect them to grown, but I have two thriving plants now after a couple of years. What seemed dead to me, has brought forth life and I expect, eventually, good fruit. The Bible tells us that unless a grain of wheat dies, it can’t produce life. Maybe you have a dream that has died, or a relationship. Is it possible that God is still going to bring life from something that seems dead to you?
When I lived on the coast in California, I learned that the redwood forest has one huge root system all connected to each other. Who knew? Unless you study trees, how would you? We see the massive trees, but we don’t see the roots. Underneath the dark ground, a crucial part of the tree (or any plant) develops to sustain the growth above it. I recently read an amazing book, Rooted by Banning Liebscher, that gave me this new perspective on the behind-the-scenes work that God orchestrates in our lives. When we can’t understand why his promises or the visions he’s given us aren’t coming to life, perhaps it’s because he’s creating a root system to support them. Where do you see areas in your life that seem halted?

Moving ahead in life isn’t without detours, long waits in road construction lines or tragic accidents along the way.

Life happens.

But I choose to believe that God is at work even when I don’t see or understand. Even when dreams look dead to me or fruit hasn’t shown up yet. He promises that he has good for us, a future for us and that EVERYTHING will be used to bring us good.

How is your garden growing my friend?

 

Online Dating Popularity Update

According to current stats it seems online dating is here to stay!

Let’s compare this popular post from 5 years ago with these statistics from May of this year:

49.7 million people have tried online dating
17.5 million are on eHarmony.com
24.6 million are on Match.com
17% of marriages began online – this is the same as 5 years ago
71% of online daters believe in love at first site – WOW!
New stat – 10% of people who use online dating to meet people are sex offenders
According to eHarmony they are responsible for 4% (down 1% from 5 years back) of marriages from online dating – are other sites creating more matches??

If you’d like to read our story, you can get The Miracle of Us: Confessions of an Online Dater here.
Re-post:
It happened again.

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This time I was getting a pedicure and chatting with the lovely woman who attempted to produce something beautiful from my calloused, beach-combing feet. The conversation naturally turned to how we each met our husbands.

Her question prompted my response, “On an internet dating site,” and I grinned, waiting for the usual astonishment.

No way! You’re the third person that I’ve heard of.

I find I’m hearing that more often now. My husband and I know two other married couples who met on Christian Café. Online dating is quickly losing its stigma. Many folks are tired of the bar hopping want-to-go-to-my-place scene. They want more than one night; they long for something real, deeper and permanent.

According to 2012 statistics, internet dating is gaining popularity and producing lasting results.

Did you know that:

In 2007, 20 million people tried online dating; in 2012 40 million have jumped onboard
10% of 54 million singles use an online dating service
Of online daters, 52.4% are male; 47.6% are female
20% of current committed relationships started online
The average length of courtship leading to marriage for online daters is 18.5 months
17% of couples who married met on a dating site
According to eHarmony, their site is responsible for 5% of all US marriages

Is it the best option?

While opportunities for meeting the person of your dreams through work, school, and social activities may present themselves to the majority of society, many people find the internet dating situation a beneficial one. Learning a little about someone from a profile or being matched to a compatible suitor offers a dating advantage that supersedes a bar scene or the constant conscious effort to pay attention to every potential single who may be in the next aisle at the grocery store.

Yes, liars and potential dangers do exist online.

But I’ve seen or met some fairly sketchy characters on a college campus, in a restaurant and even at church. There are no guarantees that you won’t meet unscrupulous people on an internet dating site—just as you might anywhere. It’s certainly not the only option; it’s only one of many. [image error]But I’m awfully glad I tried it.

Do you know someone who has met online? What’s their story?
 
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A Father’s Heart

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Our earthly fathers teach us about the heart of our heavenly Father.

If they display kindness, patience, gentle instruction, and loving discipline we will view God’s heart towards us in that same way.

And if they are distant, demanding, angry or violent towards us, we will expect our heavenly father to be of that nature.

Dad’s have a huge responsibility.

A mother nurtures and cares for her children…

but a father sets the course of their entire spiritual journey.

That is no small task.

Thank goodness God fathers us first, always and last. Father’s have a heavenly father who shows them what a good father does.

He gives good gifts. (Matt. 7:11)
He disciplines those he loves as sons. (Prov. 3:12)
He is a helper to the fatherless. (Psalm 10:14)
He has compassion on his children. (Psalm 103:13)
He is consistent. (James 1:17)

So whether or not your father set the example well, God is and has always been our good father.

And for those fathers who have made it their intent to be good father’s to their children, you’ve given your children a greater foundation than you could ever imagine.

Well done. Thank you.

What are some things your father did to show you the character of God?

 

 

 

 

Are You a Victim?

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And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice…”  Jesus                                                                                               Luke 18:7-8

Have you ever been robbed?

I was once. Someone broke into my house and stole $600 from my bedroom. Even though I never saw the thief, a creepy sense of violation made being in the house and sleeping at night difficult.

Have you been betrayed?

Maybe a friend gossiped about you, or your spouse had an affair.

Have you lost a loved one because of murder, an accident or illness?

And what about assault? Many of us have been physically abused, molested or raped. Even verbal abuse is an assault. When we’re a victim, we can become stuck in a place of feeling the need for the wrong to be made right. The injustice to be rectified.

We seek – we need vindication.

Most people have had some kind of injustice visited upon them. But much of the time, vindication doesn’t come. Perpetrators rarely admit their crimes let alone apologize for them. Often, our hurt goes unanswered because we kept the offense to ourselves. Maybe we even blamed ourselves.

I was stuck there. Here are a few signs that you may be too:

Do you notice even the slightest of wrongs whether against you or not?
Are you hyper vigilant to point out when your family “messes up?”
Do you find yourself believing that your loved ones are trying to hurt you?
Do you take offense at mistakes as if you were the target?
Are you quick to assign blame?

Recently, I read the verse above. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time that I took to heart what Jesus was saying. I realized that my thoughts and action were often the result of feeling the need for vindication for the many areas I had been victimized in my past.

Jesus’s words finally sunk in.

He is the one who defends me. He will make it right in the end. At some point, those who have hurt me will be called to account. He WILL see justice done because I am his child who he loves.

He loves you too.

He sees our distress and pain. He knows the injustices we’ve suffered. He is not ignoring us. It may seem that he doesn’t care, but his timing is perfect. It is not for us to hold onto the injustices – that only hurts and hinders us.

When we allow his timing for vindication, we can be free to live. No longer will the weight of those moments hinder our lives.

We can let go.

Sometimes we need to talk about the hurt, pain or injustice in order to let it go into Jesus’s hands. I’m happy to listen in the comments below.