Caitlin Doughty's Blog, page 11
April 13, 2020
April 8, 2020
Covid-19 Toolkit
In these overwhelming times there is a lot of information being shared about funerals, burials, and death surrounding COVID-19. It can be difficult – if not paralyzing – figuring what information is accurate.
So to help you navigate the abundance of material online, we’ve created this COVID-19 Toolkit. Consider this your one-stop source for reliable and up-to-date facts and guidance on handling death, grief, and end of life planning under COVID-19.
In addition, we will be regularly updating the resources below, so you can trust that (to the best of our knowledge) the information presented here is accurate.
THE ORDER’S COVID-19 RESOURCES
Various articles, videos, and resources created by The Order of the Good Death in response to Covid-19
Burials & Funerals Under Covid-19
A FAQ about funeral care is a living document, updated with answers and information from official, trusted sources on a regular basis.
Ask a Mortician: Funerals in the Age of Coronavirus
Updates on the funeral industry response to coronavirus, what we know about the dead bodies, and what funerals may look like going forward.
Talking About Death During COVID-19
While the world seems precarious and mortality feels closer than ever, the simple question of “How are you doing?”, can feel loaded. The answer to that question might be, “Where do I begin?”
Funerals & Dying in Absentia: Inspiration & Tips During Covid-19
How can we honor a life in the absence of funeral? What can we do to show our love when we can’t be there to hold the hand of a dying loved one? How can we cultivate social and emotional connection without the benefit of being physically present?
Coming Soon: An article on death anxiety, a video, and an article on grief and mourning.
Body Care: Funerals, Burials, & Cremations
Are Covid-19 bodies dangerous? What if someone dies at home? How are funeral homes handling Covid-19 bodies? Answers to these question and more, regarding Covid-19 and death care.
Burials & Funerals Under Covid-19
These answers to FAQ about funeral care in the U.S. from The Order, is a living document, updated with answers and information from official, trusted sources on a regular basis.
Ask a Mortician: Funerals in the Age of Coronavirus (video)
Updates on the funeral industry response to coronavirus, what we know about the dead bodies, and what funerals may look like going forward.
Information and Directives From Trusted Sources:
1. The Center For Disease Control (U.S.)
Information for Funeral and Crematory Practitioners
Infection prevention and control for the safe management of a dead body in the context of Covid-19
3. Association of Anatomical Pathology Technology
Considerations related to the safe handling of bodies of deceased persons with suspected or confirmed COVID-19 (EU)
Perspectives on Infection Control in the Taharah Room
Recommendations and resources from Kavod v’Nichum and Gamliel Institute
Prayer and Funeral Issues Pertaining to Covid-19
Fiqh Council of North America has prepared the following guidelines for Muslim prayer and funerary rituals according to medical experts and the CDC.
Funeral & Burial Guidance in Languages Other Than English*:
* This information is from the New York City government. While it is good general information, please check with your local funeral homes and officials for specifics in your area.
General COVID-19 information in languages other than English
Center for Disease Control (U.S.)
CDC Resources in Languages Other Than English
Spanish
Enfermedad del coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19)
Chinese
Vietnamese
Korean
Home Funerals
Home Funeral Guides and Pandemic Care (video)
A webinar from the National Home Funeral Alliance on suggested guidelines for home funeral care that covers safe and appropriate body care, what to expect when filing paperwork, and more.
Dying and Caring For the Dying At Home
A pocket resource for folx caring for the dying and dead at home during the pandemic. Created by the Seattle based Sacred Passing: Death Midwifery & Community Death Care.
TALKING ABOUT DEATH
In addition to considerations about discussing the topic of death during Covid-19, now is a crucial time to be discussing death, end of life care, and funeral plans with our loved ones in supportive, compassionate, and effective ways.
Talking About Death During COVID-19
While the world seems precarious and mortality feels closer than ever, the simple question of “How are you doing?”, can feel loaded. The answer to that question might be, “Where do I begin?”
Talking About COVID-19 Without Being Ableist
While we are all struggling right now, it’s important to refrain from using ableist language as a coping mechanism. “It can be frustrating—and even triggering—to be constantly reminded that situations you live with every day are considered grim by others or that they’d be miserable if they were forced to share your reality.”
Everyone Deserves a Death Buddy: The Value of Death Positive Friendships
Everyone should have someone who you can share your curiosity and fears surrounding death with in a safe and relatively matter-of-fact manner.
Death Cafes are a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session. Check the Death cafe calendar to find online cafes you can participate in, or email Betsy Trapasso at betsy@betsytrapasso.com who is hosting ongoing cafes via Zoom.
The Importance of Talking About Death During the Covid-19 Pandemic
“Talking about death is ultimately talking about life — about who and what matters to us, and how we can live well even when we are dying. Rather than being motivated by fear and anxiety, we can open these discussions from a place of care and concern.”
We Can’t Be Squeamish About Death. We Need To Confront Our Worst Fears
Patients, their families, and their doctors need to be open about the inevitable as the virus sweeps through our population.
Coronavirus: Doctors Urge Conversations About Dying
Doctors are urging people to have a conversation about what they would want if they, or their loved ones, became seriously unwell with coronavirus.
Talking to Our Loved Ones About Death
Ask a Mortician: Overcoming DEATH DENIAL In Your Family (video)
Great tips on how to begin this important conversation and what to do when they change the subject.
Ask a Mortician: Talking to your Parents About Death (video)
Helpful advice on starting and maintaining conversations about death and end of life wishes.
12 Tough Questions To Ask Your Parents
As challenging as it may be to initiate the conversation such communication is key to helping ensure that your family’s wishes are clear now, not when you are in crisis, and it is too late.
This starter kit is a useful tool to help you have the conversation with a family member, friend, or other loved one about your – or their – wishes regarding end-of-life care. It is available in several languages.
Talking to Children
Ask a Mortician: Talk to Your Children About Death (video)
The importance of talking about death with children, and why it is never too early to start.
The Longest Shortest Time: Kids Ask About Death (podcast)
Answering questions from parents and children about death, as well as death positive parenting guidance from a former early childhood educator on age appropriate talk, with clear, specific examples.
Kid-Friendly Explanations About Death and Causes of Death
From The Sharing Place, a grief support organization for children provides these fact-based explanations to give your kids and teens, in lieu of confusing euphemisms like “Grandmas is just sleeping.”
Talking With Children About Coronavirus
Parents, family members, school staff, and other trusted adults can play an important role in helping children make sense of what they hear in a way that is honest, accurate, and minimizes anxiety or fear. CDC has created guidance to help adults have conversations with children about COVID-19 and ways they can avoid getting and spreading the disease.
Books About Death and Grief For Children and YA
In the Books section of our resource guide there are sections devoted to both children and young adults.
Planning and Protecting Your End of Life Wishes
Order of the Good Death’s Funeral and End of Life Planning Guide
Our guide answers your most FAQ – Everything from body donation, to deciding if cremation is right for you, to including beloved pets in your plans.
Ask A Mortician: Making Your Death Plan (video)
How to provide step by step directions for your loved ones on how you want your remains handled.
Death in the Afternoon: “Get Your Sh*t Together”(podcast)
Facing your mortality through piles of bureaucracy is about the least inspiring task on your to-do list. But paradoxically, these are the exact tasks that once you tackle them head on, put you on a one way train to chill town.
Taking action to ensure your end of life and death care wishes can be daunting, but we assure you that it can be done, and we’re here to help. We all have the right to have our ultimate wishes respected, but to ensure that they are, you’ll need to take action by creating your advance directive, appointing a health care proxy, and in some states, designating a funeral agent. We explain the process in three steps HERE. When you are ready to create your Advance Directive visit THIS page we created in collaboration with Cake, to download the documents you will need in your state of residence. We also have specific resources for trans and non-binary individuals HERE. With office closures and “social distancing” requirements, in-person meetings can shift to video platforms and/or telephone connections. Draft documents can be sent via email or U.S. Mail. Additional details HERE.
FUNERALS AND BEING WITH THE DYING IN THE AGE OF SOCIAL DISTANCING
Practical advice, tips, and inspiration, as well as information on locating financial assistance if needed.
Funerals & Dying in Absentia: Inspiration & Tips During Covid-19
How can we honor a life in the absence of funeral? What can we do to show our love when we can’t be there to hold the hand of a dying loved one? How can we cultivate social and emotional connection without the benefit of being physically present?
During Ebola outbreaks in 2014-2016 families had to come up with alternative solutions for death and mourning rituals that gave family members peace of mind.
Creative Rituals For Death In the Times Of COVID-19 (video)
A few ideas for touching the dying and dead, when you can’t even touch your own face.
Virtual Funerals During the Pandemic (video)
A tutorial on creating and hosting a virtual funeral, including providing a template for creating a virtual funeral program.
Netiquette Regarding Digital Legacies and Dealing with Death, Tragedy, and Grief
Grieving, memorializing, and providing support online, as well as best practices for sharing “bad news” or death notifications digitally.
Financial Assistance For Funerals & Ideas On How to Eliminate Unnecessary Costs
Financial Assistance For Funerals
Getting State Assistance For A Funeral Or Burial
Some states offer social assistance for those who cannot afford it. benefits and requirements vary widely from state to state.
Call 211 to be connected to a community resource specialist who can find community, health and disaster services in your area.
How Social Security Can Help You When a Family Member Dies
Family members may be eligible to receive a one-time payment of $225 from Social Security.
Faith Based Organizations
There are numerous faith-based organizations particularly for Muslim and Jewish burials that provide help to those in need, just use Google to locate. Many churches also provide help for their active members.
Comparing Prices Isn’t Disrespectful and It can save You Thousands
How to be your own advocate and save on funeral expenses.
Ask A Mortician: 3 Ways To Save On Funerals (video)
Three simple strategies that can save you thousands.
Why the Funeral Rule Is One Of the Least-Known Consumer Protection Laws in the Country
The Funeral Rule is intended to protect consumers at a time when they are grieving and emotionally vulnerable, making informed financial decisions difficult.
MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH
Advice on how to manage your own grief, death fears, and anxiety as well as ways you can help or companion others.
Death Anxiety
It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok : Chapter on Grief and Anxiety
For many, the coronavirus has caused a huge spike in their anxiety levels. If you’ve already lost someone, it’s easy to fall into an anxiety spiral about losing more people. In this chapter from her book, Megan Devine helps you navigate your anxiety (and understand how it intersects with your grief).
“As a child, confronting my mortality was terrifying. Now it is an opportunity.”
Ask A Mortician: Why Are You Afraid of Death? (video)
The best place to start facing down your fear of death is to define what it is about death that scares you.
Ask a Mortician: Confronting Your Death (video)
Tips for staring down your inevitable mortality.
The Grace in Dying Meditation series is for individuals seeking greater reverence for their life, as well as people who are experiencing anxiety around death and dying.
Coming Up This Week: A new article from The Order on Death Anxiety.
Grief and Mourning
That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief
“The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”
Taking Care of Your Mental Health During Coronavirus
Even if you have not been directly impacted by COVID-19, there is no question that this is impacting the mental health of many of us.
There Are No Five Stages Of Grief
It is time to dismiss this harmful and inaccurate myth about grief.
Ask a Mortician: Helping a Friend Through Grief (video)
It may be awkward, but that’s ok.
How Do You Help a Grieving Friend? (video)
It’s so hard to know what to do when your friends are hurting. The thing is, you can’t cheer someone up by telling them to look on the bright side, or by giving them advice. It just doesn’t work. Watch this video to learn the one thing that will improve all of your “I’m here for you” intentions, and be that supportive friend you most want to be
Netiquette Regarding Digital Legacies and Dealing with Death, Tragedy, and Grief
Grieving, memorializing, and providing support online, as well as best practices for sharing “bad news” or death notifications digitally.
Jewish Grief & Mourning During the Pandemic
How the pandemic will require changes in traditional burial, mourning and grief.
Grieving During Social Distancing For Teens
When it comes to teens and grief, peer support matters. Here’s how you can help.
National Alliance for Grieving Children
For many that offer grief support to children, teens and those that care for them there are many challenges as a result of the social distancing that is necessary in light of the global pandemic. Here are some helpful resources.
March 28, 2020
March 27, 2020
Funerals & Dying in Absentia: Inspiration & Tips During Covid-19
With restrictions on travel, gathering in groups, and the need to practice social distancing, the Center for Disease control and many statewide and city governments have recommended that funerals be livestreamed, and for families to hold services and memorials at a later date when the risk of Covid-19 has lessened. In the state of Washington funerals have already been prohibited, and restrictions on visitors at hospitals and hospices are making it harder to be with our dying loved ones in their final days.
So, what options do people have under the current conditions to create meaningful rituals and support one another as they honor both the life of the deceased and their own grief? How can we cultivate connection and provide support while being physically distant?
It may be a small comfort to remember that over the past couple decades you’ve likely already gained plenty of experience forging relationships, creating community, and providing support for others thanks to the internet and available technology. Over ten years ago I met some of my dearest friends online because of our mutual love of a TV series. Through the years we’ve maintained community, supported each other through difficult life changes, financial hardships, and deaths. Some of us have never met in person, but we’ve always found ways to make our love for each other and our presence felt without the benefit of shared physical space.
We can do this. We’ve been doing this.
Screenshot of Animal Crossing New Horizons, courtesy of Stefanie Grosekemper
Few online communities have done death at a distance more creatively or poignantly than gamers. You may remember a widely publicized story from 2016 when actress Carrie Fisher, who was famous for playing beloved Star Wars character Princess Leia died. Players of the video game Star Wars: The Old Republic created an avatar of Fisher’s character, and gamers from around the world came to pay their in game respects. Like many of us, Stefanie Groskemper, a member of our Patreon community, is using Animal Crossing New Horizons to cope with isolation and anxiety. She created “a little cemetery in the hills so I can visit my grandparents who are buried far away,” and generously offered to add grave markers for other members’ loved ones, creating a virtual community cemetery. Groskemper is even personalizing them with shells and favorite flowers.
You probably already have a wealth of ideas from your online relationships and communities, that can by modified in the coming weeks and months. Here are some of mine:
Create a virtual altar where people can leave messages, songs, photos of food offerings, videos of family and friends singing a song, reciting a prayer or poem, photos of flowers, or artwork. Creating a virtual space like this can be a source of comfort for years to come. People can return to leave offerings or messages on special days like birthdays, or when they are really missing their person. Seeing other people’s contributions can help others feel less alone in their grief.
Schedule a communal meal on a video platform like Zoom. You can use a recipe of theirs or create a menu based on their favorite foods. You can even get together virtually and have everyone cook the meal or dish “together.” Maybe Grandma is stuck in the hospital and you want to learn how to make one of her signature dishes? Have her coach you through FaceTime! You could also consider leaving a place setting out for your person, or “share” a meal with them on designated days of the week or month. If your culture or religion has sacred or traditional funerary foods be sure to include those if you can safely acquire the ingredients.
Make a playlist that people can contribute songs to. Be sure to provide some guidelines – do you want songs to play during a virtual service? (if so, be careful of licensing restrictions on platforms like Facebook and YouTube!) Songs that remind people of your loved one? Songs that you have special memories of together? Don’t forget to ask that contributors include some background information about their song choice as they often come with special stories or memories like: “Every Saturday Mom would get out the Fabuloso and put this song on!,” or “”When we were in college Marcus always sang this song at karaoke.”
You may not be able to bring someone a casserole right now, but you can still send them meals or care packages. Many restaurants may have been forced to shut down their dine-in service, but I’ve found quite a few that are offering grocery items like produce, eggs, flour, and this season’s most coveted item, toilet paper! You can also send a gift card for delivery services like Postmates.
From the Gender Spectrum Collection. Photos by Zackary Drucker
Host a watch, game, or listening party. The things we love often become a large part of our identity. We attend cons, collect merchandise, create fan art and fiction, and most of all create community around the things we love. With so many of us quarantined at home, you may have been participating in Netflix Watch Parties already, where people can watch a movie or series together online without being in the same room. You can watch their favorite movie, or a concert by their favorite artist together. You can do the same with certain games, or use Zoom, or Instagram to have dance or music listening get togethers. As for you musicians, you know what to do – have a virtual jam session in their honor or, write a song for them together.
Regular meet ups can be scheduled daily, or weekly, whatever works best for you. Create the space and fill it as best suits your needs, even if it’s just to check in with each other As an alternative you can also agree on a specific time of day for people to stop whatever they are doing offline to light a candle, read a special verse, pray, or just to think of the immediate family. Knowing their loss and grief are being acknowledged, held, and given space by a wider community, can help immediate family feel less alone.
Share and collect stories and photos of your loved one. If the virtual altar idea isn’t for you, you may want to consider something more private to share stories and photos. You can create a private Facebook Group and send invitations or a link to only selected people. In the group you can post discussion prompts or questions: How did you meet? Favorite memory? What did you learn from them? These can be collected and shared over a few weeks or a few months via email or a free newsletter service like Tinyletter. Think funeral program or memorial booklet, but make it virtual and ongoing.
Although many of us find comfort in and need to adhere to cultural or religious rites or observances, for others it can be helpful to consider detaching from the idea that you have to acknowledge the dead, or your grief in a certain way, or in a designated location, or on an assigned day of the year. Give yourself permission to reimagine things that will nourish you as an individual, family, and community. In addition to our culture, faith, and experiences of virtual community we can look to for inspiration, there’s another group of people who have been working in this realm, whose mission it is to create connection to the things that matter most and provide support in times of death – home funeral practitioners and death doulas. Death doulas or death midwives carry on the ancient practice of supporting individuals and their families through the dying process, with a focus on maintaining the best possible quality of life as it is coming to a close. Many death doulas also help with home death care and creating home funerals for families.
For advice, I turned to the two people I would trust with my (end of) life – because that’s what all this death talk is really about – life – Alua Arthur, death doula and founder of Going With Grace, and Lashanna Williams death doula and executive director of A Sacred Passing: Death Midwifery and Community Education.
“Interestingly enough, I already take a lot of my clients over the internet!,” Alua told me. “All of the approaches I use for the end of life are still present, minus touch, and there is greater opportunity for deep listening as it requires total attention to the words being spoken, and question asking, to ensure that it is understood properly.” She suggests, “Make phone calls. Make playlists. Make art. Write a letter. Send a card spritzed with your perfume on it. Send flowers. Record a message. Record a meditation. Record yourself telling a story of your day.”
Lashanna also reminds us to “Support the people who are physically caring for them in all the ways you can.” In my neighborhood here in Los Angeles, people are donating supplies and sewing masks to hospitals and hospice workers, sending them gift cards, and meals from local restaurants. In recent weeks people in cities all over the world have been gathering at their windows, on balconies, and from front yards at designated times to show their appreciation to health care workers with applause and cheers.
Another way to help both health care providers and death care professionals who are sacrificing their own lives to care for ours through this pandemic, is getting our end of life wishes down in writing. It can save them, yourself, and your family a lot of time and unnecessary pain and suffering. Lashanna reminds us that “helping them make arrangements that make them happy,” is also love and care in action.
From the Gender Spectrum Collection. Photos by Zackary Drucker
When it comes to forgoing a funeral or gathering together, Lashanna says, “If you are unable to be physically present for your loved ones, know that others are experiencing the same. Magic and ritual is everywhere, it all comes down to what matters to the individual. I just had a client who has chosen his green burial placement so that his feet are east, so he can see the sunrise. I’ll never see another sunrise without thinking of him and now his whole family has that forever.”
If being with the body and physically sharing space is not possible, “We can still gather, but not in the traditional sense of the word, obviously”, says Alua. “When using a virtual setting, it is useful to provide instructions for the participants prior to the service about what to expect and the things they can do to participate.” Here are some of her tips:
Any ritual can be adapted to mark the end of a life. Assess your current traditions – think Thanksgiving, Samhain, Sunday night bath and fac emask, whatever your personal rituals are -to see which elements work for you and why. Adjust it for the end of life.
Ground in the purpose–why are you doing this? What does “pay last respects” mean to you? What value do you personally find in holding a ritual for the end of life?
Bring in elements such as water (a bath, clean something significant, let rain wash over a significant item), fire (intentional candle lighting and extinguishing, smudging), earth (bury something significant), or air (focus on the breath), to the ritual.
You can carry over many of the same elements from a traditional funeral into a virtual funeral too, such as memorial videos, music playlists (be careful of using licensed music on Facebook and YouTube), create a program with eulogies, prayers, or a chance for mourners to share their own memories. “Your loved one’s death is no less significant by virtue of not being marked by traditional services. These can still be meaningful but you must choose to find value in it, “ said Alua.
From the Gender Spectrum Collection. Photos by Zackary Drucker
Because “the element of physicality is so important to our mourning and grieving, it’s useful to have something tangible to touch.” Alua suggests that you “gather items which remind you of the beloved and write the story of the items and the feeling generated when in proximity with them. In the online service, participants can share what items they chose and why. In private, you can identify which elements of that feeling are still available to you in the absence of the beloved to support in the grieving process.”
As difficult and heartbreaking as death is, especially under Covid-19, Alua provides us with this important observation, “We have an opportunity to shift our framework of end of life services and traditions.” May they be healing, fulfilling, and human centered.
Our physical presence may be restricted for now, but our imagination and the love we hold for each other is limitless.
Sarah Chavez is the executive director of The Order of the Good Death, co-host of the Death in the Afternoon podcast, and a founding member of the Collective For Radical Death Studies. As one of the founders of the Death Positive movement, she is passionate about addressing the underlying issues that adversely effect marginalized communities’ experiences of death. Sarah writes and speaks about a variety of subjects including the relationship between food and death, Mexican-American death history, feminist death, and decolonizing death rituals. You can follow her on Twitter .
If you enjoyed this piece, please consider supporting our work. Your contribution goes directly toward running The Order, including resources, research, paying our writers and staff, and funding more frequent content. We’d love to keep pushing the funerary envelope in 2018. Visit our Support Us page, for a variety of easy ways to contribute.
Funerals & Dying in Absentia: Inspiration & Tips During Covid-19
March 26, 2020
March 25, 2020
Talking About Death During COVID-19
How are you doing?
While the world seems precarious and mortality feels closer than ever, the simple question of “How are you doing?”, can feel loaded. The answer to that question might be, “Where do I begin?”
COVID-19 has us all thinking about the same thing: death.
Death in numbers, death in its potential, death as a threat. Death as something that has crept into the back of our minds and has taken up residence.
For many of us, even those who are accustomed to talking about death or consider themselves death positive, the topic of death might suddenly feel taboo. Too real. Too grim.
There’s a temptation to indulge in death phobia and death denial. With fear and uncertainty at a fever pitch, it’s absolutely understandable that people would want to soothe themselves by pretending death isn’t real for them.
However, we’ve seen over and over again that long term, lasting peace of mind comes from talking about death, voicing one’s concerns, and making plans for end of life – whether it’s yours or your loved one’s.
You may say to yourself, “When my friends and family are already scared and anxious, should I really be bringing up burials and funerals? Aren’t I going to scare them?”
You might, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
So to help you navigate death talk in the time of COVID-19, here are a few questions you may be asking yourself and some advice on how to handle them.
Is it OK to talk about death with my friends and family right now?
Yes! It is absolutely OK to talk with your friends and family about death right now.
Whether people realize it or not, death and mortality are fueling a lot of our behaviors – hoarding, lashing out, denial– and creating a lot of stress. Talking about death with the people you care about could be a very positive thing.
HOWEVER they have to be on board with it. Read the room. Choose your moment. Maybe don’t bring up ALL THE DEATH STUFF when your roommate has a pollen-induced coughing fit.
Getting people to talk about death is not always easy, especially during a pandemic. But unless they are open to the conversation, you coming at them with DEATH FACTS! might just shut them down.
These are fraught times, it’s important to recognize the mental calisthenics many people are having to endure just to keep their households running. Considering how to broach the death conversation is also a good time to check your privilege – your death concerns may not be the same as your loved one’s death concerns.
If your friends and family are open to talking about death, guide them, but let them drive the conversation. As someone who supports the death positive movement, you’re probably used to discussing death in ways that a lot of people are not. Right now, your loved ones may just need to voice their death fears – they might not be ready for your TED Talk on direct cremation.
Here are some questions to help make your loved ones feel more comfortable about opening up:
“Things are bizarre right now. I’ve personally been feeling a little anxious about death and mortality lately. How are you hanging in there?
“I’m always here for you if you want to talk about any anxieties you might have about death, illness, mortality, whatever – reach out whenever you want.”
“With all the information that’s being posted about COVID-19 and death lately, it’s hard to process it all, and it’s kind of scary. I know this isn’t the most FUN topic, but can we have a conversation about mortality?”
“I know what’s happening in the world is probably bringing up a lot of things about death that are not easy to think about. Could we talk about it?”
And perhaps the most important thing you can say to your loved ones when talking about death:
“When you’re ready to stop talking about this today, just let me know and we’ll change the subject or do something else.”
Death – if you’ve never really talked about it before – is a lot to process. Don’t short circuit someone’s brain the first time around!
It’s all about empowering your loved ones to feel like they have some control over the death conversation in a world that feels very much out of control. Empower them to ask questions but also to set boundaries. As counterintuitive as it may seem, feeling confident in the boundaries they set is key to pushing those boundaries (when they’re ready).
If your loved ones have a positive experience talking about death with you, one that is honest and affirming, they may very likely want to continue the conversation later.
Art by Jenny Morgan
Here are some Ask a Mortician videos that can get the conversation started too:
“Overcoming Death Denial in Your Family”
I consider myself death positive, but I’m feeling very anxious and afraid of death right now. I feel like I’m failing at death positivity – what can I do?
Congratulations warrior in the death positive movement! If you’re thinking, “I’m feeling very afraid of death right now” that is completely OK and healthy.
A+
Gold star.
You get a cookie.
Say it with us: There is nothing wrong with being afraid of death.
OK, we don’t want you to be afraid of death, but the fact that you have the wherewithal to acknowledge your fears means that you are being pretty darn death positive. Being afraid or anxious doesn’t make you any less death positive and it doesn’t make you any less capable of helping others. In fact, it may make you a more approachable or compassionate helper or advocate.
Being death “positive” doesn’t mean you always have to be cheerful about death or say positive things. The death positive movement is about discussing death whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or something in-between.
And remember, there is a distinct difference between FEAR of death and death PHOBIA. If you’re here, reading these words, you’re obviously engaging with your fears and working with them, rather than being avoidant. Huzzah!
We are all on a different death positive journey. We all have different backgrounds and experiences related to death, so OF COURSE we are all going to engage with death positivity differently. You might engage with the death conversation because of your fear or anxiety about mortality – if that’s you, you’re not alone! TRUST US.
Whatever gets you talking about death is valid and reasonable and we’re happy you’re here.
Here’s an article Caitlin wrote called “What Death Positive is Not”, in it she touches on how it’s A-OK to be afraid of death.
Here are more resources on approaching your fear of death.
How can I make my loved ones less afraid of death?
Short answer? You can’t.
Spoiler: death is scary.
Just like you can never make someone like tapioca pudding or make someone like Game of Thrones, fear of death is something that someone has to contend with on their own and on their own terms. (It took me years to come around to tapioca pudding. It took nibble after nibble to develop a taste for it. I can only stomach Game of Thrones in small bites. For some people, “nibbling” is how they approach death positivity).
What you can do is open up the conversation with your loved ones about death and death fears. You can be a sensitive, compassionate person to talk with about death; you can help them to voice their fears and in doing so, maybe diminish them.
Sometimes just being able to say out loud, “I am afraid of death because…” can relieve some fear. It’s like a releasing a pressure valve.
In these times when we are so unsure about public health and resources, you may not be able to assuage your loved ones death fears. Mortality fears, health fears, financial fears – ALL THE FEARS – are coming at them from every angle! But you can let them know that they are not alone, and that their fears are valid and rational and that death fears don’t make them weak or less capable.
Is this a good time to talk with my loved ones about Advance Directives?
Yes. But like talking about death in these tense times, you have to be willing to meet people halfway.
If you’ve been able to start the death positive conversation with your loved ones, bringing up a living will or Health Care Proxy might be a next step.
You could also bring it up by mentioning your own Advance Directive or death plans:
“With everything that’s going on, I looked over my living will the other day. I know it can seem morbid, but it really gave me peace of mind. Again, not trying to be grim, but if you’re interested in putting together your will, I’m here if you need me.”
“I know things are bonkers right now, but I’ve been updating my Advance Directive documents, and I trust you with my life…and end of life. Would you be willing to be my Health Care Proxy? I’d be happy to talk about what that means with you.”
“It was so much easier than I thought it would be to make my living will! I actually found it really comforting. Do you think that’s something you’d want to think about? We can do it together if you want?”
Maybe the person you’re talking to doesn’t want you directly involved with their Advance Directive. Instead, you could share with them some resources so that they can look things over on their own time, in their own space.
You could write them a message, with links to resources, that says something like, “Hey! These are those living will/Advance Directive resources I was talking about. SO MUCH less complicated than I expected. Take a look if you want!”
Here are some death plan and Advance Directive resources you can share:
Links and guidance on who and what you’ll need to plan for your end of life and funeral.
In collaboration with Cake, we’ve created a page with all the forms you’ll need to complete your Advance Directive — for each US state.
Approaching end of life plans for trans and non-binary people.
Lastly, take care of yourself.
Like the airplanes say, fasten your own oxygen mask before you assist others.
While we have a duty to look for those of us in our community right now – it’s the only way we will get through this crisis – don’t feel like you have to sacrifice your mental health being other people’s death positive midwife.
Even the most death positive among us are not immune to the stresses that abound right now. There’s a lot of death on our plates. It’s 100 percent alright if you need to step back for a bit.
Check in with yourself often. If talking about the death fears of others today is exacerbating your own death anxieties too much, don’t do it. Wait until you feel equipped to put yourself out there.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by responsibility or uncertainty – take “talking to Craig about death” off your list that day. Talk to Craig tomorrow or the next. He’ll be fine.
Or maybe you choose not to have that conversation. There are other ways to engage with death! Choose the way that best suits your talents and bandwidth. Maybe you create death art, maybe you write death poetry, maybe others find these pursuits helpful too? Include them in how you do death positivity.
So take care of yourselves and take care of each other. If you need to take a break to look at baby otter pictures, please do so. May I recommend this one:
Louise Hung is the producer & co-writer for “Ask a Mortician”. Along with writing and researching for the Order, you may remember her words from HuffPost, Time, xoJane, or your local NYC lit reading. Follow her on Twitter.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider supporting our work. Your contribution goes directly toward running The Order, including resources, research, paying our writers and staff, and funding more frequent content. We’d love to keep pushing the funerary envelope in 2020. Visit our Support Us page, for a variety of easy ways to contribute.
March 18, 2020
Burials & Funerals Under Covid-19
The spread of COVID-19 (popularly called coronavirus) has created alarm and fear across the world. We want to keep people informed and stem the spread of misinformation. This FAQ about funeral care will be a living document, updated with answers and information from official, trusted sources.
Q: Are bodies that die from Covid-19 infectious and dangerous postmortem?
Experts do not believe that the virus can be transmitted posthumously.
Remember that the COVID-19 virus is spread “primarily through respiratory droplets produced when an infected person coughs or sneezes. This type of spread is not a concern after death.”
There is currently no known risk associated with being in the same room with the body of someone who died of COVID-19.
Sources: Center for Disease Control, New York Times
Q: What about touching, shrouding, or washing a body that has died from Covid-19?
For many cultures and religions, direct care for the dead is vital.
Even though we believe bodies from COVID-19 are safe, it is “a new disease and we are still learning how it spreads.”
Because of this uncertainty, for the time being the CDC recommends that families, “work with their community cultural and religious leaders and funeral home staff on how to reduce their exposure as much as possible. At a minimum, people conducting these activities should wear disposable gloves.”
Sources: Center for Disease Control
Q: Am I at risk if I attend a funeral or visitation for someone who died of COVID-19?
Even though there is no known risk from the body, remember that close family members or friends of the deceased may be infected (even if they have no obvious symptoms).
The danger of attending funerals is the exact same danger currently found at coffee shops, bars, sporting events, etc. The danger is living humans in close proximity to one another.
The CDC originally said (March 16th) that funerals with 50 people or less may still take place, but further recommendations say to limit funeral gatherings to no more than 10 people.
Families should limit in-person attendees to immediate family and practice social distancing and hand sanitizing until further notice.
Sources: WhiteHouse.gov, Center for Disease Control, CDC x NFDA Facebook Live
Q: Is a Covid-19 body dangerous to embalmers or autopsy technicians?
Embalming is not necessary and will not make a COVID-19 body safer. However, this service has been deemed safe for the embalmer to perform and continues to be available if a family wishes it.
Embalmers need to make sure they follow Standard Precautions, wear Personal Protective Equipment and respiratory protection. The same goes for pathologists and autopsy technicians.
Q: Is it dangerous to cremate or bury a Covid-19 body?
No. Both methods are safe and in most countries it remains the family’s choice.
In some countries, such as Italy, the lack of funeral workers and available crematories has led to a backup of bodies needing cremation or burial.
If you need to wait to have a funeral service or disposition (cremation or burial), longer term refrigeration of the body or even embalming are potential options.
Sources: New York Times
Q: How are funeral homes handling decedents who died of COVID-19 and how are they preparing?
The CDC advises funeral home workers to “follow their routine infection prevention and control precautions when handling a decedent who died from COVID-19.” Bodies that need to be transported should follow Standard Precautions.
From conversations with our colleagues, we know that some funeral homes are adapting by being open longer hours, offering free or low-cost livestreaming of funeral services, holding multiple small capacity funeral services for individuals, and also suggesting that families hold services at a later date when the risk of COVID-19 has lessened.
Sources: Center for Disease Control
March 14, 2020
Trans Death Rights Are Human Rights
A lot of people say “We’re all equal in death” but the fact is, the disparities we experience in life often follow us into death (1). Transgender and gender non-conforming individuals carry the burden of questions about death that are often unique to their identities. A tenet of the Death Positive movement is about ensuring that each individual’s end of life wishes are honored regardless of gender, racial, sexual, or cultural identity. Just as trans rights are human rights, so must our rights in death extend to us all.
In an effort to help to allay some fears, provide you with information to better protect yourselves, and inspire those in death care to do everything they can to protect the dignity and final wishes of all their clients, I turned to Toni-King Rose, a mortuary science student and funeral professional, who founded Trans Death Care, an advocacy organization for transgender rights in death care services, that also provides support for trans people working in death care. Rose asked trans and non-binary colleagues and friends in the U.S. what their biggest end-of-life and death worries, concerns and questions were, and sent them on to me. For answers, I put my years of research skills as a museum curator and historian to work, and consulted numerous experts like lawyers, advocates, and funeral professionals.
How does one ensure their partner is power of attorney and executor of their will?
If married, a partner is recognized as the primary next of kin and all decision making will automatically fall to them. If this is not the case, then you will need to create and designate:
An Advance Directive – A document that outlines what your wishes for end of life care.
Designate a Health Care Proxy – Selecting a trusted person who can make decisions on your behalf.
Assign a Funeral Agent – The person entrusted with carrying out what you want done with your body and your funeral wishes.
I know that may sound overwhelming, but I promise you, it can be done, and The Order is here to help! We’ve partnered with Cake, to make this as accessible and simple for you as possible. Just click here to go to our resource page which explains all the steps. Then, when you’re ready, click on this link over on the Cake website to find your state and all the documents you will need.
Mount Auburn Cemetery, 2018, photo by Sarah Chavez.
Can you have a different name on your grave marker than your legal name if you haven’t legally been able to change it yet?
Many cemeteries in the U.S. are privately owned, which means they can make and set their own policies known as Cemetery Rules and Regulations- these are usually more concerned with size, type, and material of the headstone or grave marker than names. By and large this should not be an issue with most cemeteries, as people commonly use nicknames on their markers. Graveyards, or burial grounds associated with a religious organization or church, also have their own rules and regulations and may prove much trickier to navigate. When possible, ask the cemetery for a copy of their Rules and Regulations and be sure to ask questions if you are unclear.
Curious as to how a historic cemetery would handle this, I spoke to Corinne E. Elicone at Mount Auburn Cemetery in Boston, “If we had a trans/non-binary person come in to buy a plot from us, we would assure them that their dead name is not required to be on the stone if they haven’t changed their name legally.” Elicone added an important caveat to this, that whatever cemetery serves as your final resting place, their records will bear whatever name is on your official death certificate. “Meaning, if you were trying to search for someone and you came into our office to look at our records, you would find that the paperwork has the legal name of the person buried from their death certificate, even though their headstone might read differently.”
Can honorably discharged LGBTQ veterans be buried with a veteran ceremony and cemetery?
Yes. According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, LBGT veterans are eligible for funeral and burial benefits. These can be arranged through a funeral home if you choose to use one. Some states, like New York and Rhode Island recently passed laws to restore burial and other benefits to LGBTQ vets who were dishonorably discharged for their gender identity or sexual orientation.
Ezra Salter, a Funeral Director and Embalmer based in New Orleans says, “I have never had a military organization inquire about the sexual orientation of a veteran, and I would consider it incredibly inappropriate if they tried to do so.” Salter explains the common process for funeral homes, “We submit a request with documentation proving the veteran was honorably discharged (usually the DD2-14 form) and the military branch calls to confirm and sends a team out the day of the service. In my experience, they do not ever reach out to the family or look into the personal history of the veteran beyond confirming that they were discharged honorably and have not committed a capital crime.”
The process for acquiring space in a veteran cemetery is similar, but often requires the family of the decedent to sign papers. “I do not think the military would deny honors or a burial plot to a qualifying honorably discharged veteran regardless of gender identity, but the funeral director may need to submit additional documentation showing a proof of name change, so that the military can verify that the deceased person is the same person listed on the DD2-14,” said Salter.
As for spousal benefits, the VA will honor any same sex marriage even if the license and marriage was performed outside the veteran’s state of residence. There are also a number of benefits, like life insurance, or presentation of the flag, that service members can designate beneficiaries for “regardless of sexual orientation.” For more details on these visit the VA’s Benefits and Healthcare section.
Do any LGBTQ cemeteries exist (like ie. African American, veteran, catholic etc)?
You might be familiar with the headstone of veteran and activist Leonard “Mat” Matlovich, which does not bear his name but the following epitaph, “A Gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”
It sits in the historic Congressional Cemetery in Washington D.C., and was the catalyst for what is believed to be the only dedicated LGBTQ section in a cemetery, referred to as the “Gay Corner.” Visitors to the cemetery, which was one of only a few cemeteries to accept AIDS victims in the 1980s, can take a self guided tour of other notable LGBTQ persons interred there.
More recently in 2008, an LGBTQ rights organization in Denmark acquired 36 spots in Assistens, a cemetery in Cophenhagen, and in 2014 the very first cemetery exclusively for lesbians opened in Berlin. The Berlin cemetery was purchased by members of Safia, an organization for older lesbians who wanted to remain together, even in death. According to Safia member Astrid Osterland, “Death is a part of life; it’s about learning to live with it and accepting this. Lots of us don’t have families to be buried with. Instead, we want to lie with those we’ve fought alongside, loved, and lived with.”
A number of cemeteries and organizations like Queerly Departed, host historical tours of graves of notable LGBTQ persons, and the website Find a Grave features a virtual cemetery called Over the Rainbow, “dedicated to the memory of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender person who have touched our lives.”
Can I have a lawyer release my own pre-written obituary instead of relying on family/next of kin?
You can have a lawyer, a designated agent, or a trusted friend publish an obituary for you. One option many people find empowering is writing their own obituary or even creating their own memorial video. In some cities you can attend obituary writing workshops, like the one led by Sarah Farr of Death Positive DC.
Writing your own obituary not only gives you some control over your life’s narrative and identity, but others who have done it state that the experience was not only positive and therapeutic for them, but it can also be a thoughtful form of caregiving we can provide our loved ones. Here’s a bit more about the benefits and considerations on writing your own obit, from this 2018 article that ran in the NY Times, Write Your Own Obit.
Can you change the gender of someone on their death certificate if their ID hasn’t been changed but it was intended?
Unfortunately, the answer to this question is complicated to say the least. First, I consulted Emily Albrecht, an attorney in Seattle, WA who focuses on funeral industry law and mortuary litigation. She said, “The best answer I can give you would be: maybe, but probably not. Especially if the issue is contested by next of kin. Unless, for example, their birth certificate had already been changed. Which is another reason why it is so important for folks to plan ahead and take care of making these types of “official” changes sooner rather than later. And that is assuming they are even able to make those changes in the first place, again depending on each state’s requirements. Check out this website, The National Center For Transgender Equality. It has a drop down list with the requirements for gender changes on state and federal official documents. In those states where someone does not meet the requirements to change official documents, it is crucial to have something in writing with specific instructions as to how gender identity is to be addressed upon one’s death.”
Some states have passed legislation to protect gender identity in death , including California, New York, New Jersey, and DC, but Albrecht says, “They are going to require some formal documentation like a driver’s license or birth certificate. That said, since January 2020, the New York City Health Department has started guiding providers’ work with a decedent’s loved ones to make every possible attempt to record a gender identity on death certificates consistent with the wishes of the decedent. The determination may be based on knowledge of the person or documentation including, but not limited to: an amended birth certificate indicating different sex than sex assigned at birth; a statement from the decedent during life requesting a change of birth certificate to different from sex assigned at birth; and medical records indicating self-identification as gender identity differing than sex assigned at birth, as well as other records. Hopefully other states will follow suit.”
What happens if the state you died in does not recognize your identity as valid ie (x gender marker)?
According to Salter, “If you were born, lived, and died in a state that does not allow your gender marker to be changed then unfortunately all legal documentation such as death certificates and insurance paperwork would have to comply with what the state expects. This may be complicated if you were able to update your gender marker in one state, but die in a different state that does not recognize it. If I were presented with a case like this I would research state laws and would probably need to make some calls to our legal team to get a clear answer. However, regardless of state, a person can be memorialized in any way they want. This means that the next of kin should expect the funeral home to use the decedent’s correct name and pronouns when speaking about them, in the obituary, on a grave marker, or any other form of memorialization, regardless of what is listed on legal documentation. Next of kin should make their expectations very clear to whomever they are working with at the funeral home and shouldn’t be afraid to speak up if their wishes are not being respected.”
Joe’l Anthony, Atlanta based Funeral Director and host of the YouTube series The Grave Woman related her experience: “I have witnessed this become an issue only once. A male born decedent who identified as female was issued a life insurance policy as a female and had no affidavit in place. When arrangements were made, and the vital information was collected from the family, the death certificate was issued, reflecting male as the decedent’s gender, as stated on the birth certificate. This caused problems with the release of the life insurance benefit being paid to the beneficiary. The family had to pay out of pocket for funeral expenses while fighting the insurance company to release funds. I don’t know if they ever received the death benefit.”
What are funeral homes doing right now to be inclusive?
A couple years ago we published an article that sought to answer the question “What is it like to die, queer, in 2018?” – what I’ve learned form funeral professionals is that not much has changed in the past couple years. “I am not sure exactly what funeral homes are doing to be inclusive,” Anthony told me. “At the firm I work with, everyone who comes through the door is treated with the same level of respect. Regardless of their orientation or gender presentation, we do our best to genuinely care for everyone (dead or alive). Many of the issues that arise surrounding gender tend to stem from the family’s desire to have the final say on how the deceased is presented for viewing. Lack of preplanning contracts makes things more complicated and less likely that the decedent has the final say in how they are presented.”
One of the issues that comes up frequently among both my colleagues and the genderqueer community is do funeral homes have policies or offer training that protect their gender nonconforming decedents? “I have yet to receive any formal training or education on working with the families of transgender, non-binary, or any other gender or orientation in the funeral home. One suggestion that I would make to funeral homeowners is the implementation of zero-tolerance policies and mandatory sensitivity training for employees. The goal of the training would be to educate funeral professionals to use proper pronouns, language, and terminology as well as prepare them for varying anatomical presentations of the deceased. The zero-tolerance policies would guarantee disciplinary action against any employee who intentionally disrespects or uses derogatory language towards the dead or any guest or patron of the funeral home who is transgender, non-binary, or other.”
gender neutral bathroom signs ADA Gender Neutral Restroom Sign RRE 99 WHTonNavy
Are funeral homes willing to put in gender neutral or trans welcoming bathroom signage to help feel more inclusive?
Both funeral directors said that a lot of the “willingness” comes down to the region. “Management in more conservative areas will probably give a staff member some push back if they suggested inclusive signage, where funeral homes in more liberal areas may think this is a great idea,” said Salter. “Most funeral homes do however have at least one gender-neutral handicap accessible bathroom, so there is an option if people don’t feel comfortable in a gendered multi-stall restroom.” In Atlanta, Anthony stated that “I have not seen gender-neutral signage at any of the local funeral homes that I have visited recently, but that does not mean that having that signage is not an option. As professionals offering services to the public, I would assume that owners would want community members and patrons to feel as comfortable and included as possible, but being that gender-neutral signage is not legally required, it would be up to the discretion of owners.”
Are there any records of queer history related to death?
Yes! In addition to the numerous cemeteries offering historical tours of LGBTQ figures, academics and historians have been focusing on death and mourning from a queer experience more and more of late, from universities offering a Queer Necropolitics course, to the very first International Queer Death Studies Conference in 2019.
Want to dive into queer death studies but don‘t know where to begin? A great place to start is the Queer Death Studies Network. After that, head over to the Collective for Radical Death Studies. My colleagues here have created a canon of source materials with a section dedicated to Queer Death where you’ll find books, articles, films and more.
Dia de Muertos altar created by the Translatin@ Coalition in Los Angeles.
What resources are out there for LGBTQ death are besides Trans Death Care?
From grief, to end-of-life care for patients and professionals, to LGBTQ friendly funeral home directories, there are resources available. In the future we hope to see many more, but here’s a small list to get you started:
LGBTQ Friendly Funeral Home Directory can be found on GayPages.com
National Center For Lesbian Rights has put together information to help you protect yourself and your loved ones in the event of illness, disability, or death.
SAGE is an advocacy and services organization for LGBT elders, that addresses a variety of issues. Here, you can find a list of hospices that have received training on issues related to the LGBT community.
Need to locate service providers who understand LGBT issues and can be trusted to provide you with competent, respectful care? SAGE has created these 10 tips to help you find a provider that’s right for you or your loved one.
The National Resource Center on LGBT Aging has a wealth of information, resources and support. You can find sections on everything from end of life decisions, to considerations for Transgender people and aging, to culturally competent caregiving.
Support for LGBTQ Parents help and support for those navigating child/baby loss, miscarriage and more.
TransLifeline and The Trevor Project have been providing crisis and suicide prevention support for years. With constant attacks on Trans rights these services are crucial, as we know that “Playing politics with the civil rights of a vulnerable population has consequences,” – Sam Ames, director of Trans Lifeline.
For caregiving professionals who want to learn more and make sure they are providing the best care possible to all their patients, make a point of requesting training at your workplace. I also recommend Dr. Kimberly D. Acquaviva’a book, LGBTQ-Inclusive Hospice and Palliative Care: A Practical Guide to Transforming Professional Practice, which is for physicians, advanced practice registered nurses, registered nurses, social workers, counselors, and chaplains.
Another consideration is organizing community death care. Here at The Order we’ve always been passionate advocates for biological and chosen families to take on the care of their loved ones in death, if they choose to do so. Washing and dressing the body, and holding space for your community in a way that not only feels safe for everyone but is also meaningful to you, can provide a powerful space for mourning, support, and healing.
Perhaps you or someone you know is willing to learn how to care for a body and be available to answer questions, provide hands-on help, and support others in your community? There are plenty of free resources online at the National Home Funeral Alliance, or enroll in a distance learning program with one of our wonderful colleagues, like Alua Arthur.
As a community that is too often burdened with grief it can also be comforting to come together for collective acts of mourning and healing. What that space looks like is up to you! It can be as simple as a potluck dinner to share personal stories or readings from others, you can incorporate activities like writing a letter to someone you’ve lost, or a vigil for folks in your community who have died.
Finally, I posed my own question to LGBTQ health advocate Zena Sharman – how can queerness and queer community help you through the experiences of death and grief? Sharman says, “The queer community taught me how to grieve and gave me the tools I needed to become more comfortable with death and mourning. It gave me the space to be messy and weird and do things my way. These are hard-won skills: we’re a community that’s intimate with death because of the individual and structural violence queer and trans folks face. We know how to band together during difficult times, collectively resist stigma, shame and erasure, and do the creative, transformative work of living our lives in ways that honour our truest selves and identities. These are relevant skills when dealing with death and grief, and I’ve found healing and possibility in the idea of queering death.”
I hope we can all move toward creating a world in which our truest selves and identities are not just acknowledged, but celebrated.
Sarah Chavez is the executive director of The Order of the Good Death, co-host of the Death in the Afternoon podcast, and a founding member of the Collective For Radical Death Studies. As one of the founders of the Death Positive movement, she is passionate about addressing the underlying issues that adversely effect marginalized communities’ experiences of death. Sarah writes and speaks about a variety of subjects including the relationship between food and death, Mexican-American death history, feminist death, and decolonizing death rituals. You can follow her on Twitter .
(1) A concept/comparison made by scholar and artist, Angela Hennessy in regards to the Black community and their experiences of death. Please find more of her important work here.
If you enjoyed this piece, please consider supporting our work. Your contribution goes directly toward running The Order, including resources, research, paying our writers and staff, and funding more frequent content. We’d love to keep pushing the funerary envelope in 2018. Visit our Support Us page, for a variety of easy ways to contribute.
March 4, 2020
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