Beate Chelette's Blog: The Women's Code, page 31

How to Listen Actively

The simple question on whether to watch the news or not can get us all worked up. Is it better to know, or to live in blissful ignorance? And even if you make it through the news hour, can you also endure the volatile and extreme opinions that follow right after? The answer is to listen actively and then act. Consider this…

We Are All People

We all have our opinions, and we follow our own belief systems that are based on our unique experiences, culture, and upbringing. Much factors into this, such as our emotional quotient, education, exposure to other people, places, and cultures.

Have you ever been engaged in a passionate conversation trying to convince others to see your side? Most times, it’s pointless. Because people strongly invest in their opinions and beliefs.

Getting Along Is Simple

Consider that having a right to your opinion means others also have a right to their own. Their experiences are different so their opinions will be different.

If we listen actively instead of speaking so much, perhaps we would discover a narrative on the other side that deserves consideration. Someone who brings it to the point consistently is Jimmy Kimmel.

The example on the other side is the current President of the United States. It is no secret that I personally have a visceral negative reaction to him and I can’t watch or listen to him talk. It is easy for me to find something wrong with just about everything he says. I have to remind myself to actively listen to not miss the fine nuances between what he is actually doing and what he inherited.

Trump makes it very easy to dislike him, mostly because he seems to not ever listen. And when he talks, he appears to be screaming. Perhaps it is because he’s never learned to see any other side, or maybe it is his personality. What is the lesson here?

Listen Actively

Whether we agree or disagree, or like or dislike someone/something, we always have a choice. We can do one of two things:

Pretend the problem doesn’t exist and turn off the news, shrug our shoulders, and wait it out. (This is called ignorance.)
Recognize that the discord in the world we are experiencing is the result of us allowing the loudmouths to speak too loudly and too frequently. It means that other voices are not being heard or listened to.

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

It is time to examine our own motives and what we believe in. We don’t want to be that person who just yells our opinions and expects to gain respect for them.

With active listening, we have a game plan for what we will get involved in and commit to. In my case, I commit to promoting equality, diversity, and inclusion. As we call it in The Women’s Code—I support balanced leadership.

Because if not you, then who? If not now, then when? What are you willing to stand up for?

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post How to Listen Actively appeared first on The Women's Code.

How To Shape Women Leadership

I have lots of ideas, and not all of them hit the mark. Luckily, I have thick skin and a laser focus on my mission: to shape women leadership.

When I reach my eternal resting place, I want one thing to be known about my contributions… “She was instrumental in defining and shaping women leadership.”

A few years ago, I sat in James Malinchak’s Mastermind with 97 men and 2 other women. I mentioned the idea of The Women’s Code and the entire room suddenly went quiet. I had every man’s attention. They loved it.

Yet, it wasn’t until Bart Christian, a successful corporate trainer and owner of Simple Solutions, said the one sentence that sticks in my head even now. Bart asked, “Did you ever think that this is the reason God put you here? Because it will take someone like YOU to do something like THIS.”

I freaked out

And then I did it anyway. Because that’s what I do. It’s been a wild ride with lots of twists and turns, but I am getting closer to my goal.

Yes, I am a little bit nuts

Then again, you have to be if you want to make an impact.

LinkedIn remains a hotbed of comments about me in response to the articles I post. There are hundreds of suggestions about what I can do better and how I can “fix” myself.

I don’t blame these responders. After all, I must be having problems of ALL KINDS to keep speaking out about topics like LinkedIn not being a dating website, and women wanting equality and equal opportunities.

Something MUST be wrong with ME to have the opinions I do. Otherwise, why would so many other women be so quiet about it all?

I do this because I can

 And so can you.

I’m not so special. Other women get beat down, too. And for what?

Oh, for things like taking care of ourselves because it makes us feel good. For taking a stand for things we believe in. For pushing hard to get somewhere and make our mark. For fighting for the right to speak, using our voices, and pointing out what is right and what is not fair. And (my favorite) for the fact that I can, I will, and I want to speak for myself.

It’s just an opinion

But if it’s JUST an opinion, why do men and women get so shook up about it? Am I too loud, too brazen, too in your face?

Do the words I say make you look at your own stuff? Do I remind you of someone you hate, and you feel safe unleashing your hatred about one person by redirecting it to another—to ME?

Go ahead

There’s a classic movie with Sophia Loren where her attorney asks her to show up for a court hearing looking modest. Instead, she shows up in her most attention grabbing outfit. Why? Because she is not going to pretend to be someone she is not.

That’s how you shape women leadership

We are not going to play a part that we are not. Certainly not I.

My message is clear: wear the red dress and your heels, look your best, be your most brilliant, speak up, say something, point it out, put your finger in the wound, shout it from the rooftops.

Women leadership is coming and it’s here to stay for all of us, despite the current leadership of this country and the many attempts to take our rights away from us.

It’s not going to happen

We are not good girls. We are brilliant and unapologetically bold WOMEN. Some of us are loudmouths (like me), some of us work in the background, and most of us are somewhere in between.

But we are all shaping women leadership. This is our time and we are not willing to wait anymore. Each of us is finding her spot in this movement.

Creative Director Ross Sutherland was my boss once upon a time. He said that when working with me, you either get on board, have a better idea, or get out of the way.

Nothing has changed. I’m still raising hell.

Which side of her STORY are you going to be on?

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post How To Shape Women Leadership appeared first on The Women's Code.

“I believe in the First Amendment, and BOOBS.”

Leadership comes from the top down. The boss, owner, anchor, or manager is expected to lead by example. Unfortunately, our recent examples include a resurgence of unprofessional, biased, sexist, misogynistic, and racist comments that women especially had hoped we’d left behind.

Some men think it is okay to express their brute opinions about women. These guys have yet to understand that women are anything but helpless. My eyes are so tired from me rolling them this much!

Meet the Players

In this week’s example, we have the following:

Brooke Baldwin – a female CNN news anchor and a Peabody Award finalist. She is one of the few women hosts of her own news show for the past seven years, and she has 17 years of experience as a journalist.
President Donald Trump – a controversial figure. People have strong opinions about him one way or another.
Jemele Hill – an African-American female sports journalist who hosts Numbers Never Lie on ESPN2. Hill called the President a “white supremacist” on Twitter. Trump took offense and wanted Hill to be fired.

To discuss the White House call for Jemele Hill’s dismissal, Baldwin invited two guests: Keith Reed, former senior editor at ESPN, and Clay Travis from Fox Sports Radio.

During the interview, Baldwin says she wasn’t prepared for what came next from Clay Travis. And who would be? Clay said, “I believe in the First Amendment, and boobs.”

What followed in Baldwin’s brain is a dilemma many women face everyday. We heard the comment (or are pretty sure we did), we ask for verification on what we heard, and suddenly we have to decide if we should let it slide (again) or if we TAKE ON yet another misogynistic, sexist comment that has no place in any conversation.

Baldwin took it on. She understands equality is an ACTION.

In her own words: “And then I did something I’ve done only a handful of times in my career. I told the control room to kill his mic and said “bye.” I invite a variety people on my show with wide-ranging opinions—sometimes even my jaw hits the floor, too—but I let them speak. Whether it’s left, right or center—I want to expose my viewers to other perspectives. Agree with them or not, the nation needs to listen. The thing is—this is not okay. Speaking to women like this is unacceptable. It is 2017. Why is this even happening?”

Out of my personal experience, as the founder of The Women’s Code, and based on feedback I have received from thousands of women who commented over the years on the topics of gender equality (or the lack thereof), I have this to say…

Words Matter

It doesn’t matter if you THINK it is locker room talk, or if you FEEL it was innocent banter, or if you INTENDED it as a compliment—words matter.

Intention and perception are two different things.

You can give a compliment by sticking to something simple, like pointing out a brilliant idea. If you must comment on appearance, make a compliment about the color of the dress or an overall professional look.

It is NOT OKAY—now or ever—to make sexual references in a professional setting. Never mention breasts (or stare at them!) no matter how inviting or provocative you perceive their shape or size.

Do not turn around and stare at a woman’s butt and comment on it. Even a comment on a women’s physique can be considered sexual harassment. And you definitely shouldn’t murmur to someone else that you’d “do her in a second.” None of this is considered complimentary to any woman I know.

The Bigger Problem

In the era of Trump and reverting to cave man talk, some men feel encouraged to express what they have been thinking all along: that women are sexual objects designed entirely for the pleasure of men.

This is a problem. However, the BIGGER PROBLEM is they are saying it out loud.

What has changed for women everywhere is an acknowledgement that we do not want to be spoken to in this manner or viewed as sexual objects. Not now and not ever.

If you have an example of this happening to you, please share. I want to hear from you.

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post “I believe in the First Amendment, and BOOBS.” appeared first on The Women's Code.

“I believe in the First Amendment, and boobs.”

Leadership comes from the top down. The boss, owner, anchor, or manager is expected to lead by example.

Unfortunately, our recent examples include a resurgence of unprofessional, biased, sexist, misogynistic, and racist comments that women especially had hoped we’d left behind.

Some men think it is okay to express their brute opinions about women. These guys have yet to understand that women are anything but helpless. My eyes are so tired from me rolling them this much!

Meet the Players

In this week’s example, we have the following:

Brooke Baldwin – a female CNN news anchor and a Peabody Award finalist. She is one of the few women hosts of her own news show for the past seven years, and she has 17 years of experience as a journalist.
President Donald Trump – a controversial figure. People have strong opinions about him one way or another.
Jemele Hill – an African-American female sports journalist who hosts Numbers Never Lie on ESPN2. Hill called the President a “white supremacist” on Twitter. Trump took offense and wanted Hill to be fired.

To discuss the White House call for Jemele Hill’s dismissal, Baldwin invited two guests: Keith Reed, former senior editor at ESPN, and Clay Travis from Fox Sports Radio.

During the interview, Baldwin says she wasn’t prepared for what came next from Clay Travis. And who would be? Clay said, “I believe in the First Amendment, and boobs.”

What followed in Baldwin’s brain is a dilemma many women face everyday. We heard the comment (or are pretty sure we did), we ask for verification on what we heard, and suddenly we have to decide if we should let it slide (again) or if we TAKE ON yet another misogynistic, sexist comment that has no place in any conversation.

Baldwin took it on. She understands equality is an ACTION.

In her own words: “And then I did something I’ve done only a handful of times in my career. I told the control room to kill his mic and said “bye.” I invite a variety people on my show with wide-ranging opinions—sometimes even my jaw hits the floor, too—but I let them speak. Whether it’s left, right or center—I want to expose my viewers to other perspectives. Agree with them or not, the nation needs to listen. The thing is—this is not okay. Speaking to women like this is unacceptable. It is 2017. Why is this even happening?”

Out of my personal experience, as the founder of The Women’s Code, and based on feedback I have received from thousands of women who commented over the years on the topics of gender equality (or the lack thereof), I have this to say…

Words Matter

It doesn’t matter if you THINK it is locker room talk, or if you FEEL it was innocent banter, or if you INTENDED it as a compliment—words matter.

Intention and perception are two different things.

You can give a compliment by sticking to something simple, like pointing out a brilliant idea. If you must comment on appearance, make a compliment about the color of the dress or an overall professional look.

It is NOT OKAY—now or ever—to make sexual references in a professional setting. Never mention breasts (or stare at them!) no matter how inviting or provocative you perceive their shape or size.

Do not turn around and stare at a woman’s butt and comment on it. Even a comment on a women’s physique can be considered sexual harassment. And you definitely shouldn’t murmur to someone else that you’d “do her in a second.” None of this is considered complimentary to any woman I know.

The Bigger Problem

In the era of Trump and reverting to cave man talk, some men feel encouraged to express what they have been thinking all along: that women are sexual objects designed entirely for the pleasure of men.

This is a problem. However, the BIGGER PROBLEM is they are saying it out loud.

What has changed for women everywhere is an acknowledgement that we do not want to be spoken to in this manner or viewed as sexual objects. Not now and not ever.

If you have an example of this happening to you, please share. I want to hear from you.

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post “I believe in the First Amendment, and boobs.” appeared first on The Women's Code.

If You Won’t Do This For Your Co-Worker, Do It For Your Daughter

Help Me Please – I Am Being Harassed At Work. I am only 22 and the only woman of this team in a tech company. I am going to find another job. I am dreading going to work.

That’s the email I received. It made me furious. I immediately thought of my own daughter who is 25 years old and a hostess at a restaurant. She is often grabbed by guys dining there, not to mention the nonsense she has to listen to. She has heard it all from marriage proposals to being told she would be KIDNAPPED. All she does to incite this is show up for work.

Let me get this message out LOUD and CLEAR. It is NOT a compliment when you grab my butt, or tell me how hot and smoking sexy I look, or how you would love to just “do me.” It is a scary turn off when you bury your face in my neck, brush your elbow by my breast, “accidentally” bump into me full frontal, or give me a hug that I didn’t asked for.

And yes, men actually say and do these things to women.

To clarify, if my beau grabs my butt and tells me I am the hottest thing he’s ever seen, it’s ok because he has my permission to do so. But that is my personal, private relationship. That is between me and only one other person: the man I am with. He’s the only one from whom I wish to receive that kind of attention.

When women go to work, we do not want your sexual advances or “accidental” contact. What do we expect? Well, I am going to spell it out for those few rotten tomatoes who still haven’t gotten the message.

I go to work to…work.
I expect all men and women to conduct themselves in a professional manner.
We focus on our jobs, innovation, creativity, and how to get stuff done.
We communicate and collaborate for a single reason—to come up with ideas that move our organization forward.
The only time we get physically close is when we are reviewing a pitch deck, a project, or to study numbers.
When we do team events outside the office, we keep the conversation and drinking light. (Remember my Cinderella Rule? Follow that you will be in excellent shape.)

As a general rule, men at the office and everywhere else do not have permission from women to:

Touch us, and that includes hugs without permission.
Make jokes of a sexual nature.
Call us prudes or tightly-wound because we don’t want to participate in your sexual banter.
Whistle, chuckle, or undress us with your eyes, stare at our breasts, or turn around to stare at our asses.
Mislead us by asking to discuss something business related in a more casual setting (like having a drink after work or going to lunch) only to make a sexual advance.
Blackmail us into thinking that we cannot further our careers unless we are “extra friendly” or even sleep with you.
Engage in stupid, idiotic, “harmless banter” or “locker room talk” (thanks 45, I have not forgotten!) or use the “boys will be boys” excuse.

It’s NOT okay now. It NEVER was okay, even when you got away with it. I don’t care who you are. Enough. If you are a man described above, you need to review your morals.

Do it for your daughter if you can’t do it for your co-worker.

I am stupefied as to why in the year 2017, with all the attention sexual harassment is getting, that we even need to discuss this. And honestly, after my last post went viral with over 2 million reads, I must say that 80% of men are amazing. They have daughters, wives, and sisters they deeply care about and they extend that awareness to other women. They agree the way some men behave is completely unacceptable. One supportive man said he is just fine without the ‘bros’ if having a man code results in demeaning behavior toward his wife. He’s not having it.

And you—the amazing 80%—you shouldn’t have any of it either. Why? Because the rotten 20% give ALL MEN a bad rep.

If you see something, SAY SOMETHING. Stand up for women. Because if you don’t, your silence says it’s ok for someone to do the same thing to your wife and daughter.

We owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones to STOP sexual harassment. Enough already.

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post If You Won’t Do This For Your Co-Worker, Do It For Your Daughter appeared first on The Women's Code.

Are You Still A Feminist?

Conversations about men and women in the workplace are my business. Equality— the dreaded word that is scorned by men and women alike is at the very core of what I do.

I have come to learn a few things about how women react to the concept of equality.

Younger women can’t stand having conversations that suggest men and women are not equal. They ASSUME their foremothers who fought the good fight managed to fix our society, and women can now proceed without labels.
Women 45+ (like me) are in a perpetual state of shock that the hard work we’ve done fighting for our daughters to achieve equality can be brushed aside with one loaded question: “Are you still a feminist?” Not to mention the judgment that comes with that particular ‘F’ word. We subtly raise our brows, we smile faintly, and like the fairy godmother we mutter, “But of course, my dear.”
Young and liberated women whom WE raised in that very equal mindset are now telling us our line of thinking is outdated. They think feminism is so passé, that these issues don’t matter anymore, that today’s men are not the same, and that this new generation doesn’t need or want us to meddle with THEIR affairs. “Move over middle-aged lady. You’re too old to understand.”

They Are So Wrong

With over 2 million views and 2000+ comments on my LinkedIn status that just keeps giving, it is clear the fight for equality is far from over.

Here’s why:

Younger men are just like the men I’ve worked with throughout my entire professional career. They do not want to be told.
Younger men see what their bosses get away with. If I were a man and could leave my “lesser” co-workers (women) in the dust, maybe even I would be tempted to do the same. It’s just so easy. The systems are set up for it.
Men 45+ (especially those in IT and with the title Engineer, based on my critics) can be very hostile toward women. In many cases, they simply try to strip us of our right to speak.

I am a FEMINIST. And frankly, I don’t care if you like it or not. If you are a woman and you have a job, have your own bank account, vote in elections, and make decisions for yourself—then you are a feminist, too.

Let The Numbers Do The Talking

In response to my post, hundreds of women declared, “I agree! I do not want to be romantically approached on LinkedIn!” Conversely, some male responders (in the face of overwhelming evidence provided by myself and other women) insist

a) this problem doesn’t exist;

b) this is a problem only I have; or

c) I brought this upon myself with my “provocative” profile photo.

When we have less than 3% of CEO positions filled by women, it is clear equality has not yet been achieved. Even the disparity in numbers at mid-management level speaks loudly that most workplaces that have not adjusted to accommodate women’s needs. I’ll say it again—equality is not a belief, it’s an action.

Those of us who understand the difference between wishful thinking (or blissful ignorance) versus the actual numbers know we still have a lot of work to do.

And that is why I am still a feminist. Are you?

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post Are You Still A Feminist? appeared first on The Women's Code.

Fake Men Can Be Helpful

Today, all I want to give you is a little food for thought. It is the story of Keith Mann, a man who is entirely fictional and whose persona was created for a singular purpose. Keith came to be so a startup would be being taken seriously.

The story is rather simple. Two young women business partners realized they were not being taken seriously enough. So, they applied a strategy that many of us who are in business for ourselves have used. They invented a fake email address for a non-existent employee.

Sometimes small business owners do this so our businesses seem “bigger.” In this case, the two women created a fake man so their business could finally gain some credibility and respect.

How sad is that?

Fake Men Can Be Helpful

The women realized they weren’t getting responses to their emails or calls, and if they did get replies, they often came days later. Sometimes emails they received addressed them as “girls” instead of using their names. So, because creativity is their business, they invented Keith Mann as a fake co-founder.

The results were astonishing!

Email replies came much faster. “Keith” was always addressed by his proper (albeit fake) name. Overall, he became a valuable member of the team and helped increase the credibility of the business.

What is the story here?

This is about the pervasive unconscious bias in our society that demonstrates just how little respect women, especially young women, can expect to receive.

Creating a fake employee is an act of desperation, and of course we can’t invent a fake man for every unfair situation. But what we CAN do is remind ourselves that many, many of us hold strong bias toward women and the quality of work women produce.

Today’s Message

Let’s make an even bigger effort—a conscious effort—to take women more seriously. If you’re not sure how, start with simple things. Like the way we address women versus men, the tone of our communications, and what we say and do when we think nobody is watching.

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post Fake Men Can Be Helpful appeared first on The Women's Code.

Why Women Can’t Get On Board With Other Women

TWO MILLION people read my status update about not mistaking LinkedIn for a dating site. I posted it in response to an encounter I’d had earlier that day.

What happened was I received a valid and reasonable connection request from a prospective client, and I accepted him as a connection. What followed was a short IM exchange that quickly felt more like we met on Ok Cupid. So… You live in LA? Let’s grab coffee sometime.

The best intentions…

Little did I know that my desire to keep things professional on LinkedIn would put me in the eye of the hurricane.

I’ve already posted about the different types of male responders. To recap, there are luckily 80% of men who agree with the simple fact that men need to take responsibility for their actions. And there are the outspoken 20% who sent me obscene anonymous email and accused me of every cliché— from not being “all that” (hot), to wearing provocative clothing (a red dress), to having ulterior motives, to having made up the story, to this being a publicity stunt. The crowd favourite has been, “Why don’t you wear a burka?”

I expected some of this. The responses I received are exactly what happens when men feel women are ganging up on them to point out “another thing they are doing wrong.”

Those 20% of men certainly seem to buckle under the pressure of these crazy ideas of all-inclusive, diverse, and equal.

As I have explained many times before, some men actually believe women don’t have a right to speak up about their own issues. And when we do, they deny it is a women’s issue and insist men experience it to the same degree, too.

But we know the truth and we have the facts. That is why in The Women’s Code and our flagship idea, Balanced Leadership, we include men in the dialogue from the get-go.

Having read through all 1500 comments, some deep breathing was required at times. “Don’t take it personally” is what I kept thinking, even though many comments were directed at me and I was told I did something wrong.

At the end of the day, the issue was raised

Although some comments from men did get under my skin, the ones that hurt most were from my fellow women.

Sadly, I report that many women still cannot support other women.

Especially the younger women blatantly denied that what I experienced was even an issue. Well, that kind of makes sense. Think about it—women without children or those who have simply had too few years in their professional lives have never experienced fighting the Mom bias or hitting that glass ceiling.

That group of young women was the most cruel, snide, and brutal in their responses. “Get over it, because I like attention from hot young guys.” Women over 40 seemed, for the most part, to be on board and were as exasperated as I was.

That’s what 20+ years of dealing with this issue does to you. You want it fixed.

Most often, however, I was told to go back into isolation. Don’t bring this up. Don’t talk about it. Keep it private. You have no right to discuss this in public. It’s you—just change yourself and you will be fine.

What this means for you

Is it so ingrained in women that we are not supposed to upset men, that we just don’t understand when an issue requires we band together and demand equal treatment?

All in all, I renew my commitment to talking about things that many just don’t want to talk about. Women need to be equal in our careers, which means we need more men to buy-in and more women on board to support each other.

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post Why Women Can’t Get On Board With Other Women appeared first on The Women's Code.

My Post That Was Read 2 Million Times

I AM NOT KIDDING…

The connection request came through LinkedIn and I accepted. The gentleman reached out and introduced himself. Hello… What do you do…? That kind of stuff.

Then the conversation started to turn. The message pings began to come so quickly that it seemed more like conversing with a friend than a new acquaintance.  And then, the first question that gave away what he was ACTUALLY interested in: “Where are YOU located?”

Pause.

Me: My BUSINESS is located Los Angeles.

Him: Great, me too. Let’s go and have coffee sometime?

I slammed the laptop closed. What the heck? Again? How many of these unwanted advances on LinkedIn, a PROFESSIONAL network, do I—do women—have to endure?

So I got pretty upset and wrote a Beate-style status update on LinkedIn. It went viral. At the time of writing this, about 2,000,000 people have read my status update. (You, too, can read it and the ensuing comments here.)

This is my synopsis of what I learned from the comments:

I am sad to say that I am not the only woman this has happened to. Thousands reached out and said ME TOO.
I am outraged to say that about 20% of the men who responded deny this is a problem. They seemed to gloss over the thousands of people who ‘liked’ the update and the hundreds of women who agreed it is a big issue.
I am grateful to tell you that 80% of men who commented are aware of the unwanted approaches toward women. They have honor and ethics, and quite a few even defended me.

As for the other 20% of men, there seemed to be three kinds of negative male responses:

The blamers and victim shamers who suggest that women need to dress or act a certain way so we don’t encourage men to behave the way they do. One man even went so far as to say we should wear burkas—or at least not the red dress I am wearing in my headshot!
The diverters who cannot have a conversation about anything other than themselves. There are many men who do not acknowledge the conversation we women are having. Meaning, that although I shared a personal experience that thousands of women have experienced as well, some men feel compelled to divert it to something that is also happening to men (hence why do I make such a big deal about it?)
The ignorants who say it is an issue, but don’t want to talk about it and suggest I’d better move on with my life because it just is what it is. (Read more about ignorant men in an article I recently wrote.)

The 80% of men who are supportive of women’s issue are:

The cheerleaders who congratulated me for raising the issue and who encourage women to share our workplace problems because they want to help fix them. They have daughters, wives, and sisters and they get it.
The blindsided who heard of this for the very first time and are shocked to learn this has been going on without their knowledge.
The converted who first made a snazzy or challenging comment that I should provide proof that this is really going on. Then after our exchange, they became cheerleaders.

There is so much material in that one status update it will keep me writing about this for a while. Next will be how women respond.

Which type of men do you encounter most often?

Let’s grow.

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post My Post That Was Read 2 Million Times appeared first on The Women's Code.

My Post That Was Read 1 Million Times

I AM NOT KIDDING…

The connection request came through LinkedIn and I accepted. The gentleman reached out and introduced himself. Hello… What do you do…? That kind of stuff.

Then the conversation started to turn. The message pings began to come so quickly that it seemed more like conversing with a friend than a new acquaintance.  And then, the first question that gave away what he was ACTUALLY interested in: “Where are YOU located?”

Pause.

Me: My BUSINESS is located Los Angeles.

Him: Great, me too. Let’s go and have coffee sometime?

I slammed the laptop closed. What the heck? Again? How many of these unwanted advances on LinkedIn, a PROFESSIONAL network, do I—do women—have to endure?

So I got pretty upset and wrote a Beate-style status update on LinkedIn. It went viral. At the time of writing this, about 1,000,000 people have read my status update. (You, too, can read it and the ensuing comments here.)

This is my synopsis of what I learned from the comments:

I am sad to say that I am not the only woman this has happened to. Thousands reached out and said ME TOO.
I am outraged to say that about 20% of the men who responded deny this is a problem. They seemed to gloss over the thousands of people who ‘liked’ the update and the hundreds of women who agreed it is a big issue.
I am grateful to tell you that 80% of men who commented are aware of the unwanted approaches toward women. They have honor and ethics, and quite a few even defended me.

As for the other 20% of men, there seemed to be three kinds of negative male responses:

The blamers and victim shamers who suggest that women need to dress or act a certain way so we don’t encourage men to behave the way they do. One man even went so far as to say we should wear burkas—or at least not the red dress I am wearing in my headshot!
The diverters who cannot have a conversation about anything other than themselves. There are many men who do not acknowledge the conversation we women are having. Meaning, that although I shared a personal experience that thousands of women have experienced as well, some men feel compelled to divert it to something that is also happening to men (hence why do I make such a big deal about it?)
The ignorants who say it is an issue, but don’t want to talk about it and suggest I’d better move on with my life because it just is what it is. (Read more about ignorant men in an article I recently wrote.)

The 80% of men who are supportive of women’s issue are:

The cheerleaders who congratulated me for raising the issue and who encourage women to share our workplace problems because they want to help fix them. They have daughters, wives, and sisters and they get it.
The blindsided who heard of this for the very first time and are shocked to learn this has been going on without their knowledge.
The converted who first made a snazzy or challenging comment that I should provide proof that this is really going on. Then after our exchange, they became cheerleaders.

There is so much material in that one status update it will keep me writing about this for a while. Next will be how women respond.

Which type of men do you encounter most often?

Let’s grow.

 

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”

Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.

If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.

The post My Post That Was Read 1 Million Times appeared first on The Women's Code.