Alis Rowe's Blog, page 9

5 ways to build your own identity

Many autistic people go through life with low self-esteem and feeling as though they do not fit in. This can cause them to question their identity because they feel as though they must fit in with others and not the other way round. Some autistic people conform so much to other people’s views and ways that they might actually feel they ‘lose’ their identity.

Having your own identity, and feeling comfortable with who you are, are vitally important for good mental health. Here are 5 ways to find (or to gain back) the sense of who you truly are:

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Why can’t autistic people say how they are feeling?

Autistic people can have a lot of difficulties and can be severely impaired in daily life. They can feel highly anxious everyday. The sad thing is that even the people closest to them may not know what they are going through.

I suppose there is a similarity here to some of the experiences that depressed people have. In the media, we often hear stories of people who have struggled severely with their mental health but that their family and closest friends were unaware.

This brings me to the first reason why an autistic person might be unable to tell their family how they are feeling:

They are depressed

Suffering from depression can be a very lonely experience and can cause the individual to become very inward looking. Sometimes they don’t even want to talk to anyone. They are completely lost in their own world.

Depression is a very complex condition and I don’t want to go into too much detail in this article but, ultimately, depression can cause someone to not want anyone else to know they have problems and to not want to accept any form of help. A depressed person often sees life through a very negative lens. They might think that, “This is life. It cannot be changed or improved, so there is no point trying to tell anyone how I feel. I just have to learn to cope.”

It is really important to be aware of the signs that a person might be depressed, even if they always tell you that they are fine.

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Understanding rules versus guidelines

Autistic people may have a tendency to take things literally. One consequence of this is that they might believe that things said are ‘rules’ and subsequently should be followed strictly and precisely (whereas the person who said those things only meant them to be ‘guidelines’).

Taking another person’s comments literally can cause the autistic person to feel confused and sometimes frustrated or disappointed.

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10 of the most important social skills

Social skills are the skills we use to communicate and interact with others. When I think about social skills what immediately comes to mind are things such as being able to make eye contact, know when and how to say “hello” and make small talk. However, I think that there are other far more helpful and important social skills. Out of my list of 10 below, only one of these really covers being able to make small talk!

The following ‘social skills’ might help you regardless of whether you are neurotypical or autistic. These strategies can help everyone.

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How to tolerate other people’s points of view

When a person has autism it means that they think differently from others. A simple way to understand this is to imagine that there are 20 people in a room. Out of those 20 people, 1 person is on the autistic spectrum. 19 people are thinking one way and the individual on the spectrum is thinking another way.

How do you think these circumstances might make the person on the autistic spectrum feel or behave? 

Maybe… self-righteous and judgmental, confused, isolated and ‘different’ or doubtful.

Here are some ways and suggestions on how to manage these feelings. Most autistic people will probably experience these feelings to different degrees at some point in their life:

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5 questions to ask yourself before you do anything

It is common for autistic people to worry about forthcoming activities. For lots of activities, a small amount of anxiety is normal, however there will be times when there is an excessive amount of anxiety. Although it’s good to come out of our comfort zone and do things that are difficult occasionally, it is also important to remember that we do have a choice about the activities we do. If something is causing a significant amount of stress, we must ask ourselves, “do I really need to go through with this?”

I decided that there are perhaps 5 main questions people should ask themselves before doing something that is causing anxiety. The answers will then help the person decide whether or not to go through with the activity.

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The problem is ‘how’, not ‘what’

One of the greatest challenges that affects me on a day to day basis, and has done throughout my whole life, is not knowing ‘how’ to do something. Not knowing how to do something is a problem that many autistic people have and that many neurotypical people overlook or do not understand.

For instance, when I have a problem, the (very simplified) process is as follows:

I have a problem >> I tell someone that I have a problem (or they find out that I have a problem) >> they give me a solution.

After this conversation, the other person believes they have solved my problem and that all is now fine!

What they don’t realise however, is that there is now actually another problem…

The other problem is that, although I’m grateful for their solution, I don’t know how to implement it.

This is the essence of autism – the ‘how’ is often the main problem. In fact, an autistic person might be quite knowledgeable about what they should do, they just get stuck on the how part…

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A Day in the Reception Class for The Girl With The Curly Hair

I’m excited to release my new film called ‘A Day in the Reception Class for The Girl With The Curly Hair.’  It shows how a 5 year old on the autism spectrum might experience a day at school.

It was very interesting to think about how autism might affect a young child. I learned a lot creating this film. I hope you find it helpful.

We’ve also created some new resources that go along with the film:

Reception Class e-Course for Parents
Reception Class e-Course for Education Professionals

These courses are excellent if you would like an indepth analysis of key points demonstrated in the film. They detail plenty of strategies to help people understand and support young autistic children.

Watch ‘A Day in the Reception Class for the Girl With The Curly Hair’ and see how The Girl With The Curly Hair copes with Show and Tell, Activity Time and more…

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10 things I wish my teachers had known

Recently I took part in an interview which asked me about my school days. There were some really good questions and the interview made me reflect on my school experiences when 1) I was just a child and 2) I didn’t know I had Asperger’s Syndrome.

I know now I have Asperger’s Syndrome. Now I have discovered a lot of strategies to help me live with my condition. I thought if I wrote an article that highlighted some things my teachers could have known about me, then this might be helpful to some teachers (and parents) now.

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Maintaining your Happy Balance

Someone once taught me a very important life lesson. They said, “always ensure you are doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t like.”

I think I’ll call this the Happy Balance. 

When we are doing more of what we like and less of what we don’t like, we are likely to feel happy.

It might be helpful to regularly reflect on your life and assess 1) the quantity and 2) the weighting of the activities you are doing. You can consider small parts of your life (such as your job or how you spend your weekends) or you can reflect on your life in general.

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