Alis Rowe's Blog, page 12
July 25, 2020
Are we 80% colleagues and 20% friends, or are we 100% friends?
My social network is quite big but there are only a very small number of people who I would call my friends. This is because when I met these people, the only mutual motivation we had, was that we liked each other’s company and wanted to carry on seeing each other. There was a natural spark between us.
This is in comparison to the people I’ve known through education and work. My initial reason for being around those people is that we were doing the same course or worked for the same company. If we had a spark, it came after the first link we had which was that mutual work project.
A mutual project is a really strong way to support my attempts at friendships initially. That’s why I have sometimes advised in my work that a helpful way for an autistic person to make friends might be through a particular setting, such as an art club or through swimming lessons. That common interest is an ice-breaker and makes socialising so much easier because you can talk about what you are doing.
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The post Are we 80% colleagues and 20% friends, or are we 100% friends? appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
July 14, 2020
How to have an efficient workflow
I recently embarked on a very very big project that took a few months. The project was big already, but what made it bigger was that I did not have an efficient, planned out workflow. I learned a lesson about workflow that could be applied to many other activities. This lesson may be helpful to others who have difficulty seeing a project through to an end because they feel frustrated or confused.
A workflow is defined as the sequence of processes through which a piece of work passes from start to finish.
When you do something for the first time, you probably do not have an efficient workflow yet. This is because you don’t really know what the project involves, how long things will take, what order to do things in, or even what the final work is going to look like.
There is a lot of ‘trial and error’, figuring things out as you go along, and going back to change things along the way. You might also be asking other people lots of questions. All of this adds a lot of time to the project.
You might feel exhausted and stressed by the amount of work you are doing. You might wonder how on earth other people do this seemingly so smoothly. I too have been there!
The positive of all your stress and additional time is that, by the time you get to the end of your project, you will undoubtedly have learned an enormous amount. In fact, the best thing that can come out of these time-consuming and stressful projects is that you have discovered an efficient workflow.
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The post How to have an efficient workflow appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
July 3, 2020
How to find your strengths and achieve your potential
Like many autistic individuals, I was a completely terrified adolescent with zero self-esteem. This meant that any abilities I had or potential skills I could have learned were restricted by the discomfort I felt in being myself. I was so preoccupied with wondering why I was different, why I didn’t fit in, and trying to make myself “normal”, that I was not able to appreciate my strengths (I didn’t even know I had any!).
Combine this with my experience of school where I was known as The Person Who Did Not Speak and who no one (apart from the bullies) paid any attention to, my strengths were not visible to anyone else either.
Consequently, I never really recognised my strengths and certainly never utilised them.
It was not until much later in my life that I started to realise that being different was not all negative. When I was young, I saw being different as being purely negative and I was extremely uncomfortable with who I was. It was only once I became comfortable with myself – many years later – that I was able to recognise that there were many good qualities in my character.
This leads me to the point that: in order for a person to best utilise their potential, they have to first recognise what it is. They have to recognise what they are good at. If a person is very unhappy with themselves, then they will probably not be able to think about any of that. Their headspace is consumed with comparing themselves to other people and feeling inferior.
So how can an autistic person best achieve their potential?
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The post How to find your strengths and achieve your potential appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
June 22, 2020
How to manage separation anxiety problems
In the previous article I provided insight into why autistic people might experience separation anxiety. Now I will look at what we can do to overcome or reduce this particular type of anxiety…
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The post How to manage separation anxiety problems appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
June 10, 2020
Understanding separation anxiety
Something that I remember very strongly from my childhood is a feeling of anxiety whenever my parents left me anywhere, such as to drop me off at school or when they went out for a while.
As an adult, I still have that feeling of anxiety even now about my parents. I also sometimes feel anxiety when I am spending time with someone and the time is coming to an end. Saying “goodbye” can be really hard.
It is obvious now why such situations make me feel so anxious. The anxiety is largely caused by the transition from being with someone to being apart from them. I have learned that transitions can be incredibly hard for autistic people.
The Covid-19 lockdown will likely have emphasised feelings of separation anxiety for autistic people. For example, they might have been separated from family and friends who were part of a routine. And, as the lockdown is eased, autistic people will have to get used to being apart from those they live with because of the return to school and work.
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The post Understanding separation anxiety appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
June 1, 2020
Why autistic people need others to be reliable
One of the traits I most admire and need is reliability. If I am to have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone then they must be reliable. The fundamental reason is that when a person is reliable, their actions are predictable. If their actions are predictable then my relationship with them is also going to be predictable. That means a larger proportion of my life will be predictable. When my life is predictable I feel much less anxious. My mental health is improved.
What do I mean when I talk about ‘reliability’? A reliable person is someone who:
Communicates clearly their plans
Does what they say they are going to do
Doesn’t tend to forget about what they said
Is organised in their mind
Is responsive
Is punctual
Doesn’t often change or cancel plans
These are all characteristics that many neurotypical people also appreciate and admire. However, I think a lot of autistic people will have a much, much greater “need” for this characteristic in others.
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The post Why autistic people need others to be reliable appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
May 23, 2020
Masks now available
We’re now selling face masks. We think they look pretty cool!
Non-medical face masks help you express yourself even when you can’t show your face
Two layers of soft 100% brushed polyester with sublimation print on the outside layer
7.25″ x 4.6″ / 18.5 x 11.5 cm with over-ear elastic straps for a snug fit over mouth and nose
Wash after each use
Do not use as medical personal protective equipment
Adult use only and should not be placed on young children younger than 2 years of age, anyone who has trouble breathing, or is unconscious, incapacitated or otherwise unable to remove the cover without assistance
The post Masks now available appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
May 18, 2020
What is de-sensitisation and why is it important?
Everyone experiences phases in their life. A phase could be the period of your life when you are at school or the period of your life you are working in a particular job. Relationships have phases as well. There are phases where you might see or interact with a particular person regularly and phases where you lose touch.
Change can be very, very difficult for autistic people. Therefore, transitions between phases can be problematic and it can take an autistic person a long time to ‘settle’ into a new phase. It can also be very difficult to transition back into a previous phase, which is what this article is about.
This article was inspired by the partial lockdown we are currently in in the UK. I started thinking about how we’ve all had to adjust to this new life of quarantine and how it might be returning to normal. We will effectively have to return to a previous ‘phase’.
If you have read my book, ‘What I have Learned about Life’, you might remember that I wrote “I would probably never be able to go back to university again and that I would probably never be able to go back to a ‘normal’ type of job again”. Even though I managed those experiences before, I have not done them for a long time. What I believe has happened is that, whereas I was [somewhat] de-sensitised to those experiences before, I am not now.
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The post What is de-sensitisation and why is it important? appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
May 8, 2020
10 tips for learning online
The internet has given us amazing opportunities to learn anything we want without leaving home. However, learning from the internet is a bit different from learning in a classroom. Here are 10 things that help me learn information when I am using the internet:
1. A clear objective
I find it difficult to learn unless there is a clear objective, goal or learning outcome. That’s why I like tutorials that have clear titles, descriptions or opening paragraphs that tell me exactly what I am going to learn.
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The post 10 tips for learning online appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
April 28, 2020
New film – A Day at the Vet’s
We have released a new film which shows a day at work for The Girl With The Curly Hair, who works at a veterinary practice. The Girl With The Curly Hair’s manager has made some reasonable adjustments for her, but the rest of the team don’t always follow them. This film highlights some of The Girl With The Curly Hair’s strengths. In particular, she has two good ideas to make all of their working more efficient. It shows that thinking differently can have advantages.
You can watch the film on our website if you are a subscriber.
The post New film – A Day at the Vet’s appeared first on The Girl with the Curly Hair.
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