Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 46

5 Negative Thinking Patterns 90 Percent of Us Struggle With Almost Every Day

“There’s a brilliant, beautiful, priceless piece of art hanging right in front of you. It’s sophisticated and meticulously detailed — a painstaking labor of passion and deep devotion. The colors, patterns, and textures are like no other — they soar and dip, they shine bright and leap right off the canvas at you. And yet you choose to focus your eyes on the tiny, dark housefly that has landed on the edge this masterpiece. Why would you choose to do such a thing?”

Cara cracked a half smile in my direction and then shifted her gaze down to the ground.

“Look,” I continued, “the point here is that there’s no possible way to be 100% certain about anything in this world. Life, like great art, is sophisticated, complex, and somewhat unpredictable. So you’re left with a choice: (more…)

6 Reasons to Stop Waiting for Approval from Everyone Else

You will never find your worth in another human being — you find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy.

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on an act every day. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to continuously prove, because…

1. It’s important to honor your feelings and boundaries.

When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you, or treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t (more…)

3 Subconscious Habits that Often Drain 90 Percent of Our Mental Strength

The goal is to change your response to what you can’t control. To grow stronger on the inside so less on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.

There’s an old saying, “Struggle can be used as a source of strength.” My grandmother always repeated that line to me when I was growing up. Every time I dealt with some kind of unexpected challenge, she would graciously remind me that it was helping me grow, so long as I was willing to open my mind to it. Over the years I have learned just how right she was, and how relevant her wisdom is for all of us.

The mind is the biggest battleground. It’s the place where the strongest (subconscious) conflict resides — the place where we develop habits that put us in direct opposition with reality. It’s where half the things we feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where our expectations get the best of us and we fall victim to our own trains of thought, again and again.

Truth be told, in the game of life we all receive a (more…)

1 Timeless Wake-Up Call for Those Tough Days When You Don’t Feel “Good Enough”

Oftentimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.

“Life hasn’t been the easiest on me lately. I won’t get into all the details now, but the tough times I’ve been living through have left me with many cracks. And although I’ve still managed to be a reasonably successful person, on most days I struggle desperately with my self-confidence. I just don’t feel good enough. I feel flawed. I feel like my cracks make me undesirable…”

Those are the opening lines of an email Angel and I received recently from a new coaching client. I’m sharing that excerpt here, with permission, because Angel and I have spoken to hundreds of other clients, students, and live event attendees over the past 15 years who struggle in a very similar way. In fact, almost all of us struggle with not feeling “good enough” at various points throughout our lives.

If you can relate right now — if today is one of those days — it’s time for a quick (more…)

6 Tiny Daily Habits that Will Change Your Whole Life (in 6 Months or Less)

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
– Annie Dillard

Are you willing to spend a little time every day like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t?

Think about that question for a moment. Let it sink in. You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens only when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis (most people miss the second part).

And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily habits.

Now it’s time think about your habits — the little things you do every day.

Because these little things define you.

All the results in your life come from (more…)

3 Fundamental Lessons Too Many People Learn Too Late in Life

“In elementary school my parents told me it didn’t matter what I did when I grew up, so long as it made me happy. ‘Happiness is the whole point of life,’ my father said. ‘But it doesn’t always come easy. Your mother loves to help people in need, so she became a psychiatric nurse. I love reading, writing and poetry, so I became an English teacher. We both find happiness in the hard work we do each day.’

A few years later when I was in junior high, my sixth-grade homeroom teacher put me in detention for ‘being difficult.’ She went around the classroom and asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. When she got to me, I told her I wanted to be happy. She told me I was missing the whole point of the question. I told her she was missing the whole point of life.”

That’s an old parable my grandmother recited to me countless times when (more…)

5 Reasons My 90-Year-Old Grandmother Smiled Genuinely on Her Deathbed

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
— Mae West

Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandmother and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”

And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…

“Am I living well?”

“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”

These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I desperately struggled to envision myself on my deathbed — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my 90-year-old grandmother (who was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).

On the final day of her life, (more…)

3 Daily Choices that Often Generate 90 Percent of Our Success in Life

When I was a high school freshman, a 260-pound freshman girl showed up for track and field tryouts right alongside me. Her name was Sara, and she was only there because her doctor said her health depended on it. But once she scanned the crowd of students who were on the field, she turned around and began walking away. Coach O’Leary saw her, jogged over, and turned her back around.

“I’m not thin enough for this sport!” Sara declared. “And I’ll never be! It’s impossible for me to lose enough weight. I’ve tried.”

Coach O’Leary nodded, and promised Sara that her body type wasn’t suited for her current weight. “It’s suited for 220 pounds,” he said.

Sara looked confused. “Most people tell me I need to lose 130 pounds,” she replied. “But you think I only need to lose 40?”

Coach O’Leary (more…)

8 Wake-Up Calls We All Need to Receive in Life Before it’s Too Late

We’ve come a long way, and we’re still learning and growing. Let’s be thankful for the lessons. Let’s take them and make the best of things today.

For my 18th birthday, many moons ago, my grandfather on my mom’s side gave me four lightly-used flannel shirts that he no longer needed. The shirts were barely worn and in great shape; my grandfather told me he thought they would look great on me. Unfortunately, I thought they were odd gifts at the time and I wasn’t thankful. I looked at him skeptically, gave him a crooked half-smile, and moved on to the other gifts sitting in front of me. My grandfather died two days later from a sudden heart attack. The flannel shirts were the last gifts he ever gave me, and that crooked half-smile was the last time I directly acknowledged him. Today, I still regret the little thing I didn’t say when I had the chance: “Thank you Grandpa. I appreciate you.”

That was a huge wake-up call for me — one that has served me well for over two decades now.

And here are eight wake-up calls for all of us — some important lessons worth learning and living by, before it’s too late: (more…)

10 Painfully Clear Truths About Life We All Forget Too Often

The truth does not disappear when it is ignored or forgotten.

You know how you can hear something a hundred times in a hundred different ways before it finally gets through to you? The ten truths about life discussed here fall firmly into that category — timeless lessons most of us likely learned years ago, and have been reminded of since, but for whatever reason we haven’t fully grasped them yet.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1. The average human life is relatively short.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to (more…)